happy vesak 2557

as usual, bee and i and kl's family participated in the 3-steps-1-bow ceremony at kmspks last night. thankfully, the rain that forced a temporary stop to the ceremony at 10pm petered off eventually and the ceremony proceeded as planned after that. we were initially worried that it would be cancelled again, like last year. nonetheless, the wait was a long one and we only got to start the whole ceremony at about 4am. and for once, i donned my buddhist robes. i thought the robe was a size too big cos i kept stepping on the robe when i stood up. haha... anyway, i did not prostrate throughout the ceremony. halfway through i felt my back tightening and decided to just bow. i couldn't risk another sprained back. 

it was about 6.30am when i started my drive home. i was worried about how mum would react to my coming home at daybreak. my heart grew heavy and just as i parked my car, my phone rang. she demanded to know why i was not home yet. she gave an unconvinced and unhappy hmpph! to my explanation that the ceremony started late. and as to be expected, i came home to a highly suspicious mum who looked at me from the side of her eyes and with a face that was blacker than black.  i offered her a cai tau kuay (chinese carrot cake) that i had taken from the temple but she rejected it. i simply left it with her, spoke to her in normal tones and did what i needed to do - i brought the dog for her morning pee, took a shower and went to bed.

i was woken up about 10am by the sound of the main door opening and mum's voice. she was talking to someone. worried that something had happened, i jumped out of bed and rushed out of my room. i saw her holding the door and there was a bald person at the lift landing. as i didn't have my glasses on, i could only guess it was the filipino neighbor. when mum saw me, she quickly slammed her door shut. i asked mum what she was doing... i noted she was holding her handbag. assuming she wanted to go out i questioned where she wanted to go. it was then that i noticed she looked flustered, her hair was messed up and there was thickened sputum on her corners of her lips. no, no, no... no where, she said as she limped her way to the sofa. i reminded her not to go out alone and that if she wanted to go anywhere, she should tell me. i asked again where she wanted to go and again she did not answer. and after a few more questions, she finally admitted, i had gone to the temple.

what!!! i screamed out in my mind. i was conscious and kept reminding myself not sound angry. you should not go out alone. i said quietly... anyway, to cut the long story short, she had taken a taxi and had made her way to the temple by herself. and despite the long distance and the superbly bad jam at the temple, she claimed the taxi driver charged her only $16. and at the temple, it was superbly crowded and people had to jostle and squeeze their way around. but somehow, many members of the public came forth and assisted her as she made her rounds around the different buildings to pray and to bathe the baby buddha (a common ritual during vesak day). and she also said a monk had blessed her and spoke to her one-on-one. and as she was not steady and disoriented, the temple used their own transport and assigned a monk to send her home, and that was the bald guy i saw at the lift landing. i didn't really believe her initially. but my doubts where removed when she took out a statue of amitabha buddha and a pre-recorded amitabha prayer gadget and asked, what are these? the venerable gave it to me after blessing me.

well, it was quite unbelievable. the whole journey, the people she met, the things she did, and how the temple had assisted her. as the story unfolded, i experienced a flood of mixed emotions. on one hand, i was angry. angry that she had gone out alone again. but i managed to not let it control me. i kept composed. after all, she had gone to the temple alone becos she didn't want to disturb my sleep. i asked her not to do it again. on the other hand, i was very thankful for the many unnamed individuals who had helped my mum, an elderly 80-plus year old lady who suffers from early dementia and has mobility challenges. their acts of compassion and kindness indeed moved me. and to these people, i dedicate my merits to them. may they be blessed with happiness, and clarity of thoughts as their strive towards their own enlightenment.

happy vesak day everyone.

:-)

picture from http://www.fabuloussavers.com