bak chang 2011

i totally forgot about the dumpling festival (aka 端午节 or duānwǔ jié) this year! and it was until yesterday when my mum asked me about it that i recalled. and i was like - omg! i had forgotten about it! and my mum told me my sis-in-law wanted to try making bak chang (meat dumpling) for the first time and had asked her (my mum) to teach her how to do it. and then last evening, mum called me on my handphone to ask me how to make bak chang cos she had also forgotten parts of the process. and after giving her my recipe and tips about how to prepare the stuff and the process, i decided that it would be in everyone's interest (especially my mum) for me teach my sis-in-law myself.

and so, i went to my bro's place early today. and then i got a surprise. on top of the usual nonya chang , they also wanted me to teach them how to make hokkien kiam chang (hokkien savoury meat dumpling)! alamak!... i have been making my own version of nonya chang (the sweet meat version) for the last few years and it was easy peezy for me. but as for kiam chang... errr... i have never made it before! and so, i had to use my own initiatives and knowledge about the fundamentals of chinese cooking to derive my own recipe. hmmm... it was interesting. thankfully, in the end, the kiam chang that i came out with was not too bad! a little too bland, but otherwise, very decent and rather nice (my mum's and my sis-in-law's words)... and as for the nonya chang, well well well, i actually thought it was the best that i have made so far cos this year, i decided to throw in a lot more winter melon and to do so at the last 5 mins of cooking the meat. this actually kept the texture of the winter melon and gave the chang its very sweet chewy texture...

i like!

heh heh heh... one more year down and one more new recipe!

:-)

ps: picture was taken in 2008, but i thought, well, a chang is a chang and so, i have decided to publish it here again! heh heh...

blogging vs learning

here is a copy of what i theorised as to how blogs could be used in the context of learning. i created this model after going through more than a thousand over studies about blogging and learning. what do you think?

spoilt singaporeans

an online friend had the opportunity to visit singapore over the last couple of days and blogged about his experiences. he was going "awesomeness" "omg" etc over many many things he experienced here. the things he wrote about that awed him so much included things such as bus stops that stop right in front of our doorsteps, mrt stations that are next to housing estates, the high connectivity of the island via mrt, the travellators, the scene, the sights, the leg space at the cinema, etc etc etc. and his curiosity and the questions he asked and pondered aloud were things that i am sure many singaporeans won't even be bothered to ask. things like - why bras basah? why espan-ade and not espla-nut. and promen-nut vs promen-ade. it was really refreshing to read his writings as it reflects the views of someone who just had his first visit to singapore. i smiled when i read his blog. and it was not so because i thought the things he wrote were nonsensical, but rather, i smiled becos simple things like these impressed him. and i thought hmmm, kl is also as developed and happening right? ok, may be not the mrt bit, but malaysia is also a modern city and it has many attractions too right?

but as i reflected, one thing struck me real hard - that singaporeans have all taken for granted our heritage and the convenience that we have been provided with. and that singaporeans have become too self-indulgent that we have also stopped being curious about ourselves. instead, all singaporeans could do now is to complain complain and complain. singaporeans complain about having not enough mrt stations, mrt stations that stop too far away from their house, that mrt are being built too slow, crowded places, la la la...

also, i bet you not many singaporeans do not know the history and the meanings of some of our beautifully named areas/ road. (eg what is tanjong rhu and why is it called tanjong rhu? what is telok kurau and why is it called telok kurau...) perhaps the stopping of teaching malay as our bahasa kebangsaan or our national language since the early '80s have resulted in subsequent generations that are not sensitised to malay words. whatever it is, singaporeans have accepted things as they are. they no longer are curious. and becos of this, they have missed out the many little treasures of the singapore experience.

isn't it regretful? living in heaven but not knowing how to appreciate heaven. seeing things half empty rather than half filled...

ps: for those who still have some sense of curiosity about things around you, i encourage you to learn a bit of malay and you will know many more things about singapore's pass that you never know existed before. and of cos, you will be able to appreciate the romantic nature of the malay words and the charm it gives to the places... jalan senyum (the lane of smiles), jalan sayang (the lane of love), tanjong rhu (the bay of casuarinas - imagine a bay where the waves softly laps and where rows and rows of casuarina trees lining the beach front sway and dance to the gently nudges of the breeze), etc...

fruits of my studies

i completed my masters programme almost 3 years ago and in the process, i managed to publish (as the first author) a paper on the use of online applications such as the blog for learning. it started off as my critical inquiry module and by the time i completed the research and the writings, it seemed almost equivalent to a phd thesis... heh heh. it was a great and pleasant surprise when my supervisor told me it could easily qualify for publication in an education journal and asked if i would be willing to recraft parts of the paper to sharpen it after i graduate. i agreed and recrafted the paper according to his suggestions. the paper eventually got accepted by a renown international journal for publication after being reviewed by 3 international authorities on the topic. i was superbly happy about it. it was, to me, an achievement, considering that the last time i managed to get any papers published was in 1991 after my honours thesis was published. anyway, after i got the paper published, i conveniently moved on.

and then something totally unexpected happened last month...

i was in the middle of my work and an email came in. it was from my supervisor. it was a pleasant surprise cos it had been such a long time since we communicated. and when i read the email, i almost fell off my chair! he asked if i could recall one particular assignments i did during my programme on student motivation when particpating in online discussion (of cos i did!). and he said that he had submitted it for presentation in an international conference and it had been accepted. and he asked if i would be keen to join him for this conference that would be held in july in hong kong. and what was even more surprising was that my work has also been accepted for publication as a chapter in a book to be published by springer - one of the top international book publishers in the world.

i was like "wah... what the..."

i smiled ear-to-ear when i read and reread and reread the email. i was tempted to go for the conference. but on second thoughts, the period would be a very hectic period for me at work. so regretfully, i turned down the offer... but well, i wasn't expecting anything and when this email came in, it really brightened up my day!

:-)

lingering sore throat

i realized that despite me slowly gaining my voice back, my throat continues to feel very sore, particularly at night. i supposed in the daytime, due to the need to talk, my throat muscles would be nicely exercised. and at night, when i get relaxed, that would be when things start to ache...

hmmm...

and to make matters worst, when the ambient temperature drops, i would start to cough. and to prevent my cough, i have to make sure the fan is blowing away from me. and with the sweltering heat these days, it is one helluva difficult to get proper sleep. a classic case of fan also cannot (cough), no fan also cannot (hot!). no win situation...

mid-year!

at 2359hrs last night, it struck me that it would be middle of the week when the final minute was up. and i thought - wow! it had been a good week. busy but productive. it has been one of those very few weeks where i was able to do my work without feeling disturbed and strangled by people around me... i was glad mid-week was on the way. and as i reflected, it suddenly also dawned upon me that i would also be entering the middle of the year. june has arrived! omg! half a year had passed! half of 2011 had slipped by so quickly! and i started thinking about my achievements over the last half year! damned! half a calender year gone, and one full quarter of the fiscal year down! on one hand, it seemed like lots of things have been done, yet it wasn't so clear that i had achieved any of my major kpis... especially my revenue targets! damned!

i better start to buck up!

argh!

