was so tired last night after clearing a report at 1am. and then i heard a "kaboomz" coming from my mum's room. felt something was not right and went over. opened the door and saw her spralled on the floor. she had a fall. helped her up. learned from her that she felt warm and wanted to take a shower, got up from bed and lost her balance. she seemed ok. told me to go to bed, which i did. she proceeded to have her shower by herself.
woke up earlier this morning as i had to conduct a course. saw my mum lying on the sofa and she was complaining of bad pains. asked to go to hospital. tried to get her to sit up but she couldn't. pain was too excruciating. i had to activate an ambulance in the end. as it was a non-emergency case, i called 1777. had to wait for an hour or so... in that hour of waiting. informed my brother, sisters etc. and next thing i know, i got a long string of smses from my brother scolding me for not taking care of my mum, and that he would hold me accountable if she dies, just like how i had to shoulder the blame for my dad's passing (for the record, he died of liver cancer), la la la... this hostility came out of no where. wasn't prepared for it. reminded me of how he hurled abuses at me once over a request to talk to my late dad.
despite being rather pissed off, i did not retaliate. instead, i asked him how i could improve my taking care of mum. and he couldn't answer. i was so sure he couldn't as it was precisely becos he gave up on mum that she ended up with me. anyway, he went something like, "let me tell you straight, you better take good care...". it went on for a few more smses. i did not know where he was coming from and didn't know how to respond other than "ok". and i asked him again, "if i had fallen short anywhere, please tell me where so i can improve". again, he couldn't answer. and i said - you should know the issues involved when it comes to taking care of mum - i wanted to remind him that taking care of an elderly who cannot think logically and who always says imaginary things to hurt people and relationship may not be the best thing to do. (i was hinting to him that he himself couldn't take her nonsense and wanted to get her out of his house into the mental asylum after she accused his wife of wanting to kill her, etc). he simply ignored me and told me he wanted to get back to work. we ended the conversation there.
my only guess was that he believed all the nonsensical things my mum told him. and god knows what kinda of false things my mum said (although i roughly can second guessed already - they must be things such as bee want to take the house from me, bee wanna harm her, bee's mother is after my wealth, etc). to put things straight, i will be very happy if someone can take over my house, at least, i will not need to foot that huge monthly loans, also i am living hand to mouth, house loan, car loan, mum's hefty medical bills, other bills, etc what kinda fucking wealth do i have? i cannot even afford to go for a holiday, not that i have been to one proper holiday for the last 3 years! damned!
very regretful indeed that a person at such age do not have the ability nor wisdom to think straight and cultivate harmony amongst her own children. very regretful to have someone who has been so consumed by her own past that she victimises everyone who takes care of her in the present day with her nonsense. no different from my dad when he was alive. all the family squabbles, misunderstandings, fights, etc were all becos the two of them say things without second thoughts of consequences. and worst still, either say things that are not true or say things to deliberately create a strife between thier children. if i can pinpoint a single reason about why me and my 3 other siblings all do not have good relationships, i would place them squarely on my parents. but i have to accept and move on. no point blaming. but certainly, to keep getting these kinda verbal abuses from my brother and all the nonsensical paranoia and drama from my mum is terrible. it is very very draining.
and i am feeling very very tired.
anyway, the ambulance came, mum got to the hospital, given painkillers, did some blood tests, x rays, etc... found to have injured and possibly broken her ribs. given painkillers and sent home.
woke up earlier this morning as i had to conduct a course. saw my mum lying on the sofa and she was complaining of bad pains. asked to go to hospital. tried to get her to sit up but she couldn't. pain was too excruciating. i had to activate an ambulance in the end. as it was a non-emergency case, i called 1777. had to wait for an hour or so... in that hour of waiting. informed my brother, sisters etc. and next thing i know, i got a long string of smses from my brother scolding me for not taking care of my mum, and that he would hold me accountable if she dies, just like how i had to shoulder the blame for my dad's passing (for the record, he died of liver cancer), la la la... this hostility came out of no where. wasn't prepared for it. reminded me of how he hurled abuses at me once over a request to talk to my late dad.
