Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to me! 

More meaning than just a birthday wish.

ORCHESTRA OF DRILLS & HAMMERS

This is the phrase you will use to describe a situation where you have all the different units above, above left, above right, above centre, below, below left, below right, below centre (ok, maybe I've exaggerated a bit) renovating their units and undertaking major drilling and hacking of their walls and floors

ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!!

The volume, the different frequencies (due to the different drills used), the 3D outcome, the vibrations of the floor and walls and even the air around you can really make you go bonkers. if you allow it to.  It can totally consume you.

Ok, I will continue to be zen, as zen as I can be

at most, I'll just use CAPITAL letters for this blog entry

 

Think I'd head out for coffee

Happy birthday to myself. 

:-)

Quick thoughts

it's coming to the end of the year and I am beginning to see a lot of reflective pieces in the media about 2020. I must say that some are rather good and really put a positive spin on the year (despite all the gloom and doom). And this made me think about my experiences and what this year meant for me as well. But that piece will come end of the year. For now, let me capture here some little bites of my thoughts and feelings (that will not go into my year end blog):

• I turn 54 tomorrow. Birthdays have never been a big affair for nor a big deal to me. It is just another day and I do not really make a fuss about it. But for some reasons, it feels a little different this year. Perhaps it is the fact that I feel a sense of loss - loss of the ability to meet my friends for a meal, given that we need to observe the 5-persons max rule for any social gatherings. But yeah, this is perhaps the order of 2020. Social distancing and social responsibility. 

• I am blogging even as there is heavy drilling going around me. Welcome to the world of working from home where we work amidst renovations that are going on amongst neighbours. I kinda miss the quiet of the circuit breaker period where all works stopped and everything was peaceful. But I guess it's payback/ catch-up time. Heh... just need to bite the bullet and live my life as zen as I possibly can. I can only feel as disturbed as I allow myself to feel disturbed. 

• There have been an increased in wild life around me in recent months. I think this is the effect of the local drive to turn the country into a city in nature, and I totally like it! So these days, I hear the loud calls of the Asian Koel daily, amongst many other wild bird species. And of cos, the many professional birdwatchers that congregate near my estate every weekend trying to capture shots of birds such as the Jerdon Bazza and many more. And not to mention the sightings of otters, crocodiles, monitor lizards, wild boars, etc. Nice!

• Work should be winding down at this time of the year. But in reality, everyone is busy gearing up for the annual planning and budget projections. It's interesting to see the different dynamics and behaviours amongst the people involved in this process, including my peers. Some are co-operative, whereas quite a few are outright protective, drawing clear lines and making sure they are mentioned in all the achievements recorded. I suppose these are survival mechanisms but during such times, we really see the best and the worst of people.

• Met my ex-boss (whom I would call a friend now) for lunch yesterday. She asked me about my work and whether I have any intentions to leave my current job. I shared my dilemma - that I have never felt more uncertain given the pandemic, the job market and the need for everyone to be agile and to reinvent themselves (digitally). Yet, on the other hand, I am happy with my current role and managing things well, even sharing and coaching my peers and giving my boss the fullest support I can. I just contribute, and don't give a hoot to the many politics around me. She made a very interesting observation and comment - that over the last 5 years, I've grown tremendously and that at some point, I may find myself more competent than my boss. She added that I am happy where I am and I don't feel threatened cos at this stage of my life, I just want to get by and not get engaged in unhealthy politics and competition that can be very draining. I didn't see that coming, but I think she sees me pretty clearly, from afar. 

• Posted a topless pic of myself in Grindr two days ago as I was also curious about my "market value" hahaha. Totally not me to post such pics but I thought - for the fun of it, why not? lol. And so I posted a selfie I took during a hike in the jungle. Sweaty and tired looking, definitely not the best of me, I must say. But within 24 hours, I had over 720 views and lots and lots of taps and messages (over 50 to be exact). People who texted me ranged from 19 to their mid-60s, with the median being in the mid-late 30s. Many addressed me as uncle or daddy and a lot propositioned directly, some went as far as describing how they would pleasure me and even sent me pictures of their body and dick. Kinda surprised with all these responses. So, I still have my "market value"... lol!

Last but not least, 

• No other persons piss me off more than Donald Trump. The very sight of him angers me. Very strong words and not me to utter such sentiments. I guess I felt this way because his values, his selfishness, his unethical behaviour and his views about things are totally against what I have been brought up to believe in. Woke up this morning and read an article in New York Times (or was it AP) and I thought the writers argued quite well why he behave the way he did. The article centred around the word "Loser". I am just (super) glad to see him go.

Ok, think I'll get back to my work...

:-)

Counting down

It's might as well that we are counting down to 2021. The year slipped by so quickly and it's really a blur when I tried to think through all the things that happened this year. 

It's probably not right to say it's uneventful. After all, we had a global pandemic, a global lock down, elections both in Sg and in the States (and many more countries), a total change in how we work, how we lived, how we interact... but all these seemed to be a total blur amidst the doom and gloom of the pandemic. Nonetheless, with the impending close of 2020, we must make space to reflect on what we have learned, and above all, be thankful to people around us. And it's a reminder too that I must start to think about my annual end-of-the-year blog. 

While I'm pessimistic about things getting back to how they were pre-COVID, the arrival of 2021 would certainly have a major impact on many psychologically. Let's continue to stay positive. As the Chinese saying goes - 明天会更好! Or perhaps, more appropriately, 明年会更好!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We don't celebrate Thanksgiving on this side of the globe. But, to my friends over in the States,

Happy Thanksgiving! 

2020 is an awkward year and I am really looking forward to 2021. One month more to go. And for now, let's focus on giving thanks to the people that matters, and of cos, to 2020 for reminding us how important it is to focus on what matters most to all of us - family, friends, relationships... and health.

Stay safe everyone!

Gabapentin

Recently, for some reasons, I lost control of my right hand. It started with some pains in my right shoulder that refused to go away. And one evening, after 2 weeks, I started to feel general weakness over my whole right arm. The weakness spreaded to my hand and within a couple of minutes, I couldn't move my last 2 fingers. It was a scary experience. It took a while before the pain wore off and I slowly regained control of my arms and my hands again.  

