anxiety

i went for a std/ hiv blood test last week and the doctor told me he wanted to see me personally to give me the results. it's rather personal and i would like to share the results with you face-to-face, he said. before i left, the clinic assistant told me the laboratory will send them the results by monday latest and that i could visit the clinic on tuesday evening. i left the clinic feeling somewhat nervous. as the days pass, the feeling of anxiety started to build up. this despite the fact that i had taken the test before (but that was years ago when i retired from the force). at that time, the collection of my results coincided with my pre-retirement health check and given my anxiety, the medic couldn't get any blood pressure nor pulse check done properly. i felt somewhat similar this time round. what if... i kept thinking. 

i didn't head back to collect the results on tuesday as i had to work late and had dinner plans. and on wednesday, the clinic was closed in the evening. so, came thursday and i made a trip down to the clinic after work. nervously, i registered myself and was given a queue number. during this wait, i was extra sensitive to everything around me - why did the clinic assistant talk to me using that tone, why did she look at me that way... all sorts of scenarios went through my head. the few minutes wait was torturous. i decided to look onto the floor and just ignore everything. next thing i knew, the clinic assistant came up to me, erm, i am sorry, your results is still not out. we are not sure why, but we called the clinic and they said it is not ready. we'll call them again tomorrow and keep you posted once the results are out. so sorry. i was taken aback. i was told the lab usually takes 1-2 days. it had been 5 days. my head started spinning. my anxiety index shot up a few notch that evening. it was super unsettling.

the next afternoon (friday), i got a call telling me that they have gotten the results and that i could visit them anytime. and as i had back to back meetings through the day, i decided to only collect the results on saturday. after registration, the clinic assistant simply pass me an envelop with a huge red word "urgent" stamped on the front face of the envelop. i was kinda taken aback cos i thought the doctor wanted to see me... i gave her a bewildered look and she simply smiled and asked me to take a look before i decide if i wanted to see the doctor. i opened the envelop... took out the results...

i smiled and told her it's ok, i'll not need to see the doctor. 

i left the clinic.

resignation

the department will have a super big event this coming end-august and this week, 2 of my staff tendered their resignation. both will be gone by first week august. 

frankly, amongst the two, i am quite glad that one of them is leaving. this person was the one that has been the source of all internal tensions, and has been sabotaging me quietly behind my back (that i found out recently). everyone in the department cannot get along with this person due to relationship issues as a result of legacy internal politics. but on the other hand, this is also the person who has the most institutional memory about things and had helmed all the key programs the department handles, including the major event in august. and with this resignation, a lot of institutional memory, rationale of how and why things are done in a particular manner, etc will be lost. had initially planned to slowly transfer the know-how over time by assigning some of the responsibilities out and hiring people to take over. but... 

anyway, am kinda in a fix now. but as always, i just have to bite the bullet and see it positively that it is a fresh start for me. i have the opportunity to build my own team. the events will have to come and go. even if it means the department cannot meet the targets set. in the longer term, it is better for the department. 

pre-colonoscopy check

went to the specialist today for a pre-colonoscopy check. this was something arranged since a few months back given that i have crossed my 50 years of age. needed to do this to test if i have colon cancer. and so, after waiting for slightly more than 15minutes, my queue number started flashing. i walked in and there was this young 20-something looking little indian girl seated on the doctor's chair. she almost looked like a school-going kid! she even has pimples on her face! hahaha... anyway, she asked me about my family history, whether anyone had cancer, whether there was any other chronic illness in the family, whether my bowel movement is normal, whether i had frequent blood in the stools, and a lot of other questions relating to stools, etc and finally, why was i referred for colonoscopy. oh, i was asked to consider cos i am over-50 yrs old, i simply replied.

and then she asked me to lie onto the bed to feel my stomach. and (i was totally not prepared for this),  she asked me to turn, face the wall, pull down my pants till below my knees and bend my knees. and once i was ready, she applied a hell lot of lube onto my asshole, and inserted her finger into it to feel if there were any lumps. and that was not enough, after that, she inserted an apparatus in and twisted it around. it felt so uncomfortable! thankfully, it didn't last long. she handed my a stack of hand towels to clean myself and continuing speaking to me as i dressed up. so awkward right? but of cos, i acted cool and simply carried on the conversation with her as "professionally" as i could. was given a full explanation of the colonscopy procedure, that is to be done this coming 31 july. and thinking of the bloody long scope that is going to be inserted via my rear, i do feel a little apprehensive about it.

lol!

checked

paid a visit to the doctor this morning to get my breathlessness checked. lungs clear - not asthma, ecg done - heart functions normal. so... doctor could not figure out the cause of the issue but have given me medications for 2 possible causes - antacid in case it is due to gastric reflux, and prednisolone for possible asthma or respiratory track swell. have not taken the gastric reflux medicine, but the prednisolone certainly did help a great deal. can breath a lot better although the tendency to feel breathless is still there. but at least when i make the effort to take a deeeeeeeep breathe, i can fill my lungs.

need to visit the doctor again end of the week for a review.

