slutty vs classy

there is a fine line between being classy and being slutty and i say this becos of a horrigible sight i saw just less than an hour ago at a hawker center... read on...

there i was, seated at a table with my mum and i was looking down, eating my fried mee when i noticed a pair of legs in knee-high shiny black leather boots walked towards my direction. she seemed to appear out of nowhere and my jaw literally dropped with what i saw. from the seat and how i was half-looking down, her privates were directly in my line-of-sight. and i could clearly see the outline of her privates and the slit (camel foot)! omfg! and it was obvious too that she was not wearing anything inside and that she had it shaved down there too!

if i were a superstitious traditional old china man of my ah gong-era, i would have rushed to the temple, pray to god, get loads of blessed flowers and wash my eyes with the flower water! so bloody suay (bad luck) to have the c*** b** in all its shaven glory emit all its negative yin energies onto your face point-blank in the morning! arrghhh... but, ok, before i digress, here're there details.

instinctively, i looked up to see who this horrible piece of meat that created such an unhealthy imprint on my innocent mind during my breakfast belonged to. it was a lady and she must have been in her mid-50s or probably nearing 60. she wore a very thick make-up (bright red lipstick and all) on her face and her hair was short and sassily-styled. as for her dressing, she wore a superbly tight black body suit complete with black high-heeled leather boots. over this body suit was a very loose bright yellow top that falls off to expose one of her shoulders. now, the material of the body suit was a little translucent and that allowed one to see glimpses of her skin below (which explained how i was able to conclude about her being shaved). she was a little "padded" all over and that makes her a bit voluminous. she has got very fair complexion although i couldn't see if there were any scars or marks. and to make things a little more wrong, her perfume was so strong and pungent the whole hawker center could smell her! it was just that overpowering! anyway, it was rather obvious she was aware of the attention she was attracting judging from the way she paraded herself up and down the hawker stalls...

but really, with such an outfit and overall image, straight men that respond to her would most likely be called "dirty old man" or something similar. as for gay men, i was sure all would thank whichever almighty they believe in they were gay (like me). and as for bisexual men, hmmm... they would all turn gay and stay gay for a long time!

and so, back to my point about being slutty vs classy. i thought she was totally on the wrong side of this slutty-classy continuum.

man was i a bitch today!

hahah!

let go...

i have often come across many so-called wise words and sharings from all sorts of people, books, and so on. and i seldom, if ever, put them in my blog no matter how they resonate with me. but today, it shall be an exception. i came across this in one of my friends' sharing in facebook and i thought it is something i can share with many people and the time is probably right for me to do it now too. this is cos i know there are several of my friends out there who are currently in some sort of stress (relationship, personal problems, family issues, etc), and that this short story may help to provide some clarity to the situations they are in...

during a workshop on stress management, a psychologist faced the audience and held up a glass of water. everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "how heavy is this glass of water?" answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. she replied, "the absolute weight doesn't matter. it depends on how long i hold it. if i hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. if i hold it for an hour, i'll have an ache in my arm. if i hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. in each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer i hold it, the heavier it becomes." she continued, "the stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. think about them for a while and nothing happens. think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. and if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." it’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. don't carry them through the evening and into the night. remember to put the glass down!

yup, it goes back to the whole idea and process of letting go... or rather, no, it must start with the first step, that is, make the resolve to let go.

very buddhistic, i thought.

and a lot of truth...

no?

yes!

when 2 becomes 1

ya, it is so romantic. and it had been sung many times over, through the ages. you can almost feel the electric and the chill down the spine just fantasizing the moments of entry... yes, when 2 becomes 1. wooo! the whole idea of 2 individuals joining together physically or making love (romantically phrased), or copulation/ sexual intercourse (scientifically and clinically phrased), or fucking (crudely and getting more colloquially phrased). well, at least that is the image most of us have been conditioned to picture when we come across this phrase when 2 becomes 1. no? haha!

but hey, in life, it is always about context. any words or phrases must always be interpreted in the right context. yes, when 2 becomes 1 can be so romantic and all, so much so that one can die from it (not literally la), all the sugary and stuff and all... but look here, if it is in the context of 2 mouth ulcers becoming 1...

god bless you!

ouch!

unknown calls/ smses

i have been getting quite a bit of calls and smses from numbers that i do not recognize, both on my regular phone as well as on my call card phone. and frankly, i'd simply ignore them. many, if not all, of these are either telemarketers, scams and/ or cheats.

there was once in an afternoon some days back when i got a call from this number +1 (653)-157-7473. and i happened to be online and did a quick google on the number. and i realized that many people had had calls from this number too. and from the postings, it suggests that someone could be using this number to steal information from other people's phones and that the caller would either claim he was from some banks (eg bank of china) doing some telemarketing or he would simply keep quiet.

similarly, i would usually get smses from local numbers offering to provide loans and/ or access to quick money at low or no interest rates. or if they were indonesian numbers, the smses would be telling me i had won some lucky draws and that i should call them up immediately to claim some huge amount of monies. bloody hell, if life was so easy, there would be no poor people around.

these calls/ sms feeds on the individuals greed and desires. previously, i would answer the calls and nicely tell them i was not interested but these days, i would simply ignore and delete.

praying mantis

earlier this evening, a praying mantis came to my house. i noticed it as i was about to close my glass door before retiring to bed. and it was rather huge! i told mum about it and she got a little excited. don't kill it, don't kill it she said (not that i will, cos i don't kill at all! lol). it is good luck! and it is here to give you good tidings! mum offered an explanation. the fact that it had appeared at your house now meant good things are going to happen soon. and i am sure you will be securing a job soon!

well, i was rather amused by her explanation, but what else can i say right? of cos i try to cajole the praying mantis to move away so that i could at least close my door. it finally crawled away and stationed itself at my louvre and has been there since. let's hope it flies off by tomorrow, or else it would be terrible if sapphie finds it and tries to sniff it. i cannot imagine how rude a shock she will get if she gets bitten by the praying mantis.

haha... 

i saw a heavenly body

yesterday, i made an appointment to have my back adjusted. the appointment was in the late afternoon and i decided to drop by the pool before that to relax my back muscles. was indeed a good one hour of sunning and at the same time cooling of my back in the cold water. very relaxing. of cos, my writing of this post is not to talk about relaxing my back la. you see, for the longest time, i have not gone to the pool in the afternoon. most of my visits were done after my chiro visits in the late mornings. so i was really pleasantly surprised by the very different afternoon crowd. 

there was only one other person when i first arrived. not one of the common face, i noted. nonetheless, i took my usual spot and continued my tan. in a distance outside the pool fence, i saw a rather fair guy walking towards the pool. ok, i thought to myself, someone i have not seen before and i continued sunning and didn't quite bother. not too long after, another person arrived. ok, usual person. familiar face. someone who used to wear skimpy leopard-print trunks, i thought. then again, i noted he wore a pair of luminous blue trunk yesterday. anyway, i continued my sunning. and before i knew it, the fair guy i saw earlier walked towards the tanning area. he had just finished his swim, judging by his wet body and where he walked from. again i didn't quite bother, although i noted he has quite a good physique. he went to a tanning deck a short distance away, put on his sunglasses and sat there. cute guy i thought. new face. fresh looking. i smiled to myself. less than 15 min later, he left.

