me as a tortoise

trouble with job, cleared of name, quit job, find job, committed his life savings, all within one week. despite all the advise i gave. seemed like it was either not heeded or too late. struck me as impulsive. but well, not for me to say i guess. felt like i was nothing, not part of a whole. no use giving all the advise. not even worth being consulted. and nothing beat being made to feel you have been lied to again. regardless of the fact that i was only supposed to be told of the decision once things are settled. no. not my way, it's such a huge decision. i should be part of the process. keeping me out of the process would mean i was not worth the trust. and to find out the details from other people by accident was fucking depressing. the feelings i felt 3 years ago just flood back. it was superbly intense. feelings of depression. after all the trust placed and the concerns.

might as well... somehow, i hate the feeling that in the end, it is back to myself. the closest person do not seem to understand. it's things like this that make me built walls. walls around myself. for self-protection. just want to revert to my tortoise-self again. to retreat into my shell. no mood to engage or to talk to anyone. not for a while.

interesting day

was an interesting day by all accounts...

• interviewed by my boss for my annual appraisal. could see he was rather impressed by me and my work. also shared with him many left hand columns abt work, people at work (especially retired old emperor).

• had my first chat online with ming, a friend i got to know during my weekend tans and had found out he was an ex-navy officer. we have been able to click pretty well. lots of interesting stuff he shared with me about him and his relationships.

• first time i got a msg from thomas. he was also someone i met during my weekend tans but had seldom spoken. some kinda invisible distance. anyway, he had stayed away from tanning over the past few weeks as he was afraid of policemen. he had text me to see if things are ok and that the police do not harrass people.

• in the car, chatting with bee bee and failed to see a kerb. drove up the curb. ended up tyres out of alignment (i think). need to get it corrected.

• driving home after dropping bee bee home. nearing expo, my car began to feel super tight and wobbly. found a flat tyre and had to do a tyre change at the bus-stop. somemore in front of strangers... weird. but i passed with flying colours :-)

• and my neighbours again stayed extra long at his kitchen while talking on his handphone. anyway, i sensed he wanted to catch my attention. waved at him and i looked up. he did the same.

:-)

finally

finally, with our neighbours, it was a smile, a nod and a half wave yesterday. and today, again, it was a smile and a nod. well, at least that was a start. and bee bee has been rather amused by my reactions to this whole episode...

:-)

tortoise

last week, i caught a chick, a fish & a shrimp. this week, i caught a tortoise. if i were to go on at this pace, my house will become a zoo in no time...









and sapphie, as usual, is going crazy with this new friend!

:-)

blardee old man

i so hate that blarrrdiiieee old retired emperor at work. retired and still tries to pull his rank. always likes to pick on me and talk down on me. it's so frustrating. just the look at his face when he talks to me makes me boil.

get more convinced i should leave my organisation becos of people like him.

crazy weather!

was it just me or is the weather really going cranky? these fews days/ nights had been really terrible. humid & hot... almost unbearable.

and it was just bright and sunny moments ago and suddenly it's pouring like crazy now!

month record...

making this post just for the sake of breaking my record posting in a month!

35!

new record. but think i very sad lor... deriving such cheap thrills... but well, look it the bright side, i learn to appreciate li'l things in life.

shit... it's getting late. better sleep. gotta wake up early afterwards!

:-)

yog

should i or should i not join the yog? perhaps i should give it a try. once a lifetime experience.

keep my options open...

neighbours again!

it's been almost half a year since our gay neighbours moved in. and so very very often, we would meet in our kitchens. they in theirs and we in ours. and so so very often, we would look at one another. and bee bee and i would stare at them and they at us. but somehow, no one would make the first move to say hello, wave a hi, or even nod to acknowledge each other's presence.

such tensions! almost unbearable sometimes :-)

one day, just one day, i am sure someone will make the first move. and we can become friends!

:-)

dead chick

bird bird just died... 2330hrs (est). stepped into my room after bringing sapphie for her night pee and saw little chick lying upside down. dead. well, nothing new for me actually, considering i've seen several birds dying before my very eyes over the last few years. but for this one, it was a bit sad, just a li'l chick.

well, at least i've tried.

sapphie & the chick

brought a chick home earlier. sapphie was really excited about the whole thing and couldn't stop prancing around the chick. on my part, i was really afraid she would kill it considering her very poor records (not once, but twice!) with mynahs...

anyway, this time round, i was rather surprised that she did not attempt to bite it. instead, she curiously sniffed the chick, ran around it and then spent the next many many moments sitting by the pail (which i had placed the chick), stared at it and whine non-stop...

it was so funny!

