2013 - a year of contrast

after some thoughts, i have decided to call 2013 a year of contrast. and i came to this term after i took a look at the descriptors of my previous year's annual entries. and in comparison (and contrast), i thought 2013 was very different indeed, both in terms of how i had spend it, and how it turned out to be. like all other years, there were both ups and downs in 2013, but as a whole it was certainly a good year. this, by itself, was a great contrast compared to all my previous years. on the same token, there was also a very contrasting difference between my work-life and my home-life. for the former, it was certainly very good, but for the latter, it was full of ups and downs. thinking about it, i could perhaps attribute the good outcome to the fact that i was more focused in what i wanted to achieve and the constant reminders of my priorities that was posted in the blog since the start of the year. it had certainly kept me on track. of course there were many areas that were beyond my control and screwed things up for me and it frustrated me when that happened. nonetheless, i simply ventilated and move on. most importantly, in 2013, i have learned how to manage myself better. ok, i shall not go further but to start my reflections using the list of items i had put forth at the start of the year.

personal life 

i had wanted to lead a more balanced life. this was one area that i thought i had come to terms with. when i listed this as a focus last year, i was rather angsty, considering i was adapting to mum's sudden deterioration in her mental health and my total lost of freedom to do what i wanted to do and what i like with my time, going out with friends etc. frankly, as i struggled with finding a balance given mum's constant change in mental states, i came to the realization that it all boiled down to me and my own expectations and my wants. and that if i could calibrate my expectations and not be so attached to my wants, i would be able to better manage myself. nonetheless, i will want to keep this as my 2014 focus albeit a slight reframing. i think it would be easier now that i have a maid and that she would be able to help me balance out my time and energies. so, yes, for 2014, i will better manage my priorities so that i can continue to have a meaningful self-time without sacrificing the quality of my commitments to the people around me.

spiritual life

reflecting back, i had inserted this cos i thought it is something i want to make explicit (yes, for the sake of identifying myself as a buddhist) as well as to remind myself about my faith and my obligations. and admittedly, when i did my first quarter reflections, this sentence had kept me wondering what i meant when i wrote "practice buddhism well". should i make deliberate journeys to the temple? should i make deliberate attempts to observe rituals? i eventually realized that to practice my faith well, i should instead focus more towards internalizing the values and teachings rather than focus on the rituals. with that clarity, i simply live my life well and tried my best to fulfill my obligations as a son, a buddhist, a friend, etc to people around me. this reminded me of a phrase shared to me by my venerable during one of her lessons where she related a story about how buddha suggested that a true buddhist would no longer be attached to the concept of buddhism. if i were to now paraphrase this sentence, it simply means, "a good buddhist" should be "a good person" for the definition of "a good person" is the fundamental meaning of "a good buddhist". in this regard, i have experienced what i had known. and this experiential learning had helped me progressed further in my understanding of what a good buddhist mean. moving ahead, i will continue to be a good person. i will embed and frame this as part of all my other foci for 2014 and no longer as a standalone focus. "being a good buddhist" makes no meaning to me now if it is a standalone concept. rather, it must be applied in our day-to-day conduct. 

health

i wanted to be more positive and exercise regularly for 2013. am i more positive now? i give it a resounding yes! did i exercise more regularly? i would say yes too, although not as resounding in terms of the intensity or efforts. this was something that was slightly beyond me and admittedly, i got lazy after time and have not placed exercising as a high priority eventually. truth be told, when i started off the year, i was in the pink of health and ran almost everyday, at times, even up to 12km. but reflecting, i had perhaps gotten a little too caught on about running and over exerted myself somewhat. coupled with my lack of mindfulness in my movements, i suffered a sprained back end-feb that incapacitated me for a good half year. it was a huge set-back for me. when i was sufficiently well to do slow jogs, the haze set in (in jun), and then the series of mum's illnesses, and then work, etc. yup, apart from the back sprain and the haze that was beyond me, i admit many of the other reasons all sounded more like excuses. so, let's just not beat about the bush and call a spade a spade. i did not do as well insofar as doing more exercising. for 2014, i would like to reframe this focus. instead of just wanting to exercise more, i shall framed it as i want to be healthy. there are two broad aspects to health that i want to look at. firstly, physical health. i will be more mindful about my diet, my exercise regime, and intensity. secondly, mental health. overall, i want to be happy. happier than 2013 (and i reckon if i can live up to my personal life focus, i will be able to fulfill this)...

family

there are many different personalities in this concept of "family" for i have defined it to include my mum, my siblings, bee and my dog, sapphie.

for my mum, she is my responsibility. as expected, she was a huge handful this whole year. through the year, she had major mood swings, a total of five hospitalizations (starting from aug, oct, nov, dec, and dec again) and the almost-monthly medical appointments (for issues related to her mental health, her eye, her internal medicine, her osteoporosis, etc). these demands took a huge toll on me. nonetheless, i have fulfilled what i had set out to do for her in 2013, thanks to many supportive people (esp my boss). certainly, there were many frustrations and anger involved but i think i had done my best. for the negatives that happened, i have accepted and learned from it. to myself i say, i forgive myself and i will learn from where i had fallen short. objectively speaking, for 2014, i am pessimistic about my mum's health and half-expect her to leave us. and i say so because in recent months, the intensity of hospitalization has increased and the duration between each hospitalization has shortened. even the doctors that had been seeing her frequently has taken the precaution to shorten the review from once every 6 months to once every 2 months. but let's see how things go. for a start, i have gotten a maid and she had provided me peace of mind when i head to work and when i need to leave mum alone. but to the question of how will it pan out, i do not know cos it will depend a lot on mum's paranoia. as it stands, signs are already pointing to mum being uncomfortable with her. whatever the case, i will continue to provide for her to my best abilities. period. 

for bee. i wanted to spend meaningful time with him but i think i have fallen short. for a start, the time with mum continue to exert a huge pressure on me. but through the year, i was able to somewhat find time to meet up with him for shows, meals etc weekly. nonetheless, as time went by, this became somewhat routine. i need to see how our times together can be better spend and to better connect with each other. also, i also recognize that my ability to spend quality time with him must also be meaningful to him. in this regard, i dare not totally say if i had been able to do so. for example, throughout the year, he was troubled and many a times bogged down by his family issues. these are areas that i cannot help and often not willing to help especially if it involved his financial issues that were many a times caused by his brother. to me, helping his brother solve his financial issues by extending financial aid (not that i have the means) would be doing him a disfavor in the longer run. and frankly, i am not in a good position due to my limited means and i usually end up having to forgo other priorities and commitments. so, it is still something i am not too sure how i could come in other than emotional and moral support. next year, rather than me framing as i want to spend quality time with him, i shall reframe it to i shall work with him to see how best we can make our time together meaningful. after all, both hands need to clap in unison to get the relationship going. 

