my big boss called me up for an interview yesterday. it was supposed to be for my performance last year. but given that i will be leaving my organisation in 3 months, i decided to scope the interview towards a feedback session. so, i wrote him a 5-page email in the morning. my email covered a list of suggestions about how we can move forward and how we can improve things. the interview took a little more than 2 hours. but at the end of the interview, i realised that he already had some rather fixed mindsets about things. so, to a certain extend, i felt like i had wasted my time. but on the other hand, it felt good cos i have shared my thoughts. and of cos, my big boss thanked me for my contributions repeatedly, told me he felt i was one of the strongest, if not the strongest amongst my colleagues la la la...
the interview ended with him showing me my last year's performance report. the report was written my by immediate superior. frankly, i didn't quite bother about what was written. there were some short liners. i noted i was ranked one of the bottom few. it was totally opposite of what he had just said. then again, it was to be expected. that is the system. regardless of how good i had done, the fact that i'll be leaving is constant. there is no point ranking me well. rewards should be given to those who will be staying. no use in rewarding people who are spend and useless. but one word jumped out and this word was written against the line about my weak areas - it read "he is too principled". i thought about it and asked - isn't being principled good? in my line (education and curriculum development), isn't everything is about being systematic? systematic in analyzing needs, in identifying gaps and designing of instructional approaches to fill these gaps?... it baffled me.
as i laid on my bed last night, it struck me why it was reflected as such. as mentioned, the report was written by my immediate superior. he had time and again asked me to consider staying on in my organisation, and if i had wanted to move on, i should consider staying on in a non-uniformed position. i politely refused. he had since been asking me for my reasons and had probed many a times. given that he was not aware of my sexuality and the extend to which i had been monitored and managed by my security department, i had to think of all sorts of cock and bull stories to tell him. and when everything else fail, i just told him that i do not agree with how things are moving. and so, based on my principles, i shall leave my organisation and not want to have any further dealings with it. so i guess that was why he reflected "too principled" as my weakness.
this was my conclusion. he is my friend. i had known him since my uni days. i am not close to him but our long acquaintance certainly tells me that his asking me to continue with my organisation stems from his good intentions. and i thank him for it. and so, i was misunderstood again perhaps. but then again, there is no need for me to elaborate nor divulge to him my real reasons. let's just leave it at that.
:-)
the interview ended with him showing me my last year's performance report. the report was written my by immediate superior. frankly, i didn't quite bother about what was written. there were some short liners. i noted i was ranked one of the bottom few. it was totally opposite of what he had just said. then again, it was to be expected. that is the system. regardless of how good i had done, the fact that i'll be leaving is constant. there is no point ranking me well. rewards should be given to those who will be staying. no use in rewarding people who are spend and useless. but one word jumped out and this word was written against the line about my weak areas - it read "he is too principled". i thought about it and asked - isn't being principled good? in my line (education and curriculum development), isn't everything is about being systematic? systematic in analyzing needs, in identifying gaps and designing of instructional approaches to fill these gaps?... it baffled me.
as i laid on my bed last night, it struck me why it was reflected as such. as mentioned, the report was written by my immediate superior. he had time and again asked me to consider staying on in my organisation, and if i had wanted to move on, i should consider staying on in a non-uniformed position. i politely refused. he had since been asking me for my reasons and had probed many a times. given that he was not aware of my sexuality and the extend to which i had been monitored and managed by my security department, i had to think of all sorts of cock and bull stories to tell him. and when everything else fail, i just told him that i do not agree with how things are moving. and so, based on my principles, i shall leave my organisation and not want to have any further dealings with it. so i guess that was why he reflected "too principled" as my weakness.
this was my conclusion. he is my friend. i had known him since my uni days. i am not close to him but our long acquaintance certainly tells me that his asking me to continue with my organisation stems from his good intentions. and i thank him for it. and so, i was misunderstood again perhaps. but then again, there is no need for me to elaborate nor divulge to him my real reasons. let's just leave it at that.
:-)
4 comments:
I had a similar experience during my year end appraisal last 2 years thus I can appreciate what you are going thru. It is a good idea to move on.
96 days to go...
Tat long! Goodness.
minus 28 days leave... minus about 14 days for weekend... (hmmm, should be about there....)... that leaves about 50plus working days... hmmm, ok la... this is nothing compared to the 20 over yrs... heh...
Post a Comment