huge owl!

went for my usual evening walk last night and on my way home, i saw this huge owl perched on the railing beside the canal behind my condo. it stood there quietly and when it saw me moving towards it, it got a little frightened and started to look towards its left and right. managed to grab this shot using my iphone and i must say - the resolution was terrible, given the dim condition and the distance i was at. but yeah, you can just see how huge it was. my guess was that it was at least 40-50cm tall. i stood there quietly observing it but it flew off very quietly when it saw me take a couple of steps closer.

what a sight!

:-)

police catch

the local police force has put up lots of such cardboard standees showing a policeman holding up his arm in a stop sign. of cos the words on the standees made it very clear that it was about stopping theft. but a colleague of mine, who has a really good sense of humour, made use of it to his advantage...

he brought his son to the candy store. and his son pestered him about wanting candies. quickly, he pointed the standee to his son and said "policeman say cannot buy, if you buy, policeman will catch"... the son never pestered him anymore after that...

hahah!

"james kissed me"

seemed like my sleep these nights are all filled with interesting dreams. and last night was no different. i dreamt about james, my ex. we broke up almost 10 years ago. and these days, we hardly contact each other except for occasional smses where he would ask if he could bring our dog out for the day. this occurs no more than 5 times a year - chinese new year, christmas, school semester breaks (twice a year) and the end of the year school holidays. and somehow last night, for some reasons, i dreamt of him.

in the dream, he was hanging on to something. i cannot recall the scene other than the fact that he was holding on to something. and rather precariously too, i must add. so i reached out to help him and he responded. i grab his hand and as he pulled himself towards me, i could feel the tensions (of anticipation). for some reasons, it felt very good to know that he responded to me, considering he had been keeping this very cold distant space between us. our face got closer and eventually, we kissed. the dream ended there.

hmmm...

dentist

just paid a visit to the dentist. needed to do so as i had been feeling rather uneasy with regards my oral health lately. other than biting my tongue twice over the past month, i also had bleeding gums and difficulties flossing my teeth! it seemed like they have moved and the spaces between some teeth are getting tighter.

so, yup, finally made an appointment and managed to get a last minute slot on the spot. after getting my scaling and polishing done. the dentist did a check and told me there was nothing worrisome other than a case of infected gums. and as for biting my tongue, he advised that i only needed to be careful when eating. otherwise, there was not other issues and that my teeth were not overly sharp, at least not to the point of endangering my tongue.

:-)

children's day

1 oct is, or rather was, children's day in singapore.

as a kid, we look forward to this day, a day where we sing children's day song (in malay) and where we have parties in class. i think this practice is still going on, except that the day it is commemorated had been moved to the first friday of october (so i learned). apparently, parents had complained that by having it fixed on 1 oct, their kids would lose out on one school break day when 1 oct falls on a weekend...

logical and very good consideration to thus move the date to one that floats, and one that can benefit all kids. it is a good move, but would have been really much better had its motivation been from benefitting all kids rather than from parents who demanded it to be so becos of their own kids. anyway...

happy children's day in advance!

:-)

proud moment

i chanced upon an ex-colleague from my previous employment.

we spoke for a short moment and he made an interesting comment. a comment that made me very happy. not that i was basking in past glories, but i was really happy i made a difference. and this feedback reinforced my confidence in my abilities. and admittedly, i have never had much confidence in myself when it comes to leading units given my lack of recent experience. anyway, he called out to me (and without second thought): "hey sir!" and cheerfully, we exchange initial greetings after which he said, "the unit you headed had totally stagnated. it picked up with you took leadership and peaked while you were there. and once you left, the unit's performance dropped and stagnated. very sad..."

as i said, i was happy to have made a difference. and very glad that he was happy to see me and spoke to me so enthusiastically. i consider such people-factors important proxies to how successful i had been in what i do, and not just work-related objectives. all things being equal, to me, work-related objectives often take a lower priority.

:-)

dream about mmmf sex

two nights ago, i had a very weird dream about sex. but no, it was not a wet dream. i dont think i ever had any wet dreams since my teens! haha... tmi. but yeah, it was really far from it, it was a dream involving sex but the whole feel was very non-sexual. here's how the dream went.

for some reasons, i was with two colleagues of mine. let's call them dan and meng. dan, like me, was a former military person and he joined my company last year. as for meng, i have worked very closely with him and his team in several projects over the past months. meng is someone i admire as he has this way with people, the way he communicates and the way he wins people over. very suave.

in the dream, dan had apparently invited meng and i to a whorehouse. yes, a prostitute's den. it was in celebration of something we had completed. i remembered feeling very out of place. i was not interested in girls! but i played along. and with this invite, the scene changed quickly to that of a room, at times it was dimly lit, and at times when i wanted details, it seemed sufficiently bright. ok, in the room, there was a young lady. she was in her 20s. dan mentioned something along the line about enjoying ourselves and loudly declared that the fun is on him (he will pay for it). i remembered vaguely that it will cost sgd350 per person. meng politely replied that we should all pay our share but dan insisted on paying.

anyway, the scene quickly changed. and next thing i knew, all of us were naked (i think i was, but i wasn't sure, i was watching the whole event as it unfolded in front of me). i saw dan lying supine (on his back) on the bed. his buttocks was on the edge of the bed and his leg dangled by the side. and before i knew it, meng went over and sat on him, both facing me. yup, dan was literally screwing meng from his back and they asked the prostitute over to serve meng. all these while, i was just standing in front of them, watching them. the "camera" in the dream zoomed in to show a close up of the screwing and the sucking that was happening at that point in time. and soon enough, one of them (cannot recall who) asked me to join in....

