pick-up sex

this is such a sexy post! really reminds me of those good old cruising days where people prowlled the streets and car parks and make out in dark alleys, abandoned houses, old hotel car parks and for those adventurous enough, to do it openly in public places (fort road car park comes to mind!)... can still remember my experiences at club street, ann siang hill, telok ayer, meyer road, etc but of course, we do not do it in our underwear like what you see here. then again, no need to think too much, just enjoy the production. you can see more of such productions at the gregg homme homepage.

enjoy!

:-)

ps: and yes, the heavy breathing is quite a turn on isn't it?

discharged

been a busy day for me since morning. went to see doctor for a blood and urine test to confirm my chills and fever was not due to kidney infection, then went to get mum's dentures from the dental center before i finally went to the hospital to get mum discharged.

ps: my kidneys were found to be ok... whew!

spam

i noted from my blog stats that there are people from russia visiting my blog daily. and i also note from my google analytics that there are unauthorized attempts to access my blogs from russia and brazil... hmmm... ok, guys, i have changed my passwords and i have reactivated the word verification for posting any comments... hate being spammed. especially with comments that i do not understand and/ or with links that leads one to some dodgy straight porn sites. if only, if only there is such a thing called spammed with cute men... that i wouldn't mind...

:-)

kidney infection?

when i had the chills and the fever, i remembered what the urologist told me - once you get chills and fever, you must head to the a&e ward immediately. it means your kidney is infected and that there would be an urgent need to remove the stone... does my chills and fever yesterday suggest it is time to head to the hospital? hmmm... challenging issue cos i have to discharge mum from hospital today... anyway, i'll head over to the polyclinic to get my urine tested to see if there are traces of blood and do some test to see if my kidneys are infected...

dead

went to visit my mum last evening and i was shivering all over. had to take mum's hospital blanket to wrap myself up, even then, i felt very cold.. realized later than i was running a bad fever. anyway, when i arrived, i noted that the lady opposite my mum was no longer around. asked mum about it and she said that in the early hours of the morning, a lot of people came into the ward (including policemen!?), and the nurses came into the ward and closed all the curtains of every single patients. there was a lot of commotion and by the time the nurses opened the curtain, the lady was no longer around...

i supposed she had passed away.

sad...

39.2

not too hot! could have been worst! feeling very cold too! brrrrrr...

flu bug

just when i thought i could take a break... my nose started to get runny. really really runny. and i also started sneezing non-stop... and my throat started feeling rough. and now, i am running a slight temperature!

damned!

cute mum

i don't know whether to call mum cute or what. opposite her is this old dying lady... yes, dying but not dead. but somehow, i think it was becos mum couldn't see clearly, mum thought she had died... this was what happened when i visited her during lunch...

me: hello mak...

mum: last night the opposite bed very noisy. so many people visited. i think she is dying liao...
me (putting a finger on my mouth): shhh... don't say so loud... not too nice...

very embarrassing right? aiyoh... and worst of all, mum said it out loud like as though there was no one around... eeks... and then when i visited her during dinner time... (old lady is still trying hard to breath and still in semi-comatose state)

me: hello mak... have you had your dinner?

mum (pointing to the old woman): shhh... old woman died at 3pm, they are all still waiting to bring her to the morgue....
me (!!!): shhh... no la! she is not dead la... and aiyoh, don't say so loud... not nice, not nice...

mum (looking a little confused): huh?... haven't die ah? i thought she die liao... everyone was crying so loud just now. so noisy...

it is situations like these that i do not know how to hide my face... i really wished i could be an ostrich at that point in time! well, thankfully, the family was in no mood to even pay attention to what mum said...

so pai seh....

:-)

sombre ward

been visiting my mum twice a day and staying with her till close to closing time. opposite her bed (where she faces direct), lie an elderly woman who is in a semi-conscious state. judging from the non-stop streams of visitors, it was clear that she is in the dangerous-ill-list (dil) and could possibly die any time. what was distressing about this lady is the fact that her visitors can be rather emotional and when that happens, the mood in the whole ward would really be very negative. 

just earlier, when i was there, a middle aged lady came (her daughter, i supposed) with 2-3 other teenagers/ young adults. and she went up to the old lady, and started calling out to her. well, old lady was obviously semi-comatose and could not respond. and this daughter kept calling out to her mother in teochew. and as she called, she became more drama. the mother couldn't respond, yet she kept calling. and as she kept on calling, she got more and more emotional. and she went on, ma... ma... i brought ah xxx and ah yyy and ah zzz to see you liao. can you wake up and see them, ma... ma... and she repeated again and again and then her voice started breaking and... well, you know how such emotions tend to self-reinforce themselves. and in no time, almost everyone seemed to be breaking into sobs... sighs... (i was also half choking after all these non-stop ah ma ah ma calls)... 