as my appointment time was nearing, i stopped my tan not too long after that and made my way to the changing room. lo and behold, in the changing room, i got to see the fair guy in close proximity and i was totally amazed with what i saw... ok, i really don't know how to put it or to describe him. he has porcelain-like complexion, whole body, not just his face. "tofu-ly"-fair yet very healthy-looking with a certain rosy radiance. and he has superbly short hair. military look. he did not have a lean-cut figure, was not trim and toned and had some baby fats around him, but none that would make him look bad. but at a height of about 1.8-ish m, he looked good. really good. as for his face, he has that mysterious abc-kinda look. chinese, yet not chinese. very exotic. small slitty eyes but not to the extend of being "chinesey" (in a negative sense). just very attractive. and when he looked at a person, he looked straight into the persons' eyes. very piercing and disarming. hmmm... i really think i do not make much sense in my description of him. well, in short, let's just call him "heavenly body". "body" as in a "person" kinda-sense and not in a "torso" kinda-sense. haha!

and from his behavior, it was obvious mr heavenly body was obviously cruising in the pool shower room after his swim/ tan. he showered in the corner-most cubicle (where most gays do), and he emerged in his towel and started walking around the shower room to check people out. after that, he went to the corner cubicle at the other side of the shower room and shower too before returning to the first corner cubicle to shower again. and occasionally, he would leave his things in the shower cubicle, move to the shower room bench and use his smart phone to sms with his towel wrapped around his waist. otherwise, he did not venture into the cubicle or do anything with anyone. and when he was finally done, he changed up, left the shower room and sat outside. perhaps the people in the shower room wasn't his type or perhaps the place was a tat too crowded for him. then again, whether he hooked up with anyone i wouldn't know cos i left after i washed up and changed.

nonetheless, for me, it was a good visit. not only did i get to relax my back, i got to see new faces, new people, new bodies...

:-) 

interview again!

last week, i had to postpone my interviews due to my bad back. and i decided that it is not good to drag this too long and have arranged for the interviews to be done this week. so yes, i will be heading out for my second interview this afternoon. 

now the job for this afternoon's interview is kinda fast and sudden. got a call from an ex-colleague asking if i a keen for a role and she referred me to her husband who is working for a fledging airline. company has been in the red and only starting to turn around. industry wise, it looks like it is picking up but as a company, things seemed rather upside down currently. took a look at the website and facebook page and seemed like there are tons of complains. haha... and it will be interesting for me cos this position, unlike all my previous experiences in my ex-company, will only comprise my head, myself and another team-member. so, in all essence, it will likely be no different from that of an independent contributor. kinda new for me as i have always been in leadership positions. so... 

and yes, there's another interview this coming friday. a position that has been newly created and it is a huge position with a very large span responsibilities. a leadership position that is part of the senior management team. challenging job scope that i said i was not very keen in and rather admin-centric.  also, the opportunity cost for this position is tremendously huge. other than being in a very specific niche industry (independent school), there are no other similar positions in the commercial sector. similarly, the prospect for movement for this position is literally nil. so, am kinda torn between this and the position i am being interviewed for this afternoon...

crossroads right? but well, i am at least clearer now compared to the four choices i have reflected sometime back cos i have at least ruled out the 2 options of associate trainership and social work.

so, based on the options i have, one course of action is to take on the first role first, and then over the next year or 2, move on to large roles in other corporate set-ups and grow from there. the other course of action, of course, is to pursue the second role and stay on indefinitely. and if things do not turn out right, to start the whole job search process again. doing the first course of action would mean taking a step back for now for future growth. and doing the second would mean bigger risk cos if things go screwed up in say a year or 2, i would be nearing 50 and when that time comes, getting a job would be next to impossible!

for now, just go for the interviews. decision can be made later.

if things go smooth, hopefully i can start work soon.

up & about

the thing about bad backs are that when you behave like you have bad back, you will have a bad back! yup, of cos i admit it is easy to say that now that i am up and moving. but really, what i realized is that while i need to rest the back and not aggravate the injury, i also need to constantly make the effort to get up and move about. and of cos, when i do that, i need to make sure i get back to the basics - be conscious about my posture, my gait, my movements, and so on. in another words - be aware, be in the present, in the now, and be very focused. hmmm... why do i sound so buddhistic? haha...

have been nursing my bad back for the last week and have been trying to stretch myself insofar as my movements. and yesterday, i decided that i should go further than my comfort zone and decided to do my routines and live my life as normally as i could. and so, i went to the chiro, got a haircut, went to the market for my breakfast and so on... yes, admittedly, the back still hurt and i felt very sore after the activities. but i must say, after resting and lying on the heat-pad for half hour or so, i could get up and continue with whatever i need to do. this, i reckoned, is the only way i can hasten the recovery process. of cos, the process can be a bit difficult and achy cos by the end of the day, my whole body would feel so very tired. but i think in the long run, i can recover faster and probably get back to normality sooner.

but of cos, it was funny how i had to slowly take my time to get up of the hairdressing chair after the haircut, how i had to walk like an old man when i transit from activity to activity, how i had to hold my back in public as i slowly get up from my chair and start walking... and talking about getting back to normality, i went to the chiro yesterday and i was taught about the basics of how to stand from a sitting position and vice versa all over again. interestingly, how we had to relearn all the basics in order to minimize hurting our own body as we get older. 

but yes, i am now up and about and getting on with life. 

:-)

days of pure hell...

the past few days have been very difficult. the pain was really excruciating, especially during the first couple of days and based on the pain scale of 1 to 10, i would give it a 10 without thinking twice, and for that matter, even 11 or 12 or more if i have a choice! unlike previous times when i had sprained back, this time round it was extra challenging becos i have to also look after mum at the same time, and bee was not with me, in part becos mum was afraid of him, and in part becos he was overseas. and so, i had to survive through the pain almost singlehandedly. thankfully, on the first 2 days or so, my sis bought the meals and i could simply lie in bed, but after that, i was very much left on my own. but, hey, i made it! heh. anyway, this post is meant to capture what i experienced over the past days.

