mood swings - mum

mum had issues with water retention and had to be kept on a fluid restriction regime since her discharge from hospital. despite reducing her furosemide dosage, she continued to suffer thirst and had been asking for water non-stop throughout the day. and every time she did so, i had to patiently explain to her about the need to control her water intake. the water will make you breathless, your legs swollen and you may even have a heart attack, and i'd repeat these lines again and again. and when such lines become no longer effective, i'd evoke the doctor as my last resort. she has this respect for doctors and she'd obey when i say it's doctors' order. even then such tactics has its limits when her thirst got the worst of her. and when that happens, she'd angrily retort - ya, so if the doctor ask me to die, i'll have to die right? anyway, every so often, i would in and give her an ice cube or a small sip of water. but given her forgetfulness, she'd ask for water again within the next minute. it was really draining mentally and emotionally.

yesterday, it happened again and this time round, i went through the routine of repeating why she needed to control her water intake, evoking the doctors, etc. i repeated it a few times and by late morning, she started accusing me of wanting to kill her and said i was deliberately doing so so that she'd die faster. she added that i'd be very happy when she dies. her accusations went on for a while until i lost my temper. i simply told her that if i had wanted her to die, i would have fed her with all the water she wanted and let her leg swell, her lungs collapse and for her to suffer a heart attack. she was obviously not listening and continued berating me. i was so frustrated i simply told her drink to death if she wants to. i told her that it was so difficult to look after her given all her illnesses, and despite all that i had done for her, she had the cheek to turn around and said such hurting words. i was damned pissed off by then. what happened next was not unexpected. she refused to talk to me, threw tantrums, and refused food and water, which actually was the effect i had wanted to achieve. heh... she kept this way until evening when she reluctantly agreed to head out for dinner. 

and well, as to be expected, the whole process of asking for water and saying she is thirsty happened again today. i am just glad the weekend is over and i can be relieved of handling her non-stop asking for water when i go to work.

:-)