New start

The world look and feel different today…

Random Nothings

Well, have felt the urge to blog lately but on the other hand, have also realised I've somewhat lost the momentum to do so... and today, I am feeling somewhat off and thought it might be good to write something. So, here're some points top of my mind:

• I have invested much energies in coaching and have clocked about 40% of the 100 hours needed for my accreditation. Nonetheless, I still need to take a final module and submit 3 recordings as evidence for my coaching. Will need to continue getting clients for me to practice my coaching. It's been a good journey thus far and I have learned much along the way. And I must say that I am getting pretty good at learning how to detach myself from my client's issues.

• I have had, on at least 3 occasions, clients who broke down halfway through the coaching conversations. When it first occurred, I was somewhat unprepared for it, but over time, I am better prepared and am now a tat better at managing such emotions when it occurs. I am grateful for the trust my clients gave to me when they opened up their thoughts and I am also thankful for them for providing me with the opportunity to partner them in their life's journey. 

• Talking about coachees, I have been pleasantly surprised by some old colleagues (from my previous previous employments over a decade ago) who reached out to me - asking if I am keen to coach them/ their spouses. I am thankful for their support and I believed I must have done something right all these years for them to remember me and to now reach out to me so readily, and allowing me to help them (and for them to help me clock my hours too).

• Had just returned from Hangzhou and Shanghai earlier this week. It was a short but a good trip, especially the weather. It's been crazy warm in Singapore and walking out of the public transport feels like having the aircon vent suddenly bursting into your face! So, despite drizzling half the days I was there, the 12-16C weather in China worked perfectly for me. Apart from that, I also realised that I had forgotten almost everything about Hangzhou and Shanghai since my last visit about 2 decades ago. So, yeah, I kinda enjoyed the trip.

•  Have received updates on and off about the condition of an ex-colleague who suffered from cancer and this morning, received news that he had passed away. Didn't come as a surprise given the increased frequency of updates I got lately. Nonetheless, the news of his passing still made me feel sad. But certainly, it reminded me again that we all walk the same path and sooner or later, everyone of us have to go. So, in a way, I felt happy for him that he had arrived earlier than me.

• Recently, for some reasons, the blog post about my mum's passing was visited by several of my blog readers. I knew about this as it trended in my blog stats. So I took the opportunity to re-read the posts about the final moments before her passing and the immediate few days after that. As I read the details, I realised that despite the 8-9 years, the emotions can still be quite raw. 

• I have been out of work for about 4 months and during this period, I have focused much of my time on coaching. Admittedly, thoughts of whether this is the right path to take did crossed my mind numerous times. And when such thoughts crossed my mind, I do reminded myself of my life now. I supposed such self-doubts are common and I just need to NOT be too harsh on myself and give myself the space to just take things slow, for once in my life. 

• I have been watching clips from instagram and TikTok lately and for some reasons, I keep getting news that I am highly uncomfortable with, politics - local and overseas, wars and tensions, quarrels, etc... you kinda get the drift. I am especially uncomfortable some who complain about anything and everything under the sun and attribute them to the government. If these people have so much complains about their life here, they might as well just migrate and go to another country.

Ok, think I have written enough for now... just wanna write something and get some stuff off my chest. Too much negativities and am just feeling quite down currently. 

Let's hope tomorrow will be better.

Journey on!

It's been slightly more than 2.5 months since I left my corporate life but it felt like forever, given the immense amount of time I have on my hand. It was an interesting journey and at times, rather challenging - emotionally, and psychologically. Admittedly, the financials has not fully hit as I had continued to leverage the remainings of my last drawn salary and my heightened consciousness to be careful with my spendings. Regardless, I expect this to hit me soon (sweat!). All these changes impact not just me but also the people around me. I am sure these transitional pains will go off once things stabilise with time. 

For now, here're what I have done during this period:

• I had gone for 2 vacations - China and Taipei. For the former, I visited Guangzhou, Chengdu, Jiuzaigou, Xi'an and Beijing over a 14-day period. As per my previous trips to China, there were just so many things to see and do. One thing about China is that they advance really fast! It was less than 2-decades since my last visit and the improvements to the infrastructure, quality of life, etc is mind-boggling! The second visit was to Taipei. It was a short 3-day visit during the Chinese New Year. Despite the short duration, it was certainly a good break - temperature, vibes, experiences and all.

• I had started my journey to be a qualified coach. Had subscribed to a coaching course and have thus far completed 2 of the 3 modules. The last module will be the longest and most challenging of the 3 given the extra requirements to submit coaching recordings, attend mentoring sessions, amongst others. But I will wait till May this year before I register for this last module as the government fundings for self-development will only be available from May onwards. Otherwise I will have to pay a substantial amount of money for it. 

• I did a lot of coaching. I need to clock minimally 100 hours as part of my accreditation requirement. Hope to be able to complete this process by the end of the year, or, earlier if possible. Since starting the process last last month, I have achieved 15hrs out of the 100hrs needed. I think it is quite decent. But my clients were largely friends and ex-colleagues. It is not sustainable and I need to expand my client base. I was told that the starting is the most challenging but the numbers of clients will come in from referrals if my coachees find me effective.

• I did a lot of networking. The initial intent was to maintain contact and keep the relationship warm with my ex-colleagues. But over time, the intent also shifted to include expanding my coaching clientele base. The process was most humbling. I experimented with the different approaches - by asking them to let me coach them, to asking people to help me, to... I was not successful many a time. On the whole, this process to seek help forced me to leave my comfort zone and learn how to better market myself. It also allowed me to renew connections. And that is a good thing. 

• I had initiated the process of starting a company. I did this after doing some research online - that individuals need to register a company in order to do business/ provide services to companies on a regular basis.  The process will take perhaps a month, depending on the document verification process. Let's hope it goes through smoothly.

Those were some of the key developments over the last 2.5 months. Admittedly, there were periods where I felt life was going too slow and doubted if I had made the right decision in leaving corporate life. The lack of pay didn't help, to be very honest. Nonetheless, I have tried to maintain as much normalcy in my life as possible (e.g go on trips). And during moments of doubts, I had to frequently remind myself of my longer term aims. It motivated me and helped me move along. So...

Journey on Jeffrey... Jiayou!

2023 - Balancing Acts

This is my annual reflections ahead of the year end. I will leave for China tonight and I probably will not be able to pen my entry on New Year's Eve. 2023 has been an interesting - one that culminated in my decision to make a major change in my career direction. Let's have a run through on 2023.

Professional Life: Keeping the Future in Sight

I started 2023 wanting to improve my workplace conditions but in the end, made the decision to quit my job. I will leave my company end-Dec 23 after 7 full years and 4 different positions. It was a bitter sweet decision for me as objectively speaking, despite the highs and lows, I had had a relatively good 7 years. I had known that at some point in time, I will need to start preparing for my retirement. The lack of motivation in recent months due to the leaders, restructuring and frequent policy flip-flops hastened my decision to quit. I also realized that with my declining energy levels as I age, it would probably be a good time to initiate this process now. Lastly, I was getting too comfortable and needed to put myself into a state of discomfort so that I can push myself to re-establish myself in a new state of balance - one that I can sustain beyond my retirement age.

