eswl - kidney stones

i went for the eswl procedure to remove the kidney stones 2 days ago.

to recap, 2 kidneys stones were found in my right kidney after i underwent the ct scan last month and i agreed to the doctor's suggestion to have them removed. and to manage my fear of the pain (as experienced in my previous eswl procedure) and hopefully to allow me a better eswl experience this time round, the doctor told me he would administer painkillers before the procedure. and so, with this assurance, i agreed to proceed with it.

time passed fast and i soon found myself walking into the ward for the procedure 2 days ago. everything was smoothly done - registration, admission, allocation of the bed, inserting the plug (ouch!), administering the painkiller, etc. and before i knew it, i was wheeled into the room where the dreaded machine was located (in the radiology department). the radiographer and a doctor (i think) was on site to locate the stone and that was when i was told - mr sim, one of the stone had moved. it is now about 2 (spinal) disc space down into the ureter. the other is still in the kidney. this didn't sound good to me. wtf. does it mean i will have to be zapped twice? i asked.  yes, the doctor said. we will try to break the one in the ureter first and see if we can go for the one in the kidney after that. it will not make sense to target the one in the kidney first cos the fragments will be blocked by the one in the ureter. we'll see how, you might have to come back a second time for the one located in the kidney if the one in the ureter takes a longer time than expected... 

my mind didn't register anything after this last sentence. wtf, wtf, wtf... have to come back again!? it would be nightmare all over again. and this was certainly not what i had bargained for, i thought. in my mind, the excruciating painful experience came back and it dreaded me to have to do this all over again. arghhh... anyway, a staff came in and plugged me to a machine (containing the sedative) and i was given the control to administer the sedative. press it if you cannot stand the pain, she said and left. and the procedure started soon. the all-so-familiar snapping sound of rubber band followed by the piercing sensation on my skin started. i winced at the first snap but got used to it quickly. for some reasons, this time round, the pain that swell inside the body did not occur. the snapping and zapping continued for about 20min and i was still waiting for the excruciating pain to start when the machine stopped. we have cleared the one in the ureter, the radiographer said, much to my pleasant surprise. we'll go for the one in the kidney now... 

before long, and after readjusting the machine, the zapping started again... and whooooooohhh, the whole sensation of pain that swell from inside the body started about 5 minutes into the procedure. i began to have cold sweat and i started wincing. when i finally decided i could not take the pain any further, i pressed onto the control. sedative, sedative, my mind went. whether it was administered or not, i didn't know. all i knew was that i was going through hell, and my eyes kept looking at the timer that was ticking. a minute later, i pressed onto the sedative control again. and again. and again... i didn't care if there was a timer that controlled the administration of the sedative, all i wanted was to relieve myself of the pain. the 5-10minutes seemed to last forever before the pain began to subside. i was sweating profusely by then. 

i was totally spend when the procedure ended and i was wheeled back to the ward. i was given a jug of water. you need to drink as much as you can and pee, before we can discharge you, the nurse said. obediently, i down everything and before long, i needed to pee. i made my way to the toilet and i was half afraid to see what i peed out. the last time i did the eswl, it was pure thick blood that came out and i almost freaked out. i looked up when i felt the piss coming out and it was after a split second before i looked into the toilet bowl. this time round, it was bloodied urine that i discharged and not pure blood. hmmm... and certainly, i felt a wee bit of sandy sensation as i peed. yup, that must be the broken fragments of the stones, i told myself.

i was discharged soon and given hospitalisation leave till the end of the week. i am now resting at home and i have been drinking like a buffalo for the last 2 days. certainly felt good to be rid of kidney stones. the review will be in mid-sep. hopefully, i'll be given an all clear and there's no requirement to head back again.

alice through the looking glass

watched this show over the weekend and despite some negative reviews, i actually thought it was rather nice and entertaining. such beautiful colours and make ups (although frankly, i was a little overwhelmed by johnny depp's face). the show had so many twists and turns, made especially so with the whole concept of time travel, that it made it the show very fun and exciting to watch. it was certainly a treat to be able to watch the young (and younger) characters of the show as alice made her way back in time, again and again. and yes, one thing came across clearly - that whatever you do, you can never change the past... well, at least that was the case for alice. shan't write further, go watch. and don't fall asleep. you need to be fully awake to follow the show.

:-)

repricing

time flies. my 2-year lock in period for my home loan is almost up and it is time to do a repricing. have asked for a quote. and i have also made a partial pre-payment to bring down the loan amount. in the current volatile market, it made sense to commit cash to clear some outstanding loan instead of investing them. avoiding interest payments is, in a way, the same as investments and certainly less stressful than committing them into investments. 

aim to clear my home loan liability by the time i hit 55 years old, if not earlier.

disappointment?

been 3 weeks since the interview with the top person of the mnc and just when i thought a job offer's gonna come, the headhuner called. we are so sorry... everyone is pushing for you, but the big boss has asked to look for someone local (from his country). so, please give them a little more time to try to convince the big boss. and when i asked for the reasons why the sudden change in mind, the headhunter couldn't answer. but i was assured tbat it was not becos of me. hmmm...

frankly, after being turned down by 3 big companies previously, i have learned to calibrate my expectations. so for this one, it looked like i have to wait a little longer. and as my ex-boss shared, this probably gave me an insight into the decision-making process of the company - just as i had been pre-empted by my friends before.

but well, i am not gonna let this hold me up. will continue to look for and apply other jobs. 

craziness

so many unthinkable things happened in the recent few weeks. so much so that i think the world is going crazy... here's just a few of them (not in chronological order):

• gorilla got killed after "playing" with kid in the states. damned the parents who didn't keep a close watch on the child. they should be the ones to be blamed in the first place. poor gorilla. 

• newly-appointed president encouraging killing of (alleged) drug pushers in philippines. and the latest i read was that it is getting out of control. wtf.

• politicians who championed "exit" but resigned almost immediately after brexit in uk. it's no different to stirring shit and run away (and yeah, i even read about trump entertaining the idea of not taking up the post if, a big if, he wins the election).

• child drowned after being dragged into water by crocodile in orlando. sad case. but once again, why did the parents allow the child to enter the water in the evening in the first place. very sad case.

• mother (and boyfriend) tortured 2-year old son to death in singapore. incomprehensible. reading about the things they did to the child made me feel so totally sick in the stomach.

• (closeted gay) man stormed and kill 49 and injured 53 in orlando. too many theories about why the man did what he did, but certainly, this is really outrageous.

• ailing king underwent op to drain water off his brain in bangkok. poor king has been sick for quite a few years. do really pray that he can recover. he is an old person and i dread the day i will have to say goodbye to him (even though he is not my king). he is one elder that many in the region deeply respects, not just in thailand.

• black sniper sniped 5 white policemen in the states. wtf, right?

• terrorist throwing grenades in kuala lumpur. first case of is-motivated attack in malaysia. too close to home.

• bombings at sacred sites in the holy land. so much for branding themselves are jihadists, fighting for islam. these are terrorists/ murderers who know no respects for islam. 

• crazy president launching missiles in prk. he is obese. he is insecure. he models himself after his grandfather. he removes and kills people whom he feels is in his way. crazy alright.

• son raped biological mother in singapore. what????!!! he's no different from an animal!

• father raped step-daughter in singapore. what what???!!! another person who's no different from an animal.

• white policeman kill black in dallas. too many of such incidents. someone need to stop this. 

• violent clashes in france. football mania? overzealous fans? to me, it is just pure hooliganism. period.

• bank robbery in singapore. a first after 2 decades. and to think the caucasian suspect only got away with $30,000. he must be crazy not to take more! heh... 

• train bombing in taipei. for some reasons, people like to bomb trains... well in singapore, news about trains have never about such incidents. think our security has been tight so far. here, to get trains into the headlines, no one need to do anything, the trains breakdown by itself.

