walking with mum

had almost a whole week without my car last week. and through the week, i had to walk my mum all over the area for dinner. it was kinda tiring but well... a refreshing change. imagine me pushing a wheelchair and walking to the expo, and then take the mrt to changi airport, walk around, and then mrt back to expo and then walk back home; or home to simei for dinner and to do some shopping and back to home; or home to changi city point for dinner and shopping and then back home.. it was almost 3-hours of non-stop pushing, up and down hill, and walking and shopping nightly.

but well, it was good exercise for me i supposed. 

:-)

repaired car...

my car finally died on me last saturday (not yesterday). it happened while i was driving mum home from my brother's place. and i had to call for a tow truck and a cab in the middle of no where. what the hell right? but well... it was kinda interesting cos my car overheated along mandai road. a road where the birds don't even visit to lay eggs (literal translation of 鸟不生蛋)... haha... well, i let the car cool for a while and drove it again, and then it died again. and this time round, i decided to wait for a while, open up the radiator and pour in distilled water. but alas, i did not allow it to cool down sufficiently and next thing i knew, the whole coolant geysered out of the car! haha... anyway, it died and thankfully, i managed to drive to a small side road before it totally konked off.

i had initially wanted to kill and scrap my car but that decision came a little too late cos i had renewed my car insurance and road tax for one more year. and so, armed with this development, i decided to just repair my car. and so... after a week, i got the engine changed (managed to ask the guy to source for a second hand engine for me). and with it, the peripherals associated with the engine got changed too...  heh heh... then again, the silver lining was that the new (second hand) engine is still newer than my car. and now, my car seemed so much more powerful, the central lock got repaired, and the feel is good.

:-)

locked

i increased the security of my blog becos someone did a google and arrived at my blog. and this someone claimed to know me, email me and then asked for money. i am not good with people asking for monies and i am even more pissed off with people i don't know asking for monies.

don't they feel embarrassed?

wtf...

world war z

caught this show on friday midnight with bee.

interesting take on how viral mutation crossed over from canine to human and spread out of control.

noticed that lately there has been an increasing number of films that deal with this topic. i supposed it reflects an increased awareness of how diseases are spreading rather crazily these days. and to a certain extend, how nature is fighting back and that the ones that suffered are human beings, the only species on earth that is capable of destroying earth for its own needs...

mother nature is getting back! hmmm... doesn't that sound a lot like avatar?

and oh, since i am on the topic of this show, there are a few things that is interesting to note.

• i think brad pitt can win the billion dollar lucky draw... and if he is a cat, he would have 9000 lives! i mean, i cannot comprehend how he could survived the many attacks, survived the plane crash, plane so accurately crashed near the place he wanted to go, that despite the injury, he could walk to the research center, and at the research center, he was not discovered by the living dead, how he found the right bottle of antigens amongst the many bottles, and through all these, not get himself killed...

• other than 1 dog that appeared on the plane, the film did not show what happened to other animals... 

• and talking about animals, with so much skies and aerial shots... there was not a single bird.

darned, i am just too serious.

haha...

:-)

going on course

will be in kl week 3 jul. 5 days. and i am thinking of booking one more day so that i need not rush after the course to catch the plane. 

then again, i will be alone (colleagues don't count). 

break but not a break. looking forward, yet not looking forward.

i am so 矛盾

hmmm...

happy yet disappointed

was a day of happiness and disappointment. happy cos both during lunch and dinner, there were gay men who turned  their heads and look at me with cruisy eyes. it's been a long while since i got such attention and endorsement.

but on the other hand, i was disappointed that the gay men looking at me were less than cute looking... (diplomatically speaking)

:-(

lol!

i'm special

a friend tells me i'm weird 

to be missing hazie 

i thought about it 

and i disagree

instead, i miss hazie becos 

i am special

special people are
unique and colorful

just like the fact 

that i am gay

and highly comfortable with it

;-)

it's about one's attitude...

the haze has affected much of our lives lately and is likely to stay on at least for the next couple of months, so said the prime minister.

yes, it is indeed something that should be taken seriously as it will affect one's health and well-being in the long term. and as for me, someone who has an elderly person who has respiratory problems, i should be even more careful. and thus far, as i reflected about the whole haze thing, about my reactions to it vs some of my friend's reaction to it, etc, i came to this conclusion - how one react to a crisis has a direct impact on one's well-being. in short, it is about one's attitude towards an issue. 

let me explain.

over the last few days, while i was conscious of the health problems, the burning smell, the stinking feel i get in my eyes etc, i was actually quite happy and excited about it. and rather than complain about it, i actually embraced it and lived with it. happily, for that matter. i read up about it, prepared myself for it, checked the news about it and lived with it. i adopted the attitude that if i can't change it, might as well do the most out of it. and so, rather than see the smog, i told my mind it looked like mist. and with that, my mind relaxed. i imagined i was on holiday. and rather than bitch about it and complain, i joked about it. laughter has a wonderful way of relaxing a person. and when i am relaxed, my mind is clear and i can be proactive about the it. i bought a air purifier when i sensed things turning bad. i changed my daily routines. instead of bringing mum out to hawker centers, i brought her to shopping center food courts, i treated her to korean food, etc. in short, i turned the gloom and doom to something more cheery. and sensing worsening psi, i prepared myself and bought food to cook at home rather than go out, i turned on the air con, etc. and i lived through it rather happily. in fact, i surprised myself... considering i am quite a pessimistic person. and funnily, i actually felt a sense of "lost" when the haze cleared. it is like as though a friend had gone away.

compared to some of my friends, they bitched about it, got worried about it, and instead of reading up about the situation and preparing themselves for it, they chose to listen to rumours, or worst still, spread misinformation. the thing about misinformation is that it add on to their unfounded fears founded on their ignorance. imagined this - i got this news from a well-intentioned friend (who is really very nice in real life, but a bit of a drama mama queen in normal days and who as the habits of dramatizing things) who, rather than reading up, chose to forward the misinformation to me. the news he forwarded had been forwarded from someone who has a relative's relative's relative la la la's cousin's boyfriend who is a phd student in nus and said that the haze (esp the 2.5 microns particles) will cause cancer to everyone. and that everyone must carry an umbrella when they go out (on the day it hit 401) cos the our government has decided to seed the clouds as a last resort and that if people don't carry umbrella, they risk getting burned by acid rain. ya, when i read that i was like - wtf! yeah, wtf right? hmmm... but yeah, i do appreciate the concern and the efforts to forward the sms to me. thank you my friend. anyway, quite a few too, i noticed, got sick not fully becos of the haze, but becos of their fears. it was quite scary. in fact, they reached a point where they were so frightened they closed themselves to facts, and worst still, turned cynical about news...