breathless

for some reasons, i keep finding myself breathless these days. and i cannot even have a proper full lung even if i were to breathe in hard. and i am reminded of how my mum experienced the same when i looked after her. i wonder if taking prednisolone would help. perhaps i should see a doctor about it. hmmm...

transformers: the last knight

this is the worst show i've seen for a very long time. period.

blood test

the sore i mentioned had healed after applying some topical cream and a regime of antibiotics. and as a follow up, i had also gone back to the clinic for my blood test. will get the results next week. and oh, there's something i thought was quite funny. after extracting my blood, the doctor, an old man in his 70s, used a plaster to paste onto the puncture. but instead of pasting it onto the puncture, he pasted it onto a small black mole 2 cm away...

lol!

bonus + resignations

the company gave out the annual bonus last week. and for me, who had just joined the company less than half a year ago, i was pleasantly surprised that i have been given a pro-rated amount. technically, i do not qualify for this bonus (i joined the company a few days after the closing of the qualifying period). nonetheless, i felt appreciated by this little gesture. 

and as usual, with the bonus pay out done, we can expect to see some people resigning. it is a common occurrence in all the companies i have worked. for that matter, i have a staff who has made an appointment to see me tomorrow. and from another of my team member, this particular staff had spoken of the intent to resign for a while. this resignation mean there will be a short term impact for the team, but as always, the team should be able to bounce back within half a year or so. positively, it is a golden opportunity to effect change. 

for me, i do not try too hard to retain people if they've decided to leave. the reason for this is simple - you cannot keep a person who has decided to resign as the heart is already not there. and even if i can retain the person by offering more pay, i do not expect the person to stay. so... yeah, i'll simply thank this staff and ask if there are things that should be looked into or that i should do better. and i'll simply wish the staff well.

and in some warp sense, i feel a little excited about it.

:-)

burnt out?

i've never felt this way before...

i entertained the idea of resigning from my current employment and i was literally resisting work through the last few days. and my resistance was not so much because it was a public holiday long weekend, but rather, the whole thought of it made me really uneasy. i felt so unmotivated! the feeling didn't hit me on friday as i went out late. on saturday, which is usually the day when i would spend sometime to clear a little email, i told myself to just put it off. there's still the sunday and monday, i told myself. and yesterday, i was literally and very consciously avoiding going into the email despite my mind telling me that i should do it as there are pile ups that i should clear before the week starts. it wasn't until about 5pm before i logged in. i felt relieved that there weren't too many mails to clear.

by evening, i started feeling uneasy. i started thinking about all the people problems at work. all the work, all the issues that i inherited and i was hit by a wave of emotions. i wanted to leave the house to shop, to drink, to chill... to do anything. i just wanted to get out of the house instead of sleeping. i supposed mentally, i was not prepared to sleep for once i sleep, the week will start once i wake up. and i didn't want that to happen.

think i'm feeling burnt out.

quietness of the cemetery

it's become a routine for me to visit to the columbarium every few weeks to pay respects to my parents. once a while, i'd also drive through the cemetery next to it to get a moment of peace. for some reasons, cemeteries give me a sense of quiet and calms me. this weekend, i decided i'd just park my car at the columbarium and take a walk into the cemeteries instead. the sun wasn't too harsh and i also wanted to do some exercise. it was a good and interesting walk, going through the different blocks of burial sites that was filled through the different decades past. 

as i walked, the folds of the hills and rows and rows of graves appeared neatly in front of me. such a scene is not common locally and felt somewhat surreal. i walked pass the site where my paternal grandmother used to be buried before we exhumed her some time back. i recognised the huge angsana tree beside the grave that still stand today. i also visited the graves of my maternal grandmother and my uncle and i reflected on their lives as i looked at their photos. it is easy to recognise my grandma as my mum bore an exact semblance to her. she didn't like my mum when she was alive as my mum couldn't give her monthly allowances. also, coming from a traditional peranakan (straits-borned chinese) family, there was a natural tendency to favour boys to girls. as for my uncle, i reflected on the stories shared by my mum about him. he committed suicide by hanging himself at the age of 29 on 2 nov 1965, a year before i was born. and he took his life, to my understanding, due to heaps of debt as a result of gambling, and my granddad's disapproval of his intense relationship with a malay-muslim woman. cross-cultural and cross-religion relationships was considered taboo back in those days.

when i looked at their photographs and reflected on their life's stories, i also wondered if i should arrange for them to be exhumed and for their ashes to be kept at the columbarium. traditionally such exhumation is done by the families of male descendants but all my uncles had died and i don't think my cousins would do so for my grandma. and for my uncle, he was single and has no direct descendants to undertake the exhumation. i knew that doing so would be a huge disturbance to their rest but it is something that has to be done given the government's ongoing program to exhume old graves to make way for new burials. unclaimed graves would be exhumed and the remains kept for 3 years before they are scattered at sea. it would not be nice to allow this to be done especially when we are still around. i decided then to write an email to the agency responsible for exhumation to check what the procedures are, especially when i do not have their death certificates. let's see what they come back with. 