sighs... very sad right? 

comfort food

food never fail to lift my spirits. 

yesterday, after all the rushing and settling of mum's hospitalization admin, i decided to have a good korean dinner, complete with makguri (aka makolli) korean unfiltered rice wine. felt good after that and slept reasonably ok. today, again after a day's work and visits to the hospital during lunch and dinner times, i decided to whack a round of fried chicken fast food after my dinner.

screw the fact that i am trying to control my diet (getting fat). 

i need to feel good.

and food does that for me.

all the time!

mum's hospitalized

mum has been hospitalized since yesterday morning for chest infections. been a month of coughing and she had constantly resisted visiting the hospital. it's her dislike for hospital stays as she said hospital food is lousy, boring, etc. so, we ended up visiting the family doctor almost on a weekly basis. her condition did not improve and by yesterday it got so bad, she finally asked to head to the a&e. i did not hesitate. at the a&e, there was no long waits nor long observations period. after the triage, the doctor came immediately, took a look and told me she needed to be warded. that was how serious she was.

today, we were told she would have to undergo a procedure to determine how much further her throat has narrowed since last year and whether she should be placed on tube feed permanently. it seemed like since last year, her throat has further deteriorated to the point where the danger of her choking is now very high... will see how the procedure goes... so that was how my last weekend ended up. saturday, series of mum-related issues due to anxiety and paranoia. sunday, breathlessness, worsened coughing and general body weakness leading to her hospitalization.

well... it has been about 10 months since she was last hospitalized. a relatively long period frankly. her record of hospitalization when she stayed with my brother was 2-3 hospitalization within the period of a month. from this perspective, i do think i have done something right with regards tending to her needs and looking after her (pat pat myself)... anyway, there was quite a bit of mixed feelings about her hospitalization. and i said this becos when it happened, i told myself that finally i can get a break from taking care of her. and that i can go out and do what i want to do without worrying about whether she will get anxiety attacks. that i can go have proper dinner with bee, go shopping, watch a movie, go for strolls, etc. things that we used to do before she came over to stay with me. also, i can finally get a peaceful night of sleep without having to worry about her falling in the middle of the night. and when i thought about all these possibilities, it somehow felt wrong. how could i possibly indulge in such thoughts when she is sick! hmmmm... well, objectively speaking i have not been able to do much of these stuffs i mentioned yet cos bee's dad is also unwell currently...

so...

insecurities of the human male

i see an increased number of questions such as "2 men going out together = gay?", "do you dare to run topless?", "do you dare to walk around your corridor topless?", "do you dare to bath in the nude at the pool cubicles" being asked... harlow! in the 80s/ 90s, it was perfectly normal to do all these. no questions asked. hmmmm... perhaps this has direct correlations to the constant blasts of hot 6-packed perfections everywhere? (haha... why am i suddenly so aware of my one big pack now!?)

on the same token, i see the trend of guys getting more and more aware and shy and feeling uncomfortable with people looking at them (be it real or percieved) in male public spaces such as toilets and pools. it's like as though people around them are awaiting to prey on them... and this is reflected in the way construction of public spaces has evolved over the years. for example, we used to have those common drain urinals, over time, these have been removed and changed to single person urinals, and even then, these days, we have partitions being created between 2 single male urinals... similarly, in the past, public pool shower areas came with common open sharing shower areas, these have gradually been replaced with single doorless ones. then, curtained shower cubicles were the order of the day... and the latest trend is to install doors for these doorless cubicles... interesting cases of changes in public areas to protect the pubic areas.

i do ask myself objectively - do these developments suggest the singaporean male's increasing insecurities about their own body, or for that matter, their sexuality?...

hmmm....

ps: don't you just love the cute innocent face! hahaha!

picture from http://thefreshxpress.com/2010/06/insecurity-is-the-reason-why-men-hate/

your mum

i have heard this from my immediate boss so often i felt totally pissed off... whenever i meet up with him to discuss about work, he likes to say "becos of your challenges with your mum... yadda yadda yadda"... harlo! i don't have a challenge with my mum insofar as work is concerned. i still come to work at 8.30am and i still go off at 6pm. and off office hours, i am still contactable by my office-issued bb and i still do my work and deliver what i am supposed to deliver all the time!

