an unexpected fb request

nope, i did not mean "fuck-buddy". i mean "facebook". well, since a couple of months back, i have stopped fb-ing. i deleted some acquaintances from my friend list, all my photos in my profile and my album, and all my postings in fb. in addition, i restricted my profile such that everything in my fb account could only be seen by me. i also changed my nick in fb to my chinese buddhist name. for those who knew why i did it, they continued poking me and mailing me. and of cos, i do respond by poking back once a while but generally, i have kept out of fb. since then, i noticed my friend list getting lesser. this was perhaps not unexpected cos not many people know my chinese buddhist name. and when a foreign name appeared out of no where with no possible ways for them to find out the identity, the next most logical thing to do would be to delete the name.

but 2 days ago, i got a friend request - the first and only one since i went underground. it was from a person whose name could be acronymed as "dk" - that was what he was affectionately called when he was in the service. well, i know him. he was the previous chief defence force. and he was the army chief at the time i was outed by the security department. and he did not even bat an eyelid nor uttered a word when it happened. one day, i was working my hearts out for him (i was heading the office that was directly in charge of many of his official affairs), and the next day, when i saw him during an official visit, he seemed pretty unfriendly in his gaze. it did not feel good when a chief you had respected and worked your butts out for looked you in such a manner.

reflecting, i believed i had, in a way, took it personally against him when i was called up. as my chief, i felt he should have at least called me up and explain to me why it happened. but he did not. instead, what happened was that i was left in the lurch. and some couple of weeks later, his personnel (hr) chief called me up. and in that short few minutes of interview, i was indirectly told that i was living an immoral life becos of my sexuality. not the way to treat a serviceman who had served professionally for close to 20 years, not the right thing to do. anyway, the hr chief died of heart failure during a run the following year (or 2 years later, i cannot recall), i did not even bother to attend his wake/ funeral. i did not even bother to give any pek kim when the envelop was passed around. secretly, i was cursing him, i could not forget his words. i was glad he died... that was how much i hated him at that time.

ok, back to the friend request. i saw it when i woke up at 5am and instinctively reached out to check my email on my phone. i went back to sleep. when i finally woke up the next morning, i logged into facebook. i was half-tempted to sent him a "do i know you?" mail. i wondered - why did dk, who is now a senior government official, add me as a friend? was he that desperate to expand his friend list? he did not even know who i was... after thinking for a while, i told myself not to waste my time.

i clicked "ignore".