as for sapphie my dog, she turned 13 years old this year, ripe old age for a dog. but certainly she didn't behave like one. she's still so bubbly, attention seeking and at times, annoying! haha! well, i committed myself to give her more quality time in 2013. have i done it. well, i can say yes to this. i think this year, i have brought her out to swim more than any previous years. and she did not even fall sick a single time this year too! and for that, i do think i have done well in this area. of cos, as i typed this paragraph, i was constantly reminded of her forlorn face whenever i go out. i will always feel guilty about not bringing her along with me whenever it happened (and it happened everyday!). but of cos, as a whole, i had given her what i could for the year. i will continue to give her love and good quality care in 2014.

i wanted to build on good relationships with siblings at the start of 2013. have i progressed? i do not think so. if any, i would say the results were somewhat mixed. my relationship with my eldest sis was non-existent. heh… as i said, it takes two hands to clap. and if she refused to do so, i couldn't do anything. but of cos, i did not try to make the relationship any worse. as for my second sis, i had continued to share my thoughts with her with regards the need to place more priorities in areas that i felt were important lest she regrets it later. and specifically i am referring to the need to place higher priorities to her health, her family and mum instead of her job. somehow, despite all the things that happened, she failed to see that her family had been breaking apart due to her misplaced priorities. i tried to reiterate my points when she was diagnosed with cancer and when she broke her little toe. but somehow she failed to see the logic. as for her attitude towards mum, admittedly, i got very frustrated with her many a times about how irresponsible she was when it came to taking care of mum, such as how she promised to look after and keep an eye on mum but in the end did not turn up citing work as her priority. then again, i recognized it is her choice. i could only share my point of view and give suggestions. what's important is that she takes ownership of her decisions. as for my brother, i could only say, i have given up on him. i have always been a target of verbal assault at his whims and fancies and depending on his moods. i need to learn how to better ignore him and reduce getting myself affected by his accusations. of cos, apart from all the age-old inter-sibling dissatisfactions caused by my parents, it didn't help by the fact that both my eldest sis and my brother tend to take what my mum say as real and factual, without taking into consideration that what she said was many a times untrue and a result of her paranoia (e.g., i had gone out many a times with bad people to harm her). that really exacerbate the bad blood between us. for 2014, i will not have any expectations of my siblings - be it to improve relationship, to look after mum, to help out financially, etc. no expectations mean no disappointments. i will just want to focus my responsibilities to my mum and keep them inform of developments. 

work 

this is one major success area for me this year. despite the not too good start at the beginning of the year where i was faced with job search challenges, things eventually panned out rather smoothly. and i could not thank my ex-colleague well enough for this. i started my new job on 1 apr and went on to recruit a committed and self-motivated staff as part of my team. i was also blessed with a great supportive boss. never had i experienced such a compassionate person before who could put herself into my shoes and understood the challenges i faced. it is such a contrast to all my other bosses in my previous jobs, especially the one in my previous employment that deemed my mum a problem and an obstacle to my contributions to the company! i look forward to working with them and to strengthen my team and deepen our professional relationship in 2014 (i had initially wanted to put "get a promotion" but really, this is a wish and not a focus… so… haha!).

friends & close colleagues 

did i have an increased interaction opportunities with them? i supposed i did. actually, there were not many outside office hours interaction opportunities! haha! but certainly, for my new colleagues, the interactions were really good and that everyone worked well with one another. i will continue to do so for 2014 (as reflected above). as for friends, i would say the interaction levels were somewhat similar to last year. all the birthday celebrations, dinners, etc. i supposed this was to be expected as all of us had gravitated towards a common annual routine after knowing each other for so many decades. heh… and one thing i observed was that although my friends and i might not meet that often, old friends somehow remember each other and would drop notse/ smses/ facebook messages, etc once a while to say hello and to keep in touch. this reinforced my belief that we are all social creatures and always will have the need to connect to a larger community regardless of introvert we are. in this regard, in 2014, i commit to do my part and to continue to further engage my friends.

bloggers  

i made the commitment to continue blogging this year and i had done so. and as i had framed in one of my previous post-grad research on blogging, when a person blogs, two conversations occur - within self and with a community of bloggers. for the former, the conversation had occurred in my head as i journal my life online and provided me an avenue to ventilate, reflect, learn and sense-make my life. as for the conversations with the online community, i must say that i was blessed to have established online friendship with many of my blog readers. some had gone on to exchange contacts and even added each other in facebook. i am thankful to every single one of my readers. through their comments and selfless sharing, they have given me the support and the push when things were down. 2014 will be the ninth year of blogging and it had become a habit for me to do so regularly. i do look forward to continue to get to know my online friends better in 2014, get to know more friends and if wherever possible to also be a pillar of support for them.

at this juncture, let me list and thank my online friends/ readers who had commented in this blog in 2013. and in no particular order, they were shadow wind aka jung of your shadow companion (you deleted me off fb! heh…), jason of a little glimpse into my life (you've been quiet lately… write! write!), soul232 of my second life (i am sure 2014 will be better for you!), sharks of diurnal sharks (thanks for the friendship!), savante of bedtime stories (whose writing i thoroughly enjoyed), edwin (thank you so much for all the support! your constant words of encouragement and sharing have been most useful and i do truly appreciate them!), tempus (i find you familiar… are you also in bw?), steve (my medical expert and advisor! thanks for all the sharing!), tuls of tuls quote of wisdom (i still think your nick should be in the present tense! haha!), dazzakoh (thanks for your sharing sir!), harry (yes, i remember you and your comments! much appreciated), malimo of runaway boy (you've been relatively quiet too huh? and yes, i still have not written an entry based on your fb comment!), leonut of ranting of the boy (continue writing! always enjoy reading your reflections), chinese prick of poetic tears (wei wei… halo? halo?), germs of (what else) germs (i so look forward to meeting you in feb!), natkean (i am sure 2014 will be better for you!), shyc (hi fellow-bwer! hope you are doing well!), jokerpj of old new journey (missed your writings, but well, don't stress, do keep in touch over line or whatsapp!), johnathon tee (hmmm, lost you once i arrived at kl!), ladybird (how's everything? your son and family ok?), dilbert (hope life's been good), karsten (hello, your car ok now?), zachary, sam, nick, nicky, ahwee, cherub, sunshineyetwindy, arthur, bulge, river, cy, mj, and a list of anonymous blog readers who took the time and effort to add a comment here and there!

i had started 2013 with a list of focus that served as guiding principles for me through 2013. this was something i had never done before cos prior to 2013, my annual reflections were usually based on a recollection and lessons learned about life's events that happened in the year. those reflections and learning were primarily passive in nature. for 2014, i will go one step further. i shall up my stake. i shall adopt a proactive approach and start with an end in mind. so let me start by deciding what adjective i want to use for 2014 and name the year with an active phrase instead. by this time on 31 dec 2014, i will be writing my annual reflection and the title will read... 

