as i wrote about
my lesbian ex-colleague, i was reminded of an ex-colleague who went for a sex change while serving under me. that was the year 2001/ 2002. i was working in the hq and i had 2 lady officers working in my team and one of them was very masculine in terms of her behaviour and conduct. and there was a lot of talk about this lady. but well...
actually, when i joined that department, many who had previously worked with her warned me about her. some of the adjectives used to describe her include lazy, skiver, full of excuses, full of medical appointments, and so on. it wasn't very nice. but i was sure she had her reasons and i believe she will share with me when i have her trust. also, when i join any teams, i had this simple principle - everyone is equal and there is not one better than the others, everyone has to win his or her own respect and place in the team by being a good team-member. and it was with this that i conducted myself as the head of the section, and later head of the branch. over time, i managed to gain her trust. and over time, she came to find out that her brother is a close friend of james (my ex). and as to whether she knows that james and i were together, i didn't know and i didn't ask. after all, i have always been very careful to draw clear lines between my professional self and my personal life. but one day, she came to my office and requested to talk to me in private. i sensed that she wanted to share some rather personal stuff and agreed to close my office door (i usually keep my doors open, especially with female colleagues).
that was when she shared that she had this medical condition called sexual dimorphism and had been undergoing a long term treatment at the hospital. the treatments she needed to go through include counseling, hormonal treatments etc. and she explained that it was these treatments that had caused her to feel unwell, had mood swings, and often sick. but the key reason she wanted to talk to me was that she wanted to pre-empt me about her impending transition. that she would be undergoing some hormonal treatments, etc before undergoing the knife. frankly, when she told me her plans, i was at a total loss at what to do. i knew there was no directives nor policies with regards how to handle such cases. and so, faced with such a situation where the staff was seated in front of me and giving me all these personal details, i decided to just do what i felt was most humanly correct. i thanked her for the trust in me and told her that as her head, there was a need to me to also share what she said to my boss (in confidence, of cos) and she gave her consent. i assured her that i would give her my full support as she undergo the treatment and that apart from my boss, her medical condition and treatments will be kept secret. but i was sorely disappointed and shocked with my boss's reaction. once i told him about it, he exclaimed "why nowadays young people liddat!? how come they want to engage in such practices!" somehow for that moment, it gave me a glimpse of what his attitudes towards non-straights were. and after some further discussions about how to manage her, i walked out of his office feeling very disturbed by his attitudes to my staff, who obviously needed all the support at that point in time!
anyway, my staff went for the operation and came back as a he. regrettably, i was no longer with the department when he came back for i got posted out of the unit as he was still under medical leave. and we lost contact after that. i understood that he was subsequently posted to another unit and that the unit manpower officer was told to keep his past a secret. but sadly, this news was eventually leaked out. he became the gossip of the whole formation, was ostracized by many and in the end, decided to leave the service for good. i felt sad for him. he had gone through so much to get to where he was. and i was sure the mental and emotional pains he suffered as a result of being the subject of many gossips and being ostracized was far more painful that his physical pains and the transitioning.
i met him again at east coast park one day while i was jogging. i went up to say hi and instinctively i addressed him by his previous female name. he shared that he had changed his name and gave his new name to me. i wanted to talk more to him, ask how things were and whether he was well. but somehow, things felt a little awkward. he simply smiled, gave short replies that he was doing ok and quickly left. till today, whenever i think about him, i feel a tinge of regret not being there to help him more during his transitioning process. but i do tell myself that i had done what i needed to do, and to provide him a listening ear when i was in hq.
it's been more than 11 years. i am sure he has fully recovered physically by now. and i do sincerely hope he is happy too.
