right vs wrong, good vs bad

i am clear about what's right vs what's wrong, and what's good vs what's bad. and regardless of circumstances, i have always done things right, until lately. shan't go into details but i decided to proceed with what i did, despite knowing it's wrong, because it satisfied my wants... and i have no regrets about it even if it kills me.

ok, shan't go further.

request: no comments for this post, please.

relieve

earlier this week, i read news that a 6-year old was pinned under a bus at choa chu kang estate and was fighting for his life. the report also mentioned there was a lot of blood under the bus and the civil defence chaps had to extricate him from under the rear wheels of the bus. this boy was apparently with his mother and was playing with his mobility device by the side of the road and he was ran over by a bus when he suddenly dashed out onto the road. 

from the description and the location, it struck me that there was a possibility that this could be my nephew - 6-year old boy, choa chu kang... my heart missed a beat and i got worried. then again, i told myself that if that boy were to be my nephew, i would just have to accept it as fate. whatever it was, i hoped it wasn't him. a couple of hours later, the developing news was updated and said that the boy had died. my heart sank further and i got really worried. i wanted to text my brother to confirm my nephew was ok but given what happened previously, i decided against it. 

a day later, the newspaper reported that the body had been collected by family members and will be flown back to india for the funeral. it was only then that i got the confirmation that it wasn't my nephew. i felt relieved and elated at the same time. then again, i felt guilty that i had actually felt happy that the boy who died was not my nephew. such emotions were very confusing. how could i possibly feel happy that death had befell another family instead. relieved, elated, guilt, all rolled into one.

death comes a-knocking

i had frequented the bedok south hawker centre since my schooldays and that was also the same place where i brought my mum for her breakfast weekly before she passed on. i have, over time, gotten to know the many store holders and they would chat with me whenever i went there for my meals. over the years, i have also witnessed stores changed hands a couple of times, store holders retiring, or taking a backseat as they let their children handle the stores. the frequency of such occurrences had increased over the last couple of years and i didn't bat an eyelid when the auntie of the coffee store stopped appearing, and when the vegetarian store changed hands. i only found out the reasons last week.

i was there during lunch on monday and as i was on vegetarian diet these two weeks, i decided to head there for my regular vegetarian meal. alas, it was closed and so i decided to simply eat 2 small buns (tau sar pao). as i ate, the bun seller came and sat with me and chatted. it was during this chat that i learned the coffee store auntie had died. it was a sudden death i was told. she was in her 60s and was healthy and one day, during a medical check up, she was told her white blood cell count was extremely high... her health deteriorated very quickly and she died within weeks. karma, the bun seller told me. this auntie had, for the longest time, refused to pay the $30 cleaning fee... and he went on and on about how she was the only one amongst all the hawkers who frequently find issues with people around her. i didn't engaged further nor asked anything further about this auntie. she had passed on and with her passing, we must let go of whatever grievances we had with them...

the topic drifted to how many stores had a change of owners since i first patronised the hawker center in the 80s, last being the vegetarian store. it was this juncture that the bun seller told me - fated. everything is fated, he said. i was a little surprise with this answer and asked further. it was then that i realised the changed of hand occurred cos the previous owner didn't want to carry on. his wife had died of heart attack one day. accordingly, she was serving some customers when she fainted. the owner, instead of attending to her immediately, asked his children to help her to the table to rest and carried on his business (because there were quite a few customers). the wife was only brought to the hospital one to two hours later. it was too late and she died that afternoon - the doctor who attended to her found that the heart pacer in her had malfunctioned and it was too late by the time she was brought to the hospital. she was 55 years old when she died. i am not sure what the main reason was for the store owner to stop his business, but i suspected guilt had something to do with it.

it was a surreal lunch for me. 

grindr fun

i had over time, gotten comfortable enough with myself to use my photo for my profile in grindr. and i do not shy away from telling people about me, my stats, etc (of cos, for my weight, i still put it a couple of kg lower...) heh... and i do not usually reach out to text people proactively. for the few who reached out to me, it mostly ended up with friendly chats. many stopped contacting after a while.

recently, i created a second account using another email. for this account, i remained incognito. i didn't put my photo, i didn't put too much info about myself. i created this account to have another view of who's around me cos there might be people i'd blocked or people who blocked me that could be nearby. i got many interesting insights from this account. anyway... i decided to have some fun last night and put something explicit and upfront in the profile last night. no, it's not any photos of private parts - grindr do not allow that. instead, i used the following photo:

and for my intro, i wrote "fit matters". i also changed the stats to suggest someone with a good height, lean/ toned and fit and for the profile details, here's what i wrote:

and guess what, within 6 hours, i have tons of messages coming in... several of them propositioning outright, and a few even send me pictures of their jewels... wow!

talking about it

i think i am depressed. i have been entertaining thoughts of suicide over the last couple of weeks. been feeling so overwhelmed by many things, top of the list being work. and things are just piling. i am increasingly finding myself avoiding making decisions, and acting on what i need to do. i recalled people in here (e.g sam, river, dazzah) telling me that acknowledging my depression is a good start, or for that matter, the fact that i recognise i am depressed meant i am not (or something along this line). they also said that the next thing is to be proactive and take steps to address it, go out, socialise, make friends, la la la... but frankly in my current state of mind, all these are theories. i have totally no motivation to do so. in fact, i am totally unmotivated to do anything, not even simple things like doing the claims for my biz travels. 

ok, i don't know how to go on with this post...

letting go

i had a long chat (via whatsapp) with my second sis about life and death and how we should live each  day as if it's our last, have our closures and let go of our attachments as often and as much as we can. she shared how worried she was when she found the lump, and how overwhelmed she felt. in the face of death, end of everything... these were some of the words she used as she related her thoughts over the course of waiting for the results. 

i took the opportunity to share with her my mum's dying process, how mum's health deteriorated over the last few days of her life, and the events that occurred on the very last day from the time i bade her goodbye when i left for work. i shared how about mum handled her impending death bravely and with full trust in me to let me take the necessary decisions. she accepted the finality of life and was fully at peace when i told her her kidney has failed. she passed away peacefully that evening. i also shared how i had, over the past 7-8 years, slowly prepared her for death by talking to her openly about it. it's been almost 3 years since her passing and i didn't realise how raw the emotions still are now. 

anyway, i shared about mum cos i wanted my sis to appreciate the importance of being able to let go.  i shared with her how i am ready to go, anytime, without regrets. from my observations, she's a very controlling person and didn't realise that her behaviour had contributed directly to the rebellious nature of her children. they are all adults now but she continues to treat them like kids. then again, maybe that's what all mothers are...

mastitis

i learned a new word this week - mastitis.

google search explains it as "inflammation of the mammary gland in the breast or udder, typically due to bacterial infection via a damaged nipple or teat".

that was the diagnosis for my second sis after the check-up. it's good news indeed. and the discovery of the lump and the whole process was something that should have shaken my sis, forced her to review her life's priorities and focus her attention on the now and not to sweat the small stuff. regrettably, it didn't. after realising that it's a false alarm, she went back to her old self.  many of her behaviours, in my opinion, were the cause of the breakdown of her relationship with her children and she refuse to see it that way after sharing with her my observations all these years.

then again, i can only advise so much. the teacher can only be present when the student is ready.

deadpool 2

i am not a violent person and generally i avoid violence as much as i possibly can. and for this very reason, when i watch deadpan 2, i found myself closing my eyes half the show. it was just that violent. imagine watching scenes where arms were chopped off, bodies got decapitated and heads rolled, bodies mutilated, blood splashed everywhere... there was even a scene that showed how deadpool’s body got blown apart from an exploding gas tank! seriously, such scenes freak me out. but don't get me wrong, deadpool 2 is actually quite a nice show (aside from the over the top violence). there were scenes that showed tender moments of love, grief, happiness, compassionate, etc. one must really be grounded in very strong values and know what is right and wrong to draw the right messages from this show.

it's definitely not for the kids, and if i may add, some adults too. 

catch up post...

been away from my blog for almost 2 months. have been very overwhelmed by life and work, particularly work. not so much life, cos with so much going on at work, there was absolutely no life. heh... but well, am managing... will not attempt to write everything, post by post, as what i had done previously. but here's a quick summary of what i've been up to/ events that affected me:

• a headhunter called me sometime end-march. referred by an ex-colleague. decided to just try out and check out the role. end up the hiring company was so wow-ed by my credentials that they are really pushing to hire me. spoke with my previous boss/ coach and she encouraged me to give it a go. she shared her observation that i was happiest when i was with my previous company. she's very sharp. i told the hiring company i will not consider moving anytime before end-june. currently handling some major project and think it is only right for me to complete this before i leave. 