:-)

moderate?

for the longest time, i had hoped to be able to edit some of the comments i recieved cos there were times where i felt some words would be better left out, or at least be qualified with some additional remarks (on my part)... to me, that would be the meaning of "moderate". right? that would also be in sync with what blogspot calls it right? but then when i tried to "moderate" the comments, i was only given the choice of "publish" or "delete" hmmm... so what is the point of calling it "moderate". why not just provide me to choice to "publish" or "delete" from onset, and don't need me to click another time...

1st work anniversary

time flies! today the start of my second year at work in this current company. it seemed like only yesterday when i first started work. and i was so touched when my staff got me a cake to celebrate my 1st anniversary.

totally unexpected!

thinking back, it was a totally packed and interesting year. went through 2 changes of positions within this one year. not to mention, an early confirmation and one promotion. quite rare and almost unheard of in my company and i was really thankful to them for the trust they have in me. it was certainly an achievement!

:-)

ugly singaporeans

this was what went through my mind when i visited changi airport t3 last evening - "omg! singaporeans are really ugly!"

(the second thing that passed through my mind was "man! singaporeans are a hungry lot - and it wasn't even hungry ghost festival yet!" but ahem... that would be another story... let me go on about the "ugly" part...)

when i said ugly, i didn't mean ugly as in "bad behaviour", that has already been accepted as a norm for me. i meant - their physical looks can be really really... erm... ugly. there were many people with distorted facial features (yes, i am being mean to write this), people who were fat, people who were obese, people who wore make-up so thick their face looked like some terracotta warrior (and they would even put the japanese geishas to shame), people who poured so much perfume on their body you could smell them miles away, people with hairdos so bad you wished they'd just go bald, people with faces that don't match the body, people with body that don't match the clothes, and people with clothes that don't match the personality... and a splish splash of colours all over the body that clash everywhere! aiyoyo! and not to mention there were many many people who strut around in slippers, singlets, and shorts macam they were in a wet market. and for god sake, you don't dress your toddlers up in pyjamas, bring them to the airport and let them run around like it was some pyjamas stay over night! it was simply an eye sore! that was not what you do to welcome your guest from other countries!

eeeeeeeeks! may be this was some plot of sia to make their girls look good (considering their standards have dropped over the years...)

then again, when i looked at myself, i myself was not dressed to the 9s either. i was in my berms, pullover (as usual) and in my sandals too... so... heh heh... i must be as ugly as many of them too! heh heh heh...

:-)

ps: for any tourists who happened to go down to basement 2 foodcourt after arriving singapore, it must have felt like descending into hell (ahhh.. get me back to my country!), everything look fugly, both in its behavioural sense as well as in it physical sense, and all the crowds and the screaming and wailing kids. well... i could only say - surprising singapore! uniquely singapore! welcome! vanekum! selamat datang ke singapura!

changi t3

i have my dinner at changi airport t3 foodcourt quite often. after all, it is only a 5min drive from my place. and i like to head there becos it is relatively quiet and there are a lot of space, which means i do not get the claustrophobic feel there and i do not need to squeeze amongst crowds, join in the endless queues for food, and so on...

but this wasn't so last night when i visited the place for dinner. the place was totally jam-packed. i first saw signs of overcrowding when i appraoch the carpark. there were 3 basement levels with a combined total of more an a thousand carpark lots. and when i arrived, there was only about 100lots left in basement 3. first time! and when i walked into the building itself, it looked like a typical orchard road traffic junction where hundreds of people were waiting to cross. and it was 9-plus. my goodness! and it way past dinner time! yet, there were long queues in the foodcourt. all the tables were filled and there were people standing behind those still eating. and of cos, there were those few wondering around waiting to pounce on newly available tables. and there were screaming children all over the place! it seemed like these days, parents do not sent their kids to bed at 8pm... worst still, parents there totally let loose their kids. many were running around and screaming at the top of their voice, not to mention quite a few others were crying and wailing.

changi airport t3 has become a big childcare center with a hawker-center!

aarrggghhhh!

ladybird

this is something that used to be a common sight during my kampong days. i often get it flying into my house and i would catch it and admire its beauty. reminded of it when someone used the nick "ladybird" to post comments in my blog recently. the ladybird hardly comes by these days. i don't even know if it still exist in the wild in singapore.

picture obtained from http://www.123rf.com. i am not sure if it is the same species as those found locally. nonetheless, it is a ldaybird alright!

working @ home

i just spend my whole freaking saturday working at home!

well, ok, ok... not the whole saturday. was at my mum's till abt 2pm and then i came home and it was work work work. need to hand up the completed proposal by monday and i am only half there. well, am not really complaining frankly. on the bright side, it's half done! actually, when i work, i can get kinda sucked into it such that i can loose track of time totally - like today. and then before i realized it, it is already coming to 7-plus! and i only stopped cos i am hungry...

ok, gonna head out for dinner, take my medicine and then perhaps have an early night.

:-)

ps: this is such a lame aimless post! ha!

kfpd 2

somehow, as i watched kung fu panda 2, i couldn't help but get reminded of many of the political undertones... my mind was racing non-stop as i watched the show... why do we have a panda with green eyes? a panda that behaves anything but chinese... it reeks so much of having an american identity behind a chinese front, an abc (american born chinese) kinda thing... and why do we have an enemy-of-panda that is a red and white peacock, to be accurate, while peacock with feathers patterns that looked like a red dot in the center... hmmm... panda - china on the outside, america on the inside? america's silent way of trying to americanise the modern china? pop culture? and then we have peacock - bird we usually associate with india. red and white? to be specific red dot in white background - japan? land of the rising sun? hmmm, kinda uncanny, but it seemed like we have a show that is trying to illustrate the goings of 4 major powers at play here... america, china, japan and india...

ok, i am getting to sound out of place... my geopolitical trainings getting into my way again...

and oh, by the way, didn't we also know that china and india, and china and japan, have historical tensions too? and are currently competing powers in the asian region... but well, what about history where japan invaded china and had millions killed (nanking massacre)? peacock killing panda village? hmmm... and what about america beating the shit out of japan with red firy balls called atomic bombs? ok, ok... i just cannot stop...

anyway, despite being reminded of all these things, i actually enjoyed the show. a lot more depth in this story. i liked the fact that the show brought out the different sides of almost every individual characters and that it also explained a whole lot more of panda's history. nice! and yes, if you wanna watch it, it is worth every bit to pay a bit more and watch the 3d version. lots of actions.

