guardians of the galaxy vol 2

this was such an entertaining show. and its interesting for the fact that the story borders between science fiction and religion. but well, what worked for me for this movie was the fact that (1) there were a lot of songs from the 80s, (2) the crude, into-your-face, conversations, that touches your heart at times, (3) the strong acting, (4) the good looking casts, and of cos, the omg cuteness of groot!

enjoyed it lots!

no hk trip

this monday is labour day and thus, it's a long weekend. had planned to visit hong kong... made the decision sometime a couple of weeks back and had primed some of my hong kong friends about it. was looking forward to catch up with them. but it was not to be. checked the hotel prices and turned out that due to a major event being held there, the hotel price had tripled. and for a low-mid range hotel room, i had to pay some sgd400 per night.

this is too crazy. decided to give this trip a miss altogether. 

13th year

commemorated our 12th anniversary on 28 apr.

been 12 years already... (and for some unknown reasons, i kept thinking it had been more than 13 years..,)

gosh!

no penang trip

was supposed to head to penang with my ex-colleagues & bee over the last weekend to celebrate the birthday of one of them. we had planned for this trip for months. and after all the preparations, packing, etc.... it didn't happen. we didn't go in the end.

that morning itself, i got a call from bee. his mum couldn't breathe and had to be evacuated to the a&e. turned out - she had an anxiety attack. admittedly, i was angry. angry with how things turned out. it was a huge disappointment for me. i had looked forward to this trip so very much. it would be a good break for me after all the stress at work. and from the look of things, it looked like we will not be having any holiday soon. its vary frustrating cos for the longest time ever, i've tried to get him to go for a holiday with me. and every time it's a case of he cannot leave because of his work. and this time round, after months of planning, we finally managed to go for a weekend trip to penang and...

well, the penang trip did not happen.

wasted close to sgd900...

crazy work

work has been crazy...

reeeeeeally crazy. and to make things worst, i've got a highly dysfunctional team that comprise people who are not co-operative, people who are disillusioned, people who are so full of themselves, people who are so nonchalant, etc.... 

very challenging.

slipped disc

the doctor confirmed that i have slipped disk. but for now, theres no requirement to undergo any operations, he said, unless i wanted to. not a good sign. and with time, this can only get worst. 

haiz.

pop aye

caught this movie over the last weekend. it was an interesting show about the adventures of a man and his elephant. and if you were to look deeper into the story, it has a very strong buddhist slant, in my opinion. to me, this show is about life, about letting go, about self-discovery.

thoroughly enjoyed it.

cancer check

had a medical exam done and the doctor scheduled me for a colonoscopy. accordingly, this is advocated for men above 50 to detect possibility of colon cancer. the initial consultation to confirm i'm fit to undergo colonoscopy will be in jul 2017...

smurfs: the lost village

i had second thoughts before watching this. people around me, including bee, gave me the wet blanket and expressed things like - huh? smurfs? - when i asked if they wanted to watch it. so... yeah, you kinda guessed it. i went to watch the show alone. the cinema was near empty (i think i was one of the 2 or 3 people in the hall), but i didn't regret. i enjoyed the show. for the first time, the show gave depth to the background of how smurfette came about. and it was interesting cos after so many years, i never knew about this story. so... it came across as refreshing, and i actually liked it.

:-)

ah ma's red car

i had a very meaningful experience this afternoon. for that matter, i felt a little overwhelmed by how an old and frail elderly couple kept to each other, almost inseparable, and how the ah gong tried his best to seek medical help for ah ma. here's what happened.

i was at marine terrace earlier for my afternoon coffee. as i walked towards the coffee shop, i saw an elderly couple. they were probably in their mid-late 80s. both looked a little roundish, but frail. ah ma was on a wheelchair and ah gong stood at the back, hands on handles. they were at the linkway between two blocks and were hidden from the car park. as i walked towards them, they both smiled at me, the kind of gentle smile that we can only see in elderlies. and ah ma raised her hand slowly and called out to me in very soft voice - did u see a red car? the question came out of no where and i didn't understand what she meant. i walked towards her and moved my head down to her ears and asked - what red car? and she repeated softly red car as she looked at me, a little bewildered. i looked up at ah gong and he said - the red car that comes when we call 995.

my mind started racing. 995 is the number for medical emergencies in singapore. something must be wrong, i thought. i walked quickly out to the car park to see if there was an ambulance. the car park hidden away from the main road and where the couple stood was not visible from the car park. i walked back to the elderly couple. no, there wasn't an ambulance, i said. both of them looked worried but kept their half smiles. i told them to wait a while and i went to check again. i walked around the car park but there was just no ambulance in sight. when i got back, they had apparently gotten worried for they had also asked a few other passerby if they had seen a "red car". a few ignored them and walked off. i asked the ah gong if he recalled where he had directed the ambulance to. thankfully, he remembered and said "block 58". i walked out and looked up the block for the block number. it was block 59. oops...