• in the first 3-4 days, the pain will occur whenever i have small movements that involved my back. and yes, you can never imagine how much you actually use your back until you get back ache!
• i could not stand, sit or lie down too long without the muscles entering a string of spasms. and when it occur, god bless me... my whole back would tense up/ stiffened up and i would be holding myself back from screaming out in pain. and i would be in this position for a good 5-6 seconds and waiting for the slow relaxing of my muscles to occur. imagine having 3-4 spasms through the middle of the night when you sleep... arghhh... cry!
• when i sleep, i had to sleep like how you would when you lie in a coffin. face up. and i cannot turn cos the pain will strike at the lower back and it will immediately send the body into a wave of muscle spasms...
• i could not bend, regardless of whether i was standing, sitting or lying down. when i tried to do so, the movements would immediately trigger a muscle spasm and the whole back will tense up and the pain will shoot from the lower back to the head and the legs...
• that means, i could not wear my pants, or take off my pants, put on clothes, take things, cover myself with blanket, lift up my hands, etc... in fact, anything that would require some form of stretches to the back muscle will result in muscle spasms...
• the pain was terrible when i transit between standing, sitting or lying down. in fact, at its peak, it took me minimally 15 minutes to transit from lying down to sitting up in bed. and another 2-3 minutes to stand up. and even then, i had to hold onto the 4-legged walking frame in order to stand up. and another minute of so for my body to slowly get use to the standing position before i can move a step.
• so, with the time required for the above, i needed to give myself a lot a lot of allowance if i wanted to, say, pee. it took about 20 mins for me to get to the toilet bowl from my lying position in bed...
• and i had to try my hardest not to cough, laugh, and anything that would make my body move in such a way that would create any pressure on my bad back, or the spasm will occur.
• and so, it was amidst all these pains that i had to bring mum her medication to her rehab center, to buy her food, to worry about her meals, to worry about her medications...
• and it was amidst all these pains that i had to continue to also make sure sapphie is brought down to pee, to shit, etc
• and it was amidst all these pains that i had to continue with my daily routines like bathing, cleaning the house, washing the toilet, sweeping the floor, etc... 
• on day 5 when things were a little more stable, i was at least able to move about slowly. and that was when i decided to drive mum to my brother's place... to keep her occupied while i rest.
• it is day 6 today, and i was able to move about a little more easily, and head out to the market for lunch... the pains are a lot less and the spasm has receded to almost none (unless there are sudden jerking movements)

hopefully, things will be back to normal again in the next 2-3 days or so....

:-)

self-made porn

ok, these are some interesting things that i believe many of us have attempted but would never ever dare to admit... and they are using our own smart phones to: 

• create self-made porn video clips, and
• take sexy/ compromising pictures of ourselves... 

(i can almost hear people going omg! now, lol!) so have you done it? yes? no? heh heh... for me, admittedly, i have. after all, i am that type of person who thinks that life is to be experienced, especially for things that we don't normally do. and this applies equally when it comes to experimenting with self-made porn. and yes, it was quite fun, and it was really hilarious to see the product. haha! and seriously, it is not easy being a porn star. really. heh heh. anyway, it's only for the fun of it. after that, i deleted everything. cannot risk being another edison chen or something like that...

haha...

pestering mum

i felt rather irritated and unhappy with mum these few days. but i kept my cool cos she is having early stage dementia and is probably not in a proper state to think about other people's well-being.

you see, 3 days ago, i had a very bad back sprain and since then, i have been nursing my bad back. as a result, i was bedridden most of the time and was unable to move much. and of all things, she went to do her laundry yesterday. ok, before going further, the context is that she had been told many times not to do laundry cos she gets breathless and carrying heavy things will endanger her life. so, when i asked her why she did so, she said she didn't want to trouble me given my back problem. well, of cos, i should feel appreciated but she failed to realize that if she had a fall or if her breathlessness strike, i would not be able to manage the situation. but ok, i took it positively and thanked her for the wrongly placed but well-intended considerations. i have moved on...

and yesterday, while i was all groggy from my medication, the rehab center called up. just now, your mum said she didn't want to come to the center, the rehab center manager said. she said she wanted to go see doctor and said her whole body was aching. i was concerned but thankfully the rehab manager assured me that her staff didn't leave her and insisted that she go to the rehab center instead. i asked to speak with my mum and she complained that her body ached. and she asked me to bring her pain medication to her. and so, with me feeling drowsy and with muscles pulling like no tomorrow, i brought her her medication. almost died of pain doing that. and to top it off, as i was driving, mum called and chide me for being slow. hiaz... anyway, i suspected her pain was a result of her doing the laundry. nonetheless, by late afternoon, she said all her pain was gone.

and today, when i went to the hospital, she went out on her own to see the family doctor. and i didn't know about it until i came home and found her panting in the sofa. she said her body was painful and decided to go out on her own since i was not home. and guess what, the medication she was prescribed with were the same as those i have been giving her. i told her not to do such stupid thing again cos the last time she did the same, she fell in the middle of the road and sustained quite a bit of bloody bruises. if it happens again, i am sure it will not be just bruises we have to contend with.

and then, just now, she asked me to bring her out to the shopping center to buy her herbal wine. she said she had finished her last bottle and without the wine, she feels tired and her body aches. and when i told her i will buy for her, she insisted on coming along. i told her i would not be able to handle her wheelchair for her due to my bad back and she turned defensive. i can walk! i don't need the wheelchair, she insisted. i told her there was no way i could manage her if she trip and fall, and she became unhappy. so in the end, i gave in and brought her out to buy her herbal wine and to get her her dinner too. but i insisted she stay in the car while i head to the shop to buy cos i couldn't manage the wheelchair. and interestingly, she told my sis i insisted on going out despite her telling me to rest! doh!

sighs... very challenging indeed.

yup, slipped disc

been 3 days and my back still hurt like crazy. well, ok, there was some slight improvements but the muscle spasms continue. and whenever the spasms occur, my whole body would tensed up and my face would turn pale. it was just that bad. and the worst was that the spasm also occur at regular intervals through the night and i would be rudely shocked out of my sleep. and of cos, the spasm would similarly occur when i try to bend my body to, say, wear my pants, pick things up, carry things, and so on. also, i noticed that whenever i pee these few days, the stream would be weak and i need to consciously put in some efforts to pee. on the same token, my bowel patterns has been badly disrupted, so much so that i have not moved my bowels since i sustained the injury. 

and today, i decided that enough is enough, it is time to pay a visit to the hospital accident and emergency ward. i certainly do not want a case where secondary issues start to appear. at the hospital, i went through the usual triage, consultation, x-ray, etc. thankfully, the x-ray results suggest no bone/ spur-related issues. the doctor confirmed it was slipped disc and cautioned that i should take complete rest for a couple of days. he also advised that i should get back to the a&e department immediately when and if i start to show signs of incontinence as well as the inability to control my bowel movements. i asked for a jab to help ease the pain and to help the muscles relax. to be followed-up with the orthopedic department in a month's time. and with that i was discharged.

and not long after i reached home, my stomach started churning.

shitting never felt so good!

