peter wrote me a mail and we chatted last nite. he asked if i am obsessed about james and whether my relationship and the eventual parting with him will continue to haunt me... well, i really don't think so. what i have written was perhaps a reflection of what went thru my mind at a particular point in time. my reflections is a way of helping me put things in perspective. it helps me move on.
it is interesting how many of the cliches appeared and reiterated itself in this episode between james and i. cliches such as `if you love someone, let him go', `time heals', `treasure your past, learn from the mistakes', `don't try too hard to forget the past, it will haunt you, accept it, treasure it, learn from it and move on', `it is not important how much you do, but how you have made the person feel that is important'... it all come so naturally when one reflects over the relationship in a composed and objective mind
for me, of cos i am angry, of cos these emotions will continue to appear whenever i see new things happening, of cos there will be a tendency to compare... these are just natural. but what is important is that we reflect on it and see things in perspective. i have to do that. only by doing so will i continue to grow and move on.
james was, is and will continue to be a very important part of me and my life. i have spent 10% of my whole life dedicated to him. whatever faults he may have, whatever hurt i might have caused him, whatever hurt he might have made me go thru will all be put in perspective over time. as we grow and reflect, we will slowly begin to understand why we acted the way we did and perhaps even acknowledge that we had been too hotheaded, too self-centered, etc
i have.
not much different from how one forgives the dead when he dies. no point holding on to the grudge. it destroys one silently.
i see this as part of growing up as a person, not just as a gay person.
it is interesting how many of the cliches appeared and reiterated itself in this episode between james and i. cliches such as `if you love someone, let him go', `time heals', `treasure your past, learn from the mistakes', `don't try too hard to forget the past, it will haunt you, accept it, treasure it, learn from it and move on', `it is not important how much you do, but how you have made the person feel that is important'... it all come so naturally when one reflects over the relationship in a composed and objective mind
for me, of cos i am angry, of cos these emotions will continue to appear whenever i see new things happening, of cos there will be a tendency to compare... these are just natural. but what is important is that we reflect on it and see things in perspective. i have to do that. only by doing so will i continue to grow and move on.
james was, is and will continue to be a very important part of me and my life. i have spent 10% of my whole life dedicated to him. whatever faults he may have, whatever hurt i might have caused him, whatever hurt he might have made me go thru will all be put in perspective over time. as we grow and reflect, we will slowly begin to understand why we acted the way we did and perhaps even acknowledge that we had been too hotheaded, too self-centered, etc
i have.
not much different from how one forgives the dead when he dies. no point holding on to the grudge. it destroys one silently.
i see this as part of growing up as a person, not just as a gay person.
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