merry gay christmas

and of cos, here's wishing all my gay friends a mary mary christmas!

have fun!

ps: pictures were send to me by my friends (including girls)! haha!

merry christmas

it's the time of the year to celebrate christmas. christmas is christian festival to commemorate the birth of jesus christ. but regardless of religious denominations, let's celebrate the season of love and joy together. celebrate the common areas, respect the differences and love each other like a family. that is the way to achieve everlasting peace.

wishing everyone a merriest christmas! may all sentient beings be happy during this season of joy and love!

picture from http://www.examiner.com/article/buddhism-and-the-christmas-season

hiv poz

a friend of mine just told me he is hiv poz. 

well, frankly, i took it rather well and simply asked him if he is managing ok. it has been 3 years he said. and he has been celibate since then.  and we carried on the conversation like as though it was just another conversation topic. he acknowledged that if there is anyone to blame, it would be he himself. no one else. and he seemed rather resigned to it... the conversation went on for a while and we ended as per all normal conversation. i supposed i am glad that he has taken it rather well. not that he has a choice. but inside me, i felt sad. sad for a fact that he has gone through quite a lot of injustice in life and now he had to cap it off with an hiv infection. 

whatever it is, i really appreciate the fact that he trusted me enough to share this very sensitive piece of news. he can be assured i will keep it secret. he will always be my dear friend. hiv or not. i wish him well. i really do.

sighs...

kiasu aunties!

was at a local supermarket to do some grocery shopping this morning and witnessed first hand 2 kiasu  (local slang for "afraid of losing") aunties...

you see, i had done my shopping and had made my way to the cashier. there were a couple of queues at the cashier counter and the queue i was in was about 7-8 long. i was fourth in the line and an ah ma holding half a basket of items in front of me. in front of the ah ma stood a middle aged man with an item in his hand. he was the next to pay for his things. in the next queue, a woman hurriedly crossed over to pass her stuff (also one item) to the middle aged man when she noted the queue was faster. sighs, apparently, this was a couple who had 2 items and each had taken one item to queue at different queues... f-ing kiasu people! it is often such double, triple queuing that makes queues look super long.

anyway, behind me was another auntie (let's call her auntie b). auntie b kept making that "tserk" sound when she saw the woman crossed queue. her constant "tserking" was so loud it was impossible not to know she was very unhappy. so yup, you can imagine how tense and unfriendly the whole atmosphere was. added to this, auntie b kept leaving the queue to take a look at how many items people in other queues were buying. she was obviously trying to cut queue! just then, a new store assistant came over and opened a new cashier counter. seeing this, auntie b rushed from my queue to the newly opened cashier counter. she was one helluva rude for she pushed her way across another queue and didn't bother if she hit people with her groceries. and people around her gave her unfriendly stares.

and just as auntie b was about to reach the queue...

... she was intercepted by another uncle with a cart filled with items to the brim. 

orbigood!

hahaha!

the wedding banquet

went for my ex-staff's wedding banquet yesterday. it was good. good to see everyone in the unit again. and i certainly had a good time catching up with everyone. but what was interesting was the flood of emotions that i experienced...

• firstly, impatience. after having gone through so many weddings, i admit i felt somewhat impatient when the whole process unfold, the wedding march, the showing of the video clip, the toasting, etc... such processes has somewhat become a `routine' for weddings and wedding dinners. and i have to constantly remind myself that it is the couple's day and that what they do is for themselves and we are there to be part of the celebrations. 
• secondly, wayang/ waste of time/ childish. when they showed the video clip of how the bridesmaids made the bridegroom and his team of bestman do all sorts of antics before he could be allowed to see the bride, i thought, omg, what a waste of time and how bluddy childish these people are! the inclusion of these antics was a recent phenomena and was never a part of the custom. so, being a traditionalist, i was never an advocate of such games.
• thirdly, meaningful. i noted the many traditional practices such as setting up of the altar, the paying respects to the ancestors, the exchange of ang pows between the groom and the ku kia, etc. these, i thought was rather meaningful.  
• and last but not least, old. everyone at the wedding dinner looked so young. kiddish, for that matter! and i was reminded that my cousin's son had also recently gotten married. and with that realization, i felt somewhat old...

haha... so much for all these emotions and thoughts that went through my mind. end of the day, it is about how the bride and the groom commemorate their day. what was important was that the mix of traditional and less traditional items in the whole day meant something to them as well as to their elders. 

:-)

picture from http://www.123rf.com/photo_12123475_double-happiness-symbol.html

sniff sniff

i really hate it when it comes to the year-end period, especially the months after sep. this is the period where i will fall sick. and this year is no different. as to why sep, well, to be exact, it can start anytime from jul/ aug onwards. whenever we get haze or smog in the air from indonesia, my respi system will go all haywire... and to make things worst, i am the type of person who will take forever to fall sick and once sick, will take forever to get well. ok, i have exaggerated. i will usually go through a period of body aches, sneezing, and on-and-off sore throats. and this will last several weeks before i fall really sick, headaches, fever, cough and all. and once i start coughing, i will not stop and this always leads to secondary throat infections that will prolong the cough. and my flu usually stretch for a month or two... so, by the time i recover from my aug/ sep flu, year-end monsoon will come and that is where the northern flu season will peak... and so... ah choooo! damned! i think my current flu is the third since aug this year. sighs...

this time round, things are a little more difficult cos of mum...

picture from http://www.4us2be.com/health-fitness/natural-common-cold-remedies/

4 long days

it's the weekend before christmas and it's 4 long days of break, if you take christmas eve to be a non-working day. well, that indeed is the case for me cos mum will not be required to attend the daily rehabilitation on christmas eve.

i am not complaining. a break is a break, even if i am currently unemployed. 

but frankly, i am not too enthusiastic about it for reasons that i am down with a bad flu, mum has been a little mental lately, she has 2 medical appointments on christmas eve, and on top of that, bee is out of town again (last minute some more! and most of the time over the weekends and coinciding with major holidays! damned!)...

sighs...

captain america!

imagine a swimming pool full of captain americas. gay man's fantasy right? all the testosterone overflowing instead of water. haha! well, far from it lo. what i experienced this morning was so bluddy embarrassing! 

