the last recent years, i have friends who became lovers and lovers who became friends... the relationship started. 7 years. 3 years. 2 years. 20 years. and the relationship ended. the break was always due to some sort of expectations not met. for some, there was mutual agreement, for some, it came as a rude shock. unexpected. after the break, some stopped talking. yet between some others, they continue to be best of buddies. regardless, they all remained my good friends.
sometimes i do wonder, are we putting too much expectations on this notion of `boyfriends' and `lovers'? are we placing too much emphasis on the whole idea of what `partners' are? perhaps, with time, even if there is no `official' breaking up, `partners' and `lovers' do become best of friends. and for some, open relationship became part of their lives. and for them, partnership is no longer about sex. sex became a need that can be fulfilled by others. relationship is about responsibility. relationship is about commitment. the commitment to take care of each other. through good and bad times. they may sleep with others but come home to each other. and for some, they remain monogamous for the longest time ever. as for `friends', over time, `friends' might become so close that many mistake two friends to be `partners' or `lovers'. and apart from the physical act of sex, it is often not easy to differentiate and draw the line between `partners' and `friends'. different starting point. yet they converge to the same ending.
i remembered speaking to willie once when we were on our way to work. we concluded that relationships is about the `sex' thing. and i have to agree to a certain extend. to a large extend. it keeps the couple going. it adds depth to the communications. without it, it will take helluva lot of stuff to keep two persons together. it is not easy, especially if two persons concerned are very different. looked at what happened between james and i. yet again, is sex everything? there is a saying that goes - couples do not have sex, they make love. yet, when the partnership passed a certain duration of test and confidence building, making love is no longer about sex, making love is about the commitment and the care. and in such case, sex then become a need. a basic instinct. and when both are agreeable, the idea of open relationships sets in.
hmmm, this whole thing about lovers and friends can become so convulated. haiz...
i am still reflecting.
sometimes i do wonder, are we putting too much expectations on this notion of `boyfriends' and `lovers'? are we placing too much emphasis on the whole idea of what `partners' are? perhaps, with time, even if there is no `official' breaking up, `partners' and `lovers' do become best of friends. and for some, open relationship became part of their lives. and for them, partnership is no longer about sex. sex became a need that can be fulfilled by others. relationship is about responsibility. relationship is about commitment. the commitment to take care of each other. through good and bad times. they may sleep with others but come home to each other. and for some, they remain monogamous for the longest time ever. as for `friends', over time, `friends' might become so close that many mistake two friends to be `partners' or `lovers'. and apart from the physical act of sex, it is often not easy to differentiate and draw the line between `partners' and `friends'. different starting point. yet they converge to the same ending.
i remembered speaking to willie once when we were on our way to work. we concluded that relationships is about the `sex' thing. and i have to agree to a certain extend. to a large extend. it keeps the couple going. it adds depth to the communications. without it, it will take helluva lot of stuff to keep two persons together. it is not easy, especially if two persons concerned are very different. looked at what happened between james and i. yet again, is sex everything? there is a saying that goes - couples do not have sex, they make love. yet, when the partnership passed a certain duration of test and confidence building, making love is no longer about sex, making love is about the commitment and the care. and in such case, sex then become a need. a basic instinct. and when both are agreeable, the idea of open relationships sets in.
hmmm, this whole thing about lovers and friends can become so convulated. haiz...
i am still reflecting.
4 comments:
Is this one of your current reflections? Hehe....
:-) thought abt it as one of my good friend is now undergoing another transition...
sex is not the main thing, but it's like the "lubricant" that keeps the relationship "running"
think we are all in sync on the issue of sex as an important element that seals relationships between partners.
guess i am also illustrating the fact that the most important logic that link two persons moves from one that is very physical to one that is very emotional in the long term.
in this context, what remains constant is perhaps the issue of responsibility and commitment to one another that is the crux of the issue. and the enabler to this is perhaps quality communications (be it framed in terms of sex or otherwise).
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