despite being rather pissed off, i did not retaliate. instead, i asked him how i could improve my taking care of mum. and he couldn't answer. i was so sure he couldn't as it was precisely becos he gave up on mum that she ended up with me. anyway, he went something like, "let me tell you straight, you better take good care...". it went on for a few more smses. i did not know where he was coming from and didn't know how to respond other than "ok". and i asked him again, "if i had fallen short anywhere, please tell me where so i can improve". again, he couldn't answer. and i said - you should know the issues involved when it comes to taking care of mum - i wanted to remind him that taking care of an elderly who cannot think logically and who always says imaginary things to hurt people and relationship may not be the best thing to do. (i was hinting to him that he himself couldn't take her nonsense and wanted to get her out of his house into the mental asylum after she accused his wife of wanting to kill her, etc). he simply ignored me and told me he wanted to get back to work. we ended the conversation there.
my only guess was that he believed all the nonsensical things my mum told him. and god knows what kinda of false things my mum said (although i roughly can second guessed already - they must be things such as bee want to take the house from me, bee wanna harm her, bee's mother is after my wealth, etc). to put things straight, i will be very happy if someone can take over my house, at least, i will not need to foot that huge monthly loans, also i am living hand to mouth, house loan, car loan, mum's hefty medical bills, other bills, etc what kinda fucking wealth do i have? i cannot even afford to go for a holiday, not that i have been to one proper holiday for the last 3 years! damned!
very regretful indeed that a person at such age do not have the ability nor wisdom to think straight and cultivate harmony amongst her own children. very regretful to have someone who has been so consumed by her own past that she victimises everyone who takes care of her in the present day with her nonsense. no different from my dad when he was alive. all the family squabbles, misunderstandings, fights, etc were all becos the two of them say things without second thoughts of consequences. and worst still, either say things that are not true or say things to deliberately create a strife between thier children. if i can pinpoint a single reason about why me and my 3 other siblings all do not have good relationships, i would place them squarely on my parents. but i have to accept and move on. no point blaming. but certainly, to keep getting these kinda verbal abuses from my brother and all the nonsensical paranoia and drama from my mum is terrible. it is very very draining.
and i am feeling very very tired.
anyway, the ambulance came, mum got to the hospital, given painkillers, did some blood tests, x rays, etc... found to have injured and possibly broken her ribs. given painkillers and sent home.
Hi, it's been a long time. Re your brother's accusation, think you handled it very well.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of the time when my dad was first diagnosed with 1st stage colorectal cancer, the same accusation from one of my brothers was hurled at my elder sis who helps my dad in his practice and takes care of my parents at the same time.
Sis poured out all her frustrations to me. Now when I think back, maybe my brother was the one who was pricked by his guilty conscience because he didn't care for my parents. Maybe his accusation was directed at himself, make sense?
Cheers, :)
Talking about saying the right things and cultivating harmony in the family, I share the same thoughts too.
ReplyDeleteMy parents are forever complaining about one son to another son, daughters-in-law to the daughters. It gives rise to a lot of misunderstanding and hostility amongst the family members. For me, I don't like to feel anger or disgust, especially if it concerns my family. It tires me out. I would rather focus on important things. Hence, it's one ear in and the other ear out for me.
My two elder brothers finally thrashed things out and reached a certain level of understanding at my third brother's wake and funeral. How sad, isn't it?
Recently I got upset because my SIL carried tales about me to my MIL and created a lot of tension and unhappiness. It was brought to my knowledge by my hb. My elder boy asked why I should prepare reunion dinner for them since they were so mean to me. I replied, "They are family."
Anyway, I have put the matter behind me and am at peace with myself and everybody. I want to be happy. Life's too short.
:)