:-)

a chick, a fish & a shrimp

went to the beach to tan earlier today. my usual weekend routine.

and as i walked along the drain, i chanced upon a fish - about 20cm long, the fish would probably die when the water dry up... how it got there i wasn't totally sure. but i told myself i would return to save it after my tan. as i walked along, i saw something in the water. it looked like as tho part of it's head was above the water and the rest of the body submerged. on closer look, i realized it was a mynah chick. it looked as tho it's dead... poked it and it chirped as tho it's life depended on it. and at that instance, a few mynahs were fluttering over me... chirping away. it was then that i realized the chick had fallen off it's nest and those above me were probably it's parents. quickly, i built a simple nest by the side of the drain, picked up the chick and placed it there. hopefully, when i return after my tan, it would have dried up, the parents would have tended to it, and that it would be in better shape.

then i proceeded for my tan.

on my way back about an hour later, i spotted a shrimp in the drain. interesting looking shrimp - green head and no more than 3cm long. it was trying to swim upstream. but it didn't know that if it continued so, it would reach a dead dry end... decided to save it. caught it with my hands and dropped it into my water bottle. went back to where i had left the chick earlier and found it still in the nest. this time round, it's feathers had indeed dried up. but its' parents were no where to be found. and it dismayed me to note that ants have started to attack the chick. decided that i should bring it home to nurse it. wrapped it in my small towel and i continued my journey. soon enough i came to the spot where the 20cm fish was (it can't go anywhere considering there was only one single drain). managed to cajole it into a plastic bag. bagged it and off i went. a chick, a fish and a shrimp in my hands.

when i reached the canal, i released both the fish and the shrimp. it was a really good feeling to see them swim off. as for the chick, it looked dehydrated and like as though it would die any moment. its breathing was shallow, its eyes closed and it lied on its side. it seemed to get weaker by the minute. rushed home, fed it with some water using a syringe and some liquid bird food that bee bee bought.

for now it looks ok. let's hope it survives...

a new day

3rd anniversary

today

marks
the end of my
year
with
my bee bee!

1.30am

when i came home at about 11pm, dad was in a half asleep half awake state in the reclining chair and the tv was on. soon enough, he switched it off, only to on it again a while later. this went on a couple of times before he went into a deep slumber eventually.

i was uncomfortable. i sensed that something would happen, something to the effect of him having a fall again. i couldn't retire to bed. something would happen. so i started fiddling with house chores... mopped the floor, washed the clothes, dry the clothes and so on... it was about 1.20am when i noticed dad had started to lean 45 degrees to the side. if he had leaned a bit more, i am sure the chair would give way. so i tried to wake him up to ask him to go to his bedroom. that was when i noticed he was perspiring profusely, his lips had turned black and that there was some frothy saliva around his mouth. initial states of hypoglycaemia... hurriedly, i ran to the kitchen to make a cup of milo.

the moment i walk into the kitchen and lost sight of him, i heard a loud crash! he had tried to stand up and in his half asleep state, had pushed the reclining chair sideways and it collapse. dad had another fall. really, i was caught between the devil and the deep blue sea! complete making my milo or to drag him up... decided that i should proceed with the milo after seeing him flat on the floor and looking like he has continued sleeping. and i shouted for bee to help.

quickly, i took the milo to him and started feeding him, bit by bit. gradually his perspiration stopped. good sign. blood sugar climbing up. he seemed to have stabilized. tried again to wake him up but it was no use. he continued sleeping.

by now, mum has woken up. this was where i learned the bad news. dad had gone for a check today at the hospital and was told that he has a tumor in his head. and gradually, he will loose his memory and eventually he would fail to recognize all of us. also, been told that his kidneys are failing. he must go on a strict vegetarian diet or his kidney will fail soon.

had to accept it. no choice... my mum looked worried but also acknowledged that there isn't much that we can do now. we tried to wake him up but again, he continued sleeping. so in the end we decided to let him continue sleeping on the living room floor. and hopefully when he wakes up tomorrow, things would be ok.

middle of the nites

have been getting up at 2-3am every night since last week... for no reasons... and i find it very difficult to fall back to sleep again after that...

