mum's dementia has taken a turn for the worst. a couple of days back, she called me at the office telling me that people at home were ill-treating her and wanting to get her out of the house. i rushed down to visit her only to realize that her memory was very warped and that she was uttering things that happened 50-over years ago...
and when i visited her these 2 days, she could only recall how she had suffered in the early days and it was obvious she's living her old memories in the present day. she was superbly suspicious of people around her and was convinced that everyone around her was conniving to do her bad.
it's quite sad that she cannot get out of this knot of hers. sighs... well, the least that i could do was to listen to her, be supportive and try in any way i could to cheer her up.
sighs...
and when i visited her these 2 days, she could only recall how she had suffered in the early days and it was obvious she's living her old memories in the present day. she was superbly suspicious of people around her and was convinced that everyone around her was conniving to do her bad.
it's quite sad that she cannot get out of this knot of hers. sighs... well, the least that i could do was to listen to her, be supportive and try in any way i could to cheer her up.
sighs...
It is sad...the emotional baggage that we carry even though we know we are going to be hurt over and over again, only this time, by ourselves.
ReplyDeleteWhy is it so difficult to put it down? Don't we all want to be happy? I thought I had forgiven and forgotten even. But unpleasant memories crept back in the form of dreams and nightmares. Then I realised they are lurking somewhere in my subconsciousness. I have not forgotten even though I have moved on. But life has been good to me so far.
You are a wonderful son - your care and concern for your mother. Despite the hardship earlier on in her life, she is fortunate to have you as her son. Do take care of yourself so you can in turn care for your mother.
Hang in there...
hi ladybird, it's good to "hear" from you again! yup, i felt sad that she couldn't let go of her past. and from what you wrote, i could only guess you have had your own fair share of tensions in the past. well, i supposed all of us has some parts of us that we cannot let go. my own sensing is that we should not try too hard to forget it. just accept it and acknowledge that it is over. being able to give ourselves a chance to love ourselves is always a good start to accepting whatever negative experiences we had previously.
ReplyDeletethanks for the words of encouragement. it is certainly very much appreciated! and yes, i wish you happiness too!
:-)
*hugs*
ReplyDeletethanks tuls. hope you are enjoying your break and feeling refreshed! (of cos, don't do it so often la...) heh... and of cos, CONGRATS for passing your exams with flying colours!
ReplyDelete(ps: for reasons unknown, i have not been able to post any comments in your blog for a long time!)