General Health: Same Old… Almost

There were a couple of health-related worries - a chest pain (cardiac-related) and another where I experienced flashing lights in my left eye. Both turned out to be a one-time off thing and the doctors attributed them to aging. Otherwise, it was the usual URTI issues that I get every couple of months. But I do note that since my COVID infection last year, simple a sore throat tend to drag on for days and develop into extended periods of flu these days. Not very comfortable. And I do see the same happening to people around me. I supposed this will be the new order of things and norm for all of us.

Physical Well-Being: Balancing Act (I)

Apart from the usual age-related pains, I managed to keep my health relatively stable. I had gone for my regular health, heart, kidney etc check-ups and were assured by the doctors/ specialists that I was well and stable. And I attribute this to the daily walks and fresh air that I insisted on even when I work late. Apart from that, I continued to keep my lifestyle balanced - no over-indulgences in anything - food, alcohol, etc. and to ensure I maintained my weight within a specific range. I could not afford to risk long term issues with short term over-indulgences. 

Mental Well-Being: Balancing Act (II)

I did relatively ok in managing my mental well-being this year. Objectively, I had my fair share of highs and lows this year in many aspects of my life - personal, relationship, friends, family, work, etc. Many a times, these threatened to derail my overall mental well-being. And similar to the physical health, there were numerous trade offs. A simple example would be - despite knowing my plans to leave the company (and where I will have no income), I decided to continue with my travel plans. But knowing the potential financial impact, I focused on regional locations that were relatively cheaper. Otherwise, being blessed with supportive family, friends and colleagues gave me the support I needed during moments when I needed it. 

Professional Life: A New Beginning

I started this reflection talking about my professional life and I would like to end it with the same. Since I made my decision to leave my job in the early part of the year, I have managed to get myself two professional certificates - one as a certified senior practitioner in the space I've been in since I left the military, and the other as a certified adult educator. Truth be told, my decision to leave my job also meant I have effectively decided to leave the industry that I had chosen to join since leaving the military. The certified senior professional status I attained was a personal target I set for myself - to know I am credible and can stand alongside many of my colleagues. For the latter, I do hope it help me open more doors in the times ahead. 

My thoughts might have come across as a little disorganised in this post. But that perhaps captured how my year went in both my professional and personal lives - ups and downs, positives and negatives. On hindsight, I can truly say that 2023 was a year where I did relatively ok, balancing between long and short term needs. I head into 2024 with the aim to reinvent myself. Not too sure what this journey will be like but I need to remind myself to keep healthy and well as I do so. Wish me luck!

I wish one and all a Merriest Christmas and a most Happy and Healthy 2024!

7 years

My last day of employment is Christmas Day. And being a public holiday, I returned all my stuff last Friday. So, I have technically left my company. Must admit I felt somewhat lost... after all, it's been a good 7 full years with the company. 

Gonna take break in China over the next 2 weeks before deciding my next steps.

:-)

I Passed

I passed the paper that I did not make it in my first attempt and in doing so, achieved the requirements needed to qualify for the professional certification. 

So yeah, I’ve done it!

Resignation approved

My resignation has finally been approved. 

A new beginning awaits!

Sick

I’m not sure if it’s anything to do with the fact that I resigned, or that the planning team of the regional summit finally departed for Bangkok, but I came down with a superbly nasty flu almost immediately after that. Took an MC yesterday and slept for almost a solid 24hours after that…

Heavy head, fever, sore throat, lost my voice, terrible cough and the whole works. Otherwise, my ART was negative. I think I’ll have to do my COVID-19 booster soon, it’s been almost a year.

PS: I was, with less than 2 months, tasked to organise a regional summit. And this was a third time this year, being tasked to organise something major at the last minute - just because they trust I can deliver. Despite my protest given my preoccupations with many other pressing tasks, my (now) immediate boss, gave me no choice and literally forced it onto me. I did it very unwillingly cos the team that was supposed to organise it, didn’t act on it until it was too late and I was roped in as “I had done a good job before”. It’s probably my record to organise a regional summit within 2 months. So, enough is enough.

8th Anniversary

 It’s my mum’s 8th death anniversary today.

Tendered

I tendered my resignation today.

I Failed

I did not make it for the certification. In another word, I failed. 

I must admit I felt disappointed. Failing is not something I experience very often. The next thing that went through my mind was - how do I even break this news to the rest of my colleagues? Then again, screw it, it is not something that defines me and I should not be embarrassed about it. It is just a small blip and probably not something I should be surprise, considering employment act and legislation is not something I have to manage on a daily basis as I am a specialist and not a generalist. But whatever it is, it simply reflect the level of unpreparedness and that I have to accept it. It is just a little sour aftertaste for me as I had wanted this to be my swan song before I leave the industry. But I supposed it is not to be. I have written in to ask how I can take a reassessment. 

Until then, let's just move along. 

Certification

I attended my professional certification exams last Thursday.

It was really intense - one that had me walking out feeling dazed and wondering wtf I had just gone through. The exams consisted of 2 papers. The first comprised 30 MCQs that assesses ones’ understanding and applications of local employment laws and legislations. One need to score 50% to pass this paper. The second paper was scenario-based. Four scenarios were provided based on the context of a start up, an SME, an MNC and a government statutory board. Against these background, 8 MCQ questions were asked per scenario that requires the individual, in the capacity of the CHRO, to address specific HR-related issues. Thing is, all answers are logical and right but depending on the context, some answers are more appropriate than the others. So it is almost impossible to know whether one had selected the right answer. And the passing mark for the second paper is 70%! 

Anyway, let's just wait for the results to be announced. It will be a 3-week wait. So, let's see if I passed.

:-)

Slight regrets

Decline…

White Canvas

I had a dream this morning.

In my dream, there were unfamiliar people - and there was someone with a fully tattooed leg. The space I existed in in my dream was white. So white I was almost blinded by it. I was holding on to a canvas board. The kinda board where one would expect lots of scribbles and doodles. But the one I was holding on to was blank. Pure white. Other than this, I cannot recall much about the dream.

It’s the kinda dream that leaves you wondering wtf did I just dream of when you wake up. But yeah, reflecting, I supposed it reflected the anxieties behind my intention to resign. I have a date in my head as to when I should do it and it’s within weeks. Apart from that, I have no plans whatsoever with regards what I should do, where I should go or, for that matter, how I should unfold this next chapter of mine.

Maybe that’s the white board I was holding.

