day of contemplation & reflections

the following went through my mind over the last 2 days as i commemorated vesak 2559, particularly as i journeyed my way around the temple during the 3-step-1-bow ceremony...

• ruby pan. i was very surprised when i read about her ordination from the papers yesterday. but after reading on, things kinda made sense to me after finding out that she is now based in the states (in an american buddhist temple). i was initially surprised becos i had all along viewed her as very english-educated and i had initially assumed she was ordained as a nun in a local chinese temple... anyway, she was a fellow teacher in the buddhist school that i volunteered in some years back and we co-taught a class for a year. i felt so happy for her after reading about her ordination and...

• i wondered if i should also go the monastic way. yup, that did cross my mind (again) this year - should i also get myself ordained and become a monk? and of cos, my mind weighed the yes's vs the no's. and i wondered if some of the reasons that went through my mind were reasons for my escaping the current lay-world that i currently am disillusioned in or due to my pure intentions of seeking enlightenment...

• i wondered if i should drop my current corporate life and enter a life of volunteerism and/ or social work. this thought also crossed my mind... 

• and many more...

also, a whole lot of emotions went through me during the ceremony. impatience with the long wait, anger as i learned of things i did not know before, irritation with noise and people chatting amidst the wait, topics of conversation that i felt were superficial, or opinionated, etc. but most importantly, i was able to take a third person's perspective, as i stood outside myself and reflected on the reasons why i felt that way. it was indeed a good process of quiet contemplation and reflections.

so... as always, i have walked out of vesak understanding myself better.

a good day indeed.

:-)