• for now, i have just completed a personality test. the headhunter told me that they are ready to make me an offer. in addition, i was also told that they are ok to wait for me till august and have stopped interviewing any more candidates. so, it seemed like they are more or less fixed on me. i am, however, sticking to my line that i will not leave until after june due to a project. of cos, the other consideration, is that i will be receiving my bonus end-june. and i have been told i have been rated very well. so... i must at least get my bonus before i consider leaving.

• work was terrible. terrible. terrible. too many major projects at hand. almost one major project a month. delivering overseas program in april, completing one major audit and another major program locally in may, organising a regional summit in jun, complete a renovation project in july, a global learning event in august, and the list goes on... at least one major project each month and that means at any one time, i have 2-3 projects at hand, each at different stage of planning. and these are on top of many unrealistic kpi to meet by year end (i think i have 20 over of them). team is feeling the stress the the mood at work is getting really bad. 

• everyone seemed to be tripping over each other. not very pleasant. and it didn't help that my schedule is packed to the brim with meetings daily. and to think this is only the start of the fy... cannot believe it. i don't think i'm the only one feeling the stress. many of my colleagues in other departments are resigning one by one too. and added to the projects and unrealistic kpi, i am also now expected to now head up a new set up once the renovations is completed. to make it even more challenging, i am expected to run this new facility with only one new additional headcount. not possible at all in my opinion.

• to make things worst, i am having a lot of issues with the person that i recently recruited. took my almost 6 months to finally fill the position. the person filling it was someone whom had worked with me in my previous employment and who got along very well years ago.  but since joining me, i have lots of challenges. culture fit, differences in views and too keen to want to change things and refusing to work within the system. my appetite for new ideas too fast too sudden is very limited given the unrealistic kpi.

• amidst the heightened stress due to unrealistic kpi, work was also impacted by incompetent staff who cannot pull their weight, slip shot in their work and expect me to cover for them. my last straw was when i called one of the staff to settle some urgent tasks for me and in return, this staff told me to do it cos she's going home... had to call her up and counsel her the next day. not acceptable.

• sad to know that my favourite polar bear had to be put down. was such a huge affair when he was born in 1990 boxing day. was all excited when it happened. but all too soon, he's old and has lotsa old age-related health issues. when i read about the possibility of him being put down, i went to visit him before i left for my overseas trip. managed to catch him before he was eventually put down when i was overseas for my biz-trip. quite depressed by his passing.

• was away on a week-long biz trip to the states at the end of april. was terribly cold but things went rather smoothly. went to japan tokyo for a week after that and managed to recuperate there before coming home. bee went for the tokyo trip too. been a very long while since he could spend time with me on a trip.

• trip to tokyo was bad. we planned to spend a total of 7 days there. first 3-4 days was nothing but arguments and awkward silence. the place did not meet his expectations and he was disappointed. he was supposed to plan the itinerary but did nothing. so we ended up being rather spontaneous and just go to wherever we feel like going daily. it didn't help that it clashed with the golden week and everywhere we went were crowded.

• we planned to spend 7 days there but on the 6th day late morning, his mum called and said she had a fall. he booked an urgent flight home and i ended up spending the last evening by myself. well, i guess this last few hours was the space i needed although i did nothing but just walk around town, and purchased some personal effects from the local gay shop. realised i had been away myself so often that it felt different to be on holiday with him.

• on the home front, lots happened too. all the routine stuff and to do my dues as a son, and a grandson. commemorated qing ming (tomb sweeping day), visited and caught up with my aunt and her family, extended family dinner, etc. this, perhaps, was the only positive thing that happened over the last 2 months.

• on the friend front, haven't had any time to catch up with anyone at all apart from perhaps one or two impromptu dinners when our times match. i did, however, managed to coach a couple of ex-colleagues and friends in their job search process. changing jobs is not easy, especially when it comes to writing resumes, preparing for and going through interviews, and negotiating for pay. glad to see them find new jobs - better paying ones - after struggling through their current role in the company (my previous company). really happy for them. 

• have been succumbing to ill health pretty often lately. fell ill due to flu twice. and i find that i am taking a longer time than usual to recover these days. just last week, half way through the japan trip, i developed a terrible sore throat. it developed into a full blown flu and sinus when i landed back in singapore. was on mc on monday but had to work from home. struggled through the week and i am 80% recovered now. the nose is still terribly blocked and the cough is still quite bad. otherwise, the body aches and fever had gone. i suspect the work stress is creating havoc for me health-wise.

• i am really entertaining the thought of just dropping everything and quitting, especially now that i have an impending offer at hand. but on one hand, i feel like i am shirking my responsibility, yet on the other hand, i really think i want to be fair to myself. it's no point continuing and letting it affect my health. being able to deliver does not mean, and cannot mean, i can now deliver the sky, and more. and despite voicing out my concerns and displeasure, my boss just told me that i have no choice but to do it cos it is from the big boss.

• amidst all these, i received news quite a bit of news about my eldest sis and her family. firstly, she had had a new grandson. born in dec last year. also, she is suffering from cancer of the bone. not sure which stage, but she had undergone treatment since jan last year. she had kept it away from the rest of us. understand that she recently opened up to my brother (whom she is in contact with) and he now distant himself away from her. sad indeed. i have since contacted my brother-in-law and reach out to him if he needs any support. this is the burden of information. i now know, but have to pretend i do not know, and secretly reach out to my brother-in-law cos she is still not willing to talk to me.

• also received news that my second sis is undergoing further checks after finding a lump in her breast. biopsy on-going and she'll know whether its benign or malignant this coming week. another whammy for me to know of another person in the family being diagnose with something nasty. let's see how things go. we are all in our 50s. if things must happen, this is probably the time to happen...

this was just a quick summary of all the things that had been bugging me. of cos there are other less significant ones such as car breakdowns, repairs, etc. but it all adds up - totally exhausted. i have hardly any time for myself. and coupled with bee being so consumed by his own work, i do find myself being rather unhappy on the personal front. of cos, the usual weekly midnight shows continued, but it had become all too routine. so, yeah, nett nett - overwhelmed. 

should i drop everything and leave my job?

movies

have watched too many movies during the last 2 months... lol...

