a friend (cannot recall if it was francis or dennis) recently asked me: "do you still think of james?..."
of course, i think of him. for that matter, i think of him almost everyday. to me, james was, and still is, a part of me and a part of my family. and it is not easy not to think of your family right? after spending 7 years together, it is impossible to just cut someone off. even if one wants to. for me, no matter what, he will always be there and he will always be a very dear person to me. that we are apart does not mean i do not think of him anymore. and thinking of james does not mean i love my bee bee any less too.
when he came to get his stuff from the house last weekend, it was a feeling of awkwardness for me where on one hand, i very much want to talk and chat with him, and for that matter, even give him a super super tight hug. i so very much wanted that. but on the other hand, i had to restrain myself cos of the presence of a self-imposed invisible wall. i mean, if i were to hug, how would he take to it, how would his bf take to it... etc... and things were moving based on some unsaid common understanding of each other's moves, thinking and so on. and i thought i sensed his momentary awkwardness in managing jack and me too. if so, it was natural and to be expected i guess.
i would have behaved similarly if bee was around.
of course, i think of him. for that matter, i think of him almost everyday. to me, james was, and still is, a part of me and a part of my family. and it is not easy not to think of your family right? after spending 7 years together, it is impossible to just cut someone off. even if one wants to. for me, no matter what, he will always be there and he will always be a very dear person to me. that we are apart does not mean i do not think of him anymore. and thinking of james does not mean i love my bee bee any less too.
when he came to get his stuff from the house last weekend, it was a feeling of awkwardness for me where on one hand, i very much want to talk and chat with him, and for that matter, even give him a super super tight hug. i so very much wanted that. but on the other hand, i had to restrain myself cos of the presence of a self-imposed invisible wall. i mean, if i were to hug, how would he take to it, how would his bf take to it... etc... and things were moving based on some unsaid common understanding of each other's moves, thinking and so on. and i thought i sensed his momentary awkwardness in managing jack and me too. if so, it was natural and to be expected i guess.
i would have behaved similarly if bee was around.
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