dinner with watch james

had a very nice dinner with bee and watch james (gave him this nickname cos i simply have too many james friends...)! and i must really say that raffles city should have been named as rainbow city in the first place! there were so so so many people like me! but of cos, much much much cuter! well... ahem, no complains! such a wholesome dinner, food for the stomach and food for the eyes too! totally no complains...

and during the post-dinner walk about, james commented about how he could see the folds even through my layers of jacket and stuff! hmmmm... think i must really really really cut down on my food lo!

so sad... :-(

lung ok ent

well, the check up was over within several minutes... apparently the consultant said there was really nothing to worry about but upon checking my throat, he said it would be a wise thing to get the throat and nose specialist to check further as one of my tonsil is a bit enlarged and that it may suggest something more serious in either my throat or my nose...

so, out of one appointment and into another... next date for the e.n.t. specialist - 08 may 08!

never ending wor!

lung check

later today, i will be going for my medical check up... follow-up from my last visit to my mo about my coughing problem.

male-bonding

just had a most interesting evening with 2 of my nie coursemates at mount faber. pure male-bonding. well, they did not know i am gay. you see, i had helped these two coursemates during the recent semester and they decided to buy me dinner and drinks. and interestingly enough, i could not put a face to the name that i had been helping and corresponding via sms over the past couple of weeks. it was by pure accident that he got my number from another one of his classmate and that was how we started our sms correspondence.

and today, i found out that i had taken a module together with him last year.

the evening got on rather interestingly for our conversation centered on getting to know each, gossips and chit chats... and of course lots of bitchings... about people in the course, about lecturers, etc... nothing of the super macho shit `i man come here to see cheo bu' kinda thing at all.

been a long while since i experience such male-bonding

:-)

tsunami

made a comment in stan's blog when he wrote abt remembering someone he had lost and my comment went something like that 3 days back:

stan, took me 3 years before finally deleting everything - email, msn, blog, etc. but i eventually did. out of sight helps to make it out of mind. altho i must say that's not the real solution. the real solution is to move on totally and break the few heart-strings that still refuses to break. but deleting helps. a lot.

for me, impossible to erase things after 7 yrs. and all the things still in my hse. well... still, deleting them off makes me less irrational (like loggin in and off msn like u... :), like cyber stalking, like...).

move on. and the clearest sign that you've move on will be when u can think back, smile and/or laugh about it, and imagine how you could possibly be so (pse fill in yourself) to behave like what you did :)

j

today, while driving to work, the radio dj was cajoling listeners to sms in titles of songs that made them cry... and naturally as per all faithful listeners, the text messages came in... soon enough someone text in pearl jam's `last kiss'... and when the song played, tears started to swell in my eyes. memories came back. for that moment, in my car, i was transported back in time. despite the busy morning traffic, it felt like i was in the early 2000s again. and james was beside me. and familiar clips started ringing in my head... i started to hear songs by tlc (scrub), macy gray (i try), whitney houston (my love is your love), and so on...

stan had described his experience as that of being hit by a tsunami... i think it is perhaps easier to call it an incurable addiction. it never leaves your body. it stays and remain dormant and once a while, it creates internal chaos within you... anyway, soon enough, i snapped myself out of it and got myself composed. re-focused back onto the road, wiped off my tears and continued my journey. i am still wondering if i could ever be normal friends with james again.

...

car shopping 2

it's actually quite fun looking around for a car. went to take a look at suzuki swift (both the classic and the sports version). and then to the nissan showroom to take a look at the latio. very nice! but well, after the calculation and the estimation of the monies i have to move about, i have decided that i should kiv this until i have settled my house and other bigger finances in my life. cars - luxury not necessity. lower priority, for now.

:-)

car shopping

think i'll look for a new car :-)

housing loans

now that i have finished my masters, i told myself i will devote my time in the next couple of days/ weeks to focus back to getting my life in order.

so yesterday, i decided to start by taking a re-look at my housing loans. accordingly, i have taken up a package 2-3 years back with this particular bank. and as per stated in the package, the rate will vary year to year and that i will be kept posted on the changes by the end of each loan year or as and when the market interest rate fluctuates. and over the last year or so, i have, on almost a bi-monthly or quarterly basis, been receiving letters telling me the rate will go up by xxx%. given no choice but to acknowledge it as part of life, i went along... two weeks back, i received another mail from the bank telling me that by next month, the rate will again go up from my current 4.85%. that got me a bit curious... why did the rate go up despite the recent loom in the market? also, this latest upward revision also mean that i will have to fork out close to 3k per month for housing loan! short of selling my house when i change job, i decide to do a check on the current market rates and to see what will my loan look like if i do a refinancing.