and as always, there are lessons learned.

and in this case, it's about one's attitude.

and yes, i do miss hazie a little...

lol!

ps: this is my 3000th post!

save my world

this is one of the best production so far...

and well, i don't the guys are particularly cute, but i think there is a certain aura about them. i supposed it is the energy and the whole production that made the video so engaging. and against the current backdrop of the haze, this message in this video becomes so much more poignant.

and oh, my niece gets very excited and would mime along and dance whenever this song plays on tv.

:-)

hazie...

it's funny, but with the skies clearing somewhat, i kinda miss hazie...

lol!

401!!!

the psi hit 401 level at noon today! it was a record high for singapore!

and from the photo/ map published, it seemed like singapore is right in the center of the thickest part of the haze the moment we hit 401. then again, since 401 is the 3-hour running average, and the 2 readings at 10am and 11am was below 400, it only meant that the reading was actually closer to, or perhaps, even above 500. and interestingly, despite the air of anticipation, gloom and doom, i did notice that there were also lots of jokes being made about the situation (such as below's attempt on the acronym "psi"). 

• psi - pollutant standards index (official)
• psi - please stay indoor
• psi - please strangle indonesia
• all sorts of photos to represent the different levels of psi... lol!

i supposed this is one of the things many of us do to manage stress. cos since we cannot control it, might as well make the best out of it. right? haha... and as for me, apart from all the jokes i cracked about the haze, i actually thought it was quite exciting that the psi hit pass the 400-mark. there was actually an air of excitement and anticipation for me. and also, as i looked out of the window as i travelled on the coach to the airport for lunch, the blur scene i saw and the cold air i felt from the blasting of the coach air con actually made me feel like i was on a tour in some cold temperate country. very nice... heh heh...

:-)

top picture from http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-22998592

n95 masks

waaaaa.... walking out of my office for lunch, i see a huge crowd of people wearing n95 masks! macam (malay for "like as tho") a scene from a movie where there's a huge environmental catastrophe! 

... oh wait, there IS a huge environmental catastrophe!!!

heh!

ps: then again, looking at some of the n95 mask, it makes the person wearing it look like a duck, and for some other model, the person looks like he has a male ballet dancer's crotch/ bulge on his face, and for that matter, a huge one too! hahahaha!

picture from http://www.dw.de

my hazy thoughts

my thoughts when i see people not wearing masks - mmm zai see ah!!! 

my thoughts when i see people wearing masks - tsk tsk tsk, good effort, but haiz... not effective la...

my thoughts when i see people wearing n95 masks - drama mama....

hmmmm.... i am a typical singaporean!

psi 290

screenshot of the singapore national environment agency website

today at 9pm, the pollutant standards index (psi) level in singapore hit 290! and then it climbed up to 321 at 10pm. wtf! and as usual, when something like this happened, my routines and my life would be affected. at the same time, i will have all sorts of thoughts going through my head. here are a few:

• i am very glad that i purchased an air purifier last evening. at least this evening was highly bearable and with all the air con switched on (which is really rare for me), i was able to make sure mum breathes well.

• and much as i had never imagined it to happen, it did. the haze made me decide, in the interest of good health, and in all common sense, to cancel meeting bee this evening. it was supposed to one one of the few occasions to meet in the evening... anyway, he fell asleep and didn't respond. so... heh heh...

• poor sapphie kept sneezing and sniffling, in her attempts to force out the smog when i brought her out of the house to pee. and so, her routine outings became very short and very rushed. but well... all in the name of health, her health.

• a lame joke: "i feel so australian... cos whenever people ask me about the weather, i would say "haiz"... geddit? geddit? (you need to be singaporean or hokkien to geddit... heh!)

• some positive thinking: close all your doors and windows, blast your air con, open up your reclining chair, sit by the window (or glass door), look out into the haze, and imagine your are in the highlands of some temperate country... holiday siah...

• some more positive thinking: "die! mosquito, die!" with the current dengue season going on, perhaps tomorrow, singapore would suddenly declare "dengue season is over!"? hmmm... long shot, very long shot... then again, how can i possibly be so evil as to wish death to a living thing like the small mosquito?... bad me!

• and thinking about it, i suddenly felt a wave of sadness when i thought about all the helpless creatures out there in the open... the snails, the ants, the mosquitos, the stray dogs (compared to sapphie), cats, etc... they are all suffering the haze with no protection... i feel so helpless at the same time.

• and then i thought about those working while i take refuge in the cool comforts of my home. and i do pray that they will all take good care of themselves. and i remembered my condo security guards. they are still working while we are resting. and with this, i took a pack of face mask and i passed it to them at the guardhouse.

please let this haze go soon. please.

haiz...

the things we do...

yup, the things we do to protect our kids... and have a laugh at it in the process...

sapphie with the wt* look!

darned! the psi level at 10pm has climbed up to the unhealthy levels of 155! 

:-)

wth!

小白，小黑和domo in protective gear against the haze... (by bee bee)

and no, i don't mean "what the hell", i mean, what the haze!!! the haze has been getting from bad to worst. and from a moderate-level, it has worsen to unhealthy level of psi 152 as at 9pm this evening! terrible! and it is making my breathing difficult and my eyes has started tearing.

view of the singapore flyer from nicholl highway @ 7pm

i really hope something can be done to educate the people in indonesia to stop burning things. or perhaps, make the businessmen behind to stop being greedy and be more eco-friendly. their short term gains by burning and destroying forests is at the expense of long term damages that affects everyone (including their descendants)! arggghhhh!

view of suntec city / cbd area from nicholl highway @ 7pm

then again, the silver lining behind this is that hopefully, the smog will also disrupt the breeding cycle of dengue spreading mosquitoes.