damned! and the worst part was - despite all the "i am concern about whether you can manage given your challenges with your mum", the arrows still come furious and strong. so... all pack of bullshit and false pretense in the "concerns"...

get lost!

picture from http://www.therainmakergroupinc.com/blog/bid/91076/Bad-Boss-or-a-Bad-Job-Fit

fatefully yours

i am not one who follow tv serials. but for the latest mediacorp chinese tv serial 孤男寡女 (fatefully yours), it is different. i have been following it almost non-stop and the reason why i do so was becos i can identify with the characters and the issues they faced and i find inspiration from how the lead characters characters handle the challenges.

in the serial, the anxiety issues faced by the xinxin's (the female lead) mum and the chaos it is creating for her is exactly the same as the chaos my mum is creating for me in my own life. and i am thankful to mediacorp for having this show aS it showed that what i am experiencing is not special to me and that there are indeed many out there who are facing the same issues with their own parents. also, what inspired and moved me was the way xinxin continue to take care of her mum unconditionally despite all the challenges her mum created for her. that is something i need to learn for i find that i am always torn between my own personal life and managing her anxieties, insecurities and paranoia...

it is really draining cos it robs me of my life... but, no, i cannot give up. i need to make use of this period to cultivate the loving compassion in me...

picture from http://www.bpptv.com/

building trust

it is so draining to constantly be the bridge between bee and mum. also, i find it difficult to respond to both cos they seemed to want to out-talk each other when they talk to me. and it makes the whole relationship building efforts between bee and mum even more difficult. as for mum, she is of unsound mind and has a high level of distrust in people around her. her frequent dreams of dad/ grandma/ grandpa (etc) telling her that this person or that person is out to harm her reflects on her insecurities when she does not trust people. when she stayed with my brother, she would accuse my sis-in-law and my domestic help of wanting to harm/ kill her. and all these, i suspect, was because she could not understand what they were saying (one is a china chinese and the other, a filipina). and because of the language barrier, whatever they say, she believed them to be attempts in conniving to harm her... and she had frequent dreams of my grandparents telling her to move out of the house... that was how she ended up in my house. and now, this whole pattern is repeated with bee...

and looking at the trend... it became clear to me that what was missing was the element of trust between her and the people around her. the efforts in building up the trust in the case of my sis-in-law and my domestic help was hampered by language barrier. as for bee, i have asked him to talk to my mum more. he tried but would end up keeping to himself after sometime. i supposed he did not understand my intentions of wanting him to build up the trust between him and mum  for he said "i tried to talk to her but she turned away, so what i can do..." and he would simply go to the room and ignore her. not easy and i also understand his difficulties but i do hope he could try harder... 

sighs...

ps: i supposed he is also stressed up with his dad's illness... can't force him if he does not want to do it... and since he cannot understand my intention and choose to simply take my request to talk simply as "to talk", there is nothing much i can do...

picture from http://www.simplyefficient.com.au/AAPage_2.htm

memory loss

came home after breakfast and decided to take a quick nap after putting the laundry into the washing machine... and not long after, i was waken by noise from the kitchen. went to check and found mum trying to hang the laundry. made me very upset cos she always ended up panting like crazy and at times even nearly suffocating to death due to such chores. i asked if she remembered how i had told her off before when she last did the laundry and how it almost killed her and she said no... i left her to rest on the sofa as i did the hanging.

later, she asked me where my brother had gone to. what a weird question i thought and i probed further. and she said she couldn't find him cos he was not in the room... she added that he went for company run this morning and had left the house at 5-plus... she went on to say he even brought her out for breakfast... it was when she said all these that i realized she had totally forgotten that i was the one she was referring to in all she said instead of my brother.

sighs...

it has been quite a while since she behaved this way... all the efforts in stabilizing her seemed to disappear just like that in one morning. just because of one run. does all these mean i really just cannot leave her alone? that i should somehow just keep by her side?

