conversations

had been exchanging smses with khoon seng earlier and will capture some of my thoughts here. our conversation went around many issues but there were a few that made me think a bit more. here's some...

• would you consider meeting up with your college friends whom you have lost contact more than 20 yrs ago? for me, a definite no. personally, i am not one to socialize. not very good at it and not one to enjoy such gatherings. and certainly, i do not want to end up joining a group of click who have their own depth of interactions. i may at best be treated with high levels of courtesy and pleasantries and at worst be seen to be an intruder. i've had my fair share of negative experience in this area. and whichever way, given my tendency towards intraversion, i am sure i will end up sitting at one corner trying to fit in. very uncomfortable. very unnatural feeling.
  

• he related how his neighbour had recently died and left behind 2 kids. he asked if i would consider adoption? my reply - gays are lesser human beings in singapore. even if want to, i can't. and i do really love kids! not in singapore. and if i may add on - in the eyes of the gahman here, being gay, i am not able to provide a `typical' family nucleus unit defined by a `father and a mother'. and if i may add, being gay, i am pre-judged to be immoral and that i am unable to therefore provide for a value-based growing environment of any child given my sexuality.

• he shared with me his thoughts about the kids and how death is a sad thing to happen. i agreed but frankly, i told him i am rather numbed about death already. yes, facing death is a very humbling experience. the first time might be rather upsetting and unsettling. but having personally stared at death pointblank a couple of times in recent years and seeing my dad, aunts, cousins, relatives, and a few of my friends, all one-by-one leaving me recently, i have been somewhat numbed by it. then again, i have come to deeply appreciate the transient nature of life. am not afraid of death. without death, life has no meaning. i have come to accept it.

it's interesting how my conversations with khoon seng always stretches on and on. it seemed like a very natural thing to do and at times, i suspect we both either do not know how to end or do not want to be the initiator to terminate the conversation if given a choice. whatever the case, it is good to be able to engage in a conversation with him, albeit via smses...