adjusted meds

earlier on, mum appeared more sleepy than usual and kept yawning as she watched the tv. and for once, we did not watch the chinese drama serial. instead, we watched malay shows on the local malay tv channel. and by about 9.15pm, she was already half dosing off.

despite that, i have increased the dosage of quetiapine (by 12.5mg) for mum. added to that, i gave her a tab of lorazepam to aid and deepen her sleep. i need to ensure she sleeps through the night uninterrupted by dreams (of my grandfather). hopefully when she wakes up tomorrow, she'll be less paranoid. will probably need a few days to get her to stabilise and for her relapse to recede. 

let's hope it works.

2 more days

i have 2 more days to go before the shock wave treatment.

admittedly, i have been feeling kinda neither here nor there (ambivalent) since i was told i needed to go through the treatment. and with the stone moving about a week plus ago, i started to get a little anxious. and this was becos on one hand, i hope the stone does not come out so that i could go through and experience the procedure; and at the same time, i could use the opportunity of the medical leave to take a good break from work. yet on the other hand, i am hoping that the stone comes out so that i can get on with life. but as of now, and with 2 days to go, this ambivalence has become somewhat of an anxiety. what if the stone decides to come out at the last moments? 

i supposed i should just relax and adopt the que sera sera attitude.

haha!

:-)

mum relapse

here we go again... mum's paranoia has started again.

returned from work and she gave me this weird look. i sensed something amiss. and true enough, after i ate my rice, she hurriedly asked me to close all the windows. and after that, she said she didn't want to head out of the house, which was unusual. and while watching tv, she pulled me aside and told me - the maid is a bad person. last night, your ah gong (grandfather) appeared in my dream and told me to be careful of her. she is up to no good and has been moving around the house and behaving in a suspicious manner. and as though it is not enough, she added, you don't believe me right? i am your mother and i won't lie to you... when you sleep tonight, you must make sure you lock your bedroom door.

ok, enough said. mum has gone haywire again. need to adjust her medications again. i really hope she will stabilise and get back to normal within these 2 days. i'll be undergoing my shock wave procedure in 2 day's time and i really do not need this to complicate things.

hmmm...

gardens by the bay 2

here're some of my thoughts about the gardens by the bay after visiting it yesterday...

• huge place, very beautiful
• eye opener, very impressive, especially on the massive scale of things
• wide range of plants, many that i have not seen before
• beautiful super trees that gave the avatar kinda feel, especially at night when the whole tree gets lit up 
• would be good to have some better sign postings

here're the negative areas...

• fall slightly short at the detailed levels, eg concrete pavements that came across as slip-shot when constructing
• would be good to have some better sign-postings
• toilets a bit dispersed and hard to find
• a little artificial, but of cos, it is a "garden" and not a nature reserve

on the whole, it still impresses and visitors leave the place happy.

:-)

gardens by the bay

was a superbly blah day... until i decided to do something different. i brought mum to the gardens by the bay. thought it would be a nice outing and yes, it turned out very well indeed! and mum certainly had a very good time admiring the flowers and the sights and sound. and interestingly, and perhaps a reflection of mum's negativity, she kept asking very negative questions throughout the visit. here're some of her questions...

• this is a huge place, will there be a lot of mosquitos at night?
• there are a lot of plants and trees, are there snakes?
• i do not see street lamps, will it be very dark and scary at night?
• i do not see shelters, if it rains, where will everyone go? i am sure everyone will get wet...

her line of question were rather negative. instead of seeing the trees, the flowers, the beauty, the sights and the sounds, her first attention was towards things that were rather negative. and it was until i kept reminding her of the flowers, the trees, and every other positive things before she started to enjoy herself. we ended the night with a good nice dinner.

not too bad an end to an otherwise very blah day for me!

:-)

blah day...

i had a super blah day today...

perhaps it was becos my bro and his family are suffering from a bout of flu and we were advised not to visit. and that left us with lots of time and not knowing what to do. i ended up doing nothing at home. well, of cos, nothing doesn't include giving sapphie a good cleaning of her ears, and a bath. but for reasons unknown, i was so tired, lethargic and sleepy. and i drifted in an out of sleep through the day.

i ended up feeling very miserable. i needed some distraction. i needed some attention. i needed to keep myself occupied. and it didn't help that bb didn't answer his phone. he was quiet the whole damned bloody day...

arghhh...

invention of love

this is a very sad story. but it brought out the point very clearly.

you cannot build love. you nurture it with your heart and soul.