the dream ended there. as i said, it was a dream involving mmf sex and would possibly end up with an mmmf foursome. but no, for some weird reasons, it was not erotic to me. the whole thing seemed so clinical (short of a better word). and despite the two persons in the dream were dan and meng, i really cannot connect the sex scene with the real persons. and if i recalled correctly, i was stirred from my sleep and even in that half-asleep state, i do not even recall having a hard on!

haha... whatever the case, i make no heads or tail of the dream. 

horrible man @ clinic

i went to the clinic yesterday to consult the doctor about my painful sole and to get a referral to the hospital. and whilst waiting for my turn at the different stages of the visit, i witnessed the most horrible side of a person. here's the story.

i arrived and there was this person, a man in his late 40s (probably about my age) standing at the appointment counter. this was the counter that we would have to go to to make appointments with whichever hospital that we were referred to. and so, this man was standing there and he handed over the instructions from the doctor to the clinic assistant. as she was trying to make the appointment for him, he asked her if the hospital has a particular service and whether it can be claimed from his medisave account. the clinic assistant advised him that each hospital has a slightly different service and some do not allow claims. she added that if he has a specific hospital in mind, he could do the check and she could help make the appointment for him. this feedback, and i thought it was a fair feedback, saw the man going into frenzy. he got angry, pointed his finger at the clinic assistant and said she should call the hospital and tell him instead of asking him to call. he did not give her any chance to respond but continued berating how terrible the polyclinic and the clinic assistant was. 

i did not follow-through what happened after that as i proceeded to see the doctor. when i was waiting for my turn at the pharmacy, this man was there too. he waited by the pharmacy assistant's desk for less than 5 minutes before he turned to her and asked why they had to take such a long time. he claimed, half shouting, that he had diarrhoea and needed the medicine quickly and the slowness was causing him a lot of stress and discomfort. erring on the safe side, the pharmacy assistant went in and hastened the process for him. in no time he got his prescription. that was about the same time i got mine too.

i proceeded to the payment counter and the man was there too. the casher advised him about the amount he had to pay and he shouted out, what? why so expensive?!!! give me the details of the bill and he made the casher go through item by item. he questioned the cost of every single item. and for each item, he asked in a very rude manner whether he can claim government subsidies for them. and for those that he couldn't, he said he didn't want them and wanted to change to a cheaper version, if they have. there was no way the cashier could proceed with him and asked him to head back to the pharmacy for advice. he did. and he poured out all the medication and wanted to change some of them.

i didn't see what happened next. i left the place. but i was very perplexed about the existence of such characters. there was totally no sense of respect for people, and on top of that, he told lies to get ahead of people. very ugly. when such things happen, my heart goes out to the service staff. they totally do not deserve such treatment. they were simply doing their work.

sighs.

f1 over?

well, f1 grand prix (i still cannot imagine how some people still pronounce it as "grand pricks"), came and went and frankly, it didn't really affect me, not that i bothered about it in the first place.

the f1 grand prix this year marked the start of the second 5-year contract and was sponsored by singapore airlines (sia). previously, it was sponsored by singtel, a local telecoms company. and as the papers today diplomatically described, the spectator base this year was more aligned to the lifestyle of the f1 and sia (read - rich and famous) compared to previous years where singtel was the sponsor. and the papers politely described the spectator then were more "singaporean". well, i read it to mean - heartlander aka middle-low class. and the article also talked about how high-end f&b businesses saw as much as a 30% jump in business over the f1-weekend. well... enough said. in all, it simply meant this - with the latest sponsor, singapore had successfully positioned itself as a luxury destination for the rich and famous, for them to dine, wine and be merry.

then again, to me, as a singaporean aka heartlander, this was not for me and there was no place for me unless i want to spend minimally sgd300-plus dollars, dress myself up, mix around in the most pretentious manner with people up there and watch fast cars zoom and scream by. but no, with that kinda money, i'll rather have a nice solid dinner with people closest to me, and i can even throw in a cake and a couple bottles of alcohol!

haha...

offer, at last

the offer came in this afternoon. finally, a sense of relief. 

i texted my chief and she asked if i am happy. frankly, i am a little burned out through the whole process and having my staff having an offer ahead of me. but yeah, reflecting, i am happy, not exhilarated, just happy and pleased with the outcome. then again, i held back myself cos there is still the negotiation before the final contract signing. and until then, anything can happen.

just need to continue to manage my expectations...

weird questions

mum's momentary forgetfulness has gotten to the point where she asks me questions that were totally not-logical... this evening, she asked if my brother is dead. she really thought he had passed away sometime back. 

and in order not to make her panic or stressed out, i simply manage the conversation in as normal a tone as possible. and to jolt her memory a little bit, i asked simple questions like how many children has she got (she answered correctly - 4). and i asked her to give the names of all four children, which she did correctly. and then when i asked her to give me the age of the 4 children, she went - first one 55 (correct), second one 53 (correct), third one (aka me)... she stopped, thought for a while, and said - twenty... 

woohh...

