coming out

i received a mail from hw2 today thanking me for the call. and i decided that i should do the right thing. so, i came out to her. i hope, and i am sure, she would be able to accept me as i am. reflecting, this was not the first time i come out to people. in fact, i have done so so many times over the past decade that i am quite used to it. i only do so to people i am comfortable with. and everytime i do it, it seemed like i have to go through the whole process of thinking how they would take it, whether they are ok to have a gay friend, whether they are homophobic, la la la... again and again. i guess at end of the day, and with sufficient practise, coming out is no big deal to me. during my early days, my first thoughts when deciding whether to come out was whether i would be risking the friendship, about how people would see me, about how people would treat me, etc. in short, it was all about me. but these days, my thoughts seemed to be more about the other party. i think it probably is a result of my being comfortable with myself. whatever the case, for whoever i come out to, i saw them go through a short period of 'sensemaking' and during this period, there were be lots of thoughts going through their minds. i am glad all my friends whom i have come out to have accepted me openly and wholeheartedly. and as a result, our friendship deepened. i am so blessed to have such friends. but for some of my friends, their experiences were a little more disappointing. some of them totally lost their friends. it is deeply regrettable. then again, perhaps we are better of without such `friends'. but well, i guess the choice is theirs. coming out is a process that affects both parties. and i do sometimes ask - who is affected more? the gay man himself? or the one he comes out to? :-) ps: i do admit that i have a really long time and close friend that i have not come out to him for fear that i would really lose him....