:-)

gay = kidults?

u u, yuan yuan & hum hum

i got this picture from a very nice friend who tells me he considers himself a kidult, an adult who enjoys playing with things associated with kids. accordingly, he considered these toys to be his "kids" and that he is single-parenting them. for that matter, he even gave his toys names! very interesting right? for myself, there was once in my mid-20s when i kept a lot a lot of bears. i clearly remembered how i actually took the trouble to arrange my bears neatly in a row at the back of my car. and i went to the extend of even having the biggest bear sit on my lap and placed his "hands" on the steering wheel as i drive. and i would imagine him driving the car instead!

xiao bai (before going to bed)
& don't you think his eyes are so very expressive?

thinking deeper, it struck me that many of my gay friends (and myself included) have some form of soft toys. for example, bee has a domo and a bear (which he calls xiao bai), and together, we have a couple of other toys such as astroboy, bert & ernie, dam has a roomful of eeyore the donkey from the winnie to poole series, and now this friend has his 3 "kids". and this begs the question - is being kidults and keeping soft toys something that is seen more amongst gay men?

domo & xiao bai

what do you think?

slipped disc (?)

i hurt my back last afternoon as i was preparing to head out for a job interview. i was brushing my teeth and scraping my tongue when i started coughing and next thing i knew, my back gave way. i couldn't stand up straight. it was so painful i could only manage to walk with my whole body bend. called my sis and she brought me to a chinese sinseh. this sinseh apparently had many years of experience and had been treating my sis and her family for more than 20 years. i did the driving and picked up my sis before we made our way to the sinseh's home.

when we reach the car park, my body had stiffened up and i couldn't move at all. in fact, i even had problem getting out of my car. thankfully, my mum's wheelchair was in the boot and my sis used it to wheel me up. the sinseh took a look at me, applied some medicated oil on my back and gave it a quick massage. i was literally squirming in pain as he did so. after the massage, he asked me to sit upright. i couldn't, the pain was just too bad. he continued with some more massage and the next thing i knew, he held my shoulder and pulled me backwards. i screamed out in pain and using his knees, he pressed against my lower back and gave a jerk. i screamed out again and immediately i felt dizzy. i felt my blood leaving my upper body and everything started to blank off. the dizziness got worst and my body went limp and i almost passed out. frankly, i didn't really know what happened after that. all i could remember was the sinseh giving me a glass of warm water and kept asking me to drink it as he led me to the sofa. when i sat onto the sofa, everything around me started whirling. and couple of seconds later, my body broke into cold sweat.

it was terrible. in what felt like a forever later, he explained to me that my spine has gone out of alignment (back sprain? slipped disc?) and that this has resulted in the muscles spasms (muscle strain). he said that he had managed to push it back in place and asked me to try to sit upright again (which i tried and yes, i could). the dizziness went off after 5min. my sis stood beside me through the whole process and she panicked a little cos she did not expect my face to turn green. after resting a while, we took our leave and my sis drove me home. from then till today, i had been bedridden. the back muscles kept getting into spasms even while i laid on my bed. really dislike this feeling of intense burst of pain. so for the whole of today, i did nothing but just downing pills after pills of muscle relaxant and painkillers. my sis bought me my meals while bee got me coffee and gave me a wipe down.

thankfully by evening, i felt a lot better and i managed to bring sapphie downstairs to pee.

whew! 

job interview 2

i was supposed to attend a job interview yesterday. it was for a job that i was not really keen on. but i decided to go for the interview as (1) it was recommended by an friend, and (2) i believe there are things i can learn from it. the job is similar to that of a general manager and the job scope is tremendously huge. 

the whole preparatory process for this interview is quite different from what i have experienced so far in my professional life. instead of asking for referees, the head of the unit asked for letters of recommendations. it caught me a little off-guard frankly. as such it was quite a rush for me given the need to write in to my ex-big boss and to request my staff to agree to provide such a letter. and of cos, i have to craft the initial draft for them too...

well, everything was finally settled on tuesday and yesterday came along. the interview was scheduled at 4pm. and at about 2.30pm, i started changing up. took a bath, brushed my teeth... and as i scraped my tongue, i coughed and next thing i knew, my back gave way! oouuuccchhh! damned! why must this happen at this very moment! i know there would be no way for me to go for the interview, and for that matter the second interview for the other job i wrote about earlier.

i had no choice but to call in and ask for the interview to be postponed...

job interview 1

for whatever reasons, i have gotten quite a few calls to attend interviews this week. and one of them was arranged in triple quick time. 

last friday night, i got a call from one of my ex-colleague who asked if i have found a job, and when she learned that i am still looking, she asked that i email my resume to her husband. frankly, i didn't know what her husband was working at but decided to email him nonetheless. to be safe, i phrased the content of my email in the most formal manner. you know, dear so and so, reference this and that, and gave an introduction to myself and so on. and not too long later, her husband replied and said that he will arrange for someone to interview me first thing monday morning. it was then that i realized he is the chief of department in a local airline company. whew!

and sure enough, i got a call and an interview was arranged on tuesday. the person that called me was very nice and asked that i wear informally. it would be a chit chat session he said and added that he himself would be informally dressed. again, i decided to play safe and wore my office wear, that is, long sleeve and pants. i decided to do away with the tie. i reckoned if i were overdressed, at least it wouldn't be too far from being informal. thankfully enough, when the interviewer appeared, he was in office wear, same as me! haha... the "chit chat" went well and i found out that this person would be the one i would be reporting to if i decide to take up this position. we ended the conversation with him telling me that he was keen to hire me and that he would arrange for me to meet his boss (who is my colleague's husband) on thursday (which is tomorrow)!

regretfully, i have to postpone this interview cos i had hurt my back. 

haiz...

ps: i am really appreciative of my ex-colleague for the referral. although we did not interact much, there were many occasions where i helped her and we ended up rather friendly to one another. perhaps that was why she referred me to her husband. karma at play? whatever the case, i am thankful to her for that.

flying kar chuak...

in my condominium, there are a lot of pilots and cabin crews. many of them are foreigners. take the resident's profile on my floor for example. there are 4 units. the pilot and i own one unit each. as for the other 2 units, they had been sublet out to a group of filipinos, and a group of thai sia air stewardess respectively. and given the pilot and the air stewardess' frequent traveling, my floor would usually be very peaceful and quiet. but two nights ago, this peace was badly disrupted.

you see, as i was about to doze off, i was awaken by a woman's scream. it was a superbly shrilling and  panicky scream, and it pierced through the quiet of the night. i never liked to hear screams and my imagination ran wild. a lot of questions ran through my head... did someone just jumped down? did someone commit a murder? and so on. and as i was still searching for an answer, another scream sounded off. and some few seconds later, a couple of screams rang through continuously. oh no, i thought, will mum's imagine run wild? given her paranoia, will the screams give her ideas of murder and houses being broken into? i felt very unsettled and i didn't like that feeling. instinctively, i got out of bed, opened my window and did a visual check and this was what i saw...

the bedroom window of the air stewardess unit was fully opened. one of the air stewardess was holding a broom and waving it like a mad woman. and another one of the air stewardess was running in and out of the room and looking superbly flustered and worried. after a few short moments, the woman who was waving the broom stopped and she quickly closed the window and shut the curtains. hmmm... if i guessed it correctly, the room must have belonged to the one that looked flustered. and based on my many previous experiences with james (my ex), the reasons behind the screams must be - a flying kar chuak (cockroach).

haiz... really, wtf right? i was sure her screams woke the whole neighborhood up! thankfully, there was no further screams after that. and when i think about it now, i thought it was a little funny.

