a lot of thoughts 2

this is my second post about why i have a lot of thoughts. and i want to write about my sis. frequently, i get smses from her wanting to vent. 

and all the time, yes all the time, it would be about how her children would fight amongst themselves. and how these fights would degenerate into family-level disagreements and disputes. and often, as a result of these inter-sibling fights, she would be dragged in and become the object of their tantrums. how they would also throw verbal abuses at her, jeer her, brand her a loser, etc... and when things get out of control, which is often the case, she would have to call the police to help manage the situation. it has become some sort of a common occurrence and knowledge amongst the residents of the estate that this family is dysfunctional.

why was this so? i thought deep into this and concluded it was the interplay of several factors. 

firstly, my sis didn't have a good childhood. she was jealous of my dad's favourtism towards my eldest sis. and she grew up scarred. and the fact that my mum was a strict and no nonsense mum didn't help. it stifled her and shaped her thoughts about how to be a mother. and till today, was convinced that she wants to avoid scarring her kids from the first day she became a mother a quarter of a century ago. 

this led to the second factor, my sis ended up spoiling her kids from the time they were born. often she couldn't distinguish between what is good and what is bad and was blinded by the desire to want to give them the freedom to be themselves. this, i must iterate, was not wrong. but what was wrong, was the fact that she did not commensurate their upbringing with inculcating good values. values of respect. all she knew was that she must not be strict on them. and with this, she allow the children to climb all over her since they were kids. it didn't help that these children were superbly brainy and thus were about to rebuke her whenever she tried to intervene in anything she didn't agree with. as a result, they grew up not learning how to respect her (or for that matter, any of us, including my parents). the children grew up into self-centred egoistic monsters with no sense of values. anything that came into their way of their desires must be removed. even if it is their parents.

associated with this was the fact that my sis, when she tried to intervene in anything that she felt was not right, focused at the action level and not at the intention or the rationale behind why things were done. as a result, over time, she lost all forms of credibility she has as a mother. and throw in the above 2 factors, it spelt hell and this led to the nail on the coffin. that whenever things went out of control, the police were summoned. hmmm... when you need an external law enforcer to intervene into the family, you have just lost your say as a parent. 

in short, she is no longer an effective person, much less, a mother, or a role model. and often, rather that rise about the children's arguments and squabbles, she would join in the fights. sighs... initially, i have tried to discourage her from partaking in the squabbles, and to let the kids be responsible for their thoughts and actions. after all, for such monsters, nothing beats letting them learn about life the hard way. let them suffer a bit of knocks here and there. and when they need help, they will get back to the family. and from another angle, these are young adults wanting to spread their wings. they are rebellious, they want to be heard. and here we have someone who resorts to all ways to stop them becos of difference in opinions. she needs to show respect. for this will then help break the cyclical nature of fights and lack of credibility that she, in the first place does not have. but she wouldn't listen. she insisted she needs to look at things from her point of view and insisted it was in their interest. 

and with this, the cyclical nature of anger, fights, frustrations, etc continue. and with every round, i get long long long smses lamenting how monstrous her kids are...

sighs...