Wednesday, 15 June 2011

my past travels

the following is an updated list of places i have travelled to up till jun 2011. there are many more areas that i have not visited. and it has always been my wish to also visit the wonders of the world including the grand canyon, the pyramids of egypt, the niagara falls and if i can afford, the ancient cities of the aztecs in south america :-)

2011
feb - malaysia (jb)

2010
may - malaysia (jb)
oct - indonesia (bintan)
nov - indonesia (jakarta)
dec - united arab emirates (abu dhabi, dubai)

2009
jun/jul - australia (perth, cervantes, margaret river, augusta, walpole, denmark, pemberton, manjimup, albany, hyden, corrigin, york, fremantle, joondalup)
jul - malaysia (malacca)
sep - malaysia (malacca)
nov - malaysia (jb)

2008
jun - thailand (phuket)
oct - malaysia (malacca, kuala lumpur)
dec - malaysia (cameron highlands, malacca)

2007
apr - malaysia (malacca)
apr - china (beijing)
jun - australia (perth)
aug - vietnam (hanoi, haphong)
aug - indonesia (jakarta, bandung)
dec - china (shanghai)

2006
apr - malaysia (kl)
jun - australia (sydney)
aug - thailand (bangkok)
sep-oct - indonesia (jakarta, bandung, lembang)
oct - thailand (bangkok)
dec - china (hong kong)

2005
feb - thailand (bangkok)
mar - malaysia
may - thailand (bangkok)
jun - indonesia (bintan)
jul - indonesia (bintan)
sep - indonesia (bintan)
oct - malaysia (kl)
nov - malaysia (jb, malacca)
nov - indonesia (bintan)
dec - taiwan (taipei)

2004
feb - taiwan (kaoshiung)
mar - taiwan (kaoshiung)
jun-dec - states (whole of florida, new york, chicago / illinois, etc)
dec - china (shanghai, hangzhou)

2003
jun - australia (sydney)
sep-oct - taiwan (taipei)
dec - s korea (seoul, sorat, incheon)

2002
jun - england (london, oxford, stratford upon avon, leeds, manchester, scarborough, windermere, etc)

2001
mar - states (california [la, sfo], new york)
may - taiwan (whole)
may - malaysia
jul - states (san diego)
dec - malaysia

2000
jun - australia (sydney)
dec - indonesia (bintan)

1999
feb - indonesia (jember)
may - england (london, brighton)
jun - malaysia
oct - japan (tokyo)

1998
mar - malaysia
jun - malaysia
sep - new zealand (christchurch)
nov - new zealand (christchurch, auckland)

1997
jun - indonesia (bintan, batam)
jun - thailand (bangkok, pattaya)
nov - switzerland (zurich, lucerne), israel (jerusalem)

pre-1997
lots of places but mainly in asia. these include east and west malaysia (lost count), taiwan (lost count), hong kong (twice?), australia brisbane, sydney, melbourne (1994), thailand (bangkok, kanchanaburi, chiangmai, chiangrai) (lost count), indonesia (bintan, batam, jember, surabaya) (trice?), brunei (lost count), etc etc etc...

ps: those highlighted in blue were for holidays, unhighlighted ones were for work.

Tuesday, 14 June 2011

gay ***


we have (myself included) too often been guilty of writing and expressing things using the prefix "gay" without know what we were trying to say - gay lifestyle, gay pub, gay club, gay pool, gay life, gay bar, gay la la la... and i sometimes think - what is it so gay about what we were saying that warrant it to be branded gay? for example, gay lifestyle. it's still a lifestyle right? what is so gay about it? all straight people also do what we do as a gay people do. ok, other than the part about having sex with another person of the same gender, what other things can be listed that straights don't do? so what is gay lifestyle? ok, i am not saying that the word gay does not have a place in the english dictionary. what i am saying is that we have generalized it, used it, and abused it so much that it has now become meaningless. and worst still, our mindless use of the "gay"-word might have also created unnecessary backlash due to the perception that we are a separate entity from the larger society. the thing about branding is that it differentiates things, and the results might not necessarily be good.

the issue here is - why do we so consciously and deliberately want to do it and if we are so conscious about it, why then are we doing it so loosely? are we so obsessed and insecure about ourselves and our identity that we are creating this invisible wall around ourselves? have we created this vague boundary that demarcate what is gay vs what is straight ourselves? have we become victims of our own insecurities? and in doing so, are we not creating this "you are with me, or you are not with me" mentality, both amongst gays and straights? and in doing so, do we not end up creating more restrictions for ourselves? do we not end up being unfair to ourselves inadvertently? and of cos, we usually blame it on the straights... it's cyclical isn't is. and part of the reasons of the continued cyclical nature is becos we fuel it by drawing that clear boundaries - this is gay, that is not, they discriminate me, i am gay, they are not, etc. no?

why do we not just go live our lives without bothering how people look at us (straight and gays)? why are we so insecure? also, have we not, in the attempt to push people's boundaries using our own agenda and our own benchmarks, created problems for other people like us? i often have gay people telling me i should come out loud and proud to my family. i have gay people who, in their own self-centric beliefs of freedom to love and gay activistic agenda, imposed their views upon me to the extend of scolding me/ telling me off for not coming out to my mum. to them everything is about them. everything is about being gay, out and proud. to me, they have failed to look beyond what is "them", they have failed to look at issues like respect, considerations, responsibilities and so on. to me, out and proud is not about announcing to the world you are a flamboyant queen. rather, it is about the confidence you have as a gay person and the ability to carry yourself well as an individual. from that perspective, being out and proud is about living one's life confidently and happily. you see, in no where is it stated here that i need to announce to the world that i am gay. i am gay because i am. not because i need to live up to someone's norms.

and for those of you who think being out and proud means telling the world about your sexuality, coming out to your parents, be a flaming queen, etc. good for you. as long as you are comfortable and happy with it. and if you have an issue with the society and the rules of the society, go deal with them and address it to the correct people, no need to impose your agenda (gay or otherwise) on people who have their own issues and their considerations as they manage their own space. and to those people who have time and again told me off and tried to convince me that being gay, i must come out to the world as well as my mum, i tell them - go get a proper perspective about life. they have failed to see the very simple logic that what makes them happy may not make other people happy.

out or otherwise.

then again, back to my original point, we are what we define ourselves to be. as long as we are happy. no need to define and create useless boundaries to differentiate.

agree?

splitting headaches

i am increasingly getting more splitting headaches these days. the kind of throbbing headaches that refuses to go away and i get this dull but strong feeling of something tugging in my head whenever i shift my head a little. it happened couple of nights ago and it is happening again now. added to this, i am also experiencing nightly insomnia...

why huh?

Sunday, 12 June 2011

here but not here

was at a japanese restaurant last evening and noted one very interesting but very sad thing - there were people who were there physically but not there emotionally, psychologically, mentally, and so on. and it was extra sad when this happened to everone in a family. read on.

from what we observed, a lot of the dining guests were regular customers. one family came in and it was obvious the chef knew them for he shouted out to them by name when they stepped into the restaurant. and as soon as they took their seat by the sushi/ sashimi counter, the chef started chatted happily with them. this family had 2 kids (probably about 8-9 years old). these kids, however, were not too particularly interested in talking uncle chef. instead, they whipped out their ipad and started playing their online games. they ignored the chef and soon enough, got lost into a world of their own. singaporean kids, i thought. sometime down, i was sure they would have issues with socialising with people. then again, it was none of my business right? i carried on eating.

soon enough, another family walked in.

hallow... dr ong! (surname has been changed) shouted out the restaurant staff and quickly ushered the family to their seats. another restaurant staff rushed forward and started talking to the mrs ong. hmmm, very familiar indeed. well, dr and mrs ong had a son and a daugther. the son should be about 12 yrs old and the daughter about 10 yrs old. both bespectacled and omg, the son's spectacles were super thick, close to a 1000 degrees myopic i was sure. the family took their seat beside bee and i and mrs ong spared no time and started rattling off what they wanted. bowl of cherry tomatoes for the daughter, a plate of gyoza for the son, chawanmushi all round, a big serving of ebi tempura, etc etc etc... and even before mrs ong was done ordering, dr ong, son ong and daughter ong whipped out their own electronic toys - dr ong with his smart phone, son and daughter ong with their nintendos (looks like it) - and started playing with them. mrs ong joined in with her own smart phone immediately after she finished ordering the food. and very soon, the whole family settled comfortably into their dinner table. it was a case of family ong was physically there, but mentally, emotionally, psychologically, all of them were in their own worlds... it was not long later when dr ong realized what was happening and asked everyone to not play games. the kids ignored him. as for him and the wife, despite not playing, they went into this silent, "i eat my food, you eat yours" state of affairs. as for the kids, they carried on playing. when the food arrive, once a while, the kids would stretch out their hands to take a piece or two, stuffed them into their mouths and carried on playing, oblivious seemingly to what they were eating.

superbly sad!!! i thought the first family was bad, but this one was much much much worst. a "dr" title for the dad, a lot of earnings i supposed given that they seemed to be able to splurge on such dinners rather often, but really, the quality of life is really doubtful if you ask me lor...

sighs sighs sighs...

just imagine - sometime in the near future, people would all be living in a matrix world. everyone alive, breathing and kicking but not interacting physically. rather, everyone is plugged into their own devices and existing in their own make believe world - a world that each and everyone think is real. to them, that is.

argh!