:-)

picture from http://samandthedunes.com/tag/travel/

lu peranakan?

scene: hawker center. i was in a queue for vegetarian bee hoon when a chinese auntie and a younger woman (daughter?) cut right into the front. they were speaking to each other very quickly in malay and commenting on how nice this store's bee hoon and kway teow were. and after a short moment, the younger woman realized they had cut the queue and apologized. the following conversation occurred.

young woman (turning to me): oh, sorry sorry.

auntie (turning around): apalah sorry? kalau dia tak happy, nanti gua pukul dia!

me (shocked by her sentence, and sounding a little annoyed): auntie, tak boleh pukul gua tau? kalau auntie pukul, gua report polis, pangil polis tangkap

young woman (laughingly): ahhh, auntie sudah ada umur, polis tak tangkap punya

me (smiling): are you indonesians?

auntie & young woman (proudly): no no we are peranakan!

me: me too (which is only half true la)

auntie: ohhhh, ni macam, lu tau cakap melayu tak?

me (doh! what other language was i speaking in?): tau...

auntie (turning to the young woman): sekarang, banyak peranakan youngsters tak tau cakap melayu tau? (and turning to me) oh, by the way ya, kalau lu mau makan cendol melaka, boleh pi jalan tua kong ya? they have very good cendol there. tapi must go early ya, if not they very early jual habis...

by which time, their food was ready and they took their food and went off yak yak yak, as they continue their auntie talk. quite an interesting experience if you ask me. and when i thought about it, i thought it was regretful that the first question asked these days between peranakans is whether he can speak malay or not. not being able to speak one's mother tongue/ dialect is the start to losing one's touch with his/ her culture.

but on the other hand, waaaaaa! auntie called me a "youngster".

mata auntie memang sudah rosak!

hahaha!

picture from http://www.peranakan-kl.org

windows & doors

yesterday, while watching tv after my run, mum asked me what happened to the kitchen window glass panes cos she noticed they had been removed. (i removed them last year and she only noticed it now!) i told her i had removed them as i had had installed windows for the utility room and hence there is no more need for the kitchen to have window panes. from her gestures, i knew she didn't quite agree but she kept quiet about it.

and since we were at the topics of windows, and i took the opportunity to ask her why she has the habit of checking on all the doors and windows after i retire to bed. and this was despite the fact that i had ensured all windows and doors were locked before i retire nightly. and she replied: "ah gong (her dad aka my grandpa) used to tell me that before i sleep i must check to ensure all doors and windows are locked after mama (my grandma, her mother) has retired to bed"... and added that "that is why i need to check every night".

amused, i reminded her that ah gong had told her to do so in her capacity as a daughter. and that it is the responsibility of the daughter to ensure the house is properly secured after her mother has gone to bed. but now, she must remember that her role is no longer that of a daughter but a mother. therefore, the person that should be checking should be me and not her. her 'responsibility" now is to simply go to bed and sleep. after my explanation, she kept quiet for a moment, and then she let out a laugh, oh ya hor... she said.

tell you... despite the many heartaches of looking after an elderly with dementia, there are always amusing moments when you probe further into the logic of why they do certain things. and this was one of them. anyway, she has been relatively stable these last 2 weeks. i supposed the lunar new year period and the visitations have kept her mind relatively busy.

:-)

dear... so bloody sweet!

mum had been asking for kfc pancakes since mid-last week and finally, last saturday i made my way down to the kfc outlet at the nearby mall. when i arrived, there was already a queue and as per all law-abiding citizen, i joined in the queue. not too long after that, a guy with 2 kids in hand arrived and queued behind me.

this guy looked rather rough and tough. he should be in his late 30s, face macam kenah langgar by a truck (and gostan and gohead a few times somemore) and packed a reasonable huge paunch too. hmm, so totally not much of a looker and definitely not my type too, i thought to myself (ya, i admit, i was damned mean right?). and as he queued, he decided that he should ask if his wife would like to join in. and he whipped out his smartphone, pressed a quick dial number, and then shouted out to his kid to talk to the wife. "come come, talk to mummy and ask her if she wants to come for breakfast too! if she wants, daddy will order her share..." he shouted out as the kids ran away and play in the kfc outlet. sometimes, i wonder why daddies have this tendencies to ask kids to talk to their mums. i mean, already pressed pressed number and call got through and still... haiyohhhh! can't take it right!?! and those kids hor. come into eatery don't know how to behave and run around and scream like a lost wild animal from africa transplanted into the middle of modern civilization. tsk tsk tsk! i tell you, it's probably easier to just tie them to the lamppost outside the shopping center! at least people can eat their breakfast peacefully. haiz... ok, ok... back to my post...

when he held out the phone, i saw the words "dear" displayed on the screen. wahhhh... so sweet right? such sweet reference fby a man who looked totally incapable of any tender loving touch. haha! ok, ok, i admit. i was (and still can be) mean and i am superficial (if i want to) here...

but... he is so sweeeeet right? sweeeter than manuka honey lor!

lol!

picture from http://m.target.com/p/so-sweet-cookie-jar/-/A-14280546

baby cemetery

i attended a funeral of an ex-colleague's baby today and i realized for the first time that there is actually a muslim baby cemetery in singapore. 

the baby cemetery was located at the corner of the muslim cemetery and it was fringed by rows of nice natural tall trees and vegetation. the burial plots were a miniature of a normal adult plot. about half the size, if i am correct. and short of a better adjective, rather cute. as of today, half of the area allocated had been filled. and despite the fact that it was a cemetery, the baby's resting place didn't feel like one. it was, surprisingly, rather cheerful. ok, cheerfully-solemn. there were many colorful decorations, pinwheels and toys placed on most of the graves. and the presence of these colorful objects made the whole place looked rather cheery. yet, by the organized way each plot was position and the presence of tombstones, one was reminded that it was a burial ground after all.

and despite all the "cuteness" and "cheerfully solemn", we were quickly reminded that we were there for something very poignant and very serious once the body arrived. and in no time, the burial service and the burial proper were conducted. during that moments, all colors and toys disappeared from our focus.

picture from http://farm5.staticflickr.com/

death of a baby

i attended a funeral today. and there is something very solemn and sad about attending funerals. the whole process reminds me of our vulnerability and the fragility of life. and it is during such events that i get reminded about the sureness of death in life and that when it comes to treating people around us, there is no need to sweat the small stuff, and be nice and respectful.

