left the service in jan 00
was unemployed for 4 months
life was not easy, every cent counts
james had, by then, started his pgde in nie
he a stable income from his scholarship and from tuition
he helped out in our family income
thing improved somewhat when i found a job in sia cargo
but finances were still tight
my workplace politics was terrible
especially when i had a totally fucked up boss - chong hoi peng
single unmarried female
always in her mood swings
she would always pick on every little things i do
what i did rite was to her credit
what i fumbled was my own fault
it was open screwing in front of everybody
even in open forums and meetings
thru these times where i was trying to find my new balance in civilian worklife
james stayed by me
he was my strength
we began building our `family'
he wanted a dog
lester's bitch - coco - gave birth to a litter of 8 (one died)
we ended up with one of the puppies as a result
james named her sapphie - after saphos - a greek lesbian or something to that effect
perhaps it was due to my previous work experience
where i could not talk abt my work lest i risk being charged with osa
i was never at ease talking abt work or anything related to work
this created huge tensions with james
my time spent with james at theatres, dramas, shows etc
allowed me to focus on all these events instead of talking about work
throughout period, what i did was share my perspective
it didn't go well with james
i could not express things from a literary angle
it was a great source of frustrations for james
it hit a point where, on our way home from a performance along xilin ave,
feeling flabbergasted at heading nowhere in our conversation, he shouted:
"i do not think i can ever engage you in a literary discussion!"
that was one of the first signs of cracks in our relationship
it was made worst by the differences we held in life's values
reflecting, it was perhaps due to our age difference
for example, our attitude to savings
- for me, i would set aside a part of my salary for savings and spend the rest
- he argued that one should spent all he needs and save what is remaining
i just could not convince him my point of view without sounding condescending
our differences began to show in almost every aspects of lifestyle
i was the neater person between us
he was the untidy one
he could not understand why i got flustered weekly due to housework
he could not understand why i had not just spend some money to employ a maid
i had made my efforts to know his friends
but to him, he felt he could not engage my friends in a sufficiently intellectual discussion
he kept his distance - no point doing something if he did not like it
this attitude reflected our difference in the manner and approach to solving problems
it was different from the start
the imbalance in our attitudes to our lifestyle, people in our lives started to show
it eventually hit a point where it impacted our relationship
despite these differences
we convinced ourselves in our own ways that we can keep it going
we adapted to one another's person's idiosyncracies
we wanted to make it work
by this time, james had completed his nie pgde course
he was sent to a neighbourhood school to teach in the normal tech stream
that was a period of high stress for him stressful for that fact that not only was the students beyond control james also felt that it was not intellectually challenging for him
perhaps he had felt that as a scholar it would not do him any good to continue this way
he established contact with the gifted programme co-ordinator in moe and finally manoeuvre his way out of the school to another school as a gifted programme teacher
this went well with him but it took a toll on our relationship and that would eventually kill it
to our friends we were the ideal couple
i actually thought, and i think james too, thought we were
fine line between escapism/ denial and reality
we had made all efforts to keep together
we began to expose each other to our families
our coexistence became an inseparable fact to my family
for his family
i was his landlord
i remained so for the next few years
our routine of holidaying together at least once a year carried on
it was britain this time round
that capped our second year together
was unemployed for 4 months
life was not easy, every cent counts
james had, by then, started his pgde in nie
he a stable income from his scholarship and from tuition
he helped out in our family income
thing improved somewhat when i found a job in sia cargo
but finances were still tight
my workplace politics was terrible
especially when i had a totally fucked up boss - chong hoi peng
single unmarried female
always in her mood swings
she would always pick on every little things i do
what i did rite was to her credit
what i fumbled was my own fault
it was open screwing in front of everybody
even in open forums and meetings
thru these times where i was trying to find my new balance in civilian worklife
james stayed by me
he was my strength
we began building our `family'
he wanted a dog
lester's bitch - coco - gave birth to a litter of 8 (one died)
we ended up with one of the puppies as a result
james named her sapphie - after saphos - a greek lesbian or something to that effect
perhaps it was due to my previous work experience
where i could not talk abt my work lest i risk being charged with osa
i was never at ease talking abt work or anything related to work
this created huge tensions with james
my time spent with james at theatres, dramas, shows etc
allowed me to focus on all these events instead of talking about work
throughout period, what i did was share my perspective
it didn't go well with james
i could not express things from a literary angle
it was a great source of frustrations for james
it hit a point where, on our way home from a performance along xilin ave,
feeling flabbergasted at heading nowhere in our conversation, he shouted:
"i do not think i can ever engage you in a literary discussion!"
that was one of the first signs of cracks in our relationship
it was made worst by the differences we held in life's values
reflecting, it was perhaps due to our age difference
for example, our attitude to savings
- for me, i would set aside a part of my salary for savings and spend the rest
- he argued that one should spent all he needs and save what is remaining
i just could not convince him my point of view without sounding condescending
our differences began to show in almost every aspects of lifestyle
i was the neater person between us
he was the untidy one
he could not understand why i got flustered weekly due to housework
he could not understand why i had not just spend some money to employ a maid
i had made my efforts to know his friends
but to him, he felt he could not engage my friends in a sufficiently intellectual discussion
he kept his distance - no point doing something if he did not like it
this attitude reflected our difference in the manner and approach to solving problems
it was different from the start
the imbalance in our attitudes to our lifestyle, people in our lives started to show
it eventually hit a point where it impacted our relationship
despite these differences
we convinced ourselves in our own ways that we can keep it going
we adapted to one another's person's idiosyncracies
we wanted to make it work
by this time, james had completed his nie pgde course
he was sent to a neighbourhood school to teach in the normal tech stream
that was a period of high stress for him stressful for that fact that not only was the students beyond control james also felt that it was not intellectually challenging for him
perhaps he had felt that as a scholar it would not do him any good to continue this way
he established contact with the gifted programme co-ordinator in moe and finally manoeuvre his way out of the school to another school as a gifted programme teacher
this went well with him but it took a toll on our relationship and that would eventually kill it
to our friends we were the ideal couple
i actually thought, and i think james too, thought we were
fine line between escapism/ denial and reality
we had made all efforts to keep together
we began to expose each other to our families
our coexistence became an inseparable fact to my family
for his family
i was his landlord
i remained so for the next few years
our routine of holidaying together at least once a year carried on
it was britain this time round
that capped our second year together
2 comments:
reading this in 2020 and wondering how the heck it is i've missed out on this series. i love that you were brave enough to document the relationship. (how do i hug you through this screen?)
Hey it’s been soooooo long. Have almost forgotten about it until your comment came along! Blogging is a way for me to vent and to let go. I must admit I have my shortcomings too... then again, I’ve moved on...
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