Saturday, 11 June 2011

tom hanks @ orchard

was at isetan orchard with bee and saw a huge crowd gathered at the ground floor. there was a red carpet laid out and the crowd had gathered on both sides of the red carpet. i soon learned that it was shaw lido cineplex's grand opening tonight. it was clear that some celebrity had been invited. and before i knew it... i saw tom hanks. not too tall, rather fair and very friendly. he literally stopped every 2 step to talk to people. anyway, what caught my attention and amused me was not tom hanks (i am not too particularly a person who chase celebrities in the first place). rather, it was the comments and reactions of people around me that made me smile. here's some of it...

(1) passer-by hokkien auntie to her fellow hokkien auntie (in hokkien): wah... who is that? so many people! her hokkien auntie friend: i also don't know... i can only see a lot of ang mo people, don't even know what the big deal is? tsk tsk tsk... so many people... i don't know how to appreciate. i don't even know what the hell is happening!... and they strutted off...

(2) teenage mat gang walking by not knowing who the hell tom hanks was and as per a lot of typical attention-seeking mat gang, they started talking loudly. one mat shouting to another mat: ooi ooi, siapa tu? siapa tu?... the other mat replied: alamak, tak tau la... tu! tu! tu!... siapa tu? ehhhh, michael jackson ke? (roll eyes)

(3) inside isetan, one elderly american lady to her husband (strong american slang): what's the commotion about? there must be someone important coming! husband: well, i dunno (turning to singaporean salesgirl) eh... do you know who's coming? singaporean salesgirl: ahhhh, ahhhh... i donno leh! but ne'er mind, see see... and they all leaned forward and waited eagerly (of cos i told them it was tom hanks and the american lady got excited...)

(4) second floor isetan, china chinese salesgirl (when she saw people screaming as tom hanks walked up the escalator) (in shrilling voice and in beijing mandarin to her fellow china chinese salesgirl): who the hell is that? (her salesgirl friend) ah, i donno too, but wahhhh... everyone screaming, take picture take picture and she whipped out her handphone camera and started snapping (by which time tom hanks had disappeared)...

hahaha...

:-)

fashion haywire

was walking around orchard area earlier on and i noticed this guy - very nice looking, prim and proper, almost nerdy, typical singapore civil-servant looking and very neatly dressed in a well pressed nice fitting short sleeve shirt. the shirt looked equally nerdy - very 3-arrow brand type - the type that i am sure not many gay men would wear... hahaha. he was with his girlfriend (or almost girlfriend). they were at the early stage of dating i guess cos they were joking and laughing but walked with a small distance apart. i had noticed them since bee and i were at wheelock. and when we walked around isetan shaw towers, they were there too.

but it was not until shaw that i noticed his dressing in full...

short sleeve shirt (see above description) that was tugged out (wah lau!!!), loose navy blue coloured jeans (double wah-lau!!!), and tennis-shoes (triple wah lau!!!)...

must be straight!

:-)

ps: don't get me wrong, each piece of the dressing was perfectly fine and nice. it when he wore all of them together, they clashed like no one business! and all these were made worst by the fact that he wore a superbly nerdy pair of glasses!

nice dinner

we decided to head to a new place for a nice dinner earlier on. and we wanted to try a new place. hmmm... should we head to bukit timah? changi village? orchard road? dempsey place? jurong? in the end, we went to tanglin shopping center. we thought that would be a nice place to look at antiques and art pieces. and as for dinner, bee said he wanted something simple. for me, with my diet restrictions, i thought japanese would be most appropriate... sashimi, sushi, la la la... and that was what we agreed on in the end. japanese.

we wondered around the place. it was one end of the orchard road that we hardly walked and for a while, it felt like we were overseas. nice! we eventually ended up at this place called akanoya robatayaki. nice quaint looking place from the outside, but once we stepped in, it felt totally japanese. well... almost, cos the staff there spoke a lot of mandarin, and mostly malaysian accented mandarin too! heh heh... but we did not regret. the menu was unusual, the food was truly awesome (awwweeesome indeed!!!) and the service was good. of cos, the price was a little high, but considering the wonderful experience, we thought it was well worth it!

it was a nice saturday indeed!

:-)

ps: the things we ate were rather common - salmon belly, reverse california sushi, chawanmushi, stewed pork, grilled codfish, garlic rice, cold soba, gyoza etc... but the way they cook and the freshness of the produce... it was simply heavenly! just imagine biting into things and the juice just ooze out... and the burst of flavours... hmmmm...

Friday, 10 June 2011

mutant & proud

x-man origins: first class

i am "mutant and proud".

i like... no, i love it!

hmmm... sound so gay right? everytime i watch x-men (regardless of which episode or which show), i will always get reminded of myself... a gay person. the words, the nuances, the storyline, and so on. and it was the same for the latest instalment - x-men origins: first class. then again, was i reading to much? maybe i was, maybe i was not. but watching shows such as x-men, i am sure all marginalized communities would be able to identify with the themes of wanting to fit in, hostilities, fear, stigmatization, etc right? then again, who cares? i am mutant and proud, i am gay and proud. what difference does it make? as long as i am happy and comfortable with what i am, that is the most important right?

ahhh, yes, i watched x-men origins: first class earlier on and it was really awesome. it explained everything! all questions i had about magneto, professor x, mystique, etc all fell into place. questions like - what were the origins behind their names, why professor x had to sit in a wheel chair, why magneto turned bad, what was the origins behind magneto's headgear, why professor x had never attempted to read mystique's mind, why magneto cried when professor x died, how the beast came about, etc... everything was answered! loved the show!

:-)

Thursday, 9 June 2011

chinese sinseh again

i decided to seek tcm help again for my non-stop cough. today, it was a different sinseh. and she made it sound so serious. wah... your 五脏六腑 or wu zang liu fu (five viscera [yin organs] and six bowels [yang organs]) all got problems! and she went on to explain how one was linked to another and how the system of problems came together and resulted in my cough... she said although i am relatively young by age, my body is already like an old aged person.

i felt like a dead person by the time she finished explaining!

hehe... well, whatever the case, what was significant was that she told me i should keep away from chicken, duck, all forms of nuts/ legumes, no tofu or tofu-related products, no oily stuff, no spicy stuff, no fruits (well, apple is ok) and no cold stuff as all these would contribute to weakening my system... but interestingly, she said it is ok for me to eat pork, fish, mutton and beef. i have all along thought mutton and beef is high in cholesterol and i should avoid them. but she clarified that i should go for the lean parts and avoid the fats.

hmmm... looks like i'm gonna go on another slimming drive!

:-)

ps: oh, the sinseh told me i need to sleep by 11pm nightly instead of pass midnight. challenging lo... cos the thing is - i cannot sleep so easily as i also suffer from insomnia!...

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

borrowing money

i have a school friend whom i knew since the early 80s. we lost contact more than 2 decades ago. last year, this friend called me from out of the blue and asked me to lent her a huge sum of money. she claimed it was to help her sibling who got into some money problems. i did not lent her as i was jobless. a couple of months later, she called again, and asked if i could lent her money. she admitted that it was not really her brother's issue but rather, it was her own issues. again i did not lent her as i was not in a position to do so. she stopped contacting me after that.