:-]

life

quick thought - i consider myself happy cos i have had the chance to experience life at its highest n lowest... although i must say when i was at its lowest, i curse at everything n when i was at its highest, i was oblivious to it, until it was gone.

i need to be more mindful.

stomach flu

started feeling bloated last afternoon after lunch. and it was downhill from then on. by the time i arrived home after work, i was half dead. my stomach felt very uncomfortable, and i started to break into cold sweats. it came to a point where i vomited and everything i had in the day came out. couldn't take it and went to bed at 9pm. through the night, i ran a fever, coughed and my stomach continued churning non-stop. and i drifted in and out of sleep, dreaming about work in between. very uncomfortable.

went to the doctor this morning. diagnosed to have stomach flu.

took the medicine and slept through the day...

getting walloped in my dreams

i had a weird dream last week. and it was kinda out of no where too. here's the dream...

i was walking out of a performance (think it was a drama performance) with bee, and i found myself walking along a dimly lit walkway. bee was no where to be found. and ahead of me i saw james (my ex). he gave me a funny look, the kinda look like i know you but i won't talk to you type of look. we did not talk. in fact, the whole dream was quiet, still. 

i continued walking along the dimly lit walkway. and soon enough, someone stopped me. and without any warning, he grabbed my chin and pushed me upwards against the wall. i couldn't move and his grip was tight. and next thing i knew, a few of his friends surrounded me. he let go of his grip, i fell to the ground. and then he started kicking me in the stomach. it was a sharp kick...

and i was rudely shocked out of my sleep...

panting and sweating, i laid on my bed. and i realized it was a dream.

and soon enough, i fell asleep again.

what can i make out of this dream?

hmmm...

see hum!

see hum, chicken wings and beer... after our fish slice soup w/ rice dinner

it's been a terribly long time since i last had half-cooked see hum (cockles)! 

and i got a plate of it during dinner with mum this evening! 

yumzzzz!

:-)

busy day

been a busy day, but everything fell into place...

well you see, yesterday, i ordered 2 cartons of diapers for mum and forgot to pay by visa and was afraid they'd send today and i had to pay them cash. so i wrote in to the pharmacy and they cancelled my order. and my car had died and i was supposed to get the service person to come down to my house to replace the battery, and i couldn't do all these becos i had to work. and at work today, it was meeting after meeting, then what happened was, i was having lunch and rushing for a post-lunch meeting when mum called. i feel sick, and i want to see the doctor, she said. i asked if she could wait till after my office hours and she said no. and then she asked me to take a taxi to pick her from the elderly rehab to see the doctor right away...

hmm... i had no choice but to ask my boss to let me go off after lunch. and i took the cab, picked her from the elderly rehab, came home, picked up her wheelchair, and then went down straight to see the doctor. and when we reached home (that was when i saw sapphie's puke), i realized it was only about 4pm. hey, i had some extra time to sort out the car battery and re-order the diapers... and after that, i even managed to catch a quick afternoon nap before bringing mum out for dinner...

everything just simply fell into place. very nice!

heh heh...

car died again...

anyway, my car died on me again 3 days ago. but i wasn't perturbed. in fact, i thought it was funny and had a good laugh over it.

what happened was, last saturday, at about 10pm, i said i wanted to head out for a drive and possibly to eat some dessert. and mum, in her usual suspicious mood, said she wanted to go with me. it kinda surprised me cos usually she would feel sleepy by that time and would head off to bed. and so i did not stop her, instead, i happily said it was good that she wanted to head out and asked her to put on her diapers and to prepare for the outing. 

happily and excitedly, she changed up and soon enough, we made our way down to the car. and we even brought the dog along. after all, it was gonna be an evening drive and it would be a nice breezy drive for the dog too. we got into the car and i tried to start it... brrrr... brrrr... brrrr.... it refuse to ignite. and after a few tries, i concluded the battery had gone kapoot. and with that, we made our way home. and that was how my car died...

and for the next couple of days, i did not have a car. on sunday, i had to push her (using her wheelchair) out for dinner and we had to walk almost half an hour to reach to shopping center. and yesterday, she didn't complain about my coming home a bit later cos she knew i couldn't drive the car... heh heh... anyway... i got the battery changed today. 

s$180 poorer...

vomitted out

finally 2 days after sapphie walloped 10 dumplings, everything came out from the mouth! raffia strings, mushrooms, bamboo leaves... i bet she must have felt very relieved. heh heh. 

:-)

hungry ghost dog

sapphie with her paws all stuck with glutinous rice and bamboo leaves

"hungry ghost dog" in hokkien means yao kwee kao (aka glutton dog). haha... well, what happened was, i went out for dinner with mum after making the dumpling. and before we left, i packed 10 dumplings for my sis. and i left message with my sis to pick it from my dining table. as we were walking around in the shopping center, my sis called me.... "sapphie ate the chang! and the whole floor is strewn with all the bamboo leaves!"

sighs... i had forgotten sapphie has the bad habit of climbing up the table to steal food. let's hope she does not get indigestion tonight...

darned!

bak chang 2013

process of cooking the meat... 4hrs of non-stop stewing

was a busy weekend for me making bak chang. my version of bak chang for that matter. and this year, i changed the recipe a little bit. i add oyster sauce to the glutinous ice. also, i refined the method of cooking the meat. for a start, i used to dice the raw meat previously and it was one helluva difficult. so this year, what i did was that i boiled the meat till it was almost cook, and then i dice them. very easy cos cooked meat is hard and easier to cut. and for the stock, i used them to cook the meat. the whole process was very much less bloody and faster. as for the winter melon, sugar and coriander seed powder, i added them when the meat was cooked and almost done. and the sequence was (1) coriander seed powder, (2) sugar, and (3) winter melon. this way, the coriander seed powder will not get burned (burned powder is bitter to taste), the sugar will be nicely melted, and the winter melon will remain intact. intact winter melon will add to the texture and sweetness of the dumplings. ok... that's all for this year's bak chang!