Let’s see…

Being Selfless

I took a pause when I typed the title. I wondered if it would be more apt to title this post “Being Selfish”. Anyway…

I must say I have often asked if I should be more selfish in how I conduct my life. Have often been taken for granted in life - both professionally and personally - and it felt shitty. And during such moments, thoughts like - I care for this or that, but who’s there to care for me? Where’s the reciprocal engagement when I need it? Or, you can add more and more things onto my plate because I can deliver, but where is the tangible recognition when it is due? Perhaps such moments hit hard when you feel down. And it also comes with the realization that there are unstated expectations of some form of gratifications, or even a simple acknowledgment/ thank you. That is not too much to ask, right? 

I am human; and there is a limit to how much I can give, before I breakdown.

Words & Questions

When uttering words, be very careful. Words can heal and words can kill. Sometimes, asking questions can be a better start to a conversation.

When asking questions, be extra careful. Questions with implied answers can damage relationships. Examples of such questions include - do you expect me to…

Interesting Turn of Events

I almost terminate my employment two weeks back. But I held back as I didn't want to take that action when I was so emotional. I will probably not go into the details of why I was emotional but suffice to say I felt taken for granted when I was asked to undertake the planning of a major regional event as the person who was tasked to do it sat on it till it was too late and my chief conveniently tasked it to me as "I had the experience of planning it and I can do so again". To top it off, my reporting manager didn't support me despite me calling out that it would be too stretch for me as I was heavily involved in another major project. 

And last week, my reporting manager informed me that come 1 Oct, there will be a department reorg and I will be reporting to the guy who sat on the project. With this announcement, it is even more difficult for me to terminate my service. Doing so would to send a wrong message that my termination of service is because of him. It would make the whole thing too personal. Regardless, I will definitely want to leave the company very soon. If I do not do so soon, I will never ever move away from my comfort zone and this will slow down my transition process. I just need to bite the bullet, suffer the financial setback for the immediate short term and rebuild my career again. At age 57, it is definitely risky but I supposed water will always find its own level eventually. 

I just need to start the process.

Sick

I’ve never experience a flu so bad I was given a total of 3 days MC and 2 weeks of antibiotics, cold tablets, cough mixture, etc. Had initially thought it was Covid but it wasn’t. 

It all started 2 Thursdays ago when I felt a little oozy. And on Friday, the flu got bad. I had assumed I would be able to recover over the weekend, but no, it gotten even worst on Sunday and I went to see my family physician. I was given an MC on Monday, but I was still totally bad when I returned to work on Tuesday. The company doctor gave me an additional 2 days MC and a whole lot of medications - cold tabs, cough syrup, antibiotics, something to dissolve my phlegm, etc… the condition didn’t improve… 

I lost my voice, had superbly bad congestion, and couldn’t speak without breaking into violent cough. This was one week out since the flu started. Went back to the doctor and was given another bag of medications, this time round she increased the dosage and added a few other stronger medication including nasal spray, steroids, etc. She jokingly said what I have is akin to bronchitis and if the condition doesn’t improve, she will have to send me for further checks and x-ray…

Sighs. 

Postponed to Sep

Had previously signed up for my professional certification end-Aug but felt it was too rush and have since postponed it to end-Sep. Gonna get back to mugging! 

:-)

Completed ACLP2.0

I have finally completed my module 3 and with this, I have fulfilled the full requirements of ACLP2.0! Here’re some key reflections of my 4-month journey:

• The course content itself was not difficult tbh. But I felt the course design was a tat too skewed towards formal instructions. Given current industry shift towards workplace learning, I thought it would be more effective if more hours could be allocated to workplace learning.

• My biggest takeaway from the course was the people. The instructors were warm and made good efforts to help us through the course. And my coursemates were a bunch of really nice people. They were really supportive and fun to be with. I must confessed that I was more energised when I was attending class compared to when I go to work. 

• Also, several of the instructors in the institute were ex-military persons whom I know. They had left the forces some time back and have established themselves well in the adult training field. Blessed to reconnect with them and they gave me good suggestions with regards how to transition out of corporate life.

Looking forward to planning for my transition.

Completed Module 2

I’ve completed my Module 2. One more to go before I head off for my break and then to prepare for my certification that will take place end of Aug! 

Pant pant!

:-)

Forgetfulness

For the first time, I forgot to turn off the flame when I made hard boiled egg today… 

Certification

Had signed up for a professional certification in HR. Exams projected end-Aug 23. Hope I can make it. Otherwise, will have to postpone to a later date.

Completed Module 1

I had completed my first module and am well into my second module. Looking forward to complete the whole course by mid-Aug 23.

Why have I not resigned...

I am totally not motivated at work. The reasons range from me having absolutely no chemistry with my immediate boss, being disillusioned with the leadership team, and feeling overwhelmed with work. These led to me feeling unappreciated, and disengaged. There were days where I totally didn't want to go to work. And this is probably why I have been feeling exhausted and prone to falling sick these days. But despite the strong desire to move on, I am still working becos I want to:

• Complete the course I am currently attending first (by Aug 23)
• Settle my new hire in properly (possibly by Oct 23? Nov 23?)
• Stretch my current salary for as long as I can...

So for as long as I am still in my current company, I will continue to be professional and do what I need to do. And while at it, I hope to be able to do:

• Establish a new stream of steady income
• Establish a network of professional contacts

To be really honest, stretching my current salary for as long as I can is not realistic as I need to devote energies to the latter 2. It would be wearing me too thin if I were to do them while working. And even as I am writing this, it is clear to me that I have been circling around and around the whole idea of financial stability. And this, I reckoned, is based on the assumption that I will be a lot worst off once I lost my current source of income. Perhaps I am just too risk averse and have made unjustified assumptions that I will not be able to earn a reasonable income to sustain after I resign. Maybe...

I think should take a leap of faith and just resign when the time comes. 

And that time is Oct 23? Nov 23? 

Interesting month...

This last few weeks were rather interesting. I literally see the major milestones of life happening almost altogether at once.

I welcomed the arrival of a newborn boy yesterday - that of a friend who had acknowledged me as his godfather. I visited the couple at the hospital and it felt really good to be able to welcome a newborn into this world - all the more so when this baby is as good as my god-grandchild. It was also really interesting to see them learn how to handle a newborn baby. I also got invited to a wedding of a cousin's son (my nephew). I had seen how this nephew of mine grow up and now he is getting married! Time really flies. And lastly, five deaths happened - my ex-boss's mother, my aunt, my old neighbour's mother, ex-army mate's father and a distant cousin. All these happened almost back-to-back. Certainly not the best news to receive especially when it was news of a relative and a close neighbour who had watched my grow up. But it was good to be able to catch up with old connections. Just wished it was for better reasons. 

I supposed I am at the stage in life where I will get to experience a lot of such life's celebrations. More to come in the very near future I'm sure. 