:-)

ps: i actually did not find it funny that i shared the same surname as the villian of the show. hmmph!

resting @ home

last night, i slept early. i had a good and restful night. then again, it was the kind of sleep where i knew i had quite a few dreams through the night, but just simply could not recall the dreams when i woke up. most importantly, i woke up feeling refreshed mentally. however, i could not say i was as refreshed physically. in fact, when i woke up, my eyelids were almost glued to each other, my throat felt parched and tight, and i felt thirsty and sticky from a night of perspiration. and when i tried to talk, nothing came out! i had totally totally totally lost my voice!

i decided that i should abandon my chinese medication today and that i should consult a western doctor. screw the long term wellness that tcm promised. what i needed immediately were short term solutions to regain my voice, clear my throat and most importantly, get well! and so i went to my family physician... walked into the consultation room and as usual, my family doctor smiled broadly, welcomed me and asked about my mum, my family la la la... he knew my family well, afterall, we have been seeing him since the mid-1970s. this doctor had operated on me when i was 5 yrs old, and he had seen me grow from a small kid into an adult today as much as i have seen him aged from a young man into a elderly gentleman who is in this late-6os/ early-70s now. anyway, i walked in, smiled and tried to say hello but what came out with nothing more than a low-toned and coarse "haaiii"... and i couldn't even deliver that single word clearly! he noted my response, and hurriedly ushered me to take my seat. he checked my temperature, my breathing, my throat, and so on. and to his questions, i could only utter single-worded answers. i had to use my hands to make sign languages, as well as to nod and shake my head to complement my largely inaudible vocal responses. he gave quite a few tsk tsk tsk... and spoke in kind, warm, reassuring tones. the kind of tone you would expect a daddy to speak to his sickly boy lying in the hospital bed... yes, that was the same feeling he gave me after all these close to 40 years of knowing him. he went on to write me a prescription, told me he would give me an mc and that i really needed to rest...

and so here i am... mentally refreshed and quite awake, and doing my work at home via my blackberry. but physically, i am resting...

:-)

keeping the no-lying precept

i had spend some time to delete all my pictures/ status updates/ postings in my facebook lately as part of my exit from facebook. and in the process, i realized i had some past postings where i posted urls from controversial sites. and looking at them now, it was clear to me that i had been emotional. i reckoned that that by reporting these urls, i had helped to spread lies. and i asked some myself some questions...

• when we deliberately spread a piece of information that we know is true, are we guilty of lying?
• when we deliberately spread a piece of information that we know is not true, are we guilty of lying?
• when we deliberately spread a piece of information that we were not sure whether is true or not, are we guilty of lying?
• when we deliberately spread a piece of information that we were not sure whether is true or not, then go about verifying it. and when we found it to be not true, we did not retract the information and continue spreading it. are we guilty of lying?
• when we deliberately spread a piece of information that we were not sure whether is true or not, then go about verifying it. and when we found it to be not true, we retract the information and stop spreading it. are we guilty of lying?

these were some questions i asked myself when i revisited some of my postings in my facebook. and i concluded that if i continue to keep postings in my facebooks after finding out that they are not true, i would have broken my precept of not lying.

hmmm...

ps: as to what my answers are to the questions above, for question 1 and 5, no, we are not guilty of lying. for questions 2 and 4, yes we are guilty of it. as for question 3, it is quite "iffy" and we can argue both for or against. but i think the key point here is that if we have made the decision to post the url, we must also take it upon ourselves to verify the information. that would be a responsible thing to do as a buddhist. many a times, it is not whether we lie or not, it is about our responsibilities to seek the truth. that, ultimately is what being enlightened is about.

fts

foreign talents? who coined this name by the way? perhaps it has been coined with all good intentions. but the way this term had been bastardized and used, it had been degraded into nothing but a mockery by the ungrateful people of this country to mean anything foreign that do not meet their freaking elitist standards or likings. seriously, singaporeans are a whole lot of self-denying people. frankly, how many of you singaporeans do not have ancestors who come from foreign soils? almost none! and you dare to now throw your weights around people you deemed foreigners! what audacity! and worst still, how dare you degrade and place people lower than you just because they do all the jobs you don't want to do? without them, where do you get your mbs? without them? where do you get your clean hawker centers? do you not realize that these people are no different from your samsui women of the years passed? ungrateful!

this morning, i was reminded about some experiences of mine when i visited australia in 1993 and 1996. in both occasions, i was there to attend some overseas training. and in both occasions, i had the opportunity to interact with some locals. i was reminded by mnay of my friends and colleagues, before heading there, that i should move around in groups and avoid the locals (read - australians). the locals were known to react unkindly to overseas asians. the advice was not unfounded cos personally i did have some rather unpleasant encounters. apart from being spitted at, i also had people shouting "hey, go back to your fucking country!" at me. such hostilities were particularly stark in urbanized areas such as sydney and its surrounding suburbs. in contrast, i found people in the less populated areas such as mount tamborines to be really friendly. in fact, i had made some pretty good friends during my stay there and some remained friends for many many years.

when i was faced with such negative reactions, the feeling was not pleasant at all. and it was not pleasant at several levels. firstly, as a visitor to the country, i was spending good money there and i was contributing to their well-being directly. i definitely did not deserve such treatments from them. secondly, i did not do anything to them to provoke such a responses. well, i know they were not happy that about the large numbers of asians (especially vietnamese) within their communities. on one hand, i could not really blame them cos it was rather clear that the asians were not really making any efforts to integrate with the locals. also, there did not seemed to be any strong initiatives from the local authorities to encourage such social integration. but on the other hand, i could not accept their strong reactions to me. i thought it was a tat too elitist and did not speak well of australian as a whole. i was really glad i came from singapore and i felt really proud to be singaporean. singapore was a country where "regardless of race, language or religion" was part of the national pledge. social policies were all aimed towards integration. after my visit in 1996, i decided i should minimize my visits to australia... to me, the australia then equated to western-elitism and bad behaviour.

fast forward to today, 2011 may.

it seemed like what i saw in australia in 1993/96 is now happening right in front of me. people (read - singaporeans) are selfish, self-centered, elitist, etc. singapore seemed to now equate to western-elitism. hmmm, perhaps, no. singapore is now more of self-centred, singapore-elistism. people attitude can be summed up as - i am a singapore chinese and i don't welcome china chinese becos they are (fill in the blanks), i am a singapore indian (south asian) and i don't welcome india indians becos they are (fill in the blanks), etc... worst still, some people turn nasty when they see anything that seemed foreign (and this includes hanyu pinyin names)! i can understand the tensions. i can accept that singaporeans feel unhappy about having foreigners as they give the society a slightly different and unfamiliar feel. it can be rather unsettling. but from the many readings and interactions, i realized that singaporeans have the "unwanted jobs, give it to them (foreigners), but when it resources and common space, i want it all" mentality. it is quite troubling. it is quite sickening.

anyway, the recent events made me think very hard about whether it is really worthwhile to stay in this country. also, it made me think very hard whether i should simply cut off some of my friends (elitist ones, emotional ones, unobjective ones, and so on). as what many have told me, to be happy, one needs to mix around with happy people. i supposed this also applies to having similar minded friends when it comes to thinking. again, it is nothing against them.

ok, will stop here... just another emotional but aimless reflection while resting at home.

voice

i conducted a workshop today and halfway through, i lost my

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reunited & it feels so good

sometime back, i decided to remove all my blogs that captured my thoughts about volunteer teaching and experiences as a volunteer teacher. and what i did was to publish them in a separate blog. this was with the thinking that in doing so, i would be able to protect my students. it would not do good for any parents to be worried about having a gay teacher teach their kids. but well, now that i have terminated my volunteer teaching, i have decided that i should merge my postings/ reflections back into this blog.

and that was exactly what i have just done!

:-)

ps: frankly, i did think twice about why i should even do it in the first place cos if i cannot be true to myself, i would not be able to be a true teacher. then again, that would be too naive and too self-centered a thinking to keep. and finally after quite a bit of reflections, i segregated the blogs.

friend from bkk

got to know this person from bkk some months back thru facebook. he is sgporean and has been working in bkk for more than a decade. and he would sms me very often when we first exchanged contact numbers. and of late, he has been sms-ing me every weekend (no fail). and his sms would always be: "hi hi, have you masturbated today?"

what a weird way to start an sms trial...

