mum's dream

think my mum's condition has worsened over the past 2 weeks, and esp few days. she had been talking lots about the past and getting more forgetful about things. she had some pains at her stomach and her back and the hospital found stomach ulcers as well as nerve impingement from her scoliosis. and she had a fall couple of days back. and these whole series of issues was rather upsetting. and when i visited her on fri, her eyes were swollen and red. the domestic helper told me mum cried the whole morning. and she cried again when i spoke with her. she told me that my granddad (her father) visited her in her dreams the nite before and spoke with her about lots and lots of things.... out of these, some of the rather worrisome things my granddad told her were that

• there is tis particular person who is really bad and wants to harm me and has apparently casted a spell on me.

• my house has been totally "black-magicked" and that i am keeping a man in the hse.

• i am only using a small portion of money i earned to look after her and that i have been giving all my monies to this very bad person.

• he (my granddad) is looking over her and he knows which of her sons are true about taking care of her.

• that she should not not go out too often in case she falls and that she should not ask money from my brother cos he does not earn much.

• that she is very pitiful cos she has lost her husband (my dad) and that her siblings are not looking after her.

• that she should pray daily so that the gods will protect her and watch over her.
  
  etc etc etc...

it was rather disturbing to hear of all these things and i felt my own tensions grew when she related them. i felt angry with my granddad. i felt angry with the pro-my-brother, anti-me angle of her dream, especially in money issues. but i kept my cool, sat back and thought for a while. and i felt a little stupid to be angry with my granddad (who had died ages ago).

and after some concurrent quick reflections while prodding my mum to continue telling me about her dreams, i concluded that all that she had said was actually her deepest worries and fears. worries that fears formed from what she had been observing and that had stayed hidden her subconscious all these while. it was also a reflection of how she sensemade the things i told/ did not tell her. for eg, about the praying bits was something i've been telling her daily, about not going out and not getting monies from my brother, these were what i'd been telling her all these while to help calm her when she got upset after my brother chided her for wanting to go out. as for the money bits, i guessed it could have resulted as i had not told her in detail how i had used my salaries. and given her assumptions that i was earning loads and loads of money (if only it was true), i must therefore be splurging on my monies on my friends.

once i was able to sensemake all these things, it was actually quite easy to explain to her as tenderly as possible how all these perceptions were not true and that she should try to explain to my granddad the truth when he visits her in her dreams again. sighs... it was interesting that in the conversation with her, i frequently alternate my messages' focus between my granddad and her and she did not even realize it. and after doing several iterations, i got a breakthrough. she said she was no longer worried (notice how my granddad disappeared here?) and that she was satisfied that i had not been splurging my monies... i think i will have to start to refocus my messaging to her on a daily basis so that i can convinced her thru and thru abt money issues.challenges of managing an elderly with dementia. but i guess if i can see things from her point of views, it would help a lot to better understand how i can allay her worries and fears and let her have some peace of mind.