the product after 2 hours of wrapping and boiling

meat
4kg of meat (wu hua rou)
300g of heh bee (dried shrimps soaked for 3 hours)
1 large packet (300g) dried shiitake mushroom (soaked overnight & sliced)
15 large onions (diced)
10 garlics (chopped)
250g of sweetened preserved winter melon (diced 5mm)

seasonings for meat
2 packets of coriander powder
white pepper powder (to taste)
200g of white sugar
light soya sauce (to taste)
dark soya (to taste and to colour)
50 mil of sesame oil
50 mil of oil (vegetable)
50 mil of lard (optional)
1 tablespoon msg (optional)

rice
5kg of glutinous rice (soaked for 3 hours)

seasonings for rice
white pepper powder (to taste)
10 mil of sesame oil
20 mil of oil (vegetable)
10 garlics (chopped)
1.5 tablespoon salt (or to taste)
oyster sauce (to taste)
half cup gravy from the cooking of the meat
1 tablespoon msg (optional)
pandan leaves (about 7, cut 5cm long and sliced vertically)

others
120 bamboo leaves (washed in hot water and soaked overnight)
rafia strings (tied into 10s of 50cm long) (1 roll makes about 12 bundles of 10s)
pandan leaves (2 stalks) cut to 2cm strips (for inserting into the dumplings)

cold war

my mum started waging a cold war on me since yesterday. 

last evening, my sis brought dinner to the house when i went to collect my car. i returned home to a tense environment. later learned that she (my sis) lost her patience with mum and raised her voice at her. sighs. in the end, mum also stopped talking to my sis. and then, she went to bed at 7.45pm and claimed that she had taken her medication (which i doubted). and she insisted on not taking the dinner when i offered it to her. while trying to sleep, she started coughing and i got her the cough syrup. again, she vehemently rejected it and kept saying that she is better off dead. i let her be and went to bed. she too eventually fell asleep close to midnight. this morning, she continued to refuse to talk to me. i asked why and what have i done wrong that made her so angry. again, she refused to answer, choosing to look away and not look at me.

well, there is nothing much i can do except to continue to engage her. i supposed all old people behave this way when they are old? no different from little babies throwing tantrums...

second childhood?

post-comment: she started talking me again when i brought her out for dinner... things seemed a little less tense for now.

2 days mc

i finally went to my family doctor after my car was towed to the workshop. the doctor conducted some checks on me and suggested i should rest. and he asked - what would you prefer? one or two days mc?

well, 2 days of cos! 

:-)

picture from www.targetcw.com

died on me

the car on tow to the workshop... @ lorong ah soo/ eunos link junction

my car died on me this morning.

it was an interesting affair. what happened was that after collecting mum's medication from the mental hospital, theengine of my car began to emit a loud rattling sound. much louder than what it used to be. and next thing i knew, the engine died and my car began to "cruise" in the middle of the road. i steered it to the side and that was when i realized the brake had also stopped working. imagine being in a moving car and that the brake had died! and so, i decided to pull my handbrake. it came to a immediate halt. and i called the tow truck company... 

after arranging for the towing, i hung up. and i tried to start the car again. it started! and so, i called the tow truck company to cancel the recovery. i started driving my car and the rattling sound got even louder. some 800m to 1km down the road, the car died again. and i had to slowly steer it to the roadside. this time round, it really died. 

after about half hour's wait, the tow truck came. 

i sense the repair cost this time round will cost me a bomb...

haiz...

post-comment: just collected my car. more than s$400 damage... 

emo nemo

i have to head to the mental hospital to get mum's prescription today. and i decided to also head off to the clinic to get some medicine for my flu and fever. and i told mum about it this morning. and next thing i knew, she also claimed to be very sick and wants to follow me. she said she also wanted to see the doctor. i totally wasn't up to it to bring her along, not when i have to carry the wheelchair, look after her etc... just not up to it with my lingering fever and body aches. and so, i told her that it would be preferable if she goes to the rehab in the daytime and i will bring her to the clinic in the evening.

and she asked why she couldn't come along. i told her i needed the rest after seeing the doctor and that if she's around i will worry about her well-being. i asked for her understanding to allow me to rest alone at home today. that was when she went haywire. i can only guess she started getting suspicious about my wanting to be alone and became emotional, grouchy and started throwing tantrums. it was very draining.

anyway, despite me giving in eventually to bring her along, she refused. and she kept on saying that i find her troublesome...

i really do not need all these nonsense from her. 

for now, i just wanna rest.

picture from www.layoutsparks.com

ouch...

think I'm coming down with a terrible flu. been having this heaty feeling and have been drowning myself with water and herbal tea. have had a bad case of mouth ulcer for the past 2 weeks as a result of biting my own tongue and lips. and just when i thought things are improving, my throat began to hurt. it felt terribly dry and parched through the last 2 nights. and for unknown reasons, i am starting to lose my voice today. my whole body hurts and feels like they are falling apart. and now, i am starting to have runny nose and felt a fever developing. gotta see the doctor tomorrow. i need to rest.

and my colleagues asked if it is dengue.

choy!

post-comment: as at 10pm, i am running a slight fever. my temperature is 37.8 degrees celsius.

picture from www.overcomingmultiplesclerosis.org

busy busy busy...work

been pretty caught up with work these days. and things seemed to come in waves. even before i can clearly define what i need to do, my immediate head wants me to do some things for him, things that i felt belongs to his area of responsibility and not mine. and he also wants me to develop some new initiatives and i understand this is something that my top management wants to see done (by yesterday). and even before i can say "the", my chief called me to his office today and asked me to review all processes in the department. and of cos, although he said he will assemble a team for it and to start the review in 2-3 weeks time, i am sure, given my observation of him over the past 2 months, that he would want everything to be done by yesterday too. and this is kinda tricky cos i would be treading dangerous political grounds as i undertake this review cos every processes belong to the ops people and i am not even sure if the ops head is aware of what i am tasked to do. darned! must see how things go. if need be, i will want my chief to open doors for me and to make it clear that the task given to me is to be seen as a positive thing and not an attempt to uncover flaws or to penalize people.

and as for me, i will try to psyche myself that this is a positive development cos they will allocate things to me only if they think i am useful to them and that i can deliver. but the flip side to this is i will die cock standing if things keep tsunami-ing this way in my direction... will see how, if this keeps coming and i cannot handle anymore, i will shout out loud to them...