• rampage
• ready player one
• avengers: infinity war
• the 8-year engagement (in the plane)
• the story of ito (in the plane)
• the lion (in the plane)
• isle of dogs

i think there are a couple more... but hehe, i cannot remember them all.

parent’s place

miss the feeling of having a parent's place to go home to, for dinner, for a rest, to be taken care of and a place where i can savour the familiar surroundings and smell of my childhood...

donations

have you ever experienced moments where you really want to help people? and i am not referring to those acts of kindness when you see people in difficult situations such as when they tripped, or when they dropped something. i am referring to moments where you felt the need to give back, be it in donations or in volunteering of your services, etc. i have.

i received a neck massager as a birthday gift two years ago from my ex colleagues. while i thanked them for it, the first thought that came to my mind was that elderly people in the rehabilitation center would probably need it more than me. i had wanted to donate this to the center since but had been too lazy to make the trip. couple with the fact that i had not made any donations lately, i felt the need to do it for the lunar new year, although admittedly it is a little late. but i supposed it’s better late than never. so i made a trip to the elderly rehabilitation center this week. felt good to be back there. this was the center that mum visited daily for 3 years before she passed on. it was nice that quite a few of the staff remembered me and called out to me. i called on the center manager and made a donation as well as handed over the neck massager. we chatted and i learned that the center's enrolment had increased. 

felt good to be able to help them. most importantly, i hope my little contribution can help improve the care for the elderlies.

car servicing

i send my car for servicing last weekend. i had kept to the same service center since i bought this second hand car 3 years ago. thing is - in the first year, due to insurance obligations, i had to use this service company. it is no longer an obligation now but i continued going back to the same center out of habit. while the service is generally ok, i did notice that my car tend to have some form of issues after each servicing. it's almost like the issue was planted so that i need to go back for some follow up. and this was what happened last week.

it was a normal routine servicing - change filter, check oil, change oil if need be, etc. i had also asked for a tyre rotation and a top up of the air con gas. as usual, i got a call from the service agent informing me of additional things. this time round he said that to top up the air con gas, they need to dismantle this and that and thus would incur extra cost. it amazed me why they needed to dismantle the air con unit but told him to proceed nonetheless after he explained all sorts of things that i didn't understand. when i arrived at the service center, the agent told me that my spark plugs were wet and said that the xxx and yyy of the engine (technical terms are beyond me) were leaking and needed to be changed. the implication of not changing would be that eventually my car will have a lot of vibrations and would eventually breakdown. nonetheless, he added that he needed to order the spare parts and time was needed. he suggested i could either leave the car for the repairs or i could return another day for the repairs to be done. i told him to go ahead and place the order and i'll return at a more convenient time.

since that day, my car started experiencing vibrations - something that i never have before that servicing. i ignored it and told myself i'll head back to the service center when appropriate. then yesterday, as i drove home from work, my car stalled when i braked at a junction near my place. while i managed to start the car and drove on, the stalling repeated whenever i braked, with the last happening when i parked my car in my residence car park.

this morning i decided to have my car towed to another service center for an assessment. i explained to the agent what happened and added all the things the previous service center told me - spark plugs wet, possible leakage etc. this service center did a check and after about 3 hours told me they could not find any issues. i asked if the issue was related to the spark plugs or possible leakage, he said no, there was absolutely nothing wrong with the xxx and yyy of the engine. but with what i experienced, he suggested that a possible cause was 2 other smaller things (once again technical terms are beyond me). he explained that these are the key ones that mainly cause engine stalling. nonetheless, their checks suggested that these 2 parts were ok, apart from being a little old. he said that i could either leave my car as it is or to change that 2 parts. he iterated that changing the parts would be more preventive than anything else cos these items seemed ok. nonetheless, to help me decide, he will check on the pricing of the items.

after considering the fact that this car is 8 years old and had not had any issues, i told him to go ahead. what i am not pleased about was that fact that i had been advised wrongly by the first service center. won't go back to them again.

secondary smokers

the irony of restricting smokers to specific designated areas in eating places is that if the wind blows the wrong way, everyone becomes secondary smokers. i am a strong advocate of not smoking and having designated smoking areas. but i sometimes wonder the wisdom of having designated smoking areas in open spaces, if we don't supplement it with additional measures like mandating the need for such food operators to have a fan to blow the smoke away from non-smokers.

小强 (little strong)

once a blue moon, i do find one or two cockroaches in my house. usually, this happens in my bathroom. and when this happens, i will catch them and throw them out of my window. i don't ever want to harm them, much less kill them.

couple of weeks back, i saw one fully grown one in my room, just outside my toilet. it ran off when i tried to catch it and hid behind my book shelf. and since then, i had had this cockroach smell coming out of the sink in my toilet. the smell was particularly strong when i bend down to wash my face. i suspected the same cockroach had migrated (i assume it's the same one) into the toilet and now resides there. my suspicion was confirmed last week when i spotted this cockroach on my vanity top. once again, i couldn't catch it as it ran into the crevice before i could even do anything. after that, i started seeing cockroach droppings on my sink every morning.

feeling disturbed and not wanting to allow it to multiply, i decided to purchase a cockroach trap. most traps come with some sort of adhesive/ poison and work by killing them, something that goes against my principle of not killing. but there was one i found that merely trap them without killing them. it is even reuseable! of cos, i happily bought it, and set it up by placing some potato chips in the trap before deploying it on my sink. that was over the last weekend. i would excitedly check it every morning but there was none...

then this morning, to my pleasant surprise, i found one! alas, and to my worst fears, this was not the one i had hoped to catch. it has no wings - that means it is a young cockroach, not the one i saw. this could only mean my room has more than one cockroach! omg! anyway, i left it in the trap and headed off to work. let's hope its presence in the trap attracts others to come out. will continue to monitor the trap over the next couple of days. hopefully more appears.

:-)

ps: till this day, i still don't really understand why we refer to the cockroach affectionately as "小强" (little strong). 

red sparrow

omg! this must be one of my top show for 2018! 

wait, 2018 just started. anyway, yeah, i thoroughly enjoyed this show. i think i've been overdosed with cartoons and superhero movies recently, so much so that when a movie such as the red sparrow appeared, it simply blew me off! i have not watched any thrillers for a long while and truth be told, i didn't actually planned to watch this show. 

it was a sunday evening and i was bored. and i recalled receiving a text from "river" saying that i should watch it. i googled and read up a little about the storyline and that was it. i walked into the cinema, expecting a thriller about a dancer turned spy, a show with nudity, sex, violence and a lot of torture and gore. but what made me sat up through the show was the many twists and turns to the plot, all the way until the end. can't wait for the next 2 parts!

bravo!

peter rabbit

i am not too familiar with the peter rabbit story. all i know is that it is a story about a rabbit family and is written by someone in uk called beatrix potter a century ago. when i visited windermere almost 20 years ago, i was told that that was peter rabbit country as it was there that the story originated. 

so when i watched the movie last night, i didn't know what to expect. i had imagined it would be a story for kids - where everything would be very prim and proper and that there would be many moralistic lessons and kiddish jokes. it didn't turn out that way. it was a very adult show. peter rabbit could very well be another human adult in the story and the story would still developed the same. in the show, peter, as a rabbit, had very human traits and emotions, and behaved every bit like a human. we see jealousy, love, hatred, revenge, lies, death, etc... all being displayed by the rabbit. weird right? but well, as in many shows, i went with the flow and just savoured the moment. and of cos, i enjoyed the animation. it was really good to see all the details of the fur, the expressions, etc. rather well done, i thought.

and so, despite the awkward beginning, i thought the show was not that bad.

embarrassing moment

it is still a long way to the year end, but i suspect this incident that i am about to share would go down as the most embarrassing incident for this year, and if not, for the decade. now try to think of the following context/ situation:

• my phone whatsapp default setting was to downloard images received automatically. so, although i tend to delete images i receive mostly without even opening them, i often do end up with images in my photo albums that are foreign to me cos they were downloaded automatically.

