3-steps-1-bow 2555

once again, bee and i went through our annual ritual of doing the 3-steps-1-bow. for me, i started doing this since 1990 and if my maths is correct, this is my 22nd year. and in these 22 years, i missed once when i had fever, and another time when the temple did not conduct it becos of the sars scare... as for bee, this was his 6th year.

unlike previous years (eg 2008, 2009, 2010) where i reflected unabashly about how i noticed and, to a certain extend, distracted by the presence of many other glbts (esp 2008 and 2010), i was a lot more composed and focused on the ritual this year. well, i don't think it was becos i was less gay or less aware of other glbts' presence, but rather, i think i was a lot more focused on the process this time round. i guessed my past years' exposure and experiences with the community (both the highs and the lows) made me reflect a lot about what it means to be a good buddhist. and interestingly enough, kl (a friend of mine who attended the ritual with me and bee) and i discussed about the significance of buddhist rituals and what they mean. we also discussed about the significance of the mahayana buddhist robes (hai qing). i shared with kl about how my mum chided me for not wearing my robe (hai qing) for the ceremony and why i decided i would not. and we went into discussing whether wearing the robe would be an necessity for buddhists. here are some of what we discussed:

• wearing the robe is only the form, what is important is what is in the mind. it is useless to wear the robe to show people outwardly that one is buddhist if the mind is not attuned to that of a good buddhist. that was my mindset when i did not wear the robe for the ritual.
• wearing the robe is about being disciplined. even if it is uncomfortable and warm, one should wear the robe for the ceremony. having committed to be a member of the religion and a follower of the teachings, one should be disciplined and abide by the monastics rules and guidelines. this reminded me of what my venerable told me once "one needs to be disciplined in ones' practise. for discipline is an important requisite before one can improve spiritually".
• wearing of the robe is not just about self-discipline, it is also a one's responsibility to educate the larger community about how a good buddhist should behave. as a buddhist, one should also be conscious of the fact that one must be a good role model and that showing one's ability to abide by the monastics rules and guidelines is an important aspect of showing other members what a good buddhist role model should be.

it was an interesting conversation. there were a lot of fors and againsts when it comes to wearing the robe (or for that matter, anything that about buddhist rituals). ultimately, we agreed that what is most important is one's intentionality. it must be pure. and on top of that, regardless of what we do, if we are in a position as a teacher/ leader of the community, we must be conscious of the fact that whatever we do, say, act, we will always be seen as a role model by others, even if we do not want to acknowledge it. as such, like it or not, people will see us to be an example of what we should be (as an ideal), and we should therefore take it upon ourselves to be exemplary in our words and actions. from that perspective, we must always put the role model self above our individual self. we cannot be careless in our words and our acts. we must recognize that leadership comes with responsibilities. we spoke of a lot more things... it was an interesting night. a lot of reflections. a lot of discussions.

well, it was a good event for me. we came back at about 6.30am... i was one helluva shagged by then... but i look forward to the next one! and yes, for the next 3-steps-1-bow, i shall don my buddhist robes.