i brought mum out this afternoon. she said she wanted to visit the temple again. and in the car, i spoke with her. the whole conversation would probably sound out of this world and illogical if you do not know her. it went something along this line...
i asked why she wanted to go to the temple as i had brought her there last week. accordingly, i said going to the temple once a month is fine. she replied that she had nioghtly dreams about someone telling her to chant. and she iterated that the domestic help is a ghost. (well, not literally, rather she meant the domestic help is out to harm her) i asked her gently why she said that and she lowered her voice and pointed her finger to the back telling me not to ask further cos the domestic help was sitting behind her... and then she said her life is terrible and said that for reasons unknown to her, she had always been meeting people who wanted to harm her (you can imagine the typical - "my life is so bitter and sorrowful" wails of someone who was wronged). and she started telling me about her past. and she related how my aunt (whom, she was convinced, wanted to steal my dad from her) wanted to harm her. she said she saw my aunt again recently and she wanted to spit at her. and she went on and on about how everyone wanted to harm her.
i let her vent and when she finally stopped, i asked her why she chose to focus on the bad and not the good. i asked her to reflect how she has her children who are good to her, who feed her, who look after her. and i asked her to reflect how good a life she has compared to some of my late aunts. but she ignored my words. instead, she said the person who had wanted to marry her (50 yrs ago) has recently returned and is now planting bad lies about her in the family. and she went on about how she had recently carried my baby brother and ran away from a particular block in macpherson. i told her this block that she spoke of had been demolished (to be frank, i was not really sure if it had indeed been demolished). but she insisted it is still around. and that if i am not convinced, i could drive her to the block and she would show me the house and the occupants she ran away from. i asked her how old my brother is and she could answer that he is 40 over years old. and when i asked again about how she could be carrying my brother away from the block recently, she couldn't answer except that i won't be able to understand how bad her life was...
well, you got the idea, the whole conversation toggle between today and 40 over years ago. i supposed this is how a person with dementia would speak. not easy to follow and many a times, one needs to really "play" along and not add to the stress of the person. for mum, her mind and behaviour had been too deeply wired up by her 50-over years of routine visiting the temple whenever she faced any challenges. as such these days, whenever she faces any problems that she couldn't make sense of, her instinct would be to visit the temple. so... yes, i shall bring her to the temple whenever i can. it calms her down. and i certainly hope my sis do not keep trying to convert her.
i asked why she wanted to go to the temple as i had brought her there last week. accordingly, i said going to the temple once a month is fine. she replied that she had nioghtly dreams about someone telling her to chant. and she iterated that the domestic help is a ghost. (well, not literally, rather she meant the domestic help is out to harm her) i asked her gently why she said that and she lowered her voice and pointed her finger to the back telling me not to ask further cos the domestic help was sitting behind her... and then she said her life is terrible and said that for reasons unknown to her, she had always been meeting people who wanted to harm her (you can imagine the typical - "my life is so bitter and sorrowful" wails of someone who was wronged). and she started telling me about her past. and she related how my aunt (whom, she was convinced, wanted to steal my dad from her) wanted to harm her. she said she saw my aunt again recently and she wanted to spit at her. and she went on and on about how everyone wanted to harm her.
i let her vent and when she finally stopped, i asked her why she chose to focus on the bad and not the good. i asked her to reflect how she has her children who are good to her, who feed her, who look after her. and i asked her to reflect how good a life she has compared to some of my late aunts. but she ignored my words. instead, she said the person who had wanted to marry her (50 yrs ago) has recently returned and is now planting bad lies about her in the family. and she went on about how she had recently carried my baby brother and ran away from a particular block in macpherson. i told her this block that she spoke of had been demolished (to be frank, i was not really sure if it had indeed been demolished). but she insisted it is still around. and that if i am not convinced, i could drive her to the block and she would show me the house and the occupants she ran away from. i asked her how old my brother is and she could answer that he is 40 over years old. and when i asked again about how she could be carrying my brother away from the block recently, she couldn't answer except that i won't be able to understand how bad her life was...
well, you got the idea, the whole conversation toggle between today and 40 over years ago. i supposed this is how a person with dementia would speak. not easy to follow and many a times, one needs to really "play" along and not add to the stress of the person. for mum, her mind and behaviour had been too deeply wired up by her 50-over years of routine visiting the temple whenever she faced any challenges. as such these days, whenever she faces any problems that she couldn't make sense of, her instinct would be to visit the temple. so... yes, i shall bring her to the temple whenever i can. it calms her down. and i certainly hope my sis do not keep trying to convert her.
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