2014 - a fulfilling year!

happy new year everyone!

oh oh...

i am not sure if i should be concerned or how i should react. my second sis contacted me earlier on and shared that mum told her that both my maid and i are conniving to harm her…

wtf! wtf! wtf!

painful finger joints

am not sure why but the joints of my left hand fingers have been very painful these last 2 days. could it be due to arthritis or due to gout? hmmm... i think i will just apply some liniment and see how things go...

heh heh... signs of age, must be!

i am late this year!

today is already the last day of the year and time for me to reflect on what happened over the last twelve month. and usually by nov, i would have more or less decided on the adjective to be used to describe the year.  this year, however, not only have i not done that, i have not even taken the time to start my reflection!

eeks! i have 15 more hours to do so before 2014 comes aknocking! hmmm... what adjective should i use?... turbulence? stability? fulfilling? change? goodness?...  generally it's been smooth and stable, a bit if hiccups here. maybe stability is the word, and from another perspective, i can also call it boring. then again, that probably cannot be used to describe every aspect of my life.

haha... here i go again!

i think too much!

paranoia

i am gonna end this year with a disappointment. disappointed that despite all the efforts and attention given to mum, she has, once again, gone paranoid. and invariably, yet again, i get the brunt of it. i could only suspect it was due to the dinner i had with my uni friends two nights ago. anyway, i learned of all these when i send her to the hospital earlier on.

what happened today was that her wheezing got worst and couldn't be stopped. you see, she had a bout of flu since two weeks back and this had made her breathing more difficult. and despite seeing the family gp, her flu did not fully recover. in fact, it got worse these last few days and her wheezing started again. nonetheless, i was able to arrest the wheezing by administering the nebulizer and her oxygen saturation level increased to about 85% (which was her normal levels). this evening, despite giving her the nebulizer, her wheezing did not improve. her saturation level kept at 70% and did not increase further. i also noted her pulse rate was at a high of 115. these signs suggest a more problematic issue of waterlogged lungs. and despite her insistence on not going to the hospital, i brought her in. i was afraid her heart couldn't manage it and she might suffer a heart attack. at the hospital, her blood pressure reading was 190-95. very high systolic reading. not a good sign. the doctor did a quick check and said she needed admission immediately.

i informed all my siblings about her vital signs and that to my rude shock, my brother accused me of causing her to be like that. it's due to her anxiety he said. you just need to console her and everything will be ok. i was confused initially, but from his strings of hostile smses and accusations, i learned that mum had been telling him that i had gone out with bad people, that she wants to go to the temple to pray etc. it was useless trying to explain to him that the increased heart rate was due to the lungs that had been found to be waterlogged. nope, it was due to me, he insisted. i didn't want bother to convince him otherwise. i just said ok, and stopped the whole conversation. but inside me, i was boiling. the last time something like this happened, he accused me of ill-treating my mum and not hiring a maid, now that i have a maid, he has found new reasons. sighs... what can i say. i admit i am feeling very frustrated. and i hate to say this, sometimes i really wish mum would just die straight away and not create all these nonsense for me. but of course, i knew these are angry thoughts that should not even have crossed my mind but i need to vent. very badly.

thinking about the whole incident, it kinda explains why mum insisted on not staying in hospital. she also held onto her prayer beads tightly and refused to let go when i drove her to the hospital. during the trip, she also said that i wished she would be hospitalized. she must have thought i wanted to get rid of her or something like that. and much as i am angry and frustrated now, i know there is nothing i can do. i have a paranoid mum, an unreasonable and self-centered brother who constantly finds fault with me. the best i can do is to simply do what irresponsible people would do - and that is - to simply ignore them.

haiz...

year-end working

most people clear their annual leave during the nov-dec period. that seemed the natural thing to do right? all the kids are having their annual extended school holidays, there's christmas, new year, and what-have-you celebrations... but for gay men like me (and many other singles), it makes every sense to stay at work during this period. here're some reasons why i said so...

(1) no stress... when the bosses (invariably married and with kids) go on leave, there is hardly any work. so, this is the time to clear as much work without any stress!

(2) lagi no stress... with other people going on leave (and not just bosses) cross-functional work cannot be done at the usual pace. thus, things will be slow and no one's gonna stress you on deadlines. added to that, bosses tend to also be more forgiving and/ or give extended deadlines for works assigned.

(3) more bonding... during this period, there are lots of gifts and presents presented by business partners. and most of the time, they are perishables such as fruits, turkeys, log cakes, fruit cakes, and so on. what this meant was that there would be many many occasions where we get to eat free of charge! more importantly, we have more opportunities to interact with our colleagues during these breaks and thus foster closer relationships with fellow colleagues.

(4) lagi more bonding... on top of the food and opportunistic interactions with colleagues, this period also coincide with christmas and new year celebrations. so, it added to further downtime and increased interactions. this only meant further team bonding.

(5) enhanced experience... outside work, due to lesser people heading to work, traffic becomes smoother, and public transport gets less crowded. so, the overall experience of getting to/ fro work becomes a lot better.

(6) and so on...

most importantly, by not taking leave during this period, we can then clear our leave during peak periods and have our breaks when people are working like crazy! nett-nett the stress level (and stressless periods) gets spread out through the year and we become more productive as a result!

no? heh...

ps: just got inspired by malimo's comment in my facebook to reflect about why we should take leave during periods when everyone is around! 

marina coastal expressway

singapore opens its newest expressway this morning. this expressway, christened as the marina coastal expressway [or mce]), connects the kallang-paya lebar (kpe) expressway to the ayer raja expressway (aye) and is largely underground (including a 400-plus meters under the sea). quite an exciting development that took 5-years to complete. with the opening of this expressway, the east coast expressway (ecp) will be shortened and be converted into a feeder road into the city.

i decided to take a drive on the mce this morning with mum and the maid, and enjoyed the drive. as in all major projects undertaken by the singapore government, the opening was a non-affair. everything was smooth and went without a hitch. of cos, there was a minor road works that was still on-going as the contractors continued to complete the final steps of closing the (old) ecp. but on the whole, it was very smooth.

and interestingly speaking, there were many other curious drivers testing out this new expressway too. and i noted something that we do not see often in singaporean drivers - all drivers slowed down and drove at a slower speed of 60-70km/hr and they give way to one another! haha… singaporean drivers are known to be road terrors and speed like crazy on the road, especially expressways! so this extra civic-mindedness and care while driving was a very good experience.

then again, the opening of the mce means that when we drive from the east to the west (or vice versa), we will no longer be able to enjoy the city sights again…

:-)

stiff neck

aiyoh, for whatever reasons, i got stiff neck again this morning.

was sitting on the sofa keeping mum company when i felt the muscle tightening into a knot. it felt very uncomfortable and despite doing quick shoulder rotations in my attempts to loosen the knot, it didn't help.

so now, i walk around with a koyok (medicated plaster) pasted onto the shoulder!

haiz!

sleepless mum

i went out with my friends to celebrate my birthday with bee and my uni friends yesterday.

left at 6.15pm after spending a day preparing mum for it mentally. she seemed pretty okay when i left, but during dinner, she sounded unhappy when i called to check on her. 