I checked in with my specialist who suspected my cervical spondylosis had worsened and that I might be experiencing the effects of nerve impingement. Had gotten an MRI and a nerve test arranged in the coming weeks. And for now, I've been given medication to sooth my nerves (literally)... a series of Vitamin Bs and Gabapentin. My mum used to take Gabapentin for her pains. And now that I'm taking it, I begin to realize how sleepy it makes me. But I'm not complaining cos it helps me sleep really deeply. Kinda "enjoying" it.

:-)

Dreams dreams dreams

Have been having rather weird dreams lately. Some of the more vivid ones include:

• I was in a situation where I was leaving (some thing or some where), and had board a car with someone. And as the car move, I saw my mum by the road side. She was just standing there and I was deeply aware that if I did not stop and connect with her, I will never ever have the chance to do so again. And so, I stopped the car and rushed out to hug her. She didn't speak but hugged me back. The dream was so vivid and the hug felt so real. I couldn't recall how the dream ended. I woke up. Everything in the dream was black and dark.

• In the dream, my nephew and niece visited me (?), and everyone (not even sure who) commented how much they have grown. And for some reasons, everyone gave all the attention to my niece but not my nephew. Seeing my nephew being left out, I reached out to hug him. What was weird about the dream was that even as I was deeply aware I had not met them for a couple of years (and that they had grown up), the two of them appeared rather similar to when I last met them but looked somewhat different.

• I was crazy over one rather popular local actor and he seemed to like me a lot too. In one particular scene where we were walking, he held my hands tight. It felt so sweet. And in another moment, we were relaxing in a couch and my head rested on his thighs. The whole feeling was rather warm. Weirdly, there was another person in the dream who was trying so very hard to gain the affections of this popular actor. His presence was somewhat a distraction although it didn't bother two of us. Everything in the whole dream was white.

These were some of the more recent dreams. There were many many more...

Finally

Yes! Finally, we have a qualified & decent person for the top office. Been too long.

Congratulations!

Jiang Ziya 姜子牙

Caught this show two weekends ago and was simply blown away by the graphics. 

Jiang Ziya is a real character in ancient China and is well documented in Chinese history books. He is also one of the central figure in the Chinese mythologies and deitified as one of the highest level deity in Taoist beliefs. And not many people realised that in modern Chinese art, he is depicted as an old man sitting by the river holding a fishing rod. Watching this movie really brings me back to my childhood where I hear stories about these gods and deities. And oh, I found it rather amusing how the new generation of story tellers in China incorporate elements of very human traits/ behaviours into these characters - like how they showed Jiang Gong is somewhat of an OCD.  

Super liked this animation!

Bated breath

I watch, with deep interest, news about the competition between the 2 men. The outcome will affect the world directly, including me. Have seen how the world changed over the last 4 years. And it makes me worry what it will become if we have another 4 of the same. But it’s not within my control.

The characters, personality, and most importantly, the values of these 2 persons are so starkly different. I thought the choice is clear, but apparently it is not, looking at how things are panning out. The outcome might still swing the wrong way. Something is just not right. Is it the process? Or is it the electorate? Or a combination of both? 

Less than a week more to go. Regretfully, I expect a couple of months of uncertainty.

Finally!

I have finally cleared the eye doctor, gotten my eye prescription and made my new pair of specs! You don't know how challenging it had been for me over the past couple of months to go around like a blind person, and wearing a pair of progressive lens that has its coating totally washed off, and that allowed only a blurred view to me. 

The last time I thought my appointment was due (and that was 2 months ago), the hospital had to postpone my appointment to last week. And last week, my appointment clashed with the rehearsal of my major event and I had to pushed it back further. When I called the hospital, the operator told me the next earliest date they could give me was next May. Thankfully, someone cancelled their appointment today and I managed to get myself slotted in instead. 

So my review will be in a years time. And my new pair of glasses will be ready in 7 to 10 days. It will set me back $1200, but I supposed it's worth the price - Porsche, titanium, new design, progressive lenses, multi-coated and with protection against blue light. 

Looking forward to it!

One major event down

I have finally completed one major event. It was nerve wrecking throughout the global event and Murphy did strike many times during both days. But thankfully, we managed to pull through. Despite the many hiccups, I was glad things panned out relatively ok (objectively). And there were positive comments and complements from participants. I supposed as organisers, we sometime tend to be a little too harsh on ourselves, especially when things do not happen the way we planned for it to be. But these are all invisible to the participants. I need to be less harsh on myself and my team. Must learn to chill more.

For now, I am really exhausted. But I cannot take a break for too long. I need to get back to the thick of another project that we will be launching globally in less than 10 days. We've been working on the pre-work since June and everything seemed relatively smooth so far. And today, even as I start to complete the post-event activities, I have to jump straight (back) into the project. No time to lose. Have not given it the attention it needed over the last 2 weeks.

And after that, it will be budgeting and planning for next year. And this will take the next 2-3 months.

Wish me luck.

Burnt out

It's been very overwhelming at work lately and I'm near breakdown. Am not managing things well and am feeling totally burnt out. 

You see, I have a very small team of 2 permanent staff and 2 interns and one of the permanent staff had gone on maternity leave. The person hired to cover the maternity is a good person, but being new and unfamiliar with the company processes and culture, I have to many a times double up and guide him in his daily work. At times, I need to go through minute details with him such as selecting photos and videos for an event video (cos he cannot recognise who's who and which photos or videos to select). 

My other perm staff is also managing another global initiative that involves hundreds of stakeholders and my leadership presence and guidance is heavily needed. And as if this is not enough, I'm also almost single-handedly organising a global summit - held virtually for the first time - that involves hundreds of key leaders across the group entities around the world. And I've to do everything - from conceptualizing to designing to co-ordinating to invitations etc. 

To make it worst, I have been placed on a leadership program that takes up almost half my time at work. Too many things going on and all these are happening at the same time. And it’s one major event after another, non-stop since the start of the year. And my boss recently "volunteered” me to be part of a project team to organise some farewell for a retiring top management leader. I told her I cannot cope and am totally overwhelmed as it is, and that I request to be taken of this new project. I added that I am currently feeling totally burnt out. 

And her response?

• I will let you off for now. Once your other project ends, I will rope you in again. 

and to my burnt out, she simply said:

• Don't stress yourself. 

Erm... frankly, it’s most discouraging to have a boss say this like as though I’m the one that’s causing my current state of being. I don’t usually, or rather, have never raise any white flags until now. And for her to so nonchalantly and insensitively wave off my shout out for help, it’s most discouraging. I almost wanted to just throw two days ago when she said all these.

