emo day

feeling highly emo and pissed off today.

this has been happening for a while and every time i highlighted it, he would brush me off. i totally hated it when i was made to feel ignored and when my smses were not replied. added to that, whenever i call, the phone will never be able to get through as though it was switched off. and when i finally got through, no one picked up the call. and when the call was picked up finally, all I got was - i was working, or no leh, my phone was always on...

all these made me think of the last time when i was with james where he neglected me through and through. and i was also reminded of how he behaved when he was with his ex. i was simply not in existent. no priority. and linking these observations to the recent trip despite being unwell, the many text messages he gets when with me even late at nights, etc, i sometimes wonder if this is indeed the case. and i hate to compare but i was there and always tried to be there when he needed me. but where was he when i needed someone to lean on? or simply just to respond to me...

feeling very pissed. and when i voiced it out, all i got was a - aiyah, ok ok... and then he change topic. 

pissed! pissed! pissed!