i got worried for them and told them to wait while i walked out to the car park to check again. and to be sure there was indeed a call registered, i called 995. i spoke to the operator and explained the situation to him. thankfully they had their records and the operator told me their ambulance should be there within 5min. to be sure they get to the right location, the operator requested for me to help guide the ambulance when it arrives. i walked back to inform the elderly couple and they heaved a sigh of relief. i walked back to the car park and kept a look out as i kept visual contact with ah gong. when i saw the ambulance enter the car park, i waved at it frantically and managed to guide it to where i was. at the same time, i signalled for ah gong to push the wheel chair out. he had some difficulties  and i ran to him to assist. the whole feeling of pushing the wheelchair certainly felt so familiar. i had done the same for my own mum way too often back then. the memories just flashed by. 

the ambulance stopped and then we came faced with another issue. the ambulance attendants were all malay and the elderly couple spoke only mandarin. naturally, i became the translator. what happened? did you fall, did you experience chest pains, did you have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, heart issues, medical history, etc etc etc. and after taking down the notes, they said they needed to transfer ah ma onto the collapsible bed. no i cannot, said ah ma. my legs are painful. i cannot stand. no, no, i cannot stand. she said as she grabbed the handle of her wheelchair tightly. her words all sounded way too familiar to me. my own mum had said the same thing back then. instinctively, i turned to her and calmly explain to her that the attendants will help her. she looked at me, understood me and let go of her hands. she looked at me again and she tried to stand up, amidst some pains. the attendants came together like a drill and held onto her diapers, waist and her shoulder and eventually managed to place her onto the collapsible bed. all these while, ah gong stood and looked on. and then came another issue. 

uncle, you cannot bring the wheelchair along, the attendant said. you need to bring it home and we will wait for you here. it took a while for ah gong to understand. and ah ma was obviously getting very worried. where is he going, where am i going. will i be going alone... she asked as she kept straining her head forward to catch sight of ah gong. seeing her in this state, i quickly reach out to her, held her hand and explained to her slowly about the wheelchair. as i spoke with her, i looked into her eyes and noted the blur cloudy eyes so commonly seen amongst elderlies. ah ma, don't worry ok, ah gong is going to put the wheelchair home and he will come down and accompany you to the hospital. i had to repeat it a few times before she understood. after i calmed her down, i walked quickly up to the ah gong who had started to walk home as he gingerly pushed the wheelchair. ah gong himself looked so frail. it was heartbreaking. i walked alongside and assured him all's well and that ah ma will be in good hands. and as i spoke to him, he suddenly turned to me, and held my hands with both hands, looked me into my eyes and asked in chinese what's your surname (in chinese, we don't ask for names, we ask for surname). i want to thank you...

it was really very touching. 

love, in dollars and cents

i noted a very interesting conversation between a father and a daughter that sat beside me during lunch.

the daughter said something about her mum rejecting her offer to buy the family dinner once a week and to foot the car parking charges for the family car when she drives. the father smiled and in response, casually asked if she's gonna cover the petrol and whether she's also gonna get a cash card for her own use (for car parking)... the daughter's stared at the father and very quickly told the dad that he's pushing a bit too far. she added that if that's the case, she'd seriously reconsider buying dinner after all. she finished off by saying that the dinner would likely cost more that the petrol and the cash card, lalala...

i stopped listening at that point as my mind starting reflecting on this whole conversation. there were so many layers in this conversation that made me feel disturbed...

firstly, it was the transactional nature of this conversation. offering to contribute back to the family was so much simpler when i was younger. supporting me was something done without questions as what all parents would do and returning back was an act of gratitude that was done from the heart. it wasn't so transactional. it was just a case of me offering a certain amount of money to my mum from my pay to help with household expenses. no questions asked, no negotiation.

secondly, i pondered about the values inculcation journey of this young lady. in another words, did the parents actually bring her up well? we have here a young lady who went to the point to consider taking away a dinner because her dad suggested she also cover the petrol... i've never dared talk to my parents in such manner and tones. i deemed such responses disrespectful.

lastly, i asked if we, as a society, have reached a point where we become so materialistic - so much so that we have to be so calculative and go to this detail in accounting for expenses. and to stretch this thought further, have we inadvertently commoditised (to a small extend) the whole idea of relationship?

ok, i think too much. maybe the long and short of this was simply - a generation gap.

it's nice to just sit down and write.

:-)

stress-induced dream

i think it was because of my work stress that i ended up having this interesting and very intense dream last night. and i can kinda guess what this dream meant broadly. you see, out of the so many briefings i had to do and prepare, i was especially stressed out over a particular briefing. nonetheless, i was kinda cool about it and didn't too much a damned over the slides despite knowing it was something i should work on. my cool care-less attitude towards this particular briefing was because after i prepared the draft and presented to my department lead (as she had to lead this brief to a particular member of my top management), she kinda tore it apart yet couldn't really give any clear directions. and i sensed that even my department lead was trying to second guess what to present. and this was becos this top management person i'm supposed to brief is "unbriefable". almost everyone else i'd met thus far shared that regardless of how hard work i worked and what i prepare, i will still be torn apart by this particular top management person. apparently, she simply likes to scold people and make snide remarks just so she could tear people to pieces. and after hearing all these inputs, i started adopting this - "prepare also get killed, don't prepare also get killed, might as well just go in and get killed" - attitude. and i did so cos i wanted to channel my energies to the other briefings that i had to prepare too. i concluded it would be more productive this way... regardless, i was constantly irked and reminded at the back of my head that i have this lingering brief that i had not done enough of... anyway, here's my intense dream:

for some reasons i was in an old lorry (truck, to some), the type that was used often back in the 60's-70s, and it was driven by a tv actor (cannot recall his name, but this person is a small time local tv personality). he was driving the lorry through some rough terrain and i was a passenger in the lorry passenger seat. there was another person beside me - i don't know who but i can only say this was a familiar person as i knew his voice. we were heading home and the landscape was that of my grandparent's village back in the 60s-70s. 