Quiet...

Have been quiet, not becos of anything but I'm quite frustrated with the new interface of blogger and am having a lot of difficulty trying to blog from my laptop...

Negative

Came down with a sore throat yesterday and went to the clinic to do a check. The doctor referred me for a swab test and placed me on 5-day medical leave. Was given specific instructions that until the swab test is out and that I am tested negative, I will have to stay at home and quarantine myself for 5-days. 

Got the results through my health-app today indicating that I'm free of Covid-19. Glad I'm able to resume my normal daily activities! And importantly, need not be quarantined at home over this weekend! 

:-)

Scope Review

I went for the review of the gastric scope I did sometime back. So I have what the doctors called intestinal metaplasia. The doctor said it is not something I should be too worried about now but said it could possibly develop into stomach cancer eventually. Then again, it might not. So she suggested I consider doing another scope 3 years down the line. Separately, I was asked if I would be keen to be part of the hospital's research on this condition, which I agreed. 

I got a call from the research office a couple of hours later. The co-ordinator explained all the stuff I would be subjected to for the studies that will stretch over the next 5 years. These include blood extraction and tests, more regular scoping (as early as next year) to see the condition and to determine the deterioration rate, and should it develop into cancer, they will treat me early. The co-ordinator added that if detected early, stomach cancer can be cured. Also, she added that I will also be regularly reviewed and if the condition improve, I might be removed from the program... 

So yeah... this is what I've agreed to. Let's see how things go.

POL - Learning & Reinventing

I am in my 50s.

Years ago, when I was a kid, I was told I will be successful in life once I get a degree. I will be able to get a good job, marry a good wife, have a good family, and so on and so forth. I was  brought up to believe that a degree is the end all and the only thing I need for my life to be good. Getting a degree became one major focus, and for that matter, it was not just about pursuing a degree, it was to get a good degree. And so, with only a very vague view of what the world was like, the pursue of a good life boiled down to one basic principle - study hard, get good grades, go to university (and get a good degree).

Teachers back then were highly respected and parents listened to them. After all, they were the gateway to all information. It was the time where internet was not available and information was scarce. School life was very regimented and studies were very focused on getting good grades. The education system focused on developing my cognitive abilities, particularly in the areas of science, English and mathematics. On the other hand, my parents (primarily my mum) shaped my values in life. I grew up a very “typical” product of the Singapore education system. 

Looking back, I had taken a path shaped by what’s available and what people asked me to do. It wasn’t based my career aspirations. For that matter, the idea of career aspirations was vague. At that time, it seemed like everyone wants to be a doctor or a lawyer. And so, like many of my peers, I went for medical school interview but didn’t make it. I eventually became a military person, almost primarily because I needed the money to get a degree. And that kinda fix me for the next decade or so. In the military, my career progression was very structured and everything was planned for. And for many of us, we only had one aim - to work hard, do well and get promoted. Post-service life was not something we need to pay too much attention to. Just focus on doing well in your work. Duty Honour Country - that was the mantra that was regularly in the forefront of our thought processes.

What I went through back then was totally different from what I am experiencing now. In the corporate world, changes occur at a lightning speed. Expectations are different. You have to work hard constantly to stay relevant or your are out. Expectations from leaders are also different as they were shaped by a hugely differently environment during their growing up years. To stay relevant, one needs to constantly learn, unlearn and relearn and remain constantly on his toes and to be aware of new and upcoming trends so that he can be ready for it. Our earlier mindset of working hard in the early decade of our working life, climb the corporate ladder and take things slower in our latter parts of our career is no longer valid. For many of us, we have learned (or forced) to adapt, even if we had to struggle through it. Learn, unlearn, relearn... that’s the order of the day. But for many others, they have given up and fallen out of the race, choosing to take things slow, do social service, volunteer, etc. And this reminds me of something more fundamental - Charles Darwin - Survival of the Fittest. And another chinese phrase - the waves pushes the earlier waves (that has weaken).

Ok, I’ve been rattling non-stop. Unstructured thoughts that just flow. But it does reflect my frustrations of having to constantly struggle to keep up with the rat race...

POL - Investments

I am in my mid-50s.

When I was a kid, I was taught to always save for the future. And the more you save, the better your future will be. If you have money, put them into the bank, earn interest and your money will grow. And when you are old, you can take out the money to enjoy your old age. So the saying went, back then. That, I supposed, was the very simplistic mindset of my parent's generation. Now, that thinking, simplistic as it might be, was not wrong per se. In fact, there's a lot of wisdom in it. But now, such logic doesn't hold anymore as unstated assumptions have changed. Interest rates cannot, and do not, keep up with inflation rates. But that was how I was brought up. And, I believe, shaped my attitudes towards investments. When it comes to investments, my preference is to do a purchase and leave it for the long term. I do not actively monitor the fluctuations in the value, assuming that over time it will appreciate. And this is what I have done with my current condominium. I had purchased it in 1996, with the view to live in it and to sell it and move into public housing when I am near retirement. The logic behind this approach is that the asset would have appreciate significantly and that I will be able to liquidate it to sustain my quality of life, until I am 70, or 75 (when I expect to expire). The "near retirement" age where I had plan sell my property would be 55-60 years old.

On hindsight, this thinking was a tat naive. The price of my property happened to be on the high side when I first purchased it in 1996 before the financial crisis hit. That was when there was a huge frenzy in purchasing properties cos everyone had expected the property market to spin out of control. When the property bubbles burst and in the depth of the financial crisis that subsequently happened, many got suffered heavy losses as they had to sell their property after losing their jobs. The price of my property dropped to half the price I bought. If i had sold it at that time, I would have been burned terribly badly - even if it was what people called - paper money. Thankfully, I had a stable job that allowed me to tide over the crisis. Things stabilised eventually. With time, the markets recovered, and property prices had gradually increased over time. I have since cleared my housing loans. The price of my property is some 20% higher than when I had bought it (in 1996). But objectively, if I were to include inflation, interests, etc, I will still be making a loss. But well, I started off naively in the 90s when I was in my 20s. I have learned much about the basics of investments but it is still not really my cup of tea. 