when i returned after evening pass midnight, i found her lying on the sofa and the tv was switched on. she was holding on to her prayers beads and she was still awake. she said she couldn't sleep. her holding on the her prayer beads suggested her paranoia had worked up again. but when i asked if it was becos i had gone out, she insisted it was not. i left her there as i retired to bed. 

this morning, she seemed unhappy, pulled a long face and didn't want to talk to me. she was clearly unhappy. the maid also observed it as she commented that "ah ma love sir very much. when sir go out, ah ma said she did not want to sleep but wait for sir to come home". that, to me, was the clearest indication of mum's paranoia. i kept quiet. 

after breakfast, she said she wanted to head to the temple… it wasn't until after the visit to the temple that she began to open up a little. 

sighs...

wrong-sized bra

aiyoh… so terrible! how can a customer take pictures of our service staff, post it on the internet and even make bitchy remarks that our service staff is fat?!?!

errr… what's wrong with that? customers are like that one la… then again, our service staff is fat too what!?…

no!!! it's just that she's wearing a wrong-sized bra…

yup, her bra is too tight. the body fats is overflowing around the bra-straps!

haha… boss, you so funny…

errr… how did this conversation turned this way?…

hahaha!

that was my conversation with my staff yesterday. lol!

well you see, my staff and i are close enough to chat about nonsensical staff. and as i do training and often source for materials and from the internet, we often end up laughing our heads off at some pictures we see. for example, yesterday, we decided to google my name and see if my face appear. and guess what, it did! and funnily, on both sides of my picture, there were skimpily-clad muscled guys. one of them even spot a somewhat bsdm look and wore an underwear that has a pouch shaped like the male organ. needless to day, the picture came across almost like a porn pic. and when it appeared, i was like… eeeeee!!! (act innocent)

lol! 

tooth extraction!

mum complained that she had a wobbly tooth that was causing her pain and i thought she was joking. she is 81 and had had all her teeth removed many many decades ago! in fact she had been using full upper and lower dentures for the whole of my life! so how could she possibly grow a tooth! and to prove herself right, she show me a little knob-like outgrowth on her lower jaw. i touched it and it was hard and moving. she said it was painful and asked me to arranged for it to be removed. that was 2 evenings ago.

this evening, we finally visited the dentist. and it was interesting. the dentist took an x-ray and showed me the tooth. it was a very small tooth, no larger that 4mm and very similar to that of a baby. and it was even more interesting to see how the dentist extracted it. there was no injection at all. he simply applied a solution to numb the area and used a forcep to pluck it out!

i was curious how mum could possibly grow a tooth at her age and he explained that when she had her tooth removed, the dentist apparently did not do a thorough job and parts of the roots were still there. and some recent aggravations could have triggered the growth. i thought about it and realized her constant complains that her new lower dentures (that was made for her two years ago) could have probably triggered this outgrowth! 

first time i heard of such occurrences!

haha!

birthday month

there's so many birthday these 2 months! let's see… 

my chiro (1/11), bee (2/11), guan (9/11), my brother-in-law (11/11), victor (12/11), james (my ex) (16/11), jason (& 2 other friends) (19/11), ps (26/11), my mum (2/12), my niece (5/12), another niece (11/12), then my nephew (12/12), brendan (15/12), willie (16/12), myself, my aunt and my cousin's son (17/12), hsien wen (18/12), hanis (18/12), lp (27/12), and today germs (28/12)! not to mention at least three other colleagues too! and yes, of cos, christmas (which incidentally is another birthday) heh… 

crazy period of almost non-stop wishing people happy birthday, eating and celebrating. and tomorrow, my uni friends and i will be heading out to celebrate the nov/ dec babies… including mine! and hey germs, we will eat with you in mind ya?!

:-)

like a furnace

i was roused from my sleep at about 1am by mum's coughing. her cough had not improved since it started a few days ago despite having seen the doctor.?i felt disturbed by it. nonetheless, i left her by herself as she would usually head back to sleep eventually.

but the coughing did not stop and at 3am, i heard movements outside my room. it didn't feel right and i decided to make a check. walked out of my room and found mum sitting by her bed in her underwear and panting away. the maid was sleeping. and when i asked her what happened, she said she felt very hot inside and likened it to a furnace.

walking out to the living room, i noted mum has opened all doors and windows and her clothes were strewn onto the sofa. things did not seem right. decided to administer cough medication and her inhalant. by this time, the maid had woken up. and as though she felt guilty for sleeping while mum coughed away, she hurriedly helped put mum to bed again. to help her breath better, i also asked the maid to her her oxygen (machine) before returning to my room.

did a quick check and concluded it could likely be due to her medications and/ or the fact that she was ill. will continue to observe her and if need be, send her in to the hospital again. she seemed ok this morning, but of cos, she kept talking about how uncomfortable she felt through the night...

sleep issues

i have been having interrupted sleep for quite some weeks already. for some reasons, i would wake up in the middle of the night at regular intervals. and often, i will take a while to fall asleep again, just to wake up again an hour or so later. not a very good thing i must say. it's worsening my eye bags! eeks!

think i need to review my sleep habits. for a start, maybe i should try sleeping with my phone away from me. will probably take some getting used to considering i use my phone as my clock. and of cos, my bad habit of checking my emails, blogs, etc once i rouse from my sleep...

hmmm...

weird dream

after my series of sleep paralysis experiences, i finally fell asleep. next thing i knew, i was in a house. it was a green colored house. i couldn't recognize the house but somehow my mind told my it was larry's (a close friend) house. in that dream, i urgently needed to pee and after frantically looking around the house, i found the toilet. i rushed in. as i did so, i noted there was a shoe rack with lots of slippers by the side of the toilet bowl. in addition, there was another door. this door was facing me as i stood with each of my legs astride the toilet bowl. weird right?

with my bladder threatening to burst, i couldn't care less about the presence of a door. i went ahead to unzipped my pants and was about to hold out my penis when larry's mother-in-law walked in through the door (facing me). feeling uneasy with myself exposed, i turned slightly away and told her nicely that i needed to pee urgently. she simply looked at me and walked away. i was conscious that i was in somebody else's house and made a very deliberate attempt to control my release and to also aim properly at the toilet bowl (well, guys will know that in such a state, the aim may not be so accurate, especially if the release was not controlled! ha!) but for reasons unknown, the piss came out in torrents and splashed all over the toilet as well as the areas outside the toilet. it created a huge mess!

there was no heave of relief from the easing of the pent up bladder but rather, a sense of panic now that there was urine everywhere! i had to quickly mop the floor… and as i did so, the slippers on the shoe rack had somehow dislodged and was now floating in the toilet bowl. these slippers apparently belonged to some kids, who somehow appeared and was trying very hard to fish their slippers out as they laughed at the mess i created...

then i woke up. 

what a weird dream...

nightmare

have you ever experienced that kinda feeling where you were having a nightmare, and you were at the same time aware about it and wanted to wake up but couldn't? something like an half-in-half-out of body experience. i am not sure of the term that describes this. but it was really intense and felt horrible. trying to move and trying to get out of a sleep that you know you were in but couldn't. the mind vs body struggles. in hokkien, we refer to such experience as 给鬼压到, meaning "there was ghost there and he/ she was pressing you down".