first embarrassment. well, this one was nothing related to the pool. it happened at my chiropractor's clinic. you see, i wore bee's captain america t-shirt this morning to my chiropractic appointment. it was a black t-shirt and it has a picture of captain america's shield emblazoned across the front. and the first thing my super friendly chiropractor said was "wow! i have something similar with the same design! but mine's a singlet and i got it from bangkok! how about you? where did you get it from?"... (silence) ... "errr... it doesn't belong to me..." and we changed the topic quickly... heh heh... for that moment, i didn't know how to respond. so... and of cos, as usual, he gave me a deep and all rounded treatment again today. hahaha...

second embarrassment. my routine after my chiropractic treatment was to head to the pool to tan and to read the papers. and that was what i did this morning. arrived at the pool, made my way to the changing room, changed to my trunks and, still wearing my captain america t-shirt, made my way to the usual corner of the pool. as i approached the pool entrance, 2 guys walked into the pool... and guess what?! they were both wearing identical captain america t-shirts... alamak, for that moment, i didn't know where to put my face. i just walked straight on. and of cos, you'll probably ask me if the pool was overflowing with testosterone, and filled with toned, muscled, lean 6-packed men... well, i cannot answer. i was so embarrassed i didn't even notice how they look like...

haha!

picture from http://www.starpulse.com/news/Jason_Coleman/2011/09/02/dvd_review_captain_america_1989

end of the world

omg! it's the end of the world...

ya rite! end my foot! such nonsense... then again, people can take things so literal and be stupid enough to believe that the sun will not rise for the next 3 days, yadda yadda yadda... 

whatever it is, we went to sleep yesterday, we got up today, and we will repeat this cycle for as long as we are alive. and what i recognize is this, the human race is a smart one. but despite the smartness, many people continue to let ignorance influence their logical mind...

sighs...

what the fart!

my tee and his wife-to-be got me a birthday present and it arrived today!

earlier this week, he sms-ed me over the phone that i will like it, i will like it. well, frankly, i am not a present person. somehow gifts and presents do not excite me cos i am a simple person who does not see the need to get anything above those that caters to my basic needs. so... but i do really appreciate their gesture and thoughts. after all, it is not often that i expect people to think of me, much less, to get me a present.

and so, i actually forgot about this present until a call came in telling me they will be sending it to me today. and when faced with the present, my curiosity got the better of me, i was actually a little excited about it. heh heh... tee told me they got me a clock. and given my mental models of clocks (whatever the shape may be, an hour hand, a minute hand, and a second hand), i was quite surprise to get this weird looking thing - a boy bending down with an exposed butt! hmmm... my tee and his mrs-to-be probably think all gaymen liked backside a lot! haha... ok ok just joking, although i know many do but i do have my reservations about lobangs (malay for "holes")... especially down there. eeewww! hahaha! but ok, let's not digress... i looked at the figurine curiously. and package says the alarm of the figurine's clock sounds like a fart. heh heh... interesting. as i looked, it got cuter and more adorable. and sapphie loves it too. once she saw the figurine, she hurriedly rushed to it, took a few sniffs at the face, at the backside... and she actually wanted to bite it! lol!

thank you very much tee and mrs tee (to be)...

:-)

dong zhi 2011 / 冬至

it's dong zhi / 冬至 (winter solstice) again today. this is a very special festival for chinese. it's a time for family gatherings and to give thanks to the gods and ancestors as we commemorate the day.

we went through the same routines. and i noted, what we did today was a combination of what we did in 2009 and 2011. heh heh. cooked tang yuan for mum and bee. mum went a little mental and refused to eat in the end (despite pestering me to buy tang yuan for her). bee came over for tang yuan in the morning... and later in the day, sis-in-law made tang yuan, and we made the offerings to dad at the columbarium. what was different this year was that we brought along the whole of brother's family - my niece and my newly delivered week-old baby boy. it is indeed a joyous and proud occasion for my brother as he presented the new and first baby boy in the next generation to my dad... 

:-)

butterfly

have always been intrigued by butterflies since young. in fact, it was a part of kampong life. these days, it is not easy to see any nice ones. and when i went for a jog last few days at the park... i saw this...  

nice!

finally got it!

after the last few unsuccessful attempts, i finally managed to grab a picture of the ladybird! so very happy. and when i scrutinize closer, i thought it looked a little bit like the halloween pumpkin! it is so different from all the pictures of ladybird i've seen before (all poker-dotted).

haha...

domo, the gay icon

was at the neighbourhood shopping centre with bee and mum earlier and there was a christmas fair going on. and of cos, as per almost all christmas fairs, we get to see lots of toys on sale, lots of student-part-time sales personnel, and lots of parents with the kids... well, with such a combination - toys, young adult men, and daddies with kids... its almost a gaymen's paradise! yes, people watching during pre-christmas shopping period really can be very fun indeed...

and this evening was a little more interesting. there was a section of the fair that was dedicated to japanese toys and amongst the toys on sale was domo! there was a small crowd around domo, many in the crowd were looking, browsing, playing, touching. and amongst these were a couple of gay men, some kids, and a dilf (dads i'd like to fuck). hmmm... the dilf himself looked very gay, very yummy... he was clean-cut, muscled, lean and rather toned, and his overall looks came complete with an air force singlet, white shorts and a matching pair of sandals... really, if not for the kid he was holding, we would have both thought he was another gay person.

and bee said - if he buys the domo, then it can be quite confirmed that he is gay! and we stood on one side to observe... well... in the end, he simply look, touch here and there (the toy, i mean), and left them as they were and walked off with his kid... (then again, it was interesting that it was him looking and touching domo and not his kid...). and just about then his wife joined him, and bee made another observation... i still think he is gay, (and i said so becos) his wife is very ugly...

heh heh... well, we never know... these days straight men can look and act soooo bluddy gay...

agree?

picture from http://www.sodahead.com

smiling from inside

i don't think i have posted this before. i remembered watching this clip back then and exclaiming wow! to myself. and when i look at this clip again after 2-3 years, i can't help but feel the happiness and amazement inside all over again. added to that, i realized i was smiling myself silly and tearing a little too. susan boyle has certainly come a long way since the day she stepped onto the stage.