:-)

r u going to pd2014?

common line of question for me yesterday with some of my friends...

friend:  are you going to pink dot?

me: nope

friend: why? come/ go la. come/ go and support.

me: for?

friend (something along the line of...): need to show support and make a statement.

me: i am gay and i do not need to make any statement to be myself.

conversation ended there and then.

well, till today, i have not seen the need to attend the event. there is no motivation for me to be there. would rather spend the evening in the quiet company of some friends and where i can be very comfortable. crowded events like this stresses me out. and this is no different from going to events like the chinese new year bazaar in chinatown. and so, i spend the evening having a nice quiet dinner with bee and a group of close uni friends. something that i hadn't had the chance to do for a long time. and it was a good nice evening.

but on a more gay-centric note, i do not see the need to be activistic about being gay. i do not see the need to make statements about my sexuality much as i do not expect straight people to scream out loud that they are straight. and i certainly do not want to remind myself of people i do not want to meet, people who had previously chided me for being "irresponsible" and "being a coward", and that i must (yes, the word is "must") tell my parents if i want to really come out. what rubbish. just because he is out loud and gay; and had told his mum about him being gay does not mean i have to do the same. he live his life, i live mine. so till today, whenever pink dot comes around, i still get reminded of this and still feel agitated.

but no, don't go about thinking i do not support pink dot. i support the freedom to love. but i just don't want to be reminded of people from my past and i don't want to stress myself out just becos of the need to show support. i will attend when there is reason enough for me to do so. 

i just want to be myself. 

caught in the nude

my neighbour is hokkien (ethnic group that originates from fujian province in china) (like me) and appreciates my cooking, which is predominantly traditional-hokkien- or peranakan-hokkien-based. he's a divorcee and lives alone in his unit (unless his girlfriend stays over, which is not very often). and so, whenever i cook anything special, i would make it a habit to pass some of it to him.

and that was exactly what i did today. i brought some of the glutinous rice i cooked over for him. as usual, he had left his kitchen door slightly opened. i could hear him preparing some food in his kitchen as i walked over. i peered in as i called out to him and... oops! he was standing there in the nude, preparing some food of course. my appearance caught him by surprise and he quickly ran in to put on a pair shorts before appearing again. heh heh... well, i was not too awkward about it and simply told him that that's what i would do if i were him. we had a good laugh over it.

heh... of cos, there's nothing sexual about it, just a very "man" thing. and i totally can appreciate it cos, as i said, i do the same when there is no one around at home. 

:-)

糯米饭

cooked the traditional hokkien glutinous rice (糯米饭) today.

lots of it! haha... guessed i overestimated the amount. so now i have a big wok of glutinous rice and only my mother, maid and i to eat. haha... gonna be a "santa claus" later and distribute the rice to people who knows how to appreciate such traditional fare!

haha!

distracting learners

something cheeky post before the friday ends.

as a trainer, it's hard not to be distracted when a learner came to class in with a very low-rise tight jeans and a very "high-rise" g-string. and this was even more so when the program involved activities that required the learners to sit on the floor, move around and reach for heights. haha...

happy weekend!

domino effect

there is clearly a domino effect happening, following the change of the top man in my set-up. apart of seeing the next layer leaving one-by-one, i am also seeing him bringing in his people at the minus-two level. we will be seeing more interesting developments.

i am sure.

trendy uncle

i decided to shed my conservative uncle image and be a trendy uncle today. i wore skinny topshop jeans and long sleeve casual shirt to work. added to that, i wore shoes and belt that matches the colours of my shirt checks. well, the colour combination was good, but considering i hardly wear earth tones, i myself felt a little foreign to this new look. but yeah, i thought i looked ok.

and after a while, i wondered if i looked like a pumpkin walking on a pair of chopsticks.

haha!

inspiring songs

these two songs were from my childhood days in the 1970s.

for the first song, it was one of the earliest that i could recall. it was from a movie that my mum brought me to watch and the song kinda got stuck in my mind after that. very inspiring song that encourages one to pick oneself up when one falls down.

for the second song, my eldest sis used to sing it when she was in her secondary school. it was also a song that my officer cadet school platoon used to sing as we marched along in camp. it is about how the singer wished she was like the seagull, searching for its goals and ideals as it soars higher and higher in the skies, and how she wished she could be as brave and strong as the seagull.

the lyrics of both songs are very inspiring. we don't have songs like these anymore these days.

and i have specifically dedicated these songs to my blog kawan (friend) chinese prick.

:-)

chinese prick

it is one thing to be mentioned in a person's blog, but it brings the whole response to a new level when someone dedicated a post to you. and this was what chinese prick did in his post. he sang and dedicated a song to me too, for that matter. felt so honoured, given the fact that he has never post any of his songs in english before and dedicated this to me. 

thanks cp. and whatever you are going through, do know that you are not alone. many of us have gone through very similar journeys before. it's a very humbling experience when you reach the point where you can be comfortable with yourself. at that point in time, when you look back, you will probably just smile and tell yourself how grateful you are to have been given the chance to take this journey. 

i am sure you will walk along life's journey just fine. 

i know cos i have walked it. 