2 weeks ago, she called again asking me to lent her cash. she said she was in indonesia and she needed cash urgently to extricate herself from some problems. i relented and transferred some cash to her. she promised to call me back 2 days later once she return to singapore. she didn't. instead i got an sms saying she needed time to sort out her mess. i did not respond. i did not want to sound like i wanted to pressure her. then again, i felt it was a little discourteous for not responding her sms. but i left it as such.

last week at about 5am one weekend morning (about 4 days after the last sms), she smsed me telling me she need to get out of singapore for the time being cos it was not convenient for her to be in singapore. but she promised me she'd returned the cash to me. again, i did not reply the sms as i was uneasy with how this was developing. that very evening, she smsed me again asking me to help her with another lump sum of cash. and her sms started with "my 25-year friend..." i sensed an attempt in emotional blackmailing (anyway, she got her number wrong, it was 28-year). i felt even more uneasy. on one hand, the compassionate heart in me says i should help, but on the other hand, the (also) compassionate heart in me says i should not. in the end, i did not respond. i switched off my phone. i was clearly uneasy and somewhat unhappy with how the sms sounded.

this evening, i switched on my phone and i saw her sms. it was sent tonight. it was a from a number with a country code +853. she said her singapore number had been terminated and asked me to help her with just a `small' amount to help her with lodging and food. the message sounded way too dodgy. a 4-figure amount was not small as far as i was concern. i did a check online. it revealed the number to be from macau... i switched off my phone. i had mixed feelings. on one hand, i felt sad. sad that she had fallen into such a state. on the other hand, i felt angry. angry as i felt she had taken advantage of our friendship.

i thought hard and deep. initially, i had told myself i should not make any assumptions and help in whatever small way i could. and despite all the things she said, i have told myself not to try linking any dots. but really, after this last sms and the knowledge that it came from macau, i couldn't help but link all the dots together. there seemed to be a lot of lies, a lot of monies lost due to "investments". if she was in such financial problems, why was she travelling so often? and of all places, why macau? if you were me, how would you join the dots? what kind of conclusions would you make about this person?

giving & receiving

our normal mental model is that when we receive, we are always the one feeling indebted to the person who gives us the gift. but do we not realize that sometimes when we receive, we end up giving more?

eg when someone eats what you cook, do you not feel very happy? when someone accepts your help, do you not feel the satisfaction of being in a position to help? when someone accepts your love, do you not feel loved in return? for all of these, your feeling is priceless right?

joy of cooking

the thing about cooking is that you put in so much effort to cook becos you simply enjoy the process of doing it. and the fact is - you really do not end up eating it cos the real joy is in having people appreciate your effort and enjoying the food you cook.

that, to me is the ultimate priceless gift anyone can give to the cook.

Sunday, 5 June 2011

bak chang 2011

i totally forgot about the dumpling festival (aka 端午节 or duānwǔ jié) this year! and it was until yesterday when my mum asked me about it that i recalled. and i was like - omg! i had forgotten about it! and my mum told me my sis-in-law wanted to try making bak chang (meat dumpling) for the first time and had asked her (my mum) to teach her how to do it. and then last evening, mum called me on my handphone to ask me how to make bak chang cos she had also forgotten parts of the process. and after giving her my recipe and tips about how to prepare the stuff and the process, i decided that it would be in everyone's interest (especially my mum) for me teach my sis-in-law myself.

and so, i went to my bro's place early today. and then i got a surprise. on top of the usual nonya chang , they also wanted me to teach them how to make hokkien kiam chang (hokkien savoury meat dumpling)! alamak!... i have been making my own version of nonya chang (the sweet meat version) for the last few years and it was easy peezy for me. but as for kiam chang... errr... i have never made it before! and so, i had to use my own initiatives and knowledge about the fundamentals of chinese cooking to derive my own recipe. hmmm... it was interesting. thankfully, in the end, the kiam chang that i came out with was not too bad! a little too bland, but otherwise, very decent and rather nice (my mum's and my sis-in-law's words)... and as for the nonya chang, well well well, i actually thought it was the best that i have made so far cos this year, i decided to throw in a lot more winter melon and to do so at the last 5 mins of cooking the meat. this actually kept the texture of the winter melon and gave the chang its very sweet chewy texture...

i like!

heh heh heh... one more year down and one more new recipe!

:-)

ps: picture was taken in 2008, but i thought, well, a chang is a chang and so, i have decided to publish it here again! heh heh...

Friday, 3 June 2011

blogging vs learning

here is a copy of what i theorised as to how blogs could be used in the context of learning. i created this model after going through more than a thousand over studies about blogging and learning. what do you think?

Thursday, 2 June 2011

spoilt singaporeans

an online friend had the opportunity to visit singapore over the last couple of days and blogged about his experiences. he was going "awesomeness" "omg" etc over many many things he experienced here. the things he wrote about that awed him so much included things such as bus stops that stop right in front of our doorsteps, mrt stations that are next to housing estates, the high connectivity of the island via mrt, the travellators, the scene, the sights, the leg space at the cinema, etc etc etc. and his curiosity and the questions he asked and pondered aloud were things that i am sure many singaporeans won't even be bothered to ask. things like - why bras basah? why espan-ade and not espla-nut. and promen-nut vs promen-ade. it was really refreshing to read his writings as it reflects the views of someone who just had his first visit to singapore. i smiled when i read his blog. and it was not so because i thought the things he wrote were nonsensical, but rather, i smiled becos simple things like these impressed him. and i thought hmmm, kl is also as developed and happening right? ok, may be not the mrt bit, but malaysia is also a modern city and it has many attractions too right?

but as i reflected, one thing struck me real hard - that singaporeans have all taken for granted our heritage and the convenience that we have been provided with. and that singaporeans have become too self-indulgent that we have also stopped being curious about ourselves. instead, all singaporeans could do now is to complain complain and complain. singaporeans complain about having not enough mrt stations, mrt stations that stop too far away from their house, that mrt are being built too slow, crowded places, la la la...

also, i bet you not many singaporeans do not know the history and the meanings of some of our beautifully named areas/ road. (eg what is tanjong rhu and why is it called tanjong rhu? what is telok kurau and why is it called telok kurau...) perhaps the stopping of teaching malay as our bahasa kebangsaan or our national language since the early '80s have resulted in subsequent generations that are not sensitised to malay words. whatever it is, singaporeans have accepted things as they are. they no longer are curious. and becos of this, they have missed out the many little treasures of the singapore experience.

isn't it regretful? living in heaven but not knowing how to appreciate heaven. seeing things half empty rather than half filled...

ps: for those who still have some sense of curiosity about things around you, i encourage you to learn a bit of malay and you will know many more things about singapore's pass that you never know existed before. and of cos, you will be able to appreciate the romantic nature of the malay words and the charm it gives to the places... jalan senyum (the lane of smiles), jalan sayang (the lane of love), tanjong rhu (the bay of casuarinas - imagine a bay where the waves softly laps and where rows and rows of casuarina trees lining the beach front sway and dance to the gently nudges of the breeze), etc...

fruits of my studies

i completed my masters programme almost 3 years ago and in the process, i managed to publish (as the first author) a paper on the use of online applications such as the blog for learning. it started off as my critical inquiry module and by the time i completed the research and the writings, it seemed almost equivalent to a phd thesis... heh heh. it was a great and pleasant surprise when my supervisor told me it could easily qualify for publication in an education journal and asked if i would be willing to recraft parts of the paper to sharpen it after i graduate. i agreed and recrafted the paper according to his suggestions. the paper eventually got accepted by a renown international journal for publication after being reviewed by 3 international authorities on the topic. i was superbly happy about it. it was, to me, an achievement, considering that the last time i managed to get any papers published was in 1991 after my honours thesis was published. anyway, after i got the paper published, i conveniently moved on.

and then something totally unexpected happened last month...

i was in the middle of my work and an email came in. it was from my supervisor. it was a pleasant surprise cos it had been such a long time since we communicated. and when i read the email, i almost fell off my chair! he asked if i could recall one particular assignments i did during my programme on student motivation when particpating in online discussion (of cos i did!). and he said that he had submitted it for presentation in an international conference and it had been accepted. and he asked if i would be keen to join him for this conference that would be held in july in hong kong. and what was even more surprising was that my work has also been accepted for publication as a chapter in a book to be published by springer - one of the top international book publishers in the world.

i was like "wah... what the..."

i smiled ear-to-ear when i read and reread and reread the email. i was tempted to go for the conference. but on second thoughts, the period would be a very hectic period for me at work. so regretfully, i turned down the offer... but well, i wasn't expecting anything and when this email came in, it really brightened up my day!