and the mood today was even more poignant becos it was not a normal funeral. it was the funeral of a baby, my ex-colleague's baby to be exact. she was born a few weeks premature. the doctors had suggested a c-section delivery given that the baby's condition was not good and that there was no possibility of a natural, normal birth. and this was becos the baby had edward's syndrome. that was about 2-plus months ago. it was on a cool evening in the midst of my run when i receive an sms from an ex-colleague telling me about the birth. usually news of baby arrivals would carry a happy and celebratory tone, but that message did not. it ended by saying that the baby was underweight and its chance of surviving was bleak. after reading the message, i felt uneasy. i stopped my run, caught my breath and gave a call to my ex-colleague straight away.

he sounded a little tired and surprised to get my call. he explained the condition to me. there could possibility be a chance to live up to probably a year if she could pull through the first 2-3 days, he said. the doctors had asked if he wanted to let the baby go or to put the baby on life support. if he were to choose the latter, he should be mentally ready that it would be a long and arduous journey. medically, he was aware, that there was no cure and that he should be prepared for the baby to go anytime. nonetheless, he decided to put the baby on life support. i consoled him and told him to take things easy, leave it in god's hands and be strong. and i told him that as he focus his energies and resources on the new born, he must never forsake the well-being of his wife and his 3 other children. i visited the baby at the neo-natal intensive care unit (nicu) not too long after that. i must admit i felt rather distressed by the sight of a little baby and all the life support tubings radiating from its body. the baby was no bigger than a medium sized papaya, and weighed much lighter it seemed. her eyes were closed and she has all the physical features of a baby with edward's syndrome. and it was rather heart-wrenching to see the mother touching tenderly the baby's hands that were waving rather weakly as she struggled on with the life-support machines.

over the course of the last couple of months, we kept in close contact. two weeks ago, he sounded a little cheerful in his update that the baby's weight had increased a little. she was a little more than 1.6kg. and when she reach 2kg, she could be discharged, he said. when i heard him say that, frankly, i felt uneasy and mixed. i was happy that she was doing well. yet on the other hand, i knew it would be temporary and that the big picture was that edward's syndrome is incurable and that the future would be bleak. thinking about the emotional, psychological and physical stress that every one in the family had been going through, and possibly an intensifying of this stress when the baby goes home made me sad. it was during these moments that i do wonder if we were being (in)humane when we use medical equipments in our attempts to avoid the inevitable when we know there is no hope. nonetheless, we left it at that. that was not the moment to talk about such stuff.

two days ago, an sms came in - my baby is now in critical condition. i felt sad when i saw that message.  i knew the time had come. and i was sure he knew too. but it was not appropriate to say anything that sounded any less than good. i could only wish him strength.

and last evening, the news came in. my baby has passed away...

good visit to polyclinic

i had a slight abrasion on my left thigh last week and it developed into a terrible rash. it was super itchy and i decided to head to the polyclinic 2 days back. and since i was there, i might as well get some medication for my flu. 

i have heard of the terribly long wait that one would have to undergo to see the doctor. in addition, i have often heard about the bad services at our local polyclinics. frankly, i have never experience such waits nor services because i subscribe to the family doctor services and have personalized services and a dedicated doctor whenever i visit the polyclinic. and so, with this mental model of our polyclinics and low expectations, i walked into the marine parade polyclinic. and of cos, my visit to the polyclinic was rather interesting for the fact that 

• from the screening, i found that i had regained the weight lost over the past month or so (damned!)
• i was allocated a doctor that specializes in woman's issue, and 
• there were so many national service boys! and a few of them were rather cute too! haha... perhaps it was the fact that i had boys to look at that made my time pass quite quickly? hmmm...

overall, i thought it was a good experience. i must say that the whole approach to patient management was rather clinical (no pun intended). the whole visit could be broken into 4 stages - registration, consultation, pharmacy and payment. and the wait for each of the process was acceptable to me. not too long but the crowded was cleared systematically and in the most orderly manner. my whole visit lasted some 1 hour 15 minutes, which i thought was not too bad at all!

and in terms of the services, it was actually quite good. people addressed me by my name, smiled at me, tried to make small talk as they treated me, and the doctor went an extra mile too. i was waiting at the pharmacy when the doctor came to me.. mr sim, i think you'd left your keys in the consultation room... and with that she held up my keys! thank good ness for this, else i'd have been stranded at the polyclinic!

:-)

flu flu flu...

it's flu time again in the family... i think we must have got it from my niece when we visited my bro's place last week for the prayers. but that is not material now. fact is, my mum has been coughing non-stop for the last couple of days and the cough doesn't seemed to improve. and as for me, i am also starting to cough and my throat has been feeling somewhat unwell over the past few days.

been giving mum some cough mixtures. if her cough doesn't improve over the next few days, there will be a high chance for her to come down with pneumonia or bronchitis and that would mean another round of hospitalization... sighs. this has been the pattern for her over the pass few bouts of flu. need to manage and hope for the best. as for me, well, have been fending the flu off with lotsa water and exercise. so far, i've been holding well. will be heading for an interview mid-week, hope i do not come down with a fever or loose my voice...

tongkat ali

well, i was chatting with natkean and dilbert this morning and the topic of tongkat ali surfaced. hmmm, frankly, due to my aging mind, i could not really recall how it came about other than i mentioned it. i think it must have been something to do with supplements, collagen or something, and that the conversation went on to someone saying collagen tasted like cum... haha, ok before i digress, yup, tongkat ali. i mentioned about tongkat ali and asked if the pharmacy natkean spoke about sells it. and he was kinda curious why i asked about it. of cos it is about impotence, i said. this was something i blogged about previously. well ok, to be exact, about the need to maintain a certain level of male health (you know...) and to stay healthy of cos. (ya... i can hear you guys going "ya rite!")

and talking about tongkat ali, i actually studied it when i was an undergrad some 26 years ago (gosh, that was a superbly long time ago)! i remembered clearly one day when we were in the midst of a field trip to the bukit timah forest and we came across a rather interesting looking plant. we stopped and my supervisor told us, with this cheeky grin on his face, that it was something men take to boost their sexual prowess. we quickly moved on after that and the topic was never brought up again. heh heh... anyway, the vernacular name "tongkat ali" means "ali's walking stick" in malay. i understood that the reference to "walking stick" was due to the fact that the plant typically has a central long stem, like a walking stick, and a nice rosette crown of compound leaves at the top. and as to why the name "ali", hmmm... perhaps the person who first used it was called "ali"? haha... whatever the case, the scientific name of this tropical plant that is endemic to this region is euricoma longifolia. this plant is commonly used by natives for its healing as well as its aphrodisiac qualities. ok, shan't go into the botanical details of this. you can read it here if you are curious enough! 

while it was not too well known commercially back then, the popularity of this plant has since spread  far and wide. products of this plant can be found in all sorts of forms and drinks now. just google it and you can find lots of it in the net. but beware, i read that there are many fake products too... and as for me, well... if there's something to take to boost my health, i guess it is ok right? 

heh heh...