we were on the dirt road when suddenly the driver took a detour and drove "cross-country". he started cutting through the grass patches, the metal yards (that had waste metal strewn all over), as he picked up speed. the voice beside me started screaming for the driver to slow down and demanded to know why he went off track and took a different road instead. the voice started sounding fearful and angry. as for me, i took it in stride. i knew the driver knew the road and his way around the area. i was confident he was taking a short cut as the route he took seemed familiar to me. 

as we picked up speed, the lorry began to rattle and bounced rather hard. we were after all, travelling cross-country and the grounds were highly uneven. soon, a river emerge and the lorry drove alongside the river. i recognised this river. it was located behind my grand parent's village. i looked into the water and there were many animals. the animals were all motionless and seemed to be frozen in time. amongst the animals was a white dog. it sat motionless with a pleasant looking smily face. it was submerged in the water and stared blankly into no where.

suddenly, the driver drove the lorry into the river. at such a high speed, the lorry crashed into and break the water surface and created quite a huge splash. it moved on towards the opposite bank. but before it could reach the bank, the lorry died. we were all submerged in the water and started sinking. at the moment, everything seemed to disappear and i was simply focused onto the dog. it was obviously dead and seemed to be frozen in time in the water. i reached out to it but it didn't move. it reminded me of sapphie although it wasn't. and next thing i knew, another dog appeared. it appeared to be struggling and swimming towards the bank. i reached out to it and it happily allowed me to embrace it as i carried it in my arms and walk towards the bank.

the dream ended there.

stressed

i've been so caught up with work so much these 2 weeks.

and it is all because this week alone, i have to attend/ prepare/ conduct 6-7 briefings to different members of my company's top management. and along the way, shit happened, my staff had to go on compassionate leave and i had to cover him, two of my staff went on scheduled leave and i had to cover them as well, and my boss-2-levels-up decided to do an impromptu activity in a workshop that required my immediate attention to develop the activity, prepare slides, develop materials, work out the logistics, draft the instructions, and... yeah, you kinda get the drift.

anyway, things have panned out rather ok so far. and without going into details, things kinda fell into place slowly. people helped, circumstances changed, meetings got postponed, new meetings were convened where people gave their inputs/ support, etc... i am almost through with this week. one more day and one more major event and i should be done for the week.

whew...

:-)

april fool's day

i was rather mad with one of my ex-colleague who texted the group (that i am quite close to) expressing shock about her "pregnancy". of cos a few of us got worried as we had been cautioning her about her new relationship with this australian  man (whom she had just gotten to know)... 

and as the title had already indicated, it turned out to be an april fool's joke. seriously, one should never play such jokes on people who truly care for you. it is nothing short of cruel. and it wears down the trust people have in you. 

seriously...

power rangers

have never been a power ranger fan. but still i decided i should watch this show and yeah, i enjoyed it tremendously. i supposed it was the whole escape from the current reality that this show provided me with. had been stressed by lotsa stuff lately. that would be another story altogether. anyway, this show didn't steer too far away from what i knew of power rangers - there are several of them and one of them turned bad and they (the good ones) had to go into battle with it (can be him or her, depending on which series...).

should watch it if you have not.

self-interest

when it comes to people, the only thing that is constant in this whole world is - self-interest.

i had this little debate with my friends earlier and i made this point just to tickle their thinking process. so far, none of them can proof me otherwise. my argument is that in everything that a person does, the motivation can always be traced to his/ her own self-interest. do you agree? another area that i tried to tease their thinking include - "you cannot survive on hope. there is a fine line between hope and delusion"... agree?

i am such a ,u@#r0*&%^w4re*%^....

lol!

心猿意馬

i was reading a forum for gay men this morning when i noted a topic about "actors you wanna have fun with" or something along this line. looked inside and someone gushed about the gay sex scene in this movie. i thought it was interesting for a fact that many of the actors in the show are rather famous. in no time, i was hooked onto it. it was an old hong kong production, probably in the early 2000s.

the title "心猿意马" can be roughly translated as: "a heart like a capering monkey and a mind like a galloping horse -- restless; be prone to outside attractions; fanciful and fickle; harbor monkey-feelings and horse-thoughts; in a restless and jumpy mood; one's heart is agile as an ape and one's thoughts swift as a horse.; one who can't settle down to his job; perturbed; the heart of an ape and the mind of a horse; with one's mind running wild; when one meant gibbon, he thinks of a horse -- wavering in purpose.; restless and whimsical; unsettled [fickle] in mind"... you get the idea.

the show depicted 3 parallel stories involving a cat-3 actress, a straight couple, a gay pick up, and a pilot and spans the duration of one night. quite a bit of flesh, but sex scenes aside, i thought the show really brought across the whole idea of fleeting desires - how couples and individuals handle love and lust, and how they lie to each other even as they play outside the relationship. and what i liked about the show was that it touched on both gay and straight relationships. 

do watch it, and make sure you watch the full show till the last couple of minutes to fully appreciate the fleeting nature of desires.