• brexit. the name itself is crazy enough.

and these are just some of the headlines over the last month.

crazy right?

flu-???

i had a back sprain yesterday and visited the clinic. during registration, the counter assistant asked if i was allergic to any medication, to which i answered "fluvoxamine". instantly, she asked again "what?" and i repeated it... minutes later, my number was called and i entered the consultation room. the doctor greeted me and the first question he asked, looking a little confused, was: how come you are allergic to flu vaccines?

haha...

the legend of tarzan

it's actually quite funny to watch tarzan and jane dance and have sex. haha... i am still giggling in my head as i type this. you see, as a practice, i would post the trailers of movies i've watched in this blog and it was no different this time round. but when i cheekily googled for "naked tarzan", quite a few links appeared. there were bollywood versions where tarzan and jane sang hindi songs, danced around trees (what else right?) and frolicked by the beach - the indian jane wearing bright red flowing gown (!!!) while the tarzan donned his loin cloths! haha... and of course, there were porn versions and yours truly here decided to check them out too. and as to be expected, there were lots of sex scenes. but what tickled me most was the scene the depicted tarzan saving jane, who had apparently gone unconscious from a fall, and how he sniffed and explored her body. very animalistic (as to be expected) and very funny, to a large part, due to the stiff (no pun intended) acting. then again, almost all porn actors cannot act. and of cos, as in all porn, the porn-tarzan was superbly well-endowed and the porn-jane was such a cock-hungry person ("slut" would be a better word although it sounded downright crude)... ok, i am drifting away from my post.

well, i watched the show on friday night. it was indeed an entertaining show. the lead actor who played tarzan, alexander skarsgårdand, played the role very well. and the storyline stuck quite close to that as depicted by edgar rice burroughs, at least for the early years of tarzan. overall, i enjoyed the show and how it depicted tartan's relationship with the people of congo as well as the jungle and its inhabitants and, more specifically, his ape brothers. thought the cgi effects were rather well done too. as for the brick backs, there were many but hey, let's not dwell too much on these. it's a show and is meant to entertain right? and oh, since i spoke about how well endowed the porn tarzan was, in comparison, the tarzan in the show seemed rather... erm... emasculated. he was obviously freeballing but there was just simply no faint sign of any bulge down there. darned, my gay-side talking again. haha... ok, that'll be another discussion altogether. 

ps: porn-tarzan and porn-jane sounded almost thai... haha

scenic evening run

went for an evening run by the marina bay earlier and took these photos. always enjoy the marina bay scenery, especially during sunset. 

enjoy!

urinary system not ok

the stone in the left kidney was discharged on the 4 jun but i continued to experience bloodied urine 17-19 jun. the ct scan revealed 2 stones in the right kidney.

the urologist couldn't explain the second bloodied urine but ruled out stones and calcification of the blood vessels in the lower bladder as the cause. in the end, he said it could possibly be a case of urinary tract infection and will just leave it as it is and observe. the stone (that was discharged) had been send for further test to confirm the nature and composition of it. hopefully it will shed light and provide me clarity about any possible diet restrictions moving ahead.

as for the 2 stones in the right kidney, i took the urologist's suggestion to have them removed. have opted for the eswl (short wave) treatment and it will be done on the 12 jul. decided against waiting for another 3-6 months or more to observe as the only thing that can happen to the stone is to grow larger. added to this, i might be required to work overseas if my job application is successful.

had done the eswl before and it was really painful. was offered another option of inserting the scope/ clipper to break the stone via the penis. this would be done under ga but in the end, opted for the eswl after the urologist assured me it will be less painful that the last and that he will give me stronger painkillers. he also assured me he will be on site to boost the painkiller (to the point of almost knocking me out) if i cannot take the pain.

looking forward to be stone-free again.

heart's ok

completed the series of tests (treadmill, holter, 2d echo) for the heart and the findings, based on the staff who conducted the tests, suggest the heart is in good condition. that is to say, there are no enlargement, muscles seemed to be fine and working well, rhythm ok, etc.

will await the consultation with the specialist to give his views.

:-)

twitching left eye

bad omen? or just too tired?

finding dory

watched this show last night. it was a nice show, but towards the end, it got a little draggy. admittedly, i wondered when it will end... it was an entertaining show nonetheless.

:-)

independence day: resurgence

the critical part of me couldn't help but question how an alien community travelled the universe to earth, tried to suck the hell out of the core, fight with human over a small white ball, and finally got destroyed by human beings. proportion of time and space didn't seemed to make sense. also, the show celebrated unabashedly how smart humans (think they) are - being able to read alien languages, fly alien spaceships, etc etc etc.

and oh, i found it interesting to note that the first person to die in the whole show was the character played by a singaporean actor. and the first city to be destroyed by the alien was also a singaporean landmark. lol! and of cos, without being too critical, i think the producers need to be a little more accurate about the details if they want to bring out the authenticity of the cities being destroyed. and i say that cos, for the singaporean street scenes, we have chinese taxis and china-chinese speaking people being depicted.

(the highlight of cos was the superbly cute lead actor, although admittedly, i kept thinking of his brother whenever i looked at him)

then again, its only a movie. let's not take it too serious. it was a rather entertaining show, i must say.

heh heh...

warcraft: the beginning

watched this when i was in taiwan with bee recently. have always been a fan of such shows and enjoyed it much. of cos, the only thing that kept ringing in my mind as i watch the show was - how the hell did they eat with such huge lower incisors! heh... of cos, that would be another topic all on its own.

holter test

yup, that's me. all wired up. this is called the holter's test. the thing being stuck onto my body is the holter's monitor. am being hooked up to do a 24-hour ecg in an attempt to check for any irregular rhythm of the heart. will also be doing the scan tomorrow to see if i have any enlarged heart, damaged heart tissues, etc...

but for now, with me being all wired up, i cannot shower. and to keep myself dry, i try not to do anything that will make me perspire. well, it is not as uncomfortable as it looked. maybe just a little itchy due to the plaster. otherwise, it's really ok. but of cos, with all the wires running around, doesn't it make me look like a suicide bomber?

lol!

auntie in toilet

i was at the hospital earlier for a medical procedure and while waiting for my turn, i felt the urge to pee.

i went to the toilet (unisex) and as i pushed the door, i was shocked to see an auntie inside. she let out loud scream when she saw me and it struck me right away that auntie didn't lock the door! instinctively, i said to her, loudly, "auntie, you never lock the door!" needed to do that before she accused me of anything! thankfully, auntie was fully clothed. i quickly closed the door and entered the adjacent toilet, which was a toilet for the disabled.

it was a good thing that there was no further commotion and i proceeded to pee. as i did so, i couldn't help but noticed the sounds of non-stop locking and unlocking of the next toilet's door (where auntie was in). it went on for quite a while and it got me a little curious. when i walked out of the toilet, the locking and unlocking of the door was still going on. added to that, i also noticed the door being pushed open and closed as the locking and unlocking went on. auntie was clearly trying very hard to lock the door and testing if the door could be opened when locked.

poor auntie, she probably didn't know that all hospital toilet doors could be opened from inside without unlocking (auto-unlock). the traumatized auntie must have felt totally helpless, thinking that door could not be locked... anyway, i walked away as fast as i could. and to prevent auntie from being further embarrassed, i decided to head to the canteen and spend some time there before returning to the clinic. i can still vividly recall her "wtf, wth, omfg" face when i opened the door...

lol!

my last 2 weeks - very positive

it's been a while since i posted anything here. had been really busy and drained past 2 weekends with commitments such as hosting an overseas friend and made a trip to taiwan. thus, i'll make this a summary post of the key things that happened over the last 2 weeks. overall, i'd say things were really exciting and picking up, and it was positive on all fronts (or at least that was how i chose to see things). and frankly, for a brief period, i didn't want to blog anything for fear that it might just stop the momentum of the pick up... heh... ok, here goes...