picture from http://www.123rf.com/photo_12353999_memory-loss-due-to-dementia-and-alzheimer.html

chance encounter

after talking to my mum and explaining to her about how bee was not about to kill her, i brought her out for breakfast. as usual, i brought her to bedok north market, the one closest to where bee lives. well... it so happened that as we were eating, bee's parents walked by. it caught me by surprised. i did not know how to respond. under normal circumstances, i would have introduced them to my mum and chatted with them. but given her state of paranoia and anxiety attack this morning, i chose to just say hello and no further. i really told myself i should try to talk to much cos mum has always said that bee's mum always cast black magic on her... (yes, illogical but... furthermore, she has not even met bee's mum before! yet she told me all her friends told her bee's mum very expert in black magic... sighs...). i supposed they felt a little weird with my seemingly less than enthusiastic response cos they went along soon after... immediately after they left, mum asked me who they were... i simply told her i know them cos they are the parents of some friends who lived nearby. thankfully, she left it as that and continued with her breakfast...

whew...

picture from http://www.behance.net/gallery/Toy-Stories/1714465

draining

it's draining to be the caregiver for someone who has paranoia and anxiety. mum has been rather stable over the last month or so. but today she went super cranky again. what happened was yesterday, i told her i will be attending a company run at 6am today. and would be waking up early for the run. she said ok. and in the evening, bee came over for a short while. hearing that bee would be coming over, she retired into the bedroom instead of sleeping in the living room sofa as she had done for the past weeks.

this morning i when for the run and at about 8.30am, i got a call from my sis. she asked if everything was ok. funny question from her. and i probed further. she explained that mum had called her and said she wanted to move out of my house immediately, even if it meant sleeping in the corridor of my sis's place. apparently, she was crying when she spoke with sis. i rushed home. and i spoke with mum... here's her story...

my dad came to her dream and told her that bee will kill her soon and that she must quickly leave the house, the sooner, the better. and apparently, my dad had also told her that bee was the cause of his death aka had killed him. and she was very scared. and i tried to explain to her that it was just a dream. but she insisted that it was true. apparently, she had this strong belief in her dreams and that all characters that appeared and told her all sorts of things were true. it was difficult to comprehend the logic, but seriously, talking to such illogical chain of thoughts, i concluded that i must also speak her lingo. my response to her was - that my dad was really irresponsible. that for his whole life, he had ill-treated my mum (my mum strongly believed so), and even after his death, he had chosen to tell her lies so as to make her worry. well, if one did not know the context, i would have sounded like i was really scolding my dad. but really, my dad is dead (he does not exist anymore). but what i was doing, was to make use of my dad to educate and to convince my mum that all those things she chose to believe were not true...

it was certainly not easy. took me a whole morning to calm her down.

sighs...

picture from http://www.altham.com/html/animal_cartoons.html

only in singapore

then, we had a maid carry the haversack for her "master" soldier. now, we have a soldier surrendering his rifle to a man wielding a screwdriver... what joke. it is moments like this that makes me one helluva embarrassed to tell people i was from the army... i am sure in my time, such things wouldn't have happened. whoever dared threaten me with a screwdriver would get a butt stroke to the head. no second thoughts about it!

on one hand, i would want to see this as a one off incident. but on the other hand, the recent increase in such never heard before cases really make me wonder if it suggest we now have a softer and more guniang generation...

sighs!

picture from http://sg.sports.yahoo.com/news/man-robs-nsf-of-rifle-with-a-screwdriver.html

virus

my macbook air has been infected with a virus!

arghhhh! anyone know how to clear it? have received mails from a couple of friends telling me they got spammed by me. also, my blog has been spammed too! and based on google, the spammers came from japan and brazil!

damned! don't like this. someone should develop a script to reverse-spam spammers!

ps: well, the good thing is, i do not have many emails addresses in my address book and so, i deleted all my email addresses! well, i know i am not solving the problem by doing this, but at least i m not causing my friends any further problems...

pps: the half-full perspective, aka silver lining of this is that i know which of my friends are still using their emails! haha!

picture from http://www.spkcomputing.com/services/virusremoval/Virus/default.html

haiyah

everything has been going well for the last month or so and mum seemed very stable. but this evening, her mental issues started appearing again. out of no where, she started talking about how bee's mother is very adept at using black magic and that everyone around her has told her about it...

i almost lost my cool... anyway, i didn't. i was clearly upset nonetheless. it's always times like these that i have to remind myself she is of unsound mind and suffers from anxiety disorders. and i guess the fact that bee's dad's condition has worsened stressed her out significantly...

sighs... everyone is stressed out and i really don't need this additional nonsense from her. but i know i cannot blame her. such beyond-logic thoughts are something that cannot be explained or understood. just need to learn to ignore and move along. but for now, my whole evening is ruinned...

haiyah... suddenly feel so fucking blah!

wtf!