translation from http://eng.ichacha.net/心猿意马.html 

4d

i walked pass the singapore pools shop yesterday and decided to buy 4d. 4d is the singapore version of public lottery and there are 3 draw days per week. the purchase was just that spontaneous and despite the objective side of me saying i would probably end up throwing my money away, i decided to just take a chance out of fun and just proceed to buy. heh heh...

let's see my luck for today and this coming wednesday.

loneliness

these days after mum left, i find myself often feeling lonely often. i would wake up on weekends, lie in bed or on the sofa and just refused to get up. there are just no motivation to get up and go out of the house. and even if i managed to drag myself out of the house, i do often end up moving from point a to point b rather aimlessly. perhaps i am lazy, but there is really no one that i want to spend time with (it's just too much effort), etc... as for bee, i really hope he can be around but i have come to the point where i told myself i cannot have any expectations. he has his preoccupations - his mum, his work, etc. and even if he has time, i think he prefers to laze in his own place.

hmmm... and it is times like these that i pondered if there was some wisdom in mum's constant nagging - "you must get married and have children, else when you are old, there'll not be anyone to look after you..." of cos, i know these are not possible if it is read from a straight perspective. but yeah... just cannot but think about her words.

anyway, here i am, having just finished my forest hike and sitting in a coffee shop drinking my afternoon coffee. i am simply wilding my time away, resting and at the same time aimlessly reading the malay signs that scroll endlessly in front of me - nasi goreng ikan masin, nasi goreng ikan bilis, kangkung belachan, mee rebus, mee soto, mee siam, mee bandung, mee hong kong, mee hailam, mee goreng thai...

:-)

backache

i suffer from chronic backache and would experience back sprains almost every 2 years. the last major attack i had was last jul. it occurred early in the morning when i went for my morning walks where i felt a slight click on my lower back when i tried to bend down to pick something from the floor. it quickly developed into a bad back and it got worst with time. at its peak, i couldn't stand nor sit properly and had to hold onto things to stabilise myself. thankfully, that superbly painful period was over. but the lingering pain persisted till today. 

i had managed this pain by doing my regular walks and going for my chiropractic treatments. unlike previous occasions where the back would recover after a week or two, the pain continued this time round. it got me worried enough to seek professional help. the specialist i saw 2 months back suspected it could be due to an annular tear but needed to put me through an x-ray and an mri before he can be sure if it was the case. he also referred me to the physiotherapist to help strengthen my back.

the physiotherapist saw me last month. and he assessed that it was due to weak muscles instead of an annular tear given that the pain had subsided quite a bit. and he also taught me some basic exercises to strengthen my back. i went for the x-ray and the mri scan this morning and will be seeing the doctor next week. let's see what he says...

:-)

john

i first met john at the pool many years back when i was still serving the force. it must have been about 10 years? there's something very different about him that made me remember him - he has a beard. not very common for a chinese. after seeing him a couple of times at the pool, i didn't get to see him again as i stopped going to the pool eventually. i forgot about him altogether after that.

fast forward to about two years ago, i chanced upon him at katong pool again. and since then, i had seen him quite frequently. each time i see him, he would give me that "you look familiar" kinda look. and each time we meet, i would smile at him and he would reciprocate. and all these while, i didn't have the chance to talk to him as we were a distance away. moreover, i am not one to approach people. but last week, things changed. it was during my off day when i decided to head to the pool for a tan. 

i had just changed up after my shower when he walked into the toilet. his entrance took me by surprise. as usual, i smiled at him and he reciprocated. it was then that i thought that perhaps i should just muster my courage and speak to him. and after some initial pleasantries, i asked if he'd like to keep in touch. it had been over a decade and i told myself it was then or never. frankly, i felt really shy doing it and quickly retracted when he paused and showed some hesitance. well, it's ok, thanks, i said and wanted to leave. but after some momentary silence, he agreed and gave it to me. those moments were superbly awkward for me. anyway...

yeah, am glad i've got a new friend. 

:-)

rejecting an applicant

there was an internal staff who applied for a job in my department. she was desperate to find a job as the project she is currently supporting is coming to an end and once that happens, she'll go jobless. and while she was offered another position with another project, she didn't feel good about it as it was a 2-year stint. but as i do not have the necessary position for her, i told the talent acquisition team to reject her. i also thought it was not very nice to simply reject her, and so i asked to meet up with this staff...

in the end, i spend some 90min chatting with her to explain why i didn't accept her application. and went into my career coaching mode and asked her to consider accepting the short term job as she keep her her options open. i even shared with her how to prepare her resume. am glad that she walked out of the conversation feeling energised and raring to go.

glad i could help her see things a little differently.

confirmation

my boss came to my desk yesterday and asked to speak with me in private. got me worried for a moment. it turned out that she wanted to tell me the big boss is happy with me and has signed my confirmation letter, so... don't be surprised when someone come and hand over a confirmation letter to you k? she said.

time flies right?