all said and done, i have always enjoyed my visits to the columbarium and the cemetery. i really like the peace and quiet of the place (although it do not do justice to the many untold stories of people resting here). it is a good getaway from the busy and complex world of the living. it relaxes me.

recent news

there's been a flood of news recently that saddens me...

firstly, it's the lee family saga that is playing out publicly following the posting made by the 2 siblings of the current prime minister. it attracted much attention and set the social media crazy. all the comments shared reflect the differences in opinions with regards where the line should be drawn between the personal and public capacities of both the individual (pm vs son) as well as the property (private property vs national monument). and of cos, in such situations, political divides appear and people's comments tend to become very emotional and many a times, very ugly. for and against, often illogical and a lot of name-calling. it's very sad.

secondly, in the international arena, i continue to get very confused about what's coming out of the states. the credibility of presidency, in my eyes, continues to spiral downwards. the behaviour of the president of the united states and the things he said has thus far fallen short of expectations! and the same goes to the staff of white house. as an outsider, much as i want to frame this as an internal issue for the americans, i am acutely aware that what the president does/ says/ tweets has a direct impact on the world. but of cos, the silver lining (hopefully) is that the institutions build over the years are strong and continue to be helmed by good people. let's hope it survives the man. for the states to be where it is today, it's very sad.

thirdly, i see senseless bombings and killings happening at many places and often, they are linked to terrorist actions. i often wonder how people can possibly still align themselves to such perverted ideology that supports the killing of people. perhaps that is what radicalisation is about. it destroys a person's mind, brainwashes a person and obscures the truth. so much so that people can still place their lives and trust to an organisation that even attempts to bomb the holiest site of islam - mecca. i cannot understand the logic. it's very sad.

depressing...

drained...

i have not thought about leaving my job (so early into my new employment) as much as i have for this current job... but no, don't get me wrong, its not because of the job. the job is meaningful and exciting. but the people issues are just too draining and the pressures to get things done are just too unrealistic. and when i tell this to my friends, they tell me it's not the work issue but it's me who's being a workaholic and expecting too much from myself.

i really don't think so. 

pulau ubin sunday

it was a good weekend for me. joined my friends for a pulau ubin cycling trip! and talking about the trip, it turned out to be some sort of a father's day celebrations for me.... lol.

you see, my ex colleagues (and very good friends) have always been addressing me affectionately as "baba" (or papa, whichever way you like) or "daddy". and whenever we head out, they'd look after me like as though i'm their "father". and so, it was kinda coincidental that the sunday outing to pulau ubin became some sort of "father's day" outing.

the sky was really nice and cool when we first started but by the end of the trip, the sky poured like crazy. thankfully, we had finished our adventures and on our way back to maintain singapore. of cos, we ended the day with a totally sumptuous dinner - a father's set dinner - at a peranakan restuarant. 

:-)

haiz...

it started with a small cut early this week, and then a sore that refuses to go away...

woman... sighs

i have so many woman issues at work. here're just some of them...

• women who do things (and that impacted people downstream like me and my team) without thinking when under stress 
• women who cannot stand other woman under them and do all sorts of things that i sometimes can just roll my eyes
• women who has an alpha-male personality and always like to boss people around
• women who talks down on people
• women who cannot draw distinction between friends and colleagues
• women who draw lines clearly based on the logic of my friends enemy is also my enemy
• women who make decision using their heart and not their head
• women who can come to you and say, i am not doing this, cos i cannot see why i should do it for that woman.
• women who are so conscious about who's credit it should go to for doing any specific tasks

the list goes on. it somewhat reinforces the point that men are complicated and women are complex.

and it is very draining....

post-hyderabad, long work week

last week was a really really long and tiring workweek for me. had not worked such long hours for a very very long long time. just look at my sentence... once sentence with 4 long words... lol. worked through the overnight flight on my laptop to rush for a meeting that had been organised for the monday (once i touched down). i had to cancel my monday leave as this meeting was something that had to go on as it involved our overseas staff. once i touched down, i rushed home, took a quick shower, and headed back to work. and it was non-stop meeting till past 6pm, after which my big boss called me up to follow up on some matters for her...  worked late till almost 10-plus before i headed home, by which time, i had not slept for more than 40 hours. that was my monday after hyderabad.

i literally died once i hit my bed on monday night. and tuesday was the same... worked from early morning till almost 11pm, and wednesday i had to manage a department annual workplace program involving almost 200 people. by the end of wednesday, i was a very relieved person. the event went well and my very happy boss asked me to take 2 days off. of cos i didn't la, it was not something a senior person would do right. nonetheless, as much as i was relieved, i was almost dead too. and when thursday came, i found myself unable to get out of bed properly. my body protested and i came down with a huge backache. i drove to work in my belief that my back would feel better once it is warmed up but in the end, i gave up as i couldn't even stand straight when i arrived at my workplace and had to make a detour to see a doctor. i was given 2 days sick leave. you need to just lie on the bed and let your body rest, the doctor ordered. i came home, rested for half a day, downed a whole lot of painkillers and then headed back to office to chair a long meeting that had been arranged. it was tough. friday was the same routine of 7-8 meetings through the day. i really find having so many meetings in a day not productive at all... then again...