;-)

picture from http://www.itsnature.org/plant_life/vegetation-plants/eurycoma-longifolia/

professional crossroads

here i am again, at another crossroad of my professional life. and it is even more difficult for me now compared to 3 years ago when i left service given my age. and as it stands now, there are many choices for me.

firstly, i have the option of going into general managership. for that matter, i have an interview coming up for a such a role in a private school next week. given the superbly wide span of responsibilities, i can expect it to pay relatively well. and assuming that i get the job, it would also mean i will be chopping myself off from what i am strong in and subjecting myself to a whole lot of stress. the opportunity cost would be tremendous if i take this up and realize downstream that it is not what i want.

secondly, there is this option of looking for a job related to what i am strong in. as it stands, i have applied for several positions, both in the government as well as private sectors. this option would allow me to perform what i am good at with some possible exposure to conduct training, something that i am passionate about. and renumeration-wise, i can expect the package to be relatively ok, not fantastic, but able allow me to sustain.

thirdly, there is the option of going on my own and assuming the role of an associate training and an associate coach. this is an interesting option and i will be able to do what i like, i.e, train and coach. there is currently a company that is very keen to sign me up. but the renumeration would be relatively unstable as it is paid on project basis and the package would not include areas such as medical benefits, cpf payouts etc...

lastly, i have the final option of giving up corporate life and do social work. of the few options, this would probably be the least stressful. and i can also expect this option to come with the lowest renumeration and i am not sure if i am able to sustain my livelihood if i choose this option...

sighs... crossroads indeed. i certainly need to sit down and chart out the details before i can make a more informed decision about what i should focus on as i move ahead. my gut feel as of now is that the last option is out. and in terms of priority, would it be option 2, 3 followed by 1? or 1, 2, 3? or 3, 2, 1? hmmm... i really need to sit down a reflect what i want... pay, strength or passion?

think think think. what would you do if you were me? any advice?

for now, i will sleep over it...

:-)

empty wait

remembered i wrote about going for 4 rounds of interview and then they told me they would make the decision end-dec? and by end-dec, the response the company gave was that they would review the decision end-jan? well... end-jan came and went. and upon checking with them again after the lunar new year break (yesterday to be specific), their response was that they have frozen all hiring and will only make the decision in jun this year. 

despite my jolly cheerful tone when i spoke with the headhunter, i felt a sense of betrayal. then again, there were no promises. the headhunter explained that there was some internal politics that the hiring manager had to contend with and it was really beyond her. well, i totally understand but i find it hard to swallow. darned! that is certainly not a professional way to handle recruitment! what the hell right? anyway, i wrote to her, and nicely told her that i will be moving on to look for other jobs, and that i continue to look forward to be able to be part of her team... cross the river but don't burn the bridge i reminded myself. 

frankly, i would be lying if i say i was not upset by this whole episode. any normal person would. after all the positive vibes, the 4 rounds of interviews, etc. but well, i told myself i have to accept it. what's not yours will not be yours. on the other hand, i would say that in a way, i had half-expected this to happen, despite sounding all positive about it. or perhaps i had been jaded... or perhaps i had harboured hopes about it sub-consciously. whatever... move on, i told myself. they do not deserve me. 

it didn't take long for this development to sink in. admittedly, in the last months, although i had continued with my job search, i must say i did not put in my full efforts into it. but yesterday itself, within the day itself, i surprised myself by actually applying 2 jobs within half a day! haha... well, i will be heading for an interview next week. it was something recommended by a friend from my previous organization. i must say that i am not really looking forward to this position, but let's see how. anything is better than nothing currently.

press on, press on...

:-)

拜天公

we celebrated the birthday of the jade emperor (天公生) on the evening of the eighth day of the lunar new year (last sunday evening). it was indeed a long a busy day for us, all the preparations, the sugar cane, cooking the meats, etc... it was an annual affair and a grand one indeed. and this was the only time of the year that we would transfer the urn that we use on the family altar for him. and of course, special attention would be accorded to the setting of the altar and all the associated paraphernalia (i understand from mum that the way the altar was arranged was something she learned from my grandparents decades ago. with specific baba influence, i supposed?).

interestingly, from what i read, i realized that many of the practices we do (like starting the prayers at 11pm and ending by midnight, offering of ang ku kuih, tee kueh, sugar canes, etc) are all very similar to what the the hokkiens and the peranakans in penang do! and as to the origins of this celebration, you can read more about it in this link...

haha!

:-)

missing bread

i usually buy and leave french loaves on the dining table as mum would eat them for her breakfast daily. and usually, i will buy 4 loaves at a go and they would last some 3-4 days, depending on mum's appetite. what happened was yesterday, when i left the house, i noted there were still 3 loaves of bread on the table. but when i returned, none was left. and staring at me with a guilty face and with her tail wagging slowly and lowly was none other than... yup, you guessed it. sapphie!

hmm! naughty girl! anyway, if this were to happen years ago, i would have probably given her a good trashing and/ or scolding. but these days, perhaps i have gotten used to it or that i am a lot more patient, i simply smiled at her and told her nicely not to do it again (like as though she understand)... haha! just looking at her looking at me with her guilty face was enough to tell me that she knew it was wrong. and come on, what else could you expect a dog to be right? she was simply being herself!

:-)

wt* pool sightings!

recently, i have seen some very interesting sights at the swimming pool and so i thought i should blog about it. and as i do so, i might as well include the many things i have seen before too! and yes, these were all sighted in our public pools. and incidentally, what i have listed below were all sighted at one particular pool! haha...

• parents who use normal diapers for their kids in the pool (!)
• children running around the pool naked
• children who wear swimming suits that are at least 2 sizes larger than what they need
• grossly obese woman with mega-love handles, gigantic arms, thunder thighs, etc...
• as above, and wearing translucent sarong
• as above, and sunbathing in skimpy bikinis
• as above, and snacking non-stop on nuts and carbonated drinks
• women wearing the tudung (religious headscarf) while sunbathing
• as above, and sat near gay men in skimpy trunks
• women who wear the skimpiest bikinis sunbathing
• as above, facedown and their bikini tops unstrapped (confirmed real ones... lol!)
• monk swimming
• men who wear underwear (those chinese brand ones) to swim
• men who wear tights over their swimming trunks
• men who wear 2 swimming trunks
• men who wear swimming trunks that are at least 2 sizes larger than what they need
• men who wear swimming trunks that are at least 2 sizes smaller than what they need
• men who wear g-strings
• men who wear skimpy swimming trunks
• as above, lie prone on the floor for so long it seemed like they are glued to it
• men who wear skin-coloured swimming trunks
• men who wear leopard-print swimming trunks
• men who wear tiger-print swimming trunks
• men who wear luminous-tone swimming trunks (esp lime green, bright blue, and deep pink)
• men who wear translucent swimming trunks (esp light coloured ones)
• as above, in the wading pool trunk became almost transparent!
• men who wear translucent g-strings
• men who wear nothing but a tiny towel
• men who wear cock-ring in their trunks
• men rubbing oil on every little cracks and crevices of their body
• men rubbing oil on every little cracks and crevices of each other's body
• men who jogs around the pool
• men who dance by the side of the swimming pool
• men who visits the pool toilet and not the pool/ tan
• men who does stretching in the pool toilet
• men who does ballet dance stretching in the pool toilet
• men who keeps showering non-stop in the pool toilet
• men who parades around in the pool toilet in birthday suits
• as above, but with a cock-ring and exposing themselves to selective audiences
• men who have sex openly in the pool toilet (!) 

doh! doh! doh! (and by the colour coding, you should know the category of people i am referring to...)