hmmm....

picture from processspecialist.com

walking vs bus ride

i have decided. henceforth, i shall walk to and from work, regardless of how hot or humid the weather is. all these while, i have pondered if it would be faster and less strenuous for me to take the public bus to work. after all, my workplace is some 1.7km away and it would take me some 20minutes to walk there. but of cos, what kept me from doing so was the fact that the public bus would take me a little further away from my workplace and i would have to back-track a bit to get to office via the singapore expo. it is like as though the workplace is located between me and the bus-stop. well... 

anyway, as a routine, on mondays where i have to head for my chiro after work, i would pack food for mum during lunchtime for her dinner. and i would walk home, only to then walk back to office after dropping off the food. and as usual, i would be drenched with my perspiration from walking in the afternoon sun. and so today, i decided to take the public transport.

and guessed what!?! bluddy hell, it took me some 10 min to wait for the bus, board the bus and travel a  2-bus stop distance, and then take a 15minute walk to office. all in all, it took me almost an hour to get to work. and to make things worst, i have to jostle and squeeze amongst the expo-going crowd during the walk! and added to that, i have to pay for the trip, which was anything but scenic and relaxing to the eye!

doh!

humongous snail

such a huge snail... captured here beside my work shoes

i was walking home from work and was at my condo downstairs when i saw this freaking huge snail! must have measured 4-5 inches long! but of cos, i am sure it can grow even larger in time to come. anyway, i did what i had to do. i picked it up and placed it in the grass patch outside my condo. it should have a larger playground and food source there!

:-)

where is your heart

"in life, it is not what we do that is important, but rather, 

where we place our heart when we do what we do...."

this thought crossed my mind when i was leaving the temple and where i saw (and overheard) lots of people praying and asking for favors; and many more asking for material wealth. for many moments, i wondered if these people have missed the point about religion altogether. i also wondered if they had, in asking for wishes to be fulfilled, objectivize and reduce the concept of god to that of a businessman and the concept of religion to that of a trade? i don't mean to ridicule but i seriously think, and i am sure many do too, that we believe in a particular faith to help us be better people. then again, what do i mean when i say "better people"? and that is when i framed the sentence above.

of cos, many other things also went through my mind. and these include whether there is such a thing called supernatural or god? and when things they pray for come true (and many would swear by it),  many devotees attribute it to the "effectiveness" of their god. some people i know went as far as changing their religion cos they felt the other god is more effective than the one they originally believe in. i actually find it quite funny. that probably reflect the ultimate treatment of god as a provider or a doctor - if western medicine don't work, try traditional chinese medicine (or vice versa). lol! but back to the point about praying for things and getting it. could it also be a case of their commitment to the deed subconsciously that put things in positive reinforcing loops that lead to realization? hmmm... whatever the reason may be, i am sure that everyone of us, regardless of reasons, visit places of worship for specific reasons, even if it is just to relax our minds. and we certainly feel much better when we leave.

heh heh... my mind just went one big round... 

i think too much!

picture from www.jonathanhill.me

arbutus

canned arbutus/ arbutus drinks. something that i really enjoy as a kid but no longer found in our local supermarkets, and hawker centers. managed to buy a box of fresh ones cos this period is arbutus season and really enjoyed the mild fruity aroma and juicy flesh!

:-)

of snails & sluts

ok, not sluts. but slugs.

anyway... these days, i spend a lot of time saving snails and slugs... and i do so when i walk to work in the mornings, or during my evening exercises. just this evening, i think i have saved some 60-80 snails/ slugs. perhaps it is becos of the frequent rain these days, suddenly, there are hundreds and hundreds of snails and slugs crawling (or perhaps a more appropriate term would be "sliding") all over the place. there are those escargot ones (garden snails), those curly wurly coin-sized ones, conical ones and so on. and they come in all sizes! hmmm, for a biology graduate, i don't sound very biologists to describe them as such...

anyway, these poor creatures crawl (of all places) into the car park, onto cement paths as well as onto the roads. and invariably, many of them get crushed by joggers, cars, bikes, etc. and becos they move so "fast", they sometimes got attacked and become a meal for some ant colonies. poor thing right? even with their extended pair of eyes that stretch like crazy above their body like 2 torchlights, they can hardly see far. looking from their perspective, i think they probably can see only as far as until the first blade of grass blocks their view. and so, with my god's eye view, i would know if they are heading into hell. and so, i would pick them up and throw them to somewhere safe, at least from my human perspective. i would throw them into the middle of the grass patch. of cos, at times when i come across a mass orgy of snails by the side of them road, i would respect their intimate moments and leave them alone to finish what they are doing before i pick them up and make them fly into safe grounds.

then again, i do not know if what i am doing is the right thing from their perspective. for all i know, they may have spend the whole evening crawling to cross the road and i came along and throw them back to their start point! or worst still, after throwing them into the middle of the grass field/ patch, they may get disoriented and become topo-kings and queens and get lost in the middle of the grass jungle and die alone as a result... argghhh....

ok, i think too much...

doh!

picture from www.newsmax.com

dementia?

i thought today is thursday and so i ironed and changed into my executive wear this morning. i was about to leave for work when mum told me today is friday. realizing my mistake, i went back to my room and changed to smart casual as fridays are dressed down days... hmmm... 

at times, dementia persons think clearer than non-dementia persons.

lol!

he wants to rape me...

after my dental treatment i brought mum to the coffee shop and she asked to eat some snacks there. and as it was crowded, a man signaled for us to join his table. come come, he said. i am buying takeaway, so you can have the table for your food. we thanked him and soon enough, mum started eating her food. that was when the man started a conversation with us... oh, is she peranakan? my grandma is, you know? and peranakans have very beautiful accessories... etc etc etc. and he went on about how his grandma left her accessories to her children and grandchildren after she passed away. soon enough, his food came. before he left, he handed me his name card, i am retired by the way. and i operate a shop at chinatown. do drop by and visit me sometime ok? he said. and with that he walked off, with a limp and a walking stick.