:-)

lingering sore throat

i realized that despite me slowly gaining my voice back, my throat continues to feel very sore, particularly at night. i supposed in the daytime, due to the need to talk, my throat muscles would be nicely exercised. and at night, when i get relaxed, that would be when things start to ache...

hmmm...

and to make matters worst, when the ambient temperature drops, i would start to cough. and to prevent my cough, i have to make sure the fan is blowing away from me. and with the sweltering heat these days, it is one helluva difficult to get proper sleep. a classic case of fan also cannot (cough), no fan also cannot (hot!). no win situation...

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

mid-year!

at 2359hrs last night, it struck me that it would be middle of the week when the final minute was up. and i thought - wow! it had been a good week. busy but productive. it has been one of those very few weeks where i was able to do my work without feeling disturbed and strangled by people around me... i was glad mid-week was on the way. and as i reflected, it suddenly also dawned upon me that i would also be entering the middle of the year. june has arrived! omg! half a year had passed! half of 2011 had slipped by so quickly! and i started thinking about my achievements over the last half year! damned! half a calender year gone, and one full quarter of the fiscal year down! on one hand, it seemed like lots of things have been done, yet it wasn't so clear that i had achieved any of my major kpis... especially my revenue targets! damned!

i better start to buck up!

argh!

:-)

moderate?

for the longest time, i had hoped to be able to edit some of the comments i recieved cos there were times where i felt some words would be better left out, or at least be qualified with some additional remarks (on my part)... to me, that would be the meaning of "moderate". right? that would also be in sync with what blogspot calls it right? but then when i tried to "moderate" the comments, i was only given the choice of "publish" or "delete" hmmm... so what is the point of calling it "moderate". why not just provide me to choice to "publish" or "delete" from onset, and don't need me to click another time...

1st work anniversary

time flies! today the start of my second year at work in this current company. it seemed like only yesterday when i first started work. and i was so touched when my staff got me a cake to celebrate my 1st anniversary.

totally unexpected!

thinking back, it was a totally packed and interesting year. went through 2 changes of positions within this one year. not to mention, an early confirmation and one promotion. quite rare and almost unheard of in my company and i was really thankful to them for the trust they have in me. it was certainly an achievement!

:-)

Sunday, 29 May 2011

ugly singaporeans

this was what went through my mind when i visited changi airport t3 last evening - "omg! singaporeans are really ugly!"

(the second thing that passed through my mind was "man! singaporeans are a hungry lot - and it wasn't even hungry ghost festival yet!" but ahem... that would be another story... let me go on about the "ugly" part...)

when i said ugly, i didn't mean ugly as in "bad behaviour", that has already been accepted as a norm for me. i meant - their physical looks can be really really... erm... ugly. there were many people with distorted facial features (yes, i am being mean to write this), people who were fat, people who were obese, people who wore make-up so thick their face looked like some terracotta warrior (and they would even put the japanese geishas to shame), people who poured so much perfume on their body you could smell them miles away, people with hairdos so bad you wished they'd just go bald, people with faces that don't match the body, people with body that don't match the clothes, and people with clothes that don't match the personality... and a splish splash of colours all over the body that clash everywhere! aiyoyo! and not to mention there were many many people who strut around in slippers, singlets, and shorts macam they were in a wet market. and for god sake, you don't dress your toddlers up in pyjamas, bring them to the airport and let them run around like it was some pyjamas stay over night! it was simply an eye sore! that was not what you do to welcome your guest from other countries!

eeeeeeeeks! may be this was some plot of sia to make their girls look good (considering their standards have dropped over the years...)

then again, when i looked at myself, i myself was not dressed to the 9s either. i was in my berms, pullover (as usual) and in my sandals too... so... heh heh... i must be as ugly as many of them too! heh heh heh...

:-)

ps: for any tourists who happened to go down to basement 2 foodcourt after arriving singapore, it must have felt like descending into hell (ahhh.. get me back to my country!), everything look fugly, both in its behavioural sense as well as in it physical sense, and all the crowds and the screaming and wailing kids. well... i could only say - surprising singapore! uniquely singapore! welcome! vanekum! selamat datang ke singapura!

changi t3

i have my dinner at changi airport t3 foodcourt quite often. after all, it is only a 5min drive from my place. and i like to head there becos it is relatively quiet and there are a lot of space, which means i do not get the claustrophobic feel there and i do not need to squeeze amongst crowds, join in the endless queues for food, and so on...

but this wasn't so last night when i visited the place for dinner. the place was totally jam-packed. i first saw signs of overcrowding when i appraoch the carpark. there were 3 basement levels with a combined total of more an a thousand carpark lots. and when i arrived, there was only about 100lots left in basement 3. first time! and when i walked into the building itself, it looked like a typical orchard road traffic junction where hundreds of people were waiting to cross. and it was 9-plus. my goodness! and it way past dinner time! yet, there were long queues in the foodcourt. all the tables were filled and there were people standing behind those still eating. and of cos, there were those few wondering around waiting to pounce on newly available tables. and there were screaming children all over the place! it seemed like these days, parents do not sent their kids to bed at 8pm... worst still, parents there totally let loose their kids. many were running around and screaming at the top of their voice, not to mention quite a few others were crying and wailing.

changi airport t3 has become a big childcare center with a hawker-center!

aarrggghhhh!

Saturday, 28 May 2011

ladybird

this is something that used to be a common sight during my kampong days. i often get it flying into my house and i would catch it and admire its beauty. reminded of it when someone used the nick "ladybird" to post comments in my blog recently. the ladybird hardly comes by these days. i don't even know if it still exist in the wild in singapore.

picture obtained from http://www.123rf.com. i am not sure if it is the same species as those found locally. nonetheless, it is a ldaybird alright!

working @ home

i just spend my whole freaking saturday working at home!

well, ok, ok... not the whole saturday. was at my mum's till abt 2pm and then i came home and it was work work work. need to hand up the completed proposal by monday and i am only half there. well, am not really complaining frankly. on the bright side, it's half done! actually, when i work, i can get kinda sucked into it such that i can loose track of time totally - like today. and then before i realized it, it is already coming to 7-plus! and i only stopped cos i am hungry...

ok, gonna head out for dinner, take my medicine and then perhaps have an early night.

:-)

ps: this is such a lame aimless post! ha!

Friday, 27 May 2011

kfpd 2

somehow, as i watched kung fu panda 2, i couldn't help but get reminded of many of the political undertones... my mind was racing non-stop as i watched the show... why do we have a panda with green eyes? a panda that behaves anything but chinese... it reeks so much of having an american identity behind a chinese front, an abc (american born chinese) kinda thing... and why do we have an enemy-of-panda that is a red and white peacock, to be accurate, while peacock with feathers patterns that looked like a red dot in the center... hmmm... panda - china on the outside, america on the inside? america's silent way of trying to americanise the modern china? pop culture? and then we have peacock - bird we usually associate with india. red and white? to be specific red dot in white background - japan? land of the rising sun? hmmm, kinda uncanny, but it seemed like we have a show that is trying to illustrate the goings of 4 major powers at play here... america, china, japan and india...

ok, i am getting to sound out of place... my geopolitical trainings getting into my way again...

and oh, by the way, didn't we also know that china and india, and china and japan, have historical tensions too? and are currently competing powers in the asian region... but well, what about history where japan invaded china and had millions killed (nanking massacre)? peacock killing panda village? hmmm... and what about america beating the shit out of japan with red firy balls called atomic bombs? ok, ok... i just cannot stop...

anyway, despite being reminded of all these things, i actually enjoyed the show. a lot more depth in this story. i liked the fact that the show brought out the different sides of almost every individual characters and that it also explained a whole lot more of panda's history. nice! and yes, if you wanna watch it, it is worth every bit to pay a bit more and watch the 3d version. lots of actions.

:-)

ps: i actually did not find it funny that i shared the same surname as the villian of the show. hmmph!