visited one of the branch to inquire and perhaps sensing that they could possibility loose a customer very soon, the bank officer suggested that i should reprice (ie, stay with the bank and they'll re-offer a new package). i was immediately given a number to call which i did and left my contact details. before long, a lady called me and told me that she could easily give me a revised package pegged at 2.7% (fixed for 2 years) or 2.95% variable. this easily translates to a reduction of close to $800 per month for me!

of cos i was happy, but on the other hand, i thought - if i had not called and ask, the bank would just gone ahead and increase the interest rate to 3.75% from next month... all these despite the recent fall in interest rates.

so i asked - where is the ethics in this whole issue?

5.55am

i was awoken by a loud `thud' that was immediately followed by a weak aaiiiyyyoooooohhhh this morning. i knew straight away that my dad has had a fall again. rushed out of my room, and there he was, lying face down on the living room floor... sat him up, stabilized him and left him to recover.

kinda worried about it... been a bit too often these days.

light-feeling

i feel so light and relieved now after submitting my essays and having completed my masters. and yesterday, after such a super long time, i left my laptop back at work. no requirement to bring it home cos there was no more homework to do!

and that means that i am now able to focus on getting my life in place, the big parts - the housing loans, writing my resume, look for job, perhaps look for a new car, etc...

quite excited about it!

completed!

finally submitted my last assignment earlier! considered to have completed my masters programme! looking forward to my graduation soon!

:-)

one down!!!

completed my presentation and i think i managed to impress my lecturer. told me he is interested in submitting my paper for journal publication! some minor touch up for the paper and considered one down! one final one to go!

peeing on houseflies

thinking aloud - why do people actually make the effort to aim at the (picture of a) housefly in the middle of the urinal? such a simple and effective solution to keeping the floor dry ya?

:-)

gay men @ the pool

was at the pool this afternoon and there were 5 persons (including myself) in the changing room. interestingly, all 5 of us exhibited different behaviours. and i would suggest that these 5 behaviours could possibly be used to frame the different categories of how a gay man would behave :-)

#1 - the exhibitionist
this guy would show his assets to people around without a single hint of shyness. for that matter, this afternoon, this particular guy was daring enough to show his hard-on!

#2 - the desperado
this guy would frequently walk into the shower and pretend to shower. but in reality, he would be using the opportunities in the shower cubicle to stare at others showering (of cos the object of his observation would not be the showering itself but rather at people's family jewels).

#3 - the curious
this guy would sit on the bench outside the shower to observe the comings (pun intended) and the goings in the toilet. he could either be in nothing except a towel or fully clothed.

#4 - the natural
this guy would be as natural as he could. he would go into the toilet, shower, dry up, put on his clothes and leave. but through the whole process, he would occasionally steal glances at people.

#5 - the shy
this guy would chose the far end cubicle to shower, run out to grab his underwear, run back to the cubicle and dry himself. he would put on his underwear again before walking out, put on his clothes and leave. also, he would occasionally steal glances at people through the whole process.

pissed off...

not sure why, but of late (increasingly so over the last 3 years actually), i get more and more pissed off by people of authority and most local politicians. no doubt that they do talk sense most of the time, still, somehow, i just get pissed off...

for that matter, the person's voice itself would be enough to piss me off...

counting down

tomorrow i'll be doing my presentation for one of my modules and that should conclude that particular module. 45 slides. supposed to complete within 15min. kinda tight, but well, think i should be able to talk fast enough to squeeze all into the time allocated.

once done, i will then be able to focus on the final assignment for the other module. it's been 12days since the final assignment was given to me. four more days to go before the deadline and i have yet to actually write it! :-) this is what i would refer to as super duper procrastination... think it's a case of misplaced priority or simply, my brain was just too exhausted!