hmm... quite weird. why would anyone be so friendly? but certainly as a stranger, i thought he was a little too friendly. then again, i might just be a little sensitive. i simply didn't think too much about it. but not mum... despite smiling and giving a few nods here and there during the conversation, she didn't say anything and happily ate her food. and as i walked her to the car park, she said... just now that man who talked to you... he has the sex maniac look. just look at the lustful look on his face, i am sure he has designs on me. i think he wants to rape me...

errrrrrrr... i was very amused with her thoughts, her reasonings and her words. they reek of paranoia, and suspicions. must be her early stage dementia again, i thought. anyway, i tried to lighten the mood and brushed it off by saying that she is already 80-plus (i was trying to be diplomatic and not resort to saying she is no longer attractive... heh). and i went further to rationalize with her by asking how he could possibly do anything to her given his handicapped legs. and my mum's reply?

well, if a man is as lustful as him, he would even do an 80-plus years old woman like me...

i changed the topic of our conversation immediately.

lol...

dentist...

finally went to the dentist this evening after a year plus. i think this was probably the longest period i have not gone to the dentist for i used to be very discipline with the 6-monthly visits through the years. i supposed it was, in part, due to my unemployment cos (1) i didn't feel any discomfort with my teeth, (2) i need to be careful with my spendings and visits to the dentists can be a very expensive affair, and (3) being unemployed, i couldn't make any claims. anyway, my teeth had been feeling rather achy these past 2 weeks. and it was so uncomfortable i couldn't really eat. and to make matters worst, i had (and still have) 2 major ulcers in my mouth following the unfortunate cases of biting my own lips and tongue last week during meals. and that was what i did this evening. brought mum along cos the appointment was after dinner and mum waited for me while i undergo the treatment. and guess what...

i walked into the treatment room, told the dentist about my tooth aches and at the same time asked for a good scaling to be done. and the dentist started doing her checks, and in no time, she went oh sir, i think your gum has receded and exposed your base of your teeth, that's why you feel the aches. and oh, there is a cavity here... and here... and here... and here... no, they are not big but i do suggest you cover them up cos that is why you are feeling the aches... ok, i said, do what needs to be done i thought aloud, and at the same time i wondered how this could be so cos i do not eat much sweet stuff and have been observing very strict oral hygiene. but before i could go further, she added, that would be SGD40 per filling, and there are (she pointed to the different tooth with her tools as she counted)... one, two, me me me me... six altogether! for a while i sensed an air of jubilation in her words. whatever... i agreed for her to proceed. never think twice about negotiating with a dentist with your mouth open, i thought. and with my agreement, she started the scaling. drill drill drill she went. and soon enough, she completed the scaling. and quickly, she added, oh sir, as i cleaned your front teeth, i noted a cavity at the rear of the teeth, i suggest you replace the filling ok? i agreed and straight away, she followed that would be additional SGD70. and with that, the dentist started with her drilling... frankly, as she drilled, and despite the few occasions where i twitched when she hit the nerves, my mind drifted away. i tried computing how much i had to pay. but i could't concentrate. not when the brrrrrrr kept whirling in my mouth. after a while, my mind just blanked off. and before long, the treatment ended...

i walked out SGD374.50 poorer. 

haha... 

chao sng food

for some reasons or other, i seemed to have the unfortunate experiences of eating stale food at the hawker center these 2 weeks. it was weird cos it had never happened to me before. but over the last 2 weeks, it occurred twice.

first time it happened was last week. brought mum to bedok hawker center for breakfast as as usual i would buy vegetarian for her. and considering it was during my pre-vesak vegetarian diet days, i decided to also purchase my own breakfast from the same stall. and when i bit into the tau kwa, it tasted sour. well, it wasn't that bad, just a tat sourish, and i finished my food. i then spoke to the hawker and he was very apologetic about it and offered to return me the money for the food (although i refused to accept). he was also very thankful to me for telling him. i could see him trying out the food himself. i left the place feeling good cos my feedback had allowed him to take a closer look at his food.

and this evening, at the same hawker center, i tasted stale prawns in the hokkien prawn noodles. two out of the 3 prawns had turned slightly stale. nonetheless, i ate them and since the hawker was not around, i gave the feedback to the stall assistant. well, she seemed rather surprised with my feedback and said that perhaps it was becos the prawns had been left in the open since lunch. she spoke to the hawker when he returned and from a distance, it looked like he gave her a dressing down and brushed off the feedback. 2 similar incidents, but 2 very different response. 

well... whatever the case, let's hope both hawkers tighten up on their food management. this time round, things didn't seemed to flare up and there didn't seemed to be any food poisoning cases reported. they might not be so lucky the next time round... 

filipinos & filipinas

i had the opportunity to visit the philippines last week to conduct a workshop for the top management of my subsidiary office. it was a short 3-day duration (that actually was a one day affair) and my stay was almost entirely restricted to the hotel, except for a 1-hour drive around the suburb city. nonetheless, i found the trip rather interesting. or more specifically, the people i interacted with were rather liberal (in a sexual way). here's why...

firstly, the subsidiary has quite a few female staff in the senior ranks. and i was surprised when, during dinner, one of the guys asked me if i knew their marital status, i.e., whether they were married or not. and he went down the names, one by one... is she married? i heard, she's not... how about her, i think she was but no longer now... how about this other one?... that was the gist of the whole conversation where this guy tried to figure out/ extract from me information about their marital status. and he added that in today's world, woman who are up tend to be unmarried, and how woman's role would be more balanced if they had kept themselves to the house... haha. how's that for being sexist!? and the irony was - this guy seemed rather henpecked, judging by how often he had to answer his phone and to report his whereabouts to his wife... hmmm...

secondly, as it was an official dinner, everybody had to dress up for the occasion. and amongst the staff was this 50-plus year old auntie (who's also a member of the senior management staff). she appeared in a very nice light brown-colour silk-like material blouse and had a black shawl draped over her shoulder. she certainly looked very presentable and well co-ordinated. nonetheless, the light brown colour of her blouse matched her skin tone and it was not too long before her lady boss commented that she looked naked from afar. if i were her, i would have blushed straight-away from embarrassment and be self-conscious. but this auntie (who reminded me of mrs aquino, the well-respected late ex-president of the philippines) simply brushed it off with a oh is it? rather diva, i must say, and so unlike her auntie image. and then she whipped out her mobile, struck a pose, smiled and took a photo of herself. she then took a looked at the photo and said something in tagalog to people around her. well, of cos i couldn't understand tagalog and didn't quite understand what she said. but i caught quite a few words such as "naked", "cleavage", "big breast". and coming from an auntie, wasn't it a tat unexpected and surprising? lol!