bravo!

so bottom again...

well, first, my good friend (some has affectionately referred to him as mr bottom following his bottom-centric response to the op) wants to thank all the uncles, aunties, gor gors, jieh jiehs, tee tees, mei meis, and so on for their concern and well wishes over his tonsil op. i am pleased to announced that he has successfully completed the op and now resting in his ward. and given that this is his first hospital stay, it was also a very eventful one...

for a start, he got upgraded to a better ward at no extra cost (the more likely reason would be that the lowest class ward, for singaporeans who less well off [including vagabonds, and/ or paupers like most of us], are so overcrowded that hospitals have to move some lucky few to better class wards)... the doctor that operated on him was so manly and cute, he felt at ease immediately and surrendered himself totally in (the hospital operating) bed and he didn't even know when the doctor inserted his big tool into his mouth, the nurses at the ward did not get to see his kuku (hurray? hmm, i need to interrogate him on this), and at his ward, there was a guy who was so badly smashed up his face was all so bloodied and swollen, so much so that veggyt couldn't make out if this person is cute or otherwise. well, he should be able to discharge tomorrow or the day after...

and yes, he survived the op... so, sex and the city 8, here he comes! 

lol!

forty six (3)

i must admit here. although birthdays were (and still are) uneventful for me, i do secretly hope to get birthday wishes from people (thick skin right? haha...) anyway, i was checking my facebook, my emails, etc... to see if anyone had wished me happy birthday... well, apart from bee who had already wished me and bought me a birthday present last week... 

second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, nothing came in. and at about 11.30pm last night, the first message appeared in my whatsapp... my insurance agent! darned. my mind was going - alamak, from insurance agent, sure not sincere one. must be becos of commercial and business reasons that the message came in the first place. heh heh... i sound very evil right? but well, i was just letting my human ego step in for that moment. and before long, a message came in facebook... it was from my junior college days best friend ks. kinda surprised yet not unexpected... we have always kept time with each other's birthdays all those years during our college days... but well, yes, happy to hear from him. the only thing was - he wished me happy 47th birthday instead... lol!

well... and not too long after that and through the day, messages started trickling in. not too many, some  quite surprising, some quite expected. and it was no less heartwarming nonetheless, especially those from my ex-office supervisor and clerks - every single one of them messaged me! very warm. but well, these messages feed my humanly-ego. and yup, like it or not, the day came and went and hmmm, it is now just passed 12midnight. so... yup, 46th birthday had just passed.

so, yup... happy birthday to me!

forty six (2)

here's something else that was very meaningful on this uneventful birthday of mine. bee got me a durian cake and we celebrated the event at the strike of 12 midnight. nice? yes of course! and this evening, we (bee, mum and i) had buffet dinner at one of the local hotels. several things happened that threatened to destroy the dinner and/ or prevented it from happening, eg mum went a bit cranky, traffic jams, lateness, getting to a wrong location, etc... but well, with a lot of patience and good humor, all's well that ends well...

happy birthday to myself again!

and thank you bee!

forty six (1)

today, i officially am twice the age of many of the bloggers out there who are 23! haha... well, it was an uneventful day. as usual. but the things that happened were no less meaningful. for a start, my mum bought me dinner last evening. not any special dinner. she had insisted on paying for so many things over the last 2 months that i finally told her, ok, you can buy me dinner to celebrate my birthday... and she happily agreed. and as usual dinner with mothers are always that informal and always that uneventful. what happened was, 

mother:  what do you want to eat? you just drive there and we eat lor

me: i am easy on food, what do you want to eat?

mother: why you ask me instead? today is your birthday and you should eat what you want to eat.

me: ok ok... let's go for some simple zichar dinner ok?

mother: do you want to eat satay? 

me (knowing mum likes to eat satay): ok! sounds good.

mother: ok, you buy mutton for yourself, and i eat chicken.

me: no need la, we mother and son should eat the same. i buy chicken and we share.

mother: ok, do you want to eat hokkien mee?

me (knowing mum also likes hokkien mee): ok, sounds good.

mother: ok, you go buy 2 plates. one for you and one for me.

....

yup, that was so simple. we got to eat what she wanted to eat. and she was happy to know that i ate what she thought i wanted to eat (for that matter, i was really easy on food). and it was a simple dinner at the hawker center. but i can tell you this, to a 80 year old person who is not working and dependent on another in almost everything, it must have felt very good and very empowering to be able to buy a treat for another person... and when that person is your son, it also becomes very meaningful.

happy birthday to myself!

so bottom

i have a very dear friend called "veggythomas". been quite a few years since i know him and we often call each other to catch up about each others lives. and we have come to a point where we would bitch and whine to each other rather often. and we address each other rather affectionately as "sistar" or "sis" for short... haha... anyway, he will be going for a short day-op this monday to remove his tonsils. and he was one helluva worried. he called me this morning and shared me his fears... and being him, i couldn't help but roll my eyes as we spoke... the following reflect a short snippet of our conversation...

veggyt: sistar sistar!!! i wanna tell you sum thing...

me: tell tell...

veggyt: i going for the op this monday leh... you know the one regarding my tonsils...

me: oh, aiyah, will be quite straight forward one la. not to worry... at most stay a day or two. most of the time day-op and can leave that very day.

veggyt: but i very scared la. you know, i went to check the net. aiyoh, youtube actually show the process, so scary lor, so much blood... also, i will be under g.a lor. i very scared. never g.a before, what if i die how? so scared lor...

me: chey! simple op say until liddat. don't worry la.

veggyt: oh, when i undergo g.a, what is the process huh?

me: g.a very straight forward one la... you go in, they give you the gas, the next thing you know, you out of the op already. and they will wheel you back to the ward where the nurse will change you back to your ward clothes...

veggyt: serious ah? can i change myself or not? what if the nurse see my kuku? i will shy untillllll.... 

me: purleese la, if shy, just close your eyes lor... not like as though the nurse never see kuku before...

veggyt: also ah sis, i very on lea... i went to do research in the net. and i read the comments by people, got people say very pain lor. can be pain untillllllllll.... like can last ten twenty days lor... aiyoh, so terrible right?!?! i very scared pain! i tell you hor, i read all the suggestion and already made the necessary preparations lor. i went to borrow tv series liao! a few of them sum more, you know, i even got the whole series of the sex and the city season 8... 

me: aiyoh, sistar! your reaction and preparations all so bottom lor! people read comments and feedback to prepare themselves mentally for the process. and you go and focus on the few people's feedback about pain and scare yourself! some more, of all things, you prepare dvds... tsk tsk tsk...

hahaa... this is only a snippet of the 15 minute conversation. you very much know how this conversation went. my oh my... my dear friend very "tare...rrrr" (whine) lor. and i said, i am so gonna blog about this and he said, oh oh... also include my "tare...rrrr" ok? that is a difficult one cos his "tare-rrring" cannot be spelt out in english...