it happened to me once 3-4 weeks back. at that time, i had visited the park for a run at night (as per my routine) and for some weird reasons, i was reminded of a story of someone who saw a ghost  there. so when i experienced the feeling, i felt a little uncomfortable. it was like as though the ghost had followed me home. and despite being a person who's boy superstitious, i still couldn't help but felt uneasy about it.

last night, it happened again. and similarly last night, i had gone for a run there. i was sure it was pure coincidence because i had been exercising there very regularly without any issues. then again what happened last night was very intense. i was very tired, yet mentally very active. and when i about to doze off, my nightmare started, and i struggled. i finally shook myself out of my nightmare. i tried to sleep again. and just as i dozed off, the nightmare and the struggle began again. this whole experience repeated itself at least once again and by that time, i was a little afraid to fall asleep. i decided to chant some prayers to calm myself down before finally dozing off to a deep sleep…

kinda disturbing.

ps: this post marked my 100th wtf tag! lol!

pps: did a google and realized it is called "sleep paralysis".

lol overtakes wtf

well, this is a really belated post for me. i had wanted to do it about 2-3 months back but was too lazy to do so.  but i must blog this before my "wtf" tag hit 1000. heh… let me explain.

i have been diligently tagging my blogs for the longest time and i have noted a few trends in my 2011 posting. one obvious trend that i observed at that time was that my "happy" times tend to be lower than my "sad" times consistently. to me, that was no good. it reflected my inclination towards pessimism and i told myself i needed to take things easy and learn to be happier.

that was in 2011. the gap between the "wtf" and "lol" closed in 2012. and this year when i prioritized my focus for 2013, i had specifically told myself that i should be happy and lead a balanced life. that was one of the highest priority for me. thus, the "lol/ relax" vs my "wtf" tag became a happiness indicator for me. and i am happy to say that "lol" overtook "wtf" about 2-3 months back. it was a milestone of sorts to me, i must say.

anyway, i shall not attempt to analyze too deeply into my tag-trends as what i did previously. i will do that sometime later. 

:-)

screenshot using mac

for the longest time since i started using mac, i have not bothered to check out how to capture a screenshot… and so i have resorted to capturing screenshots only when i use my pc in office (shy laugh). until now! and it is actually so easy! hurray…

just press shift-command-4, place the cursor at the apex of what you want to capture, press and hold onto the mousepad as you move the cursor to the opposite apex of where you want to capture, release you mousepad and hey presto!

such a lazy bump me! but hey, i learned something new! so happy!

lol!

:-)

merry christmas

merry christmas

everyone!

free free christmas

it's christmas day and everyone is off work! when i logged in to my office mail, hardly any new mails came in… so… heh heh… and also, since i got a maid, i have been very free cos she does everything for me! in the past, i would be busy with all sorts of housework during holidays and breaks. but i am very free today. in fact, free till i now feel a little sleepy. maybe i'll take a quick nap. lol!

anyway, i decided to cook vegetable rice today. and i asked the maid to observe and learn so that she can pick up a new dish to cook in future. and it was also rather easy for me cos she does all the washing and preparations for me! i simply have to cook the rice to show her the process. and even after i placed the rice to cook, she helped me looked after the rice to make sure it is not burned!

at this rate, i'll probably end up getting lazy! 

lol… 

thank you you

i am not sure if it is due to the influence of the chinese language, but i do come across lots of chinese-speaking people saying "thank you to you" and "thank you you" quite often. i attributed it to the chinese language becos in mandarin, "谢谢" is used to mean "thanks" or "thank you". and when expressed in a courteous manner, one would usually add the word "you" or "你" as a suffix to it. thus, "谢谢你" or "thank you you", literally speaking.

and interestingly, and purely from my personal experience, i also observed more malaysians committing this error. this perhaps reflects the fact that malaysian education system played down the use of english and instead focus on the malay language as a priority. and so, the tendency for malaysian chinese who may not be so comfortable with the english language, the tendency would be to think in chinese, do the translation in the head, and then express it out in english, which may then be incorrect structurally or in this case, as a phrase. yes? maybe. but, it certainly makes the sentences funny. added to the fun, i often hear the phrase pronounced as "thank cute you". very cute right? heh heh...

for example, in a recent program i conducted, where the class comprised some close to 20 participants, one participant (from malaysia) thanked me this way at the end of the day. and becos it was done as a part of a group checking-out session, it was kinda interesting to see the reaction of the class. notably, the singaporeans giggled whereas many of the malaysians did not realize the error. then again, it was one of the malaysians (who realized the error) that highlighted it. the class had a good laugh over it and everyone learned from the error. it was such a closely-knitted team and the people were just so lovable!

:-)

ps: and for the record, the sms above was from a singaporean. ha!

walking with dinosaurs 3d

we watched walking with dinosaurs (3d) last night.

if the director had not tried to make it into an animated tale and simply produced it as a documentary, it would have been perfect for me. but regrettably, the director weaved in a love story, incorporate human values, human conversation, etc yet overlay the conversation over grunts and squeals of the dinosaurs, it ended up like a movie produced for dinosaurs but dubbed in english to suit human consumption. kinda awkward. in the end, it felt like a lazily produced show.

otherwise, i liked how the whole production incorporated physical details of the dinosaurs and tried to be evolutionarily accurate (e.g. use of flora and fauna that was reflective of that era). ok, perhaps there was an underemphasis on the aquatic and marine ecosystem. and of course, the sceneries created were really stunning and beautiful.

:-)

good start

if anything, i think things will be ok for us. the maid seemed to have fitted in ok and based on my observation of her, she seemed to be of good character. 

the reasons why i said she is of good character, apart from her very mild, prim and proper behavior and conduct, was the fact that she observes her religious practices, and makes efforts to cultivate herself. these are indicators of a person of good values and character. some of the indicators that suggest this were for example, she does her prayers before she retires at night and when i brought her (and mum) to the temple, i could see how she composed herself and respects the buddha in the most serious and sincere manner. it is easy to make an accurate judgment of a person's character just by observing how he/ she conducts himself/ herself in front of a figure that towers over him/ her spiritually (i hesitate using the word "god" for the buddha is not one, and similarly, i do not use the word worship when it comes to the buddha).

interestingly, mum brought back some flowers from the temple and i asked her to place the flowers in a basin of water to let mum wash her (mum's) face. many buddhists observe this simple ritual as a way to cleanse themselves of their sins and to signify the receiving of blessings from the buddha. and after mum washed her face, my maid asked if she should discard the remaining water. i told her that she should also wash her own face and was surprised by her reaction. her faced brightened instantly and she exclaimed in almost disbelief "i can? thank you sir! thank you sir!" i am not sure why her response was such but guessed that in her culture, such gestures are deemed honorific and are probably only accorded to family members or close friends (but not a maid). so…

anyway, she has been only with us for two days. things seemed ok so far. and well, character is different from quality of work. but that, to me, is less of an issue. we can easily train a person's quality of work but not the character. other than that, i am also conscious of the mum-factor. hopefully, her paranoia and other mental issues do not get in the way. i am not sure how the dynamics will work out when it happens. 