• i have chat groups of close friends or ex-staff who, at times, share very raunchy photos. one such example was last friday when a friend texted me in the morning with an image of a mesh g-string underwear. he told me excitedly that he had wanted to purchase such an underwear and finally got to do it. he shared further that he was worried if he was sufficiently well-endowed to fill the cup of the g-string.

now, this was what happened. 

i had organised a lunar new year gathering for my department and had invited my boss. she (my boss is a "she") had informed me prior that she couldn't attend and had send her apologies. so during the dinner, we had the traditional chinese lou hei. and i took several photos showing how we toss the raw fish salad. i proceeded to excitedly send the images to her. as i attached the image, i noted one particular image icon that didn't look familiar. and curious me clicked on it without thinking nor realising i was in the "attached image" mode. i clicked too fast and it got send to my boss. once it got send, and to my horrors, the image of my friend's jewel (yes, read - cock) in the half-filled mesh g-string pouch appeared! apparently, he had send the message to me as i was sending images to my boss and the photo got downloaded automatically!

at that very moment, my instinct was to delete it off from the chat thread with my boss. but i fumbled cos my hands were trembling. and in that state, you know how challenging it was to press and get a "delete" to delete message in whatsapp... and to make it even more challenging, i noted my boss was "online" as i struggled... omg! it took me a few seconds to finally delete it. and i quickly send a message to her to apologise for the picture, as i had been spammed. she didn't reply after that (which was very unusual), and she kept quiet through the whole weekend (which was superbly unusual). i was so embarrassed by this whole incident and worried if she thought i was sexually harassing her! first thing i did when i went to office after the weekend was to head right up to her office and apologise to her and told her how embarrassed i was!

she claimed she did not see the photo and even gamely took out her whatsapp thread with me to show me that particular "deleted" message. and then, she added that that even if she did, she's cool about it cos at her age, she'd be a grandmother if her children marry early, and thus there're not many things she had not already seen. i was like... errrr... of cos, i apologised profusely again and excused myself. something in me told me she saw the pic and was basically pretending not to have seen it. of cos, i was thankful she provided me an exit to this whole embarrassing incident.

black panther

this was such a pleasant show to watch at many levels. i got to see african culture (as real as it gets), a near complete african/ african descent cast, predominantly woman in powerful roles (apart from the two male leads), scenes similar to lotr, avatar, narnia, etc etc etc... what more can i say right? watched it before cny and watched it again over the last weekend. yeah, i am one of those who watched this show twice and boosted the ticket sales for the film.

a must watch show.

monkey king 3

you know the film is trying too hard when you walk out of the cinema feeling like you've been cheated. well, cheated not necessarily because the show was not good. but rather, the story of the monkey king has been well documented, told and retold. after all, it is one of the four great chinese classics and celebrated for its creativity. but in this adaptation, a new storyline was used. it's a story that is foreign to many and while it is not necessarily a bad thing, the inclusion of many into-the-face lame characters and scenes made certain parts of the show quite painful to watch. then again, one will be able to better enjoy the movie if one were to take a step back and take a philosophical look at it. but frankly, who would do such a thing normally?

:-)

weird dreams

i had a series of weird dreams last night... and as in all dreams, i cannot recall most parts except that a lot of things happened through the dream. nonetheless, there were 2 parts that i recalled quite vividly - one of which involved a car, a bright red car and another a doll. here're the details...

this was towards the end of my "dreamful" night. i was driving this car and as i drove, i had to navigate a lot of twists and turns and the road was at times bumpy and at times so narrow that i had to squeeze my way through it. interestingly, the car was also quite magical as it was able to squeeze through tight gaps. i recalled there was one particular part of the road where its width was just about as wide as my car, and that there was a hump slightly off the center-right of the road. both sides of the road was rather steep and dropped rather vertically (not sure to where though). as my car approach this hump, for some reason, i was able to squeeze between the hump and the side of the road without dropping off... and... the scene changed.

that the end of the dream involves an animated character, or rather, not an animated character per se, but a real life character that resembles a plastic doll. it was white in colour and looked like a flat marshmallow man, or a gingerbread man. and it was certainly a rather irritating character for some reasons - possibly its looks or its behaviour (cannot recall exactly what behaviour). and in my dream, i was trying very hard to get rid of it, or at least keep it out of my sight. i tried all means - by hitting it, throwing it away, etc, but i simply couldn't. at one point, i even took a gun and shoot it. the gunshot went though the leg (i recalled left leg). a gunshot hole was created and water started pouring out of this hole. nonetheless, it continued to make faces at me, dance around and got me even more irritated. and a voice rang out - perhaps the issue is me myself, and to solve the issue is to stop feeling irritated by this doll... embrace it.

i woke up after that... 4am. darned, a timing that was neither here nor there.

but yeah, that was my "dreamful" night.

lny overseas

i spend my lunar new year in hong kong again this year.

told myself that no matter what, i will be away before daybreak on the first day of lunar new year. the flight out was 6.05am and i had to check in at 4am. everything went smoothly. took a one-hour nap after the midnight movie and managed to get a grab to the airport. surprised that people actually operate at that time of the morning. and it was the usual drill - arrived at the airport, checked in, cleared the immigration, change to hkd, eat something light and board the aircraft. the flight itself was all too routine for me, and it was a good time to catch up with some sleep before i arrive at hong kong.

having been to hong kong so many times before, this time round, i decide to just not plan anything and take things as it comes. and so, i took my time and wondered around the airport after i landed. had a plate of fried rice, got myself a sim-card/ prepaid phone number... ya, all the mundane stuff, except that i did all these with a relaxed mind as i savour in the new year mood there. hopped onto a bus that took me to somewhere unfamiliar and i had to hop onto the mtr to get to my hotel! i had booked a new hotel that i had never stayed before and managed to check in by 2pm, after wondering around for almost 5-hours! and after checking in, decided to just watch tv and relax in bed. uneventful day chatting with friends over the phone and taking a walk at the night market. hong kong is really a place that never sleeps. it was ever so crowded, even on lny. 

day two was just as uneventful. but i decided to pay a visit to the temples. visited the ten thousand buddha temple (man fatt tze) at sha tin and the tian tan buddha at ngong ping, not too bad a visit. visiting temples is a must for me during the new year period. and i make sure i do the same even if i were overseas. and as for day three, i simply stayed in my room at watch the tv, well, apart from heading out to the nearby library cafe for a carbonara and later in the evening to the nearby shop for a quick beef noodle! but yes, that was what i did. it might sound superbly crazy to head overseas and then to spend a whole day in the room watching tv, and to me, it was exactly this absolute lack of pressure to do what i don't want to do that makes travelling alone such a pleasure. 

the 4-day getaway ended in no time. very restful, very uneventful. and despite bringing my laptop and work phone, i did not even turned them on. had told my boss i will stand by to clear work and work on my slides if there's a need as the annual approval of my department's workplan will occur this coming week and everyone's jittery about it. thankfully my proposals had been cleared just before the new year but just in case, i promised i'll be on standby.

time to prepare myself mentally to get back to work tomorrow.

开工大吉!

新狗年快乐

今年我在香港过年。祝大家一个快乐的大肥年！

:-)

2 shows

it was lunar new year eve and everyone had gone home for their reunion dinner. for myself, i had joined my aunt for a reunion lunch and was not about to feel sorry for myself for not having a reunion dinner. so... i went for movies! two shows in a row! and it was after i booked my flight and hotel for a trip to hong kong! 

