mum's ok

have received quite a few texts from friends (in this blog, via whatsapp, etc) asking if mum was ok. thank you one and all for the well-wishes and concern. truly appreciate it. here's an update on her condition.

she came home after a 5-day stay in the hospital, further weakened but on the whole, ok - for her current state of health. this stay was 2 days more that the previous stay. the doctors didn't want to keep her longer than that despite her continued wheezing and reliance on the oxygen machine. she has the oxygen machine at home and that should help her. also we would like to reduce any possibility of her getting any secondary infection from a prolonged stay in the hospital, they said. and she was discharged with strict instructions to complete her antibiotics, and prednisolone (steroids to keep her airways open). i noted that the antibiotics prescribed was the stronger version this time round (augmentin) and that the duration to titrate the steroids downwards was much longer. all these only mean one thing - she's much weakened.

the real challenge to me since her discharge was - how to balance her quality of life amidst all the challenges of her health now. it's a constant ethical dilemma balancing what's right vs what's good for her and it was certainly not easy.

firstly, medication. to ensure her body drains the excess fluid from her system, the dosage of her furosemide was increased by 4 times. and to ensure her body salt was not affected, she was ordered to take 4 tablets of potassium chloride daily (up by 4 times too). it was terrible for her and she suffered consistent extreme thirst. she became so dehydrated she was near tears as we kept refusing to give her water. no more than 4 cups of water a day - that was the strict instructions given by the doctors, and that include the water she'd take in from her food, fruits, etc. but she kept asking for water almost non-stop through the day and it was difficult to see her suffer like that. i myself cannot comprehend how a person could take it when water was constantly forced out of the body yet at the same time, load the body with salt (which make one more thirsty!). in the end, i decided to simply ignore that prescription and titrate her medication downwards (or upwards), and manage the water intake myself based on how swollen her feet are. it didn't make sense to me that her quality of life should be so drastically affected. her thirst was a little better managed although she still complains of thirst constantly now (she told her she's thirsty and asked for water no less than 10 times during the time i typed this entry)...

secondly, boredom. after her discharge, she couldn't stand up and her legs gave way whenever she tried. and coupled with her breathlessness, i made her rest the next 3-4 days at home. she got restless and insisted on heading to her daily rehab center "treatment". while i was hesitant given her reliance on the oxygen, i also could understand her restlessness. it was terribly boring to stay at home, she protested. in the end, i relented and allowed her to head to the rehab center. i kept her off the oxygen machine for half a day and she seemed ok and assessed she could take the prolonged duration without it. as expected, her body gave way and she got exhausted after one day. my routine now is to assess her condition every morning (by looking at the color of her lips and the condition of the haze) before allowing her to head out.

now, she is almost totally reliant on her oxygen machine at home, hardly able to walk anymore (she 'd become breathless when she does simple things such as standing-up to wear her sarong). the haze is not doing her any good too but these are things that have to be considered and managed daily. can be challenging at times considering she has others conditions such as diabetes, paranoia, anxiety, depression etc that added to her respiratory issues.