Preparing for career transition

I am currently into the third week of a course on adult learning. The certificate I will obtain upon graduation will contribute to my journey as a trainer in the Singapore training landscape. Been quite refreshing so far interacting with my course mates who are all younger than me and come from different industries. Am almost completing my first module. Two more to go and I should complete the course early Aug 23.

Looking forward to completing this first milestone in my career transition journey.

Energizing chat

I had a most energising chat with my ex-CHRO from my previous company yesterday. I had kept in contact with her over the last decade and we have become good friends. Through the many years, she had given me invaluable advice with regards my career, and this time round was no exception. And so, over afternoon tea yesterday, I shared about the key developments over the last 8 months or so - my counseling sessions, my relationship with my boss, work environment, colleagues, etc. She, in turn, shared with me her perspectives about the situation. Here're the long and short of her sharing:

• Since I already know what I want, I should just spearhead forward and focus on building for the future. Take the courses I want to take, and don't waste my energies trying to be too safe in wanting to hold on to a job that is dragging me down, not withstanding the fact that it is paying me quite decently. Objectively and realistically, I will experience a period of uncertain renumeration, but in the long run, things will stabilise and I should be able to reach a new equilibrium - one that will be able to see me through beyond my retirement age.

• From her observations of me and my work attitudes, it would be, in her opinion, very difficult for me to divide my energies on 2 major fronts at the same time. She rightfully pointed out that I have always been the type of person who would focus all my energies to get what I want done, and do it well. And so, by trying to hold on to a job while concurrently juggling my energies to prepare myself for my next phase of my career, I might end up not being effective in both. And for that, I would be doing myself a disservice.

• As for my boss, her take is that I have achieved so much things in my professional life and I am far more qualified and abled than what I had deemed myself to be. As such, I should not put myself through all the nonsense that my boss is subjecting me to - trying to box me into a role that is way below what I am capable of. She reminded me that by doing so, I may end up doubting my own abilities without realizing it and become demoralised, and that was how I ended up needing to go through counseling.

But she acknowledged and respected the fact that I am very much the product of the Singaporean system and tend to be more risk adverse and am very careful in my decision-making. Nonetheless, she is of the opinion that at my age (we are about the same age), I should seriously consider going ahead and jump head on with my next phase in my career choice. I do thank her for very candid and upfront sharing. 

It was a good reminder... 

A wake up call

Two weeks ago, I experienced frequent bouts of breathlessness. For some weird reasons, I couldn't breathe and had to take very deep breaths. And despite that, I couldn't seemed to get my lungs filled and I ended up gasping for breath - not dissimilar to how a fish would struggle when it is out of water.

These experiences troubled me enough to make me seek medical help. I visited my company doctor who, in turn, referred me to my cardiologist and they both put me through a series of tests. The tests included a blood test, x-ray, ecg, ultrasound of the heart, etc... as they wanted to ascertain if my breathlessness was due to a recurrence of asthma, or something more dangerous - that of a heart failure or some lung issue. Thankfully, the test results turn out fine - my heart was ok, and so was the lungs. But the blood test showed some abnormality - my white blood cell count was a tat lower than what it should have been. The doctors concluded that I could possibly have an internal viral infection that would clear after a couple of days but otherwise, there was nothing that I should be too concerned about. 

Admittedly, going through the tests and hearing the cardiologist explaining about the possibility of a heart failure, or lung issues, etc made me realise how close I was to having a life threatening situation. I never felt so vulnerable until then and it made me to sit up and rethink about life...

Living with COVID

It's interesting to see how people respond to the latest spike in COVID cases. I see governments in the region advising their people to wear masks to protect themselves, avoid crowded places, etc. 

But what is interesting is that the Singapore government is simply telling us to make sure our vaccinations is current, and that we should just go on with life and be socially responsible as we do so. This includes maintaining good personal hygiene, don a mask if we are unwell, do our ART before interacting with elders and people whose immunity are compromised, and so on. Of cos, there is a caveat - should the capacities of public health facilities be overwhelmed, public safe measures like restricting crowds might be done. Otherwise, we should learn to live with the virus and just go on with our lives as normally as possible. This, I believe, is the right approach.

We must accept that the virus is not going away anytime soon, will continue to mutate and more of us will get re-infected as we live with the virus. Objectively, getting reinfected may not necessary be a bad thing. It helps our immunity get updated with the latest strain of the virus. And the next time when a new, and possibly, a more lethal strain appears, we will be better protected. As for why regional governments are asking their citizens to don the masks and minimise going out, I can only suspect their vaccinated/ boosted rate is a lot a lot lower than Singapore and many may have lost their immunity to the virus.

Well, whatever the case, please keep well, keep calm and…

Live on.

Embarrassed

Lately, I reconnected with some long time friends and learned about things that made me feel bad and embarrassed.

What they shared was consistent - it’s about things my ex did - from borrowing large amounts of money and not repaying, to cheating, to lying to gain favours, etc. One of them had even gotten into troubles because of this. And despite him not repaying or creating troubles for them, they have kept quiet about it cos they didn’t want to embarrass me.

What made me felt bad was that they entertained him because of me. And they have not spoken about it until now. It’s been some time and they have acknowledged their misjudgment and accepted that they will probably not get their monies back.

Sighs.

Time waits for no man

I went to see my family doctor this morning. Had visited this doctor since 5 years old and understood from my mum he operated on me when they discovered a growth on my neck. It’s been almost 52 years.

The doctor is now in his 80s and in recent years, his son (who is also a general practitioner) has taken more responsibilities treating patients at the clinic. As a patient, it is not my habit to ask after the doctor’s  health and I’ve never done so in my life. But today, seeing this old, weak and feeble doctor, I couldn’t help but asked him how he has been and if his health is ok. It must have surprised him for his face lit up a little as he explained that he had had a fall 3 months ago. The fall left him with a broken humerus and till today, has not fully recovered. I also noted he now walks unsteadily. I asked him to take care of himself before leaving the consultation room.

We may have a patient-doctor relationship but this man is one whom I have deep respects for. He has been a very caring person who, in the years passed, went beyond his call of duty to attend to the community and many spoke fondly of him. He has at times refused payment especially for people who were struggling financially. Over the years I have established a form of relationship that’s hard to explain. He knows my whole family and often asked about them. Anyway, I wished him well and left. I couldn’t help but wonder if I will ever get to see him again if and when I fall sick next. 

We all walk the same passage of time and I acknowledge the mortality of everyone. His time is not too far given his advanced age. One day, my time will come too. Birth, aging, sickness and death - all inevitable fact and passage of life that all of us have to go through. 

I wish him well, I really do.

It's mid-Feb 23

It's already mid-Feb 23. Time passes very quickly these days. Maybe it’s an age thing. Here's a run down of my last month:

• Hong Kong came and went. I was glad I insisted on the trip. HK had just done away with quarantine and regular tests, and was on the verge of opening fully to China. So the trip, that occurred during the first week of Lunar New Year, wasn't too packed with PRCs. The weather, at 10 - 20C, was perfect for hikes. We hiked the Lantau Peak and the Lion Rock. We encountered more foreigners as we climbed higher (seemed to be the same everywhere). We also managed to walk around Mongkok, TST, Causeway Bay, visited temples, and enjoyed the local foods. It was a really lovely trip.