Today, I need to review my plans to downgrade when nearer to my retirement age of 55 - 60 years old. I am, once again, reminded of other factors such as increase in life expectancy, improvements in medical science, increase in health costs, retirement age, etc. And just like how I need to rethink/ reframe my retirement, I have to do the same with how I can manage my property (or my assets in general). So, whether I can, or want to sell my current property and to move into public housing, or to purchase another property to create passive income in future, etc, needs rethinking. This medium to longer term thinking will definitely impact my immediate plans for my current house - should I renovate it, how much to renovate, or a simple refresh... hmmm, such thoughts is confusing, especially when you don't know when you are going to expire. I certainly don't want to end up as a person who focus on saving for the future and, in the process, fail to live a good life. But where do I start? Frankly, I don't even want to start. 

Life was so much simpler when you are younger. Agree?

Or am I just thinking too much?

Hmmm...

POL - Retirement

I am in my mid-50s.

When I was a kid, I was told that a person will have to work and slog up to 55 years old and he will retire. When that happens, he can no longer work because the law doesn't allow him to do so. And once he retires, he will be able to enjoy his golden years relaxing, go for holidays, relax and so on. That was the dream of many of my parent's generation. And that was how many of lived their lives. Many things have changes since then. For a start, we do not legally retire (stop work) at 55 now. Today, the legal retirement age is 62, and in a couple of years, it will be increased to 65. I will not go into the reasons why this is being done. There are many reasons, all of which are valid and important. And I believe amongst these includes reasons such as a lower birth rate and a longer lifespan. And so, the legislation have been adjusted to allow people the option to work longer. And with this change, many lament that their dream of retiring early is no longer possible. And many blamed the government on all the possible reasons they can think of. Fair or not, it doesn't matter. For me personally, I have my own views and I am glad I can work longer actually.

You see, my life's financial planning has always been based on my assumption that I will die in my mid-70s. This may not be so true now. These days, people talk about living to 90, or even 100! If this holds true, all my assumptions of the resources I need to live a comfortable life (till the day I die at 75) are no longer valid. Instead, I have to now plan for a later death (ya, it sounds morbid, but that's the very practical angle to it). And that is serious. I means I have to now look towards how I can stretch my dollars for another 15-25 years. It also means I cannot retire at 55. And this means I may need to even work till I am 70 or even longer - way past my legal retirement age of 65. This is a very practical approach to retirement - retirement as a function of planning for life. But given the way things are changing, the thoughts of having to keep reinventing to remain relevant in order to survive the rat race. Sighs, just thinking of it makes me feel very tired.

But on the other hand, I also frankly cannot see myself not working after 55 or for that matter, 65. People have been known to wilt and suffer all sorts of issues once they retire. Work allows me to continuously sustain a certain level of mental engagement and that keeps me alive. And because I have years of head start and have sufficient resources saved, I would want to continue working to sustain myself rather than work to build a reserve. And with this in mind, I tell myself I want to continue working for as long as I can. The "I want to" is important. My previous definition of retirement - where one will have to stop working (becos of legislation) and go enjoy life, go on holidays, sleep late, etc - was simply too naive. Retirement is, to me now, a state of mind. I can be working but I can choose to or not to partake in the rat race, choose to do what I want to do, enjoy my work life and yet be able to do it at a pace that suits my lifestyle. With the reframed definition of retirement, a clear end date of my work life becomes irrelevant.

And certainly, with this reframing of the definition, it does provide me a better position to remind myself to not take things so seriously and live a better balanced life. Work will never end. Agree?

Hmmm...

Perspectives of life...

I have all my life planned to transition to public housing when I'm in my fifties. This is on the assumption that with the monetisation of the condo, and the resources I have build, it should allow me to live reasonably ok and comfortably until I die. And of cos, the biggest assumption of it all is that I will die in my mid-70s.

Thing is, life doesn't always happen the way you have planned it. There are many variables that change over time and these changes will screw up your plans. These include inflation, advances in medical care, improved live expectancy, etc. And certainly, looking at where I am now, I am certainly very far from what I have envisioned. I need to review my plans.

I will spend a bit of time reflecting about this in my next couple of posts...

No travelling 2020

Given the current pandemic that is still flaring up all over the world, it really looks like there will be no overseas travels until next year at least. Also, I came to understand that the cost of future air travels are going to be exorbitantly high. And if accommodation cost, assuming will be cheaper, is not able to compensate for the increased air fare, I will certainly think twice before I travel. So, all in, it seems like traveling for me will not occur anytime soon...

Sighs... I really miss travelling.

The Rise of the Dragon

You cannot stop it and you see it coming. And truth is, the re-emergence of China as a world power has been greatly enhanced by Trump.

Trump has been a huge catalyst for the destruction of the current world order as we know it and after 4 years of his (lack of) leadership, America is a lot weaker in the eyes of the world. The chaos Trump had created, domestically and globally, is unprecedented in modern history post-WWII. So much for his MAGA war cry, his promise to drain the swamp, his self-proclamation (and delusion) that only he alone can solve all of Americans problems. America used to be seen as the dream country, land of opportunities, and highly respected and acknowledged as the leader of the world in many fields. All these are have eroded and no longer true now.  

China, on the other hand, has held steady and calm amidst the chaos of international politics. She has held consistent her policies and against all the negatives the western world had framed against her. XJP has consolidated and solidify his position in China and China’s position in the world. The firmness and oneness in how China has managed the pandemic allowed the pandemic to be controlled quickly. And in quietly reaching out to assist the different countries during this period, China has quietly strengthened its position as a world leader. 

Ok, this post is a tat random...

Getting bored

Truth be told - I find myself getting a little bored with working from home.

No, it's not that I do not like working from home. I do. Working from home allows me a lot a lot of flexibility in managing my time and gives me a lot of space to do what I want whenever I want. I need not be stuck in my office to attend meetings etc. But I do feel the pressure to be visible - both to my bosses as well as to my team. Anyone feel the same?

Or am I thinking too much? I am one who loves to be free yet thrive in an environment where I am constantly challenged and performing. Contradicting? And much as I love to be free, I get uncomfortable if I feel I am not sufficiently challenged and visible. Or is it a simple case of me having too much time to myself currently? 

Hmmm...

Half Year Check-in

It's July and it's amazing how time simply fly pass without us realising. Maybe it is an age thing cos when I was a little boy, time always seemed to be at a stand still - Chinese New Year takes forever to come by, so did Christmas, and major festivals, etc... anyway, we are now in the second half of 2020 and I think it is useful to take a quick look at how I have been since 2020 started. Let's see...