:-)

liang teh

bee made me chrysanthemum/ luohan guo tea today. been downing it to cool my body. have also slept the whole afternoon... (hmmm, not too sure how i'm gonna sleep tonight!)... as of now, my body still aches like crazy, the hay fever is still there on and off, but otherwise, i am feeling better. but really, how do you explain liang teh in western terms other than hydrating the body and clearing all the toxins with that additional fluid intake. heh heh... whatever it is, to me, traditional medication works. and that is all that matters!

let's hope i can get a good rest tonight. need to get to work tomorrow!

ps: and it is great that it is raining outside now... will be a cool night! then again, am not optimistic it will last. apparently, it is only raining around my area... hmmm...

office renovation

since the last time my friends and i spoke about office feng shui, i had bought myself a new office chair (see picture). i had spend quite a bit of time selecting one that would be as comfortable as possible. and it was just nice that vhive has an ongoing sale for office chairs! the chair came in on friday and i invited my staffs to give it a try. they were all full of envy! it was so comfortable! (but of cos, i decided to pay for it myself rather than get the company to pay, i do not think it is justifiable cos there is an existing chair for me to sit)... :-)

and over this weekend, my office would be renovated such that all feng shui issues including fluorescent light direction, office door location, direction of opening of office door, etc are all corrected. well, superficially, it seemed like i am superstitious. but frankly, i had not wanted to do all these changes cos i thought it was not required. but given recent developments in manpower staffing, i will be getting new managers coming in over the next couple of months. and to accomodate these new managers, i would have to create new space/ cubicles to house them. and looking around, the only thing i could do would be to tear down my meeting room. and to create a meeting space, the only other space available is the dead space outside my office. the only thing that prevented me from maximizing this space was my office door. it open diagonally across the space. it was therefore necessary for me to move my door. it seemed like everything fell in place quite neatly. heh heh...

i look forward to going back to office tomorrow. new layout, new chair, etc. new start.

:-)

sniff sniff cough cough

felt terribly weak whole of last night and couldn't sleep properly. i was slightly feverish and cold at the same time. and my whole body ached like crazy!

i decided to go to the chinese sinseh today. and just looking at me tongue, my throat, and my description, she was able to give a very very accurate description of all other symptoms i had. interestingly, she asked if my shit is sticky or comes out in rolls (ya, i know it is kinda gross to ask such questions). i told her it is neither hard nor soft and rather ok. i added that i have been on vegetarian diet and my passing motion frequency had been ok and smooth. surprisingly, she added that it is ok to be on vegetarian diet for short periods. but i should also be careful and have a well balanced and nutritious diet. if need be, i should try to take some meat.

it was an interesting visit. and she told me she would give me some medication that would make me sweat, stop my cough, reduce my backflow of mucus and to make my throat less dry (and hence less thirsty).

let's hope i recover soon!

:-)

about singaporeans

my conclusion from the last election - most (if not all) of us have become selfish, greedy and lazy.

agree?

am out of it

after thinking about it for sometime, i have formally written in to withdraw from my volunteer teaching and my email had been acknowledged. nonetheless, i did indicate that if there is an urgent need and relief teaching is needed, i would be able to help.

mum's uti

i slept at about 12.45am. at about 2am, i got a call from a malaysian number. i ignored the call. apparently, someone from malaysia had been calling my number quite frequently. but i was cock sure it was either a wrong call, or a prank as (1) the phone is an office issue phone, (2) i do not have any dealings with any malaysians at work, and (3) this phone has a weird habit of getting calls and smses from overseas. i switch my phone to silent and went back to sleep.

i woke up again at about 4-ish am this morning. the usual middle of the night wake up habits of mine... and as per my usual habit, i would pick up my blackberry, check the time as well as emails... and i saw 2 missed calls from my brother and an unread sms. i knew immediately something bad had happened. the missed calls were at about 2am and 3am. i checked the time again, it was 4plus, and that meant i was more than an hour late... i hurriedly check my unread sms and it read "mum hospitalized at ktph".

i called back immediately. my brother answered and told me that mum had had a really bad case of stomachache and had cried non-stop. and she also kept urinating non-stop and kept wailing that she was dying soon. he had tried to get her to sgh, but the ambulance couldn't and refused to do so cos my mum seemed to be in a very bad state. and under emergency conditions, the ambulance evacuated her to ktph instead as per emergency guidelines of scdf. i asked about mum's condition at that time. apparently, she had stabilized after being given 2 injections. blood tests revealed no major internal problems/ infections. the non-stop urination seemed to suggest urinary tract infection.

i couldn't sleep after that. i tossed and turned and by about 5am, i called my brother again. the doctor had decided to discharge mum. this considering her stomach pains had subsided and that she had stabilized.

it was a close shave...

confirmed! double confirmed!

i was doing some grocery shopping earlier and a small boy (probably one year old or slightly more) walked up to me and called out loud at me. his loud, clear and ringing toned voice rang out: "ah gong! ah gong!"... i smiled at him, looked around, noticed there was no one, pretended not to know he was calling me and continued browsing the items on the shelf.

the boy's daddy hastily came up to him, held his hand and said, "no, no... no, this is not ah gong" and led him away. the little boy shook loose his daddy's hand and ran to the opposite end of the shelf, jumped in front of me, and once again called out loud "ah gong!"

aiyoh... cute boy no doubt, bright-eyed, chubby, have the i-want-to-pinch-your-cheek face! it was hard to get angry or even take offence with this little boy... i simply smiled and continued my way... looks like it was a case of confirmed, double confirmed ah gong for me lo!... hahaha!

3-steps-1-bow 2555

once again, bee and i went through our annual ritual of doing the 3-steps-1-bow. for me, i started doing this since 1990 and if my maths is correct, this is my 22nd year. and in these 22 years, i missed once when i had fever, and another time when the temple did not conduct it becos of the sars scare... as for bee, this was his 6th year.

unlike previous years (eg 2008, 2009, 2010) where i reflected unabashly about how i noticed and, to a certain extend, distracted by the presence of many other glbts (esp 2008 and 2010), i was a lot more composed and focused on the ritual this year. well, i don't think it was becos i was less gay or less aware of other glbts' presence, but rather, i think i was a lot more focused on the process this time round. i guessed my past years' exposure and experiences with the community (both the highs and the lows) made me reflect a lot about what it means to be a good buddhist. and interestingly enough, kl (a friend of mine who attended the ritual with me and bee) and i discussed about the significance of buddhist rituals and what they mean. we also discussed about the significance of the mahayana buddhist robes (hai qing). i shared with kl about how my mum chided me for not wearing my robe (hai qing) for the ceremony and why i decided i would not. and we went into discussing whether wearing the robe would be an necessity for buddhists. here are some of what we discussed:

• wearing the robe is only the form, what is important is what is in the mind. it is useless to wear the robe to show people outwardly that one is buddhist if the mind is not attuned to that of a good buddhist. that was my mindset when i did not wear the robe for the ritual.
• wearing the robe is about being disciplined. even if it is uncomfortable and warm, one should wear the robe for the ceremony. having committed to be a member of the religion and a follower of the teachings, one should be disciplined and abide by the monastics rules and guidelines. this reminded me of what my venerable told me once "one needs to be disciplined in ones' practise. for discipline is an important requisite before one can improve spiritually".
• wearing of the robe is not just about self-discipline, it is also a one's responsibility to educate the larger community about how a good buddhist should behave. as a buddhist, one should also be conscious of the fact that one must be a good role model and that showing one's ability to abide by the monastics rules and guidelines is an important aspect of showing other members what a good buddhist role model should be.

it was an interesting conversation. there were a lot of fors and againsts when it comes to wearing the robe (or for that matter, anything that about buddhist rituals). ultimately, we agreed that what is most important is one's intentionality. it must be pure. and on top of that, regardless of what we do, if we are in a position as a teacher/ leader of the community, we must be conscious of the fact that whatever we do, say, act, we will always be seen as a role model by others, even if we do not want to acknowledge it. as such, like it or not, people will see us to be an example of what we should be (as an ideal), and we should therefore take it upon ourselves to be exemplary in our words and actions. from that perspective, we must always put the role model self above our individual self. we cannot be careless in our words and our acts. we must recognize that leadership comes with responsibilities. we spoke of a lot more things... it was an interesting night. a lot of reflections. a lot of discussions.

well, it was a good event for me. we came back at about 6.30am... i was one helluva shagged by then... but i look forward to the next one! and yes, for the next 3-steps-1-bow, i shall don my buddhist robes.

happy vesak day!

wishing everyone a very very happy vesak day! may everyone be blessed with health, love, wisdom and happiness!

:-)

pinkdot 2011

very nice production. way to go pinkdot. but then again, maybe it has inadvertently stereotyped glbts too hasn't it? why must glbt persons be young, pretty, and cute all the time? perhaps the production team could also include glbt uncles, and aunties to also reflect how similar and heartlander they are, just like you and i (well, not suggesting this becos i am an uncle...)

nonetheless, i thought this is a beautifully produced video. it can only get better!

:-)

disinterest?

bee asked me why i seemed so disinterested in attending anything related to the temple these days. he asked this when i replied i'd prefer not to attend a friday evening talk last week. well, frankly, it was not that i was not interested in it. in fact, i am even more interested. but i would like to relook at the approach of how i should go about my learning journey. i have decided that i should do learn in a way that is congruent to my own beliefs. my teacher, the lord buddha, taught me to question. my teacher taught me not to accept when is told simply. and my teacher taught me to strive for my own enlightenment. in short, he taught me to be critical and objective in my learning. he has done the same in his own search for the truth and that is what i am doing now.

as to why i have decided to do so, i must admit that i am disappointed with many things, and much of this is related to people's ego, ignorance, pride, self-agenda and above all unenlightened politics. i am disillusioned with many people i have interacted with. but i shall let things be. what i have learned from the last one year when i made the deliberate decision to plunge myself into the whole community was that there are many who have put their hearts into this community and that their efforts are commendable. but conversely, in the spirit of not offending people and allowing things to be, there is also a very strong underlying disquiet. the live and let live mentality is a good one. it allows things to flow. but i am also acutely aware of the fact that we are human and that the live and let live mentality is not easily attainable. and so, the result is unstated resentment. a lot of it. politics in its pent up form.

i have also seen many undesirable aspects of people in this community. but well, shall just leave it here. no point stating them out. afterall, we are human and that humans are known to err.

quitting

this the time for quitting... mm, sm quit cabinet, george yeo forced to quit minister role, the most respected cst forced to quit politics after losing his grc fight, sylvia quitting teaching role, and for me, i have also decided that i shall leave my volunteer teacher role...

hmmm...

ah gong

this is the latest and the most ultimate...

i visited the temple today with my mum, my sister-in-law, my baby niece and my domestic help. while at the temple, i brought them to the dining hall for a vegetarian lunch. after lunch, i carried my niece as we made our way towards another hall, and an uncle remarked smilingly: "after lunch huh? oh... you have brought your grandchild here to huh?"...

hahahaha!

i was totally speechless!



trends in ge-postings

here's a quick overview of my thoughts concluded from my observations of people's postings in the internet at large, from my facebook account and from my interactions with my friends. i must state here that the limitations of my observation was in the fact that a large percentage of active personalities in my facebook that made these postings were gay and that my conclusions may be skewed towards this particular group of individuals. nonetheless, i thought it would be interesting to pen some of these observations.

like it or not, factors that were less tangible and/ or objective were important areas that mattered a lot to my friends. people's persona, habits, sexuality, looks, personal attributes, etc were all cited/ expressed in writing or concluded from postings. there is also a consistent behaviour across all sexuality when it comes to being influenced by specific individuals/ personality as opposed to being influenced by policies/ party lines. on the other hand, people who were exposed to policy making tend to be more calibrated in their comments and were more forgiving when it came to harsh policies.

here the run down of my conclusions:

• senior officers who have been involved in policy-making tend to be more objective in their views about the policies raised during the built-up to election day. their postings suggest they see things more objectively and accepted the fact that there was no such thing as perfect policies. rather, all policies comes with pros and cons and whichever solution was adopted, there must be trade offs. having said this, it would be wrong to suggest this group of people were totally accepting of difficult policies. rather, when there were disagreements, it was expressed objectively and the views expressed were clearly targeted at the issue and not the person. this was in stark contrast to a senior non-commissioned officer who remarked "i don't care, i am a tax payer and i pay them. they are the ruling party and i expect them and their policies to be perfect".

• non-commissioned officers (regardless of how senior they were) who were not involved in policy-making tend to be more emotional in their views. their views tend to be more narrowly scoped towards specific single stand alone issues rather than as a systemic whole. their postings tend to be very personal in contrast to the views expressed by senior officers. their posting patterns and trends do not differ much from those "civilians" at large. to some extend, i suspect those in the forces were even more critical given the many sweeping statements i read/ hear (an example as reflected above).

• there is a larger number of my gay/ bisexual friends who expressed liking for anything that is anti-ruling party. many click "like" for any parties that came their way other than the ruling party itself. many clicked "like" for all the opposition parties (and leaving out the ruling party). these people seemed to have a closed mindset and that anything related to the ruling party is bad and that there is no further need to discuss further.

• there was a superbly strong sense of anti-ruling party in my facebook page. so much so that everything they (the ruling party) said or did was deemed inappropriate, regardless of the fact that the same was done by opposition parties. eg one posted that "the ruling party are wasting money while they could have channelled the funds for producing their manifesto to help the needy" when he recieved the manifesto from the ruling party. he did not make the same comment when he recieved the same from opposition party.

• people who post comments against the ruling party tend be expect nothing less than perfection from the ruling party. as for their expectations of oppostion parties, not a single person posted anything. all tend to be more forgiving. one even justified for the opposition's lack of plans as "to be expected".

• many people i interacted with could not give me any clear reasons why they oppose any specific policy. a couple of them even get angry and raised their voice at me (so much for objective agree to disagree start of the conversation). there was an occasion when i had dinner with a group of friends and the gathering ended very awkwardly when some of the members got emotional.