:-)

bee-ing away

bee is away on a work trip till sunday and so, i was very much left on my own since yesterday. well, in the daytime, there are more than enough things to keep me busy, running around visiting mum, housework etc...  but come evening, hmmm... things can get a tat boring. then again, bee should be back tomorrow evening. so thankfully, the boredom will not be that long...

:-)

long days...

these few days has been rather tiring, especially today... shuttling to-and-fro visiting mum at the hospital twice a day, and today, also helping with my sister-in-law and nephew's discharge from the maternity hospital. this is especially so this time round cos i have asked my brother not to visit as his wife has just given birth and it would be most regretful if he catches any germs from the hospital and transmit it to the newborn. also, my second sis is overseas on holiday and i have kept the hospitalization news from her. no point telling her and spoiling her holiday, what more when she cannot catch a flight back, not that things are serious enough for her to do so (anyway, she just returned and i have just told her)... so... that leaves i, me and myself.

and i am away from the house so long a period that i feel a little bad leaving sapphie alone at home most of the time... tell you ahhh, this dog of mine super good in giving me that sad face when i leave the house, it just melts my heart. and when she does that often enough, i will feel super duper guilty and i will just bring her out. and so tonight, i brought her out for a long hour-plus walk. she's a little shagged out now. but heh heh... i certainly feel better that i have made her exercise a bit. then again, there is just a little bit concern here. during her walk, she tripped at least 3-4 times. sighs... looks like not only is my mum getting on with age, even my dog is also the same... 

haha...

updates by the doctor

the interesting things about updates by the hospital is that they assumed you do not know anything about the patients' conditions and history and sometimes tells you things that come across as either naive and/ or condescending. and worst still, at times, it sounded like as though you are telling them an update instead... and this is exactly how i felt now. 

you see, as a norm, all hospital doctors will call the family member to update them about the patient's condition daily and the treatment they will  be giving. and i have just got off the phone with the hospital doctor. and he told me a whole load of issues that mum has and even went on to indicate that the reason she fell was becos of her parkinson's disease deterioration. hmmm... interesting input cos the last time a doctor said he suspected she has parkinson's disease was many years back. and today, this one said it like it was a fact. wonder how he got this conclusion. he wasn't even aware of the conditions around mum at the time she fell! and after i explained he was like. hmmm, ya ya... hmmm, oh is it? hmmm, oh ok... and he quickly switched topic to talk about her breathing problem and the additional tests that he intends to do... i had to brief him on the history about her respiratory issues, her home management plan, yadda yadda yadda... and at the end of the conversation, he thanked me instead...

hmmm....

house rules? wtf!

house rules my foot! 

since the condo i live in changed security company, they have this very unacceptable practice - there would be strictly no overnight parking for any non-residents... i came to know of this when bee tried to stay overnight and was told he could not park his car. what nonsense. it has been several months and i have not made any noise given that the guards had been rather empathetic and asked that they would close one eye, although i still cannot accept this stupid ruling. but this morning, i blew my top! we returned from a midnight show at about 2.30am. and i asked him to stay over considering it was late and that mum was hospitalized and thus not at home. and that was when i blew my top... you see, we arrived at the guardhouse, and this was how the conversation went...

security guard (told us flat in our face): sir, you cannot park overnight.

me (half explaining, half pleading): err, it is 2.30am and the parking would be only for a few hours.

security guard: no sir, you cannot park overnight. this is the rule. if you want to park overnight, you must apply permit from management...

me (starting to boil): come on, i understand there is a rule. and i know about applying permit. but that is for prolonged overnight parking. it is already 2.30am! the parking will only for a couple of hours. my friend will leave for work by 7-plus. it is not like as though he will be parking here for a few days.

security guard (starting to negotiate): no sir, this is the rule. you must apply permit even if it is for one night. errr, but you leaving after a few hours huh? ok, i will allow you to come in (i started boiling, what the shit, i am the resident here and my entry to my own condo is subjected to the security guard's agreement!) but you must leave before 6am. the management come to work at 7.30am and they will scold me if they find out. (turning to bee) sir, can i have your particulars?

me (now boiling hot): come on, leave before 6am? what rubbish! if the management scold you, tell them come and see me! now take my particulars instead. tell the management to see me if they have an issue!

darned! i totally cannot accept this stupid ruling! i made my way to the management office just now. the manager is new. i explained the situation to him and he started by saying it is the house rule (bluddy shit!). and after listening to me, he himself felt the rule is not realistic. then he said it is the security company practice (wah ranz... first, house rule, then security company... harlow, get your facts right! security company work based on condo management guidelines!) i mean, this is a residence, not a hotel! and for that matter, if i were to live in public housing, i am not subjected to such stupid rules! i can rattle off a thousand and one possibilities of people needing to stay over for a night! anyway, i got my point to him, he promised to convey the feedback to the management and the security company and will get back to me.

well... under most circumstances, i am very nice and accommodating. but it is unreasonable irritants like this that gets into my way that makes me bitchy. 

what a start to the day.

lesson learnt: never tell an irritated person that this is the rule. it makes them mad!

the hobbit

watched the hobbit, an unexpected journey last night. midnight show at downtown east. but i felt it was a tat too similar to the lord of the rings (lotr), particularly the fellowship of the ring. i felt the magic that we saw in lotr was somewhat lost in this new production. also, the show was a little draggy and i yawned quite a bit through the show. made worst by the combined effect of my long tiring day and the bad sleep the night before. but well, it was a reasonably good mental break for me nonetheless.