:-)

overseas... or not?

i have yet to find a good place to head to for this lunar new year period. have went away for the last years and wanted to do the same this year cos i have not gotten over the whole thing about not spending the new year with mum.

anyway, i had initially wanted to go to hong kong but the hotel rates are simply too high! imagine this - for a small 10m2 room that i usually pay s$70 a night, it is going at 3 times the price now. crazy. i might just stay in singapore this year... it's probably time for me to get over the mum thing. but for now, i'll just continue to search.

haiz.

shape of water

watched this last night. the whole production was really beautiful.

it was funny how after the show, i googled about the guy who played to role of the amphibian man and found out that he has a history of playing all these weird amphibian characters. heh...

jumanji: welcome to the jungle

frankly speaking, i didn't expect anything too much for this show, considering it also starred the rock (i think he's called "the rock")... whatever. i'm not a huge fan of the guy (as you can see). lol! but the show turned out more interesting that i thought. and i actually enjoyed it quite a bit.

the post

watched this show sometime back. very powerful performances by both tom hank and meryl streep in this show. really enjoyed it.

missing my dog

i miss sapphie...

my ns - overview

i was enlisted into the army and was posted to infantry training depot (itd) for my basic military training (bmt). that was in tekong. mar 1985. i was posted to lion company, platoon 41 section 3 bed 5. 

 after my bmt, i landed in officer cadet school (ocs). i was in the 2/85 iocc batch and served my 9 months as a cadet in echo company, platoon 15. section 1. bed 9 (i was the only one to retain this room from junior to senior term). ocs was hell. i wouldn't go through it again if i had a choice. but it certainly holds a lot of good memories for me. how we were tekan-ed. how we were stripped of all our dignity from the start, go through 9 months of hell and emerged as young officers. 

following my ocs, i was posted to infantry training depot (itd) as a platoon commander (pc). itd trains recruits and i was the pc for platoon 26, gryphon company - the siao on company. took two batches of recruits before assuming the concurrent appointment of company 2nd-in-charge (2ic). after my company tactics and basic intelligence course, i was posted back to itd as a project officer in the headquarters until i went for my uni studies in jul 87. 

well, the following links elaborates the details of each stage of my nsf days...

• 1985 - my bmt 
• 1985 - 2/85 iocc (1) 
• 1985 - 2/85 iocc (2) 
• 1985 - 2/85 iocc (3) 
• 1985 - 2/85 iocc (4) 
• 1986 - 2/85 iocc (5)
• 1985 - 1986 - my ocs songs
• 1986 - 1987 - completing my ns

one grindr evening

him: hey, i need help. 

him: i need whatever financial help you can give me.

him: i'm not an mb.

him: but i need all the help i can get.

him: if you don't want to help me, i can understand.

him: i will respect your decision.

him: any amount will do. it's up to you.

i received a total of 7 messages in my grindr two nights ago. it came out of no where. i was taken aback by such messages. i checked the profile of the person who send me this series of messages. 21 year old, jock, headless, good body. the angelic side of me wanted to reach out and ask what trouble he was in. but the real side of me told me to be careful with unknown characters. here's how the conversation went:

me: hey, i don't know you and i prefer not to involve money. in fact, even with my friends, i do not talk about money. hope you understand. 

him: ok, i respect that. 

him: so, block me.

when i saw this reply, i was like 'huh?’

me: no, i won't block you. i do not see a need to.

him: then you have to give me some money. i need help.

me: i won't block you cos i do not see any reason to. in the first place, i do not even know you.

him: but you don't want to help me. so you must block me. or else you have to help me.

me: you are a funny guy, if you want, please go ahead and block me. you cannot expect everyone in here to want to give you money. 

him: but you don't want to help me.

me: anyway, i am not sure what issues you have. whatever it is, i hope you can manage it ok and get out of it. all the best.

him: ok, thank you.

and the conversation ended there.

weird.

of sugar sons & money boys

i have come across many lads wanting to seek sugar daddies and i have time and again kept away from them. i have no respects and i cannot stand these people for i see them as "backbone-less" and greedy people who go into a transactional relationship where they seek material gains in return for sexual gratifications. one might say they are no different from prostitutes, gigolos or money boys. but i disagree. i think prostitutes/ gigolos/ money boys are more respectable. at least they are upfront and have the guts to acknowledge they are in it for the money, very straight forward. in singapore, many of the money boys hail from china, indonesia as well as a few from vietnam.

i personally do not seek money boys but have had money boys messaging me and asking if i would like their services. i will usually reject them politely. and interestingly, some would even continue to chat with me after i rejected them. and after chatting with them, i kinda get to see their real self, not unlike friends. and as for them, they also respected the fact that i am not keen on their services and did not push me for it. i also had an interesting experience with a vietnamese mb that contacted me for "fun" not in his capacity as an mb, but rather, as a person. he said he was really keen to play with me has he was very attracted to my looks. quite flattering right? lol. and he asked if he could invite his fellow countryman to join in for a 3some. hmmm... 

today, i had an interesting experience in grindr. i received a "hi" and immediately after that a photo. it showed a very well chiselled body although the face was only so-so. naturally, my first response was to thank him for the picture and complemented that he looked good. he enquired if i am chinese and asked me for a body pic. well, i showed him a pic of my torso and he went on a repeatedly replied (over 3-4 messages) with the word "fat". i was taken aback but i simply replied - yes, but that's the body of a 52 year old person and that i am pretty ok with it. i kept calm in my reply although inside me, i was a little disturbed by his response. it was rather rude i thought. and i added importantly i am healthy. and his reply? "you give me money". i was like ---- errr... and i asked if he is an mb? he didn't reply but simply blocked me. such a weird person right? the impression i have was that not only was he was trying to embarrass me for my body, he was also trying to tempt me into a sexual transaction just because he has a chiselled body. 

wtf...

training/ stints overseas - country z

this visit occurred in 1999. and i remembered this particular trip because i lost my "nanny" during this trip. you see, when i was young, my landlord's wife took care of me whenever my mum went out. over time, i came to see her as my nanny. we kept in contact even after my family moved out of the squatter and i would frequently visit her though my growing up years, even after she moved into bedok public housing. she was sickly bedridden old woman when i visited her in 1999, just before i left for country z. during that visit, i told her i will be away for about 2 weeks and will not be able to visit her. i promised her i'll call on her again when i come back. she held my hand, looked at me and told me that she couldn't wait for me. she said she would be gone by then... she left during that period i was away....

ok, back to the trip to country z. the trip was conducted as part of a bilateral exercise between singapore and country z armed forces. we took turns to host the bilateral exercise and for that year, it was country z's turn to play host. it was a relatively straight forward exercise (as was all bilateral exercises) complete with quite a bit of formalities, touristy visits and events as part of the hosts' hospitality. it was, after all, an effort to not just bring military co-operations better, but also to raise awareness of each other's culture and country. what was most memorable about that trip was the fact that it was cold, really cold. and we were told that it was due to the winds blowing from the antarctic that caused the temperature to dipped extra few degrees suddenly. thankfully, it was a war-game exercise and everything was conducted in the basecamp and we were largely protected from the cold.

otherwise, this trip was rather fun. the war-game area was that of the actual areas around the basecamp and as part of the familiarisation of the exercise ground, the host planned for us to conduct recce of the actual defence locations. it so happened that these locations also coincided with some touristy spots where people would go to view whales and dolphins and thus we literally became tourists even as we were planning out our attack plans and discussing direction of assaults, fire bases, form-up areas, etc. so convenient right? well, we didn't complain. we had a ball of a time. i couldn't recall much of the exercise proper except that the whole event lasted slightly less than a week and it was well-paced and everyone enjoyed it. i managed to take a couple of days leave after the exercise and stayed back to do a bit of sight-seeing. it was a really good experience for me.

training/ stints overseas - "country" w

this is one particular place that i literally grow up with in my 20-over years in the military. i trained there as a cadet, as a young officer on course, and in all my capacities and positions through the years. and i undertook different and larger role with each return. in all, i visited this place more than 30 times throughout my years in the military. the last time i was there, i was in the division headquarters as a department head and my trip was cut short following an order from the highest office to get ready for deployment as a liaison officer in country s. it would not be possible to use one post to write the full details of my trips to this place. i will not share too much about the nature of the exercises we do in too much details but instead pen the more interesting ones here that, focusing on my personal experiences...

