had been asked to pen a 1200-word article about secondary forestry in singapore. to be specific, about a location in the training grounds of the saf that every singaporean son who had served national service will know about. the article is meant to be part of a commemorative book to be published as part of celebrations for singapore's 50th independence anniversary next year.
well, i declined the invite.
i had no desire to partake in this whole celebrations for a start. admittedly, i still harbour the negative vibes after the being "killed" for my sexuality in 2005. people have chided me somewhat and just told me to move on and not imprison myself. well, i do not see how i can possibly do it so easily. perhaps it is a case of passion/ love for an institution turning into hatred/ intense dislike for it. am not sure how to describe it, you probably need to be in my shoes to fully appreciate my feelings. anyway, i decided not to write. i had no desire to do it and was totally not keen to subject myself to the stress given the tight timeline. i like to write (as you can see from my blog) but to have to write for something/ someone under a deadline, it's kinda a turn off.
:-)
Hi Jeffrey,
ReplyDeleteYou should do what you are comfortable doing. There's no point putting on a "happy face" to wax nostalgic over an organization that you feel betrayed your commitment. That would really be like saying they were right in their self-serving actions. Wrong on so many levels.
I hope any "hatred" you might feel will fade to recognizing their actions as part of human fraility. Their negative actions towards you was also violence against themselves. I hope they continue to grow and change.
Best regards, Edwin
hey edwin,
ReplyDeletethanks. as always, i enjoy reading your comments. i must say that for me now, i really still do not want to have anything to do with the organisation. i just do not want to constantly remind myself of my pass.
just want to move on.
jeffrey