:-)

death

once again, i had a "dreamful" night.

here're two that i vaguely recall.

first, my mum died.

second, something that i had suspected all these while was true.

cannot recall the details though...

preparing another transition

its time to update my résumé and look for a job...

my chief confided in me this afternoon about her impending resignation. to her, the relationship with the new top man is not working out. added to that, he has given her the direction to retain either her or the second man in the department. i had seen it coming and wasn't too surprise when she shared it with me. she sounded so apologetic about it but well, i assured her that i was ok with it and instead thanked the fact that our paths had crossed and that i was able to be part of her team. 

looks like it's gonna be all over again for me... but as she suggested, i should wait and see first and not rush to change anything. just need to hold onto the fort and see how things develop. for all i know, i might be able to continue serving this new top man. hmmm... then again, i have already more of less decided. even if i can work with the new top man, the person she will be handing over her duties to would be someone i probably will not be able to work with. 

i need someone who can lead decisively yet gives me the space to grow, and navigate. and this person is not one that fit such a description. and without sounding personal, i myself think my current company is a tat too small to be able to give me the opportunities to grow and the scope to really learn my trade. thus, in the longer run, it would be a wiser consideration to move when i am still in demand.

it's been a good year plus so far. let's see how i make the next half year or so an equally good one. there is no rush nonetheless. 

:-)

back to work

it was funny to get an sms from my boss last evening checking if i was well and whether i had had a good rest over the weekend. if i had not known her, i would have suspected she was checking on me and sussing out whether i had been malingering! anyway, after the initial few messages, she started using chinese and said something along the lines of - you have been taking care of everyone around you all these while, it is time for you to take care of yourself now... and after a few further messages, the sms-conversation ended with - you can only take care of your mum only if you are well. i really didn't know how to respond to her further other than thanking her.

i went back to work today and everyone in the office was kinda surprised to see me. many asked - how come you come back to work? and i could only lie to them that i was bored staying at home. the conversation ended there. these are just simple responses to such courtesies. they are no different from those "hi how are you?" kinda questions. often, such courtesies do not need any responses. a "good, thanks" would do perfectly fine. heh... 

and the day ended with almost everyone, including my boss, reminding me to not go back to work tomorrow if i should feel unwell. i must admit that it felt a little weird to get such attention from my boss and colleagues. it's still the first in my whole working life (of about 3 decades). 

then again, it felt very nice and warm.

:-)

tuina

my boss gave me the green light to take a week's rest at home. but i am not gonna do that. cannot afford to allow people to think that i am taking it just becos my boss allowed it. rather, i would want to be back at work to do what i needed to do. need to continue to support my staff. 

anyway, decided to take the day off this morning when i felt sore and peed blood again. headed to the pool to relax but ended up having the pool full of noisy kids! doh! and in the afternoon, i decided to head to the chinese tcm for a massage. whole body had been feeling rather tight lately and thought it would be a good idea of get some form of therapy to loosen things up. and wohhhh... it was on helluva massage! the lady pressed the points so correctly and so hard that i was near to tears! but of cos, it felt good. 

so, here i am. whole body feeling very sore from the massage and hoping to be able to sleep well tonight. let's see how things go ya?

:-)

quiet distance

since the incident where i told off my maid, she has kept a safe distance away from me. i have not bothered to break the ice too. i saw no reason to do so. i reckoned it's a good time to restart this boss-maid relationship. this was in view of my mum's perception that i had always sided with her. and it kinda work cos these days mum seemed a little more pro-maid.

so these days, i'll not ask her if she wants food, if she needs this or that. and the maid would also automatically get mum to talk to me whenever she needs anything. 

will continue to maintain this distance. think it is probably for the better.

:-)

weird dream

i rested so much yesterday that i ended up having difficulty sleeping at night. and when i fell asleep, my sleep was so shallow i kept waking up. and for the couple hours of good sleep, they were filled with weird dreams, dreams that i could hardly recall. but i remembered the last one, the one just before i woke up. here's how it went...

my mum was in some kind of hospice or care centre where she was being cared for by someone (presumably my maid). she was bedridden and we had previously placed a piece of fine-netting veil over her face to prevent any infections or bites. and to a certain extend, this white veil over her face made her look like some robber with a stocking over his head! anyway, i had gone to visit her as it was her mealtime, i decided to feed her her meal too. her meal for that moment was a bowl of porridge. and to feed her, i had to open up a small opening where her mouth was. as she was lying-in the bed, i had to lift her head to feed her. and as i did so, i found that her head had collapsed and flattened due to her being bedridden for too long. it was like a big thick pancake! i fed her a spoonful of the porridge and she gladly received it into her mouth, but she could not swallow the porridge. to help her swallow, i had to manually close her jaw. even then, it did not work. the porridge simply flowed out of her mouth.

it was then that i woke up.

what a weird dream...