bee
we made a short trip to taipei over the last weekend. didn't do much except to walk, shop, eat, watched movie and just idle through the weekend. it was not exactly a restful one give the frequent very long walks, but it certainly was a good break. and yeah, he said i snored like crazy these days when i slept, confirming my suspicions that my frequent sleep disruption was due to my breathing. will write more in the next para.

health

in this area, apart from confirming my snoring/ breathing issues, i also completed the ct scan of my kidneys. but the key highlight for my health these two weeks was the fact that the kidney stone came out! it occurred 2 weekends ago after some drinks at the hotel lounge. i went to pee at the hotel toilet and felt a sharp pain. i kinda suspected it was due to the stone. and once i reached home, it came out as i peed again. it was huge! larger than the stone i peed out some years back. and with the ejection of the stone, everything slowly cleared off... the backaches, the frequent pains at the kidney areas, etc. it all disappeared. so, yeah, this was a really good highlight for me in the last two weeks, health-wise.

work/ professional development

some 2 months back, a headhunter company contacted me with the intent to convince me to consider an opportunity with an mnc. i wasn't too keen on it but decided to meet the headhunter nonetheless. and with the change in position titling and the increasingly toxic environment at my workplace, this opportunity became something that could be an escape route for me. but as i spoke more with the company, my interest picked up and with further encouragement from my lady ex-boss, i had, as of today, gone for 6 rounds of interviews - the final one with the chairperson of the company. things look somewhat positive and hopefully i can get some good news in the coming days. so, yeah, this is the highlight for me, work-wise. then again, i am trying hard to manage my expectations here given the many similar occurrences previously that did not materialise eventually. keeping my fingers crossed nonetheless. wish me luck...

colleagues

my crazy colleagues had been organising quite a few dinner gatherings and karaoke sessions and i joined them for a couple of them. they were rather fun and brightened up many of my evenings. i guessed the fact that the recent shift of everyone to the new office, and the decentralisation of the departments made everyone miss each other. whatever the case, it was good to meet up and just go crazy. as for my previous team (before we reorganised), i brought them out for the good dinner as my way of thanking them for their hardwork and support. thought they enjoyed the dinner thoroughly.

friends
a friend of mine from overseas visited singapore and i hosted him over 4-5 days at the start of the month. brought him to the zoo, went shopping at orchard road, visited the temple, ate at different places, etc... enjoyed his company but man, it was really tiring to go to all the different places in singapore over such a short time. that was partly why i didn't blog at the start of the month. heh...

so... yeah, as you can see, every front was positive. of cos, all these happened as i shifted office, the company got merged with another, new department head got bitchy and nitpicked things i did, new boss that despite being somewhat cordial, hasn't gotten used to having me in the team, colleagues that were not too friendly yet, etc etc etc... but well, i have decided to just ignore all these. i can't change them, so just accept them and go with the flow. this, perhaps is the good thing for being in a lower position. i'll just continue to keep focused on the good things, and be positive.

will try to expand some of the things above in the coming posts... if i can find the motivation and the energy.

:-)

reflecting mid-2016

it's mid-2016 and i think it is a useful time to consolidate what i had set out since the start of the year. here's a quick one.

personal life

> increase my focus to enrich my personal life and invest in more quality me-time

i have given myself the space-out time, i have given myself the space to do what i wanted to do and i have stretched my boundaries, but i remained aimless and it was, and still is, eating into me. this was made worst by the passing of sapphie. as of now, and together with work-related issues, things have to a point where i suffer insomnia and along with it comes all sorts of health issues. i need to find a sense of direction in my life again. 

bee

> do my part to rebuilt what was weakened over the pass years

it will take both hands to clap and i think there are more work to be done in this area.

sapphie

> continue to take good care of her

i use red for this para as sapphie passed away 22 march 2016 and thus bring an abrupt end to this guide for the year. her passing was another blow to my life just about 4 months after mum left me. it was especially bad for me as she left me when i was overseas. i have not gotten used to her absence as yet.

family

> nurture my niece and nephew

similar to the above, i used red for this para as i consider this a closed chapter. for now, at least. it is a deliberate decision to stop all interactions with my brother due to the toxicity of the relationship. and with this comes the natural end to the possibilities of interacting and ability to influence the growing of my beloved niece and nephew. so this becomes another loss to me.

relatives

> put in more efforts to strengthen the ties with my extended family

i have yet to fully fulfil this aspect of my life although i must say i have increased the efforts to interact with them. 

health

> live healthily

i have not been able to achieve this given the constant sickness over the pass few months. my health took a nosedive over the last month with 2 visits to the a&e department for chest tightness and kidney stones. my colleague suggested to me that my health issues were to a large part psychosomatic and i tend to agree with her. so this is one area i need to really work on. let's hope this goes away soon.

work/ professional development

> get a new job, move to a new company

frankly, i had almost wanted to give up looking for a job when the transport company told me they will not be pursuing my candidacy. but given the recent developments in my workplace, i have renewed my job search process and i really hope to be able to move to a new company soon. perhaps this will also help clear my health issues? heh...

friends

> build and strengthen the relationships amongst my circle of friends, and if possible, expand my network of friends

this perhaps is one of the positive aspects for me this year. at work, there are a lot of positive development and my colleagues are getting rather close to me. also outside, there are also a little more interactions with people around me.

bloggers/ blogging

> continue to blog

yup, i have continued to blog. but i must say this - the motivation level had dropped and i do often end up blogging only on weekends. nonetheless, i see this as a temporary downtime cos blogging is something i believe i will continue to do.

may 2016, pushing new boundaries

this has been a really life defining month for me.

and i am not talking about the announcement at work or the 2 visits to the a&e this month, which by itself was a first for me in my life too. but really, i was in a self-destructive mood this month and had done things that were way beyond what i would usually deemed right by normal standards. i do not intend to write what i had done here. so... yes, i will just leave it as it is. will i do what i did again in future, i cannot guarantee i won't, but for now, i can only say it is not my normal self to do what i did. and as to why i did those things, i supposed i felt neglected, i felt depressed, i felt aimless and i just wanted an escape. but i did not regret doing them. it was an experience by itself and i was conscious about how wrong it was such that i continued to control myself even as i pushed beyond my boundaries during the whole experience. frankly, if i had not controlled myself, i could have possibly lost myself and died in the process. ok, shall just leave things here. 

so... yeah, i have yet again experience something new. 

my urologist review

i went for my urologist review today.

did the x-ray before the check up and yes, the stone showed up. the stone that was seen in the left kidney last year had dislodged and moved down towards the bladder. as for the stone in the right kidney, it was still there and had not moved. the doctor arranged for a ct scan to be done on 15 jun to determine the exact location of the stone and the size. 

interestingly, apart from the stone, i also noticed a few other white spots in the bladder. the doctor mentioned that they were most likely calcification of the blood vessels in the bladder and there was nothing to be too concerned about. in my mind, i was wondering if they were cancerous polyps. then again, i didn't ask further.

i left the hospital with a few painkillers and as in previous occasions, tamsulosin tablets. these are supposed to help relax the ureter and aid the kidney stones' movement. hopefully this will help the stone dislodge from its current location and be expelled out of the body by the time i head to the next review on the 27 jun. let's see how it goes. for now, even as i type this entry, i can feel the bad ache developing.

my weekend hk getaway

well, the getaway came and went in a flash. here're the blow-by-blow account of my trip.

had insomnia again on friday night. fell asleep only at about 1.45am. woke up at 3.45am and dragged myself to the airport. my flight was at 6am and i needed to check in at 4am. it was an uneventful flight and i arrived at hong kong about slightly past 10am. i think it was the prolonged sitting cos the areas where i had my kidney stones started aching badly. struggled my way out of the plane and when i went to the airport arrival hall toilet to pee. there were lots of blood. well, i kinda expected it. drank some water before hopping onto the airport express. it was close to 11am when i left the airport.