:-)

"reservist"

i had a weird dream last night.

i dreamed i was called back for reservist and the unit i was posted to was (now get this) my previous employer. and there i was, with my current colleague at the start of the dream but as it went on, i had to walk through a river and suddenly i found myself sitting in my previous office desk working. the vp hr was seated behind me and i didn't give a damn to her presence and continued to do what i needed to do. and in the dream, one other colleague (who had also resigned) was also working in the office. and the next thing i knew, i found myself laid on a bed (of sorts) and trying to change my pants. i was conscious that i was changing in front of my colleagues and felt a little exposed but still i continued changing. i couldn't give a shit about people's presence. 

weird dream... 

kong: the skull island

this was an interesting show and for some reasons or other, i ended up watching it twice over this weekend. heh. anyway, it deviated from the usual traditional "king kong" show where a giant gorilla christened "kong" went to ny city - the famous king kong on empire state building image that we are all so familiar with. perhaps this show has nothing to do with ny city or the empire state building. it was about a giant gorilla that lived on an island somewhere in the pacific, and how man intruded it's peace and attempted to take control of the island (on the pretext of some scientific experiment).  i suspect it had leverage on the name "kong" to get the attention it needed. 

but yeah, i would perhaps interpret the show as one that illustrates, once again, man's insecurities, greed and want to take control over the world. lines such as "he is not the killer, he is just protecting his land... (or something to that effect) puts in perspective the behaviour of this gorilla. the sad thing is that this gorilla is, by sheer laws of nature, doomed as his parents had been killed, and he is but the only giant gorilla left on the island. sad to think of it this way. really. don't you think so...

i missed the closing trailer and from what i read in the internet, it looked like there'll be a sequel to this show - something about kong and godzilla. kinda interesting if i were to take a step back and see things in perspective. end of x-men, start of new avengers movies, start of giant animals and perhaps even a 4-part sequel to avatar in the works...

nice. 

logan

it was a superbly intense movie. the initial scenes felt somewhat depressing, particularly when it showed the main x-men characters so down and broken - an old nonagenarian charles xavier who's incapacitated, a logan that's probably in his 60s and constantly being beaten up, and instead of the shiny futuristics looking hideout, they now live in a shabby-looking farmhouse, not to mentioned, professor xavier being kept in a collapsed water tank. sad right? these scenes are not something we have been used to. but yeah, that was the scenes we get in this movie. and the fights were so gory it reminded me of the movie 300. heads get blown off, hands and legs get chopped off, blood splattering all over the place... ewwww...

but yeah, with the death of wolverine, this show perhaps closes the whole series of x-men movies that had run for the pass decade or so. and who knows, the next series of mutants that's gonna come will make reference to this as the beginning. 

we'll see...

$5.95

i was at the mall checking out places for dinner and as i checked out the menu at yoshinoya, the auntie waitress came up and said: you can get a meal for $5.95 if you're a senior citizen...

i walked away after that. should i feel offended?

lol!

mindfulness

or the lack of it...

seemed to be getting less mindful these days. just minutes ago, i washed my hair with my body foam. and i only realized it when i thought it didn't smell right.

haiz...

girlfriend vs boyfriend

a quick reflection after hearing what a course facilitator said (she who spoke freely about going out with her girlfriend and their experiences)...

when a girl says i went out for dinner with my girlfriend, it sounds less salah (wrong) than when a guy says i went out for dinner with my boyfriend. a guy that says that would have attracted a lot of awkward stares and be subjected to teasing and/ or bullying. at worst, he could even be ostracized by people around him. it boils down to homophobia, social attitudes towards and expectations of different gender, culture...

it's not about whether it is fair or not. it just is.

and on a side note, and similarly related to the above:

amongst gay men, there is a higher tendency to want to stereotype or identify oneself as top, bottom or flex. terms like gurlfriend, sistar, gurls are commonly used to depict the feminine side (although it also commonly reference to the individual's role in bed) amongst gay men. this is in contrast to lesbians who tend to be less hung up over such role-related terms.

resume writing

went through another resume and rewrote it. this time round, it was my niece's resume. she texted me and told me she failed to land any interviews despite sending out her resume to many different companies. so i told her to forward me her resume to take a look. and... yup, rather amateurish.

she did not give a summary of herself and her professional experience came across as trying too hard as she listed a-z of everything she did. i thought it was not necessary and just needed to write something concise yet captures the gist of what she did. the rest could be elaborated during the interview. so, i rewrote the whole resume for her. her's was interesting cos it was the first time i see a resume that listed key achievements by themes instead of employment (career history). i supposed it made sense for her, she's in the legal field...

learned something new.

sword art online - ordinal scale

augmented reality vs virtual reality games... or really? evil plot behind the games... the synopsis went something like that. and i thought it was interesting and booked the tickets for it. it didn't occur to me until after the show that this story was released in 2009 and there was even a 25-episode anime series after that. and to think that this story was written in 2009 suggests that japan is really ahead of time in technology! i wasn't disappointed. despite the slow start, the pace of the show picked up very fast. the toggling between current, augmented and virtual reality didn't confuse me after awhile. 

very nice!

helping someone in distress

this week, i learned from an ex-colleague that one of the senior cabin crew from my previous company would be demoted and that her allowances would be taken away from her. and as allowances formed a huge part of their salary structure, this senior crew would likely end up with a drastic pay cut. she was in a state of shock and had been crying for several days. i also learned that she had gone on to simply apply for any jobs that came by, even superbly junior ones. i could only conclude she was desperate to get out of the company and that she was simply grabbing anything that came by. very rash, not good for her career.