and that was my long long long last week...

lol!

cancelled visa cards

i logged in to do my internet banking today and noted i had outstanding balances for my visa bills. i was kinda surprised as i had hardly use the two visa cards of this bank (ocbc). but for some reasons, it showed an outstanding balance of slightly more than a hundred dollars for both cards. i didn't check further but simply went ahead and executed the online payment. after paying up, the account still reflected an outstanding balance of s$100. feeling curious, i pulled out the e-statement and wohhhh, it showed a late fees of $100 for each of the cards (i.e. total of s$200). and as the payment for one of the cards had gone through, it meant i had already paid s$100! wtf!

in my whole life with this bank, i've never defaulted my payments and for some weird reasons, i am now charged a late fees of $100 for each card. i checked the dates again closely and yes, i did note my payment was overdue by a week (i supposed i was in india), but i felt one helluva cheated. cheated for the fact that i was not informed of the payment due date, and hear this - i had to pay s$100 late charge for a bill of less than s$60. feeling damned pissed off, i called the hotline and cancelled my both cards, and i even demanded that they refund the late charge that i had paid up. i don't find this acceptable, not when i've been with the bank for almost 3 decades!

bloody hell...

hyderabad as a whole

as a whole, my first trip to india was a very tiring and educational one. 

it was tiring for the fact that the program was packed back to back and we had to squeeze so many things into the short 3 days there. it didn't help that the weather was hot and that my mind was also so pre-occupied with my work. it didn't help that i had a chaperon who was too overzealous and wanted us to experience all things indian. on one hand, i appreciated his intentions, on the other hand, i really wished he would give us more leeway to shape the plans. then again, i think it could also be in part due to the cultural difference between india and singapore. for all i know, he could be thinking we were too courteous when we rejected his arrangements and pushed it further. whatever...

i also found the trip a hugely educational one. i had studied the history of india and i had read quite a bit about indian culture. and it was altogether another thing to be able to be there physically to see how the indians organise and live their lives according to their indian philosophies, their religions, their history, i was awe-struck by the whole experience.  so, will i go back to india again, i would say yes, but i will also want to qualify that i will do so provided i have guides or if i were to travel in groups. it is after all still a country that i am not too familiar with.

:-)

hyderabad day 3

we decided to do what tourists do on the final day of the trip. we visited an ancient fort - fort golconda. when we learned that our chaperon planned for more shopping in the morning before heading to the fort at 5pm, we decided to take things into our own hands. no, we insisted. no more shopping. we will head to the fort in the morning. wtf, so late, we thought, and no more dum biryani!

and so, the program for the day was changed. we headed to the fort in late morning. it was a good visit, in my opinion. very historical and gave us a glimpse a piece of hyderabad's history. i shan't talk about the fort, you can get them in wikipedia easily. but for many of us, the visit provided us many kodak-moments (old-fashioned word, but yeah, it relates). that was where all the camwhore-selves appeared in all of us. out came our smart phones, and we just clicked away. two of the ladies (from the media team) changed into their sarees and busied themselves posing from the base of the fort to the peak. apart from holding us back again and again, i frankly thought it was a little impractical, given the heat that drained our energies quickly. then again, they were just doing their job.

what's most interesting was the fact that many of the south asians we saw wanted to take pictures with us. i supposed it was not often that they see fair skinned people and thus we became interesting subjects for their photo shoots. and at the rate people were asking us to take pictures with them, we could have earned quick a bit if we charged them! lol! we ended the visit late afternoon and a number of us decided to head back to the hotel first. frankly, many of us were not in the state of mind to eat anything as we had more than enough of indian spices by then. 

the shopping came in the evening after we had our rest in the hotel. for quite a few of us, we wanted to just head to the shopping center outside our hotel for a quick starbucks and a cheesecake, but our chaperon ignored our requests and we ended up being driven to an indian bazaar some long distance away. many of us were fuming mad. a group of them who arrived at the bazaar earlier directed their car back to the hotel. for me, i was stranded with the chaperon who insisted we should shop for things indian. no, i protested. i needed to head back to the hotel. i needed to pack my things and check-out! in the end, my chaperon hailed an uber for me. and a few of my peers hopped along. 

by this time, many of us had had enough of the chaperon and we took over the control of the vehicles. we decided to self-organise into smaller groups and co-ordinated with the drivers at group-levels. we didn't want to subject ourselves to the chaperon's calls anymore.  for me, i decided to take over control of the whole group and appointed group ic for each vehicles. it was also time for us to consolidate and head to the airport for our trip back home. things panned out so much smoother with the chaperon sensing our displeasure and keeping quiet.

and that was our day 3 - historical and defiance.