made my way to mongkok, had my lunch and then checked in to the hotel slightly after half-past 12 noon. the room would only be available at 2pm and i simply sat at the hotel lounge where i surfed the net and checked out guys in the apps i had in my phone - grindr, jackd, hornet, planet romeo... the people around me were exactly the same people i saw when i did a check on the area from singapore. checking guys in these apps for updates can be rather addictive, especially when you are at a new place. i also posted my face pic onto the apps, as was my usual practice when i go overseas. then again, it was kinda disappointing when nobody texted me. have i lost my market value? haha... the truth hurts and i was simply asking for it. 

anyway, i got my room, took a shower, pee some more bloodied urine and decided to take a nap. when i woke up it was already evening and it was raining badly. thunderstorm, as forecasted by the weatherman. i slept again. woke up late evening when the rain got a little lighter and headed off for dinner at a small local eatery opposite my hotel. beef fried rice. thought beef would help replenish the iron i had lost through the day. and after that, it was straight to the sauna. it was only about 7pm and it was already rather crowded. i didn't stay long and left about 2 hours later. shan't go into details but let's just say, lots of things can happen in 2 hours. came back to the room at about 9.30pm and watched x-men on tv, a rerun of the first class. the show ended slightly after midnight. that was how i spend my first day in hong kong. for a long time since god knows when, i slept deeply that night.

woke up late on sunday and decided to just laze in bed. surfed the net for porn and more porn. and checked my gay apps again. this time round, there were quite a few messages. all looking for fun. many said they like what they see (my face) and asked my for my body pic. and when i send it to them, they either ignored or blocked me. wtf. hahaha... and for that one or two that seemed rather a good catch and wanted to meet up, i didn't go further than thank them for their interest and told them i needed to check out soon. frankly, i wasn't in the mood for it, not after the visit to the sauna. so the whole morning was just spent lazing in bed until check out time at 12noon. i had 5 hours to waste before i need to check in and decided to head to lantau island to visit the giant tian tan buddha and the po lin temple. it was a good visit despite the fact that the whole mountain was covered with fog. visiting the temple always calms me down and i needed it. met an american filipino lady and her mother and guided them around the area.

left the place close to 3pm and arrived at the airport at about 5pm. and in the train en route to the airport, i realised i had purchased the return ticket on the wrong day. i had bought the ticket for a flight on saturday instead of sunday. damned. it meant i was a no-show case the day before. i had no choice but to purchase a one-way ticket home. thankfully, i managed to get it. the flight back to singapore was a lot more manageable cos i knew the crew and spend more than half the time chatting with them. reached back home safely by about 11pm. end of sunday, day two.

in all, it was a simple lazy trip, just as i had wanted. 

:-)

hong kong trip

i have just booked a ticket to hong kong. this will be my third trip to hong kong in as many months.

will be there over the weekend. decided against staying in singapore. needed the break again after these recent horrible developments at work and my health. told myself that i should give myself this break cos i can also expect my travel benefits to be revoked soon. also, bee is not around and i don't want to spend my weekend in singapore alone. and screw the possibility of the kidney stone moving. at most, i'll stay in my hotel and sleep my way through. i'll bring along my painkillers nonetheless.

so yeah... my flight will be tomorrow morning 6am. and i return sunday late evening. in time to sleep and prepare for my monday work.

:-)

the angry birds movie

frankly, i am not an angry birds fan. have never found them entertaining nor cute too... but last night, i decided to catch the movie. bee had gone to bangkok for business trip once again and this time round, he will be there until next tuesday. have always disliked his business trips cos for some reasons, his trips are always announced last minute and his gay bosses like to start their business trip on either thursday or friday and come back on monday or tuesday. i assume that this way, they can play and work at the same time. and whatever he goes away, he becomes uncontactable and i hardly get any news from him. and that's not how family members treat one another. family members keep each other informed of their whereabouts. anyway, since he is away, i'd make the best of my time.

back to the angry birds. yup, i've never been a fan of angry birds. but i decided to proceed to catch the movie. it was nonetheless entertaining although most of the time, i felt the producers were trying too hard. still, it helped kill some of my time and made me sufficiently tired and sleep soundly when i returned. so i guessed this said a lot about how much i liked the movie. heh heh... but really, if you have a lot of time and don't know what to do with it, and don't mind some idiotic brainless entertainment, go watch this show. am sure you'll enjoy it.

diamonds are forever...

woke up with an acute stabbing pain on my left abdominal area two days ago and headed to the gp for an assessment. was diagnosed to have acute intestinal cramps and reflux. given a jab and some medication to relax the intestinal cramps as well as some medication to manage the reflux. was also given a day mc to rest at home. 

the pain did not subside but got worst and i started peeing blood and experiencing chills. the colour of my urine was rusty initially and a while later, turned bright red. clearly, there was internal bleeding in the urinary tract. darned, my next medical review with the urologist will only occur august and thus, i decided to moved it forward. thankfully there was a slot this coming monday. once done, i decided to head to the hospital a&e department. i needed to get some relieve for the pain and looking at the intensity of the colour of the urine, i got a little worried. at the hospital, the triage nurse asked me to collect a urine sample but i couldn't. there was just no urine. it took a while, but eventually i felt the urge to pee. the urine that i collected was rather clear by then, although the redness was still very obvious. when i showed it to the doctor, he didn't even bother to send it for further test. instead, he told me to just discharge it - there was really nothing further to test when the colour so clearly showed the presence of blood. i was given another jab to manage the pain and the doctor extended my mc to 3 days as he expected the kidney stones to continue to move in the coming days. i was also given several other medication including antibiotics in case my urinary tract gets infected.

it's been two days and although the urine seemed clear for now, there are still occasions where internal bleeding still occurred. and i concluded so cos of the presence of rust-coloured urine. sighs... looks like another painful period for me....

vesak day

this year's vesak was no different from previous years. once again, i shaved my head, went on vegetarian diet, did the 3-step-1-bow ritual, etc. i think i've gotten used to the whole thing such that the 15 days of vegetarianism and the rituals came and went without too much hassle. for that matter, my colleagues have gotten used to my annual routines. and i said so becos when i went to office bald, one of them simply said "oh, it's that time of the year again huh?"... heh. but for those new staff, they stared at me like as though i was some marsian...

then again, there's one thing i did differently - my approach to the practice. in previous years, i was rather strict about observing things such as not doing or eating certain things. and it sometimes caused me some form of discomfort. i got by by convincing myself that it's part of discipline and cultivation requires discipline. this year, i was not so attached to it and just went with the flow. told myself not to be too attached to the actions and that as long as i was aware of things, it should be ok. and that went rather well.

as an example, i attended a wake of a friend's mother and they do not serve vegetarian food. my friend felt a little bad despite me telling her that i'll make do with desserts. she went on to take some custard puffs, and served me instead. i didn't push back but accepted the offer and ate them thankfully. if this was last year, i'd reject the puffs. the puffs contained eggs and i do not take eggs nor egg-products when i observe vegetarianism. so... yeah, my approach this year was - practice mindfully but don't be too dogmatic about it. use it to guide but don't be attached to it unnecessarily.

happy belated vesak to one and all. may all sentient beings be well.

x-men: apocalypse

caught the show last thursday night. it made a good break for me after the horrible announcement of the company restructure. frankly, i contemplated not heading to work on friday. was totally not in the mood to work. anyway, this show provided me the escape i needed, even if it was for the short moment.

it was an immensely entertaining show and it was really good to be able to escape to a world where people (mutants) has the power to do powerful stuff. this show also helped me connect missing pieces of previous shows and gave the additional depth to the few key characters of x-men, such as how storm has white hair, how prof xavier turned bald, how magneto turned bad, etc... and wow, jean grey never fail to impress! wow wow wow!

good show, should go watch.

:-)

putting up a front

i was an emotional wretched following the announcement of the changes in the org structure and that my title will be downgraded to that of a manager-grade staff. some of the reasons that made me so unhappy include:

• the person that i'll be reporting to is junior to me in terms of duration with company, age and experience. for that matter, when he first joined the sister company, the hod (who is now the new entity hod) asked me to help guide him along.

