it's confirmed. i retire this 17 dec. and altho it has been something i had planned, somehow after today's interview, i end up feeling unwanted. a bit of a lousy feeling.
you see, my boss has been asking me to consider extending my service or even staying in the capacity of a non-uniformed personnel but in a higher appointment. i have time and again told him that i do not wish to do so and that given my security office's presence bugging me, i had made a commitment to myself that i will leave once i get my full retirement benefits at the end of this year. in my last chat with him, he asked if i would reconsider my options if he could get the security office to `leave me alone'. i told him it was not likely but if he wanted to check, he could do so. in all, the interview lasted close to 2 hours as he wanted to convince me why i should consider staying with the college and how i can help him fulfill some of the stuff he needed to get done.
today, i was again called up to his office. the interview was rather short and sharp. interview with my boss has always been very mechanical. being a practical person as he has always been, interviews are about how to get things done (his way). it was the same the last time and it was the same today. when i walked into his office today, the first thing i was told was that it was to get the formality of my interview and filling in of all the forms he needed to fill done with. secondly, he would just want to update me that my security was not ready to `leave me alone'. and this meant that come 17 dec this year, i will retire. we then went on to talk a bit about career transition and how i need sometime to manage my eventual departure from service. that was it. the interview took no more than 10min.
as i said, altho i had always planned for my departure this year, it felt somewhat better when i was the one doing the rejection. and somehow, after today's interview, i have been made to feel that i am the one being rejected. and it was because of my sexuality.
and the feeling was not too nice. it's regrettable that this should be how i end my 23-year profession with an organisation that i have grown up with an given my life to, and one that i have served - with all my commitments, blood, tears, sweat and all. now, for my part, i can only say that there is no point talking feeling sentimental about. no point talking about professionalism. no point talking about loyalty. all these ideals exist in theory. in real life, things are not the same, once you are gay. for in the end, it is about each one for himself. screw all the organisational ideals and vision and yadda yadda yadda...
time to really wake up and start looking at my own needs.
you see, my boss has been asking me to consider extending my service or even staying in the capacity of a non-uniformed personnel but in a higher appointment. i have time and again told him that i do not wish to do so and that given my security office's presence bugging me, i had made a commitment to myself that i will leave once i get my full retirement benefits at the end of this year. in my last chat with him, he asked if i would reconsider my options if he could get the security office to `leave me alone'. i told him it was not likely but if he wanted to check, he could do so. in all, the interview lasted close to 2 hours as he wanted to convince me why i should consider staying with the college and how i can help him fulfill some of the stuff he needed to get done.
today, i was again called up to his office. the interview was rather short and sharp. interview with my boss has always been very mechanical. being a practical person as he has always been, interviews are about how to get things done (his way). it was the same the last time and it was the same today. when i walked into his office today, the first thing i was told was that it was to get the formality of my interview and filling in of all the forms he needed to fill done with. secondly, he would just want to update me that my security was not ready to `leave me alone'. and this meant that come 17 dec this year, i will retire. we then went on to talk a bit about career transition and how i need sometime to manage my eventual departure from service. that was it. the interview took no more than 10min.
as i said, altho i had always planned for my departure this year, it felt somewhat better when i was the one doing the rejection. and somehow, after today's interview, i have been made to feel that i am the one being rejected. and it was because of my sexuality.
and the feeling was not too nice. it's regrettable that this should be how i end my 23-year profession with an organisation that i have grown up with an given my life to, and one that i have served - with all my commitments, blood, tears, sweat and all. now, for my part, i can only say that there is no point talking feeling sentimental about. no point talking about professionalism. no point talking about loyalty. all these ideals exist in theory. in real life, things are not the same, once you are gay. for in the end, it is about each one for himself. screw all the organisational ideals and vision and yadda yadda yadda...
time to really wake up and start looking at my own needs.
3 comments:
oh J,
just take the money & run!
somewhere out there is someone else (some other company) that deserves your talents more.
thanks for the reminder. well, not too affected by it. just that momentary sourness. 2 min to recover.
thinking abt it... no diff in relationships or breaking off a relationship ya? being the rejectee feels better than being the rejected...
:-)
when i said yr Talents..... i meant skills like "making Bakchang".
once i get enou of yr BakChang, it's off with u.
Welcome to ze real world.
;)
Ok. jus joking....
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