• as a cadet, the experience of digging trenches in the hilly southern regions was truly memorable. it was a 2-week defence exercise and it was autumn period (that coincided with typhoon season). the wind was strong and cold and it blew with such ferocity that i could be momentarily suspended in the air when i jump up against the direction of the wind. and that was truly when i appreciate the comforts of my trench. in fact, as the days pass, i slowly create little display holes in my trench, where i placed freshwater inland crabs that crawled around the exercise grounds.

• training was hell and we were stretched to our limits. a series of offensive missions were included within the 2-week defence exercise, each with increasing complexity and it culminated in a company attack on an enemy location at the end of the 2 weeks. by then, we were literally walking zombies. i recalled clearly how i walked along a stream and for a short moment where i blinked, the person in front of me had moved 50m ahead. i fell asleep walking.

• during one of the mission where i climbed up a very steep slope and as i near the top, i slipped and slid some 10-15m down. when i landed, my reflex action was to grip whatever i could and as my hand was in my rifle trigger, a round went off. thankfully, it was a blank. it didn't help that the commandant was walking just in front of me. next thing i knew, he stood towering over me and with a smile - told me i will be charged for misfiring. ass luck. as a result, i was confined to the base at the end of the training frame while the rest proceeded for the r&r.

• as a young officer attending a course, i had the chance to visit the southern areas again. this time, i had the freedom to move about, so unlike when i was an officer cadet. it was then that i got to really enjoy the place. the sceneries were beautiful, the whole idea of setting up and being in a command post in the open areas, on top of a cliff overlooking south china seas, etc was really good. it was this freedom that really excites me whenever i visit "country" w for exercises in subsequent years. subsequently, as a senior person with my own land rover, i would simply take over the wheels of my land rover and drive all over the training grounds during exercises. at times the journey would last hundreds of kilometres. 

• i visited the place many many times over the years in my capacities as a company commander, as a unit staff officer at various levels of commands - as part of the exercise troop, controllers or as observers. in all these different visits, the experiences were very different. but one thing stood out - the ability to be able to move to many different places in the "country". it was during these different visits that i got to truly experience the lives of the locals. very humbling and also very enriching. i still have fond memories of the many occasions when travelling where we were able simply park our vehicles and just walk into the different eateries to savour their local delicacies. very nice.

• i particularly enjoyed the times in the command posts. despite the intense pace of the battlefield monitoring, we were also able to take frequent breaks to just sit outside the command post and  savour the dawn and dusk of the "country" - very peaceful. once, i was even inspired enough to sketch the areas around me. i still have the sketches somewhere in my cupboard. i will be reminded of the sights and smells of the place whenever i look at the sketches. it was also during these periods that we get to interact and chat with the locals. very nice and warm people.  the children would also run after our landrovers as they shout out "ah bing ge! ah bing ge!"

• i recalled planning for training in one of the areas in the south one particular year and had to visit the "country" several times to get the detailed plans out. it so happened that just about a month before the training was to be conducted, bird flu struck and news reports suggest that it had occurred near the training grounds. had to make another trip to confirm the details. thankfully, after getting the details and weighing the risks of the different options, we concluded that the training could still continue. 

• as a norm, whenever we train in this "country", there would be a 3 to 4-day r&r included into the plan. i didn't get to enjoy the r&r as a cadet cos i was charged and had to be confined to the basecamp to clean the drains. but in subsequent years, i got to experience r&r in the different cities. there was one particular r&r that was very interesting. it so happened that because of the large number of troops, many hotels were fully booked. for my headquarters, we were checked into a rest hotel (commonly known locally as a fuck hotel, or a hotel for people to have sex). i was rather senior by then and as a senior person, i was given my own room. i was so tickled when i walked into the room - the bed was round in shape and there was a chair that has two protruding arms where one can place his/ her legs during sex, and the ceiling and walls are mostly mirrors... lol!

i can go on and on... but will stop here for now. will add if need be.

:-)

training/ stints overseas - country t

i visited this country back in 1996 as a controller. i was, by then, a staff officer in the battalion headquarters and all major activities in the battalion workplan had been completed. the men were clearing their leave and awaiting their release from the 2-year conscript service and it was a lull period for the battalion headquarters. i was this pulled up to the division headquarters to help out with an armour unit exercise. it was the first time a division headquarters took control of an exercise of such scale. and an infantry division commander was the exercise director. it was during this exercise when i saw the worst of a senior commander. i lost all respect for this armour unit commander after that. here's the story...

as the exercise director, the division commander had to approve the amour unit’s plan. the commander came forth with his headquarters and gave a presentation on the plans. this armour commander was clearly and armour person who drew broad strokes. when he was queried by the division commander about some tactical coordination (that would impact the larger manoeuvre) and his contingency plans, he couldn't articulate sufficiently well. a discussion ensued and the division commander gave some guidance about the plan and how it could be shaped as the battle unfolds. after the session and after the division commander left the command post, the armour unit commander commented in front his headquarter staff - who is he to comment on my plan, he's an infantry person and knows nothing about armour operations! rubbish! i was personally taken aback by such a comment. it was not something a senior commander should utter.... anyway, it reflected more of him and his character than the division commander. that was one incident which i can never forget. i reflected on it and learned lessons about humility. 

well, so much for this incident. let's talk about my experiences in this country. it was in the southern hemisphere and the land was vast and arid. it was dusty and the base camp that we put-up in was superbly dusty. and the temperature was cold during the period i was there and still vividly remember how we would run from our resting tent to the shower tent for showers. also, as it was in the wilderness, we had to shit in portable loos. interestingly, these portable loos come with waste containers that has some worms (so we were told) that would feed on our waste and turn them into fertilisers. well, i didn't get to see the process, not that i want to, but i was pleasantly surprised that the toilet didn't smell at all. during that particular exercise, the defence minister (who became our president years later) visited us. and my division commander planned an interesting itinerary for him. for a start, after briefing him about the exercise design, etc, he took him for a tour of the area. and guess what - the first stop the minister was brought to was - the toilet. lol.

well, the training ground was vast and spanned hundreds of kilometers. we had a good time traveling up and down the exercise area. and as we travelled, we had to make sure we protect ourselves by tucking our pants into our boots, and rolling down our sleeves to avoid being bitten by sandflies. also, we were taught how to avoid coming into contact with snakes (that are known to be all over the training grounds)... and most interestingly, we were taught to drive slowly and keep a look out for marsupials that might just jump out across our paths. thankfully, it didn't happen to my truck although some of the other units weren't so lucky.

and above all, my best takeaway from this trip was the fact that i got to know a good friend - guan. he was an armour officer who eventually left the service and we kept in contact till today. i like him, he's a really nice guy.