• a manager-grade staff in my department was promoted to senior manager. he was the person whom i had clashed with last year. he was a junior executive when i joined my company and he was promoted from junior executive to manager within the 3 years i was with my company. i had supported his promotion previously. with this change, in terms of positional title and seniority, he will now be above me.

• the people that were "promoted" as part of this integration (in particular, the above) have been my current boss' favourite persons or existing manager-grade staff of the sister company. i therefore assumed (rightly or otherwise) that my boss had played a role in negotiating who should be given the chance to take the lead role as part of this integration. i took it that he did not and had not bothered to negotiate for me to assume the lead position. 

• this review and announcement of the structure came at a time where we received our annual bonus payout and increment. i was once again told that i have been overpaid, underworked and thus cannot justify for an increment that commensurate national wage guidelines. and when i queried further, he simply said - i have tried to fight for you but this was top man's decision. i did not take his feedback too well as he had previously loaded with another colleague's work based on the same input - i.e. overpaid, underworked - and through the year after i took on this additional port folio, i had made immense improvements and changes to the areas i was loaded with. and the results showed.

amidst all these, when i returned to the office during my hospitalisation leave for the townhall, my boss did not talk to me. when i went to knock on his door to inform him i was back, he simply asked if i had been told of the details. i was not aware that i would be downgraded and had answered him "no". he kept quiet and left things as it was. with the announcement finally made, and the new hod telling me that her mind is fixed, i thought it would be useless to confront my boss. i simply ignore him. he is not worth my respect anymore. with the one plus year i had worked with him, i was clear he wouldn't help me. i can only expect him to say "i tried". interestingly, my staff (the one that my boss brought in and that i had all along seen him as my boss's eyes and ears on the ground) asked to speak with me about the integration. he talked about his displeasure of the restructure and how the sister company would be dictating most of the ways ahead. i had to counsel him about this integration despite my own unhappiness. but what's interesting was that he shared about how good my boss was and that i should be appreciative of him. he went on to add that i had misunderstood him, yadda yadda yadda. i didn't want to pursue the topic further. 

amidst all these developments that didn't go down well with me, i started getting messages from my colleagues from other department asking if i was ok, given the unfair treatment. i had to simply smile and tow the organisational line that our position titles need to be reviewed and aligned to the new organisation. admittedly, i was highly emotional after the announcement on thursday. with the few days behind me, i asked if my reaction to this downgrading was justified. my reflections are:

• it was my emotions that controlled me. was i justified to feel this way? perhaps. it was a natural reaction given that it was the direct hit on my ego. i felt humiliated, un-valued, and victimised. and objectively speaking, i believed things could have been better managed - from the review of the organisation structure to managing employees' feelings.

• a position title is a position title. i was emotional for the fact that favouritism seemed to have played a huge role in this review of structure and placement of staff. although i reconciled and acknowledged that relationship considerations would be needed to ensure smooth transition and organisational stability.

• there is a lack of trust between my new hod and i. and it is not unexpected. it only mean i need to work doubly, triply hard to gain her trust. but my issue now is - this whole process will be very tiring and painful considering the amount of efforts i had put on over the last 3 years to get the company to where it is today, and now i have to throw away everything and start things all over again.

it was interesting and apt for a fact that when i was at the temple to do the vesak day rites, i was reminded that desires and attachments translate to suffering and i must learn to let it go if i want to be happy. my attachment to titles and my attachment to my "face" had caused me all the sufferings. my reactions was a result of my ego and i need to let it go. objectively speaking and as reminded by some friends - smaller job scope, but same pay - so take it positively and move forward bravely. whatever the case may be, i need to ensure the transition process is smooth in the coming weeks/ months.

as far as i am concerned, my boss had failed me and now simply shirk away all the issues. in this integration, he has asked to be transferred to integration project office. with this development, he is no longer my boss and i have stopped asking him for directions. i am also very much aware that this current structure is not realistic nor sustainable, particularly from the internal equity point of view. in this regard, i can only expect to be asked to leave sooner or later. thus, i need to re-start my job search process. objectively speaking, it would be more important to invest my energies in my job search and in organisations that value me and where i can contribute better in the longer run rather than this new set-up. 

so... yeah, until the day i leave this company, i shall put up a strong front and do what i needed to do. be professional about it and make sure the ball don't drop during this transition period.

emotional week

i was on hospitalisation leave and got an email from my boss - there is a townhall and i suggest that you should attend it. i knew about this townhall and had expected it. it was to announce major changes to the organisation given the recent developments in the acquisition of my company. 

the townhall did go into the broad details of how things will be in the coming months. in essence, the message that went out was - this is not a merger, it is an integration where 2 sister companies will come together to better synergise and grow the business, and that there will be no job lost. and as to be expected, there were changes in the organisation structure and reporting lines. while the top man position goes to my company's top man, there were much changes at the lower levels. details of these changes were eventually announced the day after when several focus group discussions were held - ok, not so much discussion, but rather an "into-your-face" briefing where the message, despite the cheery tones, was that this will be how things will be moving ahead, and you don't have choice but to move in tandem. of cos, the message was thrown to us like a challenge - as a leader, you need to tow the organisation stand and be a change agent.

there seemed to be a couple of senior positions that were retained by my company's senior staff and for other departments, assumed by the senior staff of the sister company. for my department, the head of department was taken over by that of the sister company and thus much of the department structure of the sister company was retained. i do understand that some of the manager-grade staff from the sister company were promoted to senior manager grade as part of this restructure. on my side, one of my colleague (that i had clashed with before and who was my boss' favourite) has been promoted to senior manager and given a new role to lead a team. as for the other 3 of us, we were placed into manager-positions to report to senior managers of the sister company. this would be a lateral move for my 2 colleagues, but for me, it would be a downgrading of 2 levels. my new reporting manager will be some one who joined the sister company a year ago and almost a decade my junior.

to prepare me for this announcement, the head of department called me up for lunch before the announcement was made. while she was nice about it, she made no attempt to hide the fact that the decision to promote her staff to lead the team was because they had been colleagues years ago and that she is comfortable with him during his short one-year with the company. and as for me, she could only apologise to have to downgrade my position and to seek my understanding on it. it was an emotional moment for me and i do admit i was totally stunt by her inputs. i didn't know how to react. i was also told that if i cannot accept, she'd totally understand if i decide to look for other jobs. nonetheless, she hoped i could give her about 6 months, and without any promises, to assess the situation with regards whether she should consider putting up a case to split the function and to allow me to lead a separate team.

morning walk/ jog

woke up about 4-ish this morning. and rather than head back to sleep, i decided to head out for a morning walk at the park (yes, the cruisy park near my house). and i was actually surprised to find a mid-20ish gay man there... but ok, that's not what i want to write about...

at that hour, public buses have not started their runs and the whole place was nice, quiet, and dark. there was no movements nor sounds except the sounds of cicadas singing, frogs (or toads) croaking and the water flowing (in the canal). and as i walked, a gentle breeze blew and i could feel the chill of the pre-dawn dew descending onto me. and before long, the birds started their morning songs. i could single out at least 4-5 different species of birds. amongst them, and one that stood out for me, was the yellow vented bulbul (sound as heard in the youtube posted here). this was the sound that rouses me from my slumber every morning - my natural alarm clock. it always start about 6am and it would go on and on until about 7am. i actually find it very pleasant and very therapeutic. when the yellow vented bulbul starts their songs, i know it is about time to head back to shower and to prepare for work (if i walk during weekdays). anyway, back to this morning. i was walking home when i experienced several yellow vented bulbuls singing at the same time, and from different trees. they seemed to be singing to each other. it was so melodious i simply froze in the middle of the path and listened. such is the beauty of waking up early for pre-dawn walks. it was priceless. 