ps: have been following channel 8's nightly mandarin serial cos i totally can understand the challenges that the female lead (xinxin) is going through... my mum has the same anxiety disorders and on top of that, paranoia. it's so draining...

shag month

june has always been a shag month... ok ok, not that kinda shag, but rather, financially difficult month. been so, in part, because i have planned it this way. it's the time to pay the annual income tax, car insurance, road tax, personal insurance, la la la. and this year, it is extra tight cos of mum's increased medical cost, her recent bout of flu (that is still lingering), ct scan, car repairs, breakdown of my laptop and purchase of my macbook air, wedding ang pow, housewarming invites, a heightened may visa bill, etc...

man! i am really spending ahead of what i am earning! just typing this post alone is enough to make me feel broke! damned! heh heh... what this means is that i have to control my spendings for the next few months...

:-)

picture from http://www.slaneymortgages.com/blog/tag/credit-horror

>.<

for this post, i really donno what title to give... anyway, here's the context before the post. been feeling v v v heaty lately and having very bloated tummy... so, here's the story...

woke up today, mum felt sick, told her not to go rehab. drove to work, along the way, decided to repair my car and took a day's e-leave. had to take the bus home as a result...

i boarded the bus and decided to stand at the wheelchair berth next to the exit. and at that moment, i felt the urge coming... no. cannot do it. everyone would know it's me. just then, a crowd gathered at the exit as the bus approached a bus stop. just nice, multi-racial crowd coupled with a good mix of well groomed and unkempt people... and so...

you know how the saying goes...

"响屁不臭,臭屁不响"

and yes, it was soooooo silent!

i am sooooo mean! but in situations like these, you have to go, you have to go!

have a super weekend!

picture from http://flickrhivemind.net/User/banjo%20d/Interesting

sexiness - a perspective

you have a jock with a to-die-for perfect greek god body, tan, tall, handsome, young and cute and wears a see through underwear and you scream out loud - waaa!!! sexy!!!

you have the same underwear but replaced with a grossly obese, toufu-coloured sickly blistered complexion with lots of wounds and scars from previous wounds, complete with body hair that is matted like an ungroomed orang utan... perfect definition of grotesque...

same underwear... different outcome...

picture from http://mens-underwear-blog.com

resilience & commitment

you can better appreciate the meaning of resilience when you see a swimming trainer trying his best to teach a grossly obese person. does not matter for the fact that the trainer is young, cute, tan and has a good built...

on the same token, you see commitment and discipline when you see a grossly obese person trying his best to learn how to swim. does not matter for the fact that he was merely learning how to float...

:-)

sweet!

went for my scan, brought my mum along. then brought her to walk around at the hospital pharmacy, to tampines mall, walk and walk and dinner and then walk and walk some more... and then we went to the airport... t3, then t2, then t1... and then back to t3... and it was walk and walk and walk and walk still... and we chatted and chatted as we walked... and she said something really really sweet...

"compare to everyone at work, i am so xin fu (blessed). in the day, i go to work (her term for rehab center), then when i come back home, you bring me out dinner, chiack hong, shopping and dinners... and i get to do it everyday!" 

that is sooooooo soooooo sweet right?!?!... of cos, to make the conversation sweeter, i added...

haiyah... going out with my mum is my responsibility la... if i don't go out with you, who else will go out with you right?...

and we walked on... chatting away... 

:-)

underwear

going for my ct scan reminded me of an x-ray i went 6 months ago at the hospital a&e department... a very young and very pretty radiologist came out and asked me to change into the robes (i would have gotten an instant hard on if i were 1% less than perfect gaydom). i asked if i should also remove my underwear given that the x-ray was tageted at my bladder. i think she must have had this question thrown at her before cos she gave me a "don't be funny" look and said no, i should leave it on. that was what i did... after i took the x-ray, i walked out and less than a minute later, as i walked towards the waiting area, the radiologist ran out and asked...

radiologist: ahhhh... sir, do you happen to have metal studs on you down there?

me (now, now... who's asking...): ahhhh... ya... on my underwear... that's why i asked if i should remove it earlier ma...

radiologist (a bit pai seh): sorry, but i would have to take your x-ray again. this time round, please remove your underwear...

me: orhhh...

i was wearing my ck boxers that fateful evening...
haha!

madam peace

i am awaiting my turn to be zapped and blogging from the radiology department. ok, not zap as in zapped kill-the-cockcroach-zap... am awaiting for my ct scan of my 2 kidneys. and i thought I should share this rather funny incident... i had brought my mum along with the intentions to bring her shopping after the appointment. and as usual, i have to push her around in the wheelchair... as i wheeled her, i shared the irony that despite her being in the wheelchair, i am instead the patient...

i went on to register and took the registration slip to the ct scan room... the male attendant took the slip from me, looked at my mum and in his attempt to verify the identity, announced out loud... 