Health-wise, I certainly have had many things going on. Heart's ok and stabilising, kidneys ok and to review in a year's time, done my dental check-up (it is a big deal for me cos after my heart stenting and ablation, I had been a little more careful about such checks), prostate cancer check - cleared, backaches lessened, etc... so in short, kinda stable and good. And I would want to attribute this, in a huge way, to the increased walking that I did over the last couple of months. It had kept my weight down, provided me a lot of space to reflect and in doing so upkeep my mental well-being. I sleep a lot better too.

Ironically, my overall well-being improved because of COVID-19. You see, with the COVID-19, all of us had been forced to work from home. And this brings me to the topic of work. This year, since Feb, we had started to organize ourselves into smaller teams and work in different sites. And since Apr, we were asked to work from home. The initial weeks were stressful but we eventually adapted to it. Now, I find myself having a lot more flexibility to manage my time and my stress levels. And as a company, we are now more used to working remotely and many systems and infrastructure are now better placed to support us. We are now rather adept in using technology to interact, collaborate and to work. So yeah, it's good from the work front.

On the family and friends front, things had come to a stand still of sorts due to the circuit breaker (or the limited lock down). There's reduction in face-to-face interactions but as adaptable human beings, my sister and I as well as my friends are I are getting used to interacting over digital platforms. My friends and I do interact via zoom once a while and this helped us maintain a certain sense of normalcy even as we stay apart. I have, since the opening up in mid-June, met up with most people closest to me. We are still limited to no more than 5 pax per meet up, but positively, it allowed the meet ups to be more personal and intimate.

I started off this year with a desire to "keep things simple, be happy, and keep my health in check". And so, I would want to say, YES, indeed, things are a lot simpler, and my health is in a good state, all thanks - ironically - to COVID-19.

:-)

Weight Management

I have increased my walking intensity over the last 2-3 months and I have thus far lost almost 7-8kg. But lately, I have also noticed my weight loss has plateaued off. I don't seemed to see a dip even as I have increased the distance walked daily. Anyway, will continue at it. I might need to consider doing some other exercises. And oh, lately the whether has been hovering about 26C and it is really pleasant to walk in this cool weather. 

Perfect.

Election is OVER!

With the election over, things are cooling down and life is getting back to normal. It doesn't matter to me the fact that the opposition won another GRC or that they have increased their voter base. It matters to me that I can get on with my life.  Here're a few things that I am very aware of, and had been confirmed again, whenever election season comes about:

• Long lost friends would suddenly remember you and spam you with all sorts of messages (most of which are fake and emotional) to discredit some politicians or political parties (esp the ruling party) and to try to get you to vote for the opposition. Doesn't matter for the fact that many of the messages are fake and had been forwarded umpteen times.

• Old flames will appear and chat with you about how things would be if we were to be together, etc and then very quickly, the conversation would turn to discrediting some politicians and/ or political parties (esp the ruling party) and idolising about the opposition.

• Uncles, aunties and cousins would text you with emotional stories about how the politicians from the incumbent government are "lying" about dishing out monies to people and keeping monies for themselves. One of my cousin said an MP was lying when she said the average amount of money spend per capita for COVID-19 is 23K cos she (my cousin) only received $600. She obviously didn't take into consideration the context of when the speech was made and she obviously and conveniently forgot about the thousands of support schemes put in place to ensure Singaporeans are protected during this period.

• And needless to say, all the alternative voices / media, etc will go on non-stop about all sorts of news, including lots of old news (politician's pay, CPF, education, succession, etc) to discredit the current ruling party, while glorifying everything and anything about the opposition parties and politicians, regardless of the many instances where these oppositions have fallen short of expectations.

And with elections over, everything has suddenly gone quiet. Friends, ex-lovers, relatives all somehow start to disappear again. It's like as though we just woke up from a dream. But of cos, the alternative media will continue to go on and on and on... like a broken radio. And oh, I forgot to mention, amidst all these, gay men in social media will talk about which MPs are cuter than who, who is more charming, who has a larger bulge, etc...

Roll eyes.

Scam

I strongly believe some one wanted to cheat me and that I would have been scammed had I not been observant. Here's the story...

Couple of days back, somebody texted me in Grindr. Now, I don’t usually reply people as my main reason to be in Grindr is to know who’s around me. But for some reasons, I replied him. He seemed like a friendly enough guy. And that’s how the conversation with this person started. He’s a very decent person, sane, sorted and friendly. He said he's Korean, grew up alone in S Korea after his both parents passed away. He was brought up by his grandmother and had a happy childhood etc... he said he was educated in NYU and is now working in Singapore on a 2-year contract. He added he works in Tuas (western end of Singapore) and is an engineer in the oil rig industry etc. He then requested for my whatsapp number, which I gave. I got a text from him using a US number with a 917 area code. I thought it was weird that he didn’t use a local number since he’s been working for over a year here but didn’t asked further.

The conversation went along well. He would text me in the morning, disappear for the day and text me again in the evenings. And each time he text, he would send me his pics. Thought this behavior was weird. Two days into the conversation, his profile in my Grindr disappeared. I asked him about it but he didn’t answer. And the next morning, he said he might be activated to Dubai as they had some issues there. A few hours later, he texted me with a pic of him, saying he had just arrived at Dubai and was gonna take a shower. Now, this was when I started to suspect this chap. Firstly, traveling during this lockdown period is almost never heard of. I google about travel arrangements into Dubai and noted that although they are out of the lockdown period, they are still very restrictive to international biz travelers. And because I had been Dubai before, I know exactly the challenges of making traveling arrangements to get there. My suspicion started to grow but I didn’t pursue further.

The next day (yesterday) he send me a text in the morning saying he will be going out to do some site survey. It was weird cos in Dubai's time, it would be 4-ish in the morning and doing site survey at 4-5am doesn’t make sense. And a couple of hours later, he send me quite a few pics of his boat trips. The pics was quite a surprise frankly, and I entertained him and continued chatting with him. Still feeling suspicious, I asked which hotel he is staying in and he said Grand Hyatt. It was weird that a person would be put up in a 5-star hotel during a company trip. Anyway, the conversation has started getting a little uncomfortable for me as he had started addressing me Baby, Honey and what have you. I wanted to test this guy further and asked him for his last name. He said it was Cheung. And this was a total giveaway. Cheung is a cantonese surname. Koreans don't use Cheung. Koreans use Jung. But well, I kept quiet. 