last but not least, it was this interesting lady who went around telling people the effects alcohol had on her. you see, we had cocktail before dinner and was served. and a few of the staff, including the lady boss drank. the lady boss also went around offering wine to all her staff. it so happened that this particular lady staff, who looked like the party-sort despite her close to 50 years of age, declined politely. and when asked why, she replied that she wanted to be a good host and not be subjected to the effects of wine. and she added that it was becos i will get horny when i drink wine... i was quite speechless when she told me that and i didn't know how to react, other than to smile shyly. but i think it was just me, cos all her other male colleagues seemed pretty ok with it and chatted along with her as though it was the most normal thing to say... hmmm... i will never even tell my male colleagues when i get horny!

from this simple 3 incidents, and much as i dislike generalizing, i concluded that perhaps this is something that reflects the filipino society as a whole. a very male chauvinistic society, yet very liberal when it comes to verbalizing sex-related issues. 

quite interesting right? 

:-)

nuisance!

the auto-correct function can be quite a nuisance at times!

haha!

not slipped disc

well, as a follow-up to the a&e visit where the doctor told me my bad back was a slipped disc, i visited the orthopedic specialist earlier this week. and guess what? the specialist, who is a senior consultant, concluded that it was not a slipped disc after all.

he concluded so after taking x-rays of my spine in an flexion and extension posture (i.e, x-ray of my spine when i bend forward and bend backward). he added that if the injury was any more serious, it would be a serious case of slipped disc. and from what he could see from the x-rays, the bone looked rather loose but measurements of the space between the vertebrae suggest that it is still within certain comfort limit that would not warrant further treatments such as going for mri etc (whatever that means...). nonetheless, he concluded that it was a very bad sprain and predicted that by the time i hit 50 (which is about 3-4 years time), the back could possibly deteriorate to the point where i would need a major surgery to fuse some of the vertebrae. otherwise, i might be in very bad shape and would suffer tremendous pains due to frequent slipped discs...

hmm... does not sound optimistic. but that was probably the best diagnosis he could give. according to him, this is something that a lot of military personnel experience after their service and it could be attributed to long periods of excessive strains and frequent use of the back/ spine from long marches, trainings, runs etc. and for now, his advice to me is to strengthen my core muscles, do light runs, and maintain my health to the best i could. as for the pains that i still feel, he prescribed some anti-inflammatory medicine and told me that it would probably be 3-4 months more before i fully recover...

haiz.

happy vesak 2557

as usual, bee and i and kl's family participated in the 3-steps-1-bow ceremony at kmspks last night. thankfully, the rain that forced a temporary stop to the ceremony at 10pm petered off eventually and the ceremony proceeded as planned after that. we were initially worried that it would be cancelled again, like last year. nonetheless, the wait was a long one and we only got to start the whole ceremony at about 4am. and for once, i donned my buddhist robes. i thought the robe was a size too big cos i kept stepping on the robe when i stood up. haha... anyway, i did not prostrate throughout the ceremony. halfway through i felt my back tightening and decided to just bow. i couldn't risk another sprained back. 

it was about 6.30am when i started my drive home. i was worried about how mum would react to my coming home at daybreak. my heart grew heavy and just as i parked my car, my phone rang. she demanded to know why i was not home yet. she gave an unconvinced and unhappy hmpph! to my explanation that the ceremony started late. and as to be expected, i came home to a highly suspicious mum who looked at me from the side of her eyes and with a face that was blacker than black.  i offered her a cai tau kuay (chinese carrot cake) that i had taken from the temple but she rejected it. i simply left it with her, spoke to her in normal tones and did what i needed to do - i brought the dog for her morning pee, took a shower and went to bed.

i was woken up about 10am by the sound of the main door opening and mum's voice. she was talking to someone. worried that something had happened, i jumped out of bed and rushed out of my room. i saw her holding the door and there was a bald person at the lift landing. as i didn't have my glasses on, i could only guess it was the filipino neighbor. when mum saw me, she quickly slammed her door shut. i asked mum what she was doing... i noted she was holding her handbag. assuming she wanted to go out i questioned where she wanted to go. it was then that i noticed she looked flustered, her hair was messed up and there was thickened sputum on her corners of her lips. no, no, no... no where, she said as she limped her way to the sofa. i reminded her not to go out alone and that if she wanted to go anywhere, she should tell me. i asked again where she wanted to go and again she did not answer. and after a few more questions, she finally admitted, i had gone to the temple.

what!!! i screamed out in my mind. i was conscious and kept reminding myself not sound angry. you should not go out alone. i said quietly... anyway, to cut the long story short, she had taken a taxi and had made her way to the temple by herself. and despite the long distance and the superbly bad jam at the temple, she claimed the taxi driver charged her only $16. and at the temple, it was superbly crowded and people had to jostle and squeeze their way around. but somehow, many members of the public came forth and assisted her as she made her rounds around the different buildings to pray and to bathe the baby buddha (a common ritual during vesak day). and she also said a monk had blessed her and spoke to her one-on-one. and as she was not steady and disoriented, the temple used their own transport and assigned a monk to send her home, and that was the bald guy i saw at the lift landing. i didn't really believe her initially. but my doubts where removed when she took out a statue of amitabha buddha and a pre-recorded amitabha prayer gadget and asked, what are these? the venerable gave it to me after blessing me.

well, it was quite unbelievable. the whole journey, the people she met, the things she did, and how the temple had assisted her. as the story unfolded, i experienced a flood of mixed emotions. on one hand, i was angry. angry that she had gone out alone again. but i managed to not let it control me. i kept composed. after all, she had gone to the temple alone becos she didn't want to disturb my sleep. i asked her not to do it again. on the other hand, i was very thankful for the many unnamed individuals who had helped my mum, an elderly 80-plus year old lady who suffers from early dementia and has mobility challenges. their acts of compassion and kindness indeed moved me. and to these people, i dedicate my merits to them. may they be blessed with happiness, and clarity of thoughts as their strive towards their own enlightenment.

happy vesak day everyone.