:-)

deal's off?

i wrote in to the bank monday to check if they have made a decision with regards hiring me. ok, i did not phrased it that way, but yup, that was the intention behind that innocent email to express my interest in joining the team and look forward to hearing from them. 

i decided to write in as i was feeling unsettled with the lack of response from the bank after 2 weeks. it had been 2 days after i wrote in and they did not respond. kinda disappointing. i had expected an established organisation to be more forthcoming in at least keeping candidates in touch when it comes the hiring process, especially when it involves a senior position. i can either interpret this lack of response to be a case of them not wanting to pursue this further, or that they needed more time to work through their internal processes. 

whatever the case, it makes me think twice about whether i should join them given their lack of professionalism in handling this little issue. will just let things be for now...

hmmm....

my staff's turn

we were chatting about job-search and my staff throw the bombshell at me...

boss, i need to tell you that i got an offer. i will be tendering very soon... she said. there was a momentary silence after that but i took it in ok and we continued talking. told her that i was relieved she got a job and found out that she would be asking for an early release. sighs. her resignation would mean i will be faced with some resistance when i tender too. management would want to hold me back for a while more to allow a smooth transition. 

yikes!

weird dress sense

i cannot help but find it really weird to see people tuck in their tee-shirt into their boxer shorts and wearing their pants in such a way that it exposes the boxer shorts. that was what i saw this morning. and to make it even more wrong (visually), the person was a young nerdy china chinese who wears a huge black pair of spectacles...

hmmm, or maybe that was why...

haha...

"you always make me reflect"

i wrote about joyce 4 years ago. she's my neighbour and although we lived in the same estate, we hardly meet. and for that matter, both of us had been living in the same estate since its completion in the late 90s. i have literally "watched" her grow up over the last many many years. well, as a friend since we connect in 2008(?) although technically, i had gotten to know her since her teenage, junior college years through her blog. and she's now all grown up, adult and all, and she's a working woman now. 

and of late, i have had the great opportunity to chance upon her when i head out to work at about 7.40am. and often, it would be a hi-bye kinda thing. things that acquaintances do when they meet, except that joyce is more than an acquaintance. there was some sort of connection i supposed. anyway, i would often send her a "hi" text after that. and a simple sweet exchange of short texts would usually follow. and in one of our most recent exchanges, she said "what you say always make me reflect" or something along that line...

admittedly, i was surprised by this reply. i didn't know how to respond. nobody had ever given me such a feedback before. then again, thinking about it, i was glad i did. hopefully, in reflecting, she had learned something new, about life, about herself.

:-)

grooming

how do you frame the idea of grooming?

loving oneself? respecting others? basic requirement? vanity?

i am sure all of us groom ourselves to varying degree and has different ideas of what basic grooming is. for me, grooming is about maintaining a certain level of hygiene and to be able to project myself in a respectable manner whereby i am comfortable with myself, and where i respect the basic de forum needed of the context (be it place, occasion, etc) i am in.

what about you?

no coffee

have been asked to reduce my coffee intake from two cups a day to a cup a day when i went for my check up last week. it could be contributing directly to my reflux, the doctor said.

and that was what i did since. in fact, i went further than that. i stopped taking coffee altogether. it was a challenge i gave myself. it was not difficult over the weekend as there was a couple of other clear choices for me. i opted for chin chow (glass jelly) drink. might as well, i thought, since i was feeling dehydrated and wanted to take as much fluid as possible. but today was kinda difficult. after all, coffee was a routine for me. a habit that i had established since many many years ago. 

i kept wondering what to drink as i walked to work. no coffee, i told myself. should i drink tea? hmmm... tea is also acidic and contains caffein and drinking it would defeat the whole purpose of not drinking coffee, i told myself. should i drink this or that or... i kept asking myself as i walked. in the end, i settled with a milo drink. i supposed this is less of an evil compared to coffee or tea. haha... and for today alone, i downed 3 milo drinks! gosh, at this rate, i might just end up getting fat!

haha...

chicken & makolli

we had a relaxing evening today and mum was in a rather cheerful mood. we had our dinner and our routine shopping after that. and mum was cheerful enough to want to buy a roast chicken for supper. yes, she actually asked for a roast chicken.

and so i got a roast chicken, and a bottle of makolli to go with it.

yums...

:-)

poor adriana

yup, the titling is a little misleading.

but this post is not about adriana. if it is, i would say she's a sad slut. she's been hounding me since 3-4 years ago despite the fact that i am gay. and despite not responding and keeping her in my spam box, she continue to stalk me... but yeah, it is not about adriana. this post is about spammers - people who are the outliers of the society and choose to disturb people for whatever reasons they might have. spammers are rather irritating, they continue to flood your mailbox and you cannot wish them away. they continue to exist and we will just have to accept their existence.

sighs...

painful feet

the sole of my feet have been hurting very bad for the past couple of months. 

i had initially thought it was due to my changing to a new pair of work shoes and that i needed time to break in to the shoes. but it had been more than 2 months and i am still suffering from the pain. in fact, the pains are worst in the mornings. at times, it was so bad i could hardly walk. i think it i need to revisit a podiatrist to take a look... 

i probably need to change my custom-made insoles (orthotics).

"this is where i leave you"

went for the midnight show with bee last night. it's been a long while since we went for any shows and he booked tickets for this show on friday after reading the synopsis. he did a search for reviews of the show last evening at the cinema and oooo, apparently, the ratings were bad, very very bad. one even gave it a 1 star out of 10 stars! we wanted to make a request for a change of shows but could not find any nice ones. in the end, we decided to just head in and that we would leave halfway if it was really as bad as the reviews described.

but we were pleasantly surprised. it was actually a very heartwarming movie. very competent acting by all and a very interesting storyline. and amidst all the chaos, there were lots of whacky moments. i thought it brought out very nicely the dynamics between family members, and all the issues and challenges families face rather well. and i was rather taken aback by the very interesting twist towards the end of the movie. then again, the way relationships were handled was probably what one could expect of an american family rather than an asian family. in asian families, relationships would probably break down when faced with some of the issues played out.

then again, i could be wrong. it all depends on the maturity of the individuals.