anyway, this development was, to a large extend, the aftermath of the merger that the company went through last year. you see, before merger, crew administration and discipline management was undertaken by ground management staff. cabin crews were mainly executing the operations, namely providing inflight services and ensuring passenger safety and senior cabin crews' responsibilities focused on coaching and getting their team to deliver performance. but after the merger, the responsibilities of crew administration and discipline management was transferred to senior crews. this was on top of the responsibilities that they previously had. well, this change was done in an effort to standardise the practices of the both entities. but this alignment created a lot of stress on the senior crews as they were not trained for it, nor do they have the aptitude for it. nonetheless, all of them took on the roles (they have no choice) and i could see many working very hard to learn the ropes. 

what happened was that one of the senior crew who had been with the company for close to 12-years was called up and told that her performance in crew management didn't meet up to their expectations. as such, she would be removed and that she would be demoted to the grade no different from that of a junior crew. this was a huge blow to her, considering she had been performing very well as a senior cabin crew before the merger. sensing distress, i asked for her contact and whatsapped her. when i finally got to her, she told me she was just a lowly crew in the company hierarchy and could not really do anything about it. advised her not to degrade herself and that what had happened was simply a case of job mismatch following the merger and if that was the case, she should just move on. the company didn't deserve her, frankly. that managed to cheer her up a bit. 

and i promised i'll help her with her career transition but for now, she should just accept whatever decision and just do what is expected. never leave your job before you found a new one and never be rash to make decision that she might regret in future. i have since asked her to send me her resume so that i could help make it sound more professional. and when i read her resume, i must say it was really bad. then again, i had expected so cos she had been with the company for close to 12 years and looking for jobs was something foreign to her. for that matter, even her email name sound terribly inappropriate for a resume! had to advice her to apply for a new email account and to adopt a more neutral sounding name. and so, i spend the whole of today re-writing her resume. had to correct her resume structure, sentence structure, grammar, etc. and also, rewrote her cover letter for her.

let's hope her job search goes smoothly.

karaoke

my ex-colleagues organised a dinner and a karaoke session last evening to celebrate a birthday for one of them. it had been such a long time since we went to the karaoke and everyone were really spontaneous and crazy through the night. it was such a great way to end the work week! 

speaking to my nephew

i called my maid to arrange for her to pick her luggage. it so happened that when i called, she had just picked my nephew up from his school and she passed the phone to him. he was crying when i spoke with him but was able to address me and answered some of my questions. he refused to talk further after a while and passed the phone back to the maid.

in the conversation, i thought he sounded far away and that the connection i had with him had been lost. it saddens me. then again, when the maid took over the phone, she explained that he was not in a good mood and was crying due to some activities in school that he didn't like but had to participate (didn't catch what she said but i think it was something to do with cleaning). whatever the case, i reminded myself that over time he will forget about me and that i should just move on.

while i thanked the maid for letting me talk to him, i was also scared that she might get into trouble if my nephew will talk about it. she had done something that she knew would get her into trouble. but i supposed it was because she was going home that she took the risk. anyway, i have not heard anything from her os far and i assumed everything went well.

maid last day

my maid had informed me that she will collect the luggage bag during tuesday this week. but in the end, she couldn't as my brother kept changing his mind about when he could drive her to my place. sensing uneasiness on the part of the maid, i decided to just send the luggage to her after work. when i arrived closed to 9.30pm monday, my brother and his wife was not home. i waited for the maid at the car park and asked her to collect it from me.

today is her last day. i supposed she knew it would be the last time i will be getting any news about my nephew and niece (she's my main source of info all these months) for she whatsapped me many photos and videos of the children. i simply thanked her for it. she leaves tomorrow at 7.20am and i will not be sending her off as my brother will be driving her there. i simply texted her to wish her well and to thank her again for taking very good care of my late-mum and my brother's children.

plans approved

the department finally got the plans for the coming year approved. all the handwork and preparations over the past 2 months has finally paid off. the comments from the top management, to my understanding, was rather positive. with the approval, this is where the hard part comes in - to be able to work out in specific details all the tasks and the budget and to set the key performance indicators for everyone. this is the hard part in my opinion cos it will require the whole team to come in to align shared kpis. anyway, lets take a step at a time. 

it was interesting that my boss emailed me and told me that i needed to pace myself. and this was when i told her i will head back to office to deliver an opening address for a course that will be conducted this coming monday (when both of us have applied for leave). reading between the lines, i think she is afraid that i might burn myself out. thats very nice of her i thought.

50 days

today is the 50th day of my new employment. actually, i wouldn't have realised it if not for the fact that during lunch, my staff joked and asked if i had reached my 100th day. heh...

time flies.

maid returning

my maid came to visit me for the last time today.

she will be returning to myanmar for good next sunday. i hired her to look after my mum and she joined the family on 19 dec 2013. she went through 2 hellish year with me looking after mum. and i renewed her contract just a month before it expired. mum passed away two weeks after her contract renewal was approved. following mum's passing, she went on to work for my brother. i continued paying her her salary all these while. it had been more than a year since. i recalled the long period i took to convince mum to get a maid. and i remembered vividly the first day when i went to pick her up form the agency. we brought her out to bedok market for her first meal - chicken rice. haha... on her second day with us, we met with an accident when i drove mum to parkway... all these memories are still fresh in my mind. we laughed when we talked about it earlier.