• many reposted contents from youtubes, online political sites (particularly temasek review, and online citizen), as well as other ngo sources to support their causes and beliefs. for example, one posted an article from marua (an ngo) citing that based on coverage (expressed in inches per article per party), the mainstream media had been unfair to opposition parties. when queried how the statistics would look like if the statistics were divided by total number of candidates fielded instead of per party, he couldn't answer.

• sexuality played a part in peoples' choices (if the views expressed in their postings in an indication of their choice of party they align themselves to). this was noted particularly when there was a gay candidate. it was observed that more of my gay friends clicked "like" for dr v (the one from the opposition party) and many also posted comments about him being potentially the first gay mp to speak for gay persons. the number of people clicking "like" spiked the day the video was released. one friend was so excited about it he smsed me to take a look at it. another one even posted praises for dr v's speeches and followed his rallies closely. in contrast, no straight friends of mine "like" dr v. their views about the various parties seemed to be more generic and reflect the trend seen amongst the larger population (eg liking nicole seah, skewed towards wp, and so on)

• almost all who posted actively in my facebook liked nicole seah. many also expressed dislike or contempt with tpl. one even went to the extend of saying that "he totally despised" her. when queried why or what did she do to him that warrant such a strong comment, he couldn't give any specific reasons other than she's inexperienced, couldn't give a proper speech and has a kate spade bag. as to why they liked nicole seah, responses vary from "i don't know, i just like her", to "she a good talker", to "she's pretty".

these were some of my own observations and what i hear when i interacted with my friends, both online as well as face-to-face, during the built-up to the election day. to me, it reflected the poor job that the ruling party had done to engage people on the ground. these day, people are better educated. thus, people need to be better engaged. for all policies, there will never be a win-all. all policies come with trade offs. some people will fall off the cracks. for all policies, as much as there are people who agree, there will also be a whole lot of people who disagree. but if explained properly, people who disagree, could possibly accept. but if it is not explained properly, people who disagree will never accept. in fact, even for people who agree, they may not be totally convinced and the level of acceptance can be questionable...

such are the challenges of people engagement. and as in all communications, there is the "u" n "i" elements in the centre of the word. even if the ruling party want to engage, the people on the ground must want to listen. and as of now, my sensing is this - people are no longer interested to listen to what the ruling party wants to say, to them, everything the ruling party says are tantamount to "lies" and "propaganda", everything that the opposition says are "correct". this is made worst by the fact that often, people do not see the distinction now know how to draw line between party politics and government policies. this, again is to be expected given that the ruling party has been in power for such a long time, people has already seen them to be one and the same. so, with cynicism, everything that the government do become percieved as being done to preserve the ruling party's grip on power.

such are the challenges. and it is difficult to do nation-building when there is such a mindset.

let's see how things go from here.

voting in fear

some people tell me i vote in fear... initially, i disagree. but reflecting, perhaps i was. i voted in fear of people who wasted their votes by voting emotionally rather than rationally.

:-)

leaving facebook

i have decided to leave facebook.

at least for now.

thus far, the facebook had allowed me to be updated with my friends' lives, although sometimes there are just too much information. anyway, of late, there are just so much negative energies that made me very stressed up and very disappointed with many people. many many people. so much so that i need to do something to preserve my own sanity and to preserve views about them. no, let me make it very clear. i do not look down on them. how can i possibly look down on people in my facebook friend list aka my friends? it will be the last thing for me to do so. i love and respect all my friends. but in facebook, i have reached a state whereby there is too much negativity and an information overload of what i want to know of my friends (and for the record, the same could be said of people posting comments in yahoo news, channelnewsasia, etc...)

i learned one very good lesson over the past few weeks - that the cybermedia is really powerful in influencing people. and regretably, there were so much misinformation, incomplete information, distorted information, and so on. well, i guessed this is to be expected. information are factual. but like statistics, it can be twisted and presented in a way that is congruent to people's agenda (well, that's politics right?). but what i find it hard to accept is to see singaporeans taking to it like as though it is the hard truth and become so emotional about it. people have called me an emotional person and i do admit i am. but when it comes to politics, i strongly believe critical thinking and objectivity needs to take centerstage. facts and systems thinking was very much needed.

i supposed my previous work experiences as a geopolitical and regional military analyst and my educational journey had shaped my behaviour towards looking at information. to me, information must be reaqd in context. and before that, information needs to be verified for its authenticity, accuracy and the source needs to be assessed on its reliability before we start to make sense of the issue. such a critical treatment to any piece of information had been a important aspect of my job as well as my educational journey. both my bosses as well as my supervisors have moulded my reading and thinking habit. they have often questioned every piece of information i obtained from the internet and made it a routine for me to quote things accurately and in context. and in making my arguments, system thinking have always been an important factor. such is the discipline i have become used to.

during the period up to the last general elections and in the past few days, there have been much hype and activities in the internet. this was a good sign cos it signalled the fact that many people are not just reading mainstream media but would also want to see what's available online. yes, the cyberspace do provide us to read alternative views compared to the mainstream media that tend to report views that are often seen as pro-ruling party. it is very important to do that as it would make one's conclusions and rationalisation process very robust. the key thing is that one needs to adopt an open mind when reading (both main as well as cybermedia). when one reads anything, one need to be careful about the authenticity of the information presented. if one do not do so, misinformation can cause harm. the interesting thing about misinformation is that it become accepted as the truth after it gets circulated through a few people. unstated assumptions becomes accepted as fact. and it began to spread like wild fire.

but alas, reading internet articles with an open mind was not what i sensed in the last general election. it was most disheartening that see people (much less my own friends) getting easily swayed by many articles and ended up getting emotional and becoming totally blinded by many of the unverified details and allegations. many have called it political awakening and attribute this to the maturing of the singaporean electorate. i disagree. judging by the many postings by people on the elections, i think the general election illustrated a more interesting and painful truth - that singaporean are immature, superficial, greedy and self-centered. their thinking is simplistic and they choose to convince themselves that they are an informed lot although their actions and words reeked so much of ignorance. they choose to see things from a self-centered angle. they are not interested to see the system. they do not want to understand and accept that things must be seen as an integrated whole. they see what they want to see, they hear what they wanted to hear and do not bother to question facts. they allowed themselves to be moved by self-centered reasons and by their heart and not their mind. worst of all, many people do not want to engage in constructive questioning. many did not bother to engage in conversations with opposing views. many of the comments posted were downright harsh, sarcastic, vulgar, cynical and unproductive. this was the same in all camps. you do not get personal with politicians, ruling party or opposition alike. a basic level of decorum and respect is needed.

i acknowledged it would not be fair to expect my friends and people at large to be totally objective and to understand the big picture. but to find them not even bothering to ask further was something i found unacceptable and very disappointing. i had expected more of singaporeans, considering singaporeans these days are generally better educated. sighs. but well, i supposed that is the fact i have to accept. i attribute this to the failure of the policy makers to properly engage and explain the policies to people, as much as i attribute it to people's disinterest in policies when it was announced.

over the last few weeks, i find it very stressful to see so much negative energies in the internet, especially in facebook where i see such negativities coming from none other than my own friends. so, to preserve myself and to preserve my views of my friends, i think it is best for me to leave facebook.

ps: then again, from just simply reading the internet, one would probably expect a total change in government, but looking at the results, it seemed there was a critical mass of people who were afterall, sensible.