but let's just hope for the best.

bang!

i brought mum and the maid out for dinner this evening. we were at the traffic light chatting away and waiting for the traffic light to turn green when… bang!!! a car rammed into mine from the rear. and the impact was so huge that everyone in the car lunged forward. mum got a rude shock and for a long while after that kept talking about it. as for the maid, she was similarly shocked but recovered much more quickly. thankfully, she was in the car to calm mum down as i went out to settle the issue.

it was a young lady that banged into my car. she walked out of her car totally dazed. i found out that it was the first time she had an accident and she had no clue whatsoever about what to do, what kinda info to collect etc… all she could say was i am so sorry i am so sorry, it was my fault i could't stop in time… and i had to take her through the whole process in the drizzle. 

her car was a mess. her bonnet was bend and steam was coming out of the radiator. and her air con stopped working and her car ramped into my bumper so hard that the car number got imprinted onto my bumper! as for my car, my boot was slightly dented and my bumper was scratched. from my initial glance, my car seemed to have suffered little damage. but i was sure the total repair cost would be costly cos looking at how the boot was dented and how the bumper had dislodged, some major knocking would be needed, or worst still, a total replacement of the boot. not to mention, the need to repaint at least the rear third of the car.

anyway, the inexperience of the lady came through when i suggested to her to let the insurance settle the issue. despite the total wretch her car was, she said… oh, can i check with my mechanic first and see if i want to settle this outside insurance. i was like… ooo… i really don't think you wanna do that… your damage looks like it will cost you quite a sum of money. i was sure it will cost her minimally 8-10k cos i had an almost identical experience with similar extend of damages to my car almost 12 years back. and back then, my car repair cost came up to 6.8k!

so… haiz… looks like i'm gonna need a time-break to repair my car next week… all the hassles. and oh yes, if i am not wrong, my insurance would allow me a replacement car during the repair period! let's see how things go… the silver lining out of this whole accident was that no one was injured. 

whew!

:-)

maid arrived

i finally picked up the maid at 6-ish earlier on.

she was a little serious when she first saw me. immediately, she stood up and greeted me "good evening sir!" and following that, she stood at attention as i signed the papers. i had to ask her to sit down before she did so, and even then, in a very prim and proper manner.

well, she was kinda tensed i must say. but soon enough, she kinda warmed up to us and relaxed a little. mum was kinda ticklish and giggled quite a bit when she saw how the maid reacted. after we settled her into the room, we went out for dinner. again, she was kinda shy and didn't eat much of the chicken on the plate. i had to serve her and mum kept asking her to eat. and mum, in her usual self, asked for durians and buah duku langsat after dinner… and again, the maid was kinda surprised by all the food we bought and the stuff we got for her.

it was kinda weird for me also cos throughout the evening, i didn't have to push the wheelchair (as i always did) and instead, walked ahead of mum and the maid. and when we came home, the maid went straight to the laundry room to wash the clothes… and there i was, feeling lost - not much different from feeling like a "maid" who has lost my job to another maid. told that to lp and she accurately portrayed it as me losing my job to a "foreign talent". hahah!

well, for the record, it's as much interesting for us to get used to the new maid as it is for her to get use to us. but we shall see. if anything, i think it will work out well… 

:-)

diabetes

mum went for her medical review and after telling the doctor about her frequent complains of thirst, he decided to do a blood test for her… and guess what - from the results, he concluded she has diabetes! mum was a little shaken by the news for she had been very careful with her diet.

the doctor explained that it is not unusual for elderly people like her, whose family has a record of diabetes, to get it. and it is not totally due to her diet per se. he said that for her, who's already 81 years of age, it cannot come across as surprising if her organs start to show signs of stress or malfunction. and in this case, her pancreas.

so, yup, more medication for her. and instead of the 6-monthly review, he now asked that she visits him again in 2 months. to check how she is reacting to the new medication and whether her blood sugar is controlled.

haiz…

maid arriving

am expecting the maid to arrive today but so far, i have not spoken with the agent on the details of where and when to pick her up! amazing right? the agent must think i am such an unexcitable person and have not called him to check on details! heh heh...

well, am on leave today to bring mum for her medical review this afternoon. and as usual, have asked her to go for half a day of rehabilitation at the center. have told her i will be working in the morning. needed to tell her this lie as i need the time to change my car tyre and prepare for the maid's arrival like purchasing a cabinet and a pillow for the maid first before heading to the hospital for the medical review. didn't want mum to get suspicious or worried and get in the way while i do all these errands.

hope things turn out smoothly without any hassle.

:-)

peaceful birthday

i had a peaceful quiet birthday this year.

a day before the day, i decided to remove my birthday in my facebook. didn't want anyone to make a fuss out of it. and everything went just as planned. not many wished me, a couple of friends here and there, my siblings, and that was it. nice, quiet day but admittedly, with some little curiosity as to who will wish me, or what's gonna happen… etc. 

my day started very early as i had lots to do and was pleasantly surprised when the first colleague i met at the door wished my happy birthday. but my little anxieties was very quickly forgotten once the day started for i was superbly busy through the day with my work. a day where i had to co-ordinate town halls, prepare slides, co-ordinate a visit for my ceo, yadda yadda yadda… so, it was a day of non-stop rushing from point-to-point, getting all sorts of stuff done etc…

it was until about 4.30pm before i finally walked to my desk, fully drained and fully flustered and dead beat. i took a quick breather and started up my computer. logged into my email and started some work. and before long, my chief called out to "the birthday boy" to cut the cake… yup, my department got a cake for me. the usual kinda stuff that i always do for my department… heh heh, they remembered me, i thought. and when i walked into the pantry, i was surprised to actually see a small cake with a lot of candles on it. eleven of them to be exact, four big ones and seven small ones, to represent my 47th birthday. it was a simple celebration, but well appreciated.

i brought mum out for dinner as per usual, but decided to buy a good dinner for both of us. i joked with her that we should splurge a bit before the maid comes… haha… and the evening ended with bee buying me a slice of durian ice cream cake and a gift.

simple day with memorable moments. meaningful.

:-)

spongebob @ t3

i brought mum to the airport for dinner earlier on.

and after dinner, we walked around the different levels. the departure hall had been fully decorated with lots of christmas decorations and this year's theme is spongebob squarepants. and although i had brought mum there a couple of times over the last month, it was the first time i tried to explain what spongebob is to her. and it was really funny.

there i was, trying to tell her how this yellow sponge called spongebob lives in the sea with his friends and how (for reasons beyond logic) lives in a pineapple. but for mum, despite seeing the decor for the umpteenth time, she still exclaimed "waaaa… ong lye ann nee tua!" (wow! the pineapple is so big)

lol!

presbyopia

my presbyopia is worsening by leaps and bounds. and it has deteriorated so much over the past 2-3 months that now i have problems reading newspapers if i wear my normal specs. and for that matter, it takes me a couple of split second to refocus things when i shift my focus from one object to another. i have never experienced this before. then again, am not alarmed by it. it's a matter of time. come to think of it, i will be 47 in 2 days, and to only experience "full-blown" presbyopia at 47 is really a blessing cos many of my friends started wearing progressive lenses when they were in their early 40s.