but yeah, we enjoyed the show very much.

ps: i also noted interestingly that there were no minorities (such as african-americans or asian-americans (as what one would expect in all hollywood productions) in the show although there was an increased treatment/ coverage on gays/ lesbians. perhaps gays/ lesbians are now considered the "new" minority? hmmm...

crying nephew

i nephew is now 21months old and he is turning into a cry baby. 

there are several reasons for this and they include sibling rivalry, crying for attention and insecurity. whenever his sister pulls away stuff from him, or when his mother didn't give him the attention he wants, or when he gets ticked off, he would prone down, drop his head onto the floor and starts to wail. often, there were no tears. 

i was irked by this response of his and would often tell him this is not the right behaviour. as for his mother, she would give in to him all the time. she would pick him up every time he goes into this wailing mode. to me, it was a reinforcing kinda thing and should not have happened. and last week, when he went into this wailing mode, i picked him up and told him not to do so, sensing he couldn't get through me, he wailed even louder. i raised my voice firmed and told him not to do so and he wailed even louder. his mother came and wanted to carry him but i stopped her. seeing this, he went even louder and it looked like he was going to collapse from crying. the mother's heart soften and wanted to take him from me. i told her not to. this repeated a few times and i could sense his mother getting angry with me. i relented and gave him to her. i advised her to read up on handling such behaviour and she curtly responded that she had no time.

awkward silence occurred for a couple of days after that incident. in the end, i told myself that i had done what i needed to do. the responsibility of bringing up the kid lies with the parents. i can only partake in this responsibility when i visit them and from an advisory angle. if the child grows up wrong, i will have to just let him be.

above all, i do remind myself that after my mum passes away, i must slowly wean myself off them.

don't take sour stuffs!

i was at the market yesterday. 

mum and i noted that the buah rambai is in season. asked mum if she wanted but she declined. like me, she didn't like this fruit. the maid, who was standing beside us was curious and asked if it tastes bad. i told her it tastes a little sour and hearing this, her eyes sparkled and she exclaimed sour?! good good! i could almost imagined her asking me to buy for her.

i didn't feel good about this and my immediate response was to tell her that sour food is not good if taken in excessive amounts. you see, in her attempts to reduce weight she had been constantly asking me to buy lime for her. she had started on this slimming down efforts since a couple of months back and apart from eating reduced amounts of food, she would also drink lime juice almost daily. well, i can see her size has reduced significantly and compared to her relatively fat frame when she first arrived, she is rather slim and shapely now. but if she goes on this way, the likelihood of getting stomach ulcer is very high!

anyway, back to yesterday. i told her quite abruptly sour good? what good? if you keep taking sour things, your stomach will tear and you will get sick. and if you continue, you might end up with stomach cancer! just look at all the lime you are taking all these while! and as i said it almost immediately after her response and she immediately retracted. her face changed and she quietly said ok ok. she maintained an awkward silence for a while after that. i knew i might have come across as harsh sounding, but i find it difficult to have a maid who is showing her vanity increasingly.

and today at the market, she did not ask me to buy lime for her. 

financial position

i met up with my banking agent recently and he gave me a run down of my investments. i must admit i am not a person who loves money to the point of actively monitoring my investments. money is to allow me to sustain and i do not have the habit to constantly monitor and manage my monies. so...

anyway, through one of my attempts to invest last year, i got to know this banker. apart from helping me, he also took a look at my port folio and he almost fell off the chair. i had been losing a significant amount of my investments over the years! and with that he asked if i could allow him to review and make some recommendations. i agreed and eventually allowed him to manage my portfolio for me. i must say that was one of the better decisions i have made regarding my money management.

it's been a year and today, he has managed to get rid of all non-performing products, purchased (with my consent) products that are profitable, and almost reduced my loss to no more than a couple of thousands. couple with that, i have purchased some mid-term insurance that would help me when i retire. i had also been able to slowly reduced my housing loans since then. so nett-nett, i must say my financial position is a lot better compared to say 2 years ago, despite the fact that my cash available did not seemed to have grown (or for that matter decreased). so... 

i really need to learn to manage my monies.

financial jolt this month

the recent repair works to my pipe leakages set me back by sgd2.2k this month. this was something unexpected and i must say, i am feeling the pinch now. usually, i would only feel the pinch 2-3 days before my pay day but this month, it is still a week-plus away.

no good, no good...

sleepy mum

mum has been rather stable over the past months but i note she had been very sleepy over the last couple of weeks. she'd fall asleep and complain of insufficient sleep. and her forgetfulness had worsen significantly. i suspect it's cos her body has been slowly deprived of oxygen.

and so i took her spo2 level reading (oxygen saturation level of her blood) yesterday and noted it was in the range of mid-high-70%. it was not a good reading. a normal person would be above 95% and for her, about mid-high-80%. i was concerned and decided to give her some additional puffs of salbutamol as i increased her oxygen machine up to 4.5l. it helped. the spo2 level went up about mid-80% but the level dropped quickly to the 70%-range again very quickly. this was not good. it suggests her lungs are getting worst. i took the reading again today and noted the same trend. 

if this goes on, she'll be in deep trouble. need to do some immediate intervention. for a start, i have started giving her the nebuliser and prednisolone. for now, her oxygen-level has gone up to the high-80%. let's hope her condition stabilises in the next couple of days.

mum's self-created tensions

mum has this habit of complaining about the maid. i could only attribute her behaviour to her paranoia. you see, frequently and out of no where, she would make statements like... 

today, i do not know where the hell the maid went to, she said she wanted to go to the toilet and disappeared for a long time... or today, the maid very daring. during lunch chatted non-stop with another maid. 