Thursday, 26 May 2011

resting @ home

last night, i slept early. i had a good and restful night. then again, it was the kind of sleep where i knew i had quite a few dreams through the night, but just simply could not recall the dreams when i woke up. most importantly, i woke up feeling refreshed mentally. however, i could not say i was as refreshed physically. in fact, when i woke up, my eyelids were almost glued to each other, my throat felt parched and tight, and i felt thirsty and sticky from a night of perspiration. and when i tried to talk, nothing came out! i had totally totally totally lost my voice!

i decided that i should abandon my chinese medication today and that i should consult a western doctor. screw the long term wellness that tcm promised. what i needed immediately were short term solutions to regain my voice, clear my throat and most importantly, get well! and so i went to my family physician... walked into the consultation room and as usual, my family doctor smiled broadly, welcomed me and asked about my mum, my family la la la... he knew my family well, afterall, we have been seeing him since the mid-1970s. this doctor had operated on me when i was 5 yrs old, and he had seen me grow from a small kid into an adult today as much as i have seen him aged from a young man into a elderly gentleman who is in this late-6os/ early-70s now. anyway, i walked in, smiled and tried to say hello but what came out with nothing more than a low-toned and coarse "haaiii"... and i couldn't even deliver that single word clearly! he noted my response, and hurriedly ushered me to take my seat. he checked my temperature, my breathing, my throat, and so on. and to his questions, i could only utter single-worded answers. i had to use my hands to make sign languages, as well as to nod and shake my head to complement my largely inaudible vocal responses. he gave quite a few tsk tsk tsk... and spoke in kind, warm, reassuring tones. the kind of tone you would expect a daddy to speak to his sickly boy lying in the hospital bed... yes, that was the same feeling he gave me after all these close to 40 years of knowing him. he went on to write me a prescription, told me he would give me an mc and that i really needed to rest...

and so here i am... mentally refreshed and quite awake, and doing my work at home via my blackberry. but physically, i am resting...

:-)

keeping the no-lying precept

i had spend some time to delete all my pictures/ status updates/ postings in my facebook lately as part of my exit from facebook. and in the process, i realized i had some past postings where i posted urls from controversial sites. and looking at them now, it was clear to me that i had been emotional. i reckoned that that by reporting these urls, i had helped to spread lies. and i asked some myself some questions...
  • when we deliberately spread a piece of information that we know is true, are we guilty of lying?
    • when we deliberately spread a piece of information that we know is not true, are we guilty of lying?
    • when we deliberately spread a piece of information that we were not sure whether is true or not, are we guilty of lying?
    • when we deliberately spread a piece of information that we were not sure whether is true or not, then go about verifying it. and when we found it to be not true, we did not retract the information and continue spreading it. are we guilty of lying?
    • when we deliberately spread a piece of information that we were not sure whether is true or not, then go about verifying it. and when we found it to be not true, we retract the information and stop spreading it. are we guilty of lying?
    these were some questions i asked myself when i revisited some of my postings in my facebook. and i concluded that if i continue to keep postings in my facebooks after finding out that they are not true, i would have broken my precept of not lying.

    hmmm...

    ps: as to what my answers are to the questions above, for question 1 and 5, no, we are not guilty of lying. for questions 2 and 4, yes we are guilty of it. as for question 3, it is quite "iffy" and we can argue both for or against. but i think the key point here is that if we have made the decision to post the url, we must also take it upon ourselves to verify the information. that would be a responsible thing to do as a buddhist. many a times, it is not whether we lie or not, it is about our responsibilities to seek the truth. that, ultimately is what being enlightened is about.

    fts


    foreign talents? who coined this name by the way? perhaps it has been coined with all good intentions. but the way this term had been bastardized and used, it had been degraded into nothing but a mockery by the ungrateful people of this country to mean anything foreign that do not meet their freaking elitist standards or likings. seriously, singaporeans are a whole lot of self-denying people. frankly, how many of you singaporeans do not have ancestors who come from foreign soils? almost none! and you dare to now throw your weights around people you deemed foreigners! what audacity! and worst still, how dare you degrade and place people lower than you just because they do all the jobs you don't want to do? without them, where do you get your mbs? without them? where do you get your clean hawker centers? do you not realize that these people are no different from your samsui women of the years passed? ungrateful!

    this morning, i was reminded about some experiences of mine when i visited australia in 1993 and 1996. in both occasions, i was there to attend some overseas training. and in both occasions, i had the opportunity to interact with some locals. i was reminded by mnay of my friends and colleagues, before heading there, that i should move around in groups and avoid the locals (read - australians). the locals were known to react unkindly to overseas asians. the advice was not unfounded cos personally i did have some rather unpleasant encounters. apart from being spitted at, i also had people shouting "hey, go back to your fucking country!" at me. such hostilities were particularly stark in urbanized areas such as sydney and its surrounding suburbs. in contrast, i found people in the less populated areas such as mount tamborines to be really friendly. in fact, i had made some pretty good friends during my stay there and some remained friends for many many years.

    when i was faced with such negative reactions, the feeling was not pleasant at all. and it was not pleasant at several levels. firstly, as a visitor to the country, i was spending good money there and i was contributing to their well-being directly. i definitely did not deserve such treatments from them. secondly, i did not do anything to them to provoke such a responses. well, i know they were not happy that about the large numbers of asians (especially vietnamese) within their communities. on one hand, i could not really blame them cos it was rather clear that the asians were not really making any efforts to integrate with the locals. also, there did not seemed to be any strong initiatives from the local authorities to encourage such social integration. but on the other hand, i could not accept their strong reactions to me. i thought it was a tat too elitist and did not speak well of australian as a whole. i was really glad i came from singapore and i felt really proud to be singaporean. singapore was a country where "regardless of race, language or religion" was part of the national pledge. social policies were all aimed towards integration. after my visit in 1996, i decided i should minimize my visits to australia... to me, the australia then equated to western-elitism and bad behaviour.

    fast forward to today, 2011 may.

    it seemed like what i saw in australia in 1993/96 is now happening right in front of me. people (read - singaporeans) are selfish, self-centered, elitist, etc. singapore seemed to now equate to western-elitism. hmmm, perhaps, no. singapore is now more of self-centred, singapore-elistism. people attitude can be summed up as - i am a singapore chinese and i don't welcome china chinese becos they are (fill in the blanks), i am a singapore indian (south asian) and i don't welcome india indians becos they are (fill in the blanks), etc... worst still, some people turn nasty when they see anything that seemed foreign (and this includes hanyu pinyin names)! i can understand the tensions. i can accept that singaporeans feel unhappy about having foreigners as they give the society a slightly different and unfamiliar feel. it can be rather unsettling. but from the many readings and interactions, i realized that singaporeans have the "unwanted jobs, give it to them (foreigners), but when it resources and common space, i want it all" mentality. it is quite troubling. it is quite sickening.

    anyway, the recent events made me think very hard about whether it is really worthwhile to stay in this country. also, it made me think very hard whether i should simply cut off some of my friends (elitist ones, emotional ones, unobjective ones, and so on). as what many have told me, to be happy, one needs to mix around with happy people. i supposed this also applies to having similar minded friends when it comes to thinking. again, it is nothing against them.

    ok, will stop here... just another emotional but aimless reflection while resting at home.

    Wednesday, 25 May 2011

    voice

    i conducted a workshop today and halfway through, i lost my

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    v

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    e

    Tuesday, 24 May 2011

    reunited & it feels so good

    sometime back, i decided to remove all my blogs that captured my thoughts about volunteer teaching and experiences as a volunteer teacher. and what i did was to publish them in a separate blog. this was with the thinking that in doing so, i would be able to protect my students. it would not do good for any parents to be worried about having a gay teacher teach their kids. but well, now that i have terminated my volunteer teaching, i have decided that i should merge my postings/ reflections back into this blog.

    and that was exactly what i have just done!

    :-)

    ps: frankly, i did think twice about why i should even do it in the first place cos if i cannot be true to myself, i would not be able to be a true teacher. then again, that would be too naive and too self-centered a thinking to keep. and finally after quite a bit of reflections, i segregated the blogs.

    Sunday, 22 May 2011

    friend from bkk

    got to know this person from bkk some months back thru facebook. he is sgporean and has been working in bkk for more than a decade. and he would sms me very often when we first exchanged contact numbers. and of late, he has been sms-ing me every weekend (no fail). and his sms would always be: "hi hi, have you masturbated today?"

    what a weird way to start an sms trial...

