performance appraisal

i had one of the worst appraisal experience today.

lots of inconsistent things were said that i could not make sense of except to conclude that the appraisal session was about forcing and justifying his agenda and not about my performance. after listening for the initial 5-10 minutes, i simply went through the motion and played along. fundamentally, i don't believe a person who joined the department on the last quarter of the assessment year would be able to really see and appreciate our efforts and quality of our outcomes for the whole year, particularly when all the work was done before he joined the department. after all, the last quarter of any assessment year was always about consolidation and projection for the following year. as for his agenda - to load me with most of the work that one of my colleague couldn't do to meet his expectations (and frankly, i believe he is managing her out) and to lower my pay.

so the conversation started with him going round and round about how i was "overpaid" and "underworked". and once he felt he had sufficiently convinced me of how "overpaid" i was, he went on to share that his impression of me was that i knew my work really well, but quickly went on to gun me down by telling me how he was unimpressed he was with me and that whatever work i did did not meet up to his expectations. he topped it up by sarcastically adding that "some people can do the work but chose not to do".

i asked him to elaborate what he meant with examples and he started going all over the place with examples that i was able to assertively respond and counter his point about my "under-performance". it reflected so clearly that he didn't know my job scope and what i had delivered (probably becos he joined us only during the last quarter of the year but that shouldn't be an excuse). of cos, as he's the boss, i did not embarrass him by simply saying that i should have keep him in the loop of what i did (which in actual fact, i did). to me, he had his agenda and there's nothing i could do to change that. what more when he showed signs of impatience and anger halfway through the conversation. to me, such reactions by an appraiser reflects insincerity and goes again what leaders should be. it reflects badly on him. what was important was the fact that i was given an above average performance bonus although he was quick to add that "i only decided to give you this amount because i know you need the money to take care of your mum". wtf right? give bonus yet devalue it. in saying what he said, he indirectly messaged to me that he had unethically gamed the system. but based on what he said and what i was given, i could only conclude that there were people helping me during the appraisal. and once i sensed anger and impatience from him, i didn't go further. i didn't want to dwell too much on his words. they carry no weight as far as i was concerned. what's important was that i got the bonus.

as for the annual increment, he awarded me with a less-than-1% increase and reiterated his views that i have been "overpaid" and thus, he was using the opportunity to correct this. again, i didn't want to respond further but simply listened to what he wanted to say about his plans with regards my job expansion. i was brought in for a regional role but with focus on local workforce. the restructuring and selling off of regional companies also resulted in a change in my job scope and i had to do more in other areas that i previously didn't have to do. but to him, it didn't mean anything. to him, i was simply "overpaid" and "underworked". period. i walked out of the appraisal with additional business partnering role (full range) on top of what i currently have on my plate. i would have raised my concerns of being overwhelmed cos he didn't have full idea of what my job scope was in the first place had he not gone on to add that he would be allocating an additional headcount to me. and for that i appreciate. this headcount was someone he brought in and i am sure, would be a good source of information to him about me. then again, it didn't bother me. i am so beyond such political play. i just want to earn an honest living.

at the end of the appraisal, he asked me for my comments, i simply told him i didn't want to visit old conversations given that bosses have changed and that expectations are different now. there were so many ways i could have reacted to this appraisal but i remained calm and objective. how should i see this development? half-empty? half-full? i chose to take it as half-full. positively, his allocation of new tasks to me allow me to formally update my resume about what i am capable of. added to that, i now have new learning opportunities and i am able to learn in an environment i am familiar with - that means, less stressful than if i were to do the same role in a new company. give me sometime and my resume will look totally refreshed and my job search frontier will be enlarged.

:-)