:-)

picture from http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/the-hobbit/images/31871223/title/hobbit-wallpaper

mental break

frankly speaking, mum's hospitalization is kinda a mental break for me. 

you see, when she is hospitalized, i am assured she is looked after by professionals and need not worry about her well-being, i can go out of the house any time i want without worrying about whether she will go mental (she gets suspicious when i leave the house, even for a few minutes), i can go anywhere in the house, and do what i want without having her questioning me where i was and what i was doing... in short, i get my mental break from mum.

i know it does not sound right, and i do feel a little guilty about it sometime back. but have come to reconcile with it. caregivers also need breaks from their charges.

in yet again...

yesterday, we celebrated the birth of my nephew.

and today, mum got hospitalized again. and that was after she tripped and fell last evening at the car park after dinner, went mental before bed, throw tantrums this morning. total change in everything within split seconds. and i didn't even know what happened. anyway, finally managed to convince her to let me bring her to the hospital. it's really tiring to be constantly at the receiving end of her tantrums. but what to do. when she became less irritated today, i asked why she was angry with me and why she threw tantrums, she totally had no idea what i was talking about.

sighs...

buah duku langsat

as a young boy, there were specific times of the year to expect certain fruits, especially seasonal ones. and over time, i came to associate these fruits with major festivals such as the chinese lunar new year (mandarin oranges), the birthday of the taoist emperor of heaven (sugar cane [although this is not a fruit per se]), mid-autumn festival (pomelo), the hungry ghost festivals (rambutans, buah rambai), or special periods of the year such as year-end school holidays (durians, mangosteens, duku langsat), etc. and oh, i always look forward to eating the buah duku langsat! the fragrance from the flesh is really a heavenly! 

and yes, this fruit is now in season again! 

hurray!

picture from http://seedvill.com/front/php/product.php?product_no=119&main_cate_no=24&display_group=1

it's a boy!

today, we welcome the first grandson in the family. 8th grandchild, first boy, after a 24-year wait and 7 beautiful nieces! my dad would be very happy if he is still around! and needless to say, it was a welcoming high for the family, especially my mum. been a long long while since we have any major red event in the family... well, other than the recent 80th birthday celebrations for mum.

:-)

hermaphroditic sex

can you imagine how hermaphrodites have sex? haha... that would be the epitome of 69s right?! and imagine how things would turn out if 2 individuals can fertilize each other and carry each other's babies. it would be so weird wouldn't it? but of cos, in humans, this do not happen although we do have hermaphrodites amongst us. rather, i am talking about snails.

i see snails mating quite often when i walk sapphie (my dog). and that was what i saw again this morning. i posted this image (picture) in facebook and next thing i knew, a friend of mine commented "ewww". it was an interesting comment, especially when this friend of mine took a course in sexology during his undergrad days (so i was told). but yup, i thought about it and acknowledged that such sights are not common to non-biologists nor would they actively search for it unless their hobbies revolve around nature and stuff. but hey, this is nature, i commented, such sights are to be wow-ed instead of ewww-ed. and to further educate him, i shared the snails are hermaphrodite and yup, he liked the comment.

i had another interesting comment, again from a non-biologist. he said "early morning, watch snail porn". haha... interesting how we human tend to humanize/ put human values to events we see right? before i get philosophical about it... well, snail porn or not, all i can say was this - if it is porn i am watching, i would be bored stiff (no pun) seeing things happen s o    s l o w l y! then again, think we humans have unlearned lots of things over evolutionary time. need to relearn, to boost birthrates... taking things   s u p e r    s l o w is good for relationship building...

:-)

oh, by the way, here's a little tidbit for all. do you know that the word "hermaphrodite" comes from the greek god hermaphroditus. he was the son of hermes and aphrodite in greek mythology.

picture of hermaphrodite from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermaphrodite

weird habits!

i have some rather weird habits... i keep things. ok, ok, rather than call it weird habits, let's put this as i am a very sentimental person. so sentimental it is beyond logic sometimes... for example, i still have some of my biology sketchbooks and school exercise books from my secondary schools days. yup, secondary school days. they are more than 30 years old by now. yup, older than many of my blog readers... lol!

i do get into this habit to clear things once a while and minimally on an annual basis when i do my annual spring cleaning, i will revisit some of these things and throw away some of the stuff that i consider "lesser sentimental value"... heh heh... i happened to be doing some clearing of my stuff yesterday, reorganizing some of my files, etc and decided i should throw away some of the older letters/ correspondences. and as i starting throwing, i got into the mood of discarding things. and guess what? i threw away a whole thick stack of monthly utility bills. bills that i had accumulated since mid 1996 when i got my property!

haha...

picture from http://www.siongboon.com/projects/2011-08-30_energy_audit/index.html

my first birthday present

well, i got my first birthday present (way in advance) for the year. bee got me an ipad mini...

:-)

picture from http://crave.cnet.co.uk/laptops/

day out at the beach

saturday was a superbly busy day... went for breakfast, then to the beach, then home for a rest while i shower sapphie, then out for durian, and after that to the beach for a long walk-a-jog with sapphie, and then home to wash up before heading out again to the shopping center for dinner and walkabout. and i did all these with mum in her wheelchair.

super exhausted. but superbly fulfilling.