• Family featured significantly over the last few weeks. The highlight was my second niece's wedding. I was surprised to get her invite last year, as I wasn't invited to her sister's wedding 8 years back. It reflected the improved relationship between my eldest sis and I. At the church, I was that proud uncle who watched my niece take her vows. I asked my eldest if I would be involved in the tea ceremony. She said - of course, you are the uncle and have a very high status. And so for the very first time, I had the honour of being served tea by my niece and her husband. To top it off, my grand-nephew (my eldest niece's son, who was already 5 years old) chatted with me and called me ku-kong (maternal grand uncle). It felt really good.

• I joined my paternal aunts and cousins for their annual Lunar New Year steamboat dinner. I do not  always look forward to such gatherings, but I will make it a point to attend reunion dinners. I am not sure if it is an ominous sign but for the first time this year, my elderly (second) uncle didn't attend the dinner. Also, I noted that my (eldest) aunt had started to show signs of water retention in her legs. It reminded me of my mum in her final months. I hope I am wrong, but I fear the worst to come in the coming year. 

• I cancelled my counselling sessions and the appointment with the mental health specialist. I know perfectly well the issues behind my transition anxiety and what I must do about it. Admittedly, work was a key reason. Apart from talking to my boss, a clear course of action was to leave my company. These are things that need time to plan. And I didn't want to feel pressured into taking actions if I were to visit the specialist/ counsellors. I also think my anxiety was made worst by my tendency to overthink issues. I need to learn to manage myself.

• Work has stabilised - for now. And with this, the anxiety had eased off. But the thought of moving on remained. I chatted with some colleagues who was serving their notice. They shared that progression, promotions, etc motivated them to move on. For me objectively, I am at the stage of my life where I do not want to invest more energies to restart myself in another senior corporate role. It is too draining. And I want to focus on preparing for retirement. So for now, I want to stretch my current employment for as long as I can as I prepare myself for my transition. 

• I recently caught up with a long time friend. He was retrenched late last year and had chosen to retire. Since then, he had been keeping busy with traveling and enjoying his life. I had known him since we were 14 years old and had grown up (and old) with him. Our lives couldn't be more different. For one, he has amassed enough resources to ensure his wife and children are all well-provided for for their current and next life if he were to pass away now (so he claimed). I do not think I will ever retire the way he did. I just do not have the resources to do so, and even if I do, I will still want to work. In our earlier years, we work for the money. In our more mature years, we work to keep ourselves mentally engaged. 

• And oh, I have some days of leave to clear before end-Mar and I have just booked another trip to HK. So yeah, come mid-Mar I will be in HK for a good 5 days. Going away is what I want to do and I do have several key considerations when planning trips. For short 3-5 day trips, I would prefer places I am familiar with, not too expensive, and importantly, weather must be cooling as far as possible. I want to be very focused - fly, land, enjoy... don't sweat over stuff like - having to learn the local transport system, navigate the people and place, etc. So, yeah, HK is it. Again. Haha!

I look forward to Mar 23. 

A slow but good start to 2023

This is my first actual post of 2023 and I want to call out some of the positives. They include:

• Will be making a trip to Hong Kong this coming CNY week. I really felt the itch to go overseas. Will spend 5 days there and we have made plans to climb the Lantau Peak. I am uncertain if I can still make it up the 934m peak but I’ll try. To give myself peace of mind, I included existing illness in my travel insurance in case I get any heart complications during the trip. Wish me luck. 

• Went for my cardio check up last week. It so happened that I had some stabbing chest pains lately and the cardiologist decided to put me on the treadmill after I told him of my impending trip. Despite missing a couple of heartbeats, I managed to continue running for 12min. This was 1min more compared to last years’ test. So, I passed the test and he cleared me for the trip!

• Spent some good time with a long time friend who returned from the States with his family late-Dec 22. During his 2-weeks here, I managed to meet up with him twice - once in a group setting with our fellow army friends and again with him alone for lunch. Despite the short duration of the meet ups, it felt good to be able to catch up face-to-face after 4 years. All too soon, he had to return home to San Jose, CA. 

• Went for 2 sessions of counseling in mid-Jan to help me manage my transition anxiety. One session was with the medical social worker and the other with a professional counsellor. The sessions were arranged to let me to experience the difference in the 2. I thought the private counsellor did a much better job. Objectively, I actually know what the issues were and what I needed to do. Nonetheless, the counseling sessions gave me an outlet to vent.

• On the work front, the boss went on an extended vacation. Together with the year end/ new year breaks, things at work were so much less stressful. And for the first time in the last 6-7 years, I was almost not involved in the annual planning exercise. As a result, much of my transition anxieties eased off. Let’s hope it stays this way.

Ok, those were some of the highlights over the last couple of weeks. 2023 started off relatively slow for all of us, given the extended holiday feel since last Christmas. Looking forward to my HK trip. Things will likely pick up after that. Happy Lunar New Year to all!

:-)

2023 - My Focus

Here's consolidated list of what I want to focus on in 2023:

• Keep healthy and well
• Travel
• Seek better workplace conditions
• Play my role well
• Value people who trust me
• Create a better home environment

Let's go!

2022 - Contrast

I had reflected much mid-2022 and I will simply adapt from/ add on to the mid-year post. 2022 was a year where we slowly came to terms with life post-pandemic - a life that was somewhat similar to pre-COVID days but with many changes in the way we perceive things, and conduct our lives. Let's take a look at my 2022:

Health & Well-being

I wanted to focus on my health and well-being in 2022. Other than the COVID-19 infection in Jan 22 and the effects I continued to experience, my health remained relatively good - no relapse of kidney stones, heart remained stable, cleared my 3-/ 6-monthly health checks, got myself vaccinated & boosted, etc. I had also continued my daily walks and hikes to the central reserve areas. My mental well-being took centre stage this year. I took a 6-month sabbatical from Apr - Sep to get away from the workplace. Apart from giving myself the time and space to consolidate my life and finances, catch up with many friends, and travel, I was also able to rekindle quite a few hobbies such as macrame, crochet, and gardening. I also managed to travel out of country - something that I couldn't do during the pandemic. I went back to work in Oct 22, optimistic of the new role I would assume. The sabbatical did wonders to address the burn out I suffered. However, given the many changes at the workplace, the positive effects wore out very quickly. I ended the year with transition anxiety disorder. Despite the less than rosy end to the year, I thought I had handled my health and well-being relatively well in 2022 - the sabbatical, the continued walks, the stable health overall, etc. For 2023, I will continue to work hard on my health and well-being. 

