my mum told me that over the past couple of days my brother (or rather, my (ex) brother) had visited my dad in the hospital and that my dad had given word that should he die, he wants my brother not to quarrel with me. my brother has also told my mum that if my dad were to pass away, he (my brother) would want the wake to be held at his place and that the wake would be done over 3 days. might as well. this fits in very nicely that my brother is closer to my dad and that i had all along wanted him to participate in decision making with regards managing my dad. that he has stated a plan meant that i will not need to think about it and consult him for anything that i plan is perceived by him to be laden with some underlying selfish agenda. i told my mum that whatever the plan, i am fine with it and that i do not want to be seen to be making decisions regarding my dad and his funeral single-handedly.
my brother's relationship with me and my siblings, has never been the best. functional at best, if i may describe. things got a bit worst ever since my dad moved in to my house. you see, my dad would chat with my brother daily over the phone and would tell him of all the happenings in the day with regard me and my sisters. and so, my brother's picture of what happened in my family, the state of family relations, and how we are treating him had all been painted by my dad. and given that my dad likes to lie and whine (whether it is intentional, i don't know, or perhaps it is only about him stating half truth, or simply see things from his perspectives...), my brother's picture of the daily happenings and how we are treating him has always been nothing short of bad. and due to this, for the longest time ever, my brother has been suspicious of us and our actions when it comes to my dad. one thing certain is that he believes i ill-treat my dad and enjoys restricting him. how bad this situation was only became clear in feb when he burst out at me. given this misinterpretation of my words and actions, i have since minimized interacting with my dad. i concluded that to resolve the tension, it would be necessary to minimize any contact with him. and true enough, since then, things in the family has been very very calm.
from my conversation with my mum this morning, i could sense that she hoped i will talk to my dad but on the other hand, she understood that if i were to do so, he might just make the relations between me and my siblings worst. i also found out to my horrors that my dad has, despite all the advise against eating unhealthy food too often, been phone-ordering for kfc and drinking coke/pepsi regularly. this was despite advise by doctors and my mum about the dangers of overloading his system with too much oil, salt and unhealthy chemicals. what she said confirmed my suspicions that his worsening liver and kidney conditions was due to his diet. this was, also confirmed by the consultant that we must, at all cost, reduce his salt and oil intake. let's hope he can take heed now that the doctor has explicitly spoken. there is really nothing more i can do if he refuse to take this advise and continue to fuss about food and phone-ordering kfcs again.
well... whatever the case, at this point in time, i only want things to be quiet and peaceful in the family. my dad has been doing more harm to our family than he realized since we were young. he continues to do so today. since i have minimized talking to him, a few good things has happened. for once, as i said, things have been more peaceful. secondly, my brother has taken the lead to make decisions. these, to me, are positive signs. i will continue to minimize talking to my dad. as for my brother, i cannot change the mental model or perceptions of my brother nor i do not wish to do so. i will move on my independent way once my parents leave us. and our paths will not cross anymore.
as for my dad and his health, none of us can help him anymore if he refuse to help himself.
my brother's relationship with me and my siblings, has never been the best. functional at best, if i may describe. things got a bit worst ever since my dad moved in to my house. you see, my dad would chat with my brother daily over the phone and would tell him of all the happenings in the day with regard me and my sisters. and so, my brother's picture of what happened in my family, the state of family relations, and how we are treating him had all been painted by my dad. and given that my dad likes to lie and whine (whether it is intentional, i don't know, or perhaps it is only about him stating half truth, or simply see things from his perspectives...), my brother's picture of the daily happenings and how we are treating him has always been nothing short of bad. and due to this, for the longest time ever, my brother has been suspicious of us and our actions when it comes to my dad. one thing certain is that he believes i ill-treat my dad and enjoys restricting him. how bad this situation was only became clear in feb when he burst out at me. given this misinterpretation of my words and actions, i have since minimized interacting with my dad. i concluded that to resolve the tension, it would be necessary to minimize any contact with him. and true enough, since then, things in the family has been very very calm.
from my conversation with my mum this morning, i could sense that she hoped i will talk to my dad but on the other hand, she understood that if i were to do so, he might just make the relations between me and my siblings worst. i also found out to my horrors that my dad has, despite all the advise against eating unhealthy food too often, been phone-ordering for kfc and drinking coke/pepsi regularly. this was despite advise by doctors and my mum about the dangers of overloading his system with too much oil, salt and unhealthy chemicals. what she said confirmed my suspicions that his worsening liver and kidney conditions was due to his diet. this was, also confirmed by the consultant that we must, at all cost, reduce his salt and oil intake. let's hope he can take heed now that the doctor has explicitly spoken. there is really nothing more i can do if he refuse to take this advise and continue to fuss about food and phone-ordering kfcs again.
well... whatever the case, at this point in time, i only want things to be quiet and peaceful in the family. my dad has been doing more harm to our family than he realized since we were young. he continues to do so today. since i have minimized talking to him, a few good things has happened. for once, as i said, things have been more peaceful. secondly, my brother has taken the lead to make decisions. these, to me, are positive signs. i will continue to minimize talking to my dad. as for my brother, i cannot change the mental model or perceptions of my brother nor i do not wish to do so. i will move on my independent way once my parents leave us. and our paths will not cross anymore.
as for my dad and his health, none of us can help him anymore if he refuse to help himself.
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