Today, he texted me again and tell he bought some gifts for me and asked me for my address. I rejected him and told him if he is keen on being friends, I would prefer for it not to involve any gifts. He said I made him look stupid. In response, I told him I expect him to respect me and my wishes to keep things simple and with no gifts involved. He pressed hard but I refused. In the end, he relented. I knew how this conversation is gonna go and was ready for it. I went on to google his area code 917 in NYC and learned that it's an old area code started in the 90s. It is not issued to new applicants. He claimed to be 35 years old and it would not be possible for him to have studied there in the 90s. Some minutes later, he send me another text, asking me to purchase iTunes USD500 Apple e-Card or something and send it to him... so yeah, this is the final straw.

I blocked him.

Preventing COVID-19

One key principle, Four key practices:

- Be responsible

- Wash your hands

- Wear a mask

- Avoid crowded places

- Practice physical distancing

It's as simple as that! Now, what's so political about that?

Mental well-being

Working from home can make a person feel very isolated and detached given the lack of personal face-to-face contacts with people and teams. This feeling can be reinforced especially when people live alone or away from families.

So if you know someone who is in such situations, please reach out to him/ her, even if it's just a simple "hi", “all ok?” or "how are you?". Such check ins may be simple, but you never know how much it means to those who are living alone, or worst, living with others, but feeling lonely.

Go on, do a simple check in.

Do magic!

Stomach scope

I did a scope of my stomach yesterday. It was an interesting experience not much different from my colonoscopy procedure some time back, except that this time I didn't have to clear my bowels over 3-4 days.

Anyway, it was a day procedure and everything was settled within the day. Apparently, the doctors found something abnormal and they have extracted a small bit of my stomach tissue for biopsy. Will know the result in a month's time.

And oh, I did a cancer marker test during a urologist visit recently and was told that if they find anything nasty, they will contact me, usually within 24 hours. Well, I didn't get a follow on call from the hospital. I guess I must be ok. Let's see how this go and hope for the best.

Que sera sera.

Horrifying developments

I've been following news from US, UK and China lately (in my attempt to avoid local news due to elections) and it's really worrisome to see how the COVID-19 is spiking in the Americas. The trend of new cases recorded daily is scary. And this morning I woke up to a sudden jump of more than 51k cases in the US.

I wish my friends in US all the best. Please stay safe, wear a mask, keep your social distance and continue to practice highest levels of personal hygiene.

Black Spots

Went for my eye review 2 days ago and was told my left eye (that had bad conjunctivitis) needs further treatment as there are spots seen on the cornea. This probably explained why the vision of my left eye was bad... for now, had to administer steroids as well as antibiotics for the next 3 weeks.

Reading Foreign News

Have recently downloaded foreign news apps including those of CNN, BBC, New York Times, South China Morning Post, etc. Interesting to see the different focus of news coverage and the perspectives being shared. And in a huge way, it help me better appreciate the calmness I see in Singapore.

Saving & Protecting People

Just thought I'd capture some ways the government is doing to protect people/ jobs from the effects of the Covid-19 during the period - Singapore style. I will just type what comes to mind and so this post may sound a little incoherent... but here goes:

• Implementing schemes to cover a certain % of citizen's pay so that companies do not retrench citizens
• Implementing schemes to help companies employ and retrain new staff (e.g. retrenched staff, older citizens)
• Implementing placement programes to assist citizens find jobs 
• Implementing programs to place new university graduates into companies to ensure we do not end up having a "lost" generation 
• Facilitate temporary mass-job placements for those affected (e.g. many in the aviation industry such as cabin crew and ground staff are now working as caregiver in hospitals and social distancing ambassadors at public places to ensure social distancing)
• Setting up job coaching/ placement offices across the different estates
• Implementing schemes to help Companies/ SMEs mitigate losses (including rental reimbursement, staff costs, etc)
• Providing citizens & households with top ups/ financial support to mitigate livelihood-related expenses (e.g. utilities, transport)
• Distributing masks (at least 3 rounds executed over last 3 months) to the populace 
• Increase capacity in contact tracing, conduct test for all vulnerable groups and personnel involved in frontline/ critical functions & eventually expanding testing to the larger populace
• Reinforcing public education about the pandemic and how to stay safe
• Encouraging those with symptoms to get tested
• Covering the cost of testing as well as the quarantine for those found infected 
• Keeping communications open and transparent; and clamping down on fake news quickly 
• the list just go on and on.

Lots of programs being put in place both at the national and at the local levels, and the co-ordination between the public and corporate sectors has been very tight and very co-ordinated. The current unemployment rate has increased but I am sure this number has been heavily mitigated due to the programs implemented. I don't think things will get worst, but well, you will never know. Let's keep our fingers crossed. For now, just have to don our mask, keep our distance, practice personal hygiene and let the government do the rest. 

Transition to New Norm?

We have ended the circuit breaker (CB) (Singapore's limited lockdown) period since 19 Jun and things are getting seemingly back to what we saw pre-CB. The markets and hawker centers are getting busy again, same for the roads, the parks, etc. But there are certain distinct differences now - most of us are now working from home, we have to don the mask when outside, we have to observe physical distancing, etc. 

The numbers of daily new infections have decreased to single digits amongst the community now. Even the number of daily new infections amongst the foreign workers have dwindled from mover a thousand daily to the low hundreds. The numbers certainly look very encouraging. And I can also see the many measures the government has put in place to protect citizens, to save jobs, and for those retrenched, to put in place schemes to retrain people. The mood, from my sensing, is still quite positive, thankfully.

As for me personally, the last week since the reopening had been somewhat uneasy too. And oddly, it was because I had gotten used to the CB routines - for work and for my personal life. So, the end of CB meant "new" routines, "new" arrangements, etc. I guess habits once established will need time to change. Have to constantly tell myself to keep my mind open and embrace change as it comes along - retain what's good for me (such as exercise routines), and to learn new skills wherever possible. That, perhaps, is the only way to keep myself sane, and sorted.

:-)

Upcoming Elections

And so it’s finally announced that the Writ of Election had been issued and Parliament dissolved. We will head to the polls on 10 July. It’s unprecedented to do an elections in the midst of a pandemic but thankfully the situation is very much in control and many measures have been put in place to ensure everyone’s safety as we head to the polls.