she departs this sunday morning. and i gave her my large luggage bag to pack her things. today is her payday and she had withdrawn the monies from the bank. managed to close her bank account this afternoon. thankfully, i remembered to give her her one additional week of salary given her additional work week (her last day will be this saturday). she had earlier refused this week's pay as she said she felt bad taking my monies all these while while working for my brother. told her it wasn't for her to worry. i had all along taken it as a contribution to my niece and nephew's upbringing. anyway, before she left, she walked over to the urn containing sapphie's ashes and bade it farewell. it was a little funny (and touching too) when she said "sapphie, bye bye". her eyes welled up with tears as she did so.

i drove her to the train station, and i gave her a $200 ang pow. all things being equal, she did a very good job looking after mum. and for that, i will always be grateful to her. i reminded her to let go of all misforgivings that she might have and to always look forward and be happy. i wish her well. her departure brings to a close another chapter of my life. 

niece & nephew

my maid visited me today and shared quite a bit about my niece and nephew. they still remember me! it's been almost a year since i last contacted them and they both remembered the times we played together and would at times reminisce those moments!

but sadly, for my niece, she has learned to keep quiet and not talk about me. this was so becos whenever she mentioned about me, she'd get a scolding from my brother. other than that, she has grown up well and is now in primary one. as for my nephew, he still talks about me and when his father chide him for that, he would defend me. so funny right? haha... but whenever he did so, my brother would threaten to chase him out of the house and tell him to come live with me. this would send him crying. to a 4-year old kid, being thrown out of the house would be terribly traumatic. and i wondered why the hell my brother would resort to such threats.

my maid also shared a couple of other things with me. my brother continues to constantly demonise me in front of his kids. he would blame me for every thing bad that happened in the family while at the same time attribute all good things to himself. and he always complained that nobody in the family bother to visit the columbarium to pay respects to my parents. i just simply shook my head and kept quiet. those are his opinions and he is entitled to it. it didn't matter to me.

i also learned one interesting thing - that my brother and his wife also feared that one day, my nephew would leave home and come to stay with me (weird right? considering he always threaten my nephew to throw him out of the house). and the fear arose from the many habits they are seeing of my nephew and traits that reminded my brother of me. for example, my nephew would be very nice and greet people (strangers) when he meets them in the lift. he would also bid them good bye when he walks out of the lift... top of it all, my nephew looks more and more like me with time. 

lol!

ps: but seriously, i hope my brother doesn't transfer his negative feelings about me towards his son. i think it is unlikely but i cannot predict my brothers' behaviour once he gets angry. 

nude tanning

recently, i found a place that is very conducive to nude tanning. nice quiet and very isolated. beautiful place. reminds me so much of the good old fort road beach days.

:-)

dinner with relatives

i had a good dinner with my paternal-side relatives last week after the close of the chinese new year celebrations.  

about 15-16 of them turned up and the youngest was no more than 6 years old - my cousins' grandson. it was so rare to have such a dinner than spanned 4 generations. and if i recalled correctly, the last time we met up was 2 years ago. there were lotsa catching up. and this time round, what was most interesting was the fact that amidst all the complaints (about this or that person, etc), most acknowledged that each family has their own issues to deal with and that we should just accept such things happen, not judge and move on. this was so different from previous times where everyone would offer their own judgments and at times turned such dinners a little toxic. i guessed many of us (myself included) have matured with age.

but what's sad for me this time round was that one of my aunts, who's now in her 70s has started showing signs of mental illness. i suspect it was the onset of dementia although her husband and son (my uncle and cousin respectively) believed it to be worst than that. from their description, it seemed like she's showing signs of delusion and paranoia. last year, she accused my cousin's wife of stealing things in the house. it got to the point where my cousin's wife feared going home. and this year, her condition has deteriorated to the point where she daily screams and hurls abusive words towards their neighbours, accusing them of all sorts of unpleasant things. she even went all over the estate to tell her friends about the neighbours' "misdeeds". this behaviour has caused much stress to my uncle. he has been going around apologising and explaining to people about her medical condition and that many of the things she said were not real (untrue). 

i can understand the stress they are facing. i shared with them that some of those behaviours were similar to what my mum displayed in her latter years. it was good to share with my cousins tips of how to take care of elderly with such mental issues. interestingly, it dawned upon them (my uncle and my cousins) that many of the things they heard about me were untrue. and my uncle even commented that he now knew how much i went through when i looked after my mum. i had not expected such conclusions from them but well, i was glad they did nonetheless. 

new bedding set

finally committed to a new set of mattress protector, quilt, quilt covers, pillow cases, bolster case etc. and it felt good on the body. but i have not gotten used to it. although the material is silky to touch, it was a little warm and made me wake up a couple of times through the night... then again, this wasn't the main reasons why i woke up in the middle of the night. i had lots of interesting dreams too...