:-) 

bloodied urine again

i peed blood in my urine again this morning.

well, there was no pain per se, just a slight uneasy feeling at the kidney-level (or probably lower). it was not unexpected and i went on with my daily routines of bringing my mum for breakfast, did our grocery shopping and so on... came home, went to the toilet and ta-da... red rusty looking urine. but ok, time to drown myself with water again.

i think i can expect more of this to come in the coming days cos the stone had started its movement, and as it continue to do so, it  would scrape the interior of the urinary tract (hence the bloodied urine). and this is probably a good sign cos it means it is moving out of the system. if all goes well, i should be seeing a possible discharge of the stone before 2 jul. 

otherwise, it would be the shock wave treatment to make sure it comes out.

concerned colleagues

it was interesting how my colleagues responded to my kidney stone condition over the last couple of days. when they first saw how i fell ill on friday morning, they got all so flustered and edgy about it. and i don't blame them for it cos over the past 2-3 weeks, there had been at least 2 cases of my colleagues having issues with their health, so much so that we had to either send them home or activate an ambulance to evacuate them to the hospital. and for this to happen to me, it really got everyone a little uneasy. for a start, my chief has been rather irked by this series of incidents and suspected that it could be due to some feng shui issue or perhaps some bug (or something unexplainable) that she might have caught a few weeks ago when we bought my head a department dinner to thank him for his contributions before his departure. anyway, we simply brushed off her thoughts as superstitions. 

but certainly, their responses was really something i didn't expect. firstly, a few of them texted me through the day the pain hit me asking how i was and whether i was able to cope. and when i was at the hospital, my chief and another colleague came to visit me, a few others had planned to visit me over the weekend if i should be hospitalised. and throughout the weekend, the text and the calls came in frequently asking if i was ok and if i needed help to manage my mum. my chief went to the extend of insisting i stay at home and rest for the rest of the coming week. no mc needed. an executive order, she insisted. and that she would make sure everything at work is covered by my colleagues. such warmth and such responses was something so foreign to me, considering my bosses from my previous employments (and i emphasise the plural "s") had always frowned upon it when they heard i was sick or when i could not be at work for whatever reasons. one even going to the extend of telling me off when he heard about my mum's dementia, insisting that she was a problem that i had to solve or it will affect my work. i did what i thought was right when he said that - i quitted my job.

anyway, i shall see how i feel in the coming days. if i am ok, i will head back to work. i don't wish to take advantage or come across as taking advantage of people's concern. they have shown their care and concern, and i will exercise my utmost responsibility to my team members.

:-)

it moved

the kidney stone moved yesterday.

and it was hell!

here's the story.

life's a journey

am in a sudden reflective mood after commenting on tempus' blog. here's some quick thoughts. very disjointed, but what the heck.

life is a journey, but most importantly, learn as you journey on. there are teachers everywhere and every time, you only need to recognise them. but the irony of it all is that we don't learn when there are no obstacles. it's funny how we learn some of the most basic things in life when we are older. there is wisdom in the sentence that elderly people are wise people after all. wisdom borne from life's lessons. priceless. no amount of documentation nor knowledge management can capture it. 

and i am reminded of how james (my ex) threw away the logic of the sentence above without giving two hoots about it. to him, people who do not undergo some good education and got some good degrees cannot be considered wise. to him, age doesn't count. to me, that is too simplistic. education is one thing but it does not contribute to the whole picture of living life meaningfully and learning from it. i did not think he was wrong, but i could only agree with him if these people go through life without living life.

ok, i am going in circles now...

better stop.

renewed passport

i finally managed to get my maid's passport renewed.

following the last failed attempt (that saw mum getting all paranoid and mentally haywire), i decided to change my tactic. i took a day's leave today and last night told my mum, without giving her any options, that i would be bringing my niece out and that i would be bringing her along. i explained to her that my niece is having her mid-year holiday and thus, would be free for me to bring her out. and this morning, just before we left, i told my mum that i would, "along the way", drop the maid off at the embassy before i head off to my brother's place. and once i dropped the maid off, i brought her to the temple. visits to the temple always has this therapeutic effect on her and she had also asked to visit the temple a few days back. 

heh heh... everything went well according to plan.  so yes, i got the maid's passport renewed, and my mum got her wishes of visiting the temple fulfilled.

:-)

shock wave treatment

went for my review yesterday and the doctor found the stone where it was since the last check-up, that is to say, it has not moved despite the medication.

with this, the next option given was to undergo shock wave treatment to break the stone. was told this treatment has a success rate of about 80% and that it would be a day procedure. the urologist also explained that this procedure is the safest and that most would be able to recover within a few days after the procedure. i was also told to expect blood in my urine after the procedure but it should clear eventually. the risks associated with this procedure include infection, and for those few that did not respond to the shock wave, a second attempt would be made and if that again did not go well, other options would have to be considered. but of cos, these options would be discussed when it happens.

so the next step for me - shock wave treatment on 2 jul. to be admitted at 8am and can expect to be discharged about 3pm. 

of cos, unless the stone decide to move out of the system by then...

which is highly unlikely.

brave niece

i was so proud of my niece. for a 3.5 year-old girl, she was one helluva brave. despite the anticipation of pain and the fear in her eyes, she kept quiet, sat on the high stool as the 2 shop attendants marked and pierced her ears. i half suspected that my sis-in-law and everyone else around were more nervous than my niece. lol!

how to train your dragon 2

it was a really awesome show!

some bits that made me love the show so much were:

• toothless reminds me of my dog, sapphie

• the excellent chemistry between the key characters, particularly between toothless (the dragon) and hiccup (the young male lead)

• not in a sexual way, but hiccup has really grown up to a really good looking, fine young man with a character of his own

