day 3 - colleagues, friends & more friends...

by day 3, the requirement to set up the place in the mornings and evenings had become routine. 

people continued to stream to the wake from before lunch and lasted till 11-plus pm. and i was kept busy most of the time as most of the guests were my friends and colleagues. james (my ex) dropped by mid-day and together with sapphie, and my nephew we took a short walk around the area towards the temple located next to the funeral parlour. it was the first time i actually spoke with him at length since we parted some 11 years ago. the conversation was cordial and warm. we spoke about his parents, his family, his sister, his nieces, etc and i asked about his partner (of 8 years). i was glad things were well between them. they now co-own and live in a place located in town. it was a short (half hour?) walk, but it was a long overdue one.

i was rather touched by the fact that a friend from shanghai asked his brother (who's living in singapore) to pay a visit to the wake and to pass me some donations (pek kim). it was really thoughtful of him. similarly, i was a little surprised when the parents of my best friend (bs, who's now residing in the states) dropped by. as there were too many people, i couldn't spend enough time talking to each of the visitor and had to move from table to table. frankly, i felt a little bad about it. but i was sure everyone understood.

well, talking about people visiting the wake, i do want to add here that we did not inform any of our relatives about mum's passing. i decided not to tell anyone about it in the interest of family harmony. i was acutely aware of the less-than-positive dynamics between different members of my family and the larger extended family (eg that my brother was not happy with many of my relatives) and i didn't want to create any opportunity for anyone to get angry or to make a din during the wake. it would be disastrous to have strained family ties after the wake/ funeral. and this, i felt, was in line with what mum wanted as she maintained that family harmony must come first. it was precisely because of this that i refused to give in to my second sis's request to inform one particular cousin. i was unhappy that she brought this up, knowing jolly well of the family dynamics, but i held my position. she was pretty unhappy with me for that and argued that this particular cousin had frequently visited mum and we should think about him. while i understood where she was coming from, i placed family harmony on a higher priority. i maintained my stand. you can have your say, but i will make the final decision. and my decision is based on mum's wishes. i have spend enough time with mum to know her wishes and i will decide. if there are any consequences, i'll answer for it. period. 

the third day ended close to midnight for me... i was exhausted by the end of the day. my brother and his family decided to stay overnight at the funeral parlour for that night (and the next). similarly, my maid chose to stay over too given that she couldn't sleep at home as she would be reminded of mum throughout the night.

and so, that night was the first night in many years where i was alone at home.

it felt weird. but i reminded myself that i have to get use to it.