    :-)

    liang teh

    bee made me chrysanthemum/ luohan guo tea today. been downing it to cool my body. have also slept the whole afternoon... (hmmm, not too sure how i'm gonna sleep tonight!)... as of now, my body still aches like crazy, the hay fever is still there on and off, but otherwise, i am feeling better. but really, how do you explain liang teh in western terms other than hydrating the body and clearing all the toxins with that additional fluid intake. heh heh... whatever it is, to me, traditional medication works. and that is all that matters!

    let's hope i can get a good rest tonight. need to get to work tomorrow!

    ps: and it is great that it is raining outside now... will be a cool night! then again, am not optimistic it will last. apparently, it is only raining around my area... hmmm...


    office renovation

    since the last time my friends and i spoke about office feng shui, i had bought myself a new office chair (see picture). i had spend quite a bit of time selecting one that would be as comfortable as possible. and it was just nice that vhive has an ongoing sale for office chairs! the chair came in on friday and i invited my staffs to give it a try. they were all full of envy! it was so comfortable! (but of cos, i decided to pay for it myself rather than get the company to pay, i do not think it is justifiable cos there is an existing chair for me to sit)... :-)

    and over this weekend, my office would be renovated such that all feng shui issues including fluorescent light direction, office door location, direction of opening of office door, etc are all corrected. well, superficially, it seemed like i am superstitious. but frankly, i had not wanted to do all these changes cos i thought it was not required. but given recent developments in manpower staffing, i will be getting new managers coming in over the next couple of months. and to accomodate these new managers, i would have to create new space/ cubicles to house them. and looking around, the only thing i could do would be to tear down my meeting room. and to create a meeting space, the only other space available is the dead space outside my office. the only thing that prevented me from maximizing this space was my office door. it open diagonally across the space. it was therefore necessary for me to move my door. it seemed like everything fell in place quite neatly. heh heh...

    i look forward to going back to office tomorrow. new layout, new chair, etc. new start.

    :-)

    sniff sniff cough cough

    felt terribly weak whole of last night and couldn't sleep properly. i was slightly feverish and cold at the same time. and my whole body ached like crazy!

    i decided to go to the chinese sinseh today. and just looking at me tongue, my throat, and my description, she was able to give a very very accurate description of all other symptoms i had. interestingly, she asked if my shit is sticky or comes out in rolls (ya, i know it is kinda gross to ask such questions). i told her it is neither hard nor soft and rather ok. i added that i have been on vegetarian diet and my passing motion frequency had been ok and smooth. surprisingly, she added that it is ok to be on vegetarian diet for short periods. but i should also be careful and have a well balanced and nutritious diet. if need be, i should try to take some meat.

    it was an interesting visit. and she told me she would give me some medication that would make me sweat, stop my cough, reduce my backflow of mucus and to make my throat less dry (and hence less thirsty).

    let's hope i recover soon!

    :-)

    Saturday, 21 May 2011

    about singaporeans

    my conclusion from the last election - most (if not all) of us have become selfish, greedy and lazy.

    agree?

    Friday, 20 May 2011

    am out of it

    after thinking about it for sometime, i have formally written in to withdraw from my volunteer teaching and my email had been acknowledged. nonetheless, i did indicate that if there is an urgent need and relief teaching is needed, i would be able to help.

    mum's uti

    i slept at about 12.45am. at about 2am, i got a call from a malaysian number. i ignored the call. apparently, someone from malaysia had been calling my number quite frequently. but i was cock sure it was either a wrong call, or a prank as (1) the phone is an office issue phone, (2) i do not have any dealings with any malaysians at work, and (3) this phone has a weird habit of getting calls and smses from overseas. i switch my phone to silent and went back to sleep.

    i woke up again at about 4-ish am this morning. the usual middle of the night wake up habits of mine... and as per my usual habit, i would pick up my blackberry, check the time as well as emails... and i saw 2 missed calls from my brother and an unread sms. i knew immediately something bad had happened. the missed calls were at about 2am and 3am. i checked the time again, it was 4plus, and that meant i was more than an hour late... i hurriedly check my unread sms and it read "mum hospitalized at ktph".

    i called back immediately. my brother answered and told me that mum had had a really bad case of stomachache and had cried non-stop. and she also kept urinating non-stop and kept wailing that she was dying soon. he had tried to get her to sgh, but the ambulance couldn't and refused to do so cos my mum seemed to be in a very bad state. and under emergency conditions, the ambulance evacuated her to ktph instead as per emergency guidelines of scdf. i asked about mum's condition at that time. apparently, she had stabilized after being given 2 injections. blood tests revealed no major internal problems/ infections. the non-stop urination seemed to suggest urinary tract infection.

    i couldn't sleep after that. i tossed and turned and by about 5am, i called my brother again. the doctor had decided to discharge mum. this considering her stomach pains had subsided and that she had stabilized.

    it was a close shave...

    Wednesday, 18 May 2011

    confirmed! double confirmed!

    i was doing some grocery shopping earlier and a small boy (probably one year old or slightly more) walked up to me and called out loud at me. his loud, clear and ringing toned voice rang out: "ah gong! ah gong!"... i smiled at him, looked around, noticed there was no one, pretended not to know he was calling me and continued browsing the items on the shelf.

    the boy's daddy hastily came up to him, held his hand and said, "no, no... no, this is not ah gong" and led him away. the little boy shook loose his daddy's hand and ran to the opposite end of the shelf, jumped in front of me, and once again called out loud "ah gong!"

    aiyoh... cute boy no doubt, bright-eyed, chubby, have the i-want-to-pinch-your-cheek face! it was hard to get angry or even take offence with this little boy... i simply smiled and continued my way... looks like it was a case of confirmed, double confirmed ah gong for me lo!... hahaha!

    Tuesday, 17 May 2011

    3-steps-1-bow 2555

    once again, bee and i went through our annual ritual of doing the 3-steps-1-bow. for me, i started doing this since 1990 and if my maths is correct, this is my 22nd year. and in these 22 years, i missed once when i had fever, and another time when the temple did not conduct it becos of the sars scare... as for bee, this was his 6th year.

    unlike previous years (eg 2008, 2009, 2010) where i reflected unabashly about how i noticed and, to a certain extend, distracted by the presence of many other glbts (esp 2008 and 2010), i was a lot more composed and focused on the ritual this year. well, i don't think it was becos i was less gay or less aware of other glbts' presence, but rather, i think i was a lot more focused on the process this time round. i guessed my past years' exposure and experiences with the community (both the highs and the lows) made me reflect a lot about what it means to be a good buddhist. and interestingly enough, kl (a friend of mine who attended the ritual with me and bee) and i discussed about the significance of buddhist rituals and what they mean. we also discussed about the significance of the mahayana buddhist robes (hai qing). i shared with kl about how my mum chided me for not wearing my robe (hai qing) for the ceremony and why i decided i would not. and we went into discussing whether wearing the robe would be an necessity for buddhists. here are some of what we discussed:
    • wearing the robe is only the form, what is important is what is in the mind. it is useless to wear the robe to show people outwardly that one is buddhist if the mind is not attuned to that of a good buddhist. that was my mindset when i did not wear the robe for the ritual.
    • wearing the robe is about being disciplined. even if it is uncomfortable and warm, one should wear the robe for the ceremony. having committed to be a member of the religion and a follower of the teachings, one should be disciplined and abide by the monastics rules and guidelines. this reminded me of what my venerable told me once "one needs to be disciplined in ones' practise. for discipline is an important requisite before one can improve spiritually".
    • wearing of the robe is not just about self-discipline, it is also a one's responsibility to educate the larger community about how a good buddhist should behave. as a buddhist, one should also be conscious of the fact that one must be a good role model and that showing one's ability to abide by the monastics rules and guidelines is an important aspect of showing other members what a good buddhist role model should be.
    it was an interesting conversation. there were a lot of fors and againsts when it comes to wearing the robe (or for that matter, anything that about buddhist rituals). ultimately, we agreed that what is most important is one's intentionality. it must be pure. and on top of that, regardless of what we do, if we are in a position as a teacher/ leader of the community, we must be conscious of the fact that whatever we do, say, act, we will always be seen as a role model by others, even if we do not want to acknowledge it. as such, like it or not, people will see us to be an example of what we should be (as an ideal), and we should therefore take it upon ourselves to be exemplary in our words and actions. from that perspective, we must always put the role model self above our individual self. we cannot be careless in our words and our acts. we must recognize that leadership comes with responsibilities. we spoke of a lot more things... it was an interesting night. a lot of reflections. a lot of discussions.

    well, it was a good event for me. we came back at about 6.30am... i was one helluva shagged by then... but i look forward to the next one! and yes, for the next 3-steps-1-bow, i shall don my buddhist robes.

    happy vesak day!

    wishing everyone a very very happy vesak day! may everyone be blessed with health, love, wisdom and happiness!