• the show reminded me flight of dragon, one of my favourite dragon show as a kid

• the show was not a repetition of part 1, but rather, a more mature one that captured very well how every character had grown over the pass 5 yrs, even toothless the dragon

• the scene of the final showdown when toothless stood up against the alpha, totally blew me off!

and many more...

love it to bits!

get-together dinner

i went for a get-together dinner last evening. told mum it was a wedding dinner and made my escape after cooking her her dinner.

it was a get-together dinner for my peers from my pc (platoon commander)-days. 1986, infantry training depot (the old name for the institute that focuses on conducting basic military training). there were no less than 11 of us and for many of us, we had not met each other since we left the island back in the late-80s. quite a few are now based overseas and made the efforts to return home for this get-together. and it was really interesting to be able to catch up with everyone. and despite being in out late-40s/ early-50s, we all behaved like we were in our late-teens again when we met. all the years seemed to melt away and all the old stories and gossips resurfaced. 

i supposed the bonds created when we were on all isolated on an island off the northern coast of singapore, and with nothing to do except interacting with each other, was really strong. there was absolutely no pretence and everyone simply yak and yak and yak... and of cos, with age and with years of working experiences, it was also a great time to catch up about each other's lives.

let's hope this gathering can happen again sometime.

:-)

world cup fever

it's the world cup fever again. and almost every other person i meet seemed to be talking about it, betting, or for that matter, heading to brazil to watch it. but not for me. i have never have any liking for soccer. in fact, i've never had any affinity to team games, especially those that involve balls! 

and i can possibly attribute this lack of liking for ball-games to my being too concern about whether i will spoil the enjoyment of the team when i engage in one. all this becos i don't have ball sense. for example, when i tried playing soccer, i couldn't kick the ball straight, when i tried playing rugby, i got injured and fall in the most unglamorous manner, when i tried squash or tennis, i sprained my ankles, and i have no patience with ping pong. as such, i avoid playing any games that involve a ball (or for that matter, a shuttlecock, a racket, etc). now you understand why i run and swim a lot... but well, that's beside the point.

so... yeah. with the world cup fever going on, every other person, including my female colleagues were all going gaga over which team will win and which team will not. for me, i can imagine the closest i ever got to talking about world cup would be who's cute and who's not. that's so totally up a gay man's alley! no? 

hahaha... 

aoki

had a good lunch with an old friend at aoki (by les amis group) yesterday.

it was a high-end japanese restaurant and the food was really good. freshly prepared by japanese sushi chef right in front of you. the set i ordered comprised a good spread of 8 different sushi and a roll complete with miso soup, chawanmushi, and desserts. really loved the fine details that was put into for every piece of creation such as the little tint of lime fragrance, or the beautifully balance of fresh wasabi and chopped tuna.

understand there are only 2 seatings for lunch each day.

must book early if you wanna go!

:-)

logo from http://www.aoki-restaurant.com.sg

final inspection & road tax

i got my car inspected and paid my road tax yesterday, all within 20 minutes. i had initially wondered if i could do it as i had lost the road tax renewal notice send by the local transport authority. but decided to proceed to the inspection centre as i had some time to spare. the process turned out to be so efficient. here's what happened.

i arrived at the inspection centre and was received by their staff at the door. told him that i wanted to have my car inspected but didn't have the letter. smiling, he said it was ok and that they did not need the letter. he took over the car and proceeded to drive my car to the start of the test stations as i paid the inspection fee. once done, he started to drive the car through 5 stations where the brakes, lights, exhaust, undercarriage, etc were checked. all these happened as i walked beside the car. the results (of whether the car passed the test) appeared on the board immediately as the test was completed. once he completed the last station, he alighted and printed out the slip for me. passed all stations, it read. the whole process took less than 15 minutes. 

and with the done, i proceeded to pay my road tax at their office. no letter of notice required, the staff said when i mentioned that i had lost the letter. everything from records of my insurance to completion of car inspection had been updated to the local transport authority automatically, i was told.  this inspection and road tax payment was also the last for my current car as it will reach it's 10-year life cycle next july. good smooth experience to cap the decade of ownership.

:-)

routine change-induced paranoia

the maid's passport and work permit are both due for renewal and the passport renewal has to be done before i can renew the latter.

i had taken a day's leave today to have lunch with an old friend (i do that cos i am finding it increasingly difficult to excuse myself from mum without having her go all crazy suspecting i want to kill her) and had also arranged my time to resolve the passport renewal. as my maid need to be there in person for the passport renewal, i had to prep my mum. and to do it, i had to orchestrate the whole communications plan and involve her much as possible through the process such as having her around when i bring the maid to have her documents xeroxed, take her photo, etc way ahead. and last night, everything nitty gritty details of what time to wake up, what time to leave the house, sending my mum to rehab center, etc were all finalized. mum had also agreed to the arrangements for me to send her to the rehab center before sending the maid to her embassy. but this morning, when i woke up, the first thing i saw was a black-faced mum. i knew she had gone haywire....

