r u going to pd2014?

common line of question for me yesterday with some of my friends...

friend:  are you going to pink dot?

me: nope

friend: why? come/ go la. come/ go and support.

me: for?

friend (something along the line of...): need to show support and make a statement.

me: i am gay and i do not need to make any statement to be myself.

conversation ended there and then.

well, till today, i have not seen the need to attend the event. there is no motivation for me to be there. would rather spend the evening in the quiet company of some friends and where i can be very comfortable. crowded events like this stresses me out. and this is no different from going to events like the chinese new year bazaar in chinatown. and so, i spend the evening having a nice quiet dinner with bee and a group of close uni friends. something that i hadn't had the chance to do for a long time. and it was a good nice evening.

but on a more gay-centric note, i do not see the need to be activistic about being gay. i do not see the need to make statements about my sexuality much as i do not expect straight people to scream out loud that they are straight. and i certainly do not want to remind myself of people i do not want to meet, people who had previously chided me for being "irresponsible" and "being a coward", and that i must (yes, the word is "must") tell my parents if i want to really come out. what rubbish. just because he is out loud and gay; and had told his mum about him being gay does not mean i have to do the same. he live his life, i live mine. so till today, whenever pink dot comes around, i still get reminded of this and still feel agitated.

but no, don't go about thinking i do not support pink dot. i support the freedom to love. but i just don't want to be reminded of people from my past and i don't want to stress myself out just becos of the need to show support. i will attend when there is reason enough for me to do so. 

i just want to be myself.