    :-)

    pinkdot 2011



    very nice production. way to go pinkdot. but then again, maybe it has inadvertently stereotyped glbts too hasn't it? why must glbt persons be young, pretty, and cute all the time? perhaps the production team could also include glbt uncles, and aunties to also reflect how similar and heartlander they are, just like you and i (well, not suggesting this becos i am an uncle...)

    nonetheless, i thought this is a beautifully produced video. it can only get better!

    :-)

    Monday, 16 May 2011

    disinterest?

    bee asked me why i seemed so disinterested in attending anything related to the temple these days. he asked this when i replied i'd prefer not to attend a friday evening talk last week. well, frankly, it was not that i was not interested in it. in fact, i am even more interested. but i would like to relook at the approach of how i should go about my learning journey. i have decided that i should do learn in a way that is congruent to my own beliefs. my teacher, the lord buddha, taught me to question. my teacher taught me not to accept when is told simply. and my teacher taught me to strive for my own enlightenment. in short, he taught me to be critical and objective in my learning. he has done the same in his own search for the truth and that is what i am doing now.

    as to why i have decided to do so, i must admit that i am disappointed with many things, and much of this is related to people's ego, ignorance, pride, self-agenda and above all unenlightened politics. i am disillusioned with many people i have interacted with. but i shall let things be. what i have learned from the last one year when i made the deliberate decision to plunge myself into the whole community was that there are many who have put their hearts into this community and that their efforts are commendable. but conversely, in the spirit of not offending people and allowing things to be, there is also a very strong underlying disquiet. the live and let live mentality is a good one. it allows things to flow. but i am also acutely aware of the fact that we are human and that the live and let live mentality is not easily attainable. and so, the result is unstated resentment. a lot of it. politics in its pent up form.

    i have also seen many undesirable aspects of people in this community. but well, shall just leave it here. no point stating them out. afterall, we are human and that humans are known to err.

    Sunday, 15 May 2011

    quitting

    this the time for quitting... mm, sm quit cabinet, george yeo forced to quit minister role, the most respected cst forced to quit politics after losing his grc fight, sylvia quitting teaching role, and for me, i have also decided that i shall leave my volunteer teacher role...

    hmmm...

    ah gong

    this is the latest and the most ultimate...

    i visited the temple today with my mum, my sister-in-law, my baby niece and my domestic help. while at the temple, i brought them to the dining hall for a vegetarian lunch. after lunch, i carried my niece as we made our way towards another hall, and an uncle remarked smilingly: "after lunch huh? oh... you have brought your grandchild here to huh?"...

    hahahaha!

    i was totally speechless!

    

    trends in ge-postings

    here's a quick overview of my thoughts concluded from my observations of people's postings in the internet at large, from my facebook account and from my interactions with my friends. i must state here that the limitations of my observation was in the fact that a large percentage of active personalities in my facebook that made these postings were gay and that my conclusions may be skewed towards this particular group of individuals. nonetheless, i thought it would be interesting to pen some of these observations.

    like it or not, factors that were less tangible and/ or objective were important areas that mattered a lot to my friends. people's persona, habits, sexuality, looks, personal attributes, etc were all cited/ expressed in writing or concluded from postings. there is also a consistent behaviour across all sexuality when it comes to being influenced by specific individuals/ personality as opposed to being influenced by policies/ party lines. on the other hand, people who were exposed to policy making tend to be more calibrated in their comments and were more forgiving when it came to harsh policies.

    here the run down of my conclusions:
    • senior officers who have been involved in policy-making tend to be more objective in their views about the policies raised during the built-up to election day. their postings suggest they see things more objectively and accepted the fact that there was no such thing as perfect policies. rather, all policies comes with pros and cons and whichever solution was adopted, there must be trade offs. having said this, it would be wrong to suggest this group of people were totally accepting of difficult policies. rather, when there were disagreements, it was expressed objectively and the views expressed were clearly targeted at the issue and not the person. this was in stark contrast to a senior non-commissioned officer who remarked "i don't care, i am a tax payer and i pay them. they are the ruling party and i expect them and their policies to be perfect".
    • non-commissioned officers (regardless of how senior they were) who were not involved in policy-making tend to be more emotional in their views. their views tend to be more narrowly scoped towards specific single stand alone issues rather than as a systemic whole. their postings tend to be very personal in contrast to the views expressed by senior officers. their posting patterns and trends do not differ much from those "civilians" at large. to some extend, i suspect those in the forces were even more critical given the many sweeping statements i read/ hear (an example as reflected above).
    • there is a larger number of my gay/ bisexual friends who expressed liking for anything that is anti-ruling party. many click "like" for any parties that came their way other than the ruling party itself. many clicked "like" for all the opposition parties (and leaving out the ruling party). these people seemed to have a closed mindset and that anything related to the ruling party is bad and that there is no further need to discuss further.
    • there was a superbly strong sense of anti-ruling party in my facebook page. so much so that everything they (the ruling party) said or did was deemed inappropriate, regardless of the fact that the same was done by opposition parties. eg one posted that "the ruling party are wasting money while they could have channelled the funds for producing their manifesto to help the needy" when he recieved the manifesto from the ruling party. he did not make the same comment when he recieved the same from opposition party.
    • people who post comments against the ruling party tend be expect nothing less than perfection from the ruling party. as for their expectations of oppostion parties, not a single person posted anything. all tend to be more forgiving. one even justified for the opposition's lack of plans as "to be expected".
    • many people i interacted with could not give me any clear reasons why they oppose any specific policy. a couple of them even get angry and raised their voice at me (so much for objective agree to disagree start of the conversation). there was an occasion when i had dinner with a group of friends and the gathering ended very awkwardly when some of the members got emotional.
    • many reposted contents from youtubes, online political sites (particularly temasek review, and online citizen), as well as other ngo sources to support their causes and beliefs. for example, one posted an article from marua (an ngo) citing that based on coverage (expressed in inches per article per party), the mainstream media had been unfair to opposition parties. when queried how the statistics would look like if the statistics were divided by total number of candidates fielded instead of per party, he couldn't answer.
    • sexuality played a part in peoples' choices (if the views expressed in their postings in an indication of their choice of party they align themselves to). this was noted particularly when there was a gay candidate. it was observed that more of my gay friends clicked "like" for dr v (the one from the opposition party) and many also posted comments about him being potentially the first gay mp to speak for gay persons. the number of people clicking "like" spiked the day the video was released. one friend was so excited about it he smsed me to take a look at it. another one even posted praises for dr v's speeches and followed his rallies closely. in contrast, no straight friends of mine "like" dr v. their views about the various parties seemed to be more generic and reflect the trend seen amongst the larger population (eg liking nicole seah, skewed towards wp, and so on)
    • almost all who posted actively in my facebook liked nicole seah. many also expressed dislike or contempt with tpl. one even went to the extend of saying that "he totally despised" her. when queried why or what did she do to him that warrant such a strong comment, he couldn't give any specific reasons other than she's inexperienced, couldn't give a proper speech and has a kate spade bag. as to why they liked nicole seah, responses vary from "i don't know, i just like her", to "she a good talker", to "she's pretty".
    these were some of my own observations and what i hear when i interacted with my friends, both online as well as face-to-face, during the built-up to the election day. to me, it reflected the poor job that the ruling party had done to engage people on the ground. these day, people are better educated. thus, people need to be better engaged. for all policies, there will never be a win-all. all policies come with trade offs. some people will fall off the cracks. for all policies, as much as there are people who agree, there will also be a whole lot of people who disagree. but if explained properly, people who disagree, could possibly accept. but if it is not explained properly, people who disagree will never accept. in fact, even for people who agree, they may not be totally convinced and the level of acceptance can be questionable...

    such are the challenges of people engagement. and as in all communications, there is the "u" n "i" elements in the centre of the word. even if the ruling party want to engage, the people on the ground must want to listen. and as of now, my sensing is this - people are no longer interested to listen to what the ruling party wants to say, to them, everything the ruling party says are tantamount to "lies" and "propaganda", everything that the opposition says are "correct". this is made worst by the fact that often, people do not see the distinction now know how to draw line between party politics and government policies. this, again is to be expected given that the ruling party has been in power for such a long time, people has already seen them to be one and the same. so, with cynicism, everything that the government do become percieved as being done to preserve the ruling party's grip on power.

    such are the challenges. and it is difficult to do nation-building when there is such a mindset.

    let's see how things go from here.

    voting in fear

    some people tell me i vote in fear... initially, i disagree. but reflecting, perhaps i was. i voted in fear of people who wasted their votes by voting emotionally rather than rationally.