she refused to let me send her to the rehab center, insisting that she would be able to do so herself. she insisted she could walk to the pick up point, which she cannot. she said that i should just "send the maid instead and leave her alone". and sensing trouble ahead, i agreed that i will not send her to the rehab center and let her take the transport as she wishes but i would want to accompany her downstairs to the pick up point in the interest of her safety. again she refused, as she gave me further evil looks. i decided not to pursue the issue further and just sat by her side as we watched the morning talk show. 15min, i tried again but it was to no avail. this time round, she turned around and accused me of being suspicious of her and that i couldn't allow her freedom of movement (by herself). and after saying that, she started her age old hardship stories of how my dad ill-treated her, how she had a hard life, etc and before she could accuse me of doing the same, i told her to forget about the whole arrangements. the maid will accompany her to the rehab center instead. we will not renew the passport today.

think the change in routine and the possibility of being alone without the maid was too much and too sudden for her. all my preparations and plans went down the drain. but well, this change allowed me to get my car inspected and my road tax renewed. and that's not bad at all. when one door closes, another opportunity opens. i will make today a restful yet productive one. after all, i have taken leave to give myself some me-time.

:-)

of blowjobs & ice creams

i am not sure if i have blogged about this but it happened again tonight.

took a jog around my area and decided to take a break at a business park behind my place. and as i was taking a breather, a south asian (presumably an indian or a bangla construction worker) came up to me and asked, half-demanding, "you ice cream me, i ice cream you, ok?" 

errrr... i simply said no and walked off but he was rather insistent and pulled me towards him. once again, i said no and left the place. i could not recall when was the last time it happened. but i believed it was the same person. then again, i could hardly remember faces, and most south asians looked the same to me. whatever the case, if you want to proposition someone, the last thing you want to ask was "you ice cream me, i ice cream you, ok?"!

eeeks!

visited by an angel

my car broke down last night. but i actually felt really good about the whole experience! here's what happened.

i was on my way back home from my evening shopping when the car suddenly died and stalled along the road. it died on the outermost lane and i had no choice but to quickly get the maid to send mum home in a cab. it was unfortunate that my phone had died too and i used my mum's mobile to activate the toll truck. i was told it would take 90min for the tow truck to arrive and i had to wait for it. i ended up leaving my car where it was, boot opened and with its hazard lights switched on. it was after all, quite a busy road. and with nothing to do and stuck sitting by the side of the road, i ended up playing sudoku on my mum's mobile. 

i must have played at least 47 games when a scooter stopped behind my car. i had initially thought it was the traffic police, but at closer look, it wasn't. the rider dismounted, signalled to me and asked if the car was mine. i crossed over, and he asked me for a run down of what happened. and he explained that he was from a local insurance company vehicle recovery team and had just completed his road patrol duties and was on his way back to base. i felt a little embarrassed when i found out that he had just rode more than 40km across the island and had decided to stop and help out. we chatted for a while and i thanked him for his assistance. he simply brushed it off and just said that it was the right thing to do. he could not leave me and my car there, considering the risk it posed, both to me as well as other road users. he then went on to place a vehicle breakdown sign and helped me direct on-coming traffic away from my car. thankfully, the tow truck arrived not too long after and in no time, my car was towed off. this rider simply bade me farewell and we parted ways. 

it was a simple incident. but the assistance he rendered, unconditionally and totally selflessly, was beyond my expectations. it felt really good to know that there are such nice people around. i came home and before i slept, i crafted an email to his ceo to congratulate him for having such a professional staff and to express my appreciations to him (the rider).

ps: and to top it off, this guy was no more than in his mid-twenties, petite build and very cute! haha. 

stupid hooded girl

what an utterly stupid girl! such a disgrace! she deserved to be gobbled up by the big bad wolf through and through! well, this is a comment from an adult as he reading a children's story. (and that adult happened to be me) lol! then again, as adults, we have learned to stop seeing things creatively.

but really, i wrote the above cos my niece has been so mesmerised by the story of little red riding hood these days and would pester me to read the story to her again and again. and i couldn't help but feel something was not right when i have to read out the parts about the big bad wolf gobbling red riding hood's grandma and her up. and how the woodcutter came and kill the wolf and out jumped the two human beings.

kinda terrible right? imagine all the gore, the killing, the revenge, etc... such horrible details to be telling a kid. and whichever way it is framed, killing is killing. revenge is revenge. and it is so against what i have come to embrace as an adult.

eeks... ok, i think too much.

lol!

maleficent

i watched maleficent last night with bee. and i must say it was such a nice and magical show! i really loved how the whole "sleeping beauty" story was embedded into the show, almost untouched. i said "almost" becos there were little bits changed to accommodate the extension of the story, both pre- and post-sleeping beauty. for example, in the sleeping beauty story, maleficent appeared and cast the curse after the second fairy's blessings. and it was the last fairy that reduced the intensity of the curse. but in the movie, it was maleficent (angelina jolie) instead, after the king pleaded with her.