:-)

snowstorm

i am gonna conduct a 1-day program tomorrow.

and guess what? my staff, who is supposed to get back home tonight from her holiday, called up and tell me she is stuck in a snowstorm in china and will not be able to get back. the earliest i can expect to see her in office is tuesday. aiyoh… i will have to slog it out lo. all the setting up, administration, etc etc etc. and with my still-yet-to-fully-recovered throat, i think it'll be a challenging start to the week for me! but hey, it makes things fun right?

arghhhh!

haha!

mean vs end

i was at the airport earlier on and as per all weekends, there were loads of families and children. i regretted the moment i stepped in but i had no choice cos it was raining and there was hardly any other place nearby where i could get sheltered parking as i had to wheel mum.

anyway, it was after dinner and i wheeled mum around the place. there was a playground at basement 2 and as i walked through it, i heard a lady on the phone. from her tone of voice, the conversation that followed and a few subsequent chance encounters, i was able to piece together this story. the family had gone to t3 with the kids, all three of them. and somehow, the husband went to the departure hall (perhaps to the spongebob play area). along the way, the wife lost her husband and ended up with the kids at the kids playground in basement 2. and she got freaking angry. she called the husband, screamed at top of voice and demanded to know what the hell he was doing at the departure level (my guess was that she had not come to the airport for a while and didn't know about the spongebob play area). soon enough, she hung up the phone and decided to walk around basement 2. and she asked if the daughter wanted to go to the toilet, the daughter said no. but after walking a few steps, the daughter changed her mind. that did it for the mum. she burst. she scolded the girl. and as she did so, she started scolding the other 2 kids too. the young son, who didn't understand wtf happened, started throwing tantrums and threw his things onto the ground. and everyone carried a black face… it was not a good sight.

and interestingly, that was not the only depressing sight for i saw quite a few similar families behaving like that too. people screaming at each other. kids screaming and crying. arghhhh! for goodness sake, its the weekend! and i thought to myself. what's the point right? having a family outing to the airport, i assumed, was in the spirit of happiness and fun. and to allow such little things sour the whole trip seemed a little regretful. no? in the case above, why not turned the father go "missing" situation into a hide and seek or search for the missing dad adventure for the kids? need to be less pent up and more creative la. daddy is still contactable over the phone right? relax la! haiyah...

it seemed like for these families, going to the airport had become an end to itself and not a mean to spend meaningful time together… sad right?

sighs.

ugly selfies

didn't mean to sound mean, but it's disturbing to see a really ugly guy put on a really ugly spectacle frame (that's the trend now, people wearing speak frames). and in the middle of the crowded airport, he started acting-cute, and made quite a few "ooo-i-look-so-cute" face as he took his selfies with this ipad… eeewwwww!

brought the meaning to fugly to a new high.

then again, i feel so cute standing beside him.

ok, i sound so bitchy here…

lol!

ps: but hey, as long as he is happy right? i am glad he has good self-confidence! bravo!

1st birthday

my nephew celebrated his first birthday 2 days ago (technically, it's 3 days cos it's past midnight now) on the 12 dec. 

very fast right? it seemed like only yesterday that we were at the ward awaiting his birth. and for his birthday, my sis-in-law had prepared quite a bit of stuff whereas my brother had gone to the columbarium to pay respect to my dad, and to tell him of the good news. yup, my brother still visit my dad's niche and talk to him like as though he is still alive.

as for me and my mum, we did not attend the celebration. mum was in hospital and i didn't want to go to his place… i didn't want to head there and face my brother's consistently black face too. for that matter, i had to visit mum at the hospital too.

so...

impending end to 2013

i was like - omg, 2013 is coming to an end!

that was last week. it suddenly dawned upon me that this year really shot by without me realizing it. and i really need to find time to think back on what happened this year to prepare for my annual reflection. but quickly, and off the cuff, i think this year was a good one for me. not really eventful, but to a great extend, rather fulfilling. and i think having my 2013's guiding principle posted on the front of my blog constantly helped remind me of my priorities for this year.

maybe that should be the name of this year - a year of fulfillment? hmmm… whatever, i have 2.5 more weeks to think about it…

:-)

mum's so excited

mum was discharged today from the hospital and she literally behaved like a small girl.

when she got news of her discharge, she called every all my siblings and i. for that matter, she called me no less than 5 to 6 times within half an hour. buy me noodles… have you left home?… are you on the way?… how come you have not arrived?… her calls came within a few minutes of each other. i was kinda pissed with her non-stop calling but of cos i didn't show.

once home, i let her have her rest until about 6-plus before bringing her out for dinner and to do some shopping. and once again, you could see her excitement. well, i decided to bring her to a restaurant and buy her a proper dinner. and for that moment, forget about what the dietitian said about low salt intake etc. it was a good time to celebrate, i told myself. and at the restaurant, mum picked up the menu and she ordered the dishes! that was the first time for me! and funnily, she chose the dishes based on how nice the pictures looked in the menu.

and so, we ended up with wasabi prawns, stewed pork ribs, cod fish in special sauce, and spinach with 3-types of egg. and end of it all, she had mango sago dessert while i ordered a guilinggao for myself. and i told her dinner's on me cos i wanted to celebrate my birthday… haha!

wooooohhh...

coming on this thursday

things happened superbly fast these couple of days… 

yesterday, i told the agent i had gotten my mum's identity card address changed to my address. next thing i knew, the insurance agent emailed me this morning with news that the insurance policy application for my domestic helper has been approved. and next thing i knew, the agent called me with news that the ministry of manpower had approved my maid application. 

and before i could even utter a word, he asked me whether i prefer to pick my domestic helper up on wednesday or thursday. wow! that's like only 3 days away… woooo… anyway, i told him i will be on leave this coming thursday to send my mum for her medical check up. as such, it would be good to pick her (the domestic helper) after that. and with this input, he has gone ahead to make arrangements for her to arrive in singapore on wednesday...

superbly efficient and superbly fast!

:-)

hobbit - desolation of the smaug

caught that show hobbit - desolation of the smaug last night with bee. hadn't expect it to be so long and draggy. but i survived it!

the show retained all the magic of the lotr trilogy, the beautiful sceneries, the contrasting characters, the orcs, the elves, the hobbits, the fights, dragons and all. thought it was a very good show although i must admit i didn't quite recall the first part (couldn't even recall if i had watched it!) or for that matter, a lack of a proper start and end. it was the kinda of perfect "in-between" filler type of show with no highs and no lows… but well, there was at least some familiar faces and characters...

i am sure the next part will be better! 