:-)

2.15am

it was 2.15am this morning when i heard a soft and weak groan (aiiiii-yaaaaaahhhhhh) coming from outside my bedroom. instinctively, i knew it was my dad again. rushed out of bed, open the door and true enough, i saw him naked and sprawled on the floor again, his body half in the toilet, half on the walkway. he was drenched as he had been bathing before this happened. and this time round, he was in a rather odd position of half-prone, half lying on his side and his face was on the floor. rather than move him, i quickly rushed to the kitchen to prepare a cup of milo for him. warm concentrated milo always work for him when he goes into a state of hypoglycaemia (low blood sugar).

shouted for bee bee to help. when i returned, i realized that he wasn't groaning (which was typical sign of hypoglycaemia) and that made me worried. in fact, he look more dead that alive. quickly, i had to make sure he was alive. i slapped his thighs. luckily, he responded, weakly. i then dragged him out of the toilet, put on his spectacles for him and tried my best to hoist him onto the chair. failed. he was simply too heavy. tried a second time. again, barely made it. almost twisted my back. by this time, my mum had woken up. she was not to happy that he had gotten up at such a ghostly hour to bath again and grumbled. anyway, i managed to finally drag him to his bed. he fell asleep almost immediately, but before he asked my mum to make him a cup of hot coffee.

it was close to 3am when we finally went back to bed. but i couldn't sleep as all sorts of scenario went through my head. what if he were to die in his sleep, what if he were to fall off his bed. with his condition, could my mum possibly cope if it were to happen when i was at work, should i send him to the old folks home, should i send him to the hospital... all sorts of questions. i have no answers. and it was a long time before i finally slept.

went to work this morning. terribly sleepy. exhausted. and it was a superbly long work day. in the evening, i called my mum and according to her, my dad had no recollection whatsoever of the fall, the dragging him to bed...

sighs...

the dot and the line

got this from a friend. such a simple but interesting story. so many ways to interpret the story too... just read between the lines. straight vs dot vs squiggle... but one thing is for sure - the dot is such a whore!

background
the dot and the line: a romance in lower mathematics is a book written and illustrated by norton juster, first published by random house in 1963. in 1965, famed animator chuck jones and the mgm animation/ visual arts studio adapted the story into a 10-minute animated short film for metro-goldwyn- mayer. the dot and the line won the 1965 academy award for animated short film. read more about it here in wikipedia.

the story
this is the anguished tale of a sensible straight line who falls in love with a dot. the dot, however, finding the line stiff, dull, and conventional, turns her affections toward a wild and unkempt squiggle. though dejected, the line was not without determination, and, after much concentration, managed to bend himself, giving rise to shapes so complex he had to letter his sides and angles to keep his place. before long he was able to express himself in any shape he wished, from helices to spider webs to paul klee's little jester. overwhelmed by the line's geometric contortionistic prowess, the dot realized that what she had seen in the squiggle to be freedom and joy was nothing more than chaos and sloth.

the animation

enjoy!

visiting t3

bee and i was at t3 last evening after our short walk about in raffles city. and we were amazed by the number of people there! it seemed like these people were there for all sort of reasons other than sending / receiving people (for fun, for leisure, for shopping - even grocery shopping, for drinks, for dinner,... and so on...) - same reasons as to why bee and i were there!

on one hand, the popularity reflects how well-designed the airport is in terms of being able to support the variety of activities for the public. but on the other hand, it simply reflects how sad a situation singapore can be in terms of having places for such simple leisures...

guess we are just too small...

final week... at last!

this is the final week of my 2 masters modules.

for the critical inquiry module, have totally revamped my final mini-dissertation and have finally completed it. the submission due date has been extended to the following monday. but decided that i shall not look at it till thur or fri. will now focus on preparing my presentation of my research and my findings. presentation date - wednesday.

for the other module, have not started on my final assignment as i had focused on the critical inquiry writing. think i better start writing or i'll not be able to complete it in time. expected to write some 15-20 pages for this final assignment. due date - extended from this thur to this coming sunday.

one more week! hurray!

dad again

last afternoon, i got a call from a doctor from changi hospital. she sounded aggressive and came acrossed as scolding me! i was rather taken aback by the way she questioned me. you see, my dad had gone for a check up and had told her that he had been robbed of $400, that he had trouble sleeping at night, that he talks in his sleep, that he is suffering from depression, la la la... and she was rather confused by him as he was a little incoherent in what he said. so she called me. some of the questions she asked were - what is happening?! your dad is in front of me and i am not sure what is wrong with him! how come your dad is like that?! how come you did not know of him being robbed...?!...

you get the idea... for a short moment, i had to breath in and count to 10,...

