imminent death

recieved a text from my sis. she forwarded me my cousin's message telling us about his dad's deteriorating condition. doctors had advised that they have exhausted all means to manage my uncle. apparently his heart had stopped twice too. and he ended by saying that they could only pray to god and hope for the impossible. when a logical and highly educated person adopt such a tone and had resorted to leave things in the hands of the divine, you know things are bleak. i decided to find ways to pay my uncle a visit today. it's the right thing to do. 

and i am writing this post after having just walked out of his ward. i had lied to mum that i needed to head to the bank earlier. she had been heavily influenced by my brother who had nothing but bad words for my uncle and i didn't want to create tensions within the family by telling her of my visit. sighs. anyway, it was a very depressing sight. his whole face and body had turned black and he was barely able to respond. he's in the isolation ward and i needed to don the hospital gown and gloves before i was allowed in to see him. otherwise, he seemed comfortable. i didn't stay long. he acknowledged my presence before the nurses had to change his diapers and shift his position. he dozed off after that. i was quite certain this was my last look at him alive.

talking to a person who was facing imminent death was not easy. suddenly the whole topic of death or anything related to his/ her passing become extremely taboo. in my many years talking to people near death, i had only spoken about the actual topic of death to two persons - my cousin and my aunt. it was relatively easier with my cousin as she's buddhist and death was something she had came to terms with. she passed away very peacefully a few days after i spoke with her. as for my aunt, i sensed her hesitance in going and she was struggling when i visited her. seeing her in that state, the urging for her to let go of any attachments and go if she needed became easy. it was almost as though i was helping her go in peace. her heart stopped and she died in front of my very eyes after i assured her everything will be fine.

as for my uncle, i could only ask basic question like whether he was comfortable. i was at a loss for words. let's hope he leaves comfortably. as far as i know, they have removed the machines and my cousin have decided not to keep him hooked up to life support since yesterday.

if he leaves this coming week, it will be a third death for me in as many weeks.