:-)

everything at once

everything at once

lenka

as sly as a fox, as strong as an ox

as fast as a hare, as brave as a bear

as free as a bird, as neat as a word

as quiet as a mouse, as big as a house

all i wanna be, all i wanna be, oh

all i wanna be is everything

as mean as a wolf, as sharp as a tooth

as deep as a bite, as dark as the night

as sweet as a song, as right as a wrong

as long as a road, as ugly as a toad

as pretty as a picture hanging from a fixture

strong like a family, strong as i wanna be

bright as day, as light as play

as hard as nails, as grand as a whale

all i wanna be, oh, all i wanna be, oh

all i wanna be is everything, everything at once

everything at once, oh, everything at once

as warm as the sun, as silly as fun

as cool as a tree, as scary as the sea

as hot as fire, cold as ice

sweet as sugar and everything nice

as old as time, as straight as a line

as royal as a queen, as buzzed as a bee

as stealth as a tiger, smooth as a glider

pure as a melody, pure as i wanna be

all i wanna be, oh, all i wanna be, oh

all i wanna be is everything, everything at once

of asian names (2)

in my earlier post, i have reflected about the construct of asian names. here, i shall talk a little about nicknames. there is this interesting observation i have made about how the different generation of people make use of nicknames. generations of the past used nickname for very practical reasons such as to protect the individuals from harm, in addition to convenience. today, nicknames are used purely for convenience. let me explain further.

during my parents' generation (and probably before that), names are treated with deep reverence and respect as it captures the essence of not just the generation, but also the clan. added to that, the (third) character given to the individual also reflect the wishes and expectations of the parents on their kids and often auspicious sounding. in short, there is something magical about a person's name. take for example, after translation, my mum's name (combination of second and third characters) means "golden girl" (i.e the second character is kim, and the last character is neo). "kim" being the aspirations of my grand parents for her to bring riches to the family and "neo", a commonly used character for girls for peranaken families that means "virtuous girl". to make things interesting, while names given carry auspicious and nice meaning words, there is also a belief that jealous lurking spirits would try to thwart the aspirations by attacking the baby. to prevent the spirits from creating havoc and to mislead the spirits, parents would thus resort to using nicknames that sound bad. using again the example of my mum... she was given the nickname "busuk" (rotten, foul smelling) by her father, my granddad. the story went this way... as a kid, she was prone to sickness. as a result, my granddad brought her to the taoist temple to consult the gods (via the medium). of cos, the advice by the medium was - use a nickname to cheat the evil spirits, thus her name "busuk". and accordingly, my mum's sickness disappeared.

the above is the use of nicknames with a clear purpose of protecting the individual. on top of that, nicknames could also be given out of convenience or simply, fun. such nicknames, when used over an extended period of time, could become the preferred names to address the individual. take for example, my mum and her sisters. according to my mum, my uncles gave them nicknames that reflect their different breast shapes and sizes when they were young (don't ask me why, i could only guess they gave them these nicknames during their teenage years and the nicknames stayed). and so, amongst them, there are tek-pis (flat chested), tek-jang (long breast), and tek-bung (large breast). this was similarly done for me and my brother. during my toddler days, i was nicknamed "tua sar" (big stupid/ idiot) and my brother "suey sar" (small stupid/ idiot) by my nanny/ landlady. this nickname is so significantly different from our actual names (that sounded very patriotic). but i actually find the nicknames very affectionate. haha... these days, the practices of giving convenient nicknames continue, although i would say people are a lot less creative these days (just imagine, the most common names are "baby", "ah boy", and "ah girl").

:-)

of asian names (1)

recently, have talked quite a bit about names with my mum. and thought i should write something about it here. given the large scope of the topic, i will use 2 posts to capture what i want to share. in this first post, i shall talk about the construct of names, something that i noticed many younger people do not know (and even some in my age group). in the second post, i will reflect on the use of nicknames. 

firstly, the construct of names. there is a long history in this. but these days, as a general guide, a typical asian name, specifically asians of non-malay descent, comprise 3-characters. the first character reflects the person's lineage (surname), the second character reflecting his/ her generational name, and the last character, the person's name itself. take for example, lky's full name is "li guangyao". "li" as in his family name. it reflects his lineage and all his ancestors carry the same character. "guang" is his generational name. every single son in his generation (including my paternal side male cousins) all carry this second character. for that matter, my dad's generation character is "bao", and my dad and all my uncles has this same second character "bao". on the same token, my grandfather's generation character is "ming"... far as i know, old chinese families do make use of certain poems as reference to decide what character to use for their generational character. as for a person's actual name, it is captured in the last character. in my case, "xin"... just one character. to address a person respectfully, he would be referred to by his first character followed by a respectable term eg for lky (our first pm) - li xiansheng ("li" as his family name, "xiansheng"'s closest equivalent is "mister" in english, but in chinese, it means "earlier borned" or "elder"), or if addressing a person with respectable recognition to his generation,  would be called "guangyao", and if it is just him, he can be addressed as "yao", or if a 2-syllabic reference is preferred, then it would be "a-yao"...

interestingly, the first character (the family/ ancestral name)/ surname is the equivalent of the last name in the western context. curiously, i have asked before why this disparity between the western and eastern practices. i do not and still have not found the answer. for asians (including chinese, japanese, korean, etc), my reflection of the practice of placing the family name in front reflected the reverence and deep respect asians accord to their clan and thus takes the front of his/ her name. i have no explanation for why western cultures place it at the end, perhaps, in the western culture, it is always self first, then society? whereas for asians, it is society/ community/ clan above self? i donno. as for the history behind this 3-character concept, i am also not sure. but i suspect its history came from confucian practices that emphasized a whole lot on rituals and orderliness in the family, community and society. whatever the history, there are practical outcomes to this concept of names in the chinese society. for example, if i see another relative with the second character "ming", he would naturally be considered my elder (by generation and not by age) as he would be of the same generation as my granddad. extending this logic, imagine in the old days where members of the "shen" clan live in the same village/ community and where people do not travel so widely, such names would minimize inbreeding within the community thereby preventing genetically diseases from manifesting (something that happened to the ancient egyptians that resulted in the decline of the egyptian dynasties). such practices are gradually lost in modern history. the second character, that reflects the generation, is largely not practiced these days. and a person's name is gradually changed from single-character to dual-character. the outcome of this is still a 3-character name still, but conceptually a whole lot of history in naming protocol has been lost. i attribute this to factors such as lost of a person's roots and westernization of subsequent generations as a result of the huge migration of southern chinese in the 1800s to south east asia, a region that was largely colonized by western countries back then.