This upcoming 2 weeks will be challenging for me. I don’t like election period cos there are many very emotional voices that are often very personal and illogical, and behaviours that are downright unpalatable and ugly amongst many voters and politicians alike. And I find these very stressful.

So... I’m gonna totally switch off, stay away from anything and anyone that discusses politics. Will return after elections is over.

Grindr & Confidence

Today, I felt the power of confidence. And I decided to translate this confidence into an opportunity to put someone rude in place. I would not do such things usually as I’m not a confrontational person by nature. But I decided I should do it this time round. And I felt good doing so. Attractive, even. Here’s the story. 

You see, I had gone for a walk in the park near my estate and as always I took off my singlet and walked topless. I turned on my Grindr to check who's around me and I saw a couple of familiar profiles but I didn't really gave a hoot about their presence. I went on to do some static exercises and a message came in. I thought it was weird cos I don't usually get messages as it wasn't my habit to communicate with people in Grindr. I took a read and it went... 

"So fat still go topless" 

My first thoughts were - That’s so rude - and I replied: 

"Well as long as I'm comfortable, who cares if I'm fat or thin" 

I continued my exercise after wishing him well. But I thought my response didn’t feel right and I decided to indicate my displeasure. I added: 

"I hope this is not an attempt to humiliate me" 

And a little while later, I decided to go one step further to put him in place and added: 

"You have to learn some manners young man" 

I thought he had stepped over the line and at his age (he is 34 yrs old according to his profile), he should jolly well know how to be respectful. By using the term "young man", it allowed me, in a way, to express and exert my dominance over him. I feel very good. In no time, his message and profile disappeared from my screen - He blocked me. 

Lol! Never mess with this uncle.

PS: often, as gay men, we tend to be more conscious about how we present ourselves. We want to look good and project ourselves as attractive, at times even to the point of allowing people to step onto us (esp if the person is desirable). This is particularly so when we have the belief that we are inferior in certain aspects (eg physique, age, looks, etc). Not a good thing but well, that’s a fact. We just need to learn and to grow our confidence. Agree?

Grease

OMG! Turned on Spotify and it went on and on with songs from Grease! I literally became a little secondary boy all over again!

• Great Lightning
• Sandy
• You're the One that I Want...

It just went on and on! I was literally screaming away and boogieing to the songs as it played! And I was brought back to the days of Grease, Saturday Night Fever, YMCA, etc etc etc... what a way to start my Sunday!

Lol!

Funny Moments

I had had a procedure done on my right eye a week ago. And now my left eye is badly infected and swollen. My eye sight is badly compromised currently and here're 2 funny incidents to share.

Emailed wrongly

• I happily sent out an email for a meeting to a whole lot of colleagues. And within minutes, I got a reply from an unfamiliar name asking if she was required for the meeting. I then realised I had send the mail to a Mayee instead of Mayble. Thankfully, there was no classified information in the email. Got it corrected quickly.

Straining Mee Sua

• Before heading to the A&E yesterday, I decided to make myself a plate of dry fried mee sua (rice noodle). You see, just like spaghetti, you have to boil the mee sua for a couple of minutes before straining (sieve) it through a strainer. And as I did so, I wondered why the mee sua dropped into the sink instead of into the strainer. To my horrors, I realised that I had held the strainer upside down!

These incidents were funny, yet a little distressing. No? LOL! Anyway, I quickly went to the doctor after my lunch. For now, just have to rest my eye and hope the medication works.

:-)

Conjunctivitis & the young eye doctor

My left eye started having discharges 4-5 days ago. And the itch started after that. Three days ago, it started getting red and I got a little worried. This happened a couple of days after I had a procedure done on my right eye and it was not the best time to have this developing on my left eye. To make matters worst, more floaters started to appear in my right eye. It's a very unsettling feeling.

Yesterday, I decided to head to my family GP and he refused to treat me. He asked me to head to the hospital A&E immediately. Thankfully, it was nothing serious but a very bad case of conjunctivitis. Was given an antibiotic eye drop, a cleanser and moisturiser. Hopefully the viral infection can clear off soon. For now, it’s swollen and red and I am walking around using mainly my right eye.

Let me also share a bit about the eye doctor. He was the one who saw me last week. He's young, and well, very cute. But well, that is another story altogether. When he saw me again yesterday, the first impression he gave me was that of a grumpy person and that my visit was an inconvenience to him. And as he signalled me to enter his consultation room, his first words were: "come in, so what's the problem with you now?" I really thought this was totally off. But I simply smiled and did what he asked me to do.

As an ex-customer service trainer, I would have advised him to consider using a nicer tone and, perhaps, rephrased his greeting to "Hi Mr Sim, how have you been? So sorry to have to see you again (in context, this is a hospital). How can I help you this time?" Regardless of how familiar you may be with a customer, never assume he/ she appreciates you treating him/ her so casually. He/ She pays you your salary and the least you can do is to give him/ her the respect a customer should deserve. Secondly, never ever suggest a customer has a/ is the "problem". He/ She may have an issue that you can help, but never a problem.

So... yeah, I guess our medical staff, especially the younger ones, may need some customer service training. But yeah, let's hope he picks up some basic EQ/ customer service skills as he matures in his line.

PS: There was another young cutie doctor next door who kept staring me at even as he treated his patient. I have a very strong suspicion he is gay. Anyway, if I were a drama queen and any younger, I would probably be so head-over-heel with him. LOL.. Seemed like I am getting on with age, considering the fact that most of the medical staff seemed to look very young these days.

End of Lockdown

We have started the process of gradually opening up and this week marked the first week we are allowed back to work. Rather, back to clean our desk and then to head back home. We will continue to work indefinitely from home.

It was an interesting experience, heading back to office and chancing upon one or two of my colleagues. We all had to continue to don our face masks as we did so. And surprisingly, the office was really clean. Looked like the cleaning staff had done an exceptional job keeping the place spic and span. It was also really nice to be able to see the cleaning staff. And the lady that I always spoke with came up to me and greeted me enthusiastically. You can sense and see her enthusiasm even though she had her mask on.

"Hello Sir! How are you!. Haven't seen you for a while" that were her first words. I spared no time to return her greetings and also to wish her Selamat Hari Raya. She's Muslim and would have had her raya celebrations at home this year. I spoke with her for a while before heading to clean my desk. It was not long before several of the other support staff came to my office to say hello. Nice and warm. That is how I would describe my return to my office, even if it was for a short moment. For now, we are all back to to working from home. 

