till death do us part

interestingly enough, i think my bee was more affected than me whenever we bump into james, just like we did at project shop last evening. no, we did not speak. james did not see us. he was talking to his new bf. he has not changed. still slouches so much even when he sits.

for me, well, admittedly, it was a feeling of warmth, concern, care mixed with curiosity, and sadness for the lost closeness, disappointment and then anger, betrayal, etc... all rolled into one at the same time. but reality tell me that i'll have to take it as a `oh-ok-let's-get-along' kinda thing. there is just so much i can do, single hand can never clap alone. even as a friend. and there's no point trying to already. the hand has gotten tired. he wants it to be functional. so be it.

i have finally deleted everything... handphone number, home phone number, address, email, msn, blog, bookmarks in fridae, guyz4men, trevvy etc... well, deleting them do not mean erasing them from my memory. it can't. it had been etched into my memory. but the act in itself has such a cathartic effect. i owe myself this.

till death (of the effort) do us part...