and after watching "frozen" i kinda expected the sudden twist of the story at the end. anyway, what made this show interesting was the fact that maleficent, though a good person at heart, was painted and dressed in colours that reminded one of a witch and all things evil, as was how she was portrayed in the original story of "sleepy beauty". and i particularly enjoyed the whole magical feel and where dragons, elves, fairies, etc were all brought to life, especially during last part of the show where maleficent had to do battle with the evil king.

kudos to angelina jolie for pulling off such a fine and flawless performance. thought she balanced all the emotions very well throughout the show, like how she was blinded by love, suffered injustice, consumed by hatred, and the way she grew to love aurora, and how she tried to save aurora from the very curse she laid during the christening. anyway, shan't go further except that to a buddhist like me, i was constantly reminded throughout the show of the 3 poisons - greed (attachment), hatred (aversion) and ignorance (delusion) - and how they were the cause of sufferings that was the basis of show. poisons that everyone possess at some point in time, that even maleficent herself cannot escape.

great show to watch, and to reflect.

new phase @ work

i am entering a new phase at my workplace.

the lead that i had previously reported to had finally left and i now report directly to my chief. am not too sure how she will be managing me, but from the look of things, i think she will probably task me with quite a few new things, despite knowing of my plateful of things. after observing her since she joined, when push come to shaft and she needs people to help her, our priorities kinda didn't feature anymore in her considerations.

of cos, one might argue the age-old mantra that "my boss's priorities are also my priorities", and i cannot disagree with that. but the reality of this is that when such situations occur, and when our own priorities are high and for that matter, happening at that very moment, boss's priorities can be very difficult to accommodate. previously, i do have my lead to ward off such last minutes arrows and he leaves me to do what i need to do. now, i will have to handle such situations when it occurs. an extra load of issues to manage i guess.

just need to manage it as it comes.

:-)

reflective day

tomorrow, a friend will be celebrating his 41st birthday. and it made me reflect too. as a person in my...

• pre-20s - this was the age where i was naive and in a hurry. i was a idealistic, naive and in a rush to grow up. always willing to help people and to a great extent, wanting to please people too. perhaps insecure and seeking endorsement was the word.

• 20s - this was the age of overdrive. i was someone who wanted to prove myself & i sometimes take risks recklessly. still always willing to help people and to a lesser extent, wanting to please people too. still insecure and still seeking endorsement and promotions. 

• 30s - this was the age of discovery and new challenges, both personally and professionally. i was someone who was a little ambivalent, wanting to explore, yet rather afraid of risks. a little more established, but still wanting more. but my professional life took a back-stage as i was a tat too pre-occupied with my gay-self, having came out as a gay person when i turned 30. i was redefining myself.

• 40s - this was the age of relative stability. an age where i feel very empowered. empowered by life's experiences. i am someone who is a little more risk-adverse. happy and contented. accepting my place, professionally and socially - not in a "resigned" way, but rather in a way that reflects i am at peace with things around me. i have learned to define things according to how i see things.

• 50s - i am not there yet but will be there soon. i supposed i will be very much more risk-adverse and slowly making small adjustments in my life as i prepare myself for my eventual retirement. 

• 60s - let's not look that far. not even sure if i will live to that age...

anyway, i wish my friend a happy 41st birthday.

:-)

maid on diet

i have a maid who has been, over the last 2-3 months, dieting like crazy. for reasons unknown, and i assumed it is vanity-related, she has been reducing her food intake over time, eating no more than a couple of spoonful of rice every dinner. and this is in such huge contrast to her voracious appetite when she first arrived.

foreskin

i know it is a brand. 

but to have ladies wear clothes 

with the words "fourskin" 

emblazoned across their chest 

is soooooo...

not right.

:-)

sg & acronyms

singaporeans are famous for shortening every possible things into acronyms and one of the most popularly used one is "gss" otherwise, known as "the great singapore sale". to me it is nothing more than a gimmick to get people (locals and tourists alike) to spend their money - a month long nation-wide sale where almost every other shop will put their merchandise on sale.

anyway, my writing this post is not about acronyms. it is about how we used it to the point where it become almost a noun and the meaning of the acronym is lost in itself. so, using the "gss" as an example, i was at the shopping centre today and i saw this (see below) "gss sale"... wtf right? if we were to expand the name, it would be "the great singapore sale sales". hahah... 

it reminds me of another common mistake used amongst all singaporean men - "ippt test". singaporean men serve national service (ns) and are required to undergo an individual physical proficiency test (ippt) regime to assess his fitness level. and this test is often referred to as "ippt test". and if we were to expand it, we will have "individual physical proficiency test test".

this is so singaporean.

doh!