:-)

hyderabad day 2

it was saturday. this was the wedding day. over the night, quite a few more ex-colleagues arrived in india. the program planned was similar to my first day for the newly arrived colleagues to do their shopping. some of those who had arrived with me went along. as for me, i decided to just stay in the room to catch up with my work. i was glad i did cos i was really tired and i had lotsa work to do. and i was still bloated from the previous days' biryani meal. i was thankful i didn't join them, judging from the complains i heard after their shopping trip. one of them even threatened the host when he refused to let her go her own way and return to the hotel early. heh heh... nonetheless, the group came back to the hotel earlier and brought back for me (guess what...) more biryani! ahhh...

for those who had just arrived, it was a mad rush for them. shopping, getting their henna done, make up, etc etc etc. it was a lot easier for those who arrived one day earlier. we were all prepared well ahead of 5.30pm - the time that the vehicle would pick us up. at that time, i really didn't see how this timing could be met cos most of the people didn't come back from their shopping until close to 5pm. and added to that, a few of the girls still arranged for their henna painting to be done around 5.15pm, not to mention the fact that at 5.30pm, some of the clothings they purchased had not even been delivered to the hotel! this, we were told, was what people called the "indian time". time is used only as a concept and not an indicator of the exact moment of any event. at 5.30pm (the time we were supposed to be ready), the chaperon texted us to say that they will be 15min late, and at 5.45pm, the chaperon's' wife said she will go to the girls rooms to help them put on the saree. and at 6.15pm, many of the girls are still wondering which room to go to get help with their saree... tick tock tick tock... it was alms 7.30pm before the first car left the hotel. so... yeah, indian time.

the wedding itself was really interesting. very colourful, very loud, very rich in culture. we all really stood out amongst the hundreds cos we were non-indians in indian clothing! and once we entered the hall, we were ushered to the staged where a professional dancer (who had been hired for us) led us and taught us how to dance to indian music! for me, i was totally a fish out of water. i had not danced for aeons.... it felt so totally weird and i was so out of place! thankfully, not too long after, the next 3 cars arrived and the rest of the gang joined in. i took a quick retreat and just sat at the chairs to watch the merrymaking. the auspicious time for the bride and the groom to "meet" was 10.28pm and we were ushered to have our dinner first. it was a vegetarian dinner and we had to eat it the indian way - with our hands. and despite the frequent power failures that saw the whole building turned dark, dinner went on as usual. amazing right? for me, after 2 days of biryani and indian spices, my taste buds were all numbed and the vegetarian food tasted rather flat to me. admittedly, i was at the point where i was just pushing food into my mouth and drinking water to just force a swallow. not too pleasant but something i had to do so as not to appear disrespectful to the hosts. we left the wedding convention hall close to midnight. we didn't stay on for the full ceremony, that continued till the wee hours of the morning.

that was day 2 of hyderabad - very cultural.

hyderabad day 1

i visited hyderabad over the last weekend together with a group of friends to attend a friends' wedding. it was my first visit and i was curious how india would be like. had to rush to the airport immediately after work (that lasted forever!). and to make it more challenging, i got a call from an ex-colleague informing me of his mum's passing that morning. had to head to his place to pass him the funeral donations before heading the the airport... anyway, i made it to the airport on time. thankfully. and the flight was a non-event.

we arrived on the early hours of friday morning (5 jun). we were greeted by my indian friend and he had brought an entourage of his friends. it was interesting for a fact that one of the friends was in full indian saree and dotted our forehead with the pottu. the journey to the hotel took about an hour and the journey reminded me of the days when i visited the suburbs of thailand - very dark, small houses, 70's feel. then again, we were too tired to really pay attention to the details. we simply checked in, unpacked and retired. the next day was interesting as we went about shopping for clothes to wear for the wedding. we visited a few malls and shopping centers and hmmm... the malls reminded me of the those in little india in singapore - very packed, very run down, and well, to be expected, a lot of indian (duh! it's india after all). it was the first time i tried on the kurta and after trying a few different designs, i settled with one that i thought i was able to carry. it was a red/ maroon coloured piece with gold trimmings and it came with golden-coloured pants. i completed the look with a shiny maroon-coloured alibaba shoes.

frankly, by the time we guys completed our shopping, it was almost 2pm and i was already rather tired. it didn't help that the weather was hot and we were all dehydrated. the temperature registered 39 degrees celsius on the mobile phone and the heat index indicated 47 degrees celsius. nonetheless, we pressed on and visited an old indian temple - a temple made entirely of marble slabs and dedicated to lord venkatash. really enjoyed this visit and to be able to see the various indian gods. there was a brief shower just when we arrived and it was a good respite for us from the heat for the day. nonetheless, we felt the effects of the heat on top of the jet lag by the time we ended the temple visit. i supposed our chaperons (my indian friends' close friend and his wife) noticed it for they diverted us to a restaurant for lunch before we did more shoppings. lunch (at 3-ish pm) was a totally different experience altogether. due to the overzealous chaperons, we ended up being served with wave after wave of food, chicken, prawns, meat, cheese, vegetarian, etc etc etc in all the different indian flavours and chutneys of all various makes and concoctions. and just when we thought we were done, the biryani rice was served! apparently hyderabad was famous for their dum biryani. and unlike the biryani we have in singapore, the dum biryani was cooked with the meat in the rice. it was delicious and flavourful. we were all already feeling very bloated but had to force ourselves to continue eating and not waste the food. i personally thought it was quite a pain to have to go through this, and my friends felt the same. 