i interpret these statements as mum's fear of the maid conniving with people to harm her as she had openly told me of her suspicions many a times before, or 

the maid very daring, ask money from me to head out of the rehab centre for lunch... or the maid very luxurious, the rehab centre provides food and she complained it is not nice, and asked money from me to head out for lunch... 

sighs... all these despite telling her again and again that the maid is not a patient of the rehab centre and has the ability and freedom to do what she likes, and providing lunch for her is our responsibility. if she eats in the rehab centre, they will charge me by the end of the month. otherwise, we need to pay for her lunch... had been explaining to her and assuring her that everything is fine but she insist that the maid must not wander around and that the maid must eat what the rehab centre provides...

sighs...

fruitful day

took time off work for my otolaryngology appointment and was given a day's medical leave. and i used the day to bank in my check, undergo my chiro treatment, collect my birth certificate extract, collect mum's medication from the hospital and of cos, tan at the pool - twice for that matter.

such a fruitful day.

:-)

nose ok, stomach next

went for my otolaryngology appointment this morning and had a scope done on my nasal and buccal cavity. all clear. no growth apart from some reddening seen around the areas near my throat. that probably explained my sore throat lately, said the doctor. and given my frequent complain of reflux, she suggested and i agreed to undergo a stomach scope to determine if i have a case of overactive bacteria in my stomach. to be done in dec 14 before another review in jan 15.

for now, to continue with my nasal spray and where necessary, the medication to control the back flow and the reflux.

:-)

sad disappointing sight

this was what i saw earlier when i brought mum to the shopping centre.

a close-to-80 yr old ah ma pushing a pram with a 3-4yr old princess-acting girl. the girl was wearing some bright pink blouse with pictures of a disney princess and matching bright pink sneakers. and she sat with her leg crossed as she held onto a packet of juice. the ah ma was, however, walking with a slight limp and spoke with an accent that suggest she's from mainland china.

i had half the mind to ask the girl to get off the pram and walk! and i thought the princess's father (presumably the ah ma's son) ought to be taught a lesson! 

bloody hell!

then again, if ah ma does it willingly, what can i say right? i do see such sights more these days and i do think, regretfully, that our values education of our kids as a generation is slowly deteriorating. 

sighs...

awkward moments

well, we finally had lunch with the company top man after 5 months. 

and it was indeed an interesting lunch. i was looking at his body language and it was clear he was not comfortable. there were awkward moments throughout the lunch. i could see he is an introverted person (going by mbti profiling) and socialising and talking to people was probably not within his comfort zone. and thus, there were many moments where he folded his arms as he spoke. it was only during the eating moments that he got a little more comfortable. but once the eating ended and small talk started to pick up again, the topics spoken were all over the place. weird.

and finally, when the table was cleared and he started to talk serious stuff, he came across as a little impatient as he kept fidgeting his fingers and shook his legs. this body language was kinda interesting and did not commensurate with the very serious question he asked - why we didn't like the company. altogether, it came across as all not too sincere. 

then again, it was the first time he interacted with us and for this, i supposed it was a good start. and yes, kudos to him for making the efforts to memorise all our names.

bad singing

i woke up this morning and sat beside mum as she watched the tv. the tv showed clips of a local chinese singing competition "绝对 superstar". and maybe it's becos of the excellent experience i had with 中国好声音 (voice of china), but i really cringe when i watched the superstar thingee.

the singing was really terrible, standards was low, production value was crap, etc. and to top it off, the singers carried themselves and acted like they were some superstar. it was really unbearable. at that very moment, a mental debate kicked off in my head. ok, granted that we have to provide opportunities to groom budding artistes and such shows do just that. but when i saw the show, i really appreciated the need to be critical and harsh cos let's face it - it's the survival of the fittest. and if the singers cannot survive harsh criticisms, they simply end up embarrassing themselves.

ewww...

dreams again

last night was again a night of dreams. 

and this time round, it was about a funeral. certain parts of the dream was vivid to me whereas certain parts were kinda blur. what i could remember was that i was involved in a taoist funeral ceremony. it seemed like there were many people in the dream but i was the only one involved directly in it. in the dream, the funeral rites had begun and we were in the process of transporting the coffin on its final journey (no idea if it was a burial or a cremation). and i was given 2 sets of joss sticks - green-based and red-based. as a guide, green-based joss sticks are used for the dead and red-based joss sticks for either gods or those who lived pass 80-years of age. anyway...

for some strange reasons, the scene changed to a room and the funeral ceremony that was happening was put on hold and the procession was waiting outside the room. in the room was a square table and around this square table sat 4 persons. i couldn't recall who these four persons were except that the two sitting closest to me were a man and a lady. they were discussing how to proceed with the funeral procession and it seemed like the decision was to put it on hold. as they were discussing, my joss sticks continued to burn and it came to a time where the joss sticks were almost completely burned off. i decided i couldn't wait anymore and called out to them and asked them to hurry up.

the dream ended there...

it was a really interesting dream. and with some reflections, i think i can figure out what this dream was about. i supposed the funeral procession that was on-going was related to my current process of ending my current job. i have technically moved on from my current job although i have not tendered and thus, the funeral procession was still on-going.

that the funeral procession was put on hold and where a table of 4 persons (with vivid view of a man and a lady) discussing if it should proceed probably relate to the current events where i had been interviewed by a man followed by a lady and another telephone interview by a person whom i did not get to see (thus i cannot figure out the face of the other 2 persons in the dream). the process of discussing reflect current on-going deliberations by the bank.

and finally, the fact that i was impatient and wanted an answer given that the joss-sticks i was holding was burning out... well, this is kinda easy to answer after interpreting the above. but still, i cannot fully explain what the joss sticks are except perhaps it signifies a certain time that is running out.

hmmm... i am beginning to enjoy this dream interpretation process.