Travels

The world gradually opened up in 2022. It was exciting to be able to travel again after being trapped on this tiny island for so many months. My first trip was to Malaysia in Feb 22. It was somewhat a blessing in disguise that I had COVID the month before for it allowed me to be exempted from some of the tests etc that were imposed both in Malaysia and Singapore. Since then, I had done 5 - 6 trips up north - including twice where I drove all the way up to Penang! Objectively, I'd prefer to head off to cold countries for holidays but that would mean having to pay for the airfares etc. So the next best alternative was to take trips to Malaysia as it has this 1970/ 80-easy going vibes that contrasts starkly with Singapore's ultra-modern and somewhat clinical and boring feel. The highlight of my travels was the trip in Jul/ Aug 22 where my partner and I spent a good 16 days in Scotland/ England. It was the longest trip for me in over 2-decades and we managed to cover many places that I had wanted to visit since my childhood days. The cold weather was a welcome change compared to the warm and humid Singapore! These trip contributed significantly to my health and mental well-being. For 2023, I will continue travelling!

Work-Life

Work happened in the first and last quarters of 2022. In between, I went on a 6-month work break to address my burn out (following a very difficult 2021) and to get the performance bonus I so deserved. During the sabbatical, I was able to spend good time by myself and achieved much things. I felt much energised after the sabbatical. Regrettably, whatever positive effects I got from the sabbatical dissipated within a month or two after I returned to work. Without going too much details, let’s just say I have a boss whose promises of resources and support were nothing but lip service. I now have a lot of work but no one to help me. It didn't help that the office I returned to was relatively foreign-feeling with a lot of new colleagues and processes. It's not a good place to end the year with. This was one major factor that contributed to my transition anxiety disorder. Unless things improve, I will have to rethink the way ahead professionally and possibly make some hard decisions in 2023. Let's cross the bridge when the time comes. For 2023, I will seek better workplace conditions for myself.

Me & My Family

I had much time to catch up with myself over the course of the year. This was due to the extended periods of times when my partner returned to his home country and during my sabbatical where I spend most of the day to myself. But I was not lonely. I was able to catch up with my hobbies, reflect on and consolidate my life, and catch up with many colleagues and friends, etc. It was certainly most energising. Life with my partner had its ups and downs but on the whole, it was stable. He changed his job towards the end of the year and together with my returning to work, there was quite a major shift in our routines. I supposed this also contributed to the transition stress for me. On the family-front, my relationship with my eldest sis improved. There were more contacts and I made a visit to her place mid-year. Her second daughter (my niece) had also invited me to her upcoming wedding end-Jan 2023. Other than that, things with my second sis and the extended family (my paternal aunts/ uncle) were as normal as it could possibly be. There were the usually meals, visitations, sharing of home cooked food, etc. But one thing was clear, with each passing year, everyone of us are getting on with age. My aunts/ uncle are in their 70s/ 80s. My eldest sis is also down with some health issues. I wish them health and that they will live for many more years. For 2023, I will continue playing my role - as a partner, brother, cousin, nephew, uncle, or for that matter, granduncle - well.

My Friends

I was more selective with who I wanted to spent time with. Life is too short to give my energies to people whom I feel did not trust me. This sentence described my attitudes towards my friends in 2022. It was not usual for me - a person who would usually go all out for my friends - to be like this. But that was how I was. Two groups of friends made an impact on me in 2022 - my long time friends, and my tigerair (and one scoot) friends. Amongst my long time friends, one of them retired towards the end of 2022. Frankly, I felt somewhat jealous that he could do so so comfortably (given the very positive financial position of his). I do not think I will ever be like him. But I was really happy for him. Another long time friend is Jeremy - my unofficial “tee” aka little brother. 2022 was a stressful year for him - challenges at work, changed job, and amidst these changes, he moved house. Not easy for both him and his wife Margaret. I didn’t think I helped much, but was glad he kept me in the know. I was glad to see his career picking up again and things ending smoothly for them by year end. My tigerair (and one scoot) friends were the ones I hanged out with most through the year. A few from the group have drifted (as to be expected, by choice or otherwise) but on the whole, I was thankful for their friendship and presence. Most of them are in their 30s and at this age, getting partnered, pregnant, miscarriage, give birth, death of family members, etc were the order of the day through the year. For a gay person like me, friends like these are the closest I can ever get to in lieu of a proper family of my own and their respective life journeys, and ups and downs shaped much of my 2022 experiences. For 2023, I will continue valuing people who trust me and build on the friendship.

My Physical Environment

I have specially dedicated a paragraph to my physical environment. Physical environment plays a significant part in shaping our daily experiences and contributes directly to our well-being. Firstly, home. I decided to finally give my home a facelift. It was something that I had procrastinated for the longest time. So just before I started my sabbatical, I got a contractor to repaint the house, the doors and polished the parquet flooring. I went on to install shelves in my utility area, digital lock for the main door, changed the living room furniture, bought a Chinese table lamp, and organised a small garden at my balcony! It's really nice these days to get visits by birds, butterflies, and an occasional bees. It's nice to be able to live in an environment that is physically pleasing to the senses. Regrettably, I cannot say the same for my workplace. In my new role, I am not longer based in the Raffles Place. Instead, I now work from the headquarters in an open office that comprise close to a hundred other colleagues. Will need time to get use to such work environment. There is not much I can change for my work environment but for 2023, I will make sure my home environment continues to be as homely as it can possibly be!

2022 was a year of contrast. I will probably feel the impact of 2022 well into 2023. It could possibly mark the start of my transition to an eventual retirement. With Lunar New Year round the corner, I have noted many Chinese zodiac predictions about an upswing in luck for persons born in my year (year of the horse). Well, I am not a superstitious person and don't really believe in predictions. But I supposed there is nothing wrong in hoping for the best. 

Happy 2023!

:-)

Bivalent Booster

I had my 5th shot last week. It was a Moderna bivalent booster. Some people I spoke to wondered in amazement that I had bothered to keep up with the series of booster shots. To me, the logic is simple - it is for my own protection and at my age, I am probably more susceptible to serious illness if I catch the virus. So, if I do not look after myself, who will. Right?

Talking about this, I do have a cousin who spams me daily with non-stop whatsapp messages with links to rumble.com. She is totally against vaccination and from her whatsapps, I can only conclude that she believes there is a conspiracy/ bigger evil force out there that is trying to kill people, or cheat people or… whatever. I simply block her from my whatsapp.

To each his/ her own I guess.

Peacefully

I think of

My mum as she took her last 2 breathes
And how her body relaxes as she goes off 
Peacefully

And I smile

Restarting Again

I have started work again since 3 Oct. It's been 2 over superbly exhausting week. And it's not because I have a lot of work, but rather, I am still adjusting to the new rhythm of daily life - the new daily routines, the settling in to a whole new environment, new boss, new colleagues, etc... I think I will need a couple of weeks more to settle in.