"madam peace"...

lol!

perspectives - aging 8

meaning of holiday... as a young person, anything goes for me when i go overseas. i went backpacking, i went trekking in the mountains of the golden triangle, slept in aborigine villages, ride elephants, built bamboo rafts and water-rafted down the mountain streams... that to me, was what holidays should be!!! as i grew older, i joined tour groups, still, i climbed mountains, visited deserts, drank and dined amongst israelites, visited black sea and went as far as visit a palestine/ israeli border... still it was dangerous excitement! wooooo!!! these days... well, much as the mind imagines myself to enjoy such things still, my perfect holiday would be to have a nice hotel room, sauna, gym, sceneries, food, cold weather (snow if possible), drink wine while admiring the skyful of stars in the comforts of the hotel room... and of course, rent a car and drive to wherever excites me... pampering myself has taken a higher priority these days...

:-)

perspectives - aging 7

defining "chiong"... when we (my friends and i) were younger, we "chiong" and we danced and we drank and we found excitement outside our families... social life somehow centered around booze and clubs... and we slept at bus stops when we missed the last bus/ mrt. and when we got home, we slept for 2hrs and then we "chiong" again! now, increasingly our times are spend with our family (including partners). and when we "chiong", it would be having coffees, hotel lounges, wine (and the occasional cheese)... and we do not sleep at bus stops anymore because firstly, we drive, but more significantly, we cannot keep our eyes open after 11pm... and worst still, we take 2-3 days to recover after a late night out!

doh!

perspectives - aging 6

what stirs the loins... when we were a lot younger, older men were so attractive! younger people were... hmmm... then we mature... and at one stage, everyone was attractive! we know which age group to go to to get say, fun, stability, wild sex, or simply to have a shoulder to cry on... and now increasingly, i have people coming to cry on my shoulder, find me attractive... and i must say, i am also finding younger people more and more attractive over time!

age is creeping up on me!

hmmm...

perspectives - aging 5

expressing our sexual energies... when i met up with germs, we mused about how much sexual energies our fellow young bloggers possess... but reflecting further, we were probably the same (or perhaps worst, i know i was... heh heh) when we were at that age. what had change was that things/ opinions/ experiences are now shared more openly and information on glbt lifestyle is much more accessible... and then it dawned upon us... without realizing it, we now belong to an older generation...

haha!

perspectives - aging 4

officer cadets... a couple of years back, i was having breakfast with my colleague at the canteen at work (then, i was still in the military) and we were musing about how officer cadets these days tend to increasingly look and behave like kids... we spoke about (well, "bitch" would be a better word) how these kids were rude, how uncouth they had become, how... and we added how we were not the same as them when we were cadets, etc... and then it dawned upon us. conscription age had not changed. what had change was that we had grown older. cadets were just behaving their age!

hmmm...

perspectives - aging 3

songs in radio... we know we are aging when we begin to enjoy songs from radio stations that play "older" songs... or in another words, when the songs we know begin to appear in stations known for playing oldies! for me, when i was in school, i listened to fm98.7 (known as perfect 10 at that time). gradually, somehow, my songs started playing in fm95.0 (class95), and now, i am largely tuned to fm90.5 (gold90.5)...

darned! even the name sounds more and more mature right?!

haha!

perspectives - aging 2

"youngness" & experience... related to what i wrote earlier, after chatting for a while, we all laughed and agreed that when we were younger, or for that matter, when we were kids, all doctors were considered old and very respectable. and when we grew older, all doctors seemed to get younger by the days and also inexperienced... then we concluded, it is not the doctors that were getting younger or less respectable. it was us who were getting older.

haha!

perspectives - aging 1

young vs old... had this interesting conversation between bee, mum and i yesterday. mum said, doctors all are very young these days. bee said the doctor treating his dad is young... and i said the doctor treating me for my stones also young... then i realized, the doctors my mum were referring to all age anything below 60. for bee, the doctor he was talking about was in the 20s. and for me, the doctor was in his mid-30s. yup... indeed, all are young... relative to our respective ages...