i noticed that in recent decades, probably as a result of being influenced by western culture, there is a shift in using and placing surnames at the end of the name (westerners refer to surname as "last name"). to many elders, this is a no-no and very disrespectful. they find it very difficult to place the surname at the end of their name. but we can see a shift in this attitude amongst the younger generations. i had the chance to interact with many japanese and koreans. initially i was rather confused by how they write their names. but in the privacies of their houses, they explained that to them, as a community, due to their long exposure to americans, they are now able to comfortably switch their first and last names without having their own people being confused. take for example hiromi iwasaki. she is very popular singer in the late-70s/80s (& i so adore her songs!). when i mentioned this to my japanese friends, they were quick to exclaim "oh, iwasaki hiromi!..." and they explained that iwasaki is her family name and amongst japanese they place it right in front, whereas hiromi is the name given to her and is thus placed behind (japanese do not have the concept of a generational name far as i am aware)... 

in this regard, we chinese has quite a bit to catch up insofar as accepting and being able to switch this use comfortably. so, for lky, he would be guangyao li... a name that would make anybody's dad's roll in his grave... oh, wait, my dad's was cremated... then again, yup, that reflects the emotional tension over a name construct...

haha!

"naked" man

it wouldn't be complete the write about the "naked" lady and not about the "naked" man... so here goes. 

again, it was at the swimming pool that i frequent. was there last week in the morning and there was an ang mo (caucasian) man at the corner of the pool. i noticed him when i first arrived at the pool and was a little taken aback... i thought he was naked. and on closer look (after i changed up and walked close to where he was tanning), he was wearing a skin colour swimming trunk.

but really, he could be wearing a woman's panties and no one's any wiser cos the colour is the same tone as his skin. he left not too long after i arrived. and it was clear that he knew his trunks was a tat controversial for he put on a pair of berms before walking away...

:-)

choice of perspectives (2)

i have a friend, almost an ex to be exact. he was supposed the one before james, but he rejected me... and i was a bitter person and i avoided him after that. but in recent years, i have decided to forgive and forget. after all, life is too short to hold grudges. and i looked him up and re-established contact with him. and we sms each other once a while.

i noticed this one thing - he is a terribly negative and bitter person. from our smses, it seemed to be that he has a negative view about everything in the world. he is afraid of pain, he is cocksure that every person will go against him, that and every thing that can possibly happen will be to his disadvantage, he is confident that bad things will happen to him, and he is petrified that he will be unprepared for the worst, etc... even when he goes for holiday, he will focus on small things like he is going alone and thus, he is cursed for being gay, etc... after talking to him, i sometimes find his negativity affecting me. also, and invariably, by virtue of the fact that i am less negative than him, i naturally become the more positive person. and all the time, in our smses, i will remind him of how things are not as bad as they seemed, and that there are ways to see things from the positive angle, and that he should just live his life to the best he could... our sms exchanges will almost always end with him ignoring me...

and today, i got an interesting sms from him... this was roughly how it went...

him: if you board a bus, and you see a group of 5 over-sized south asians. and they are carrying a lot of things and they are blocking the walkway. also, they did not flash their bus pass and the driver did not want to move until they do so... after a while, one of them reluctantly collected their passes and flashed it. only then did the drive move the bus. how will you respond. honestly. and i do not want any zen type of response....

me: well, i will just look at them and enjoy the experience. i mean, honestly, that is what i will do. i like to people watch and such incidents would allow me to see how the drama unfold and the reactions of people involved, directly and indirectly.

him: but they are deliberately holding us all up and making us all late for our appointments. and they are deliberately cheating the bus company. how can you not be angry with them?

me: well, from your sms, ok, perhaps i am not normal, and so, please do not expect me to give you a response that would meet your criteria of "normality". 

him: that is so you... (he sounded a tat frustrated at my response that did not conform with his expectations)

me: hey, life is stressful enough. so why let such additional trivial things stress me out further? why not focus on the more positive things? of cos there will be times where i will bitch and i will be angry, but i mean, for what right? life goes on. i have learned to see things from the positive perspective. what can i do to change them and their upbringing? nothing right? so, might as well hope they can improve for the better but for the moment, enjoy the many wonders of god that many of us now no longer noticed... eg birds flying, butterflies, orchids blooming on roadside trees... 

he did not reply after that... well, after all these months of non-stop negative smses from him, i learned one thing from him - you cannot change a person if he refuses to change. then again, you can learn not to be like him. and in this case, i actually learned to be a little more positive.

choice of perspectives (1)

mum is a super duper negative person and regardless of what issues, she will always see the negative side. and for such people, there is no use trying to convince them otherwise... here's what happened today... 

context: she has not really cleared her bowels well over the last 3-4 days. and despite clearing a little here and there, it was obvious that the main bulk has not left her system, considering the large amount of food that she took over the last few days... 

mum: i did not shit for the past many days... i am sure there is something very wrong with me. i must be dying already. my body is breaking down...

me: hmmm, cannot be la. you cleared some yesterday... the rest will probably take a while to come out. so, don't worry, everything will be ok... any case, if you are really worried, i will help apply the enema for you.

mum: no, no, no need. i am sure i am dying already... 

it took me awhile of coaxing before she finally agreed... moments later, she cleared 2 hard "pellets" of shit, probably the size slightly larger than of marbles...

mum: so much things shot out... but i think it is the fluids that you pumped in. and only 2 pellets came out. so, i think there is something very wrong with me. i must be dying already. my body is breaking down.

me: hmmm, cannot be la. you should understand. the 2 pellets had caused the obstruction. i am sure in time to come, the rest will come out, so don't worry. you will be fine. any case, if you are really worried that the earlier enema is not effective, i will help apply another one for you.

mum: no, no, no need. i am sure i am dying already... 

i left her to watch the tv and 2 hours later, i saw her rushing to the toilet...

mum: i shat so much in my diapers.... and then when i went into the toilet, i shat so much more. how can this be, i am sure there is something very wrong with me. i must be dying already. my body is breaking down...

me: hmmm, cannot be la. you cleared 2 pellets earlier, and i am sure all these coming out now is becos the blockage has been removed. so, it is a good thing.

mum: no, no, no. cannot be. i have never shat so much, i am sure i am dying already... 

hmmm... challenging right? no shit also dying, shit also dying... i decided against convincing her but just to assure her that everything is alright and that she is fine... and this is something that happen very often, be it about shitting, peeing, eating... anything! she is just convinced about the negative angle of things. but of cos, there is one very important thing i learned from her through all these - and that is patience. 