    :-)

    leaving facebook


    i have decided to leave facebook.

    at least for now.

    thus far, the facebook had allowed me to be updated with my friends' lives, although sometimes there are just too much information. anyway, of late, there are just so much negative energies that made me very stressed up and very disappointed with many people. many many people. so much so that i need to do something to preserve my own sanity and to preserve views about them. no, let me make it very clear. i do not look down on them. how can i possibly look down on people in my facebook friend list aka my friends? it will be the last thing for me to do so. i love and respect all my friends. but in facebook, i have reached a state whereby there is too much negativity and an information overload of what i want to know of my friends (and for the record, the same could be said of people posting comments in yahoo news, channelnewsasia, etc...)

    i learned one very good lesson over the past few weeks - that the cybermedia is really powerful in influencing people. and regretably, there were so much misinformation, incomplete information, distorted information, and so on. well, i guessed this is to be expected. information are factual. but like statistics, it can be twisted and presented in a way that is congruent to people's agenda (well, that's politics right?). but what i find it hard to accept is to see singaporeans taking to it like as though it is the hard truth and become so emotional about it. people have called me an emotional person and i do admit i am. but when it comes to politics, i strongly believe critical thinking and objectivity needs to take centerstage. facts and systems thinking was very much needed.

    i supposed my previous work experiences as a geopolitical and regional military analyst and my educational journey had shaped my behaviour towards looking at information. to me, information must be reaqd in context. and before that, information needs to be verified for its authenticity, accuracy and the source needs to be assessed on its reliability before we start to make sense of the issue. such a critical treatment to any piece of information had been a important aspect of my job as well as my educational journey. both my bosses as well as my supervisors have moulded my reading and thinking habit. they have often questioned every piece of information i obtained from the internet and made it a routine for me to quote things accurately and in context. and in making my arguments, system thinking have always been an important factor. such is the discipline i have become used to.

    during the period up to the last general elections and in the past few days, there have been much hype and activities in the internet. this was a good sign cos it signalled the fact that many people are not just reading mainstream media but would also want to see what's available online. yes, the cyberspace do provide us to read alternative views compared to the mainstream media that tend to report views that are often seen as pro-ruling party. it is very important to do that as it would make one's conclusions and rationalisation process very robust. the key thing is that one needs to adopt an open mind when reading (both main as well as cybermedia). when one reads anything, one need to be careful about the authenticity of the information presented. if one do not do so, misinformation can cause harm. the interesting thing about misinformation is that it become accepted as the truth after it gets circulated through a few people. unstated assumptions becomes accepted as fact. and it began to spread like wild fire.

    but alas, reading internet articles with an open mind was not what i sensed in the last general election. it was most disheartening that see people (much less my own friends) getting easily swayed by many articles and ended up getting emotional and becoming totally blinded by many of the unverified details and allegations. many have called it political awakening and attribute this to the maturing of the singaporean electorate. i disagree. judging by the many postings by people on the elections, i think the general election illustrated a more interesting and painful truth - that singaporean are immature, superficial, greedy and self-centered. their thinking is simplistic and they choose to convince themselves that they are an informed lot although their actions and words reeked so much of ignorance. they choose to see things from a self-centered angle. they are not interested to see the system. they do not want to understand and accept that things must be seen as an integrated whole. they see what they want to see, they hear what they wanted to hear and do not bother to question facts. they allowed themselves to be moved by self-centered reasons and by their heart and not their mind. worst of all, many people do not want to engage in constructive questioning. many did not bother to engage in conversations with opposing views. many of the comments posted were downright harsh, sarcastic, vulgar, cynical and unproductive. this was the same in all camps. you do not get personal with politicians, ruling party or opposition alike. a basic level of decorum and respect is needed.

    i acknowledged it would not be fair to expect my friends and people at large to be totally objective and to understand the big picture. but to find them not even bothering to ask further was something i found unacceptable and very disappointing. i had expected more of singaporeans, considering singaporeans these days are generally better educated. sighs. but well, i supposed that is the fact i have to accept. i attribute this to the failure of the policy makers to properly engage and explain the policies to people, as much as i attribute it to people's disinterest in policies when it was announced.

    over the last few weeks, i find it very stressful to see so much negative energies in the internet, especially in facebook where i see such negativities coming from none other than my own friends. so, to preserve myself and to preserve my views of my friends, i think it is best for me to leave facebook.

    ps: then again, from just simply reading the internet, one would probably expect a total change in government, but looking at the results, it seemed there was a critical mass of people who were afterall, sensible.

    Saturday, 14 May 2011

    going bald, managing baldness

    it is an interesting experience going bald 2 days ago. after so many years of wanting to go bald, i finally took the plunge and went bald two days ago. and no, it was not genetics, i wanted to shave my head to remind myself not to be too attached to vanity. anyway, back to the story.

    there were 2 barber shops and i chose the empty one. i thought it would be easier on me cos it was a rather weird feeling going bald finally and i thought i would do it in the quiet of the shop without people around me. i walked into the shop and i asked in english for "skin". the girl (from the way she spoke, i guessed she was from malaysia). she ask me what was "skin". i explained that i wanted to have my head shaved. she went "ahhhhhh... arrrmmm, ok ok come sit sit." i took my seat and she prepared me as she would anyone who came for a haircut and once she was done, she asked "i give zero ok? we can give you as close as possible. also very very like shave la. ok?" (she replied in malaysian mandarin). frankly, i was a little disappointed but i okayed her, considering i had made myself comfortable and she had also "dressed" me up for the haircut. she started her job and we went on to have a little small talk. as we spoke, i learned that she didn't know how to shave heads. in fact, she was afraid she might cut people. and so for me, the most she would dare venture was to use number "0". she related how more ang mos (caucasians) go bald compared to non-ang mos. she added that more people in the city would choose to cut bald compared to suburbs. as we spoke, her colleague joined in. she bantered about the practicalities of going bald. no need to use shampoo, just use soap, no need to buy comb, save money, cool head in the current hot spell, la la la... there was just no end to their bantering... at one stage, they were both arguing whether soap would be harmful to the scalp! i felt kinda weird after a while cos by then the shop had 2 more customers waiting and i noted they were staring at my head as it gradually began to turn bald and you know how horrible a person can look with patches of baldness amidst patches of hair - i thought i looked like someone who's sick/ undergoing chemotherapy.

    anyway, i walked out of the barber with my zero head. i came home, looked into the mirror and decided no-can-do. i took out my shaver and decided i would shave my own head. it was not that difficult after all. and in no time, my head was shining clean. yes, ai cho, cho sui sui... (if you wanna do something, do it well) i thought and i smiled. easy peesy. i went to bed that night thinking how nice to have a maintenance free head... until...

    i woke up the next day (yesterday), walked to my bathroom, look into the mirror and alamak! my head of hair had started growing! you know, the kinda unshaven, untidy look when you wake up... only that this time, it was not just my chin and upper lips, it was my whole head! and so, i had to shave my head, on top of my usual upper lips and chin... hmmm... a lot more maintenance than i had thought! hahaha... but well, it has been interesting. also, a newly bald head looked kinda weird cos the face is a little more tanned compared to the scalp. i should go and tan myself these couple of days to get my scalp as tan as my face!

    :-)

    ps: thus far, it had been a new experience for me. last evening, i walked into a lift at suntec. there was a family waiting for the lift too. in the lift, the light shone directly on my head, and frankly, i felt like a candle. my head literally shone! hahaha... and suddenly, the world seemed to have a lot more bald people. i see them everywhere! hahaha...