i decided to leave sia cargo before my confirmation. i couldn't see any future in the company. not when my direct boss kept bitching and picking on everything i do. couldn't take her accusations and suspicions anymore.
went back to service for one simple reason - money. very practical. i had concluded that no matter where i go, i will have to put up with homophobia. i have concluded that what i have to address is myself (not too sure about that now though).
anyway, james & i continue into our third year.
he progressed to teach in the second year for the gifted programme. his obsession with his work continued. the toll on our relationship was clear. in part, it was also due to me not being able to communicate to him the way he would like me to, and for me, due to his consistent late and long hours at work (i really did not know if it was work or his escaping from me).
james would focused all his attention and time in his school work. where i could, i helped him count marks, add marks, vet his scripts, vet his slides, give comments on his lesson plans, etc etc etc.
being a perfectionist, james would set himself standards that no normal person would ever set. as a result, he got himself drawn further and further into his work. he would toll from 5 plus in the morning to past midnight. sometimes he would work overnight. noting that his work had begun to affect his health, i tried talking to him to manage it better and to give himself more rest. he would not. with him being so engrossed (obsessed with his work), even thru the weekends, the slow process of being neglected emotionally kicked in.
i called that obsession
he called it passion
fine line
to me, it was passion to a certain point. but i called it obsession when it took it's toll of his health, his ability to interact with me, his refusal for food, his perfectionist approach towards getting very single bit of colour, font, etc `correct' for his slides. also, being a teacher-in-charge of editorial board of the school, he took it upon himself to do the design, the editing, etc. he would get angry when i suggested letting the students take charge. he would accuse me of not being supportive. my suggestions would, over time, began to become accusations of being unsupportive to him over time.
it was a pressure he had exerted on himself cos he felt the need to perform. given that he is a govt scholar, he said that he wanted to prove himself in the education field in general and in the gifted programme teacher fraternity, more specifically. the annual pattern of a typical school teacher began to set in. only that during jun holidays, he would be engrossed with cca and dec holidays, he would be engrossed in meetings and preparation for the following year.
our holidays began to get very short and very planned/ deliberate. nothing was spontaneous anymore. our lives began to revolve around his schoolwork. our routines began to set in, i eventually became his nanny, father, mother, maid etc.
to make matters worst, he would keep to himself, mix with his group of friends, avoid my friends (for reasons that they are not his frequency). and with this refusal to widen our common space, our gap began to widen.
our third year was an uneventful one. but it was to become the pattern for our 4th 5th and 6th year. until i decided to call it off.
went back to service for one simple reason - money. very practical. i had concluded that no matter where i go, i will have to put up with homophobia. i have concluded that what i have to address is myself (not too sure about that now though).
anyway, james & i continue into our third year.
he progressed to teach in the second year for the gifted programme. his obsession with his work continued. the toll on our relationship was clear. in part, it was also due to me not being able to communicate to him the way he would like me to, and for me, due to his consistent late and long hours at work (i really did not know if it was work or his escaping from me).
james would focused all his attention and time in his school work. where i could, i helped him count marks, add marks, vet his scripts, vet his slides, give comments on his lesson plans, etc etc etc.
being a perfectionist, james would set himself standards that no normal person would ever set. as a result, he got himself drawn further and further into his work. he would toll from 5 plus in the morning to past midnight. sometimes he would work overnight. noting that his work had begun to affect his health, i tried talking to him to manage it better and to give himself more rest. he would not. with him being so engrossed (obsessed with his work), even thru the weekends, the slow process of being neglected emotionally kicked in.
i called that obsession
he called it passion
fine line
to me, it was passion to a certain point. but i called it obsession when it took it's toll of his health, his ability to interact with me, his refusal for food, his perfectionist approach towards getting very single bit of colour, font, etc `correct' for his slides. also, being a teacher-in-charge of editorial board of the school, he took it upon himself to do the design, the editing, etc. he would get angry when i suggested letting the students take charge. he would accuse me of not being supportive. my suggestions would, over time, began to become accusations of being unsupportive to him over time.
it was a pressure he had exerted on himself cos he felt the need to perform. given that he is a govt scholar, he said that he wanted to prove himself in the education field in general and in the gifted programme teacher fraternity, more specifically. the annual pattern of a typical school teacher began to set in. only that during jun holidays, he would be engrossed with cca and dec holidays, he would be engrossed in meetings and preparation for the following year.
our holidays began to get very short and very planned/ deliberate. nothing was spontaneous anymore. our lives began to revolve around his schoolwork. our routines began to set in, i eventually became his nanny, father, mother, maid etc.
to make matters worst, he would keep to himself, mix with his group of friends, avoid my friends (for reasons that they are not his frequency). and with this refusal to widen our common space, our gap began to widen.
our third year was an uneventful one. but it was to become the pattern for our 4th 5th and 6th year. until i decided to call it off.