it was more shopping after that and we were totally shagged out by 9pm. i also sensed our chaperons getting a little impatient with the shopping when one of the ladies couldn't decide which piece to get. but the worst part of the day was after the shopping. all of us wanted so desperately to get back to the hotel and rest, but our chaperons refused to let us do so, insisting that we should do dinner first. and despite our insistence that we were still very bloated from the afternoon's biryani, they refused to let us return to our hotel. we literally became their hostages and ended up in a vegetarian restaurant where we were literally forced to eat more indian food. i could sense anger rising amongst my peers but everyone just controlled themselves and just went along with the program. the day ended with us bitching about the chaperon in the hotel - overzealous and very insensitive to our needs. then again, we just moved on and retired... totally tired out.

that was my day 1 in india - an eye opener.

wonder woman

i really cannot find much fault with this show and i give all the credits to gal gadot for the great performance. in my opinion, this show also managed to create a new wave of wonder woman fever amongst this new generation of millennia. but i do suspect many people of my generation still miss the old lynder carter version of wonder woman and her beautiful blue eyes, and how she twirled and turned and burst as she transform herself into wonder woman (and the song "wonder woman" would come on...)

:-)

no dumpling

i didn't make the meat dumpling this year during the dragon boat festival. remembered what mum told me - you cannot make dumpling while you are mourning. the act of tying the dumpling is akin to you tying the heart of the deceased. i recalled mum's warning when i wanted to make dumpling after dad's passing... so, this time round, it was not due to dad's passing but hers'. and so, for the second year, i did not make the dumpling.

should be able to do it next year.

jeremy's housewarming

i finally got the chance to eat jeremy's cooking. it's been over 17 years since i first know him. and he had often told me he'd cook for me. so... yeah, finally had the chance to eat it. and it was really good. it was also very nice for the fact that his brother and his boyfriend was there. it was a nice slow evening of just eating, watching tv, and playing with his doggie. 

very nice. very family.

:-)

get out

watched this show on tv during jeremy's housewarming two weekends ago. never really liked such movies but nonetheless watched it as everyone else wanted to. so... yeah, it was interesting. really interesting how such a plot and storyline can be developed. i wondered if there's such a real life example.

pirates of the carribean: salazar's revenge

watched this show last night and totally loved it. it is a prequel and put into perspective how the different characters came about and their relationships. and i enjoyed thoroughly the build up towards the end of the show and how everything came together. very nice! very entertaining! and yes, i can say this is one of my favourite in the whole series of pirates of the carribean shows.

applying indian visa

i will be heading to hyderabad to attend an ex-coleague's wedding next weekend and the visa application process was such a huge pain. apart from the so many questions that i felt did not make too much sense (e.g. obvious birthmarks), i also felt superbly offended by the fact that i had to give details about my late-parents. what is your father's name, what is your father's nationality, what is your father's..., and then i had to repeat for my mother. i thought that was superbly insensitive and totally uncalled for.

new passport

made and collected my new passport two days back. efficient process and i didn't get to wait long.

:-)

sister act

caught the musical "sister act" thursday at the marina bay sands mastercard theatres with a few of my friends.

would have been perfect if not for the less than ideal sound system. i had expected the musical to be similar to the movie and had looked forward to the song "i will follow him". this was, after all, the signature song of the "sister act" movie. but it wasn't there. i supposed it was due copyright issues. nonetheless, i enjoyed the performance.

and above all, nothing beats having a sumptuous afternoon high tea and a great evening of entertainment on a weekday.

:-)

picture from https://www.aspirantsg.com/

lost & found

i lost my work mobile three days ago and managed to get it back a day later. thankful that the guy that found the mobile was honest enough to meet up with me to pass it back to me.

:-)

townhalls

i had to support and make presentations to quite a few town halls lately. it was rather stressful for the fact that all the town halls seemed to come together at about the same time. 

this development was an interesting and enlightening one for me as i came to learn that my predecessor had never done such presentations before. i also learned that my predecessor didn't have good relationships with the businesses and this affected my team's morale and effectiveness. the lack of guidance and leadership also saw my staff being made to take blames unfairly when things went wrong. i was thankful that the businesses were open to me and we ended up having a very good working relationship. this saw a direct increase the collaboration between my team and the businesses which in turn resulted in enhanced morale amongst my team.

feels good that these are energising my team really well.

you're beautiful

this is a beautiful song. but i cannot help but feel the mtv depicted the character committing suicide at the end of the clip. just look at all the signs of a suicidal person - letting go of things, arranging things neatly, saying words that suggest this is the end, etc... what do you think?

you're beautiful
james blunt

my life is brilliant.

my life is brilliant.
my love is pure.
i saw an angel.
of that i'm sure.
she smiled at me on the subway.
she was with another man.
but i won't lose no sleep on that,
'cause i've got a plan.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
i saw your face in a crowded place,
and i don't know what to do,
'cause i'll never be with you.