:-)

homosexuality: it's about survival - not sex

never fail to learn something new from ted series. some phrases that caught my attention:

• homosexuality is not about sex, it's about survival
• survival of the fittest family and not survival of the fittest individuals
• snuggle for existence & not struggle for existence
• homosexuality is about altruism
• a society that discriminates homosexuality harms itself
• tend to be intelligent, particularly about emotional intelligence
• gay male tend to be more compassionate
• diversity is nature's secret problem
• etc 

too many...

the lego batman movie

it was a hilarious movie. didn't expect too much when i booked the show. frankly, i was feeling very pissed when i went to book the movie ticket. never mind the reasons for feeling pissed but it didn't do me good for the fact that i was not feeling too well too and had to struggle to keep awake during parts of the show. but yeah, i walked into the cinema and i had a good time. there were lotsa corny jokes and whacky lines. i especially like the way the show dealt with the emo side of batman and how it successfully brought out the very personal (and often childish) side of batman.

:-)

ps: the super inflated ego of batman kinda remind me of the current potus.

floooo...

i feel a flu coming. and it's been dragging for many days. and with each passing day, the whole body seemed to feel slightly worst but the flu is still not full blown. totally dislike this feeling. had been coughing rather violently for the last 2-3 weeks. last week, my mouth started showing sighs of mouth ulcers. then the body aches are appearing and my throat started hurting. and 2 days ago, i have hay fever... yet, i don't have full blown flu...

it's very uncomfortable. went to the company doctor who gave me some medication to ease the symptoms. you know these medicine cannot cure you right? she said. errrr... ok. i answered, half wondering what the hell was she there for. woke up today with a totally bad throat and almost lost my voice. so i went to my family gp and he gave me a course of antibiotics. i'll give you a days' medical rest tomorrow. use it if you need to, he said. and here i am, half-dead and resting in bed after taking the medicine. 

let's hope i recover well enough to chair a meeting tomorrow. might just come home after lunch to rest. let's see how things go.

exercise routine (the lack of it)

it is already coming to mid-feb and i have not come to a comfortable daily exercise routine. you see, my daily routine would be something like going to work at 7-ish in the morning and coming back feeling all exhausted late evening. and by the time i come back, it would usually be 9-ish or 10-ish. and i would be so exhausted i'd just shower and then collapse in bed. i need to find a way to do my exercise. otherwise, i'm just gonna get bigger and bigger around my waist. 

arghhh...

hectic week (again)

looks like the title of my blog is gonna look the same every week. but hey, it's hectic in different sense. this week was a little more productive. productive in that i got my hands dirty and took control of some issues. but this cannot go on indefinitely or i'll get totally burned out. here're some of my thoughts.

i have a very hardworking team. but alas, when it comes to planning, there was a lot left to be desired. previously, i attended several meetings and during those meetings, i got other hods telling my staff off in front of me that they were useless and that they (the hods themselves or their staff) were doing their (my staff) work for them. it didn't feel good to have people scold my staff like that. and this week, a meeting was convened to discuss some manpower build-up plan to support a project that has a 3-5 year timeline. in anticipation of something like this happening again, i decided to deep dive and get my hands dirty. i instructed my staff to work out a plan and to discuss it with me. but when she came back with the plan, i flipped. she simply called the line to get the numbers they need to the next 1 year and presented these numbers to me. this was not acceptable! i wondered if she really understood the requirement! anyway, i got into my coaching mode and explained how things should be done but she stared at me with a blank face and insisted that what she did was what was required as that was what the line gave her. i decided i will do the framing after a few failed attempts to explain to her about the requirements. i concluded it would be too much for her in the end. 

and that was when i realised what the other hods meant. quite a few of my staff are incapable of doing future planning. they could only collate data for the immediate one year and execute it. what this also meant is that their thought processes are very short term. and as a result, they were highly reactive to demands. to me, this is very scary, considering these people are senior managers! i do expect senior managers to be able to do strategic planning and to develop future plans easily. i personally do not think this is difficult. all one needs to do is to adopt a project management approach to manpower planning, state the assumptions and then project the needs according to the business plan timeline. looks like there's a lot to be done moving ahead. my colleagues came to me and told me that some of my people have been like that for many years. it got me wondering why the management had not done anything about it. if they are really incompetent, they should have been managed out early. but well, since i've inherited such a team, i'll just give everyone a chance. coach as much as i can, and if they really cannot deliver, i'll just have to manage them out in time to come.

arghhh...

end of ns obligations

i've finally received a letter from the ministry of defence informing me that i have completed my national service liability and that i will no longer be liable to be called back for in-camp training. this new status took effect when i reached my 50th birthday last year. moving ahead, i will no longer be required to apply for any exit permit if i were to go out of country for an extended period of time.

congratulations?

:-)

cny visit to boss's place

i don't celebrate cny and i don't do any house visits. but i need to be pragmatic about things. my current big boss invited all management staff to her place today and rather than tell all the long stories, i decided to just drop in. not too nice not to show face and be too stubborn about me not celebrating cny, especially when i have just joined the company. so... and as to be expected, there were many many people. i didn't feel comfortable as i didn't know almost all of them. but i played along and just smiled and say my hellos, had some food and left once people started leaving. didn't like such gatherings, especially when there are people i don't know. but yeah, just need to get it over and done with. 

journey to the west 2: the demon strikes back

watched this in cantonese when i was in hk over the chinese new year weekend and again over this weekend, except that it was in chinese. i personally find the cantonese version funnier. thought it was an interesting movie that makes one laugh through all the very corny jokes - very stephen chow. but beneath the jokes, there were a lot of buddhist lessons - about human nature, about greed, about attachments, etc. enjoyed it lots.

very good effects too.

bravo!