:-)

lunch with top man

we will be having lunch with our top boss tomorrow. kinda awkward and none of us know what to expect. for that matter, many had planned to sit as far away from him as possible. then again, its an long overdue meet. he's been with the company for 5 months plus and this is the first time he had made a gesture to want to reach out to my department.

let's see how things go. i heard he is a nice person.

hmmm...

mushrooms & mould

mushrooms continue to sprout both inside and outside my kitchen cabinet. and the utility room wall continue to show signs of mould growth. it's been 4 days since the leaking pipes were repaired. i supposed i need to give it more time for the wood and the wall to dry up. at least the wall is not leaking water now.

:-)

strange dreams

last night was interesting. it was a night full of dreams, back to back. there were at least 4-5 of them just before i woke up. and interestingly, i woke up at about 6am, and deciding it was a tat too early and went back to sleep. i woke up at 7am finally and in that one hour, i dreamt another dream or two. these last dreams were to close the earlier series of dreams that were left hanging without a proper ended. lol! weird right? anyway, i could vaguely recall the dreams in detail. but roughly, they comprised the following...

• this was one of the first dreams. in the dream, i was both the first person involved in the action as well as a third person by-stander. the dream setting was that of a very tall hill and there were a lot of steps that led to the top. these steps resembled the aztec pyramids and was brick coloured. i was climbing up a steps and i was aware there were others doing so too, both men and women. the climbing became a competition of sorts and for some reasons, the women stopped just before the top, whereas men would progress all the way to the top. then again, all these climbing occurred in the my mind as a bystander in the dream. and i rationalised that the steps were symbolic of a corporate ladder and that there was a glass ceiling effect of sorts for woman. the dream ended just like that.

• in another dream, the steps (in the above dream) was still around but we were no longer climbing. the scene in the dream transformed to that of a headquarters. it reminded me of mindef headquarters. i was somehow attached to a classified unit at the basement and there were lots of people in the dream. for some reasons, the basement was superbly crowded. and then someone called out to me. he was a colleague who worked in the above ground levels and seeing me at the basement, he told me i should head "upstairs" and led to to the above ground levels. for some strange reasons, i wanted to resist as i was not supposed to be there and didn't want my identity compromised. but i didn't. i went along and when i arrived at level 1, i noted my pass did provide me the ability to access level 1. the dream ended there.

• the scene of the dream remained the same as the above. now, i was walking around aimlessly at the basement after visiting the toilet. and as in the above dream, there lots of people. there was a very long queue. the queue led to the toilet. but somehow, i noted there were both men and ladies  in the queue. many of the ladies looked like they couldn't hold on to their bladders anymore and were moving around awkwardly. i found myself in the queue somehow and in front of me were a group of male students. and then for some unknown reasons, i told the boys that they were in the wrong queue and they should head to the male toilet round the corner instead. the dream ended there.

• there was another dream. the setting was somewhat similar to the above. it seemed like a continuation of the dream, but i was convinced it was not. there was a break in between. this time round, all the boys broke away from the queue and i brought them to the guys toilet around the corner. they headed into the toilet and somehow, the toilet seemed very quiet. there was an awkward silence in the toilet and it seemed like the toilet interior led to somewhere deeper and more secretive. for a moment, there were also people wearing suit and tie walking out of it. it felt awkward. the dream ended there.

these were what i could recall. there were a few others. distinctly different. but yeah, i couldn't recall them. weird right? i must have been too stressed.

lol.

childhood cakes

this is a childhood treat that is mostly used as offerings to taoist dieties these days. we can easily recognise it from the pink paper wrappings. and yes, it has no brand. it used to be sold by small hawker make shift stores or at those old traditional bakeries. and they are best eaten the ah pek (old chinese uncle) way - by dipping into kopi-o (the local version of long black). 

yumz!

taste of childhood

for whatever reasons, i yearn for ice cream soda these couple of days. it represents the taste of my childhood. perhaps it is due to the familiarity that the taste reminds me of, or the sense of comfort. whatever the case, i just yearn for it.

and thinking about the taste of drinks that reminds me of my childhood, they include drinks such as f&n ice cream soda, f&n orange, fanta green drink (i think the flavour is banana), and fanta grape amongst others.

:-)

picture from http://365days2play.com

dilemmas of job search

lets' take a recap of my job search process so far. 

first, i had gone through 3 rounds of interview with a bank. it was a bottom-up interview process and i am expecting them to revert sometime next week with the outcome. things started off very positively and the chemistry was really good. very structured environment, clear objectives ahead. office near my place. its been 2 weeks since i spoke to the potential reporting manager and frankly (and objectively), i am beginning to ask if the chemistry could have been better. i don't know.

secondly, i had also gone for an exploratory chat with another company last friday. this was a family-run company with a huge asia pac footprint and the top man is known to be a very benevolent person who is very philosophical and whose thoughts are very ill-structured. the chat was with the head of the function and ended very positively. she had asked for me to go through a series of interviews to allow the reporting manager and senior management to get to know me and me them. in a way, this was a top-down process and the function head had kicked start the recruitment process. as of now, i have completed all the psychometric tests required and they have arranged for a series of interviews. and to cut short the process, they have also asked for my expectations (in terms of package) so that they can work out something quickly. all these were in view of the possibility of an offer by the bank next week. and so, their request to me was - try to delay as long as possible. i must add that although the chemistry was very good, the scope of the job was very conceptual (aka fuzzy) and unclear as the position is new and the scope of this position is very much the personal interest of the top man now. the office is in town but very accessible.