yes, she caught my eye,
as we walked on by.
she could see from my face that i was,
flying (fucking) high.
and i don't think that i'll see her again,
but we shared a moment that will last 'til the end.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
i saw your face in a crowded place,
and i don't know what to do,
'cause i'll never be with you.

you're beautiful. you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, it's true.
there must be an angel with a smile on her face,
when she thought up that i should be with you.
but it's time to face the truth,
i will never be with you.

here without you

if there's one song that reminds me of the days in florida, it would be this song. whenever i listen to this, i will be transported back to tampa bay, the times i ran along the bay side, the smells, the sights, the feeling of missing home...

here without you
3 door down

a hundred days have made me older
since the last time that I saw your pretty face
a thousand lies have made me colder
and I don't think I can look at this the same

but all the miles that separate
disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

i'm here without you, baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you, baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you, baby

but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight it's only you and me, yeah.

the miles just keep rollin'
as the people leave their way to say hello
i've heard this life is overrated
but i hope that it gets better as we go, oh, yeah, yeah

i'm here without you, baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you, baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you, baby

but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight, girl, its only you and me

everything i know, and anywhere i go (oh whoa)
it gets hard but it won't take away my love (oh whoa)
and when the last one falls
when it's all said and done
it gets hard but it wont take away my love, whoa, oh, oh

i'm here without you, baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
i think about you, baby
and i dream about you all the time
i'm here without you, baby

but you're still with me in my dreams
and tonight, girl, it's only you and me

alien: covenant

this show is a prequel to earlier alien shows. and as expected, it didn't deviate too far from what we already know of alien films - the kinda "i walked in knowing what to expect, and i walked out knowing i had watched what i had expected to watch" kinda feeling. but i did enjoy it as it gave me a view of how future space explorations would look like and the discoveries of new planetary systems. these are interesting scenarios, albeit one that is a little bleak given that it projects man's failure to save planet earth and thus have to resort to seeking alternatives in order to survive.

interesting politics

it's really interesting to read about the events happening in the white house. constantly surprised by the president's actions. creating havoc all round. since he ascended the throne, his domestic policies seemed to be getting everywhere but nowhere and he is making every one crazy. and on the other hand, his foreign policies seemed more mainstream than what he said he would do during his campaign... all these must be real tough for the people around him. wonder how long more they can keep up with him. feels just like a reality show. only that this time it is happening in the white house.

and with due respect, i seriously think americans deserve better.

vesak day 2017

this year's vesak day came and went. went for the usual 3-step-1-bow at the bright hill temple on vesak day eve and waited till almost 2am before the ceremony started. completed the whole ritual and got home about 5.30am. totally tired out. and for the first time since 2005, bee didn't join in. he had a bad back and couldn't be there. so... yeah, in the end it was just me and a couple of other friends. also made a trip to the sri lankan buddhist temple later in the day and had the chance to witness the retiring of the buddha relic from the temple's main hall to the monks residence. had not seen this done before and it was really an eye opener. the thing about me is that i always get a little awed and choke when i attend such ceremonies. it was the same years ago and it was the same yesterday. 

:-)

annual obligations

visited the temple last week to pay respects to the taoist deity (that my mum had prayed to). the birthday of the resident deity will be celebrated next month and they have started the month-long celebrations. i also need to fulfil my responsibilities as a "god-son" by making donations to the temple and renew my "adoption" status.

:-)

asian civilisation museum

i never fail to learn new things when i visit the museum. also, the constant renewal of the exhibits to focus on different aspects of asia is very refreshing. and this time round, there focus is on korea. 

very interesting.

月亮代表"ah ma"的心

i was at the market this morning for my breakfast and there was this guy basking there. he was playing the organ and singing some very popular songs from the 80s era. after a couple of songs, he was joined by a 30-something year old lady. i supposed the lady was his friend for they paired off very well. their singing was competent, not fantastic. i kinda enjoyed their selection of songs and i believed many did too, judging by the fact that many were singing along as they ate their breakfast. 

and as i ate, a familiar tune came on. it was teresa teng's "月亮代表我的心" (the moon represents my heart). this was an all time favourite of many and i sensed everyone's approval. by this time, everyone was familiar with the lady's voice as she started the song. then, after the first sentence, another lady's voice came on. this voice was different. it sounded rough with age and everyone turned to take a look. in place of the young lady was this 80-over year-old white haired petite sized lady. and wow, despite her age, she sang very well! 

ah ma put in all her heart as she sang. she closed her eyes and moved her hands as she belted the love song. and when she sang out the words "moon" she raised her hands and looked up, as though she was pointing to the moon... by this time, a crowd had built up. and everyone stood around, mesmerised by this old ah ma. she sang very well and hit every note accurately. and when she ended the song, everyone broke into a huge applause. ah ma smiled shyly, waved and thank everyone for their applause and limped towards her husband (presumably), who had been standing by the side quietly. and she held onto his hand and they walked away quietly. 

i could imagine ah ma dedicating that song to her husband.

it was an amazing sight.