but all too soon, the distant sounds of airplane started to roar... morning has broken.

for more about the yellow vented bulbul, check this link

sleep apnea

i think i have sleep apnea. i had suspected so cos i have always had difficulty sleeping through the night. i would always wake up at 2-3am every night. and i got the clearest sign of sleep apnea this morning. i was sleeping and i was dreaming of something. it was a really deep sleep and halfway through the dream, i was jolted out of my sleep cos i couldn't breath. i woke up in a shock, gasping for air. that was how i confirmed i am suffering from sleep apnea. let's see how. might just seek medical help if it continues to worsen.

captain america again

watched the show again this week. this time round, went with bee. and frankly, watching the show the second time round was so much clearer. in fact, i understood the opening scene, the little nuances that occurred during the show. the historical scenes that flashed back a couple of times... all seen in perspective.

dreams of mum

for some strange reasons, i have been dreaming of mum lately. cannot really recall most of the dreams but only that she was in it. and most of the time, she did not talk except one or two as follows:

• i was at the edge of a huge water body (sea? top of waterfall?) and i dare not jump in, but a voice (mum?) told me not to be afraid and just jump in and swim. i did that and i found myself gliding in the water. it felt wonderful to be able to do that. i was swimming (or gliding) freely and i could go underwater and above it so effortlessly. and there were also a couple of occasions where i swam all the way to the edge of the water body, and i literally saw it fell into forever. it was just that high, but i was not dragged by the currents but managed to swim away from the edge...

• my second sis and i were helping my mum with her pants. she was a young lady in the dream, and we were trying to tie a string around her pants just above her knees. once done, we had to roll the edge of the pants up. for some reasons, that was the way it should be worn when mum goes to work (i know it's weird, but that's how it was in the dream). we had some trouble rolling up the edge of the right leg and could only do it after some tries. once done, we proceeded to roll the edge of the pants on her left leg. i even remembered vividly that i told myself i had learned something valuable...

that were the two dreams i remembered. the first occurred sometime last weekend and the second just two nights ago... i made no heads or tails out of it but... yeah, it just came and went.

infection

had just been discharged from the short stay unit (ssu) of the accident and emergency ward of the hospital.

it started yesterday morning when i experienced slight breathlessness, had chest tightness and felt giddy. i brushed it off as i attributed it to lack of sleep and continued to head to office. by lunchtime, it got to the point where i couldn't take it further and decided to ask my boss permission to head home to rest. things did not improve and my temperature started to shoot up and i began experiencing chills. that was when i decided to check in to the hospital a&e department.

i was placed on priority list and immediately had my ecg, x-ray and blood test taken. by then, i was already a total goner. i was shivering like crazy even as my temperature was high. the doctor saw me once the blood tests results were out and told me there were signs of internal infections but he needed to ward me for further checks to rule out the possibility of a heart attack. i was subjected to a series of 3-4hrly blood tests through the night and by morning, the results conclusively ruled out heart attack, dengue and malaria. the doctors had ordered tests for malaria as i had traveled to malacca over the weekend. with these ruled out, the doctors said the infection was most likely related to the acute urti (upper respiratory tract infection) that i am currently having. but to be safe, and to confirm there are no other heart-related issues, i had been referred for treadmill and cardiologist for follow up.

for now, have been given hospitalization leave until mid-next week.

time to take a good rest...

moody

just moody. 

too many things happening at the same time at all fronts but no one seemed to be interested nor bothered. consistent sleepless nights, nightmares, weird dreams, uncertainties, tensions, non-stop, never-ending. and i don't even know where to start to talk about it. and as of now, i don't know how to manage anymore. life as a whole is getting totally haywire... 

too much pent ups. and for too long too.

wtf.

mother's day

i felt rather mixed and sad when i get edms on mother's days' merchandise and advertisements being blasted non-stop on radio that suggests to listeners how they should celebrate mother's days. my mum was no longer alive. but of cos, i acknowledged the importance and key roles mothers play in our lives. so...

anyway, happy mother's day (a belated one nonetheless) to all mothers out there. and for those who still have one, go up to them and give them a kiss, or a tight hug. no need to say how much you love them considering how conservative most people still claim themselves to be, although that would be really nice. as for me, i only wish i could have another chance to do it. but that's just wishful thinking. am glad i did give my mum all the hugs she needed and i could give when she was alive. still recall vividly how i hugged her and teased her once a while while watching tv with her. and whenever i did it, she'd make some frivolous comments like "hiau". brings a smile to me whenever i think of it.

so for this year, i could only drop by her resting place and give her my wishes quietly.

melaka trip

bee and i headed up north to melaka (or 'malacca' in english) over the weekend. it was a short trip for bee to do his dvd shopping. as for me, there was really no major reasons why i wanted to go there other than to have a short get away. 

malaysia has not changed in any major ways since i last drove in about 3-4 years ago. if any, i think had stagnated. the place is just as disorganized and major road works that were going on since the time i last visited were still going on. amazing. i half-suspect there were politics at play behind the scene that made the process so slow. then again, as a visitor, it would do me a lot of good to just observe and be respectful. but one thing is for sure, the people are just as nice. still very warm.

and as for melaka itself, i personally think it has lost its old charm. and i suspect it is due to the wave of commercialization that followed after it was awarded the world heritage status. and i say that becos everything has become so artificial and, short of a better word, commercialized. hotels and shopping centres have sprung up everywhere, shops that used to sell their traditional chendol and local fares have disappeared and replaced by new shops that sells things like durian puffs, fermented tou fu, souvenirs, bad quality tee shirts, etc. really disappointing.

we drove back sunday morning. despite all the observation, it was not too bad a trip. 

velcro head

well, it's the fourth lunar month again and i've once again gone bald. this is my annual practice before vesak day. i thought it would be interesting to share some details here about being bald. here're some of them:

• my head feels like velcro. and i said so because whenever i try to dry my head after my shower, i will have the interesting challenge of trying to wipe my head. you see, i needed to move my towel long the grains of the little hair follicles. else, the towel will get stuck, similar to how you try to move a piece of clothe across a velcro tape.

• the same thing happens when i sleep at night. whenever i try to turn myself, my head will get stuck. not a very comfortable feeling cos it seriously feels like your head is lined with velcro tape and it gets stuck onto the pillow case. you have problem initiating the turn, and once you move, you will have this awkward "zzzzzeeeepppp" sound coupled with a rough feel of your scalp scrapping against the pillow case.

• your scalp gets sunburn. yes, you get sunburn at the most uninteresting but very obvious place. thankfully, for me, i don't get raw-looking red scalp these days. red heads are only for that head that is not to be seen in public. heh... and to make it even more interesting, when the sunburned scalp begins to tear, you end up looking like you have a big problem with dandruff...

• and being bald is high maintenance! you gotta shave daily. yes. or else, the hair will grow again and you will end up looking unkempt. i do know of guys that even shave their head twice a day - before work and before bed. so troublesome right? but well, for me, i didn't actually go skinhead-bald. i simply cut it as close to the skin as possible. and so, my head still had a grey tint to it. so... heh... 

• the positive side to having a bald head is that you save on shampoo. and certainly, to set record straight, you will still need shampoo even if you do not have hair. you need to clear your scalp of the oil it secretes. just that you need not apply too much. so, you save money... in a way.

some of my older colleagues are aware of my annual ritual and have not asked further. but for some of the newer ones, they'd ask me about it. and in response, i'll simply tell them that i was too tired i felt asleep at the barber. and the barner misunderstood my dozing off nods to mean i wanted a shorter cut whenever he asked if i want it shorter.