thirdly, a headhunter had given my resumé to a former-government related company that had since corporatised. that was last month and they have not gotten back. this is not something i want to pursue but had decided to go ahead and submit my resumé for the "fun" of it. heh...

lastly, another headhunter called last friday and wanted to talk about a role with an mnc. he had asked for me resumé and i have agreed to send it to him. again, this is not something i am keen cos from the initial conversation, the scope did not something like something i'd enjoy doing. nonetheless, it is always good to spread my choices and cast my net wide. all things being equal, it would help me network.

so there. a total of four opportunities and all at at various stage of development. i am not too keen to look at the last two. as for the first two, one is structured and familiar and the other is ill-structured and broad (aka not clear). it would be really great if both make the offers but that would also mean i need to decide which one i want. and this is my current dilemma. i can go along a well charted path or choose another path that is ill-defined and challenging. but of course, i probably want to hold off this stress until both make the offer. and i will probably need to list out the implications for me and make a comparison to help me decide. for all i know, one or worst still, both decide not to make any offers. and if that happens, i'll be back to square one.

lol!

repair works completed

the repair works was completed by about 1-ish yesterday.

the whole works cost me 2.2k but the finish was good. and it was a huge cleaning effort after that. both the maid and i cleaned the house and we did not finish the house until close to 6.30pm. if not for a dinner we had to attend at 7pm, we might have gone on till late evening! 

so for now, everything is back to normal. 

:-)

profiling tools

wow... it's been a long time but i had just been made to go through 4 profiling tools! have done 2 of them before (mbti and disc) but the other two are new to me and it's interesting to see the questions asked. but frankly, i think they are asking the same things but perhaps slightly from different angles.

and i decide to be authentic and not skew the answers when answering.

:-)

headhunter...

am totally not sure why and could only thank my lucky stars. a headhunter called me this afternoon and wanted to pursue a possible opening with an overseas mnc. asked me to submit my resume and that he would arrange for an interview to discuss further my interest areas...

really weird and really interesting. this time round, my transition seemed to be so so so smooth, i have technically not done any active job search. rather, people have been calling me and asking me to consider this and that... i am beginning to fully understand the power of knowing the right people and being helpful to people.

you really never know how someone whom you have helped previously could be your saviour now.

:-)

wow wow wow

ok, i guessed i am a little overwhelmed currently.

went for an exploratory chat with a potential employer this afternoon and the whole conversation ended with the person so keen to want to have me as part of the team that she initiated the resourcing process immediately. and within hours, the talent resourcing person has gotten into contact with me, gotten my details with regards my current package, arranged for follow up interviews with a few persons, etc... and all these rush becos i told them i am in the advance stage of discussion with another company about potential opportunities...

kinda overwhelmed by the speed of this whole conversation and the interest shown. rather exciting i must say. for some reasons, i guessed the conversation allowed them to understand my thoughts about issues like my approach to life, my thinking about how things should be managed, how relationships are important, etc. and the person that interviewed me was very keen to wanna pursue the conversation further. 

anyway, i will wait for the bank to get back to me and see if they are keen to make an offer. as far as this afternoon's exploratory chat was concerned, it was also highly positive and they have asked me to buy as much time as i could so that i can go through the due processes of interviews before i make any decision. so...

lets see how things go. again, i am keeping my options open cos as long as the offer is not accepted, i will still have the flexibility to exercise my options to decide which one is more suitable for me....

:-)

water "rationing"

it felt like water rationing all over again these two days. 

you see, the water to the house was stopped to allow repair works of the water pipes. and in the end, we had to stock up water in the house and on top of that, adjust our daily routines that require huge amounts of water (such as showering at the swimming toilets)!

but it was a good reminder that we shouldn't take our water supply for granted.

:-)

reflecting 2014 (so far)

i started off this year by outlining some broad guidelines to how i wanted to live this year and with the desire to want to make this year a fulfilling year. more than 8 months have passed since. so where am i? how much have i being able to conduct my life according to these broad guidelines? reflecting, i wouldn't say it is a fulfilling year per se for all aspects. and for some, it was beyond what i could control. nonetheless, i think i have fared reasonably ok. i will continue to remind myself about my aims in the months ahead. here's my reflections about 2014 thus far...

personal life

i wanted to continue better managing my priorities better and have meaningful self-time. i think have fared fairly well this area. giving myself the space to watch shows, tan at swimming pools, evening exercises, read some books, etc. and this was in part due to my mum's general improvement in her health and mental state. she was less agitated and i was able to find some better time for myself without causing too much anxiety to her. i supposed her increased forgetfulness also helped. heh... i rate myself 7/10 in this area.

health 

i will be healthy. so i wanted. technically speaking, i had been healthy this year in terms of frequency of flu i experienced. otherwise, i suffered another bout of kidney stones. so i would say, within my controls, i was able to maintain my health. so, yeah... 6/10 for this.

mum 

i told myself i wanted to look after & provide for her to my best abilities. i give myself 9.5/10 for this. and i gave this score in view of her very stable health and mental states over the year. and i deduct the 0.5 points for the fact that i had over the span of the year, also lost my cool (at least in my head) a couple of times. i need to continue to work on my patience.

bee

i wanted to work with him to see how best we can make our time together meaningful. we had somehow come to a common routine of meeting up at least once a week. but as in all relationships, i guess we can make this better. 7/10 for this.

