putting up a front

i was an emotional wretched following the announcement of the changes in the org structure and that my title will be downgraded to that of a manager-grade staff. some of the reasons that made me so unhappy include:

• the person that i'll be reporting to is junior to me in terms of duration with company, age and experience. for that matter, when he first joined the sister company, the hod (who is now the new entity hod) asked me to help guide him along.

• a manager-grade staff in my department was promoted to senior manager. he was the person whom i had clashed with last year. he was a junior executive when i joined my company and he was promoted from junior executive to manager within the 3 years i was with my company. i had supported his promotion previously. with this change, in terms of positional title and seniority, he will now be above me.

• the people that were "promoted" as part of this integration (in particular, the above) have been my current boss' favourite persons or existing manager-grade staff of the sister company. i therefore assumed (rightly or otherwise) that my boss had played a role in negotiating who should be given the chance to take the lead role as part of this integration. i took it that he did not and had not bothered to negotiate for me to assume the lead position. 

• this review and announcement of the structure came at a time where we received our annual bonus payout and increment. i was once again told that i have been overpaid, underworked and thus cannot justify for an increment that commensurate national wage guidelines. and when i queried further, he simply said - i have tried to fight for you but this was top man's decision. i did not take his feedback too well as he had previously loaded with another colleague's work based on the same input - i.e. overpaid, underworked - and through the year after i took on this additional port folio, i had made immense improvements and changes to the areas i was loaded with. and the results showed.

amidst all these, when i returned to the office during my hospitalisation leave for the townhall, my boss did not talk to me. when i went to knock on his door to inform him i was back, he simply asked if i had been told of the details. i was not aware that i would be downgraded and had answered him "no". he kept quiet and left things as it was. with the announcement finally made, and the new hod telling me that her mind is fixed, i thought it would be useless to confront my boss. i simply ignore him. he is not worth my respect anymore. with the one plus year i had worked with him, i was clear he wouldn't help me. i can only expect him to say "i tried". interestingly, my staff (the one that my boss brought in and that i had all along seen him as my boss's eyes and ears on the ground) asked to speak with me about the integration. he talked about his displeasure of the restructure and how the sister company would be dictating most of the ways ahead. i had to counsel him about this integration despite my own unhappiness. but what's interesting was that he shared about how good my boss was and that i should be appreciative of him. he went on to add that i had misunderstood him, yadda yadda yadda. i didn't want to pursue the topic further. 

amidst all these developments that didn't go down well with me, i started getting messages from my colleagues from other department asking if i was ok, given the unfair treatment. i had to simply smile and tow the organisational line that our position titles need to be reviewed and aligned to the new organisation. admittedly, i was highly emotional after the announcement on thursday. with the few days behind me, i asked if my reaction to this downgrading was justified. my reflections are:

• it was my emotions that controlled me. was i justified to feel this way? perhaps. it was a natural reaction given that it was the direct hit on my ego. i felt humiliated, un-valued, and victimised. and objectively speaking, i believed things could have been better managed - from the review of the organisation structure to managing employees' feelings.

• a position title is a position title. i was emotional for the fact that favouritism seemed to have played a huge role in this review of structure and placement of staff. although i reconciled and acknowledged that relationship considerations would be needed to ensure smooth transition and organisational stability.

• there is a lack of trust between my new hod and i. and it is not unexpected. it only mean i need to work doubly, triply hard to gain her trust. but my issue now is - this whole process will be very tiring and painful considering the amount of efforts i had put on over the last 3 years to get the company to where it is today, and now i have to throw away everything and start things all over again.

it was interesting and apt for a fact that when i was at the temple to do the vesak day rites, i was reminded that desires and attachments translate to suffering and i must learn to let it go if i want to be happy. my attachment to titles and my attachment to my "face" had caused me all the sufferings. my reactions was a result of my ego and i need to let it go. objectively speaking and as reminded by some friends - smaller job scope, but same pay - so take it positively and move forward bravely. whatever the case may be, i need to ensure the transition process is smooth in the coming weeks/ months.

as far as i am concerned, my boss had failed me and now simply shirk away all the issues. in this integration, he has asked to be transferred to integration project office. with this development, he is no longer my boss and i have stopped asking him for directions. i am also very much aware that this current structure is not realistic nor sustainable, particularly from the internal equity point of view. in this regard, i can only expect to be asked to leave sooner or later. thus, i need to re-start my job search process. objectively speaking, it would be more important to invest my energies in my job search and in organisations that value me and where i can contribute better in the longer run rather than this new set-up. 

so... yeah, until the day i leave this company, i shall put up a strong front and do what i needed to do. be professional about it and make sure the ball don't drop during this transition period.