:-)

training/ stints overseas - country s

i spend half a year here as a senior national liaison officer. i was based on one of the states and it was one of the best half year of my career life. shan't write to much about it cos i've written quite a lot about this trip in some of my older posts (if you have read before). suffice to say that this 6-month trip was an eye-opener for me in many many areas including getting to now the country, the weather of the southern state, it's culture, food, and so on... here's my experiences.

• i experienced 4-5 hurricanes, of which i had to be evacuated in 3 of them at least. had the good experience to be able to fly to some other cities on the east coast and caught some pretty good musicals.

• i had lotsa road trips over the weekends during the 6-month stay. it was really good to be able to drop everything and just drive and visit places where the local stay, and to see and experience the local culture. it was through such exposure that i get to understand what real vs whats portray in movies. they can be so different...

• i was literally working round the clock as the country's time zone was a direct opposite to that of singapore and i was required to work through the night talking to singapore-based people. but that didn't mean i didn't have time to myself. conversely, i had a lot more time to myself as i was able to work around my daily life routines and be at work when needed only. in another words, i was more productive.

• i had the good opportunity to interact with some 65 countries based in the same location as me. and i do note that amongst these 65 countries, there were cliques and cliques within cliques - for example, all national representatives from asian countries tend to clique together and often invite each other out for dinners, formal or otherwise. and within this asian country clique, there are sub-cliques - e.g. asean countries... but certainly, one thing i concluded from this attachment, as minorities, we come together and in coming together, we became stronger. 

ok, won't write too long here. 

training/ stints overseas - country r

this will be a very short post.

i visited this country only once in my whole life. it was a sensitive location to visit and i had to change a couple of flight before i landed in this country. it was really an eye opening trip for me, not just the country itself, but also for the fact that i had the wonderful opportunity to transit via switzerland and thus was able to check out some of the touristy sites there. anyway, i visited country r with my commander and his deputy and once we landed in the airport we were put through a very thorough security check. in fact, when our bags were check by the country's immigration personnel, there was another set of personnel in a different "country's" police uniform observing the checks. this, we understood was the arrangement for all immigration checks there.

anyway, once after all the immigration formalities and customs checks, we were quickly whizzed to our hotel by our host. i couldn't help but notice along the way how everything look so homogenous and was quickly informed that the local laws requires all building to be build using only local materials and that there are strict rules about the exterior... or something like that. also, i noticed that there were security personnel carrying rifles and keeping watch on top of some tall building. it was quite unsettling frankly, coming from a place where security is taken as a norm. after a nights' rest, we visited some of the key schools to observe how they conduct their lessons and exercises. it was as real as it gets and i was really impressed by how professional their troops are. to them, rank didn't matter when it came to questioning logics behind military plans. i personally witnessed how a lance corporal questioned a brigadier about his operational plans and he patiently explained the details to her. amazing.

i was also intrigued by the food habits. i recalled vividly a meal that was hosted by the commandant. we were invited to the commandant's tent during one of their exercises. we were ushered to our seats once we arrived and food was promptly served. i was awed by the variety of bread and spreads served and happily tried quite a few. it was a really hearty meal and just when i thought i felt really bloated and had enough, our host announced that the mains will be served next! omg! i didn't realize all the bread was only the appetiser! and the whole process of serving huge amounts of meat came next. again, out of courtesy, we ate a bit of everything and was so gorged with food when the host then told us that dessert will be next. and then came the post-meal drinks. food became a torture after a certain point. hahah...

after we completed what we had planned to do, our host brought us around to some of the most famous tourist sites of the country. it was really good to be able to view these sites personally and see how the religion is being practised by the locals. it was also the first time i came across men in tall black hats and long "pigtails". heh...

don't think i'll ever get a chance to head back there.

training/ stints overseas - country n

training in this country is perhaps one of the most memorable one. this was because of the lush tropical jungle that we had to operate in. through my more than 2-decade career in the forces, i must have visited this country some 5-6 times. some of the more interesting incidents include:

• my first experience in the jungles was when i was an officer cadet. to make our way there, we had to take barges that sailed through the winding rivers of the tropical jungle - not unlike a trip along the rivers of the amazon. we were exposed to the elements as the barges were not sheltered and it was not uncommon to have people suffer from heat exhaustion during the journey. if i recalled correctly, the journey lasted between 6-8 hours. the base camp we were housed in looked like long houses. they were made of wood and critters from the jungle, particularly cicadas, was able to fly through the rooms as there was a huge gap between the walls of the bunk and the roof. and so to ensure we get our needful sleep, we were all given mosquito nets to hang over our bed. but our stay in teh bunk was short lived. within a day of settling in to the bunk, we had to pack up and head into the jungle for our exercises - first navigation, and then missions after missions. if i recall correctly, the whole duration of staying in the jungle was 4-5 weeks. it was interesting that by the time we emerged from the jungles, we continued to whisper to one another (as we had to do so when we were in the jungle on mission).

• getting lost in the jungle during our navigation exercises. drinking, bathing, shitting, etc everything in the jungles and it was particularly nice to be able to take a dip in the mountain streams. we were given maloprim tablets to drop into stream water to rid the water of any harmful organisms, but we couldn't be bothered. we were often so exhausted that we would just drown ourselves with the chilled water from the streams.

• during one mission, we were all so tired that after we complete capturing the enemy position, our controllers told us that the enemy managed to withdrawal to another location 3km to the rear and that we had to bash our way through thick lallang patches to take the position. the time in the lallang felt forever. the lallang was taller than us and we could not see anything in front. we could only rely on our compass to guide us through and it was super demoralising, made worst by the fact that we were all already do exhausted. to make things worst, we had to carry our carl gustav, machine guns, grenade launchers etc. and when we eventually reach the defended location, we had to do our fire movement up a very steep slope. by the time the controllers declared the position taken and the exercise cut, we literally collapse onto the floor and cried.

• taking the helicopter from basecamp to recce the exercise grounds. the nap-of-the-earth flying (i.e. flying along the contours of the mountain) during the exercise was really interesting. we were literally holding on to our seat belts tightly as the helicopter doors were open to allow us to check out enemy held positions.

• during one particular exercise when i was the company second-in-charge, my company commander got possessed and our unit commander decided to send him back home. apparently, my company commander would get into a trance at 7pm daily and he would howl and scream and he would talk to us in a voice that sounded like a woman and a language that we couldn't understand. the locals called in a bomoh and he concluded that my company commander was possessed by a jungle spirit during one the exercises. to manage my company commander, he was strapped onto the bed to prevent him from hurting himself or hurting people around him every evening when the spirit awakes. this incident shook my whole company badly. in the end, my unit commander decided to send him back home, based on the advise of the bomoh - for the bomoh said that the only way to rid him of the spirit is to fly through water - where the spirits cannot. weird as it might sound, my company commander recovered once he reached singapore.

• the night in the jungle was something i cannot not forget. it was so pitch dark i couldn't see my own palm when i place it in front of my eyes. and during one exercise, we had to harbour on a mountain ridgeline for the night and in the middle of the night, my company heard something dropped from above and then suddenly one of my soldier screamed. next thing i knew, something rolled off the ridge line and landed with a "thud" sounds. everyone was shock and many of my company started firing their weapons. it was a reflex action. it was pitch dark and i could see nothing. i was the company commander and i decided that exercise or not, i call the shots and i took out my torchlight and gingerly walk towards the direction of my soldier who screamed. apparently, some animal flew down from the canopy and grabbed him. and in his struggle, the animal and his helmet rolled off the ridge. it was not a pleasant thing to happen in the middle of the night, and especially after what happened to my company commander earlier on.

