finally had the chance to meet jack. i did not feel awkward when it came to meeting jack. but it did certainly make me a bit more conscious about how i should behave when it came to james. and the fact that i am james' ex must have made it somewhat awkward for him. anyway, i am glad i got to meet him.
anyway, james came along. looked at the humongous lot of stuff, sifted thru some of them. selected quite a few boxes and together with jack, carried them to the estate rubbish dump and threw them away. for a moment, i felt angry. angry that he threw away those stuff that i had preserved and kept for him. all the things that i had cleaned and maintained over time. well, granted some of them had turned mouldy, but... and there were some stuff like printers and cork-boards that he asked if i wanted. i told him to throw them away if he does not need them anymore. so in the end, they moved some of the stuff back, left 8 boxes for the movers to move and a few boxes of stuff to be discarded. took me a while to throw them away. they were heavy. but it was the weight in my heart that weighed me down when i carried them to the estate rubbish dump.
well, there were some stuff that james wanted to bring home... and jack asked - why? when will u ever use them?... instinctively, i wanted to react - hey, that's james' stuff and there are certain things that you cannot dictate.. esp things that we bought together... it's kinda weird, but that is the kinda feeling that i still get when i felt challenged. for that moment, i hated jack.
but haha, he is after all, james' bf now. he wouldn't know the history behind each of the object that had been packed. anyway, there is only so much i can say and there is only so much right i have as an ex. i have to let go. and yup, as dennis rightly said, it's kinda weird moving one's ex things out of the house. but in a way, it's liberating...
ps: there was one particular photo of james and i, taken when he graduated that i had wanted to keep but dare not ask. initially he wanted to throw it away, but in the end, he took the box home, saying that he wanted to sift thru the stuff... that is probably one of the very very few photos we ever take together as a couple...
anyway, james came along. looked at the humongous lot of stuff, sifted thru some of them. selected quite a few boxes and together with jack, carried them to the estate rubbish dump and threw them away. for a moment, i felt angry. angry that he threw away those stuff that i had preserved and kept for him. all the things that i had cleaned and maintained over time. well, granted some of them had turned mouldy, but... and there were some stuff like printers and cork-boards that he asked if i wanted. i told him to throw them away if he does not need them anymore. so in the end, they moved some of the stuff back, left 8 boxes for the movers to move and a few boxes of stuff to be discarded. took me a while to throw them away. they were heavy. but it was the weight in my heart that weighed me down when i carried them to the estate rubbish dump.
well, there were some stuff that james wanted to bring home... and jack asked - why? when will u ever use them?... instinctively, i wanted to react - hey, that's james' stuff and there are certain things that you cannot dictate.. esp things that we bought together... it's kinda weird, but that is the kinda feeling that i still get when i felt challenged. for that moment, i hated jack.
but haha, he is after all, james' bf now. he wouldn't know the history behind each of the object that had been packed. anyway, there is only so much i can say and there is only so much right i have as an ex. i have to let go. and yup, as dennis rightly said, it's kinda weird moving one's ex things out of the house. but in a way, it's liberating...
ps: there was one particular photo of james and i, taken when he graduated that i had wanted to keep but dare not ask. initially he wanted to throw it away, but in the end, he took the box home, saying that he wanted to sift thru the stuff... that is probably one of the very very few photos we ever take together as a couple...
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