:-)

life of pi

life of pi... read the book in 2001 when was first released. james had bought it soon after it was release. was rather excited when i learned that it would be made into a movie and released end-2102. and finally, i went to watch the movie with my mum yesterday. frankly, i couldn't really remember the story after such a long time, and thus, went in to the cinema with no preconceived notion of how the story would unfold nor expectations of adherence to the storyline. i was not disappointed. for that matter, i loved the show!

there is always something magical in ang lee's productions. and in this show, i supposed it is his insistence on using asians, as well as the abilities to see and capture the movies from an asian perspective. i was able to so intimately connect with the scenes and dialogue that captured the various religions. of hinduism, islam, christianity, buddhism, and so on... and more so, ang lee's abilities to put all these together so neutrally, through the eyes and interpretations of the main character, pi. and it resonates with me, for i believed strongly that religion is a very personal journey. and pi's journey to finding his faith is just so magically captured by yan matel and the directorship of ang lee.

ps: and as to be expected, mum didn't like it. she couldn't understand the story other than it was about a boy who got stranded at sea with a tiger... :-)

sexy underwear

there is something i totally cannot understand... why do shopping centers place lady sales staff at male underwear sections? i mean, if these are very sexy young ladies, i could accept it that they could possibly boost the sales, especially to straight horny men. but come on, what i experienced thus far had been those aunties who are in their late-30s or more. but of cos, their product knowledge was rather good!

heh heh... and i said this cos as i shopped around for my sandals, i decided to also take a look around the underwear section. somehow, i do enjoy looking at the different underwear, especially over the past couple of years cos i noted the "sexy quotient" of the male underwear has increased manifold! compared to years ago, we now have all sorts of different models - tanga, thongs, g-strings, minis, etc, different prints, as well as different materials these days... and to make it interesting, shops are openly displaying all different underwear on mannequins. and to boost the sales, they are also making the extra efforts to stuff the crotch with extra tissue to make the bulge extra large!

and so, amidst all these mannequins that are oozing with sexiness, i cannot but felt super duper awkward and a tad embarrassed to have aunties going around asking if i need help. notwithstanding the fact that their product knowledge was tip top!

hahaha!

ps: now, please don't see this post as discriminatory, i have nothing against these ladies... just that i felt shopping centers need to be more sensitive to shoppers who might be a little shy, like me... hahaha!

omg ghost!

ladies, when you put on make up, put on a tone that makes you look good, not make you look like ghost... come on. life is stressful enough, so please for f-sake, don't add on to people's stress. that is not the meaning of dress to kill! damned!  and i wanna say this again after what i saw earlier...

you see, i was at the shopping center and i saw a woman from the back. she had long black hair and wore a skin-toned top. looking form her back, i thought she was naked... but when she turned around... arrrrggghhhhh!!! i thought she was a ghost! the compact that she used was so pale that it made her face white and bloodless. and to make things worst, she outlined her eyes with a thick black mascara and she had bright red lipstick! i got a fright for that moment (just like that taxi driver in the clip above)... wtf wtf wtf! 

hahaha!

"naked" lady

was at the shopping center earlier, and as i was about to take the lift to the car park, i saw a lady. 

her back was towards me. this lady has very long straight black hair, so long it reached her buttocks. and she wore an oversized top. it was those woven material and grips her waist tightly and other than that, it was totally oversized at the shoulder, the sleeves, etc... so much so that the extra materials draped over her short mini skirt... and here's the salah (wrong) part...

this lady was superbly fair, like tofu, and her woven top was the same colour of her skin. so from far, other than her long straight black hair that reached her buttocks, everything else looked one tone - her skin colour tone. and it looked like she's naked from the back...

salah salah salah...

gangnam!?!

oh please please please... no more gangnam style. i am so sick of the song and dance. totally overkill i thought (and i believe many others think so too). yet, it kept going on and on and on and on...

sorry...

"sorry" is the hardest word. so they say. but somehow in singapore, sorry is the most common word one would hear. come on, it is so common that there is already a phrase that trivialize the word sorry! "sorry no cure!", does this sound familiar? for example, when there is some maintenance work for a lift, a signage would be put up. and the signage says "sorry for the inconvenience caused". and earlier on, when i bought my sandals, i passed the cashier staff my atm card, and after she keyed in the amount, she said "sorry, can you key in your pin (personal identification number) number please"... i was like huh? why say sorry...

to say sorry is to apologize. and since you have never done anything wrong, why say sorry? in the case of the signage, wouldn't it be appropriate to say "we regret the inconvenience caused". and in the case of the cashier staff, should she just say, "hi sir, please key in your pin number"?...

sorry, sorry, sorry... 

sighs...

work vs play

my sis smsed me earlier lamenting how frustrated she was that the internet connection at her hotel in kuantan was intermittent and that it was difficult to get work done... and i was like - wtf! she has accompanied her husband on his working trip and has gone along with her kids as they are on their year-end school holiday. so, technically, she and her kids are on holiday! and instead of spending good quality time with her kids, she has brought along her laptop and wanted to get work done! 

really, sometimes i don't know whether i should be happy or sad for her. in this case, i was really happy that she was able to have the opportunity to go for a holiday with her family. and this was especially so becos she is a property agent and could hardly afford to have time off. and to make matter worst, her relationship with her kids (all in the late teens and early 20s) have been very bad and they often fight over mother-daughter stuff, i.e, trivial stuff, such as mum wants this or that to be cleaned but daughters refused to, etc. and so when she told me she's going away with her daughters, i thought they could make time to do some serious bonding... sighs. by doing so, isn't she sending the wrong signals to her kids inadvertently that they are not important and that her work is more important? sad right?

seriously... one should never mix work and play when it comes to such situations. when it is time to work, do work very hard. but when it is time to play, don't work! never never mix the two up!

hmmph!

new pair of sandals

bought a new pair of sandals today. and this is to replace a previous pair that was purchased two months back but somehow went missing. sighs... but well, looking on the brighter side, this one looks nicer and probably a little more comfortable.

:-)