:-)

missing my mum

its been almost 6 months since she passed away, yet, i still have this habit to want to call her to tell her my whereabouts.

just to realise she's no longer alive.

i miss her.

still.

captain america: civil war

i watched this show in taipei. it was a saturday night and i was bored and dead tired. i had not had a good rest since 48 hours ago as i had deliberately deprived myself of sleep the previous night. and despite being shagged out, i didn't want to sleep. it was near midnight but to me, i considered it early. i was on a holiday after all. and one don't sleep early while on holiday right? i toyed with the idea of waiting to come home and watch the show with bee. but decided that i should just go ahead. i was alone and i wanted to kill time. and i reminded myself i was there because i needed a break and i needed to find my own space, do what i want to do for myself - only myself. and i should stop thinking about others. just do it.

and it was with this state of self-centredness that i proceeded to purchase the ticket for the midnight show. the cinema was somewhat old, a little small and despite being the opening weekend, it was only 3/4 filled. in that state of mind, i couldn't really think and ended up totally confused when the story started. there were too many flashbacks/ references to previous shows, i thought. and it didn't help that i was distracted constantly by this taiwanese bitch beside me that kept checking her facebook and answering her wechat during the show. damned it, if you want to facebook or wechat, you shouldn't be in the cinema in the first place. her actions just made me even more pissed off that night. a tired man is an angry man? haha... instead of kicking a fuss, i decided to change my seat. and it was then that i started to follow the show.

and there were just too many superheroes! on one hand, i got pleasantly surprised when "hey! another superhero appears", yet on the other hand, i couldn't help but go "oh, wait!? one more? oh man... i am getting confused... again...". but well, once i got used to it, it was actually quite fun. and i found it rather interesting how politics was layered over the superheroes. it didn't seemed right, but it reminded me how the concept of power is neutral and how power is only meaningful if applied in an enlighten manner. ok, i am not sure if i made sense here. anyway, i think i am also tired now.

shan't blog further. didn't want this to become a movie review anyway.

:-)

trip to taipei - overall

it was a trip born out of the need to kill my boredom. and as in all trips where i travelled alone, i focused my attention on the gay-side of things. checking out gaymen, and exploring gay places, and i think i have blogged about them in my previous entries. on top of that, there were also things in general that made the place so different from the norms that i am used to... here're some of them:

• the place is superbly energetic. lotsa people, and lotsa spontaneity. you get baskers, painters, street performers, etc. in singapore, things tend to be a lot more organized. people are not as spontaneous. to the point of being boring, if i may add. and i opined this is becos there is just no critical mass to sustain bottom up spontaneity.

• there are so many people, and so many nationalities. and the locals are so nice to everyone, regardless of nationalities. this is so different from singapore where people are increasingly xenophobic, and it's killing and strangling the place. i often suspect singapore's xenophobia is born out of insecurities as a small state, coupled with greed and self-centredness of its citizens.

• the place is superbly clean it's almost surreal. people bothered to take the responsibility to keep the place clean and are very conscious of their own personal habits. i can hardly find a rubbish bin around and often, i end up holding my rubbish until i can find a bin, which may be a long distance away. and it wasn't just me, in general, everyone did that. in contrast, singapore's cleanliness is becos there is an army of cleaners that sweep the place regularly. it's not born out of habits but staged. 

• people are considerate and polite. as an example, people actually queue up at the mtr and allow passengers to leave the trains before boarding, and they do not push. so unlike what i've experienced here. enough said.

• people are accepting of each other and coexist well. ok, at least that is what i experienced during my short few days there. i supposed the general homogeneity of the societal make-up helped. in contrast, it's quite normal to keep getting reminders of the need to steer clear of sensitive topics relating to, say, race and religion, and people don't feel comfortable with glbts. but well, we are progressing.

• and it's a huge place, relative to singapore, that is. i supposed the size mattered a lot. and this, perhaps was one major factor (apart from demography) that defined the differences between taipei/ taiwan and singapore. just look at my sentence, i had compared singapore with taipei and with taiwan... cos singapore's stark reality is that it is a city and a state.

it's a generally disorganized organized city, if you know what i mean. and that made taipei, and taiwan in general, a very interesting place to visit.

trip to taipei - day 4 outbound trip

i ended my taipei trip today.

woke up early, packed my stuff and left for the airport about 10-ish in the morning. my flight was 2.45pm and i was supposed to check in at 12.45pm. decided to give myself a lot of allowance as i navigated my way to the bus terminal. the bus journey itself was such a bore, no different from my inbound trip. when i reached the airport, i headed to the food court for my lunch and then i saw someone very familiar - the guy that was on the same plane as me when i came to taipei, the same one that travelled with the lady. he was dressed in the same clothes as the inbound trip except that he now donned a beret. anyway, it was not until later when i was at the check-in counter that he saw me. he looked surprised when he saw me and this time round, he gave me a half-smile. hmmmm... was that a "cruising-you"-smile or was that a "i-remember-we-were-on-the-same-flight"-smile? hahah... whatever the case, i returned his half-smile and joined the queue at the rear.

we didn't really meet until after we cleared the immigration and customs. i walked into the gatehold room and noted he was there with that lady friend. he was walking towards the toilet as i walked into the gatehold room, presumably to pee. once again, he was taken aback when he saw me and kept glancing at me as he entered the toilet. i pretended not to see him as i took my seat a few rows behind where he had placed his bags. when he emerged from the toilet, he went to his seat and sat facing me. again, i pretended not to see him although i knew he kept looking towards my direction. by then, i was quite certain he was cruising me. within 5 min, the announcement for boarding was made and i decided to take a leak before boarding. and guess what? less than 10sec after i walked in, he also entered the toilet! hmmm, and i thought he had just visited the toilet?! i had, by that time, completed peeing and was washing my hands. as for him, he stood at the urinal closest to me and just stared at me! anyway, i didn't respond and simply walked out. this whole "looking at me" aka cruising me openly lasted throughout the flight all the way back to singapore, even after we cleared the customs and walked out of the airport!

of cos, yours truly here felt flattered to be given such attention! 

:-)

trip to taipei - day 3 danshui

it was my third day in taipei and i had ran out of places to visit in taipei city itself. thus far, i had resisted visiting any saunas and it didn't make any sense for me to pay a visit to the sauna on this day too. really, if i had wanted to visit saunas, saturday and sunday nights would be more ideal, considering they had theme parties such as nude night, mask night, etc. once again, i googled "gay taipei" and this time round, i saw something that made me curious - gay nude beach near danshui.

i did another check on the weather forecast amd different sites mentioned different weathers - from cloudy to scattered thunderstorm. in the end, i decided to take a bet and headed off to danshui. this was one of the places i'd visit whenever i head to taipei. it was some distance from the city center itself and located at the river delta of northern taipei. the beach that caught my eye was shalun beach and it is located a short distance off the famous fisherman wharf.

i arrived at the danshui station about 12pm and it was very warm. got onto a local bus and in no time, i was at the fisherman wharf. from there, i navigated my way towards the shalun beach. head towards the end of the road, you will notice a lot of motorbikes parked there, walk into the trial and you will arrive at the beach, i remembered the directions mentioned in the web. everything was as described in the web and i arrived at the beach without much difficulties. what struck me when i first stepped onto the beach was that there were no hints of it being a gay haunt. in front of me lie a wide span of beach several km long and there were fishermen (and women), families, kids and for that matter, there was even a wedding shoot going on at a distance.

i walked further in and noted a sand wall with layer of vegetation nearer to the main road. it reminded me somewhat of the nudist beaches in florida. there were lotsa low wind-swept shrubs and amongst these wind-swept shrubs were little pockets of sandy patches. my intuition told me that this was where i could find gaymen. i saw little pathways leading into the vegetation and decided to walk into the vegetated areas. what i saw was so totally similar to what we had in fort road beach years ago. there was a labyrinth of paths inside the vegetation! i took a walk along the path and all too soon, a guy in bright orange g-string appeared and walked pass me! my intuition was right! no straight man would wear such swimwear much less, walk inside the vegetated areas. i walked on, and noted condom wrappers thrown onto the paths. these were tell-tales signs of sexual activities... 

i then walked out onto the sandy patches and within 2 minutes, i noticed heads popping out of the vegetation. i walked nearby and realised they were gaymen discreetly peeping from their little sandy patches, ever so careful about people approaching their little havens. it was really an eye-opener and somewhat surreal. gaymen tanning and frolicking in the sun, some in the nude, as families and children walked by just a short distance away. i decided against walking further and soon found my own spot where i just sat and watch people walked by. i didn't stay long and left after about an hour or so, i myself having gotten a nice tan.

it was indeed an interesting experience for me. there were so many similarities compared with the gay nudist beaches in florida, and of cos, the infamous fort road beach of singapore. and i am pretty sure the similarities/ convergence of characteristics has everything to do with factors related to the thrill of sex with strangers in the open amidst the lush greenery of the beach, and somewhere between voyeurism and exhibitionism. darned! thinking about it, i miss fort road beach!

