balancing act cny

annual chinese new years have always been great balancing acts for me since the passing of my dad in 2008. and it was even more so this year. had to do all these to manage my mum's mental health and family relationships in view of the different "factions" within the family and beyond. for this year...

managed to pay a visit to my critically ill uncle after lying to my mum that i would only be let off at 3pm on cny eve (for the record, i was let off at 12pm). i want to be able to see him before he leaves and to manage my relatives, i had to explain to them my considerations and challenges. my aunt seemed understanding (although i know she could possibly be a different person behind my back), but that is not for me to bother. as for my uncle, he remained in coma and had been placed on life support. i walked out of his icu room after about 2 minutes and once i emerged, the doctor, who was preparing to enter the room, asked me - erm, how come you did not wear a mask? hmmm... lol. accordingly, they suspected my uncle has tuberculosis and had been placed in an isolated room and that all persons entering the room was supposed to wear a n95 mask. let's hope i don't carry out any nasty stuff from that visit.

was able to head off to pay respects to my late-dad on cny eve after visiting my uncle. needed to do this for my mum and for my brother. my brother remained convinced that i did not take good care of my dad and contributed to his death and he also continued to be angry with my relatives (for all sorts of reasons). but like the above, that would be for him to manage. back to cny eve, i was rather tired by the afternoon frankly. but well, i managed to drive my way from the east to my brother's place, and then to the west-end of the island before heading back again to my brother's place for the reunion dinner. was dead beat by the time i reached home about 1030pm. i didn't bother to stay up late and headed to bed before midnight (traditionally, people believe that on cny eve, children should stay up as late as possible so that the parents will enjoy long life. i used to do that previously, but i was too tired this time round and... hey, my mum's 83yrs old! what more can i ask for right? lol!

managed to call my aunt to wish her well for the new year this morning. tried doing that yesterday but she wasn't home. and got through today while i locked myself in my room's toilet with the door closed. didn't want to make my mum suspect anything cos she (as influenced by my bro) has avoided interacting with any of my relatives. needed to do this basic respectful act as a member of the younger generation. it's the right thing to do.

have arranged for my second sis and my cousin to come early afternoon today. had earlier pondered how i could orchestrate their visits in view of the visits to my brother's place. so after some adjustments, my sis agreed to come on the second day instead of cny day one. made life so much more manageable.

so far so good. i have the weekend to go. hope to be able to find some me-time over the weekend. i would probably lie to my mum about visiting some bosses or something. excuses of visits to bosses has worked so far as she was of the impression that if i don't do so, i could face the possibility of offending my boss and getting the sack.

lol!