:-)

picture from http://www.fabuloussavers.com

masaki koh

my favourite japanese porn star died recently.

i found out about his passing away when i noticed a sudden spike in hits in my blog last week. and there was quite a few hits on my blog post that arose from a google of "masaki koh passed away". i did a quick google myself but there was not much news. but my gut instinct told me something bad had happened and that it would be a matter of time before the confirmation comes...

i messaged a few friends. some didn't know him, but for natkean, he was rather affected. after all, for those who follow japanese gay porn, they would definitely know masaki koh. and natkean was one of them. yup, it was sudden, and it was rather unexpected. felt a little sad, but well... such things do happen, i supposed.

may he rest in peace.

picture from http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/masaki%20koh

filipino boys are hot!

need i say more?

haha... had just came back from a work trip from clark, philippines. and even though it was a one day trip, i had my fair share of sighting cute boys. ok, not boys, lest i sound like a pedo. cute young men! then again, i was too preoccupied mentally with work and did not actually observe any cuties when i touched down. but this morning, during my journey home, i was suddenly sensitized to cute young men around me!

for a start, when i checked out of my room at 4.45am, the attendant that checked me out (at the hotel counter) was one helluva cute! nice, fair, arabic look with those dreamy eyes... and then i took the hotel transport to the airport. well, i didn't notice whether the driver was cute, it was too dim at that time. but i was so taken aback when the driver came down to take out my luggage from the boot. he had a super hard on that was pushing hard out of his pants. the tent was so bloody obvious! of cos i pretended not to see, thanked him, took my luggage and off i went.

and finally, i boarded my plane. and as i climbed up the ladder (yup, budget airline), i was greeted by a super cute cabin crew. such a sunshiny smile on a sunshiny morning. made me feel so sunshiny all over... heh. but that was not all, when i finally boarded the plane and took my seat, another cute cabin crew appeared. it was such a nice change to see 2 cute cabin crews in the same flight. but the real treat was this - becos it was a company flight, the captain (who was also very manly cute) knew me and brought me to the cockpit to say hello to his first officer. and along the way, he introduced me to his team of cabin crew that included the 2 cuties. and guess what? i had special treatment from these 2 cuties through my whole flight! i had a free meal, as well as drinks. and on top of that had the chance to have a nice talk with both of them during flight.

it felt like i was in heaven. literally. and of cos, i gave them my contact number to call me should they have a stop over. volunteered to show them around town. 

heh heh... nice end to the trip!

updated travel list...

gosh, it just occurred to me that the last time i updated my travel list was in 2011. and that means i did not leave the country at all in 2012! and this is a first in more than 2-over decades that i did not leave country in a year! anyway, i had just made a one day trip to the philippines. not a holiday at all. went in on sunday, facilitated a workshop on monday and am back on tuesday... how's that for chop chop!? but yes, despite the short trip, it was a good break. good mental break away from mum!

:-)

2013

may - philippines (clark)

2012

nil

2011

feb - malaysia (jb)

jun - malaysia (jb)

oct/ nov - china (hong kong sar)

2010

may - malaysia (jb)

oct - indonesia (bintan)

nov - indonesia (jakarta)

dec - united arab emirates (abu dhabi, dubai)

2009

jun/jul - australia (perth, cervantes, margaret river, augusta, walpole, denmark, pemberton, manjimup, albany, hyden, corrigin, york, fremantle, joondalup)

jul - malaysia (malacca)

sep - malaysia (malacca)

nov - malaysia (jb)

2008

jun - thailand (phuket)

oct - malaysia (malacca, kuala lumpur)

dec - malaysia (cameron highlands, malacca)

2007

apr - malaysia (malacca)

apr - china (beijing)

jun - australia (perth)

aug - vietnam (hanoi, haphong)

aug - indonesia (jakarta, bandung)

dec - china (shanghai)

2006

apr - malaysia (kl)

jun - australia (sydney)

aug - thailand (bangkok)

sep-oct - indonesia (jakarta, bandung, lembang)

oct - thailand (bangkok)

dec - china (hong kong)

2005

feb - thailand (bangkok)

mar - malaysia

may - thailand (bangkok)

jun - indonesia (bintan)

jul - indonesia (bintan)

sep - indonesia (bintan)

oct - malaysia (kl)

nov - malaysia (jb, malacca)

nov - indonesia (bintan)

dec - taiwan (taipei)

2004

feb - taiwan (kaoshiung)

mar - taiwan (kaoshiung)

jun-dec - states (whole of florida, new york, chicago / illinois, etc)

dec - china (shanghai, hangzhou)

2003

jun - australia (sydney)

sep-oct - taiwan (taipei)

dec - s korea (seoul, sorat, incheon)

2002

jun - england (london, oxford, stratford upon avon, leeds, manchester, scarborough, windermere, etc)

2001

mar - states (california [la, sfo], new york)

may - taiwan (whole)

may - malaysia

jul - states (san diego)

dec - malaysia

2000

jun - australia (sydney)

dec - indonesia (bintan)

1999

feb - indonesia (jember)

may - england (london, brighton)

jun - malaysia

oct - japan (tokyo)

1998

mar - malaysia

jun - malaysia

sep - new zealand (christchurch)

nov - new zealand (christchurch, auckland)

1997

jun - indonesia (bintan, batam)

jun - thailand (bangkok, pattaya)

nov - switzerland (zurich, lucerne), israel (jerusalem)

pre-1997

lots of places but mainly in asia. these include east and west malaysia (lost count), taiwan (lost count), hong kong (twice?), australia brisbane, sydney, melbourne (1994), thailand (bangkok, kanchanaburi, chiangmai, chiangrai) (lost count), indonesia (bintan, batam, jember, surabaya) (trice?), brunei (lost count), philippines (metro manila, cabanatuan city) (1995), etc etc etc...