:-)

trip to taipei - day 2 taipei city

i slept most of the day. only managed to leave the room at about 3pm.

i did a visual scan of the people around me in grindr and noted there were loads and loads of gaymen around the area. eye candies most of them but of cos, for this uncle here, i have no market value and thus could only ogle at the sweet young things in grindr. haha... but this was not gonna stop me from exploring gay taipei. did i google again of gay taipei and noted quite a few areas that gaymen frequent and decided to visit them.

so on this day, i walked all over the taipei city. and for once in my many 30-over times in taiwan, i did not enter any major shopping centers. instead, i decided i explored the areas less explored by tourists - gay spots, that is. once again, i walked around xmd belt and the little red house area. needed to grab a quick bite. and once done, i took the mrt to the 1914 cultural center. i timed it such that i arrived at the center about 7-plus. it was a nice creative place where there were lotsa young people mingling around, dancing, chatting, and just chilling out. there's this thing about taiwanese culture that one cannot find anywhere else. very chinese, yet very young and contemporary. it was a really energetic place.

i left the place around 8-ish and decided to walk to my next destination. it would be too early if i take the train, i reckoned. it was a slow 2km walk to daan forest park. this is a well-known park that was converted from a military camp and, over time, has become a gay cruising haunt, so i read from the web. when i arrived, there were many many joggers and families in the park. i guessed i was early but it didn't matter. it was a really good nice place to just sit, chill-out and people-watch. the weather averaged 22 degrees and it was really nice and best of all, there were no mozzies! and then soon enough, i began to see a couple of gay guys... as in everywhere else i know, gay guys are quite easy to spot. i am not sure if it's the local gay scene, but a few of them carried a water bottle as they walked - and it reminded me of fort road singapore! it was also interesting to see a potato queen walking with his caucasian friend (and they were very cute too!), complete with a pretentious american english slang! heh...

for some reasons, and unlike many gay cruising haunts, the few people i saw cruising there were in their 20s. very nice. i left the place about 10-ish and walked back to xmd area - it was a good long walk and passed by the chiang kai shek memorial, the presidential palace, the infamous 228 peace park (another gay cruising spot but i didn't stop by), before reaching xmd. walked a bit around xmd area again and ate some street food before heading back to my room. was totally dead beat by then. i had completed almost 14km that day...

trip to taipei - day 1 xmd

i arrived at taipei city at about 3pm. the bus journey itself was uninteresting. and as i was tired and sleepy, i ended up taking a quick nap. the bus journey ended at the taipei railway station and it started drizzling. i was surprise to find my google map actually working and navigated my way to the mrt. in no time, i arrived at xmd station and within 5min, i found my hotel. frankly, it's more of a walk-up apartment where all their rooms  were located on levels 5 and 6. mine a rather big room - it was a last minute deal - with a double bed and a single bed.

anyway, i quickly made my way out of the room and started my exploration. googled for gay places around me and started my exploration. walked around the areas around the little red house and saw quite a few shops with rainbow flags - bars, hairdressers, cafe for bears, two saunas, and so on. i didn't buy anything and simply people-watched. it was quite an interesting mix of crowd, considering there an open air fair that's going on at the same time and that attracted hordes of straight people and families. it started to drizzle once again and i decided to head back to my room for a nap.

it was about 7-ish when i walked out of my room. this time round, i decided to be a "normal tourist" and headed to the shilin night market. there was nothing gay about this place, just lots of people and everyone seemed curious about something and squeezing their ways through the small alleys lined with hawker stalls. these stalls sold anything from pig's blood to clothes and all sorts of accessories. i decided to just tugged into pineapples, beef cubes and cuttlefish... typical taiwanese stuff that all tourist will eat.

it was a tiring long day by the time i left shilin. arrived back at xmd at close to midnight and i decided to just stretch my night further. i went to watch captain america: civil war. heh... i must admit i contemplated heading to the sauna. after all, taipei is reputed to have some of the finest gay saunas in asia and from what i read in the web, saturday was nude night and it was mentioned in the web that one can expect cute young guys in the sauna! it was very tempting but i decided not to waste my money on saunas this time round.

i arrived back at my room about close to 3am...

trip to taipei - the inbound trip

i booked a place in ximending. wanted to explore the gay side of taipei and noted this is where most of the gay establishments are centered at. a quick google for "gay taipei" showed almost everything appearing in the xmd area...

my trip started interestingly. deliberately slept at 1am as i wanted to tire myself out. woke up at 5.30am was at the airport by 6.30am. as usual, i had my fillet-o-fish meal before boarding. was seated at row 14d by the aisle and thus was able to observe people as they boarded the plane. and all too soon, i saw two guys. not too tall and they look and behaved similarly. one of them looked rather cute, he reminded me of a young wangxi (wonghei) from hong kong - lean, tiny eyes... both had obviously been gymming, judging by how their biceps were bursting from their sleeves. and they were seated right in front of me! couldn't help but observe their every little movements during the trip. i think they are a couple, considering how one of them placed his head on the shoulder of the other at times.

anyway... another couple arrived. the lady looked normal, the type where you wouldn't be able to remember how she looked once you turned your head. comparatively, the guy was rather tall and well-groomed. i wondered if he's gay, that was my first thought when i saw him. they say across the aisle on my same row. i noted rather interestingly that the guy took the window seat instead of the lady. not very usual, right? they looked like a couple yet for some reasons, i don't think they were. there was totally no "couple" chemistry. instead, they reminded me of sia cabin crew, especially the guy (i suspected he's gay). i got my confirmation when we arrived at taoyuan airport. we were walking towards the immigration and i couldn't help but noticed how this guy deliberately walked behind the gay couple and as he walked, he kept visually scanning (and perhaps mentally raping them!). he was so obviously staring at them (esp the wangxi-lookalike) and literally moved his stare from head to toe and up again (roll eyes!), even as he kept his conversation with his lady friend. and when he saw the gay couple walked into the toilet, he quickly told the lady friend he needed to go too and before she could respond, he had gone into the toilet! haha...

this marked the start to my trip to taipei... with lots of time on my side, and being alone, i was able to notice things i had not noticed in my previous trips. indeed, there were lotsa eye candies, twinks, bears, cubs, jocks, etc. will write more soon...

trip to taipei - the decision

bee had yet again gone for business trip. this time, for a week plus to guangzhou and ningbo. and yet again, it coincided with a public holiday. 

so i decided to take my weekend overseas as i don't have anything to do in singapore. i will never need to visit my niece & nephew (despite missing them), and i don't want to stay through the long weekend alone at home... and for breaks overseas, the weather factor is very important to me - it must be cool, there's really no point going to another place where i don't feel i'm out of singapore. and judging from the weather forcasts, i didn't have much choice - cool but thunderstorns in hong kong and macau, scorching in chiangmai, sweltering hot in whole of malaysia, won't want to go guangzhou, and definitely not bangkok... darned! so i decided to head to taipei. there's some light drizzle but overall, forecasted to be nice and cooling.

to make the most of the long weekend, i applied for leave on tuesday too! thus, i have an extended 4-day break! 

:-)