:-)

high speed internet

the teleshop mechanics came down today to hook my unit up to the national highspeed internet fibre network... am operating at 50mbps upload/ download speed now!

weeeeeee...

:-)

ps: bee said when i watch porn now, the characters will cum very fast...

sweat...

repainting & repairs

went to the workshop to check how fast it would take to repair my side mirror and to service my car... one day, my mechanic said. a bit longer than usual cos he needed to paint the side mirror. ok, i though. i needed to do that one overall servicing and check before i renew my road tax next month...

and i asked further. how much would it cost me to repaint my car... hmmm... he looked at it, did some mental calculation and said - estimated 1.2k if i repaint same colour, 1.6-1.8k if i decide to change colour. reason for higher cost due to the need to dismantle the whole car and to paint the whole frame... price quoted include correcting and smoothening all the little scratches, kinks and knocks all over my car...

hmmm... should i do it?

:-)

fine month

june has been a fine month. yup... went to buy dog food, parked temporarily at yellow zig zag line, kenah fined $120 and 3 demerit points, rushed mum to the clinic, parked my car, tore a 1-hr car park coupon... came back and kenah fine $50... realized i parked in a resident-parking lot... and then received a parking fine letter... $30... apparently, bee had parked the car at his place overnight and had not put a overnight car park coupon...

sighs...

looking for job

i am currently looking for jobs... and i have been applying some jobs here and there. but somehow, there don't seemed to be any jobs that really make me feel very comfortable. and i am also in some sort of a dilemma cos on one hand, i want to leave, and i will tender when there is a suitable one available after i get my bonus end-june, but on the other hand, i am worried about my health... and also, i do wonder if i can ever find a job that pays me sufficiently to sustain my current list of loans, commitments, etc...

sighs...

kidney stones

i will be heading to the hospital to do a rescan of my kidneys this coming tuesday. i am quite sure the stones in both kidneys are still there and for that matter, have grown larger. this is because i tire very easily these days, i feel dehydrated (although my urine is light coloured and clear), i constantly have this very achy feeling in both kidneys (particularly my left kidney), once a while, i feel a slight burning sensation when i pee, and worst of all, i have been getting mouth ulcers almost non-stop for the last 2 months (at this moment, i have 4-5 mouth ulcers)...

i am also quite certain i will be asked to consider op when i see the doctor in 2 weeks time...

but somehow i am not too anxious about it. whatever will be, will be.

que sera sera.

reunion

have organised a reunion dinner of sorts tonight for my ns peers in the same camp as me in 1986. managed to get 8 pax together. kinda looking forward to it!

:-)

rantings about mum

• over the past 2 weeks, i brought mum to lots of places - clark quay, scotts isetan, parkway parade, columbarium, imm, etc and we ate lots of stuffs - japanese ice cream, cedele, western, malay, durians, mango, etc... but interestingly, she would forget about where we went to or what we ate after a day or two... doh!

• mum has been coughing quite badly, and last 2 days, she coughed so violently, i had to rush her to the clinic. she has been given quite a few medication to clear her phlegm, catch her breath, etc... and to manage her cough...

• mum finally got her dentures after 2 years of going without dentures. but for now, the dentist only gave her the upper half. needed her to get use to the use of dentures again before he issues her with the lower set. this is in part, to reintroduce her to the habits of using dentures again, and to calibrate her expectations. her lower jaw and gums had, over the past 2 years receded and somewhat shrunk. and he warned that the lower dentures will not be able to sit as snugly as the upper one... well, we'll see. she will be fitted with it this coming tuesday and we'll see her response. as of now, she is already complaining that the upper denture is hurting her slidely when she eats...

• mum has been relatively more stable these couple of weeks. i think this was, in part, due to the fact that bee has lessened his stay overs due to the worsening of his dad's conditions.

• brought mum to cut and perm her hair. this is one of those things that would really cheer her up.

baby words

i have a total of 7 nieces, no nephews. the eldest should be 24 this year and the youngest, 2 years old. the 8th one is on the way. amongst all my nieces, every single one has their own ways of learning new words... and what made their words interesting and fun was the way they were taught to address us and how they (for whatever reasons) ended up with words that became an intimate and personal part of my extended family. for example, my eldest niece, her tongue developed a little slow when she was a baby... and so when she was taught to address my dad, gong gong... she couldn't. she ended calling him dor dor haha! in the end, she and her younger sister ended up calling my dad dor dor well into their adulthood until he passed away 4 years ago. well, at least she managed mama and tua ku reasonably well. 