well, had to explain to her about his sleep behaviour, his medical history - that he is diabetic and is prone to hypoglycaemia, that he had fallen sick recently, and experienced a couple of falls too... her tone slowly softened. she explained that she had conducted a memory test on him and he has failed the test quite badly. and listening to me, she suspects he could possibly be suffering from brain damage as a result of low-blood sugar to his brain; or that the brain could have shifted due to his falls thereby affecting his normal brain functions; or even possibly the start of dementia given that the signs were consistent with people suffering from mild dementia... whatever it could be, it did not sound like depression but to confirm the cause, she recommend that we do a brain scan and blood test for him. and until the results are out, she would just ask him to return home and that she would not prescribe any medication to him. it was lucky she told me of this cos i quickly advised her that apart from going ahead with the test, she must give some medication to my dad cos he would get very very upset if he leaves the hospital without any medication. guessed she sensed my seriousness and quickly agreed to do it...

well, next thing i knew, i got a call from my dad on my handphone. other than asking me what i told the doctor, he also shared that he told the doctor how much he loves me and how well i had taken care of him. perhaps he was worried that i might get upset given the tone of the doctor when she spoke to me. when i return home, i was told by my mum that the scans and checks cost them over $400 and that they had to owe the hospital the money until the next time they return... hmmm... really... don't know what to say or do. guess these are things that i have to manage. i think things would likely get worst but it'll surely come, just as it'll go eventually. just hope it'll not be long drawn. and hopefully, my mum would not be too affected during this period too.

nut sucker

i am such a sucker for cashew nuts... hmmm, for that matter, any seeds or nuts (no, no.. not tat kind of seeds and nuts!)... could never control myself when tempted with them. last evening, i was at parkway and while walking around in giant (ya... i know - boring), i came by the nuts counter. such paradise!!! so much seeds and nuts! cashew nuts of different flavours, peanuts, almonds, sunflower seeds, flax seeds, pumpkin seeds, la la la...

ended up buying garlic cashew nuts (thought it would taste good especially when i really like china garlic peanuts) and the honey glazed cashew nuts (more because i thought it looked good, nice and glazy). such a visual whore that i was last evening. ended up buying $4 for each flavour. and to top it up to $10, i bought $2 of sunflower seeds (yup, i admit - it was an excuse)... felt so much like a parrot! and i been munching on the cashew nuts since last evening... turned out the garlic flavour was such a disappointment. not as yummy as i had perceived it to be. rather, the honey glazed ones were very much nice :-)

balloons & florida

on my way to rochor earlier, i passed by the dhl balloon - the one that was tied to a cable and machine raised once it was loaded with sightseers. there was nothing new and nothing special about it. but, for that moment, there was this sudden back-flooding of senses that was rather overwhelming - the familiar fresh air, the autumn coolness, the cloudless blue sky, the scent of the temperate forest, and the excitement of seeing hot air balloons flying over me.

that was in 2004 when i was posted for 6-months to florida. edmund had visited me in mid-sep 04 and i had driven from my home in tampa to tallahassee to meet him. it was a fun-filled couple of days where edmund bunked in and where we visited places like disney, key west and factory outlets and drove through the length of the eastern coast of florida through orlando, daytona beach, cape canavera (the space center), miami beach, south beach, fort lauderdale, all the way to the tip of key west and then back to tampa again via the west coast.

such sweet memories :-)

and then i look at the dhl balloon again and thought to myself - damned bloody lame...

heh heh...

mighty isis

another one of my childhood favourite - isis (wife of osiris and mother of horus). used to imagine myself flying up the sky after chanting the lines "oh, mighty winds flying high, come lift me up so i can fly"... not much different from twisting round and round, hoping to transform into wonder woman.

thinking back, it was so funny... heh!

about animals and exhibits...

something to think about on this fool's day...

at zoo, who's the exhibit?

you or the animals?

can i...?

very frequently i hear/ read people asking - can i do this? or... or i do that? or... can he do this? or... can he do that? just yesterday, i saw stomp posting asking if a cisco police can take a photo of himself holding his service pistol and posting it in friendster...

such a phenomena reflects the high level of consciousness of the concept of ob markers amongst singaporeans (myself included, but much less in recent years). and looking from the line or argument and questioning, i would suggest that many of these questions originate from the fear of punishment and the desire to conform, rather than from the desire to understand the rationale and logic (even if it may end up with conforming).

while one may argue that this is really great as it points to a high level of community consciousness, nation above self, la la la... i personally opine that such a situation is indeed very very sad... very sad for it reflects that many singaporeans lack of a mind of their own, that many singaporeans are blind followers, or simply - that many singaporeans are just plain stupid.