:-)

frozen

watched the show frozen last weekend with bee, the day before i came down with the terrible food poisoning. i had actually expected some crazy christmassy comedy kinda movie but it turned out to be something totally different. and so for the first 10-15 minutes, it was a struggle for me mentally. heh heh...

so, after the initial "mental disconnectedness", i started to enjoy the movie. and admittedly, i didn't think much about the movie except that it was "just another disney movie", complete with the usual princess/ damsel in distress, the handsome dude who came and swept her off her feet and the "and they live happily ever after" kinda ending. but thinking back now, i do noticed there were quite a few interesting differences this production has compared to previous ones.

(spoiler ahead! read on only if you have watched the movie or do not intend to watch) 

firstly, the evil character was not female. it was the prince. secondly, the handsome dude that eventually paired off with the princess was a commoner and not a handsome prince. thirdly, the true love that broke the spell was not some romantic love but rather, it was sibling love. other than that, all the usual elements of love, romance, friendship, evil, magic, crazy slapstick jokes, crazy characters, beautiful animation etc that was so characteristic of all disney productions were there.

then again, somehow i didn't feel the oomph the way i did compared to the more classical disney productions such as snow white and the seven dwarves, or cinderella... perhaps it was a case of me having grown up and way passed my younger years. whatever… nonetheless, what stood out for me were 2 characters - olaf the snowman and the moose, especially the moose! to see a moose behaving like a dog was so so over the top for me! simply loved the character!

:-)

good week

i have been totally lazy this week and have not blogged. but ok, it's probably due to food poisoning and a bout of sickness over the past week. this week came and went very quickly. was on medical leave monday and again on wednesday. a very rare thing for me (for that matter, taking mc itself is quite infrequent for me)! and becos of that this week seemed very short.

nonetheless, it was quite a productive week as far as work and life is concerned. work wise, i have managed to start developing a new program for my cabin crew staff. have started that sometime back but due to different priorities that pulled me in all different directions, i have not been able to give it full attention and thus slowed down in launching the program. this time round, i have made the commitment to launch it on 7 jan and like it or not, i must get the program ready by then.

as far as personal life is concerned, it was good too. or at least a little more balanced. becos of mum's hospitalization, i was able to spend more time with bee. well, at least we managed to have dinner together daily. and that was something that hadn't happened for a long time.

and yes, i have finally changed the address of mum's identity card to my address. and with this change, the agent has finally proceeded with the application for the domestic help! let's hope things go smooth from here!

:-)

death overseas

well i wrote about how i came out to my lady friend sometime back. 

have know her since 1986 when i was doing my ns and through the years, we have kept in contact. and i think she's going through quite a bit of life's ups and downs through the years. she's a single mother, having divorced from her husband sometime back and had to bring up her daughter single handedly. 

well, she left the force last year, and started a new career outside shortly after that. and this year, she got to know a very nice ang mo overseas through facebook and they got married 2 months back. and over the last few days, she and her family decided to head to taiwan for a holiday and her mum passed away yesterday morning following a heart attack 2 days ago. as i write, she and her family members are making plans to bring back the body home for the funeral rites.

sighs… what a thing to happen during an overseas trip. but from another perspective, it was a beautiful way to go - on holiday and with all family members around.

i wish her strength during this difficult moment of her life.

vegetable oil

i learned something new from the dietitian last evening when i visited mum at the hospital. she was there attending to my mum and spoke to me about controlling cholesterol and sodium for elderly people through diet. two things that she said that i found interesting were:

• plant-based oil is healthier than animal-based oil with one except - vegetable oil. apparently, vegetable contains many other types of oil (i think i she said palm oil) that is contributes to hdl. and that increases that body cholesterol. she offered other alternatives such as canola oil, olive oil, sunflower oil, etc. 

• she also spoke about the control of sodium-intake. all yellow noodles are rich in sodium and should be avoided. all white noodles, such as kuay tiao and bee hoon, contains less sodium. the only exception to this is mee sua. accordingly, mee sua contains a rather high amount of sodium thus elderly people should not eat it cos it could possibly contribute to health complications.

the second point was rather amusing (and rather ironic too) cos for chinese, it is quite a common and traditional practice to eat mee sua during birthdays cos the long nature of the noodle symbolizes long life.

:-)

i lost my voice

yup… i lost my voice. experienced runny and blocked nose last night and woke up this morning with a very sensitive, yet parched and painful throat. making it worst was the fact that my throat was highly irritable and i kept coughing. oh dear, that was the clearest sign of the start of a bad flu.  told myself that i cannot take any chance and decided to pay a visit to my doctor. 

given one day medical leave from work and have slept whole morning till now. throat doesn't seemed to go get better, but let's be more patient. need to give the medication time to work. seriously hope it will go off in the next 2 days cos i have to conduct a course this coming monday.

medical leave

went to work this morning but felt a little woozy. 

decided to pay a visit to the doctor and had been given a day's rest at home. 

extended weekend for me i guess…

:-)

food poisoning

i woke up yesterday feeling totally off.

apart from the very bad heartburn, my stomach was also churning very badly. i could taste and smell the food i ate the night before and my whole body ached like crazy. and soon enough, I started making my runs to the toilet. diarrhea. in all, i must have gone to the toilet some 10-plus times through the whole morning.

came lunchtime, i had to drag myself to the hospital to visit mum and to pass her her hand phone. wouldn't want to have her getting worried or suspicious for no reasons. i didn't stay long. rushed home after dropping her phone off. and might as well cos my brother arrived just about the same time. and apart from the short half hour where i ate the dinner that bee got for me, i literally slept all the way till this morning.

thankfully, other than feeling a little lightheaded, i am feeling much better now.

start of a new workweek...

:-)

hospitalized again

mum was admitted to the hospital again over the weekend. it all happened on our way home from my brother's place.

while driving, i noted her heavy breathing and wheezing and instead of heading home, decided to bring her to the hospital. and what happened next was per all hospital visits, except that this time round it was kinda funny.

firstly, at the a&e, when the doctor came out to talk to me, she said i looked familiar. and i learned from mum that the nurses inside the a&e also recognized her. and interestingly, as she was wheeled into the ward, the nurses all recognized her too and many shouted her name out loud.

heh heh..

the kerchief

sgt arthur screamed, during one drill lesson: "pler-toon one five care-dads! all of you are gonna be officers one day. and officers are expected to be gentleman... and a gentleman carries a handkerchief wherever he goes! and i expect you to do so too…" that was in 1985 when i was an officer cadet.

but of cos, for me, since i was a boy in school, i have established the habit of carrying one. but that reminder by sgt arthur reinforced my belief in my practice. today, i still carry one wherever i go. everyday. unhygienic or old fashion some may call it, but it's what a gentleman should have and it is probably more environmentally friendly.

"yes sah-gernt!!!"

ps: i did a google on the word "handkerchief" and was totally intrigued by the rich history behind the humble piece of fabric!

picture from http://www.artofmanliness.com