:-)

dildos... & toys

just felt like making this very spontaneous post about

dildos & toys

they do come in all shapes and sizes don't they? 

and in all the different colours and hues too...

:-)

picture from http://blog.sheboptheshop.com/tag/dildos/ & http://www.male-hq.com/

sleep sleep sleep

i slept through most of the day today! 

i just didn't have the energy to want to get up. came back late from dinner at karen's place, woke up at 7.45am, went for breakfast with bee... usual morning routines, and then i simply knocked out from 10-ish till almost 3pm. went for a quick meal (don't even know if it was lunch or tea), came back and continued sleeping till now...

i felt soo exhausted. it must have been the very packed week.

cooking nonya chap chye

i cooked nonya chap chye for my friends last evening. that was the first time i cooked anything "big" since mum passed on in nov 2015. and since i am currently observing a vegetarian diet, i had to rely on the gang to do the taste test...

was glad everyone enjoyed it, nonetheless.

:-)

vegetarianism

i have observed a vegetarian diet for almost 2 weeks. this is an annual routine i've observed for many years. i'd start my vegetarian diet on the first day of the 4th lunar month and stop after vesak day. i recalled the first year when i did it, the 15 days seemed to last forever. i'd yearn for meat and i'd find a lot of difficulties looking for vegetarian eating places.

but these days, the 15 days seemed to pass very quickly. i supposed its partly because vegetarian eating places are quite easily found. also, i have gotten used to it and thus do not find difficulties switching to a vegetarian lifestyle. but vegetarian food are not necessarily more healthy, especially chinese vegetarian food as many are made from gluten. but yeah, all things being equal, i do make a more conscious effort to control what i eat. and this helped me better manage my weight. 

:-)

a dog's purpose

watched this over the tv last evening at karen's place. was warned that it was a tear jerker and that people who had/ has dogs as pets would break down several times during the show. but hmmm, perhaps its due to this warning that created too high an expectations. i didn't cry at all.

"a dog's purpose" was a story told through the eyes of a dog who was reincarnated several times and reunited with his owner (several lives back). touching at times, i must say. but from another perspective, funny. funny in a warped sense. how the hell does a dog reincarnate into another dog? how does the memory of one life stay on to another, etc. heh... i supposed i'm just too logical a person.

then again, the show in itself was interesting for the fact that it centred around the concept of reincarnation, a concept that is not accepted in the christian faith (i am of course making the general assumption that christianity is the most common religion in the western world)...

ok, i think too much...

post-note: i checked the net for some background of this show and learnt of allegations of animal abuse when they produced this show. a clip showing how a dog was forced into a pool was shown. my immediate thoughts when i watched the video was that there was no abuse per se. i supposed there was a very fine line between coaxing and abusing. then again, shan't go into this debate.

guardians of the galaxy vol 2

this was such an entertaining show. and its interesting for the fact that the story borders between science fiction and religion. but well, what worked for me for this movie was the fact that (1) there were a lot of songs from the 80s, (2) the crude, into-your-face, conversations, that touches your heart at times, (3) the strong acting, (4) the good looking casts, and of cos, the omg cuteness of groot!

enjoyed it lots!

no hk trip

this monday is labour day and thus, it's a long weekend. had planned to visit hong kong... made the decision sometime a couple of weeks back and had primed some of my hong kong friends about it. was looking forward to catch up with them. but it was not to be. checked the hotel prices and turned out that due to a major event being held there, the hotel price had tripled. and for a low-mid range hotel room, i had to pay some sgd400 per night.

this is too crazy. decided to give this trip a miss altogether. 

13th year

commemorated our 12th anniversary on 28 apr.

been 12 years already... (and for some unknown reasons, i kept thinking it had been more than 13 years..,)

gosh!

no penang trip

was supposed to head to penang with my ex-colleagues & bee over the last weekend to celebrate the birthday of one of them. we had planned for this trip for months. and after all the preparations, packing, etc.... it didn't happen. we didn't go in the end.

that morning itself, i got a call from bee. his mum couldn't breathe and had to be evacuated to the a&e. turned out - she had an anxiety attack. admittedly, i was angry. angry with how things turned out. it was a huge disappointment for me. i had looked forward to this trip so very much. it would be a good break for me after all the stress at work. and from the look of things, it looked like we will not be having any holiday soon. its vary frustrating cos for the longest time ever, i've tried to get him to go for a holiday with me. and every time it's a case of he cannot leave because of his work. and this time round, after months of planning, we finally managed to go for a weekend trip to penang and...

well, the penang trip did not happen.

wasted close to sgd900...

crazy work

work has been crazy...

reeeeeeally crazy. and to make things worst, i've got a highly dysfunctional team that comprise people who are not co-operative, people who are disillusioned, people who are so full of themselves, people who are so nonchalant, etc.... 

very challenging.

slipped disc

the doctor confirmed that i have slipped disk. but for now, theres no requirement to undergo any operations, he said, unless i wanted to. not a good sign. and with time, this can only get worst. 

haiz.