sapphie 

i wanted to give her love & good quality time. i rate myself 8.5/10 for this. i have given her all the attention i needed and can spare. and her growing older and weaker made me realise that her time with me is also fast reducing. i think i will probably lose her in a year or two from now. grand old dame for a dog to be able to live up till then too. heh...

siblings 

told myself i wanted no expectations other than keep them informed of mum's health. i have achieved this fully. no expectations and no tensions. so, for this area - 10/10! 

work 

i wanted to strengthen my team and deepen our professional relationship. for me, a person who loves to coach my staff and assume i can be dispensable, i would love to say i achieve 10/10 in this area. but things were out of my hand. circumstance has it that the change in management saw a huge diminished scope for what my team and all the new projects i had planned at the start of the year got cancelled overnight. this naturally reduced the opportunities and scope where i could develop my staff in. nonetheless, within my abilities, i have made the conscious efforts to increase the opportunities for my staff to undertake more developmental work. and as she did so, coach her and deepen her knowledge. for all that, i rate myself 8/10.

friends 

again, not much expectations in this other that to continue to engage my friends. i am happy to note that i have been able to do this. nonetheless, i also note that i had focus on a small group of friends and have not expand my efforts to a larger group of not-so-close friends. so for this, 8/10.

bloggers

i wanted to continue to blog. the numbers and hopefully, quality of reflections, speak for itself. 10/10.

well, as usual, looking at the trends, generally those goals framed with little or no expectations tend to have fared much better. kinda expected right? so, nett nett, and adding up the scores, i got 74/100 or 7.4/10. is that good (enough)? i supposed it's alright. but, yeah, i could have fared better.

heh heh... let's see whether i can improve this score to at least an 8/10 by the end of this year.

:-)

job portals

i was (and am) quite pissed off with the job-portal monster. i registered an account with it some 3-4 years back and had not really used it since. decided not to use it after it's agent started calling me and kept pushing me to buy their services after some months and i had not bothered about my account there. that was sometime in 2012 (if i recall correctly).

recently, for whatever reasons, i started getting mailers from the portal again. i didn't want to get such mailers and decided to unsubscribe myself from the email list. and that was what i did. i relogged into the portal again and uncheck all the ticked boxes. on top of that i deactivated and cancelled my account. that was the start of my nightmare.

i ended up getting more mailers from them, and this time, even from so-called "employers" using monster services. feeling somewhat irked by the constant spams, i clicked on the "unsubscribe" link provided in the mail. and i was asked to log in to the portal to uncheck the boxes. i tried and naturally, i couldn't as i had deactivated my account!  feeling pissed, i wrote in to the monster contact. there was no response. and the day after, i got more spams. i then decided to escalate the mail to the next level and soon enough, a manager replied, asking for my patience with his team. that was 2 days ago and today, i got more spams...

wtf!

repair works started

following yesterday's cutting and clearing, it was concluded that the repair works will last till friday evening (tomorrow) instead of today. and as of now, the whole house is in a mess.

on top of the stuff that was moved out of the utility room, the house is now covered with a layer of fine sand that resulted from the drilling of the walls. it gonna be a huge challenge cleaning up the mess when the whole repair works is completed tomorrow.

but heh... i have a maid, right? haha... but no, it is not responsible to expect her to clear the whole mess. apart from cleaning the dust, i also intend to make use of this opportunity to throw away stuff that i had kept in the room for many years. admittedly, i feel sentimental about many of these stuff - stuff that i had kept since my schooldays back in the 70s/80s. then again, it is something i need to learn to let go. maybe i should start by clearing the stuff selectively.

let's see how things go.

:-)

"i thought it's tomorrow"

i don't like what is happening.

the contractor was supposed to come this morning at 10.30am. but until 11am, he had not arrived. and as usual, mum got anxious and asked loads of questions - why is he not here? what time did he say he wanted to come? why is he late? etc... and her chain of thought began to also shift as she started asking things like - how much will the repairs cost? do you need to put a deposit? did you bargain with him? how does he look like? and it was non-stop...

it was obvious she was getting anxious. and this anxiety does not do good to me cos i myself was getting irritated with the contractor. i sms-ed the contractor and the next thing i know, he called up. ehhh, my schedule say tomolo leh! how come you waiting for me today? he asked me in teochew. after clarifying the whole issue, he apologized and told me he would get his guys there by the afternoon.

might as well. pushing the start time to the afternoon would allow me to settle mum's lunch first.

let's see how things go...

working from home

tomorrow, mum will not be heading to the rehab centre as they are having an excursion for the residents and mum had opted out of the event. it so happened that i'll be doing the repairs for the leaks tomorrow and i have asked for permission from my new boss to work from home. thought it would be a huge waste of my leave if i were to apply leave and end up working at home. thankfully, after some questioning and assurance that i will return to office if needed, he agreed. 

(if this were my previous chief, she wouldn't even bother to ask me anything)...

:-)

repairing the leaks

the works to repair the leaks will start tomorrow and is expected to last 2 days. from the description of the works, it seemed rather huge. and i was quoted sgd1.4k. from the description of the works involved, it seemed reasonable to me but somehow, people i spoke with told me it might be a bit high. nonetheless, i have decided to just proceed with this contractor.

so, the arrangement is for the contractor to start work about 10.30am and to complete the works by thursday. the whole repairs will include breaking up the false ceilings of both my kitchen and my utility rooms, hacking and breaking parts of the walls of the utility room and possibly kitchen to trace the source of the leaks in concealed pipes, realigning of the pipes out of the wall, hence making it no longer concealed and patching back all the hackings.

let's hope things get resolved after this.