"pork pork"

today marked the first time my nephew called me! i was kinda shocked but i was really happy! it happened this evening when my sis-in-law called me earlier on the phone. once i picked up the phone, i heard my nephew called out "pork pork!!!".

his sudden uttering of that two words caught my sis-in-law by surprise too for she exclaimed immediately "wahhhh, hongwei called pork pork nor!" and next thing i knew, i heard her teasing him "why so shy now? looking away and smiling huh?" so cute right? and it was even more funny cos he had followed his sister in addressing me as "pork pork" cos she had difficulties pronouncing "da bo" or "大伯“ (chinese for elder uncle) when she spoke her first words too.

anyway, for the rest of the evening, he was just going "pork pork, pork pork" non-stop.

lol!

effects of tamsulosin?

have been taking the tamsulosin tablet for the last 2 weeks or so. and as far as i understand, this medication is supposed to help my urinary tract relax with the hope to facilitate the movement of the kidney stones. and i must say the effect is really one helluva interesting.

for a start, i feel rather heaty and dry, dehydrated, that is. my lips are cracked and i started having mouth ulcers again. rather painful and uncomfortable. but interestingly, i do not feel thirsty and must constantly remind myself to drink through the day. and this resulted in my heading to the toilet more often than usual. 

secondly, i noted an increased in frequency in my visits to the toilet at night, especially before i fall asleep. and each time i do that, i would pee lots! i really wonder where all my piss come from! also, through the night, i would head to the toilet at least twice. so what this all meant was that i have bad nights almost nightly. and i end up feeling rather sleepy in the daytime.

and despite all these, i have not noticed any stones coming out...

doh!

gender roles reversal

i was having my breakfast this morning when a quick thought crossed my mind.

what will this world look like, feel like, and be like if every possible gender roles are reversed.

where homosexuality is the order of the day and heterosexuals are the minority, but accepted as a necessity purely for the production of future generations. and heterosexuals are faced with the fear of being marginalised or decimated by advances in medical advances where babies can be created in test tubes.

and amongst the heterosexual minority, the construct is a matriarchal one where females rule and lead family units. and where the man's roles are very mush domesticated in nature. and that men are being treated as to be lesser than woman. where the male-version of our feminist movements are the order of the day.

wouldn't it be kinda interesting? a little scary for that matter? then again, i did a quick google and found quite a bit of resources on it, including this video. and i thought the men in it were so so campy! quite nice, frankly! haha...

hmmm... no?

人生

"人生就像茶，苦一下子，

却不会苦一辈子."

this is a line from the tv drama. it roughly translate to:

"life is like tea, it can be bitter for a while. 

but it will not be bitter forever."

 i like. 

x-men: days of future past

i walked in with very great expectations. it was not met, but still, i thoroughly enjoyed the show. brilliant assembling of x-men from the first few shows and connecting past and future, in the present. enjoyed the show. and oh, one more thing - i walked out with very deep impressions of the songs and music. love them all, especially "time in a bottle". they were all songs from my younger days.  i was literally singing along as quicksilver ran.

certainly adds a different angle to the enjoyment.

ha!

here's the background of the story, explained.

i so look forward to x-men: apocalypse in 2016.

端午节2014

端午节2014。大功告成！

祝大家端午节快乐！

happy bak chang aka dumpling festival!

:-)

accidents

friday was kinda interesting for me. i had an accident and 2 near accidents. here's the story about the accident.

i was on my way home from my facial (yes, very tai tai lifestyle ya? lol!) and as i made my way out of the car park, an mpv suddenly shot out of the car park lot in front of me. it just so happened that at that very moment, my mind was away and next thing i knew i had crashed into the side of the car. there was a quick moment of stillness where the driver of the other car and myself looked at one another. for me, it was a "wtf, here i go again" moment, but for the other driver, which was a lady, she looked kinda bitchy and gave me the "hey, f***er, wtf have you done to me car" look, or at least she gave me that impression.

i moved my car to the side, walked to the car and took a look to assess the damage. there was none. by this time, the lady had also made her way out. i was all ready for her to bitch me big time and to admit error on my part. and in anticipation of this big screwing session from her, i gave her my most  apologetic look and expressed my apologies (very sincerely) when she started drama-mama-ing the same too. "oh, i am so so so sorry..." she started. now, this was a very petite-sized, suave, smooth acting malay-ang mo mix-blood exotic looking lady. "i had not check my view and drove out too fast. oh my oh my, are you ok? is your car ok? tell you what, let me give you my number and i will pay for the damages", she continued. if she's any bigger frame, i would have thought she's a drag queen. yes! in a really positive and very pretty womanly sense. doh! i sounded so contradicting. haha!.

huh? it was my fault... my mind raced. "no, no, no, it's ok. no worries, my car is an old car, no worries." i quickly replied. it was, to me, quite obvious that it was my fault, i thought to myself. and looking at the 3 kids in her mpv, i quickly added, "no. please, please, is your family ok? what's important is that they are fine. i am so so sorry if i had scared them." my response took her by surprise. "tell you what, why not i give you my number and if there are any damages, do call me." i continued. and before i could go on, she said "no, no, it is my fault. really, it was my fault. let me give you my number instead, do go ahead and repair your car and i'll pay for the repairs." we ended up ding-donging this it-is-my-fault-and-not-yours conversation for a while more and finally decided that we should just go our ways, each refusing to obtain each other's number, considering there was absolutely no damage to our respective cars.

kinda interesting right?