reflecting, my dream

i reflected on the dream i had about someone jumping out of a building and concluded that that person was me. and i said that because all these while i was struggling with my boss at work. although he has gotten a lot less hostile to me and, for that matter, started to coach me, it still gets to me when his aggressiveness and insecurities played up. and despite this change in his general attitude towards me, i had already made up my mind about leaving, there is really no point to work for a boss that spare no second thoughts about calling me a liar and other names. 

most importantly, i do not see any prospects in the company. i am already at the top of where i can be and there is no way for me to move upwards. worst of all, and in no pretence, my ceo himself already said, when at the level where there is no further way up, the only way is out. and so... of cos, while he did not specifically target what he said at me, it was clear that he was referring to the reality that all small size companies face. with all these factors, it would be most logical for me to leave regardless of how comfortable (or not) i may be currently.

this explains the man struggling to release himself out of the building. i couldn't figure if the man was attempting suicide or escaping from danger from within the building. also, once he fell off, i really didn't know if he died. there was no body at all... here's how i interpreted it...

with all the factors, i had been constantly on the look out for a new job and despite the many interviews that i went to, things did not seemed to go well. and lately, just when i slowed down my job search, a job appeared. and after 2 interviews, the hiring manager seemed more than keen to want me join them. the decision has been made but the offer etc will only come once the management makes the final decision to move the incumbent. that will occur dec this year and that means, if things go according to the plan, i will leave my company mar 2016. now, the thing is - the job scope covers many areas that i do have have depth of experience in. and i naturally am anxious if i could manage.  i have expressed my apprehensions to the hiring manager but she assured me she would hand-hold. the pace is ok and you have 2-3 years to learn, she assured.

my fear of the unknown and my lack of experience makes me anxious. i am uncertain of the future.  what if i cannot deliver? what if i cannot fit? is this the right decision? i am not sure myself. i am scared. it is indeed a huge leap of faith. the future is unclear. this, to me, explains the lack of body in the dream... so... perhaps the best thing for me to do now is to read up, talk, ask around and prepare myself for the change. i cam perhaps only move on with the clarity that it is a journey i have to take.