It would be perhaps another 6 to 9 months at least before we can head back to "the new norm".

I wish you Peace

I'm not sure what the f*** Trump is doing, adding oil to the fire, and I am concerned with how things are panning out in the US. 

Perhaps this is what you can expect for voting into office such a person although I believe his base will disagree with me. Sighs. I really hope some sense would prevail come Nov 20. For now, I shall reserve any further comments and watch from afar.

I sincerely wish my American friends peace.

Weight loss

There is a clear distinct difference between losing weight and slimming down.

Since the start of the circuit breaker, I had been doing my daily walks and observing my food intake. And I have lost about 6-7kg. And for a first time in a very long while, my weight has dropped into the 70s range. But regrettably, this does not mean I've gotten any slimmer! I continue to look just as fat! Sighs. Then again, and objective speaking, I am enjoying this new "lightness". These days, I have lesser backaches. 

And I am more comfortable doing my walks topless these days. I am one helluva vain uncle!

LOL!

Lawyer's Letter

And so, the lawyer's letter finally arrived. It was addressed to my car insurance company and I was in the cc. The taxi driver had claimed against me for medical cost amounting to about S$12,000. He claimed that he suffered injuries and that it was a direct result of my indiscriminate driving. It's easy to get emotional and upset over such allegations. But I kept calm, knowing that I had video evidence of the circumstances that led to the accident. 

Told myself this is the process that I must go through.

Let's see how matters pan out.

Fine?

I went to the central catchment area for a hike two weeks ago and as this is the lockdown period, all public car parks were closed. I decided to park by the road as a result. I came back to my car after a 3-4hr hike and found a notice of summon on my windscreen. It stated that I had parked at a "No Waiting" zone and that the LTA (Land Transport Authority) will send me the summon soon.

Two weeks passed and I finally received the letter over the weekend. I had expected a S$70 fine but to me surprise, it simply told me that "due to my good driving records", they will not be taking further actions against me and that I should take this as a friendly warning. Of course, LTA, being LTA, will always end off with "... we will not hesitate to la la la... if you were found to repeat this..." in future.

Well, what matters most is I didn't get the fine. And yes, I will make sure I do not park at the same spot in future. 

:-)

Lasering the Eye

It was indeed an interesting experience, and a little scary too. Was brought into the cubicle, asked to place my head on the chin rest and the next few steps was crazy...

The doctor placed a concave shaped probe that stuck onto the whole eyeball. And then he moved the probe and it felt it he was grabbing and in control of the eyeball. Was asked to look at different directions as he looked for the hole. It was rather uncomfortable as the probe had a blinding bright light that shone through it into my eye. Once he found the hole, he zapped it with laser. All in all about 6-8 zaps were applied. As he zapped, the eye felt like it was gonna explode. Scary shit.

But in no time, it was done. Initially, I couldn't see anything with my eye. But soon enough, the opaqueness cleared off and everything appeared red. Within 5 min, I regained full clarity of my vision. All done. Was told the floaters will still be there but the issue of the hole have been addressed.

Well, it was an interesting Saturday for me alright!

Housefly in Vision

One black speck appeared in my right vision 3 days ago. I had initially thought it was a housefly that refused to go away and constantly stayed at a specific corner of my eye. More specks appeared over last 2 days. Went to see CGH A&E this morning and was referred immediately to eye specialist.

After some investigations, the specialist found a small 0.5mm hole in my right retina. Have been scheduled for a laser treatment to close the hole this afternoon at 3pm.

It's hard not to admit my body is aging.

CB-"achievements"

We are into the sixth (?) week of the circuit breaker period (limited lockdown of the country) and during this period, I have made keeping fit one of the focus of my daily routines. I did not start off with this as an aim. Rather, walking is a mean to keep myself from getting bored and getting cabin fever.

I started walking around my neighbourhood in the evenings. I have alternate between brisk and leisurely walks so as to give my body the rest it needs in between. Soon enough, I started to made it a point to walk at least 10,000 steps a day. And on days where I did not manage to clock the 10,000 steps via my evening walks, I will make it up by going grocery shopping and walking around the mall just to fulfil the 10,000-step "target". Setting a target is such a motivator. With time, I started to walk further and further. And since a couple of weeks ago, I started to clock 11,000, 12,000 steps or more a day. 

Two days ago, I decided to see how far I can go. I left my place at 2-ish in the afternoon and walked till about 6pm. When I ended, I had clocked over 25,000 steps. And for the duration of the whole day, I managed to close slightly more than 29,000 steps, equivalent to 20-over km. Felt good about it. The last time I clocked 31,000 steps was about 3-4 years ago and I suffered body aches for a couple of days after that. This time round, I was surprised I didn't suffer the pains like I did previously. I supposed the regular walking helped condition my body.

Over the course of the last 5-6 weeks, I have also shed slightly more than 5kg off my body weight. It's nice to be able to do it. My belly is less pronounced now. It's good. But more importantly, I have less backaches these days. Maybe I should challenge myself to lose another 5kg? lol... Walking is a good way to lose weight, minimise backaches and put less stress on my back and my knees. And I sleep better. So yeah, what's more important is to be able to keep healthy.

I shall work hard to keep up with this routine.

PS: I shall attempt to go further than 29,000 steps today...

Lawyer’s letter - wtf

Ok, I didn’t actually get a lawyer’s letter. But it’s close enough...

I got an email from my car insurance agent asking if I had been injured. She was referring to my recent accident where a taxi crashed into my car head on while I was stationary. She explained that the taxi driver had engaged a lawyer (or his insurance agent) to make claims against me as he has suffered some bodily injury. Of cos I told my agent I didn’t suffered any injury nor made any police report (we didn’t have to if no injuries or public properties are involved). I re-explained the circumstances of the accident and asked her to refer to my dashboard video instead.

Wtf... it’s interesting how people can twist stories to their favour.

Thankfully there’s the video.

Let’s see how things go. 

Car Repaired

Finally gotten my car back. 

The total cost of the repairs amounted to close to S$7K. The repair man had replaced the front bumper, the front right panel, and several other parts. Also, as they had also disconnected the battery in the course of the repair, all the settings in the car had been affected. It felt totally different when I got into the car. And I had to get to know the car all over again...

Positively, the car looked almost brand new.

:-)