:-)

picture from http://www.sacramentogaymen.com

人日

last saturday was the seventh day of the chinese lunar new year and it was celebrated by many as 人日 (human day). and as usual, my phone was inundated with lotsa birthday greetings, after all that day was celebrated as a birthday for all humankind. as for many chinese in south east asia (more specifically, indonesia, malaysia and singapore), they would commemorate the day by having dinners with family and/ or friends. and importantly, the tossing and eating of the 鱼生 (yu sheng) or raw fish salad is a necessity during this dinner. 

and that was what bee & i did with schneider and natkean. it was a simple but heavy hokkien dinner followed by a round of poker game at bee's place! so it was an evening of food, food, food & more food, cookies, cookies cookies & more cookies, cards, and wine. and of cos, natkean was kinda stuck with the chinese serial that bee played. and above all, it was a simple but very very good break for me. considering the fact that the dinner was almost called off as mum went into a major emotional swing/ tantrum that very morning itself (that lasted through to sunday)...

:-)

picture from http://imgfave.com/search/food%20porn

i can't get hard (enough)!

feeling a little bored, i googled "sex and the middle-aged man" this morning. and surprisingly, a whole lot of resources appeared. scrolled down the list and one of them caught my attention. it was on erectile dysfunction (ed), aka unable to get hard, impotence, and so on. and considering that in the past few months, i do not seemed to get as hard as i used to, and that i need a longer time to orgasm (if i do indeed cum), i decided to read it up...

when i clicked on one of the links, i was put through some simple questions to determine my category and hey! no surprise! i am considered a "middle-aged man"! doh! anyway, the interesting thing i noted was that there is actually a questionnaire created for people to take as part of the process to determine the severity of their ed. there was the full version (which comprised 15 questions and that i tried but i cannot find the link to interpret the test results), and the shorter version that comprised only 5 questions. and interesting, as i navigate and answer the questions, i realized i had difficulty answering some of them. in a way, i had tensions with the functional approach to how  the questions were crafted. firstly, the questions crafted suggest that sex must be about penetration. it does not cater to men who choose to abstain from sex/ masturbate as a "norm". secondly, the questions all assumed that the men is always the top/ or plays the penetrative role, and that sex that occurs between 2 individuals have to be penetrative in nature. such narrowly scoped question certainly do not cover the breadth of a person's behaviour/ preference when it comes to sex. and lastly, it assumes that there is a certain frequency of penetrative sex that must occur for one's organ to be considered to be healthily functional.

and my goodness, whoever designed the questions should know never to include qualifiers/ conditions as part of the questions... "if this... if that..." hmmm... not an easy task answering the questions... if stress is a factor of ed, then answering the questionnaire itself would make a person soft straight away! i tried all sorts of different answers and the results i got were - that i am having anything from severe to moderate to mild ed! ok, ok, before i digress and make this post into an academic discussion on how to craft good questionnaire questions, let me get back to talk about ed. bottom line, a questionnaire is nothing but one of the many tools used to help diagnose ed, one needs to see it in the full perspective of other means including the need to see and discuss the issue with a professional/ doctor.

well, perhaps the assuring thing that i came to realize was that all middle-aged person will at some point experience a decreased in his libido, and the degree of hardness in his erections. but having said that, all middle-aged person should and can continue to enjoy sex well into old age. there are also things that one should make a conscious efforts to do and that include (1) to stay off alcohol, (2) to not smoke, (3) to exercise regularly, eat right and to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and finally, (4) to manage one's stress. and reflecting, i can only conclude that what is affecting me is point number 4. 

and so, what i conclude here that the days where i can get so hard i felt it could burst again and again and again... is over. or more accurately, those days were over a long time back!

haha...

picture from http://www.vuotquaroiloancuong.com/

mrt on fire!

now i finally know the reason behind the mrt track fire yesterday! just take a look at the picture! darned! with this kinda public protrusion, anyone would be on fire! and hey! what have i been missing all these years! time to change to pubic, oops i mean, public transport...

well, i got this picture from a friend and i forwarded it to some friends, all guys and a girl. of cos, all the guys, yes, every single one asked about and commented on his family jewel. and the girl? her reply was "i wonder what he was reading" haha! talk about how men's brain are wired differently from women's brain. then again, gay men are supposed to be no different from woman when it comes to such things. right? 

but ya... looking at the picture, that guy must be gay. his dressing and colours were just too co-ordinated! and oooo, look at those arms! 

*like*

(picture cropped to minimize the guy's face...)

happy v day

tomorrow is valentines day. 

hmmm... it seemed like a non-event for many this year, especially when everyone is still in the thick of the lny celebrations. or wait! could it be that for me, becos i don't really celebrate it, that is why i feel it is a non-event? whatever... anyway, for me and bee, admittedly, we celebrated it during our early years by going to restaurants for a nice dinner and drink wine. but we realized we were spending a lot of money over lousy mass-produced food and lousy cheap wines. subsequently, we did our quiet valentines meal a day or 2 before. and in recent years, valentines slowly became a non-event.

personally, i thought the idea of having a day to commemorate and celebrate love is a good one. but these days, it has been over commercialized and over-hyped. and everyone who celebrates it seemed to wanna do it to proof a point and/ or to outdo others. there must be roses, there must be a western meal (duh! why not zichar? or hokkien mee? or mee pok tar hiam cheo chueh chueh?), there must be wine, and for some, this is the day give his/ her first strawberry/ cherry experience to that someone. then again, there aren't many virgins left these days. hah! i mean, wtf right? haha... herd mentality at play. sighs. after all, if the heart is at the right place, everyday can be that romantic valentines day that we share with that special someone, right?

and talking about valentines meal, i met bee for lunch today. and since keeping my hair recently, it is now a little messy long and i decided to gel it and finger comb it backwards. and during lunch, bee commented "hmmm, you are balding..." haha! ok, i have digressed. let's get back to valentines. perhaps it is a good thing stretch the concept of love, since we are at it! let's wish everyone around us love, our parents, our family, our partner(s), our lover(s), our friends, just about anyone...  

happy valentines everyone!

picture from www. gaypolitics. com