same for teaching them to call their siblings by their names, anything more than 2 syllabus always became a repetition of one syllabus of the name. and so, we ended up having interesting names such as gaga, dada, jer jer, na na, pat pat... and the latest in this string of interesting and my-family-specific terms is this - my youngest 2-year old niece can never be taught to address me as ah pek, or tua pek, or da bo (in chinese), instead, up till today, she still calls me "pork pork"...

i am so tak halal!

lol!

creativity

i have my theory. and that is - we human beings are most creative when we are starved of resources... here are 2 very interesting examples

• we all got creative in our use of language when we were forced to squeeze as many words as possible within a 160-character when sms technology first stated. at that time, the technology then didn't allow us to write messages longer than 160 characters. and so, we simplify words (we drop the "th", we drop the "qu", and we created instead, ze, nite, gd, tmr, cmg, gg, etc), we created acronyms (lol, rotfl, omg, wtf, fo, tmi), we increased the use of shortened words ("gay" instead of "homosexual", "straight" or "str8" instead of "heterosexual", "bi" instead of "bisexual"), we marry numbers and words (eg, 2day, 3some, 4some, str8), we replaced words with numbers ("0" instead of "bottom", "1" instead of "top") and symbols, we created emoticons (:-), :-P, etc), we changed sentence structures, and so on... in short, we got creative with our languages! what resulted was a rojak of things and a nightmare to those language purists... languages in general took a beating... a huge beating!

• singapore got about really creative in the search of new water sources when mahathir threatened to turn off our taps and stop supplying water to us... we created technologies to get water from non-traditional sources, we drew water out of sewage, we drew water out of the sea, we restructure and realign the whole island's water system such that there is a dual system where the drainage system channel rain water to reservoirs while the sewage system channel waste water to water extraction factories, we make all possible inland rivers and streams into reservoirs... what resulted was we literally made the whole island into a reservoir. and to top it off, we also started creating cheaper technologies to draw water out of the highly humid tropical air, and the water-rich seas around us...

anyone any thoughts?

english-malay

i have noticed this interesting thing about how singaporeans and malaysians bastardized languages differently - malaysian bloggers tend to "malayanise" english words by using ber-, ter- etc to english words. on the other hand, singaporeans would anglicised (did i use this word correctly?) malay words by adding for example, -ing, instead (such as makaning)...

effects of our education system...

haha!

deflower

the sense of anticipation can really kill! and the feeling reminds me of the moments before the first few encounters... but hmmm... that was aeons ago! hahaha... now that i got the blood rushing... ok, ok, am just being a little drama queen here. i have just switched on my blog and it hit me that it will reach its' 80,000 blog hits anytime in the next hour or so... frankly, i am amazed with the rate of hits, especially in the last 2 years! 

 so... yup, kinda excited (quite a nonsense la, me!) about hitting 80,000... 

macam kenah 80,000 good ones right? hahaha... 

i am really such a nonsense... 

:-)

white

this is what i had for breakfast...

it's a brand new week!

:-)

heartland hotties

am at a coffee shop in a heartland estate having rojak with mum and somehow there's quite a few hotties here! and something is telling me at least one or two of them are members! haha!

there are these 2 malay guys seated 2 tables away. one of them (the younger one) has this super lean physique and spot short hair with a spiky crop on top. his jawline is really nice and he wears a squarish pair of specs. if not for his complexion, i would have thought he is korean... hmmm... or maybe not, singaporean ns boy perhaps. and the person having late lunch beside this boy (the older one) has the macho shit look, complete with a short stubby beard. he spots this armani spiky hairstyle and wears this super tight round neck t-shirt over his super bulky muscleman buffed up body and silky material, floral-printed 3/4 pants... the kinda pants that no gay men would be seen in... hmmm... and interestingly this musclemen kept looking towards my direction. very piercing double eyelid eyes... gay? not too sure, but certainly very much a eye candy!

and between these malay hotties and my table is another interesting group. there are 3 persons - one 70-plus ah pek, and two 20-something. one of the 20-something has this goatie, bulky-yet-not-overly-buffed-up body, and wears a blink blink ear stud, while the other looks pretty boy-next-door and wears a sports cap. again, it is doubtful if they are gay, or perhaps a couple. well, whatever the case, they are also very much an eye candy...

heh heh... mulut makan rojak, and at the same time, cuci mata... nice afternoon indeed...

:-)

macbook air

now this is my first entry using my new macbook air! good bye pc... hello apple!

:-)