going bald, managing baldness

it is an interesting experience going bald 2 days ago. after so many years of wanting to go bald, i finally took the plunge and went bald two days ago. and no, it was not genetics, i wanted to shave my head to remind myself not to be too attached to vanity. anyway, back to the story.

there were 2 barber shops and i chose the empty one. i thought it would be easier on me cos it was a rather weird feeling going bald finally and i thought i would do it in the quiet of the shop without people around me. i walked into the shop and i asked in english for "skin". the girl (from the way she spoke, i guessed she was from malaysia). she ask me what was "skin". i explained that i wanted to have my head shaved. she went "ahhhhhh... arrrmmm, ok ok come sit sit." i took my seat and she prepared me as she would anyone who came for a haircut and once she was done, she asked "i give zero ok? we can give you as close as possible. also very very like shave la. ok?" (she replied in malaysian mandarin). frankly, i was a little disappointed but i okayed her, considering i had made myself comfortable and she had also "dressed" me up for the haircut. she started her job and we went on to have a little small talk. as we spoke, i learned that she didn't know how to shave heads. in fact, she was afraid she might cut people. and so for me, the most she would dare venture was to use number "0". she related how more ang mos (caucasians) go bald compared to non-ang mos. she added that more people in the city would choose to cut bald compared to suburbs. as we spoke, her colleague joined in. she bantered about the practicalities of going bald. no need to use shampoo, just use soap, no need to buy comb, save money, cool head in the current hot spell, la la la... there was just no end to their bantering... at one stage, they were both arguing whether soap would be harmful to the scalp! i felt kinda weird after a while cos by then the shop had 2 more customers waiting and i noted they were staring at my head as it gradually began to turn bald and you know how horrible a person can look with patches of baldness amidst patches of hair - i thought i looked like someone who's sick/ undergoing chemotherapy.

anyway, i walked out of the barber with my zero head. i came home, looked into the mirror and decided no-can-do. i took out my shaver and decided i would shave my own head. it was not that difficult after all. and in no time, my head was shining clean. yes, ai cho, cho sui sui... (if you wanna do something, do it well) i thought and i smiled. easy peesy. i went to bed that night thinking how nice to have a maintenance free head... until...

i woke up the next day (yesterday), walked to my bathroom, look into the mirror and alamak! my head of hair had started growing! you know, the kinda unshaven, untidy look when you wake up... only that this time, it was not just my chin and upper lips, it was my whole head! and so, i had to shave my head, on top of my usual upper lips and chin... hmmm... a lot more maintenance than i had thought! hahaha... but well, it has been interesting. also, a newly bald head looked kinda weird cos the face is a little more tanned compared to the scalp. i should go and tan myself these couple of days to get my scalp as tan as my face!

:-)

ps: thus far, it had been a new experience for me. last evening, i walked into a lift at suntec. there was a family waiting for the lift too. in the lift, the light shone directly on my head, and frankly, i felt like a candle. my head literally shone! hahaha... and suddenly, the world seemed to have a lot more bald people. i see them everywhere! hahaha...

bald, finally

for the longest time i have wanted to go bald. not so much i wanted to be bald for the sake of being bald itself. rather, it has been my intention for so long that it had become kind of a vow to myself to do so. to me, cutting my hair short has been a way to remind me not to be too vain about my external looks.

i had wanted to do it when i was in the forces, but was advised against doing so cos there were some guidelines about going bald. yup, it sounded weird but it is true. i literally have to seek permission from my boss officially in writing and get my headquarters to endorse it before i can actually go bald! so in the end, i didn't do so... (i was made to understand that the whole application etc process was becos going bald used to be a form of protest in singapore's early days and to protect servicemen from being treated with suspicion, servicemen who wish to go bald needs to apply for the "permit"). and so for the longest time, i have never really gone bald and instead kept very short hair. but frankly, i do at time enjoy trying out all the different short hair style (you'll be amazed how short hair can come in so many different looks! ok, that's another story).

so, yes, i have finally gone bald.

i have finally fulfilled my wish to go bald for vesak day. and well, it felt cool and hmmm... a little numb, afterall, this is the first time my scalp is exposed to the elements. i thought i looked not as bad as i had expected. hahaha...

:-)

ps: for the record, the bald head in the posted picture is not mine. it is a random pic downloaded from the net...

sgp gays high standards?

a new found friend from overseas shared with me that the general impression in his country is that that gays in singapore are very good looking and so on. well, perhaps some are, but most certainly are... simply - normal! here's my thoughts and my reply to him...

"erm... just come over, take a look at me (and many of my friends...) and you will walk away feeling hmmmm.... the impression is wrong afterall! hahah! frankly, what is shown or found in the internet is perhaps a bit out of proportion and does not give the correct reflection of the actual situation on the ground. there are many many gays in singapore. of cos those that are a little more good looking and better built are a little more high profile, but at the same time there are many many many many many (see how many "many" words i used?) of us who are simply - normal. then again, cute, or otherwise, what is most important is that we are comfortable with ourselves. we need to learn to love ourselves, be fair to ourselves, and our beauty shines from inside. i know many who are good looking, cute, lean, 6-pack etc on the outside, but is either (1) rotten on the inside, and/ or (2) totally insecure about themselves and always seeking attention, and/ or so superficial that they ended up having no friends... etc so which would you choose?"

what about you? which would you choose?

my blog name - be happy

when i started writing my blog, i named it "being happy". sometime after, someone posed me the question about it and asked if it should be better phrased as "be happy"... and i thought about it and decided that yes, it would be more appropriate. it reflected that emotional state i want to achieve - happy. and so i changed the name of my blog to "be happy". that was quite sometime back. so... am i happy now? hmmm... i can say i am happier. i have come to realize that being happy is in itself a journey. one cannot be static to be happy. so, as of now, i am happy with what i have achieved. but i have to continue to strive to be happy. the journey continues!

here are my thoughts about my blog's name - be happy.

"very deep meaning. to be happy, truly happy, you have to first accept yourself. regardless of race, language, religion, sexuality, looks, wealth, education level, etc... you must first accept yourself. then you can learn to love yourself, be fair to yourself, reward yourself when you feel you should be rewarded, punish yourself when you feel you fail to meet your standards, strive hard yourself when you feel you have fall short of your own expectations... only when you can do that, then you can learn to love youself. and when you can finally learn to love yourself, you will then start to love others... if not, you are not loving others, you are only expecting a lot of things from others... and that is not love, it is nothing but insecurities..."

so... yes, since happiness stems from oneself based on one's self-love. and since one changes with time, one constantly needs to manage one's expectations. thus, happiness in itself is a journey.