And of cos, I have to constantly remind myself not to be too harsh on myself. Take things slow, observe the surroundings, refresh myself with the work processes and requirements, get to know people, build new relationships as I re-establish old ones. I am technically a "new" employee and I must give myself the time and space to enjoy this "honeymoon" period! 

:-)

Beard & Moustache

I shall write about my facial hair in this post. 

• I tend to suffer razor burns when I visit cold and dry countries and decided to give myself a shaving break during my recent UK trip (in end-Jul). As a result, my moustache and goatee grew. The unkempt look during the initial days didn't bother me. I was on holiday and was in the midst of strangers. After my holidays, I continued keeping it as it has grown quite nicely. 

• The last time I had a moustache was during my undergrad days. It lasted no more than a few weeks. I couldn't accept the untidy look. Most Chinese tend to be smooth naturally and need more time for our facial hair to grow. Most also have goatees and not a full beard like what you see in people of European, and Northern Indian origins.

• Why keep a moustache during my undergrad days? I wanted to do what I wouldn't/ couldn't do after I graduate. As a contract soldier on a training award, I had to return to the forces during my vacation and immediately after my final year examinations end. So I kept a little pony tail, grew a moustache, etc as a student.

• Why did I not keep a goatee back then? I supposed it was due to my military "up-bringing". In my basic military training days, we were not allowed to keep a beard unless it is for religious reasons (e.g. Sikhs). As a general rule-of-thumb to keeping neat and tidy - hair above the lips is "personal property", whereas those below is "government property".

• My hair has greyed much. I now have a head of black and grey hair (“salt & pepper”). Interestingly, there are more grey hair in my moustache and goatee. As a comparison, there are about 30-40% grey hair on my head whereas for my moustache and goatee, it 60-70%. And looking at my late-parents, I doubt I will end up with a full head of grey hair.

Ok, so much about my facial hair. People around me have seen my new look and and a couple of my gay friends have even suggested that my "market value" has increased. Well, "market value" was not on my mind when I started it. Nevertheless, I must say I do notice a couple more people (both women and men) giving me second looks. I hope it was not because I look out of place. Chinese men with goatee are a rare sight here. Then again, I was probably just a wee bit more self-conscious with this new look. 

:-P

My final trip

I will be making another trip to Malaysia before I resume my work in Oct. And similar to the trip I made in Apr (when I started my sabbatical), I will be visiting places such as KL, Penang, Ipoh, Johor Baru (JB) and possibly Melaka. This long 1200+ km drive is not something I would do normally and I half suspect is part of my feeble attempt to "stretch" my sabbatical. 

Will end my trip in JB where I will attend a wedding dinner of a friend on 1 Oct.

Back to Work

Since speaking with my HR sometime back, I have decided to head back to my company. The job that has been broadly scoped for me is rather exciting. It's a new port folio and I have the ability to shape the size of the role. I will also be required to set up my team from scratch and for a start, a new headcount has been given to me. So, yeah, will start work again in 2 weeks. Objectively, one part of me still wants to continue with this semi-retired lifestyle that I have gotten used to. But of cos, I am fully aware that I will need to re-engage socially and head back to work. And not to mention, the constant source of income and medical benefits that an employment will provide.

Queen Elizabeth II - RIP

I was saddened by the sudden passing of Queen Elizabeth II. Despite knowing it will come, it still didn't seem real when it happened. 

70 years of dedicated service - longest of any monarch in British history and a period that saw unprecedented changes in the world and to the monarchy. She was truly a remarkable person. Her passing marked the end of the Elizabethan era, an era never to be seen nor experienced again by the world. 

I have been following the royal funeral formalities in BBC daily and it felt surreal. It was not too long ago that we visited Holyroodhouse Palace (and where I marvelled at this picture depicting Her Majesty in her Scottish regalia against the Scottish countryside background), the Royal Mile, Edinburg Castle, and so on. These memories are still so vivid and fresh. 

She will be sorely missed by many. 

Please rest in peace.

Going back to work

I had a long talk with my HR over lunch 2 weeks back. She iterated how my big boss values me and that she (my big boss) looks forward to my returning. She updated me on all the changes that have happened during my absence, and the many growth areas that the department is currently focusing on. According to her, my big boss is open to letting me scope what I want to do, even if it means doing a contract role based on a 3- or 4-day work week. Thought it was interesting. 

To her request that I propose a JD for her, I have, on the other hand, told her what I don’t want to do and asked her to propose the areas they would like for me to do instead. I have also asked that she work on the basis of me returning full-time. If things do not work out, I will still be able to re-negotiate the job scope. Objectively, I need to get back to work life. I need the money and the mental engagements too, although a small part of me still wants to continue my carefree sabbatical days. 

:-)

England & Scotland

16 days... one of the longest trip I have made in recent memory! It was a refreshing trip and I must say, one of those where towards the end, you feel you have had enough and wants to return to the comforts of home, and I do add - to start work. LOL! Spent a good 16 days travelling around Scotland (Edinburgh, Inverness, Isle of Skye [lotsa places], Glasgow) and England (Manchester, Birmingham, Wareham, Bath, Brighton & London) and finally got to visit 2 places that I had read so much of but never got to visit - Inverness (home to the Loch Ness monster) and Stonehenge. 

Here're some quick call outs about the trip:

• Lovely to be able to move about without the face mask (even in public transport). We were a little apprehensive initially but decided to join the crowd eventually. We were, after all, vaccinated, boosted, and had gotten COVID before.

• Scotland was really beautiful, especially with the mountains and the lakes. It's no wonder they call it the Highlands. Lovely sceneries but the weather was a tat erratic. I really like Inverness. Its just about the right size to walk around, and people were really nice.

• Although it wasn’t planned, we got to experience the locations in Edinburg that inspired JK Rowling when she wrote the Harry Porter series. Also, by sheer coincidence, it was Peter Rabbit’s birthday when we visited his birthplace in Windermere!

• The small roads across Scotland and England were mostly single lane and narrow. It was rather stressful to drive on these roads, especially when there were many reckless drivers who chose to speed, even when the roads were wet and slippery (and I do suspect many were tourists from Europe, judging by the vehicle number plates).

• The smaller towns were really charming, with the rows of old buildings and manicured gardens - very Scottish & English indeed. We also had lots of fish & chips, haggis, pies, scones, etc... but, admittedly, at some point, we yearned Asian food!

• I had a deeper understanding of the history of Scotland and England and experienced the richness of the culture through the castles, foods, and people. And it was interesting to hear the different accents as we travelled from Scotland towards S England.

• I enjoyed the grandeur of the palaces and abbeys. The displays of chandeliers, paintings, jewelry, etc were just mind blowing. And it was just nice that our visit coincided with the Platinum Jubilee celebrations of Queen Elizabeth II.

