botak

every year nearing vesak, i would cut my hair short. well, not the usual short, i mean, short, short... near bald-short. and i cut my hair short becos it's a personal commitment. it is symbolic and a way to show my commitment to renounce worldly desires... and every time after cutting my hair, i would think i look really weird. and i get conscious of my own looks when i face people. i would imagine people staring at me. it was an awkward feeling. and my thoughts would be reinforced and made worst when friends and colleagues actually come up to me and ask `what happened?'. not very nice.

so every year when vesak day draws close, i would look at my hair and wonder if should cut it. and just like a drill, i would reflect on it and tell myself that the fact that i am asking abt it shows the vanity in me and this in itself is against the buddhist principle of non-attachment. and when i think it this way, i get even more resolved to want to cut my hair. and as for being able to fully renounce worldly desires, hmmmm.... a long, very very long way for me to be able to truly achieve it. but, it's a start.

and yes, the devil and angel in me is again debating about about cutting my hair again these few days.

:-)