• to prepare the training areas before the exercise proper, i had to recce the training grounds. some areas were only accessible via helicopter and, for some others, by assault boats. there was this particular drill that i had to go through that was very interesting - crocodile deterrence preparation. you see, the rivers and marsh land that we operate in was known to be home to some local species of crocodiles. and to prevent any crocodiles from attacking our troops, we had to sail along the river within a specific distance upstream and downstream of the exercise area to scare crocodiles off. and this was how it was done - we armed ourselves with rifles, brought along a lot of thunder flashes and sailed to the spot where crocodiles are known to appear. we then fix the thunder flashes onto the tip of our rifle, light the flash and shoot it into the water. we were told that the explosion caused by the thunder flash would scare the crocodiles away. i'm sure there are some wisdom in this for we did not have any untoward incidents through the years we operate there. but as an additional safeguard, we position personnel with live rounds around the exercise areas and allowed them to shoot to kill if any crocodile appears.

i have a lot more to share about training in this country although i didn't visit this country as many times as compared to some others. but i'm sure the above give an insight into how exciting training in this country was like. up and above all these, i felt most at home living in the jungle, eating my maggi noodles and canned food freshly cooked and sleeping in my tent or by hammock. still miss this place.

:-)

training/ stints overseas - country l

similar to country d, country l is another country that is of high strategic importance to singapore.

the difference between country d and country l is that we have a permanent base in this country and saf sends troops to train in this country regularly. the training grounds are located in the western region of this country and over the 20 years in the armed forces, i saw with my very own eyes how the exercise areas mature from a sleepy dry arid and dusty country-side dotted with small villages to that of a semi-developed urban township. what this meant was that the exercise areas got increasingly crowded and interactions with locals increased. it came to the point where unfortunate incidents such as cows wondering into the impact areas of our live firing and getting killed. and when such things happened, the incident management and comms people would get really busy. anyway, country l (or at least the areas we trained in) this is a hot and arid place. our exercises areas spanned some 40-50km. whenever we train in this country, we always look forward to the canteen breaks where we can enjoy cheap local food and locally homemade ice creams. yums... beside the food, there were a few incidents and experiences that i would like to share here.

firstly, this is where i get to experience how explosives were used to destroy mines, or as part of the process of building bunkers and for that matter launching of pipe charges. i also got to experience how it felt to launch bridges across wet gaps. it was terribly tedious back in those days where we didn't have mechanically launched bridges and where troops had to do it manually - one two three boom! one two three boom! - i can still recall how the troopers had to call out to co-ordinate their booming of the bridge!

the second incident i would like to share happened during one of the exercise where we had to walk pass some padi fields en route to capture an enemy-held position. it was about 1-2am and my unit commander had decided to take a tactical halt. and as it was a halt, we position ourselves in an en-guarde posture - where our rifles were pointed outwards. naturally, things quietened down and the sound of our footsteps quickly gave way to sound of night critters around us. and suddenly, we heard a couple of loud gunshots. bang bang... bang bang, it boomed through. we were caught by surprise and wondered if this was an “attack” staged by the controllers to see how we would respond. but when we saw our controllers behaving just as shocked, we concluded that something was going on. in no time, the controllers were running around and a couple of them ran towards the direction of where the gunshot came from to investigate what happened. they came back a couple of minutes later with this information - villages are out in the middle of the night to catch padi field rats. apparently, padi field rats are considered delicacy and they would hunt for them in the middle of the night when the field rats were most active. interesting right? we managed to ask them to hold their fire and to allow us safe passage before resuming their hunt.

the last and the most interesting incident happened when i was a company commander and my troops were tasked to protect a camp. we were tasked to be the enemy of a unit that was tasked to capture the camp. as the commander, i visited my troops on patrols regularly and during one of those visits that i did in the night, i had a close encounter with the supernatural. you see, i walked to a location near a guard post and asked the patrol leader to provide me with an update of his sector. halfway through the brief back, i smelt a very strong sweet smell and asked if people around me could also smell it. one of my platoon sergeant who was accompanying me told me not to worry and just quickly complete the brief back. within a minute of two, the smell got so strong that it became a little too much for me. again, i asked if people around could smell it. this time round, my platoon sergeant suggested i should return to my command center. i did. and once we reached the command center, my sergeant told me - sir, the first time you smell the sweet smell, there was a lady in white a couple of meters away from you. she's a spirit and she was looking at us. the second time when you asked again, this lady was standing just beside you... i was like - huh? wtf? well, apparently my platoon sergeant was able to see such things. the next day, my platoon sergeant and i decided to take a look at the place and we noted a local soldier standing guard nearby. we approached him and asked if that place was haunted and his reply? - oh, there's a lady spirit that lives here. her spirit house is just beside there - and he pointed to us the location where a little shrine stood.

it was then that i realised i have the ability to smell such spirits. from then on, whenever i smell anything similar, i will just walk away from it.

training/ stints overseas - country d

let me first reflect about country d.

country d is of strategic importance to singapore and i had visited this country several times in my official capacity as an officer of the singapore armed forces. but for this post, i shall only write about 2 key trips that i remembered best - first in the capacity as exercise troop, and the second that happened in the latter parts of my career - as a visiting instructor under the auspices of an on-going bilateral exchange program between two institutes.

the first visit was in 1996 where my unit was selected to participate in a bilateral exercise. the preparations for the week long exercise was terrible. there was so much to be done - all the request for maps for the exercise grounds, the preparation of the staff aids, etc. was stood out for me during this particular exercise was the amount of "wayang" that we had to stage. and i can understand the need for it. after all, being a participating troop of a bilateral exercise, we were nothing but pawns - pawns to the larger picture of bilateral relations. and so, there were the exercise, and there were the dinners, karaoke, happy hours and such. the exercise itself was rather straight forward - two units moving as part of a larger organisation to overcome a common aggressor. and the final assault on the aggressors' defences was stage at a particular time for the chiefs of armies of both countries to witness. as singapore enjoys close bilateral ties with this country, the host spared no efforts to make sure everything went well. some of the treatment we get that blew me off were - we were escorted in army trucks once we landed and there were military police escorts throughout the journey. all traffic lights were disabled and military polices stopped all traffic to allow our military truck clear passage. it was an amazing experience. we will never be able to experience such things in singapore. what made this particular trip memorable was the fact that all the key staff within my unit were told to don batik and it was quite a frenzy hunting for a nice one. in the end, i bought a nice batik with orchid motifs - singapore's national flower. it was a really nice sight to see everyone dressed up.

the second visit was in 2006(?), where i was stationed there as a visiting instructor. again, this attachment was part of a strategic partnership between the two armed forces. i had to attend and pass a language class to prepare for this attachment. the month-long attachment was anything but easy. there was regular reporting back to singapore about the attachment, the observation of how they conduct their business and the conversations that i held with who's who. also, despite being given a "house" to stay in, complete with maid, car and driver, i was not allowed to venture too far away from the city i was based in. i didn't understand why this restriction was imposed on me especially when i understood my predeccesor had total freedom to travel on weekends. nonetheless, i couldn't be bothered. i went ahead and travelled to the capital city (some 4-5 hours away) weekly on the pretext that i had to visit the singapore embassy (which was not too far from the truth cos when i visited the city, i did link up with the embassy staff for chats). anyway, being an attached instructor in a country that do not speak my language, my daily routine was to visit the different departments for briefings and to attend selected lessons (which were conducted in their local language). the month went by slowly and i was glad to be back home.

i understood the strategic importance of this country to singapore and that my visits (in whatever capacity) was framed at a very high level. it was an honour to be tasked to represent the armed forces for any trips and the exposure was really good.