and i see no end to this, for i argue that the system we exist in promotes this sense of conformity. the education system, the political system, and so on. and this in itself is a reinforcing loop whereby people elect the people that runs the system, once elected into power, these system reinforces the system that makes people convinced of their stupidity, of the importance of conforming blindly, and the people, convinced that the people they elect is smart, continue to re-elect the people to run the system... never ending.

stupid right?

habits

when you have been with someone long enough, you will invariably adopt some of his habits, even your choice of drinks. for me, starbucks used to be just latte. but over the past couple of years, it's been decaf latte with low fat milk, and not to forget, no foam. still is.

changi airport t2

changi international airport terminal 2 (t2) is a very quiet and peaceful place now... so very different the time when t3 had not open. and i am now sitting on one of the rows of plastic chairs and doing my assignments. and of cos, i am taking short breaks to blog and to do online discussion in my module discussion board.

the reason why i am sitting on the plastic chair is cos all the power sockets at starbucks had been taken up by people doing their work :( also, noted that the odd family that has been `living' in starbucks for the past few months is still here. they were seen napping away when i walked pass them earlier. really, i wonder how long more they are gonna stay here. heard that the wife is a bit screwed up there (well, in malay slang we call it `otak-tak-center')... anyway, none of my business. i just cannot comprehend how the family can put up at the airport for so long and how the staffs in starbucks have been so nice as to let them take up the seats...

well... ok, back to my work...

bonus?

when you receive a bonus, and you have to keep it to pay your income tax, can it still be called a bonus?

wonder twins powers activate

my posting about wonder woman also brought back lots of other memories about the super characters i enjoy when i was much much much (ya, you get the idea) younger. well, there was wonder twins (and the rest of superfriends), the incredible hulk, captain america, captain caveman (ok, not a superhero, but a captain nonetheless...), aquaman, man from atlantis, giant robot, hawkman and hawkgirl, thor, atom ant, astro boy, marine boy, etc...

hmmmm... such nice memories...

:-)

of dan & wonder woman

bee and i finally got to meet dan in person last evening. by chance, not planned for. but it was really pleasant. looks really good with kl :-) they've been together - 9 years? hmmm... that would be the same time i'd be with james if i had not splitted up with him 2 years back. well...

anyway, it was really nice to be able to find someone who shares the same interest as me - wonder woman! my all time favourite! and for that matter, no one can replace lynder carter for wonder woman role... really, sometime, i do wonder if i am crazy about the cartoon character or lynder carter. to me, lynder carter and wonder woman are synonymous! :-)

tanning

nice sun... think i'll go for my weekly tan again! let's kiv my homework for now...

:-)

fucking taxi driver again!

was driving home from work two days back coming down benjamin sheares bridge. the road was not too busy and there was easily 30-50m space between cars. average speed of cars was 70-80kmph. was in the inner most lane (lane 4) that was about to filter to kpe and i had to switch to my right lane as i had wanted to head straight.

signaled right, check blind spots, check rear mirror, noted the vehicle (a taxi) in the right lane was at least 30m behind, checked my blind spot again and filtered (to lane 3). to me, it was nothing short of perfect. the type of filtering where even the most bitchy assessor couldn't fail you if you were taking the driving test.

but well well well... next time i know, our taxi driver started to flash his high beam, up and down, up and down, repeatedly for a good few seconds! i checked again and it was clear that he had sped up but was still easily 20m behind me! only conclusion was that this fucker was a clear cut road bully!

bloody hell! on the spot, after taking a quick risk assessment, decided to do a emergency brake! taxi driver closed in to about 1 car distance behind me but did not dare to come closer. he then slowed down and drove at about 30-40kmph (in the center lane of the highway!) and did not dare overtake me, despite me changing back to the innermost lane!

fucker, wanna be a road bully, yet balls dropped once he sees a hostile response. bloody no guts! once again, this incident reminded me how much i can't stand taxi drivers!

ps: i had installed the probation plate on my windscreen and rear in case my niece needs to use my car... and i seriously think many drivers - especially taxi drivers tend to want to bully me when they see this probational plate.

refurbishment

the estate next to mine is currently undergoing the 10-year refurbishment. and it irks me to hear all the drilling and knocking - even on a saturday morning.

is there any way to stop them? should i make a police report?

so irritating.