:-)

ps: i think i have mentioned it in this blog somewhere before... i think the thoughts were similar but i might not have framed it in exact same words...

let's move on

singapore, you have made your choice.

move on.

time to heal.

time to built.

stop being childish and stop liking useless facebook groupings such as "bring back george yeo..." or "replace tpl with george yeo..." no point being emotional and lashing out at the system. stop the unnecessary name callings. now that the results have been announced, you start to join social network groups and to petition for outcomes that you want... if you feel so strongly about a particular candidate, why did you not exercise your vote wisely? why cry foul after the results were tallied? do you think voting is a game? do you think you can simply remove people after election just by crying out loud in social media? stop being childish.

you were given the right to vote and you have exercised it.

now that the results are out, live with it. what you want might not be what the constituency want. accept it. make the best out of it, for better or for worst. i believe the process we went through has made many more politically aware. that in itself is a good outcome for all of us. it is now up to the newly elected members to make do their promises. we will be watching and evaluating every single one of them, regardless of political affiliations.

so for now, accept the results and move on.

time to wake up to reality.

stop complaining

(ya, i know it is difficult considering how it is also known as a national trait).

sad sad

it's sad to see george yeo lose.

i met george many a times back in the 90s when i did my usual runs at east coast regularly. he too was an avid runner. and he would do his chin-ups at the exercise area closest to the marine terrace pedestrian overhead bridge. despite his ministerial position, he would go about doing his exercises without airs. he would smile at people, wave and acknowledge people when people call out to him and he would occasionally have little chit chats with people who approach him. he was a superbly humble man. this all despite his position in the government.

over the last few years, as the foreign minister, he oversaw many many foreign policies and resolved many many issues that singapore couldn't solve. these include issues such as those with our closest neighbours about the ktm railway land, water deals, airspace, international waterways, horsburg lighthouse, just to name a few. and in the international arena, he was well respected. it was directly because of him that singapore enjoys such high-standing and respect internationally in recent years. and i admire him for his pragmatism. despite his policy and high-level thinking, he was always clear in his head that in the areas of diplomacy, one must always be realistic and not be disappointed if things do not go the way one wishes too. i remembered him making this point some years back and this resonated with me deeply when i held a defence relation post several years back.

i am really sad to see him bear the brunt of people's dissactisfaction with the party, made more challenging by a credible team. i think people vote against not becos he is no good, but because they simply wanted a voice and they found it in wp. but admittedly, i was not very impressed and rather angry with wp for choosing to challenge the aljunied ward instead of, say, tampines. george did not deserve such a challenge. residents of aljunied cannot and should not be made use of in this manner. it was pure emotional blackmail. to me, it was not a win for singaporeans, it was a lost. a country's lost. a lost of a internationally well-respected giant in the areas of diplomacy. that the country had to have to lose such a international giant in replacement of local politics is, to me, not worth it. and from that perspective, i find wp very irresponsible. that is totally not in line with their war-cry of wanting the best for singaporeans...

then again, i supposed this is politics. and as george had said himself, one needs to be realistic when one is in politics. i can only wish george well now. and of cos, to wp, i hope they can fulfil their promises. they better do well and keep their promises. we shall all be watching you closely.

vegetarian

it's good to be on vegetarian diet... apart from all the save the world thingee, there's also a more down to earth, personal outcome - it had helped me increase the momentum of my lost weight. heh heh... and i called this my "accidental weight management programme" since last month as well, i did not plan for it. in fact, i was an unintended outcome as i had to observe a no fried food, no chilli, no cold drinks diet when i started taking chinese medication for my cough.

:-)

coffee shop talk

overheard one uncle talking to another uncle after he voted...

i tell hor... i bought my 4-room flat in 1985. cost me 50k. then i sold it off at more than 500k! made a good tidy sum... then recently, i want to buy another flat, but it is so expensive... terrible right?!?! it is all becos of the fault of the gahmen...

hmmm... at that moment, i didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. the words of gandhi rang loud in my mind... there is enough for all the need, but there will never be enough for all the greed...

it's a sad day for all of us in sgp...

hospital small talk

was at the hospital visiting my mum and there was this particular patient - a 70-plus year old auntie - who couldn't stop talking. she was literally trying to make small talk with everyone in the ward. and she went on and on at the top of her voice even when people around her didn't respond to her... at one time she was speaking malay to the other malay patient, the other time, she was speaking hokkien to her other neighbour... i capture here some of her self-speak... (it was during dinner when this conversation occurred)

auntie to malay patient (using heavily hokkien accented malay and mixed with hokkien words): wah... lu makan apa? bubur? ini maciiieam, mana boleh chuuuukuppp. lu makan apa sayur? machiiiieam sayur bayam... mana ada siiiidap? tsk tsk tsk... kalau buang sayang hor...

(translation: wah... what are you eating? porridge? isn't it insufficient? and what vegetables are you eating? looks like spinach... looks unpalatable! then again, if it were to be discarded, it would be so wasteful isn't it...)

yup... you know how the monologue went... the malay patient couldn't give a damn and just continued with her meal. and after a while, the self-talking/ soliloquy auntie turned her attention to another auntie on the other side of her bed... and this was how the conversation went...

auntie to the other auntie (in hokkien): aiyoh... this kio (brinjal) so overcooked! terrible! buay sai chiak eh (cannot eat one/ cannot be eaten)... so bland somemore...

the other auntie responding: harnor... this kio totally undercooked (!!! i was rolling my eyes)... totally not possible to eat... (sometimes, i do wonder if they were actually listening to one another...)

auntie to the other auntie (in hokkien): such lousily cooked brinjal, only fit for pigs! hospital food really terrible (wah i thought! from one brinjal dish, it is now all the hospital food!) they should really ask the doctor here to eat this food!!!... (and she went on and on...)

and my mum whispered to me: see lah! can't stand her non-stop talking! the way she say, it seemed like she was saying the doctor cooked the brinjal!

it was rather interesting to listen to such fruitless, unconstructive conversation. but well, such is the lives of people and i supposed we should all acknowledge there are all sorts of people who are different from us. and well... perhaps, it is such people that makes life interesting.

:-)

600th wtf

this post carries the 600th

tag!

...heh heh...

in again!

it's less than a month and once again, mum has been admitted into the hospital... water in her lungs again.

sighs...

quiet...

after so many days of wrangles... it is nice and quiet today. finally... peace! hurray... at least for the next 5 years!

:-)

the ironies of elections is that when it tells people they have to vote for singapore, the very process itself is very divisive... have not experienced so much sense of division in the society for a long long time...

auntie killers

the papers today listed a list of candidates, both from the ruling party as well as from the opposition parties, that are considered auntie killers. and ooooo, one of them (the pap candidate in hougang)... so soooooo yummy... he is so cute!!! the kinda "gong gong", yet smart, mixed with a little innocent, youthful yet mature look... can die man!!!

oh, wait... does that mean i can be considered an auntie too?!? hmmm... damned it!

:-)

(by the way, his name is desmond choo... ;-P)

ge talk

i hate to do this but with everyone talking about ge, it is not possible not to see, read, or hear about it. it is everywhere. papers, media - both old and new, people's views, etc... well, i supposed there is a lot of hype. and i have my mindsets. and i think there are many misinformation and misguiding going around, especially in online publications like temasek review, mr brown and online citizen (noted these websites tend to post a lot of things but are often incomplete or skewed). hope that end of the day, i just hope everyone can put the nation above self, national interest above self/ community interest, put in the effort to seek out the truth, see the need and not the greed. and let common sense prevail...

(although i know it is quite impossible, especially amongst the younger generations...)

lwe

i ended this week on a high note. and it's been quite a long while since i felt good. got my budget to hire a manager, host a visit that ended very well, finished this year's ranking and the released results were, well... ok... heh heh... it's labour day soon. it's time for a good break!

:-)