• Stonehenge was not as big nor grand as I had expected. It was, nonetheless, a defining visit for me given how much I’ve read and heard about it since I was a kid. Walking around it and savouring the history and stories made the whole visit rather magical.

• The larger cities were really crowded, especially London. And I did notice that city people tend to be a lot ruder. People raised their voices, pushed around, gave rude stares, etc. I suspect these were tourists and they did it because they know they could get away with it. Or perhaps because we are Asian? Ok, let’s not go there…

• London is way too crowded today compared to 20 years ago. And it felt different now too. Less English, and more cosmopolitan. I suspect its the change in the profile of tourists - e.g. I visited Harrods and noted that a huge percentage of the shoppers were from the Middle East. For that matter, even the drivers of logistics trucks and taxis queuing outside Harrods looked Middle Eastern to me! Another possible reason could the the lack of PRC (Chinese) tourists given China’s current COVID travel restrictions.

• The trip would have been perfect if the weather had held up better on some days. Nonetheless, it was really nice to experience the coolness of Scotland (as low as 6C and no more than 23C). We ended the trip with a heatwave in London. It hit 34C - hot by London standards at this time of the year but tolerable to us.

I have slightly less than a month before my sabbatical ends... will do another trip up Malaysia at the end of the month! 

Upcoming Trip

It's been a long long while since I took a long trip out of the country and I am looking forward to my upcoming overseas trip this Friday! Gonna be away for slightly more than 2 weeks. Hopefully, I will not experience all the horror stories I have been reading about airport issues, delayed and/ or lost baggages, transport strikes, heat waves, etc etc etc...

Fingers crossed!

Kidney Stones

I have a history of kidney stones and will visit the urologist regularly to check on the state of my kidneys. In this post, I want to capture the outcomes of my recent visit to the urologist. You see, I had brought forward the review of my kidney stones from Sep to Jun 2022 as I had experienced a consistent pain at my back just at where my right kidney is located. Following the visit, I was scheduled to undergo a CT scan of my kidneys (and areas around it). Here's the results.

Right kidney: There was a slight increase in size of the stone since the last review (that was done 2 years ago). Otherwise, the stone had remained in the same position near the opening into the ureter and had not moved. There is an appearance of another stone. This stone is small and is located deep in the kidney. 

Left kidney: It showed the appearance of a very small stone - 1mm or less. Similar to the stone in the right kidney, it is located deep in the kidney.

The urologist concluded that the pain I had experienced was unlikely due to the kidney stones. He said that based on the size and location of the stones (particularly the 2 located deep in the kidneys), they will possibly stay there and not cause any trouble. He added that there is also a likelihood of them being flushed out given the smallness of their size. As for the larger stone in the right kidney, I can opt to get it removed if I am keen but his view is that it will likely stay put (as it had not moved) and not cause any troubles. But I do have to continue drinking lotsa water. So... yeah, everything looks good for now and I had decided to keep things as they are. 

PS: Interestingly, the pain I had experienced had disappeared too. Apart from the kidneys, the scan also showed normal stomach size, prostate gland, bladder, etc... :-)

Vax & Boosted

I started my COVID-19 vaccination programme in Apr 2021 and completed my full regimen in May 2021. My first booster shot was taken in Nov 2021 and my 2 booster shot in June this year when the second booster shot programme was opened to persons above 50 years old. I think getting such shots will, in time to come, be part of a regular routine given the need to live with the virus endemically. 

And talking about living with the virus, it's refreshingly nice to see how well and calm we have been despite the on-going COVID-19 wave of infections. It is also interesting to note that we have been able to keep this state of affairs without further tightening any preventive measures. Getting the virus these days is no longer seen nor perceived as a death sentence and many people around me have gotten the virus over the last year. 

:-)

Sabbatical - Purposelessly Purposeful

I am halfway through my sabbatical... well, tbh, I'd prefer to call it NPL - No Pay Leave. That's what it is - going on leave without pay. It was not a difficult decision to make as I wanted to take time away from work, recuperate and chart my next career moves. I am, of cos, not ruling out the possibility of going back to the same company if conditions are right. Here's my journey since my NPL on 1 Apr. 

To be honest, the first few weeks were really stressful. It was an emotional roller coaster ride and I could not wind down. On one hand, I really wanted to just do nothing, but on the other hand, I was very restless. So I kept myself occupied. I met up with friends, went shopping, did short trips up north, walked more, swam, did gardening, etc. But there was just so much of these that I can do (right?). Despite it all, I had consciously kept away from work-related meet ups and contacting colleagues although I eventually met up with my team and a couple of closer colleagues for a meal or two, catch-up over whatsapps on what's happening at work, etc. The stress eventually eased off as I learned to just enjoy my day, don't get stressed up by not being occupied with programs or not being too detailed in how I organise my day. I told myself owe myself the moments to just relax, chill and simply live life as it comes. 

Finance-wise, I was conscious I need to manage my spendings. After all, I am not getting any salary during this period. And it was not easy, especially with inflation and all - food, utilities, petrol, etc everything is easily 5 - 10% more expensive overnight. When I first started, I stopped eating at restaurants, cook more, take public transport as much as I can, etc. My lifestyle changed overnight. Thinking back, I think I swung a bit too far. Objectively, I do have some savings, and passive income but on a nett-nett basis, I still need to ensure my spendings is within the amount I have set aside to ensure longer term needs. I have since gotten a balance with regards when to hold back and when to reward myself with some luxuries. In effect, these couple of months had been a reality-check on my readiness for retirement. I am not. I need to work for a while more. But positively, I am more confident that I can take on a lower-paying job, if I want to, now.

As for my health & well-being, I am heading in the right direction. I sleep a lot a lot better these days. I hardly experience any insomnia and I am able to easily get my 7-8 hours of good night sleep. Granted that I still have all sorts of weird dreams now and then but overall, my sleep quality has improved. And with better sleep quality, all things else fall into place. I am already seeing positive signs from my body, eg how my resting heart rate has decreased from high-90s to high-70s now. On the flip side, I am having a hard time controlling my weight gains and the body aches have increased! I believe this is because of the increased exercises and walks that I am doing these days. But well... let's not get too bothered by it as long as the increase in weight is kept in check. I am starting to have uncomfortable dreams again over the last couple of days and I do believe it is due to the realisation that I am halfway through my sabbatical... hmmm...

These days, my routines revolve around very broad aims - consolidate my life within the first 3 months, review & consolidate my finances by May, review my resume by June (which I have yet to complete). I have about 3 more months to go. With my quick life audit (health, finances, self, work, etc) done, it is time to chart ahead - review my career options in Jul/ Aug, look for job in Aug/ Sep, etc. I will be taking a long overseas break end-Jul/ Aug before I end my no pay leave. So yeah, these last 3 months of deliberate pause have certainly been interesting. On the surface, it seemed like I have done nothing, but reflecting, I think I have done much... without realising it. 

:-)